Saturday, October 14, 2006

10/14/06 3-hour intervals

Yay! Yesterday's all-day wakeups and fusses turned into a stellar night, with baby waking up every 3 hours or so, and going right back to sleep after nursing.

Our first truly pink thing: another "Aunt Helen" blanket. Aunt Helen sent us one from Land's End for Gabriel years ago, and it was my favorite blanket. So now another one for Katrina, and with her name stitched on it! It's so soft, I love it. I took some photos to include in the thank-you note I must write soon.

We attempted a family photo session, but the boys were being impossible. The best shot Ryan was able to get didn't include Gabriel. But Ryan got lots of other fabulous shots, as usual, and with a very old Canon point-and-shoot camera. Just goes to show, it's not the equipment, it's the operator.

To my surprise, taking Katrina outside doesn't instantly turn off the tears as it did with her brothers. Nor does motion. We went for a short walk today with Katrina in the carseat/stroller, and she cried until she fell asleep. I assumed the moment the fresh air touched her face she'd relax and look around at the sky. Nope. It's amazing how every baby is so unique from the outset, yet the newborn stage of life is when people have the most in common too.

Finally got a shot of baby smiling in her sleep. So sweet! I had a lot of opportunity to catch the smile reflex on camera since she slept a LOT today. I'm apprehensive about tonight. I don't mind her being awake, but awake and crying is no fun in the middle of the night, and so far most of her awake time is spent crying.

As brand-new-newborns go, so far she's the hardest of the three, but I am experienced enough to know that doesn't mean a thing. It's all ages and stages, and each kid will present his or her own challenges at various times in their lives.

I'm a long, long way from physically rehabilitated, but absolutely thrilled that I can do things like sit curled up on the couch, bend down to pick things up without swooning, change direction quickly...it won't be long before I'll start exercising again. I can't wait!

Fingers crossed for tonight...

10/14/06

Friday, October 13, 2006

10/13/06 Katrina stays awake

Not a bad night, as they go...two three-hour stretches of sleep for me, not that bad. Then the usual long sleep in the morning, rudely interrupted by a pediatrician visit. 6 lbs 14 oz, gaining, not as fast as they like, but nothing to worry about.

Today though...ouch! Since about 1pm, Katrina hasn't slept for more than 45 minutes at a time. She's clearly tired but keeps waking up after falling what appears to be soundly asleep. I don't nurse her every time, it just hurts too much, and I know it's not hunger since she doesn't always finish a bottle either. As I type, it's 11:30pm and I know I only have a few minutes 'cause she's going to wake up any minute again. I just hope she's getting it out of her system during the day, and will let us sleep a little tonight!

I carried her in the sling today for the first time, which she didn't like at first, but after an hour or so she finally fell asleep. Then I put her down and gave my back a break, but of course she woke up 15 minutes later. Laura and Ryan got her to sleep a few times, more easily than I could have, but once again, wakeup just a few minutes later.

We went for a walk! I actually walked around the block, then to Starbucks (where aunt and uncle gush over their beautiful niece). I couldn't believe how easily I got out of breath, and had to walk slowly, and I feel achy now, but it was so worth it. A taste of freedom and of my newly liberated body! But it sure has a ways to go before it heals completely.

Julian a big pest today, but got some comfort from Aunt Laura after being banished from the dining room ... I forget why now, was it spitting, smacking the table, banging his fork on a glass, screeching? Could be any number of things.

Gabriel was an angel for most of the day, until nighttime when he hit Julian in bed, spit at me when I scolded him, and only caved in when he ended up banished to the garage. That kid is absolutely unbelievable in his willingness to field any punishment given him just to prove a point. But I should emphasize: he was really good today overall.

The boys are having a great time with Aunt Laura and Uncle Ryan, as are we!

And thank you to my friend Sandy (who also has a daughter named Katrina) for a wonderful dinner! I can't believe what nice and generous friends I have.

10/13/06

Thursday, October 12, 2006

10/12/06 Gabriel, Julian and Katrina get a visit

Laura and Ryan are here, yay!

Baby had me up all night long again, refusing to stay asleep for more than an hour at a time, and often less. After finally calming her, getting her to sleep and putting her in the bassinet, she'd wake up crying not 15 minutes later. This went on from 8pm in the evening until 9am in the morning, when she settled into a deeper sleep. And stayed so until 2pm, including through the racket of Julian's music class!

I plugged in a monitor in the room we're staying in (me, Dave and Katrina), which involved some crawling under a table, reaching for things, getting up and down off the floor and various maneuvers. While they're still difficult, slow and a little painful, at least I can do them now! That awful pregnancy is starting to become a far-away memory.

Oddly, I almost don't want this time to pass too quickly, I guess because I know it's one of those amazing times in your life that you'll look back on as being ... well, amazing. It's hard to believe I'd ever look back on anything about my third pregnancy with fondness or nostalgia, other than perhaps the swimming. But I guess in retrospect -- now that I have one -- it was an amazing time, if not in a pleasant way. But with a very, very positive outcome.

Katrina slept soundly all day again, and is looking to start her antics again of waking up 10-15 minutes after we finally get her down. Please, not another full night of that!

No photos today.

10/12/06

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

10/11/06 Katrina gets a bath

I'd forgotten how quickly a newborn's hair gets greasy. Besides, it was time for a quasi-bath anyway (we can't immerse Katrina until her cord falls off). She does not like this process! But consoled herself with a thumb afterward, though she didn't know what to do with the rest of her fingers.
After a nice visit with Lacy (who brought us a huge baked ziti and a whole bunch of adorable girl clothes from Gymboree, thanks again!), Katrina took a nap, with a blanket given to us by Sara and Saul (thanks too!). Her hair was so fuzzy and cute, though hours later it was all oily again.

Recently I tried to show Gabriel how to tie his shoes, in steps. Julian took great interest too, especially the first part where you cross the laces and put one end under the "tunnel" (before the rabbit-ears part). I wondered if Julian would take to shoe-tying more, as he tends to engage himself in fine-motor-skills sorts of things more than Gabriel does.

Well, this afternoon, Julian spent a good half hour tying his laces (the first 'X' cross that is, not the whole thing) again and again and again until he'd made a giant knot! Goofball.


Gabriel had another drop-off playdate on Tuesday (yesterday) afternoon, this time with Gavin and Cassie (thank you Stacey!). After great concern and excitement about Gavin's plastic, instead of wooden, train tracks (a GeoTrax set), Stacey managed to wrest them all away to the park to ride bicycles. They had a great time together! She said it was all she could do to keep up with them, but at least she was able to get a few pictures.







Ugh, the night doesn't bode well. This entire evening has been spent nursing Katrina every half hour, between which she sleeps fitfully for 10-15 minutes, then wakes up acting starved, rooting and crying inconsolably and won't be settled by any of our usual techniques -- except feeding, for a while. This cycle has gone on for hours tonight.

I just gave Dave a bottle to give her, which she sucked down immediately and is now snoozing peacefully in Dave's arms. But then, 15 minutes hasn't passed yet. Is she getting enough from me? Me and my "girls" are getting paranoid again.

Katrina knows me now though. If she's crying and Dave's holding her, when I take her she calms down immediately, at least at first.

One odd consequence of having a girl after two boys is that we have to get into the "she" and "her" pronoun habit. Even today, Dave referred to the baby as "him," and I've had to stop myself doing that too. Stacey told me that she and Scott did the same thing at first with their daughter. I guess you associate the pronouns of the sex of the first baby you have with 'baby" in general.

Argh, I hear baby-wakeup noises again. I'm never going to get to sleep tonight!

10/11/06

10/10/06 Katrina's due date



Gabriel...our meticulous little boy. Above is part of his "homework" -- he completely freehanded those words himself. He's slow, but very very precise, which is what makes him slow. I'm impressed his writing has gotten this good!



And the train track...sort of a yin/yang thing. I guess he saw a pattern like that printed on a train-track mat at Quinton's house and then reproduced it at home.

He also noticed that "Katrina" has 7 letters.

Meanwhile Julian likes to eat raw broccoli stems. He was supposed to be helping me with dinner by throwing away the parts of broccoli I cut off (my family is spoiled by nice bite-sized florettes). Instead, he chows it down.



And Katrina...who does she look like? It's hard to say. She reminds me very much of newborn Gabriel, the times she's alert and not crying, though toned down to one-tenth. Her alert times are far shorter (Gabriel from Day One with his hour-long concentrated alert times), but her expressions and faces remind me very much of her older older brother.

I was watching "A Baby Story" on TV, and was amazed that she responded to the sound of another newborn baby crying (by calming down and seeming to listen for it). I remember being surprised when an 8-month-old baby recognized other baby crying sounds, but a 5-day-old? I should know better than to underestimate babies by now!

We have to remodel our kitchen. The counter only fits four plates across for serving.


Night is not looking good, baby keeps waking up 5-10 minutes after putting her down asleep, and this time just after giving her a solid ounce of milk via bottle -- I've played my trump card for the night, now what?!

10/10/06

Monday, October 09, 2006

10/9/06 Gabriel's jeans


I made an incredible find on eBay: a pair of size 4 Slim jeans for the ULTRA-skinny kid. The seller even said she's selling them because to her amazement, the waist was too small for her super-slim boy. I smile knowingly at such statements, because I have yet to run into anyone with a healthy boy who can match Gabriel in the skinny department. And indeed, the jeans fit him beautifully. How nice to see him in pants that are long and slender enough for once. He looks like such a regular kid. Unfortunately, it's an obscure brand ("New Legends") that isn't easy to find. But if you do find some, snatch up as many size 4 Slim as possible!

Gabriel suddenly has decided he wants to pronounce "sp." Out of the blue, he went from saying "soon," "sider," and "sot," to "spoon," "spider," and "spot." We can't figure out what prompted this change. Most likely, he just decided to do it. When will he do that for night-training?

From an article in the 10/8 Sunday NY Times Magazine: "The concept of yetser hara, the bad impulse within us that is a source of passion and an impetus to creativity, and the yetser tov, the good and proper impulse." Applied to children, this says that "your child's worst trait is also the seed of his best traits." That's Gabriel to a T.

The boys absolutely love seeing their new baby sister, almost too much. It's all we can do to keep their fingers and faces out of her face. No jealousy at all, just far more interest than a newborn baby can provide, as she's not awake all that much. In due time.

10/9/06

10/9/06 Katrina goes to the pediatrician

I had such an amazing moment last night, prefaced by a really bad one. I tried pumping breastmilk, and was barely able to eke out a watery 1 ounce. No wonder Katrina had been crying and rooting after nursing, and her diapers were nearly dry -- I'm starving my baby! I irrationally felt terrible. Of course I know that my baby isn't going to starve, but the most fundamental thing a nursing mother can do is feed her baby, and it seems I wasn't.

After my disheartening pump attempt, she woke up and I nursed her. Then soon after, she woke up crying and rooting again. So I gave her a bottle with the meager ounce that I'd pumped. And she sucked most of it down in about a minute! Poor hungry baby!


Then she looked at me. Really looked at me, first with crossed eyes, then a furrowed brow. Then she looked at me for about 15 minutes, actually smiling about 3 times. It was amazing. I know the smile was just the classic newborn reflex, she does it in her sleep too. But she wasn't asleep, she was looking right at me. She even tracked my face with her eyes if I moved back and forth. It was the first time she was alert and happy with me. If there's an actual moment when a mother falls in love with her new baby, this was it.

But is she getting enough from me? I was glad we had a pediatrician appointment today. And all is well! Dr. Zetis was wonderful and warm and reassuring. Katrina's put on 2 oz since her weight dip at the hospital (from 7 lbs 2oz at birth to 6 lbs 10 oz 24 hours later), up to 6 lbs 12 oz. Her color and demeanor are excellent. Dr. Zetis agreed that perhaps she should have had a breastfed-baby BM by now, but Katrina took care of that later in the day. So all looks well. Whew!

The simple joys are returning to my life. I'm still tender from surgery, but healing steadily and thrilled that I have some mobility back. I actually took a shower today - a real stand-up shower! I had some tea. I had some apple slices. I stepped over things without having to lift my knee up with my hand. Soon I'll be able to concentrate on the important things in life: baking, making Halloween costumes, going to the park; rather than my day being completely controlled by pain management. Hooray!

Katrina gets a LOT of comments about her beautiful hair. It is a lot of hair, long in the back, and very fluffy. Odds are it will all fall out and grow back differently, of course. Oh yeah, I get to live through that joy again -- postpartum "bangs." Yippee.


I love this photo because I caught her with the adorable crossed feet that fames her younger older brother. I didn't catch on camera the adorable "whistle face" of her older older brother, I'd forgotten about that! Newborns are so amazing.

Maybe because it was such a good day (starting with a good night, a great pediatrician's visit, a nice visit with Stacey, a very happy non-fussy baby, and Dave doing all the little-boy care), but it struck me today that I am so glad I have three children. Already I can't imagine it any other way. Check in with me on that the first time I'm alone with all three!

10/9/06

Sunday, October 08, 2006

10/8/06 Katrina gets visitors

Last night was better. Katrina was still awake for much of it, but in the first part of the night we got some sleep.

I see a bad pattern emerging in which she wakes up and roots heavily, seeming like she wants to nurse, but then only nurses for a few minutes -- just enough to fall back to sleep. Then 20 minutes later, same thing. This is not good. For me, it just makes me very, very sore. For her, she isn't nursing long or well enough to get the good stuff, I think. I haven't seen a lot of wetness in her diapers, the real indicator. She nurses a lot better when it's been a few hours, as I can hear her swallowing. But what else do you do when your newborn baby is crying and rooting?

Today we had a nice visit from Sara & Saul (2 months old), then Tonya and her kids, and Kristi (who delivered us a yummy chicken casserole that we had for dinner -- thank you!), AND we talked to Bonne Maman on the phone. Whew! Katrina slept through all of it. A busy day.

Still, I think the visit she liked the most was the one with her older brother.

Gabriel was very cooperative about washing his hands and then sitting quietly while I got Katrina on his lap, where she was very content, and actually awake for once, for about 10 minutes.

After I took her back, he said he'd wait there in case she wanted to sit with him again. Awww!

Mom always said she loved fat baby legs. Not here! Katrina's legs are skinny, skinny, skinny.

We're bracing ourselves for a long night.

10/8/06

Saturday, October 07, 2006

10/7/06 Katrina's first all-nighter

Ugh...not a good night. Baby awake and unhappy ALL NIGHT LONG. Nothing I did worked, and I got desperate enough to try putting her in the car and driving, and even giving her formula (which she didn't take, and I'm glad, I was completely irrational and incoherent by then).

Finally around 5:40am she settled enough that I could rest my head, and at 7am I was able to lie down....until 1pm this afternoon! So much for waking up babies to nurse, I was way way too tired. Still am. I'm the stereotypical new mom: unshowered, in PJs, hair a mess...but I'm not a new mom!

I did have a few minutes for photos. Here she is finally sleeping on our bed this morning (a brief moment of awakeness then zonk), then in the carseat in the afternoon. Actually, she's been sleeping all day and is impossible to wake up. But I'm going to try again in a moment.


Reminder to self: Julian did the same thing, I got no sleep for his first 3 nights. Ironically, the only cooperative newborn we had was Gabriel.

Peggy's here entertaining the boys and will help us with dinner.

I also think I'm getting thrush, so not what I need when I'm trying to calm a relentlessly squeaky newborn.

The boys absolutely love seeing and touching her. She doesn't reciprocate the sentiment yet.

10/7/06

Friday, October 06, 2006

10/6/06 It's a girl!


Introducing Katrina Ruth Doudna, born Thursday Oct. 5th at 5:55am at Community Hospital of Los Gatos!


Her brothers were very happy to meet her, talking joyfully about "baby sister" and both remembered her name. Gabriel got pretty mad when we wouldn't let him hold her and demanded to know why!


It would have made perfect sense for me to stay in the hospital one more day, since the soreness from the postpartum surgery makes it very hard to get around and lift things, let alone take care of little boys and baby. In fact, if Peggy hadn't been available, I would have stayed another night.

Ironically, we originally chose this Los Gatos hospital because of its relaxed "rooming-in" policies, but I ended up making liberal use of the nursery this time. I sent Dave home, and slept as much as possible the night Katrina was born, with the nursery nurses attending to her every whim instead of me. There was one constant disturbance though: a baby crying! The nerve! The walls are thin, and I was privvy to all the activity of the family next door, which included a whole lot of newborn crying. That, of all sounds, is one I can't tune out, even when I know it's not mine. The combination of noise and basic boredom made me want to finish recovering at home, where there's only noise.

Katrina has already introduced us to some common baby follies we escaped with the first two. Such as: gas. You can hear her little tummy rumbling about, and burping her actually produces burps (though not enough). Her nursing is mostly inefficient nibbling, and her brief alert periods are spent crying. That includes a high-pitched squeak which I think might be pain from gas, but I can't say yet.

The few times she's really opened her eyes and looked at things, she takes on a look of horror, especially when looking at my face (quite understandable right now!). Her furrowed, focused brow is exactly like that of her older older brother, and her newborn face shape and dark grayish eyes are also reminiscent of Gabriel. Let's hope she doesn't take after him in other ways -- one is enough!

SO many people have sent us well wishes and congratulations, which are so appreciated! It will take me days, if not weeks, to respond to all (and you know me, I want to!), but in the meantime it's heartwarming to receive so many genuine expressions of joy on our behalf. You all know this has been a hard road for us, and we are so, so glad to be moving on the next stage, and so grateful that the next stage is being ushered in among so much support from good friends and family.

10/6/06

Thursday, October 05, 2006

10/5/06 2-5 min

short, intense, erratic but start every 2-5 min
breathing heavily to break it up
want the epidural NOW
Kevin's on his way
this could be it
wait, a moment of peace.....now I just want to go to sleep.
if so it'd be one heck of a false alarm
nope it's back OWWWWW

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

10/4/06 A makeover

This blog looks different now. I changed the template to one with longer lines. Any trouble viewing, let me know.

I look different now too. I got a hair trim today, breaking my usual once-a-year trend. Shorter is a little easier to deal with swimming, though that "should" only matter for a few more days. Really, my grand visions of myself with a slim, lithe body and looking stylish and confident includes shorter hair. Besides, I always get compliments from the haircutters and I could use the ego boost right now. Of course, it's in their best interests to gush over any customer, I'm no fool. But they always correctly observe that my hair never undergoes any treatments. It's apparently quite rare to run across a 43-year-old woman who's never permed or colored her hair, and doesn't use any products or appliances, even at a place that serves almost entirely men and charges only $8 per haircut. Inexpensive shampoo and conditioner, air dry, ponytail, a 15-minute cheap cut every year or so, that's it. For now. When the grays really take over, vanity will trump sloth.

The various encouraging signs I had been getting of impending baby have all seem to have faded. I was getting hopeful it'd be soon, but that this point, I have a bad feeling baby is going to hang in there until due date. Wah.

10/4/06

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

10/3/06 39 weeks

Doctor's appointment today...all normal. At next week's appointment, if there is one, I'll undergo a sonogram and nonstress test to make sure we don't have an amniotic fluid volume issue again. My belly is measuring 37cm though, so there's no urgent concern as there was when I was at this stage with Gabriel. Next week's appointment is on my due date -- at that point, Baby# will actually be late!

I have such wonderful friends. Five of my mom friends have already brought us wonderful meals, and I've been making use of them! Shopping and cooking is really challenging, and completely impossible with round ligament attacks (which I'm sorry to say have resurfaced tonight). My friends are also really good cooks. And so generous. Thanks all!

I really don't like this new trend of kids' pants with "adjustable waistbands." They just don't work. The elastic is too flimsy, and they don't adjust well. i just got Julian three brand-new pairs of size 2T jeans from Old Navy, and I'm going to end up giving them away. I have to "adjust" them way, way down, but not only do they still fall off him, but then they don't flex enough for him to pull back up himself! To make matters worse, it looks like all Old Navy kids' jeans have this feature now. I'd much rather have the old-style elasticized waist all around. And if Old Navy jeans, usually fairly slim, don't fit Julian, then it's a hopeless cause for Gabriel, whose proportions are even skinnier. Old Navy does have "slim" sizes for boys, starting in boys' size 5, but I know better than that. Gabriel's butt is still barely a toddler size 3T. Trouble is, most 3T jeans are too short for him.

Gabriel had a long playdate this afternoon at Quinton's house. I am so grateful to Lisa! I dropped him off at Quinton's house around 1pm, and Lisa offered to bring him home. I told her to bring him home whenever she needed, and she ended up keeping him for dinner and bringing him home around 7:30pm. Wow! She said they Quinton and Gabriel played a lot together, though she did comment that Gabriel is indeed quite focused on one thing. I asked Gabriel if he had a good time and he said, "Not with Quinton, though!" -- right in front of Lisa! Geez, rude kid. Gabriel claimed he didn't like that Quinton likes to wrestle, though Gabriel wrestles all the time with Julian so I don't entirely believe that. And much of their playdate was spent playing togethe with toys (like Legos and a gear toy). I need to do more playdates, including here at home, so that Gabriel gets more one-on-one interaction. Certainly I owe Lisa a playdate!

It so happened that today, Julian sang and putzed around upstairs instead of napping, so not having Gabriel around until bathtime was perfect timing. Dave went to Tuesday Dinner tonight, so it was just me and Julian for dinner. I almost got a feel for what it'd be like just have one child -- so different! Indeed, the moment Gabriel got home, both boys got way rowdy and I was back to bark-instructions mode to get them through the bedtime process (which, incredibly, I succeeded in completing by 8:00). But then when they're calm and I read them a book, it's so sweet to have them on either side of me. And they were happy to see each other.

Stacey commented in email today that she's forgotten what it's like to have just one kid. That hit me -- soon, we'll forget what it's like to have just two. It seems SO far away, but at the same time, it's not soon enough!!

10/3/06

Monday, October 02, 2006

10/2/06 Mom has a great night

What a rare treat! I actually slept great last night. That's what a miserable pregnancy does: so many bad things have happened to me that things like poor sleep become secondary issues -- but they wouldn't be if that's all there was. Last night, I wasn't restless, I got right back to sleep if I woke up, and was actually relaxed all night. What a difference that made getting up this morning.

I should list the things that haven't bothered me in this pregnancy:

No sacro-iliac dysfunction, pain or problems
No sinus congestion
No nausea or vomiting (severe gastric issues, but not these)
No swelling
No serious problems (gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, incompetent cervix, premature labor, anemia, preeclampsia, bleeding, need for bedrest, etc)

In fact, for a while there, I was told all the time how "cute" I was pregnant (nothing's "cute" at this stage though). I never heard that with the first two. But I was hearing it every day, along with the comment that I'm "all baby." It's true that I'm carrying much differently this time, with my belly sticking straight out, and not many changes to speak of elsewhere. The rest of me has slimmed out quite a bit, actually. I'm down to a net weight gain of 18 pounds from my first pregnancy weigh-in at 5 weeks (though I started out heavy for me), putting me at the same weight I was at with my first pregnancy at this stage. Tomorrow I'm 39 weeks along, and I'll get weighed again. Something tells me my recently renewed Starbucks habit will manifest itself!

Dave and I both think we made a mistake with the color of our new closet doors and the surrounding trim. Photo: on the right is the current color: white with white MDF trim. What we think we should have done is paint the doors the wall color, with the wood-stain trim (poorly mocked up on the left with my meager Photoshop non-skills). Just what we need at the tail end of a remodel, and a baby due any day: changes.

Mom asked me today about how I felt about a boy or a girl, and if I felt any advantages to a girl (of course). But though it's not rational, and certainly not relevant, it's just easier to imagine having a boy again, because boys are my day-to-day reality. A girl seems like just a theory right now, as any baby does before they're actually here, a brand-new twist to life that's impossible to truly envision until it's tangible. Boys, on the other hand, are a constant, completely present and real to me in the most mundane and immediate ways. Neither Dave or I have any strong feelings one way or another about the sex of the baby, but it's far easier for both of us to picture another boy, naturally, because our lives are all about little boys right now. And that could get flipped on its ear at any time now!

I realized today swimming (which is when I get my best thinking done, as my mind is liberated from my body) that this pregnancy has physically isolated me. I can't hug anyone, not well. I'm constantly assuming a defensive position if anyone gets close to me, prepared to ward off any contact that will create pain or pressure. At night, if Dave snuggles up to me, or even so much as rests his hand on my shoulder, most of the time I push him away, unable to handle any more sensory input. If the boys need a hug, I brace myself, wince, reposition them so they don't push on me, and end the contact as quickly as I can. How awful! Of course, when the baby's here, I'll be in physical contact with another body all the time -- famine, then feast. But at least then I'll be able to really hug my family again.

10/2/06

Sunday, October 01, 2006

10/1/06 A strange night

Last night I woke up around 4:30am, feeling a distinct cramp. I was very restless, couldn't get comfortable, was alternately too hot or too cold, and every time I started to drift off, I'd feel another cramp. They were all accompanied by the nasty hard-lump feeling of a Braxton-Hicks contraction, so I wasn't convinced labor was starting...or was it? Could it be?

Unfortunately, no. I finally drifted off to sleep around 6am, was awaken twice more by the crampy sensation, and then it all went away. I did feel yet more pressure in the pelvic area today, and am increasingly uncomfortable walking and standing, if that's even possible. Well, minus the round ligament pain -- that trumps all discomforts and pains in walking or standing. But none of that since Monday, I think -- thank goodness!

I took the boys to Erin's birthday party today, a sweet affair in which Kristi hired a mobile petting zoo. They set up a fenced area with rabbits, pigs, and goats; and have a pony to ride too. The boys were mildly interested in this, but quickly got distracted by the fun play areas, including a slide setup and a playhouse.
It was interesting watching Gabriel interact with the other boys -- well, mostly boys, plus Gina, as usual. I was chatting with Benny (Lisa's husband, and father of Quinton), when I saw Gabriel push and knock over Quinton. I've never seen him knock over another kid. Benny said that Quinton had pushed Gabriel too, so we went over to scold them for pushing and make them apologize. Quinton said that Gabriel said he wasn't going to be his friend, something Gabriel says often. I told Gabriel that sort of thing isn't nice to say, and Benny told Quinton that while that's not nice, he can't push. Both boys apologized.

But we both knew it all fell on deaf ears, and it wasn't long before conflict over a ball turned into a multi-kid pileup. I was told later that Gina and Gabriel had teamed up together, and were either taking the ball or defending it from another team. All normal play, though we have to instruct our kids not to hit or push, intervene when it gets out of control (after the pileup, Lisa confiscated the balls, to everyone's relief), and otherwise just let it happen. For the most part, they all played pretty well together. As is so often the case, the running and ball competition was all boys, plus Gina -- who's also the tallest and heaviest of the group. I've never seen the sweet birthday girl, Erin, in such a fray!

Gina was so sweet and kissed Gabriel good-bye, then he ran back to give her a hug, then Julian had to also...though both Betsy and I were anxious to sit down in our cars (she's pregnant too after all), we were glad to see this little lovefest.

I'm actually starting to lose confidence that I'm ever going to have a pain-free day again. Will I ever get used to this heaving, lumbering body?! I'd better, 'cause I'm starting to think it's going to be like this forever!

10/1/06

Saturday, September 30, 2006

9/30/06 My hero

This morning started at 5:30am when Gabriel appeared in our room, crying hard about his "cheek" hurting. Yesterday morning, he'd complained about his ear, then again in the early afternoon, and again in the evening, crying hard for about half an hour. I think I've seen Gabriel cry that long, other than in anger, maybe three times in his life.

So Dave called the pediatrician during Gabriel's gymnastics class this morning, and by then, Gabriel wasn't complaining about it. We thought maybe the pain was due to a permanent molar is coming in (according to the dentist 2 weeks ago). The advice nurse said to watch it, give him Motrin (we had been), and bring him in Monday if need be.

Meanwhile, I went for a swim, came home and took a nap. I heard everyone getting back home, heard a little crying, then it was quiet again. A few minutes after I got up, Dave returned with the boys and a bag from Rite-Aid. Turned out, while I was napping, Gabriel complained again about his ear, Dave called the pediatrician again and zoomed him there for the last appointment of the morning, at noon. Diagnosis: ear infection. Prescription: antibiotics.

(Recently Dave read that the newest approach to ear infections is to see if they clear on their own in 24-48 hours, rather than instantly prescribing antibiotics. But when your very non-complainer kid cries miserably for half an hour one night, then shows up at your bedside at 5:30am crying in pain, it's pretty hard to follow that.)

When Dave got home with the boys, he took care of giving Gabriel his medicine, extracting a tiny pebble from Julian's palm, assorted butt-wiping, doling out milk...all allowing me to come out of a groggy state and sit and have some lunch in peace. Finally, at 2pm, sufficiently rested and fed, I took over, giving the boys a late lunch and getting Julian down for a nap without incident (Gabriel had already curled up on the couch under a blanket voluntarily).


I was so, so grateful to Dave for whisking Gabriel off to the pediatrician and then to the pharmacy, and without consulting me. Not that I'd have minded being consulted of course, but there really was no need, and I really, really needed the rest -- he saw what needed to be done and did it. That's exactly what I need in my compromised state! I was so happy to wake up and find that Gabriel had really been taken care of. Modern times notwithstanding, as the Mom, I'm always the one directing domestic traffic, and perhaps all moms think in the back of their heads that no one can do a better job than they can. But days like today greatly increase our confidence in dads, even though on the surface it might not seem like that big a deal. It really was. Especially now, it's so wonderful to have a day that really shows that I count on Dave.

In the afternoon, everyone napped (I rested again, with reluctance, but my lower back demanded it), then we got ready to go to a housewarming party at Kevin and Angela's. This was a lot of fun: there were so many kids there that the boys were endlessly entertained. Gabriel spent a lot of time staring at an oven that had both an electronic and mechanical digital clock, making sure they were synchronized. Julian at one point had no fewer than six little girls surrounding him playing soccer with him (the youngest girl being about 6). Julian was quite the charmer this evening, being very social and very cute, and at one point planting himself in a small family room where grownups had set up music equipment and were playing and singing. He really, really likes music.

I had a great time catching up with our longtime moto-friends at this party; it may be my last social event pregnant. I hope!

The Braxton-Hicks contractions are getting more frequent and more intense, often pushing down on me in such a way that gives me a crampy, and actually borderline painful, feeling. But crampy feelings that are accompanied by the irritating pressure of a B-H contraction are meaningless. It's the other occasional crampy sensations that get my hopes up. But, so far, nothing. At least we know one thing: the baby will be born in October 2006, since as I type, September has only two hours left.

9/30/06

Friday, September 29, 2006

9/29/06 Baby3 holds out

I had a lot of weird cramping and pressure last night. Each pang brought on a fresh wave of hope that this would be IT! But, it all went away. From experience with Julian's birth, odd feelings like that will gradually escalate if it's really leading to labor. I get more odd feelings now, but they're not close to converging into actual contractions.

It all seems so far away, yet I know that it's a very, very real and huge thing that's going to happen in the next few (well, 12 or so) days.

A 4th day with no round ligament attacks. Incredible! I remember from my motorcycling days that on particularly arduous stretches that I'd ask myself: "if I could remove one discomfort, which would it be?" (headache, butt hurts, freezing fingers, etc.) Somehow that helped me focus on one thing, rather than several. Well, if a wish-fairy had presented itself last week and I'd have been able to pick one thing to get rid of, no question it'd have been the nasty leg zaps. I'd have gotten my main wish -- not a hallmark of this pregnancy so far!

Yesterday I had Julian all day, and Gabriel for the afternoon. Thankfully, I got a good snooze during Julian's nap, partly thanks to Gabriel falling asleep on his vaunted Teddy Bear.

Today, I had help from Sarah, a wonderful sitter that Tonya recommended. Tonya was closed today, so we needed childcare coverage Just In Case, but I'm also never sure how every day will shape up, and handling the boys all day myself can be very risky (though I was basically OK yesterday).

Still, I'm so glad Sarah was here, I was able to swim (yay), grocery-shop (barely), and rest (essential). Best of all, the boys had a fun entertaining day, something I can't really give them right now (sniff). Sarah also got to know the boys and our household, just in case we need to call on her this weekend. Peggy is also available, and Stacey is our fallback, until Tonya is back in action on Monday.

So while we don't exactly have a coherent Plan for the weekend, we have coverage. Besides, "plans" have a way of forming themselves when it comes to the unknowns of childbirth.

Only one more day left of September -- then October won't sound so far away!

9/29/06

Thursday, September 28, 2006

9/28/06 Julian goes to a birthday party

Aww, isn't this adorable. Kyan (3rd from left) turns 2 on Sep.30th, and his very-together mom brought things for a little birthday party for him at Tonya's. I knew Tonya had critical mass of kids around the same age (all born within 6 months of each other), but didn't realize they are all boys.

Left to right: Lance, Julian, Raj, Reese, Kyan, Zahaan, and Rohan.

(Zahaan is at Tonya's because of a 15-minute conversation I struck up with his very nice and friendly mother at Portal Park one day -- I recommended Tonya and Zahaan has been there for months now! He's exactly one month older than Julian, and Lance is 7 days younger. Kyan is the youngest.)

No sign of Baby#3 yet, but things are changing. One huge change for the better is the recession of the painful round ligament attacks. That makes a huge difference in my mood and in my day. Still, my walking is very impaired and I live with intense, constant, and daily-increasing downward pressure, and on my organs. Every new little feeling I have raises my hopes that this is finally IT, but Dr. Teagle said on Tuesday that if she had to guess (and she did have to since I insisted!) it'd still be another week. C'mon baby, you're baked, it's time. 12 more days until Due Date!

Thursday 9/28/06

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

9/27/06 The home stretch

(I've got to learn just to post little notes -- it doesn't have to be a comprehensive tome! And doesn't absolutely have to have photos, though I always like entries better that way.)

I'm now 38 weeks along, and very, very ready to have baby#3. Incredibly, the last 2 days, things have actually improved somewhat, with no major round ligament pain to speak of. I can't believe what a difference this makes to my day and to my overall outlook. I'm still very limited in what walking and maneuvering I can do, but I'm not limping now and not at risk of a brutal stab when I stand up. I am so much happier throughout the day without that!

The boys have been really good lately, especially together. In the mornings, they've been playing together before Dave and I get up, and five minutes can actually elapse before anyone cries! Sometimes, even 45 minutes! It used to be that the moment they were in the same room, (usually) Julian was crying. Both boys have made some real maturity leaps lately, both in mannerisms, use of language, and reactions to things. I haven't even had to send Gabriel to his room in at least a week!

Remodeling is still dragging along, down to little details in our bedroom, and larger ones in the other two bedrooms. A lot of work has been done on little closets in the boys' room and the babys' room, and soon they will just be awaiting doors, which I've ordered. I'm very ready to be done with having contractors here and our upstairs being living space again, instead of a construction zone.


Here's Julian showing off his little crown-hat he "made" in Tonya's preschool. I've had to make use of a lot of childcare lately, and will continue to through October. But come November, I'll scale back to just a preschool schedule, since in theory, I'll have my body back. I am so SO looking forward to that!

- mommieN.
9/27/06

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

8/2/06: Julian has his first accident-free day!


Yay! Julian did it! He made it from morning to night in the same pair of underpants and shorts! Good for you, little boy!


It wasn't a particularly challenging day, as he was at Tonya's all day, but that has its own distractions and challenges too. Still, as became clear in the first few days of underpants, this has been swimmingly easy. It's only taken him a few days to learn when not to go, to wait and to consolidate. He goes far less often now than he did just a few days ago, and when he does go, there's a lot more to it. I thought Gabriel was pretty easy to potty-train, but Julian has made it downright trivial. (Of course, half of dealing with Gabriel was his typical resistance-for-the-sake-of-resistance.) Hmm...I hope I don't jinx anything by speaking in the past tense (of course, setbacks are to be expected, but no more diapers for Julian, just Pull-Ups for sleeping).

Gabriel made a teensy bit of progress last night in night-training too. Mostly, night-training has meant us getting him up late at night to pee, and then he's still wet in the morning. In the almost 3 weeks that we've been trying, he's only had 4 dry mornings. But this morning, he came downstairs in a new pair of pajamas, and Dave remembered hearing activity upstairs around 4am. Apparently, Gabriel had woken up wet, and then changed his pajamas, taken his wet sheet and piddle pad and put them in the washer, then got the clean piddle pad and a clean sheet from a shelf, put them on his bed, and went back to sleep! The big breakthrough there is that he woke up at all. I think he's a long way from night-training, but this was an encouraging baby step.

I'm so glad Tonya is open again this week, I've really needed the time off. Partly, I'm getting to the point where all the bending, standing, getting up off the floor, lifting, etc, in taking care of two little kids is pretty hard, and makes me heavy-headed and dizzy. But also, I've needed, and wanted, time to catch up on remodeling and financial things, and the concentration and focus is a huge relief. I don't know, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a full-time mom, I really go crazy without being able to really think. A fine time for such an insight!

This week has brought about some schedule changes too. Gabriel's been going to a week-long sports camp from 9am to noon, skipping pre-K and skipping swim class, which is now at 10:40am for 3 weeks. So, I've been leaving the house around 8:30am with both boys, giving Dave a much-needed morning break (and a rare peaceful breakfast), then taking Gabriel to sports camp. On a swim class day, I then take Julian to the Y so I can squeeze in a short workout (but no swim since the pool isn't open for lap swim at that time), then zoom to swim class at 10:40am.

Next week, when Gabriel doesn't have sports camp, I'll take them straight to the Y, then to swim class. I like that better than what I was doing, which was swim class first, then the Y; it's less exhausting for me. The one downside is that I don't get to swim at the Y, but I'm starting to really dislike swimming there anyway.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, when the boys are in childcare all day, I've been going to the CA Sports Center in Sunnyvale, which has a huge pool for competitive swimming, and lots of lanes open for lap swim at lunchtime. I absolutely love swimming there, especially compared to the Y: I never have to circle swim with 5 or 6 poor swimmers as I often have to at the Y, the water is clearer, cooler, and deeper, and it's outdoors. It just feels SO much better. No matter how much I'm dragging, I swim there any day I get the chance.

Today, I had a headache, I was really tired, and feeling like I could barely move, but I forced myself to go swim. But the moment I dove into the water, I was instantly cured. It was like a cleansing bath, one that revitalized me, made me feel strong and mobile and made every movement enjoyable, and worked through stiffness in my back, sciatic stabs in my leg, massaged my tricky sacro-iliac joint, and even solved my headache. No, I must never EVER miss out on a swim if it can be helped at all.

So what about Gabriel's sports camp? He's learning soccer, basketball, and baseball, though really most of what I've seen are little exercises to get the kids learning to play in groups and on teams, take turns, follow instructions and such. For example, the first day, he stood in a circle with other kids while they kicked a ball to each other. Today I watched for a while as they did a sort of tag game: the kids in the yellow jerseys ran around and tagged other kids, who then had to freeze when tagged.


Gabriel claims he doesn't like it, but the instant he's there, he runs to join the group and doesn't stop smiling or running. His pal Gina is there too, though to my surprise, it's taken her a little more getting-used to; Betsy says she can be hesitant in new situations. I've never, ever seen Gina hesitate!

One thing that really struck me the first day was the difference between the girls and the boys. The boys all joined the group and ran right away, but the girls were far more reticent, and stood and watched, holding hands in pairs! One Dad told me that he had no idea whose hand his daughter (pink hat) was holding; apparently the two girls just met and found instant comfort in standing together. Of course, some boys can be reluctant too (like Julian), but none in this group.

Gina wasn't quite like the other girls, as usual, and did join right in the running (that's her in the gray shirt chasing Gabriel in the orange shirt). By the time we pick the kids up, the girls are running around and playing equally with the boys; it just struck me how it took them so much more warm-up time. There are also quite a few more boys than girls in this camp. Gabriel has mentioned that he made a friend there though, McKenna. Naturally, a girl.

Music to any mother's ears: "Mommy, can I please have more fish?".

Julian ate the better part of a trout filet tonight, himself! I made broccoli, rice and fish for dinner, and just didn't have the energy to make the boys chicken (and wanted to save my get-out-of-the-kitchen-free card, of Trader Joe's frozen chicken nuggets, for another time). I put a few bites of fish on the boys' plates, anticipating complete rejection, but to my amazement, Julian gobbled it down. He ate most of mine, and twice as much as Dave did. Even Gabriel ate his bites of fish, but probably only because he heard my carefully engineered comment to Julian that trout was Gabriel's favorite. Just goes to show: if you really don't want to make kid food, don't! (Of course, I often do want to make kid food: it's fast and to tell the truth, I like macaroni and cheese!).

A few other photos of general life here. It seems that they're mostly of Julian, perhaps because he does more varied things. There are only so many playing-with-train photos I can take of Gabriel! (Also, some of these photos of Julian were taken while Gabriel was in his room being punished for...oops, nowadays we don't do that, we say "cooling off" (oh please)....for a nasty new habit of spitting at me. And not in play, in clear defiance when he's been told to do something, or not to do something. A very obnoxious new behavior, and infuriating -- never do you want to smack someone so much as when they do that sort of thing, but I'm sure it'd be lost on Gabriel.)









I should break down and take a picture of myself; it's downright shocking how huge I am. My belly sticks out so far it looks like a shelf, and it's even more uncomfortable than it looks. Funny thing is, when I'm standing in water, I'm really not all that big, but without the water to support my belly, it just hangs right out. (In the water, I now absolutely have to wear a maternity bathing suit that Steph sent me -- and thank goodness for that! I just can't get away with a regular suit anymore, I'm too big.) At least my stomach proper isn't tormenting me as badly. I still have bad tastes in my mouth, heartburn, general sick-to-my-stomach feelings, sometimes pain, but it's not unbearable anymore as it was the first four months.

On an unrelated technical note, I'm actually starting to think about sending out email updates again and terminating this blog. There are many reasons for this idea, none of which by itself is compelling, but in total makes me think about it. I like having the kids' lives archived in email, on my own computer, in a format I can control. Readers seem to prefer having the updates pushed to them, rather than having to check the Web site. I prefer the look of inline photos, but blogspot seems to have a problem with uploading multiple pictures at a time, and I have to do some crude HTML editing to put the photos inline, so the photo part is actually more time-consuming and error-prone. Finally, I'd kinda rather that "Gabriel and Julian" not show up on a Google search, though I can't pinpoint exactly why. The one good thing is that I'm not making myself do this every day, and seem to have settled into something akin to once a week or two. Of course, this could change tomorrow, as I'm never sure how I'm going to feel at any given moment.

Ouch! One thing I can say about #3, he or she is one bony baby! I am constantly getting prodded and poked from inside, and it's getting downright painful. It's bizarre and weird even to me to see limbs sticking out from my poor overstretched belly, but it happens all the time. Gabriel was a kicker (lots of rapid knocking movements from one place), Julian was a stretcher, and this one is a poker. And verry busy! I wonder who this little person will be.

8/2/2006

Friday, July 28, 2006

7/28/06 Julian on his way!

Today was Day#6 of underpants for Julian. And he's doing so well, I'm afraid I'm going to get overconfident!

The first day, last Sunday (7/23), it was a big deal that he told us he had to go once, and we had piles of wet underpants. But by yesterday (Thursday), he only had two accidents, and only one of those was of the "wet but doesn't say anything" variety, and today, he only had one! The one he had today was actually a poop accident, rare for him, but it happened while he was outside, and he came right in to tell me (given this little boy's struggle with his stiff bowels, it's quite understandable). Now he's going less often now (learning to consolidate), can wait a few minutes when he announces it's time to go, and is much more willing to go before we get in the car or leave someplace. And he's been to the Y's Childwatch and my old gym's daycare four times this week, a huge challenge for any new potty-trainer. Next step is for him to learn to handle his clothes himself -- not all his underpants are easy to pull down, and some of his shorts aren't either.

At this rate, he'll night-train before Gabriel! (And ugh, don't get me started on that ... complete opposite of Julian's success, and we have no idea what to do.) I'm not sure I dare yet to say he's done, but he's so close I see no reason to go back to diapers (and I just bought a huge box, darn). I'm so proud of him!


Fri.7/28/06