2/4/07 Lazy Day

I had grand ambitions to make great progress on moving back in upstairs, which gave way to overwhelming sleepiness and laziness today. I'm fearful to admit it, but I almost feel like I'm fighting off some new illness. AGAIN?! I just couldn't get any energy going today.

Not for lack of trying. I did motivate everyone to go out on wheels this warm and inviting afternoon, though even that had its troubles.

Gabriel almost ran into a man and his dog on his bike, then refused to apologize right away. And I was shakier and less confident on rollerblades than I have been in along time, despite my advances in ice skating. It's possible that I'm getting comfortable enough on ice skates that the differences with rollerblades are intimidating now. Wah! But, practice will fix that.

Dave was a great Dad today, and spent a lot of time with the boys, especially Gabriel. Gabriel got a Lego toy for his birthday that required some assembly and following instructions, as well as some fine motor skills beyond him at 5 years old, and Dave spent hours sitting with him and helping him, despite having lots of other things he'd wanted to do today. Plus the time outside bicycling and playing ball with the boys.

Meantime, I was a dud Mom, just looking for ways to nap all day, even though last night wasn't as awful as previous nights have been. Still, 4-5 hours contiguous hours of sleep are not in my cards for a long time. Katrina woke up only once for real, around 4am, when I nursed her, and she went right back to sleep. Aside from that, she had 2-3 hour stretches without stirring. I still want to know where these babies that sleep 12 hours at 4 months old come from.

It was Thomas night, though once again, the boys missed part of their show. To deal with interminable putzing, I tell them that Thomas starts at a particular time -- whether or not they're done cleaning up. I started the show at 8pm, with the TV cabinet doors closed, and it hummed along while they finally finished cleaning up. They missed the first third of it, but were pretty agreeable about that.

Katrina had a rare chance to lie on the ground, and she loved it! She is also very attracted to screens.

Tomorrow is a big day: I'll go register Gabriel for kindergarten!! Looks like he's coming with me, since he had enough of a temperature tonight to keep him out of pre-K tomorrow.

2/4/07

2/3/07 Party Day

Ugh. What an awful night. Night? What am I saying? Is it a night if you're up several times an hour, every hour? I was so, so frustrated this morning. What was the point of trying to go back to sleep when I knew I'd be woken up yet again? It's easier to stay awake. But that's hard too.

Fortunately, Uncle Ronan accompanied Dave and the boys to Bobbi's this morning, which meant they had room for one more: Katrina. So I got a good baby-free nap this morning. Still, an hour and a half nap isn't nearly enough. I can't even remember what a good night's sleep means. Or even a bad night's sleep. I got up just in time to get to Gabriel's gymnastics class, once again missing him in action by seconds.


But I did join everyone for some outdoor play afterward. I even got a rare good photo of Dave and Katrina.

Ronan appreciated the clean and cheerful playgrounds, and the springlike scent in the air. Funny, I don't notice how it smells outdoors anymore, unless I go back East. I guess it's what you're used to.

Katrina and her hands....and tongue. It's getting a lot easier to get tongue-sticking-out pictures. In fact, when Gabriel was a baby, it became impossible to get pictures of him without his tongue sticking out! Julian really never did that. Yet another way that Katrina takes after her older older brother.

Not easy to pose these people, but I sort of managed.

Back home, we did a mini-family party for Gabriel, with a train cake I had a very hard time decorating (sans frosting this time). Then we opened all his presents -- this kid was showered! What generous and thoughtful friends and family! This helped shake off the creepy feeling I still have when I think about Chuck E Cheese.


Later, Katrina and I joined Uncle Ronan for a walk outside, and Ronan spent a little time making faces at -- and with -- his smiley little Spock-eared niece.


I took Ronan to the airport tonight, and as I type, he's getting on a JetBlue flight back to New York. I'm torn between being so happy he was here, and so sad we can't see him all the time. The boys loved him, and were so relaxed and natural with him, just the way it should be with family.

Though it's natural to use your own childhood as a model for how you raise -- or not -- your own kids, one big difference from my childhood for my kids is contact with extended family. Separate coasts notwithstanding, these kids will grow up really knowing their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I'm already scheming about the next visit!

2/3/07

2/2/07 Katrina's stats

4-month appointment today. Katrina is:

13 lbs (50th %ile), 24-1/2" (50th %ile)

For comparison, Gabriel and Julian at 4 months were:

Gabriel: 13 lbs 4 oz (25th %ile); 25" (25th %ile)

Julian: 16 lbs 2 oz; 25-1/4", no percentile recorded.

So she's actually smaller than the boys were at this age, but is a little bigger than Gabriel percentagewise, and smaller than Julian percentagewise (I believe; I'm pretty sure Julian was at least 50th %ile at 4 months). It's a safe bet that Julian will end up being the largest of the three.

Katrina's eyes are the most like Uncle Ronan's of all family members: gray-blue.

Uncle Ronan set up the Lionel trains today for the boys. A BIG hit! But the boys, especially Gabriel, could use a refresher course in sharing. Then again, asking Gabriel to share a new train is highly advanced. I finally had to kick him off the rug in the family room altogether for Julian to get a turn.

















It's so nice having Uncle Ronan here. I wish he lived closer!!















Katrina has a very cute new habit of sticking her tongue out a lot. This picture isn't really a good example, but it's cute anyway.

2/2/07

2/1/07 Back from Tucson

Katrina and I returned from Tucson yesterday, after an overall successful trip. The plane flights weren't too torturous, though they were a fair amount of work for me keeping baby happy at times. At one point, I lifted Katrina up so she could see all the people behind us on the plane, and I heard various giggles from grandparent-types around the plane as she looked around and surveyed her subjects. I learned something about Katrina: she's a bit of a ham! In airports, she turned on all her smiley charm and delighted everyone who looked at her.

Our main purpose was to visit Grandpa Jim of course, and this was accomplished. I wish I'd gotten more pictures, but there never seemed to be a good time or place! Once again, Katrina came through with being an adorable, outgoing, friendly, smiley and irresistable baby for the one grandparent-type that really was her grandparent. Dad and Ma'at both adored her, and how could they help it?

The day we left, we had Gabriel's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese first. I went into this with misgivings, and came out of it swearing never, ever to do anything there again. I hated it! Noisy and crowded and completely impersonal....and they didn't even have anything ready for his party when we arrived. The worst part was that there was so much blaring noise and video stuff going on that the kids really didn't interact with each other. What's the point then? I feel guilty about all the moms and dads who made the effort to attend this calamity. Next year: a small party with a few friends that Gabriel picks -- at home.

This weekend, we'll make up for it. Uncle Ronan arrives tonight, and we'll do another little family party this weekend when Gabriel opens the piles and piles of gifts he's received. I'll make a train cake, and we'll all be together -- that's what really counts.

Gabriel got a hand-knit sweater from Bonne Maman! I love the colors and the little engine design she put on it. And it'll fit him for a few years to come. Thank you Bonne Maman!

2/1/07

1/27/07 Night Trouble

A very, very bad night. Katrina was restless and up time and again, so many times I lost track. I kept giving her the pacifier, but she'd often lose it, or spit it out, minutes after. At 5:30am, after the umpteenth time of putting the pacifier back, I turned on the light to look at her, to be greeted by bright little eyes and a big grin. Great. Then she wouldn't nurse, just looking up at me and smiling. But I wasn't smiling back, I was dog-tired after constant sleep interruption. And she was up.

I carried her out to the family room, intensely frustrated and fearful. I just can't go through what I did with Gabriel that first year again, I just can't. I was up so, so many times during the night with Gabriel, and really up, like pacing him around downstairs, for hours, sometimes multiple times in one night. Those are practically traumatic memories, and I can't bear facing more months of that again.

I didn't want her waking the rest of the house up, so I tried to keep her from crying, but she'd get too wiggly. I wasn't about to pace her around, so I actually took her out for a drive. Not with the intention of putting her to sleep, but rather just keeping her out of the house for a while before everyone else was up.

Then I took her upstairs and did some laundry folding until she got fussy, then nursed her. Futile, she still wasn't hungry and only nibbled me uncomfortably. I didn't have all her usual accoutrements -- including the pacifier -- so swaddled her in a towel. (All our linens are in a big unfolded heap on our bed, as I had to wash everything in the linen closet to eradicate the ubiquitous construction dust.) I lay down next to her and shh'd her and rubbed her belly. She kept making noise and darting her eyes around the room, but to my amazement, she eventually calmed down enough that she drifted off and fell asleep. Wow, I actually got her to sleep another way!

But the night had taken its toll on her too. Later in the morning, after the boys were gone with Dave to Gabriel's gymnastics, she gave me the longest stretch of sleep yet, about 3 hours, during which I was unconscious too. I was so, so tired, especially since I'm still coming off that illness. But I don't want to sleep until noon. I want to sleep during the night, and be up during the day. I'm funny that way.

I didn't go anywhere today, and barely even got dressed. Dave went to work this afternoon, and I zombied through motions of giving the boys lunch and putting Julian in for a nap. It was a quiet afternoon, and I gave the boys an early dinner. Katrina cooperated the rest of the day, being very cute and making all sorts of funny new sounds, and went to bed with no problem.

I don't get it. Neither the attachment-parenting nor Babywise methods have worked as advertised. Why do I have babies who only go backward in wakeups, starting around this age? I dread the night now, and dread being tired all day tomorrow too. And I can't be. Tomorrow is Gabriel's birthday party, and then I have to finish packing for Tucson.

Yes, this will pass, but looking ahead, it's a long, long road.

1/27/07

1/26/07 A Day of Rest

Today I made of point of sleeping as much as possible during Katrina's fairly reliable morning nap. I won't feel like this whole fever thing is behind me until I go back to exercising again, but I should be able to tomorrow.

Now that I can look back on my fever episode, it's almost a traumatic memory. I was really, really sick, and suffered so many hours of a brutal fever without being able to lie down and rest. I spent the better part of a week in a fog, doing the very bare minimum needed to keep the household running and the family sustained.

And oddly, no one else got sick. In fact, despite all the pawing and in-your-face attention Katrina gets from her preschool-attending brothers, she's never been sick either, other than a stuffy nose for a few days.

This morning, I told Gabriel I was going to pick him up from pre-K, and he smiled at me, gave me a thumbs-up, and said, "Great, Mom." He's acting like such a real KID now!

I asked Tonya to keep Julian today, once again, because -- great news -- the electrician was here today and he couldn't nap upstairs. This really marks one of the very last steps. Yay! In fact, we could move in this weekend if not for my upcoming trip to Tucson, and Gabriel's birthday party on Sunday.

Katrina spent a lot of time today in the family room bouncer, with me and Gabriel. I put a bib on her today, hating how it looks, and how it gets in her face all the time. At the end of the day, her shirt was still soaked, but at least it was the same one.

If I find the time tomorrow, maybe I can go back to the Y....!

1/26/07

1/25/07 Normal day?

97.8 this morning, and it held all day. I was almost nervous about checking my temperature, dreading the triple digits.

Music class was much better; teacher Danny had memorized the songs and was much more engaging. Still trouble with managing the time, but he seems responsive to suggestion, which I'll give him next time if he runs late again. Julian had a great time in class today, and sang the new songs in the car all the way home. I haven't played the Drum CD for him once yet. That's the trouble with being sick for a week, stuff like that falls through the cracks.

Kids Inc kept Gabriel all day, and I had Julian and Katrina all day. Katrina wasn't great today, lots of crying for reasons she wouldn't reveal to me.

I'm also getting worried about nighttime sleep -- after a great start, she's gone way backward and now sleeps for shorter stretches than she ever has. The Babywise book says a 3-month-old would now be sleeping 10-12 hours a night, having fallen into that naturally after dropping nighttime feedings. All she's done is added nighttime crying times. I usually get her back to sleep with the pacifier, but that's starting not to work, and is definitely starting a pacifier dependency that could be more of a curse than a blessing.

In some ways, it's a relief that she doesn't respond to being bounced around and rocked, or I could fall into doing that at 3am again, for months...oh please no. People say those nighttime moments end up being warm memories of you alone with your baby? How's this warm memory for you: I got up, got dressed into war clothes (sweatpants, sweatshirt, warm socks), tucked a small pillow under the sweatshirt to protect my chest, put earplugs in, and then alternately sat, stood, bounced, jumped, and swung a screaming Gabriel starting at around 1am. That's not what I call a good memory of being alone with my baby in the middle of the night.

Incredibly, Julian's nap and Katrina's only stretch of nap today coincided perfectly, allowing me to rest for a while. I even had time for breakfast afterward (at 3pm!) without being disturbed.

I spent some time upstairs with the two younger kids after Julian's nap, only got two crummy photos. Katrina had been wearing an adorable yellow corduroy blouse, but it got too wet from all the drool and spitup. This funky onesie from Spain was one of 4 she went through today. I hate bibs on babies, but this "fountain of youth" might well need it.

Julian LOVES smiling at Katrina.


This all gave me strength for skating tonight, which I wasn't going to miss even if I had to do it from a wheelchair. The rest and food didn't give me as much strength as I thought, as I got tired quickly, but I got into some good rhythms in practice after the lesson and felt OK about my unsteady back crossovers.

Under the worst possible photographic conditions, taken by, I'm sorry to say, the worst possible photographer, a photo still managed to get taken of my back crossover attempts. I wonder how they'll feel when my skates are broken in enough that I can lace them all the way? Right now, the ankles are completely unlaced.



Better yet, a video. Dave managed to catch one of my better moments without the helicopter arms. Still pretty darned shaky though!


Now I just have to gather myself for Gabriel's party on Sunday, and start preparing for mine and Katrina's trip to Tucson, also on Sunday.

Happy 5th Birthday Cousin Aidan!!

1/25/07

1/24/07 The Conspiracy

99.7 this morning.

Today was another rare day Tonya took Katrina this morning, so I could go to Urgent Care for this persistent fever. We had cleaners coming, but that was OK: they'd be close to done when I'd get home, and then I'd get a precious baby-free REST until Katrina-pickup at 12:30.

That plan was complicated by our contractors coming this morning to whittle down the punchlist. Not a morning I really had time to mark out bathroom accessories, but I tried to swallow my aggravation. After all, when will they ever come back?

I went to Urgent Care and was seen pretty quickly. The doctor didn't find anything obviously wrong; a little nose and throat redness, but lungs and glands are clear. He said long fevers aren't usually viral and prescribed me an antibiotic.

Looking very forward to a solid hours' nap, I got home to discover that the cleaner was nowhere near done downstairs. Usually, it's a crew of two, but today it was just one lady, and she had at least an hours' worth of work to do downstairs. Usually then I'd nap upstairs, but the carpenters were here today! I was livid at this fate. Of ALL DAYS!

I ended up parking my car around the corner and trying to catch a few winks crumpled up in the driver's seat, furious at this awful confluence of circumstance hat tied up our upstairs and downstairs simultaneously.

When I picked up Katrina, she was all giggles and smiles, having had a great time at Tonya's. But she was clearly tired, and went down for a nice nap around 1pm, no complaining. But I still couldn't rest, because I was expecting our heating company to come check out why the kids' rooms are so cold and our room so hot upstairs. It was a 2-hour appointment window that wound up precisely coinciding with Katrina's nap. Again, no rest for me. My frustration was explosive. It was no one individuals' fault, but I was in desperate, desperate need to lie down and huddle under covers.

To make matters worse, the worst fever I've had yet started building this afternoon. I became so chilled and achy that all I could do this afternoon was sit around on the bed with baby. By evening, I was up over 103 and could barely move.

Dave took the boys out for dinner, and I tried to lie down for the tail end of another Katrina nap, which of course ended a few minutes later. Nursing her was excruciating because it meant peeling off layers, and I was really really chilled.

I was starting to get fearful, remembering articles I've read about people who die suddenly from mysterious bacterial infections. I've had temperatures before, but never any that lasted more than a few hours. For a long time there, I went years and years without a fever. They're more livable than I'd thought, as they're cyclical, and I'm almost getting used to a semi-feverish state of under 101 or so (and my normal temp is below 98 to start with). When a new one is building with chills, it's very hard to function. The down cycle of sweating is a lot easier to live with.

Finally this evening, this last temp broke and turned into a cold sweat, giving me enough energy just to type into this blog. Everything else has to wait: email, checking out the upstairs...even really enjoying my kids. I tried today to sit and talk with Gabriel while I warmed up with some tea, but couldn't concentrate and had to resort to a lot of "ohhh, I seeee" sorts of comments.

At least the contractors fixed my tub jets, yay! And the heat guy did balance the heat system upstairs, also a good thing. And, the house, while not clean, is under control. So in the end, I'm glad all the people working here today got done what they did. But couldn't they have arranged it a little less perfectly to prevent me from resting?

Gabriel's tried underpants the last 3 nights, the last two if which, he's been dry!!

I'm down to 100.5 now, a nice break after the misery of this afternoon. At least I distracted myself a little with pictures. And there is nothing like my beautiful baby's smile to cheer me up.





Katrina is starting to make the funniest sounds! And, some really funny facial expressions, sucking her whole lower lip in, for instance. This is so much like what Gabriel did as a baby that it's almost surreal. She has more energy and less focus than he did, but the similarities are still overwhelming. Everyone says they're all different -- let's hope so!

1/24/07

From worse to better

No photos AGAIN today?! Worthless!

Last night was busy busy, getting Katrina's things ready for a morning at Tonya's, so that Dave and I could meet with our estate lawyer. Since Katrina didn't give me a moment yesterday to pump, I tested formula on her last night. Nothing doing. So amidst all the other preparations last night, I managed to pump, but not enough for a whole morning. I hate pumping, and it hates me too. I set up the pump so that I could sneak in first thing in the morning and pump before Katrina woke up.

Going to bed was more of the same: shivering and difficulty falling asleep with a temp hovering around 102. But that wasn't the worst of it: every time I started to fall asleep, I was woken with coughing. (After all, what would a Noemi illness be if it doesn't include a serious cough?)

After 3 hours, I finally took my strong, strong cough medicine, which knocked my cough -- and me -- flat and let me sleep. At 6am I woke up, baby was asleep, perfect opportunity to pump the rest needed for the morning. I felt absolutely awful and freezing and tired in indescribable ways, dragging out of bed for the decidedly unpleasant procedure. The things we do for our babies!

Sitting pumping, I was hit with a wave in my head, fought it, then next thing I knew, I was on the floor with a bloody nose. The next thing I knew after that was Dave trying to rouse me from a back-lying position. I must have turned the pump off and repositioned myself after passing out, pitching forward, and face-planting on the cushy rug. I was too weak to stand up or really use my arms, but I managed to sort of crawl back to bed while Dave took care of the boys.

On top of it, Dave got a phone call from his Aunt Helen that Dave's father is in the hospital, and has been for 5 days! Dave called Laura and told her too, further adding to our morning complications.

At 8am, Katrina was still asleep, and I had juuuust enough time to try pumping again before we had to leave at 9 to make our appointment. This time I was dead-tired, but not about to pass out.

Despite this, we made it to our lawyer appointment, and it was very productive. It actually felt good to be concentrating and thinking and holding a conversation without always having an ear tuned for baby.

And I still had a 101 temperature.

When we got home, I had a rare opportunity to really, really sleep, until Dave returned with Katrina and Gabriel around 1pm. A nice solid hour and a half of sleep made such a big difference, I haven't had that in days.

And when Dave brought my baby home this afternoon...my goodness! Was she ever in a good mood! I think she loved being at Tonya's with all the kids to watch and all the things to smile at. She was positively beaming, which is exactly what I needed. Then she napped soundly all afternoon, allowing me more rest. Thank heavens. I needed it, since from 5pm on, it was nonstop work taking care of dinner and kids and getting the house ready for the cleaners tomorrow. Figures they'd come on a rare day I won't have any kids here, but I will be so happy to see upstairs start to look like home again.

Through all this, my temp went up over 103, then dipped to 100, but never went away.

Tomorrow, Tonya will take Katrina for the morning, Julian all day, and Gabriel will be at Kids Inc in the morning. This gives me a chance to go to Urgent Care without the dreadful prospect of a long waiting-room wait with a grumpy unsoothable baby. Three days and four nights of temperature is enough.

Last I checked I was at 101. But it was still a good day.

1/23/07

1/22/07 More awful day

I burned with a fever all night, and woke up shivering, but feeling a little better. Still, the thermometer reported a 101 temp. We arranged to have the boys in daycare all day, and I planned to rest every second Katrina slept.

Which amounted to about 45 minutes total, and full of interruptions at that. More of the same from last night: she just would not nap today. A short nap in the morning, but then she was up from 11:30am - 5pm, minus two 10-minute car snoozes (one deliberate out of desperation). I couldn't believe it. That's less than toddlers sleep! Why does she pick the days I'm sick to do this?! I got desperate enough to drive her down and nurse her to sleep, neither of which worked.

By 5pm she finally caved, and thankfully Dave picked the boys up so I could squeeze in a few minutes...only to be interrupted by the demands of dinner and little boys. On top of it, the fever returned in the evening, and it remains as I type (going on 48 hours now). I hate my life -- I just can't take care of myself in even the smallest way, and I can't enjoy my gorgeous little bundle of energy. I managed to squeeze in some phone calls today, but I kept wandering and sounding incoherent, not to mention coughing, and gave up on that.

Tomorrow morning, we're planning for Tonya to take Katrina and Julian for a meeting with a lawyer to finalize our estate plan. We haven't cancelled, but two things stand in the way. One, I'm still sick. Two, Katrina would not take a bottle of formula tonight, which I'd counted on so that I could pump tonight (as finding 20 contiguous minutes to pump today was impossible). Three, we're not really prepared for this meeting. C- for us. But, if Reasons One and Two line up, we're going, Reason Three or not. We'll never do this otherwise.

Gabriel pulled out his Gabriel-ness tonight, refusing to go pee and wash his hands before dinner. He was threatened numerous times with going upstairs straight to bed (that's the rule if they claim they're too tired to sit down to dinner), but continued to refuse, even as I pulled him up the stairs. Of course he wouldn't stay in bed, so I locked him in to make the point -- he didn't realize we could do that again. But then he started throwing things at the door and trashing his room. He got a nice spank for that. Then he'd say he was ready, I'd take him to the batrhoom, and he'd refuse once again. This impasse went on for about half an hour, until he finally, finally gave in and agreed to go pee and wash his hands, and sat down to dinner. Which he ate all of.

This was a clear-cut case of the same old thing of seeking conflict and resisting for the sake of resisting. A rational kid who claims he wants dinner and to be reunited with his Teddy Bear waiting for him in the dining room would have simply done what we asked. Going pee and washing hands is something they have to do every night, it's not like this was some horrible new imposition. It's also the part of the day I hate the most, since it always, always takes work to get them to cooperate. Often I can make it fun and often they'll just do it happily, but much of the time, it's hard to wrench them away from playing (yes I give them advance notice which does no good at all), and then there are the times like tonight that Gabriel takes it on as a project to resist. I really didn't need that from him today.

I'm rambling...it's easier to sit here and type than it is to get ready for tomorrow! But incredibly, Katrina has been asleep for about 20 minutes.

no photos today.

1/22/07

1/21/07 Another wasted Sunday

I woke up this morning around 2am, uncomfortably cold. An extra blanket didn't help, and then I realized: I'm not cold from the outside, I'm chilled from the inside. I was half-awake the rest of the night with a temperature, which persisted all day and evening. My teeth and ears ache, I'm alternately hot and cold, I've had excruciating headaches (not migraines though, a blessing -- it is different)...and it continues even now.

But of course, life goes on. Babies don't understand that Mom is sick. Dave did most little-boy childcare today, taking the boys to Bobbi's for breakfast, putting Julian down for a nap and entertaining them the rest of the day, plus some time walking a fussy Katrina around outside. Still, I can't just stay in bed and feel sorry for myself all day, not when I'm nursing an energetic 3-month-old.

Katrina (and I) really needed to get out, so our one outing was a walk to Starbucks (oh joy). I put her in our regular stroller for the first time -- it is so much better than the snap-n-go! Julian was very cooperative -- his only time today -- and it gave Dave some time off from the two. One or the other boy is fun, but together...ugh. Still.

Gabriel discovered even and odd numbers today, starting from miscounting 9 eyelets on his sneakers. This led to a discussion about the difference between even and odd, and from there he was mostly getting them right when quizzed -- even large numbers in the 1000s. Mostly, he gets really excited about being asked. I'm not sure how he figures it out; he certainly thinks about it, but doesn't seem to know yet about the easy way to tell. The concept is certainly there though.

Katrina is juuust starting to grab things, and tonight, even attempt to put them in her mouth. Mostly, her hand gets hooked on something and then she puts her hand to her mouth, but you can see the wheels turning.

Her wheels turned way, way too much tonight. She hasn't done this in weeks, but she was full of energy and showed no signs of wanting to go to bed tonight -- on a night that I had been waiting for hours to lie down and huddle feverishly under blankets. The time I had mastitis, the same thing happened. It is so frustrating to have to wait for so, so long just to lie down when you're feeling so, so bad! As I type, she is finally asleep, thanks to Dave, and I just took a nice warm bath. But I'm still cold and chilled. This fever hasn't broken all day. This is not a good time. We have numerous appointments and commitments this week, not to mention Gabriel's birthday party and my trip to Tucson on Sunday.

So I'd better quit typing and just get to bed. Apologies to the many people who sent email and I haven't answered.

1/21/07

1/20/07 The stained-glass window

We got our stained-glass window today!

The motivation for a stained-glass window was to obscure a line of sight our neighbors have into our hall, and it turned into "la piece de resistance" in this whole remodeling project. John, the stained-glass artist, explained that the design is inspired by of a series of balloon-confetti designs by Frank Lloyd Wright in the 1910 "Coonley House" in Minnesota.

Since this was a private commission, and a very special thing we'll want to keep, John installed it hanging with hooks, so that we can take it with us when we move, even though it's designed to fit into the stairwell window.

First, the window itself.



Carrying it up the stairs.

Lifting it carefully onto the ladder.

Hanging it in place.

John, the artist, and Theresa, his right-hand gal.

Our window!


It will create all sorts of interesting colored shadows on the hall walls, but still lets a lot of light through to the only truly sunny space in our house.




Tough day today, mostly due to lack of sleep. Dave pooped out on our movie last night, so I watched Les Choristes (let's hear it for Netflix's 2-at-a-time plan!), an excellent movie that had my mind spinning all night. Les Choristes is a movie about troubled young boys at a boarding school, some orphaned, which, combined with Tonya's divorce, and some other awful news (a childhood playmate of mine lost her 20-year-old son to suicide last year), made me edgy and stressed about family, especially on a night that Gabriel and Julian weren't there. Add to that nightmares about hurricanes, it made what little continuous sleep Katrina allowed very fitful.

So, early to bed tonight. I can't wait to see our window in the morning sun tomorrow.

1/20/07

1/19/07 Sleepover night/day

Nice relaxed day, with no kid pickups! Still, I got a lot less done than I'd anticipated. Silly me, I keep forgetting how much time a baby takes. But such delightful time, much of it spent playing face-games, smiling, making silly sounds. I do believe she's starting to chuckle.

I took Katrina to the Y for a good solid workout, the first good thorough one since my back injury. Then Katrina slept much of the afternoon; I caught up on things and made minor headway cleaning up and moving in upstairs. She was in fine form today, smiling broadly when she woke up from naps, making lots of adorable -- and loud! -- sounds.

Everyone who meets her comments how smiley she is, and indeed it seems she likes nothing better than smiling back and forth. A very social, outgoing baby. (Hmm, I have a cute photo of her, but for some reason, Blogspot's already very poor photo-uploading system isn't working at all right now.)

(OK, added it in later)


Good news! Uncle Ronan is coming for a short visit on Feb.1st!

But bad news otherwise...Tonya's moving, which isn't bad by itself, but it's because of a divorce. Solid family life is so important to her (they have 3 daughters, ages 8, 11 and 14), my heart goes out to all the Howards. Tonya's daycare/preschool will continue to operate, and thank goodness for that. She really loves kids, and that will help keep her grounded through a tough time.

Dave and I are about to watch a Netflix movie. Life is returning to normal. Funny that nowadays, normal life includes Netflix.

1/20/07

1/18/07 Music class

hoo, I'm tired. Fun skating class tonight, despite expected pain from my new ice skates. Dave and I went to Olarn Thai Cuisine, which was so-so. This after bailing from a Japanese Tapas place near our house, in a crummy little strip mall, with only a sign that says Karaoke...but it was so packed inside that we didn't wait and ended up at the Thai place. Maybe next time.

Music class this morning....brand new teacher, and he wasbrand new. He needs more training, at the very least: memorizing the songs, keeping class time on track, varying the physical movements and gestures during repeated choruses, not getting distracted by kids running. Music Together is so expensive that I think we're owed higher quality. Even Julian, usually a zombie during class, ended up running around the classroom in a circle, laughing -- during the lullaby!

Good day otherwise, back is healing and I had all 3 kids this afternoon. Though that's always more work and sometimes stress, I also feel more settled and contented knowing that they're all home with me.

Still...sleepover tomorrow, yay!

1/18/07

1/17/07 Back to exercise

I dared attempt a conditioning class today, which was challenging mostly in lugging the carseat and Katrina into the gym. I am very close to chucking that heavy thing, I so much prefer a regular carseat! But Katrina is a little young to be carried around everywhere, she still needs two hands, and she still sleeps just enough that it's useful to have her in the infant carrier. Not for long though.


In fact, more and more I've left the carseat in the car and just carried Katrina wherever we were going, though with little boys in tow, it seems I often need to carry other things.

In any case, the conditioning class felt great, though bending down to pick up weights put some strain on my back. I used lighter weights than usual, and moved gingerly through the class, but it was definitely a plus to have done it, even at diminished capacity. I expect that tomorrow I'll be myself again, and even if I'm not, I'm still skating!

Today the strangest thing happened. In the afternoon, Gabriel fell asleep on the family room floor. I put Katrina down for a nap, and it was a fine time for me to lie down too. So for a time, we were all three asleep. This is a very common scenario for us in the afternoon (Julian was at Tonya's).

(I'll add here that Katrina has been waking up more and more, including times when it's clear she's not hungry. The boys started night-sleep trouble around this age too, so I'm deeply fearful that I'm in for months and months of being tired all the time from constant sleep interruption. So I look for any opportunity to lie down.)

When I got up, I heard Gabriel crying softly, and went to see what was wrong. He was dejectedly cleaning up his train tracks, crying without tears, just slightly more than a whine. This is the sort of crying he does occasionally if he breaks or tears something he cares about. I asked him what was wrong, and he looked at me and said, "I'm lonely." I probed him more, and he'd thought he was alone in the house! I wasn't in sight when he woke up from his floor nap, so he assumed I was gone. He wasn't fearful or distressed, just sad. It was so strange! I sat and held him and rocked him for a long, long time, and told him many times that I'd never leave him, and he just snuggled me and said calmly, "OK, mom." He didn't cry or complain, he just quietly curled up in my lap. Even when he's vulnerable, he's tough!

For dinner, I continued a con I tried last week: "green french fries." It worked, though the boys tried to eat the buttery green beans with their fingers, a la French Fries. Still, they both consumed the vegetable without complaint. Yay! And then, more music to my ears, from Julian: "Mommy, can I please have some more fish?" They both downed the baked tilapia I made. That makes up for the frozen fish sticks I just got, even though they're Trader Joe's and the ingredients are pretty good.

No contractors for two days now...turns out, the painters are done (FINALLY!!!!!), and we're down to punchlist items. Still, a big thing still left is the bifold doors for the laundry area, that would have been done by now except that the wrong doors came in. So now we're waiting for those doors. We could move upstairs now, but then when the guys come for the final items, they'll be trying to start work upstairs while we're still taking showers and getting dressed. After 13 months living downstairs, you'd think a few more weeks would be no big deal, right? On the contrary, every day irritates me more and more. I want to move up!

The boys' room sure is small (11x13) with both their beds in there, and worse than that, there's very little wall space. I'm starting to e-shop for bunk beds for them.

1/17/07

1/16/07 Healing

I went to physical therapy today at 7:15am, which helped a lot. My back is now sore all over, but it's just muscles (not joint). With more ice and heat, by the end of the day, I could stand up mostly straight, but still couldn't carry much, especially not Katrina. I asked Kids Inc to keep Gabriel all day, since I couldn't handle the boys together. One or the other, fine, but both together is 100 times as hard.

Baby was fussy and hard to please today, I think because she hasn't been out of the house in two days.

Julian's one big outing was out front to pick an orange, though he played in the backyard for a while afterward.

While outside, I was struck by an orange. Not literally, but it stood out boldly from the others. I didn't know how to compose the photo, nor crop it later to adjust for poor composition. It's like drawing: I'm a very creative artist in my head, but I absolutely can't make my hand transfer a drawing in my head onto paper. I feel like I'm in a foreign country struggling to speak the language, and I have a lot to say even though I'm illiterate.

I should be able to stand up completely tomorrow, and maybe even carry Katrina around comfortably. And, exercise again! I've been doing a few minutes here and there of exercises on the floor, but that doesn't compare to a session at the Y. But absolutely no stationary bicycling.

1/16/07

1/15/07 Mom takes a bath

It was time! My brand-new bathroom has been awaiting for months, and tonight I decided to try it out. I've hesitated because it's still partly a work zone; there's still new dust every day, and, well, I feel funny putting all my personal little indulgences around the bathtub when there are still strange guys in and out of there!

But my injured back demanded it. I've spent all day doing nothing, saving whatever strength I have to lug a bewildered Katrina around from place to place, dangling in my arms like a lion cub. I lay down whenever I could, knowing from regrettable experience that time off my back is essential for healing. Gabriel was wonderful today, despite the lack of entertainment, playing on his own for hours. I felt bad when I did join him, and he'd say, "Oh I'm so glad you're here now Mom. I was lonely!"

I was a little nervous testing out my new bathtub: the time and expense of this remodel puts a lot of pressure on everything being great. But I got over that quickly when I remembered why I'd chosen that particular tub: it is comfortable! It was great taking a bath in a tub that I could actually fill. The controls are a little too high; I have to really reach to turn the water on and off. My sitting-shower concept (a handshower placed low enough to act as a shower when you're sitting in the bath) works great. But my bathtub's jets didn't work!! Wah!! I really needed that. Another item for the punchlist.


I didn't dare attempt going anywhere today, so had to settle for sitting in the backyard to give Katrina, and myself, fresh air. Gabriel discovered this adorable hand-me-down hat for Katrina, and thought it would be really funny for him to put on. And it was!

Of course, if I'm essentially on bedrest, there's still one thing I can do with baby: photos! Not the ones in which I stand over her, but I had to take some pictures, since she was being pretty cute.

I took one with my hand in it, on purpose. If Mom is any indication, I will probably age pretty well....except my hands. They are every bit my 43 years, and then some. (I'm in good company though; look closely at Sarah Jessica Parker's hands in Sex and the City.) So I faced up to it and took a picture with my wrinkled old hand in it, next to my perfect little baby.

This kicked off a series of hand shots. These were quite difficult to take, since Katrina was in full wiggles-and-kicks mode!






















But there's a lot of potential there. I have a lot of idea for hand shots now -- if only I could get her to cooperate! Still, she found these finger antics pretty interesting.




















Gabriel can never get enough of his little sister, and helped me a lot today entertaining her.


Without Julian around, Gabriel was a perfect angel today, though he was quite glad to see Julian when Dave brought Julian home. In fact, Julian came up and gave Gabriel a kiss hello! While I was luxuriating in my bath, it was quite heartwarming to hear them downstairs running madly after each other, laughing and shouting and excitedly yammering out ideas for play and mischief. Ah, little boys.

Tomorrow will probably be another bust, but I plan to be standing up tall again on Wednesday.

1/15/07

1/14/07 Back out!

Bloody hell. Yesterday I was flying high, feeling great about being able to run again...today, I'm hobbling around bent completely over, unable to lift or carry anything or reach up. Did I say I spent 6 minutes on a stationary bike yesterday, despite my risky sacro-iliac joint? Well, that's what I get for tempting fate!

This time the trigger wasn't as benign as the others. I was trying to lift a heavy piece of the crib up the stairs when I felt the toing. But still, I know what it's like to wrench your back lifting something heavy -- it hurts, you stop, it aches for a few hours, it goes away. This is completely different. I can't straighten my body at all, even under no load (as in water). Past experience says it will be a few days before I can stand straight again.

Last time this happened, Julian was a crawling toddler (about 17 months old) who needed to be carried, but he was too heavy and I had to get Peggy to help me for a few days. This time, Katrina is light enough that I can clutch her against my chest and move her from place to place, but that's about it.

Just sitting here typing is pretty painful. Dave took Katrina and Gabriel to Safeway for our usual Sunday shopping, and I'm about to tackle dinner, somehow. I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow.

1/14/07