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I was all set to sit down and blog happily about a good day, when the evening had to intrude.
First, today is Dave's 40th birthday. Happy Birthday! Middle age suits Dave, as he's always been a bit curmudgeonly. And I say that with the greatest affection.
This morning, I spent some time with Julian before music class, then went to music class. I considered blowing it off, as I have a lot to catch up on and had arranged for him to be at Tonya's all day, but my lack of one-on-one time with the boys has really weighed on me lately.
First, Julian had to play with a very soft bear that Beth brought for Katrina.
I'm glad we went to music class, Julian had a great time and sang the songs in the class all the way home. On the way to class, Julian was singing a song he made up: "I am a pizza."
Katrina, who stayed awake for about 45 minutes after each wakeup last night (urgh), managed to sleep through the utter racket of music class though!
After music class, I took Julian to Tonya's, went home and had lunch and talked to a carpenter, then picked Gabriel up from Kids Inc. I'd considered finding him a playdate today, but again thought he needed some home downtime and some mom-alone time, if baby would permit that.
Gabriel was great, singing a storyline about trains while building a track, then let me take a much-needed nap. He helped me wrap a present for Dave, cutting a very straight line in the wrapping paper, cutting the ribbon, putting scotch tape down just so.
Then I set him up with a Stacey-inspired project while I tended to Katrina, of cutting bits of wrapping paper and ribbon and pasting them to a piece of paper. He really liked this project and very proudly showed me his work. I imagined he'd do a more random collage sort of thing, but I keep forgetting who I'm dealing with! We had some hot chocolate, sat and talked, and overall had a very nice afternoon together.
Then it was time to pick up Julian. When we got home, Katrina was awake, tired, and not happy. No chance at all to get started on dinner, which meant the boys started falling apart fast, with Julian being the primary perpetrator. He still screeches a horrible high-pitched sound when he's mad, which now means an instant trip outside. I had to confiscate toys, grab them apart from each other, scold them for throwing, kick Julian out, all with a fussy baby on me.
Meantime, I tried to soothe Katrina by dancing her around in the pouch, which calmed her for a very short time.
And Julian has suddenly gone way backward in his pottying. Sunday, watching Thomas, he peed on the couch and didn't tell us. Then Tuesday at Tonya's he did it again, then again today when I picked him up. At home, he had another accident just an hour later!! I got to take care of that with one hand and crying baby on me too.
The good news in all this is that I'm far more physically capable now than I was even a week ago. I found myself trotting down our porch stairs today, and later, going upstairs two at a time, carrying a kicking screaming Julian. Being able to stand up and dance a fussy baby around for half an hour without my postpartum rear end throbbing in pain is also a huge improvement. I still have a ways to go, but I'll be ready to start exercising next week. Yay!
Finally the boys settled down and conspired to set up a play bed right in the kitchen (I think because I had to put a pajama top on Julian after he wet his T-shirt), so they were good while I was making dinner. But Katrina still wouldn't let me off the hook -- everything I did while making and eating dinner was in quick 10-minute snippets between her needing more attention.
Then Julian spoiled what should have been a nice, if brief, birthday celebration for Dave, getting himself sent to his room for the rest of the evening. Which meant, no cake! Boy was he bummed about that. I hope this lesson sinks in, but I have my doubts.
Gabriel, meantime, was great, and sang Happy Birthday with me (though I was very sad that Julian wasn't with us). I couldn't sit down with Dave and Gabriel for cake though, since Katrina called once again. We never did get to open Dave's gift that Gabriel had so proudly helped wrap.
I'm still sorry Julian was such a pain tonight, but glad I had a lot of good one-on-one time with both boys today, especially Gabriel. I don't want Katrina to grow up too quickly, but things will be a lot easier when she can be awake and not demand my full attention and both my hands too. Just a few minutes here and there of being happy so I can throw some frozen food in the microwave would be a big help!
After an afternoon and evening of waking up soon after falling asleep, and waking up tired and cranky every time, I gave her a bath and she settled right down. It was the calmest bath she's had yet, and Dave got her to sleep afterward, which is why I'm able to write right now at all.
Still, despite the hectic and demanding evening, at least it has a semblance of normalcy, and can only get better from there. I'm so grateful and excited to be physically recovering and regaining strength and energy to deal with all this. I have to. There is no other way.
10/19/06
Another textbook night, mostly. Wakeups every 3 hours or so, and right back to sleep afterward. Yay baby! OK, there was a little "happy baby fun time" at 6am, meaning, awake and alert, but not crying. A few times today I got 10 minutes or so at a time of Katrina just looking around calmly. Good, 'cause when she's crying, she's pretty hard to hold. Newborns are so floppy, they take two hands to hold.
Betsy gave us an adorable sleeper/blanket/cloth matching set, with purple flowers. I'm really not big on the whole cute-girl-clothes thing, but this really is pretty. I do like nice patterns on fabrics and scrapbook paper, after all. Katrina looks adorable in it, but also the blanket is a nice heavy one and great for a tight swaddle. Which she still gets out of. (Thank you Betsy!)
We finally FINALLY got some decent shelves in the garage! After months of bugging this carpenter for a time and date, he built us some fabulous heavy-duty storage shelves in the garage. The lowest shelf is deliberately high enough to store bicycles, strollers, shop-vacs and any number of large, awkwardly-shaped things, underneath.
My closets are done in our bedroom too, and most of the construction stuff is out of our bedroom. This weekend, we'll try to move all the upstairs furniture into that room. Yay! Though baby will make that difficult, at least now that I'm not pregnant, it's not impossible. A trip up the stairs doesn't wipe me out for hours now (though walking around Target today said that I'm still a long, long ways from normal).
Another wonderful dinner from another wonderful mom friend tonight. I've been saying I have no family support here, but I do have amazing support from my Las Madres mom friends -- some of whom I don't even know very well. I hope I can return the favor someday, these ladies are really marvelous.
10/18/06
Day by day, a routine is gradually emerging. Katrina's best sleep time seems to be all morning and early afternoon, which I'm gently interrupting by waking her every 2-3 hours to nurse.
This morning we had a nice breakthrough: some awake happy time! I set her down in the bouncer and she looked around for about 15 minutes, listening to me and her brothers bustling about, getting ready for school/Tonya's. Eventually she got sleepy and nodded off.
In the late afternoon, she's awake more, and I try to extend awake-happy times as possible by entertaining her. Today's "entertainment" was going to pick up Gabriel at Gavin's house for another playdate. Stacey is amazing, she's taken Gabriel two weeks in a row now, and today had another kid too. Her fabulous house in Los Altos has a studio in the back, a perfect play area for the kids. Gabriel wasted no time diving into Gavin's GeoTrax train set.
Unfortunately, getting him to leave was a problem; he wouldn't pee, put his shoes on, or thank Stacey, and ended up hurling commands and insults at me as well. I talked to him about it later, and he claimed to be sorry and said he wouldn't do so again.
In the late evening after dinner, I try to keep Katrina awake and happy and give her brothers some time to see her. Tonight she tolerated the bouncer again for about 15 minutes! Then I give her a bath, only to establish the habit and in theory because the warm water should be soothing (though I waited too long tonight and she was too tired and cried hard through the whole thing).
After the bath, it's pajamas and "bedtime," meaning, I put her in the bassinet, lights low, noisemaker on (to mask kitchen sounds), brothers upstairs.
Tonight I actually put her down with eyes glazed and crossed, but open, and she went to sleep on her own! I'm trying not to nurse her to sleep, partly because it hurts like all get-out right now, and partly so that she learns to fall asleep on her own from the very beginning and we don't have a painful transition later. I also can't handle having her in bed with us right now, as it's still difficult for me to manuever myself lying down.
So, no (or little) falling asleep on me, and no sleeping right next to me in bed. This should avoid problems I had with the first two that truly detracted from my baby experience...but at what cost? I do so miss those warm moments. There's nothing in the world like going to sleep and waking up surrounding your sweet baby, touching them during the night, feeling them breathe. Or is there? Being alert and rested to enjoy your baby during the day is pretty good too.
Last night was a textbook night, with wakeups every 3 hours, nurse, then right back to sleep. Let's hope for more of that!
10/17/06
Today I picked Gabriel and Julian up from Tonya's with Katrina, and put all three of them in the car for the first time! Then took them home and had all three alone for about an hour while I prepared dinner. Fortunately, Katrina slept through all of that. Still, it was a momentous occasion.
The night report: so-so. We had a few hours of waking up soon after going to sleep, lots of crying. From 12pm - 1am, I danced her around the living room, and she calmed down for brief periods during that, but eventually wouldn't be consoled at all. Then I tried (again) lying down with her and giving her the pacifier, and she settled down after a while. I fell asleep too, but not comfortably, and didn't really get to stretch out and sleep until 3:30am, when I moved her to the bassinet.
One thing I'm doing very differently is not letting the baby sleep all day. I wake Katrina up every 2-3 hours to nurse (if she doesn't wake up herself) during the day. The intent is to coax her long stretches of sleep to be at night, but I'm finding other benefits too. It gives me little stretches of the day when I can be fairly confident she'll sleep, such as if I have to take another kid to the pediatrician, or prepare dinner. (Note that I don't say "make" dinner, because my wonderful mom friends have been showering us with premade homemade meals!)
Tonya commented today that Katrina has such a serious look about her. I know exactly what she means, and it's almost eerie. Katrina's facial expressions -- the studious furrowed brow, the focus, the pout, the whistle-face, and the attraction to ceiling fans -- all carbon copies of her older older brother. She doesn't do these things nearly as long as Gabriel did, in fact happy alert times with me are pretty short and rare, but she's still so much like Gabriel it's a little nerve-wracking!
Two baths in a row without any significant crying, except the getting in and out part. Now that I can really immerse her, she likes it when I go so far as to take her out of the bath seat and just float her around the water. Good, 'cause we're a water family around here.
10/16/06
Gabriel has something on his face that we at first thought was a scrape, but not only didn't it heal, it gradually got worse and worse as days passed. He kept wiping the back of his hand across it, and now it's on his hand!
So I took him to see Dr. Loeb today, but it's no big deal. Some sort of "contact rash," not contagious (or we'd all be covered in it by now), treated with hydrocortisone or a prescription steroid cream if necessary.
I had some time waiting in the doctor's office to just sit and talk to him. It wasn't about much; he still says a lot of nonsensical things, but especially with a new baby in the house, it really struck me how far we've come. He's a regular little kid now. I really need to spend more time doing that, just sitting and talking to him.
Gabriel actually comes home with "homework," believe it or not. It's not really homework, there's no deadline, and no penalty for not doing it. The intent is to get parents to sit and help their kids with a minor project and reinforce the skills they learned at school. This week, the homework helped him practice his scissor skills (last week was Scissor Safety Week), by first coloring a skeleton, then cutting out the pieces, then pasting it to a piece of construction paper. Old hat for artists like cousin Aidan, but we don't do a lot of that around here (and should do more). Gabriel is very meticulous and careful -- and slow -- but does a neat job and really enjoys the "hard work." I don't know, is there a future scrapbooker here?!
I'm encouraged by my daily improvement, so trying to ignore the fact that my body is a long ways off from rehabilitation. My lower back being forced into the position it was for so long really took its toll, and I still can't stand for any real length of time yet. My abdomen is still pretty tender, in new ways every day, but I can lift things (like an infant seat with a not-quite-7-lb infant in it!) now, and get up out of chairs easily, curl up on the couch, and even wash dishes (oh joy).
Gabriel asked me today when we were talking in the doctor's office if I can run with him yet. I told him no, but soon, and when I do I'll run a lot faster! It's in sight: running and chasing and piggy-back rides and tickling. And baking together. Who knew I'd miss those things the most.
10/16/06
Drat, lots to say but outta time, baby awake again. Last night was OK, but it's not looking good for tonight, lots of every-half-hour wakeups.
Katrina with a very funny look on her face wearing an adorable penguin onesy from Spain! Can you believe those skinny ankles though?!10/15/06
Yay! Yesterday's all-day wakeups and fusses turned into a stellar night, with baby waking up every 3 hours or so, and going right back to sleep after nursing.
Our first truly pink thing: another "Aunt Helen" blanket. Aunt Helen sent us one from Land's End for Gabriel years ago, and it was my favorite blanket. So now another one for Katrina, and with her name stitched on it! It's so soft, I love it. I took some photos to include in the thank-you note I must write soon.
We attempted a family photo session, but the boys were being impossible. The best shot Ryan was able to get didn't include Gabriel. But Ryan got lots of other fabulous shots, as usual, and with a very old Canon point-and-shoot camera. Just goes to show, it's not the equipment, it's the operator.
To my surprise, taking Katrina outside doesn't instantly turn off the tears as it did with her brothers. Nor does motion. We went for a short walk today with Katrina in the carseat/stroller, and she cried until she fell asleep. I assumed the moment the fresh air touched her face she'd relax and look around at the sky. Nope. It's amazing how every baby is so unique from the outset, yet the newborn stage of life is when people have the most in common too.
Finally got a shot of baby smiling in her sleep. So sweet! I had a lot of opportunity to catch the smile reflex on camera since she slept a LOT today. I'm apprehensive about tonight. I don't mind her being awake, but awake and crying is no fun in the middle of the night, and so far most of her awake time is spent crying.
As brand-new-newborns go, so far she's the hardest of the three, but I am experienced enough to know that doesn't mean a thing. It's all ages and stages, and each kid will present his or her own challenges at various times in their lives.
I'm a long, long way from physically rehabilitated, but absolutely thrilled that I can do things like sit curled up on the couch, bend down to pick things up without swooning, change direction quickly...it won't be long before I'll start exercising again. I can't wait!
Fingers crossed for tonight...
10/14/06
Not a bad night, as they go...two three-hour stretches of sleep for me, not that bad. Then the usual long sleep in the morning, rudely interrupted by a pediatrician visit. 6 lbs 14 oz, gaining, not as fast as they like, but nothing to worry about.
Today though...ouch! Since about 1pm, Katrina hasn't slept for more than 45 minutes at a time. She's clearly tired but keeps waking up after falling what appears to be soundly asleep. I don't nurse her every time, it just hurts too much, and I know it's not hunger since she doesn't always finish a bottle either. As I type, it's 11:30pm and I know I only have a few minutes 'cause she's going to wake up any minute again. I just hope she's getting it out of her system during the day, and will let us sleep a little tonight!
I carried her in the sling today for the first time, which she didn't like at first, but after an hour or so she finally fell asleep. Then I put her down and gave my back a break, but of course she woke up 15 minutes later. Laura and Ryan got her to sleep a few times, more easily than I could have, but once again, wakeup just a few minutes later.
We went for a walk! I actually walked around the block, then to Starbucks (where aunt and uncle gush over their beautiful niece). I couldn't believe how easily I got out of breath, and had to walk slowly, and I feel achy now, but it was so worth it. A taste of freedom and of my newly liberated body! But it sure has a ways to go before it heals completely.
Julian a big pest today, but got some comfort from Aunt Laura after being banished from the dining room ... I forget why now, was it spitting, smacking the table, banging his fork on a glass, screeching? Could be any number of things.
Gabriel was an angel for most of the day, until nighttime when he hit Julian in bed, spit at me when I scolded him, and only caved in when he ended up banished to the garage. That kid is absolutely unbelievable in his willingness to field any punishment given him just to prove a point. But I should emphasize: he was really good today overall.
The boys are having a great time with Aunt Laura and Uncle Ryan, as are we!
And thank you to my friend Sandy (who also has a daughter named Katrina) for a wonderful dinner! I can't believe what nice and generous friends I have.
10/13/06
Laura and Ryan are here, yay!Baby had me up all night long again, refusing to stay asleep for more than an hour at a time, and often less. After finally calming her, getting her to sleep and putting her in the bassinet, she'd wake up crying not 15 minutes later. This went on from 8pm in the evening until 9am in the morning, when she settled into a deeper sleep. And stayed so until 2pm, including through the racket of Julian's music class!I plugged in a monitor in the room we're staying in (me, Dave and Katrina), which involved some crawling under a table, reaching for things, getting up and down off the floor and various maneuvers. While they're still difficult, slow and a little painful, at least I can do them now! That awful pregnancy is starting to become a far-away memory.Oddly, I almost don't want this time to pass too quickly, I guess because I know it's one of those amazing times in your life that you'll look back on as being ... well, amazing. It's hard to believe I'd ever look back on anything about my third pregnancy with fondness or nostalgia, other than perhaps the swimming. But I guess in retrospect -- now that I have one -- it was an amazing time, if not in a pleasant way. But with a very, very positive outcome.Katrina slept soundly all day again, and is looking to start her antics again of waking up 10-15 minutes after we finally get her down. Please, not another full night of that!No photos today.10/12/06
I'd forgotten how quickly a newborn's hair gets greasy. Besides, it was time for a quasi-bath anyway (we can't immerse Katrina until her cord falls off). She does not like this process! But consoled herself with a thumb afterward, though she didn't know what to do with the rest of her fingers.
After a nice visit with Lacy (who brought us a huge baked ziti and a whole bunch of adorable girl clothes from Gymboree, thanks again!), Katrina took a nap, with a blanket given to us by Sara and Saul (thanks too!). Her hair was so fuzzy and cute, though hours later it was all oily again.
Recently I tried to show Gabriel how to tie his shoes, in steps. Julian took great interest too, especially the first part where you cross the laces and put one end under the "tunnel" (before the rabbit-ears part). I wondered if Julian would take to shoe-tying more, as he tends to engage himself in fine-motor-skills sorts of things more than Gabriel does.
Well, this afternoon, Julian spent a good half hour tying his laces (the first 'X' cross that is, not the whole thing) again and again and again until he'd made a giant knot! Goofball.
Gabriel had another drop-off playdate on Tuesday (yesterday) afternoon, this time with Gavin and Cassie (thank you Stacey!). After great concern and excitement about Gavin's plastic, instead of wooden, train tracks (a GeoTrax set), Stacey managed to wrest them all away to the park to ride bicycles. They had a great time together! She said it was all she could do to keep up with them, but at least she was able to get a few pictures.
Ugh, the night doesn't bode well. This entire evening has been spent nursing Katrina every half hour, between which she sleeps fitfully for 10-15 minutes, then wakes up acting starved, rooting and crying inconsolably and won't be settled by any of our usual techniques -- except feeding, for a while. This cycle has gone on for hours tonight.I just gave Dave a bottle to give her, which she sucked down immediately and is now snoozing peacefully in Dave's arms. But then, 15 minutes hasn't passed yet. Is she getting enough from me? Me and my "girls" are getting paranoid again.Katrina knows me now though. If she's crying and Dave's holding her, when I take her she calms down immediately, at least at first.One odd consequence of having a girl after two boys is that we have to get into the "she" and "her" pronoun habit. Even today, Dave referred to the baby as "him," and I've had to stop myself doing that too. Stacey told me that she and Scott did the same thing at first with their daughter. I guess you associate the pronouns of the sex of the first baby you have with 'baby" in general.Argh, I hear baby-wakeup noises again. I'm never going to get to sleep tonight!10/11/06
Gabriel...our meticulous little boy. Above is part of his "homework" -- he completely freehanded those words himself. He's slow, but very very precise, which is what makes him slow. I'm impressed his writing has gotten this good!
And the train track...sort of a yin/yang thing. I guess he saw a pattern like that printed on a train-track mat at Quinton's house and then reproduced it at home.
He also noticed that "Katrina" has 7 letters.
Meanwhile Julian likes to eat raw broccoli stems. He was supposed to be helping me with dinner by throwing away the parts of broccoli I cut off (my family is spoiled by nice bite-sized florettes). Instead, he chows it down. 
And Katrina...who does she look like? It's hard to say. She reminds me very much of newborn Gabriel, the times she's alert and not crying, though toned down to one-tenth. Her alert times are far shorter (Gabriel from Day One with his hour-long concentrated alert times), but her expressions and faces remind me very much of her older older brother.
I was watching "A Baby Story" on TV, and was amazed that she responded to the sound of another newborn baby crying (by calming down and seeming to listen for it). I remember being surprised when an 8-month-old baby recognized other baby crying sounds, but a 5-day-old? I should know better than to underestimate babies by now!
We have to remodel our kitchen. The counter only fits four plates across for serving.Night is not looking good, baby keeps waking up 5-10 minutes after putting her down asleep, and this time just after giving her a solid ounce of milk via bottle -- I've played my trump card for the night, now what?!10/10/06
I made an incredible find on eBay: a pair of size 4 Slim jeans for the ULTRA-skinny kid. The seller even said she's selling them because to her amazement, the waist was too small for her super-slim boy. I smile knowingly at such statements, because I have yet to run into anyone with a healthy boy who can match Gabriel in the skinny department. And indeed, the jeans fit him beautifully. How nice to see him in pants that are long and slender enough for once. He looks like such a regular kid. Unfortunately, it's an obscure brand ("New Legends") that isn't easy to find. But if you do find some, snatch up as many size 4 Slim as possible!
Gabriel suddenly has decided he wants to pronounce "sp." Out of the blue, he went from saying "soon," "sider," and "sot," to "spoon," "spider," and "spot." We can't figure out what prompted this change. Most likely, he just decided to do it. When will he do that for night-training?
From an article in the 10/8 Sunday NY Times Magazine: "The concept of yetser hara, the bad impulse within us that is a source of passion and an impetus to creativity, and the yetser tov, the good and proper impulse." Applied to children, this says that "your child's worst trait is also the seed of his best traits." That's Gabriel to a T.
The boys absolutely love seeing their new baby sister, almost too much. It's all we can do to keep their fingers and faces out of her face. No jealousy at all, just far more interest than a newborn baby can provide, as she's not awake all that much. In due time.
10/9/06
I had such an amazing moment last night, prefaced by a really bad one. I tried pumping breastmilk, and was barely able to eke out a watery 1 ounce. No wonder Katrina had been crying and rooting after nursing, and her diapers were nearly dry -- I'm starving my baby! I irrationally felt terrible. Of course I know that my baby isn't going to starve, but the most fundamental thing a nursing mother can do is feed her baby, and it seems I wasn't.
After my disheartening pump attempt, she woke up and I nursed her. Then soon after, she woke up crying and rooting again. So I gave her a bottle with the meager ounce that I'd pumped. And she sucked most of it down in about a minute! Poor hungry baby!Then she looked at me. Really looked at me, first with crossed eyes, then a furrowed brow. Then she looked at me for about 15 minutes, actually smiling about 3 times. It was amazing. I know the smile was just the classic newborn reflex, she does it in her sleep too. But she wasn't asleep, she was looking right at me. She even tracked my face with her eyes if I moved back and forth. It was the first time she was alert and happy with me. If there's an actual moment when a mother falls in love with her new baby, this was it.
But is she getting enough from me? I was glad we had a pediatrician appointment today. And all is well! Dr. Zetis was wonderful and warm and reassuring. Katrina's put on 2 oz since her weight dip at the hospital (from 7 lbs 2oz at birth to 6 lbs 10 oz 24 hours later), up to 6 lbs 12 oz. Her color and demeanor are excellent. Dr. Zetis agreed that perhaps she should have had a breastfed-baby BM by now, but Katrina took care of that later in the day. So all looks well. Whew!
The simple joys are returning to my life. I'm still tender from surgery, but healing steadily and thrilled that I have some mobility back. I actually took a shower today - a real stand-up shower! I had some tea. I had some apple slices. I stepped over things without having to lift my knee up with my hand. Soon I'll be able to concentrate on the important things in life: baking, making Halloween costumes, going to the park; rather than my day being completely controlled by pain management. Hooray!
Katrina gets a LOT of comments about her beautiful hair. It is a lot of hair, long in the back, and very fluffy. Odds are it will all fall out and grow back differently, of course. Oh yeah, I get to live through that joy again -- postpartum "bangs." Yippee.I love this photo because I caught her with the adorable crossed feet that fames her younger older brother. I didn't catch on camera the adorable "whistle face" of her older older brother, I'd forgotten about that! Newborns are so amazing.Maybe because it was such a good day (starting with a good night, a great pediatrician's visit, a nice visit with Stacey, a very happy non-fussy baby, and Dave doing all the little-boy care), but it struck me today that I am so glad I have three children. Already I can't imagine it any other way. Check in with me on that the first time I'm alone with all three!10/9/06
Last night was better. Katrina was still awake for much of it, but in the first part of the night we got some sleep.
I see a bad pattern emerging in which she wakes up and roots heavily, seeming like she wants to nurse, but then only nurses for a few minutes -- just enough to fall back to sleep. Then 20 minutes later, same thing. This is not good. For me, it just makes me very, very sore. For her, she isn't nursing long or well enough to get the good stuff, I think. I haven't seen a lot of wetness in her diapers, the real indicator. She nurses a lot better when it's been a few hours, as I can hear her swallowing. But what else do you do when your newborn baby is crying and rooting?
Today we had a nice visit from Sara & Saul (2 months old), then Tonya and her kids, and Kristi (who delivered us a yummy chicken casserole that we had for dinner -- thank you!), AND we talked to Bonne Maman on the phone. Whew! Katrina slept through all of it. A busy day.
Still, I think the visit she liked the most was the one with her older brother.
Gabriel was very cooperative about washing his hands and then sitting quietly while I got Katrina on his lap, where she was very content, and actually awake for once, for about 10 minutes.
After I took her back, he said he'd wait there in case she wanted to sit with him again. Awww!
Mom always said she loved fat baby legs. Not here! Katrina's legs are skinny, skinny, skinny.
We're bracing ourselves for a long night.
10/8/06
Ugh...not a good night. Baby awake and unhappy ALL NIGHT LONG. Nothing I did worked, and I got desperate enough to try putting her in the car and driving, and even giving her formula (which she didn't take, and I'm glad, I was completely irrational and incoherent by then).
Finally around 5:40am she settled enough that I could rest my head, and at 7am I was able to lie down....until 1pm this afternoon! So much for waking up babies to nurse, I was way way too tired. Still am. I'm the stereotypical new mom: unshowered, in PJs, hair a mess...but I'm not a new mom!
I did have a few minutes for photos. Here she is finally sleeping on our bed this morning (a brief moment of awakeness then zonk), then in the carseat in the afternoon. Actually, she's been sleeping all day and is impossible to wake up. But I'm going to try again in a moment.
Reminder to self: Julian did the same thing, I got no sleep for his first 3 nights. Ironically, the only cooperative newborn we had was Gabriel.
Peggy's here entertaining the boys and will help us with dinner.
I also think I'm getting thrush, so not what I need when I'm trying to calm a relentlessly squeaky newborn.
The boys absolutely love seeing and touching her. She doesn't reciprocate the sentiment yet.
10/7/06
Introducing Katrina Ruth Doudna, born Thursday Oct. 5th at 5:55am at Community Hospital of Los Gatos!
Her brothers were very happy to meet her, talking joyfully about "baby sister" and both remembered her name. Gabriel got pretty mad when we wouldn't let him hold her and demanded to know why!
It would have made perfect sense for me to stay in the hospital one more day, since the soreness from the postpartum surgery makes it very hard to get around and lift things, let alone take care of little boys and baby. In fact, if Peggy hadn't been available, I would have stayed another night.Ironically, we originally chose this Los Gatos hospital because of its relaxed "rooming-in" policies, but I ended up making liberal use of the nursery this time. I sent Dave home, and slept as much as possible the night Katrina was born, with the nursery nurses attending to her every whim instead of me. There was one constant disturbance though: a baby crying! The nerve! The walls are thin, and I was privvy to all the activity of the family next door, which included a whole lot of newborn crying. That, of all sounds, is one I can't tune out, even when I know it's not mine. The combination of noise and basic boredom made me want to finish recovering at home, where there's only noise.Katrina has already introduced us to some common baby follies we escaped with the first two. Such as: gas. You can hear her little tummy rumbling about, and burping her actually produces burps (though not enough). Her nursing is mostly inefficient nibbling, and her brief alert periods are spent crying. That includes a high-pitched squeak which I think might be pain from gas, but I can't say yet.The few times she's really opened her eyes and looked at things, she takes on a look of horror, especially when looking at my face (quite understandable right now!). Her furrowed, focused brow is exactly like that of her older older brother, and her newborn face shape and dark grayish eyes are also reminiscent of Gabriel. Let's hope she doesn't take after him in other ways -- one is enough!SO many people have sent us well wishes and congratulations, which are so appreciated! It will take me days, if not weeks, to respond to all (and you know me, I want to!), but in the meantime it's heartwarming to receive so many genuine expressions of joy on our behalf. You all know this has been a hard road for us, and we are so, so glad to be moving on the next stage, and so grateful that the next stage is being ushered in among so much support from good friends and family.10/6/06
short, intense, erratic but start every 2-5 minbreathing heavily to break it upwant the epidural NOWKevin's on his waythis could be itwait, a moment of peace.....now I just want to go to sleep.if so it'd be one heck of a false alarmnope it's back OWWWWW
This blog looks different now. I changed the template to one with longer lines. Any trouble viewing, let me know.
I look different now too. I got a hair trim today, breaking my usual once-a-year trend. Shorter is a little easier to deal with swimming, though that "should" only matter for a few more days. Really, my grand visions of myself with a slim, lithe body and looking stylish and confident includes shorter hair. Besides, I always get compliments from the haircutters and I could use the ego boost right now. Of course, it's in their best interests to gush over any customer, I'm no fool. But they always correctly observe that my hair never undergoes any treatments. It's apparently quite rare to run across a 43-year-old woman who's never permed or colored her hair, and doesn't use any products or appliances, even at a place that serves almost entirely men and charges only $8 per haircut. Inexpensive shampoo and conditioner, air dry, ponytail, a 15-minute cheap cut every year or so, that's it. For now. When the grays really take over, vanity will trump sloth.
The various encouraging signs I had been getting of impending baby have all seem to have faded. I was getting hopeful it'd be soon, but that this point, I have a bad feeling baby is going to hang in there until due date. Wah.
10/4/06
Doctor's appointment today...all normal. At next week's appointment, if there is one, I'll undergo a sonogram and nonstress test to make sure we don't have an amniotic fluid volume issue again. My belly is measuring 37cm though, so there's no urgent concern as there was when I was at this stage with Gabriel. Next week's appointment is on my due date -- at that point, Baby# will actually be late!I have such wonderful friends. Five of my mom friends have already brought us wonderful meals, and I've been making use of them! Shopping and cooking is really challenging, and completely impossible with round ligament attacks (which I'm sorry to say have resurfaced tonight). My friends are also really good cooks. And so generous. Thanks all!I really don't like this new trend of kids' pants with "adjustable waistbands." They just don't work. The elastic is too flimsy, and they don't adjust well. i just got Julian three brand-new pairs of size 2T jeans from Old Navy, and I'm going to end up giving them away. I have to "adjust" them way, way down, but not only do they still fall off him, but then they don't flex enough for him to pull back up himself! To make matters worse, it looks like all Old Navy kids' jeans have this feature now. I'd much rather have the old-style elasticized waist all around. And if Old Navy jeans, usually fairly slim, don't fit Julian, then it's a hopeless cause for Gabriel, whose proportions are even skinnier. Old Navy does have "slim" sizes for boys, starting in boys' size 5, but I know better than that. Gabriel's butt is still barely a toddler size 3T. Trouble is, most 3T jeans are too short for him.Gabriel had a long playdate this afternoon at Quinton's house. I am so grateful to Lisa! I dropped him off at Quinton's house around 1pm, and Lisa offered to bring him home. I told her to bring him home whenever she needed, and she ended up keeping him for dinner and bringing him home around 7:30pm. Wow! She said they Quinton and Gabriel played a lot together, though she did comment that Gabriel is indeed quite focused on one thing. I asked Gabriel if he had a good time and he said, "Not with Quinton, though!" -- right in front of Lisa! Geez, rude kid. Gabriel claimed he didn't like that Quinton likes to wrestle, though Gabriel wrestles all the time with Julian so I don't entirely believe that. And much of their playdate was spent playing togethe with toys (like Legos and a gear toy). I need to do more playdates, including here at home, so that Gabriel gets more one-on-one interaction. Certainly I owe Lisa a playdate!It so happened that today, Julian sang and putzed around upstairs instead of napping, so not having Gabriel around until bathtime was perfect timing. Dave went to Tuesday Dinner tonight, so it was just me and Julian for dinner. I almost got a feel for what it'd be like just have one child -- so different! Indeed, the moment Gabriel got home, both boys got way rowdy and I was back to bark-instructions mode to get them through the bedtime process (which, incredibly, I succeeded in completing by 8:00). But then when they're calm and I read them a book, it's so sweet to have them on either side of me. And they were happy to see each other.Stacey commented in email today that she's forgotten what it's like to have just one kid. That hit me -- soon, we'll forget what it's like to have just two. It seems SO far away, but at the same time, it's not soon enough!!10/3/06
What a rare treat! I actually slept great last night. That's what a miserable pregnancy does: so many bad things have happened to me that things like poor sleep become secondary issues -- but they wouldn't be if that's all there was. Last night, I wasn't restless, I got right back to sleep if I woke up, and was actually relaxed all night. What a difference that made getting up this morning.
I should list the things that haven't bothered me in this pregnancy:
No sacro-iliac dysfunction, pain or problems
No sinus congestion
No nausea or vomiting (severe gastric issues, but not these)
No swelling
No serious problems (gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, incompetent cervix, premature labor, anemia, preeclampsia, bleeding, need for bedrest, etc)
In fact, for a while there, I was told all the time how "cute" I was pregnant (nothing's "cute" at this stage though). I never heard that with the first two. But I was hearing it every day, along with the comment that I'm "all baby." It's true that I'm carrying much differently this time, with my belly sticking straight out, and not many changes to speak of elsewhere. The rest of me has slimmed out quite a bit, actually. I'm down to a net weight gain of 18 pounds from my first pregnancy weigh-in at 5 weeks (though I started out heavy for me), putting me at the same weight I was at with my first pregnancy at this stage. Tomorrow I'm 39 weeks along, and I'll get weighed again. Something tells me my recently renewed Starbucks habit will manifest itself!
Dave and I both think we made a mistake with the color of our new closet doors and the surrounding trim. Photo: on the right is the current color: white with white MDF trim. What we think we should have done is paint the doors the wall color, with the wood-stain trim (poorly mocked up on the left with my meager Photoshop non-skills). Just what we need at the tail end of a remodel, and a baby due any day: changes.Mom asked me today about how I felt about a boy or a girl, and if I felt any advantages to a girl (of course). But though it's not rational, and certainly not relevant, it's just easier to imagine having a boy again, because boys are my day-to-day reality. A girl seems like just a theory right now, as any baby does before they're actually here, a brand-new twist to life that's impossible to truly envision until it's tangible. Boys, on the other hand, are a constant, completely present and real to me in the most mundane and immediate ways. Neither Dave or I have any strong feelings one way or another about the sex of the baby, but it's far easier for both of us to picture another boy, naturally, because our lives are all about little boys right now. And that could get flipped on its ear at any time now!I realized today swimming (which is when I get my best thinking done, as my mind is liberated from my body) that this pregnancy has physically isolated me. I can't hug anyone, not well. I'm constantly assuming a defensive position if anyone gets close to me, prepared to ward off any contact that will create pain or pressure. At night, if Dave snuggles up to me, or even so much as rests his hand on my shoulder, most of the time I push him away, unable to handle any more sensory input. If the boys need a hug, I brace myself, wince, reposition them so they don't push on me, and end the contact as quickly as I can. How awful! Of course, when the baby's here, I'll be in physical contact with another body all the time -- famine, then feast. But at least then I'll be able to really hug my family again.10/2/06
Last night I woke up around 4:30am, feeling a distinct cramp. I was very restless, couldn't get comfortable, was alternately too hot or too cold, and every time I started to drift off, I'd feel another cramp. They were all accompanied by the nasty hard-lump feeling of a Braxton-Hicks contraction, so I wasn't convinced labor was starting...or was it? Could it be?
Unfortunately, no. I finally drifted off to sleep around 6am, was awaken twice more by the crampy sensation, and then it all went away. I did feel yet more pressure in the pelvic area today, and am increasingly uncomfortable walking and standing, if that's even possible. Well, minus the round ligament pain -- that trumps all discomforts and pains in walking or standing. But none of that since Monday, I think -- thank goodness!
I took the boys to Erin's birthday party today, a sweet affair in which Kristi hired a mobile petting zoo. They set up a fenced area with rabbits, pigs, and goats; and have a pony to ride too. The boys were mildly interested in this, but quickly got distracted by the fun play areas, including a slide setup and a playhouse.
It was interesting watching Gabriel interact with the other boys -- well, mostly boys, plus Gina, as usual. I was chatting with Benny (Lisa's husband, and father of Quinton), when I saw Gabriel push and knock over Quinton. I've never seen him knock over another kid. Benny said that Quinton had pushed Gabriel too, so we went over to scold them for pushing and make them apologize. Quinton said that Gabriel said he wasn't going to be his friend, something Gabriel says often. I told Gabriel that sort of thing isn't nice to say, and Benny told Quinton that while that's not nice, he can't push. Both boys apologized.But we both knew it all fell on deaf ears, and it wasn't long before conflict over a ball turned into a multi-kid pileup. I was told later that Gina and Gabriel had teamed up together, and were either taking the ball or defending it from another team. All normal play, though we have to instruct our kids not to hit or push, intervene when it gets out of control (after the pileup, Lisa confiscated the balls, to everyone's relief), and otherwise just let it happen. For the most part, they all played pretty well together. As is so often the case, the running and ball competition was all boys, plus Gina -- who's also the tallest and heaviest of the group. I've never seen the sweet birthday girl, Erin, in such a fray!Gina was so sweet and kissed Gabriel good-bye, then he ran back to give her a hug, then Julian had to also...though both Betsy and I were anxious to sit down in our cars (she's pregnant too after all), we were glad to see this little lovefest.I'm actually starting to lose confidence that I'm ever going to have a pain-free day again. Will I ever get used to this heaving, lumbering body?! I'd better, 'cause I'm starting to think it's going to be like this forever!10/1/06
This morning started at 5:30am when Gabriel appeared in our room, crying hard about his "cheek" hurting. Yesterday morning, he'd complained about his ear, then again in the early afternoon, and again in the evening, crying hard for about half an hour. I think I've seen Gabriel cry that long, other than in anger, maybe three times in his life.
So Dave called the pediatrician during Gabriel's gymnastics class this morning, and by then, Gabriel wasn't complaining about it. We thought maybe the pain was due to a permanent molar is coming in (according to the dentist 2 weeks ago). The advice nurse said to watch it, give him Motrin (we had been), and bring him in Monday if need be.
Meanwhile, I went for a swim, came home and took a nap. I heard everyone getting back home, heard a little crying, then it was quiet again. A few minutes after I got up, Dave returned with the boys and a bag from Rite-Aid. Turned out, while I was napping, Gabriel complained again about his ear, Dave called the pediatrician again and zoomed him there for the last appointment of the morning, at noon. Diagnosis: ear infection. Prescription: antibiotics.
(Recently Dave read that the newest approach to ear infections is to see if they clear on their own in 24-48 hours, rather than instantly prescribing antibiotics. But when your very non-complainer kid cries miserably for half an hour one night, then shows up at your bedside at 5:30am crying in pain, it's pretty hard to follow that.)
When Dave got home with the boys, he took care of giving Gabriel his medicine, extracting a tiny pebble from Julian's palm, assorted butt-wiping, doling out milk...all allowing me to come out of a groggy state and sit and have some lunch in peace. Finally, at 2pm, sufficiently rested and fed, I took over, giving the boys a late lunch and getting Julian down for a nap without incident (Gabriel had already curled up on the couch under a blanket voluntarily).I was so, so grateful to Dave for whisking Gabriel off to the pediatrician and then to the pharmacy, and without consulting me. Not that I'd have minded being consulted of course, but there really was no need, and I really, really needed the rest -- he saw what needed to be done and did it. That's exactly what I need in my compromised state! I was so happy to wake up and find that Gabriel had really been taken care of. Modern times notwithstanding, as the Mom, I'm always the one directing domestic traffic, and perhaps all moms think in the back of their heads that no one can do a better job than they can. But days like today greatly increase our confidence in dads, even though on the surface it might not seem like that big a deal. It really was. Especially now, it's so wonderful to have a day that really shows that I count on Dave.
In the afternoon, everyone napped (I rested again, with reluctance, but my lower back demanded it), then we got ready to go to a housewarming party at Kevin and Angela's. This was a lot of fun: there were so many kids there that the boys were endlessly entertained. Gabriel spent a lot of time staring at an oven that had both an electronic and mechanical digital clock, making sure they were synchronized. Julian at one point had no fewer than six little girls surrounding him playing soccer with him (the youngest girl being about 6). Julian was quite the charmer this evening, being very social and very cute, and at one point planting himself in a small family room where grownups had set up music equipment and were playing and singing. He really, really likes music.I had a great time catching up with our longtime moto-friends at this party; it may be my last social event pregnant. I hope!The Braxton-Hicks contractions are getting more frequent and more intense, often pushing down on me in such a way that gives me a crampy, and actually borderline painful, feeling. But crampy feelings that are accompanied by the irritating pressure of a B-H contraction are meaningless. It's the other occasional crampy sensations that get my hopes up. But, so far, nothing. At least we know one thing: the baby will be born in October 2006, since as I type, September has only two hours left.9/30/06
I had a lot of weird cramping and pressure last night. Each pang brought on a fresh wave of hope that this would be IT! But, it all went away. From experience with Julian's birth, odd feelings like that will gradually escalate if it's really leading to labor. I get more odd feelings now, but they're not close to converging into actual contractions.It all seems so far away, yet I know that it's a very, very real and huge thing that's going to happen in the next few (well, 12 or so) days.
A 4th day with no round ligament attacks. Incredible! I remember from my motorcycling days that on particularly arduous stretches that I'd ask myself: "if I could remove one discomfort, which would it be?" (headache, butt hurts, freezing fingers, etc.) Somehow that helped me focus on one thing, rather than several. Well, if a wish-fairy had presented itself last week and I'd have been able to pick one thing to get rid of, no question it'd have been the nasty leg zaps. I'd have gotten my main wish -- not a hallmark of this pregnancy so far!
Yesterday I had Julian all day, and Gabriel for the afternoon. Thankfully, I got a good snooze during Julian's nap, partly thanks to Gabriel falling asleep on his vaunted Teddy Bear. Today, I had help from Sarah, a wonderful sitter that Tonya recommended. Tonya was closed today, so we needed childcare coverage Just In Case, but I'm also never sure how every day will shape up, and handling the boys all day myself can be very risky (though I was basically OK yesterday).Still, I'm so glad Sarah was here, I was able to swim (yay), grocery-shop (barely), and rest (essential). Best of all, the boys had a fun entertaining day, something I can't really give them right now (sniff). Sarah also got to know the boys and our household, just in case we need to call on her this weekend. Peggy is also available, and Stacey is our fallback, until Tonya is back in action on Monday.So while we don't exactly have a coherent Plan for the weekend, we have coverage. Besides, "plans" have a way of forming themselves when it comes to the unknowns of childbirth.Only one more day left of September -- then October won't sound so far away!9/29/06
Aww, isn't this adorable. Kyan (3rd from left) turns 2 on Sep.30th, and his very-together mom brought things for a little birthday party for him at Tonya's. I knew Tonya had critical mass of kids around the same age (all born within 6 months of each other), but didn't realize they are all boys.Left to right: Lance, Julian, Raj, Reese, Kyan, Zahaan, and Rohan.(Zahaan is at Tonya's because of a 15-minute conversation I struck up with his very nice and friendly mother at Portal Park one day -- I recommended Tonya and Zahaan has been there for months now! He's exactly one month older than Julian, and Lance is 7 days younger. Kyan is the youngest.)No sign of Baby#3 yet, but things are changing. One huge change for the better is the recession of the painful round ligament attacks. That makes a huge difference in my mood and in my day. Still, my walking is very impaired and I live with intense, constant, and daily-increasing downward pressure, and on my organs. Every new little feeling I have raises my hopes that this is finally IT, but Dr. Teagle said on Tuesday that if she had to guess (and she did have to since I insisted!) it'd still be another week. C'mon baby, you're baked, it's time. 12 more days until Due Date!Thursday 9/28/06
(I've got to learn just to post little notes -- it doesn't have to be a comprehensive tome! And doesn't absolutely have to have photos, though I always like entries better that way.)
I'm now 38 weeks along, and very, very ready to have baby#3. Incredibly, the last 2 days, things have actually improved somewhat, with no major round ligament pain to speak of. I can't believe what a difference this makes to my day and to my overall outlook. I'm still very limited in what walking and maneuvering I can do, but I'm not limping now and not at risk of a brutal stab when I stand up. I am so much happier throughout the day without that!
The boys have been really good lately, especially together. In the mornings, they've been playing together before Dave and I get up, and five minutes can actually elapse before anyone cries! Sometimes, even 45 minutes! It used to be that the moment they were in the same room, (usually) Julian was crying. Both boys have made some real maturity leaps lately, both in mannerisms, use of language, and reactions to things. I haven't even had to send Gabriel to his room in at least a week!
Remodeling is still dragging along, down to little details in our bedroom, and larger ones in the other two bedrooms. A lot of work has been done on little closets in the boys' room and the babys' room, and soon they will just be awaiting doors, which I've ordered. I'm very ready to be done with having contractors here and our upstairs being living space again, instead of a construction zone.Here's Julian showing off his little crown-hat he "made" in Tonya's preschool. I've had to make use of a lot of childcare lately, and will continue to through October. But come November, I'll scale back to just a preschool schedule, since in theory, I'll have my body back. I am so SO looking forward to that!- mommieN.9/27/06
Last night was better. Katrina was still awake for much of it, but in the first part of the night we got some sleep.
