6/15/07 Gabriel's last day at Kids Inc.

Gabriel graduated from pre-K yesterday!

I was really impressed with the effort Mrs. Rosie put into the whole graduation cermony. The kids had been rehearsing for weeks.

First, the kids filed out in procession, wearing caps and gowns, to the tune of Pomp and Circumstance, of course.

Then they sat in their chairs, and Mrs. Rosie spoke for a few minutes.



Just as Mrs. Rosie was about to start the music for a song, I was a little appalled to see one mom break ranks from the audience and cross the "stage" to straighten her daughter's cap, fussing to get her bangs under the cap. Incredibly, this rude interruption somehow invited other parents to do the same!! I mean, really! Finally Mrs. Rosie gently nudged them away with, "OK, we're going to start the song now..."

Then they all sang a song about the sun, waving a little sun they'd each made out of a paper plate.


Then each graduate came up and read a few lines from a nursery rhyme into the mike (a short clip of Gabriel reading is in yesterday's post).

Then they each got a balloon and they all let them go at one time, cheering, to say goodbye to preschool.

Then they each filed up, one by one, to collect their diplomas.

And then they all posed for photos before filing back inside to the classroom, where we collected a bound scrapbook with various artwork and photos collected across the whole year, a necklace they'd each made with their names, and a wrapped gift. Wow!


Somehow, the director of the school got caught with a dead car, and wasn't there -- she really was the one who should have caught the parents' attention to give a big public thank-you to the teacher. She really deserved it. (I made an attempt once we were all back in the classroom, but everyone was milling around, so it was hard.) I'm glad I got Gabriel to make a card for Mrs. Rosie though. Really, very nicely done. I have mixed feelings about Kids Inc; the facility/building is really poor, but the pre-K teacher is great. That makes up for a lot.


After the ceremony, Gabriel asked Pranav to sign his autograph book (part of the scrapbook), and Pranav's mother suggested they pose for a photo together. Apparently these two have become friends, though Gabriel rarely talks about other kids at school. Unfortunately, Pranav isn't going to Gabriel's same elementary school next year.



During the ceremony, I was a little concerned about how Katrina would be, as evenings are always iffy for babies. But, silly me, I underestimated her again. She had a grand time, absolutely beside herself at all this new activity and people to see. Quite the little social butterfly.


Julian, very typically, was entranced, watching quietly with wide eyes and open mouth, soaking it all in with his usual reserve. But I wouldn't be surprised if months from now, he related some incident or thing he observed during the ceremony. He surprises me more and more often with something I thought of as so small and insignificant, but he remembers. This is much much more like his cousin than his brother.

As for today...I had an OB appointment, so Julian and Katrina went to Tonya's this morning, as Gabriel had his last morning at Kids Inc. Whatever's bothering my tummy really is tummy -- good news, I guess, since I'm seeing a gastroenterologist next week.

I had the afternoon alone with all 3 kids, which in some ways is getting harder than it was, but in other ways it's easier too. It really all depends on what the boys are doing. If they get involved in something new, I'm in great shape. But if not, and Julian doesn't take a nap....ugh. Then it's nonstop ordering them to quit bothering Katrina, stop squeaking a toy in her ear, take your stinky foot out of her face, give her the toys back, no more patting her head, don't grab her hands, OK that's enough, go into the living room, go into the living room right now, go into the living room RIGHT NOW....~EXPLODE~ RIGHT NOW! NOW!! >> N O W !! << Then comes the name-calling, insult-hurling, threats, claims that they don't have to do what I say, punching chairs, throwing sandals...and it all goes downhill from there.

Motorcycles and neighbors' backyard pools have been described as "attractive nuisance" hazards to kids. Well, so is an adorable baby sister. Who completely undermines my efforts by beaming and laughing at her brothers.

I'm FINE with them playing with her, and I let a lot slip -- she leads a tough life, I know that, and I really don't think I'm high on the overprotective scale. But I'm never sure when they're going to go too far, like when I caught Julian bouncing her finger between his teeth yesterday, or when I see Gabriel's filthy fingers doing a spider walk over her eyes, or when Julian "pretends" to put Scotch tape on her face.

Today Gabriel asked Dave how many hours were in a year. Dave said he didn't know, we'd have to calculate it. So now, Gabriel is ALL into "calculating" : "let's calculate, Dad!" I don't really think he knows what it means exactly, but he thinks it's cool.

6/15/07

6/14/07 Katrina's goofy giggle

Katrina has a silly new way of laughing, by panting air out of her nose with a scrunched-up face. It is so silly it's hard to tell it's a laugh! Not the best example here, but still gives you the idea:


Lots more to say about Gabriel's pre-K graduation tonight, but it's too late and I'm too tired and Katrina is coughing (! wah!) too much.

Whoops, my youtube upload finished. OK, here's Gabriel reading a nursery rhyme as part of the graduation ceremony. Each kid got up and read about 4 lines that they'd rehearsed. Mrs. Rosie (the teacher) said they all LOVED talking into the microphone!


6/14/07

6/13/07 Katrina eats

After Katrina's pediatrician visit last week, I tried giving her yogurt again. No hives! Not for days! Not to mention, talking with the ped. made me realize we'd been giving her milk-based formula all along (when she goes to Tonya's). So I don't think she's dairy-allergic.

So, I'm opening the floodgates. Today, Katrina tried a whole bunch of new foods, mostly because I happened to have them leftover from other meals, and figured she should try them too.

One of the things I like about making baby food, rather than using jars, is just my own mindset. More and more, I can think of her as eating what we have, avoiding certain things of course, and putting it into a form she can eat. You'd think with the 3rd baby, I'd make less baby food, but it's proved to be exactly opposite. The one thing that's fallen by the wayside is the porridge from grain, but I guess that's because I know that's temporary anyway. All my food-making is geared toward her eating the same thing everyone else does.

Besides, she doesn't seem to like any of the jars I've tried for "emergencies." So when I'm in a time crunch and she doesn't like what I've made for her, I've had to dig deeper, because jars don't seem to be the answer. Even the one thing I thought jars do pretty well -- pears -- are watery and tasteless. The pear puree I make is SO GOOD I almost don't want to "waste" it on her!

So, today, she got some fork-mushed kiwi slices, and she LOVED them. Then I added some leftover quinoa and finely chopped broccoli to her lunch of pureed yams, as well as some turkey bits. She gobbled it all. For such a tiny little baby, she sure can pack it down.

There are downsides to making baby food, especially the purees. It's a LOT of extra cleanup and water usage. And, you might get a fast science lesson when you add a little cold water to a glass pan that's been roasting yams at 400 degrees (hint: POW!).

The other good news is that she slept all night again until 6:40am this morning!

Today Julian did great in swim class -- confident, cheerful, willing. It's so much like him, it takes about 4-5 times before he kicks into gear.



Katrina too had a great time, though as usual, she cried with teacher Joey. I tried high-diving her (holding her up over my head, then diving her head-first into the water), and she came up like nothing had happened.




Is it because she's a girl and dressed in girl-clothes? I get SO many comments about how cute she is -- more, I think, than I did for the boys. Yet I know baby boys, having had two of them, are just as cute as baby girls. Or is it because she is so petite? Or that she's not virtually bald like her brothers were at this age? Hard to say. She is very outgoing and smiley though, maybe that's why. Of course, what mom doesn't think her 8-month-old baby is the most beautiful sight there is?

Speaking of 8-month-old baby, two things there are no signs of at all: teeth, and crawling. But she's sleeping through the night half the time. I'll take it.

6/13/07

6/12/07 Julian remembers

Driving back from picking up Katrina and Julian from Tonya's this afternoon, the boys and I were talking about "other Gabriels" and "other Katrinas."

Julian piped in, "There's another Julian!". "There is?" I asked absently. He said, "Yes, in Erin's backyard."

Indeed, thinking about it, at Erin's 4th birthday party, last October, before Katrina was even born, there was another Julian at the party. Apparently it made quite the impression on him. Maybe this sort of remembering is typical for 2-year-olds (he was still 2 then), certainly his cousin Aidan would remember things like that, but it's new to me. Amazing what sticks in their little minds!

Katrina woke up at 7am today, the second time in a few days. This is the beginning of "sleeping through the night" -- yay!

Productive meeting with an architect this afternoon. The verrry first baby step!

6/12/07

6/11/07 Gabriel's map

Gabriel drew a map today, starting it at school, then completing it at home.

It started with the points labeled "HS" (for "house") and "SR" (for store), then expanded to include China. He's been very interested in China lately, which is odd since none of his classmates are Chinese, which is even odder.

The yellow strip is hot lava, he says. Then, "you know what this little black thing is? That the hot lava is bending around?" No I don't, Gabriel, tell me. In his best WELL DUH voice, he enlightened me: "It's a hot-lava-bender, Mom!" Silly me.

I had a miraculous afternoon with the boys, considering how badly the day could have gone. I fought a headache all morning, and finally caged and took some Imitrex in the afternoon, resigned to knowing I'd feel worse for a few hours first. But it came through, and I was able to function the rest of the day.


Better yet, Katrina took a nice long afternoon nap, allowing me some nice time with the boys, who were strangely well-behaved despite Julian not taking a nap. But they insisted on being silly when I tried to take pictures.

We spent some time putting together the shelves I bought at IKEA ... how many weeks ago? I've gotten pretty good at finding "jobs" for them; they like "helping" me build stuff. Occasionally Gabriel really IS a help!


This is Julian after washing his face himself, having come inside looking like he was trying to camouflage himself with dirt.

Though the migraine drug helped, it's still not the same as not having a headache to begin with. So I forced myself to go to the Y tonight, and dragged myself through an unusually unsatisfying workout, especially given my persistent, and I think, growing, spare tire around the middle.

I'm actually starting to get worried about it. I've been pretty controlled about what I eat, exercise regularly, and on the occasions I dare to weigh myself, I'm at a decent weight. Yet this tummy-sticking-out thing just seems to get worse. I swear, I looked pregnant tonight, and what's more, when I sit down, it pushes against my lungs uncomfortably, like when I was pregnant. Sometimes, something feels like it's pulling on me inside, and at times, I can lie down and just watch things move around, tighten, and contract, like mini Braxton-Hicks contractions. This can't be right. I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist next week, I hope he can tell me something, though I might be seeing the wrong kind of doctor if this is related to the tubal ligation.

At least I forgot about the headache for a while tonight though. Mission accomplished.

6/11/07

6/10/07 Riding at Creekside Park

This morning after our usual big breakfast to-do, we took the boys to Creekside Park in the hopes of finding more room for them to practice riding. There's a big soccer field with a paved sidewalk perimeter, perfect for Gabriel to ride, but also, the field would provide some runoff room for Julian.

A big challenge with this bicycling thing is that Gabriel isn't quite mature enough to be counted on not to run into things, on purpose or by accident. I know from other parks how annoying -- and unsafe -- it is to have kids riding bicycles around pathways where toddlers are liable to dart out at any moment, from the perspective of the toddler-mom, that is. So I need to find parks where we can see him, and that he can ride on paths not shared by playgrounds, little kids, and people who want to walk along calmly without being barreled over by a hells-on-wheels 5-year-old.

The theory basically worked at Creekside: Gabriel rode around in circles happily, though I can see that getting old for him after a while. But he got to ride farther and faster than he ever has.

You can't see it in that video, but he's getting fast. Taking him to someplace like Shoreline Park would require one of us to have a bicycle too.


Julian, meantime, is doing fine with the riding part, but stopping and starting, not so much. He can use his coaster brakes to stop, but not to slow down, so he starts to panic if he gets going too fast. And he always does get going too fast, because he doesn't know how to ride slowly yet.

Then there's the problem that he's just 3 years old. The most minor thing distracts him, such as when he's riding along fine, then screeches to an ungraceful stop and drops the bike, just to tell me that his fingernail is too long or that he has to scratch his nose.

So it's a lot of work helping him, but he does make it a decent distance (25 meters or so?) before he comes to a semi-crashing halt. Enough that I'm finding immediate benefits to the running habit I'm still clinging to (2x a week or so, just enough to stay in training zone and never really improve!). He still has a way to go before he's really riding on his own, but he's on his way!

Katrina played on the family room floor tonight for 40 minutes while Dave had the boys out to Safeway, and I was making dinner. I'd set her up with a basket of toys, figuring I had about 5 minutes, but she was still there when the boys got back. She took especial interest in a board book, carefully turning it over, opening it, playing with the pages. I frequently made eye contact and talked to her, but she was just fine for a time longer than many 5-year-olds would play on their own. I was amazed. Of course, that sort of concentrated play would have been out of the question with any brothers here.

Brutal headache today, getting ready to turn into a nasty migraine tomorrow, I'm sure. This will be the fourth Sunday in a row that I predict a Monday Migraine. What is that about?!

6/10/07

6/9/07 No more training wheels?

This afternoon, we went to Portal Park for a Las Madres 2004 picnic. Father's Day picnic, as it turns out. I'm glad I semi-forgot about that, so that Dave didn't feel obligated to go. Time off from children alone at home is at a premium around here.

There were some games intended for the kids and grownups to do together. The boys didn't have a grownup, since I had to watch Katrina, but that didn't seem to phase them. Luckily, Betsy was able to corral them and tell them what to do. She even attempted to get Gabriel to play the role of father in one game! Clever!

In the end, they both got ribbons and were happy about that.











Later, Dave took the boys out bicycling. When they got home, they showed me a new development: Julian can ride without training wheels!!

Riding is one thing, of course, but stopping and starting is something else. He needs a lot of help for that, but still, he certainly gets the concept. When he looks where he's going, he can even steer.

Then we went to Willow Glen in the hopes of making it to an open house, at the same new Craftsman-y house I'd seen some weeks ago. The open house was supposed to close at 4:30, but apparently 4:25 is the new 4:30, as we and another couple were stymied by this new interpretation of time.

The plan was to go to the open house, then go out to an early dinner in downtown Willow Glen (an area in San Jose with a short main drag of a downtown with shops and restaurants). We went to Mio Vicino -- a poor choice, in retrospect. Dave and I have a soft spot for Mio Vicino, as our first date was at the one in Santa Clara, and we used to love the one in Campbell until it closed, but this one was different. Service was poor, food was slow, which is painfully magnified when your good-kid-time clock is ticking.

Katrina, incredibly, sat quietly in the high chair chewing on Corn Chex and bread for the 40 minutes it took to get our dinners. She has really been earning good-baby points lately.

Next time, we'll go to Willow Street Pizza, another place we have a soft spot for. Our first kiss was after a date at the one in Los Gatos. And the Willow St. Pizza in Willow Glen was always our kick-off point for our numerous trips to Big Sur the summer we were planning our wedding. Willow St. Pizza is more kid-suitable anyway.

Grand plans busted notwithstanding, at least we got our brood to bed early.

6/9/07

6/8/07 Katrina's weight check

Dave returned from a business trip tonight, mercifully ending my tenure as a single stay-at-home mom. And not a moment too soon.

There are stay-at-home moms. And there are single moms. But there are very few single stay-at-home moms. There's a reason for that.

Actually, the day went pretty well, all things considered. Though I got too little sleep last night, I was able to take a decent nap this morning, thanks to a sound baby nap and thanks to Julian playing on his own downstairs for two hours. I wasn't asleep all that time, so I listened in on him. Mostly he was singing along with two Sesame Street CDs, coloring, and riding his bike. He also spent some time making a "race number," which is drawing a number on a piece of paper, cutting it out, then taping it to his shirt. Interesting how he cut it out, considering his scissors are missing.

Katrina had another weight check appointment today. As is now usual, she was excited about the new situation, and thought the waiting room was all sorts of fun.

So, she weighs 14 lbs 4 oz (rounding up a fraction of an ounce), having put on 10 ounces in a month. She's still hanging onto the chart, barely, at 3rd percentile, but our pediatrician didn't think there was anything to worry about. One look at this beaming baby, and it's clear she's developing just fine.

The pediatrician also said the longest hive episode she'd heard of was two years (!), and said it's not uncommon for kids to have lengthy hive outbreaks that eventually go away and you never really know what caused it. Those usually aren't food allergies, and Katrina's hives fit that category (you know, that "one of those things, we have no idea" category). As we were getting into the car afterward, a centimeter-long white line raised up on her face amidst a dime-sized red blotch, as if to remind me that it's not quite over.

Julian was so good during Katrina's appointment, sitting quietly in a chair and flipping through a Parenting magazine. He was really, really good this morning, and that's saying a lot!

Gabriel asked me today where the edge of the sky is.

6/8/07

6/7/07 A rough bedtime

Just after watching an episode of Supernanny, and determining to be on my best Mom behavior, I completely lost it tonight.

As I was getting Katrina ready for bed, I called to the boys to get ready for their bath, and they mostly ignored me. After repeated asking, demanding, countdowning, flat-out ordering, and lots of rude and defiant talk back ("you can't order me around Mommy -- now STOP it" -- from Julian!), I picked Gabriel up and stuck him on his bed, hard, and he kicked me in the stomach. That earned him a hard smack on a conveniently bare bottom, and it all went downhill from there.

The low point came when the boys were shouting that they hated me and were demanding that I leave, and I lost my patience and did exactly that. I picked up a surprisingly calm Katrina, told them "Fine, I'm leaving then," and stalked downstairs. They followed me downstairs, naked, bawling and screaming and begging me not to leave. I'd gone too far, again. I knelt and started to hug them both, and was about to explain that I'd never leave them....and in the pinnacle of a turnaround moment, Katrina hurled ALL over -- all over her pajamas, my shirt, pants, and the floor. I had to drop everything and do some basic triage on the mess, with the boys still beside themselves. Great.

Later, I was trying to rinse shampoo lather off Gabriel's face, Katrina was working on a diaper change, Julian was sitting on the toilet crying for me to hold his hands, and I still had spitup all over me. Major overload. At times like this, I fall back on a most unlikely source of guidance: my first MSF (Motorcycle Safety Foundation) class. Separate your hazards. Prioritize your immediate risk. Be aware of all potential threats, but deal with them one at a time.

So when all four of us need something, I have to pick one first, quickly. That's why I spent at least half an hour with my clothes clinging to me with spitup.

And Supernanny? Out the window. So much for my resolve not to lose my temper, not to react when they laugh at me, not to shout when they ignore me, not to scare them. Maybe I'll do better tomorrow.

At least we had a nice time reading before bed, and then I made sure to tell them both that I'd never ever leave them, because I'm their mommy. A lofty title I'm not sure I deserved tonight. (The movie line rings in my head: "...and don't give yourself pious airs about motherhood....why, a cat is a better mother than you!" Ooh, harsh.)

I had this afternoon alone with Gabriel, who went straight outside after we got home after I picked him up. I saw him sitting by his bicycle on the grass, and figured he was toying with the kickstand. A good half hour later, he was still there, hadn't budged, and was still staring at the fence.

I went outside to talk to him, and all he said was that he thinks we should paint the fence blue. Is this what keeps a 5-year-old's mind busy for over half an hour?!


Here's what kept him busy yesterday, a drawing of a train. These drawings take him a long time, as he is very meticulous and careful to stay within his own lines. But the fact that he's been drawing pictures at all is a fairly new, and intriguing, thing for him.

This day deserves to be retired.

6/7/07

6/6/07 New Look

I've been wanting to change the look of this blog for a while, and tonight took two steps forward, one step back. The steps forward are the colors and width, but backward are the little rounded corner turds in the header. I know why that is, but don't feel like finding a workaround right now. Still, overall, I like this better. Let me know if you have trouble reading it.

Old posts will have fonts that look too small now, but for new posts, I won't always have to change the font.

6/6/07 The redhead?

If you didn't know better, at times you'd say Katrina has red hair! Well, strawberry blondish, anyway, depending on the light.





No matter what you call it, it is hard to believe she was born with black hair.

But it's also hard to believe it will persist, as the genetics are for dark hair. Still, could there be some recessive Irish characteristics manifesting themselves?


This modeling took place in a shopping cart at Trader Joe's this afternoon, where I pulled off a successful stock-up venture with all three kids. I love that Katrina can sit up in shopping carts now, since for the most part, the boys can't reach her (though I did have to pinch Julian's fingers to get him to quit pulling her feet after being told umpteen times to stop).

The only thing about her being in the cart, especially the narrow ones at Trader Joe's, is remembering the time that Gabriel climbed up the side of one and toppled the cart, with Julian in the seat. It wouldn't be hard for one of the boys to climb up there in the seconds I have my head turned to pick something off a shelf. ~Shudder~

We had an unexpected substitute swim teacher today: Gina!! I was thrilled! Julian started the class again half-heartedly crying and protesting, and finished it by swimming across the short side of the pool completely unassisted, delighted with himself. Good boy! Katrina didn't cry at all, and is getting pretty good at jumping off the side now. My little fishies.

I talked to a mom in playtime with one son just a few weeks younger than Julian. Somehow she commented that she didn't want her son to be an only child, but it wasn't working out. Partly, she said, I'm old. I can usually trump "old" moms on age, but it turns out that she and I are just a few months apart in age. It's a story I come across so often: secondary infertility, often, but not always, with a mom of my generation. These stories always give me pause, because as shellshocked as I still am about having another baby, my story is one so many people would love to live. Some moms are encouraged by my story, others are disheartened by it, and I feel uncomfortably, futilely guilty by the latter. Something so profound and life-changing we have no control over. We can't trade, compromise, negotiate, switch; like swapping a purple coat for a red one. I got a baby. Someone else who dearly wants one didn't. How did that happen?

Dave is in San Diego on a business trip until Friday night, so I'm playing single parent for the week. I'm playing up the pros, such as dinner at 5:30. That works great.

6/6/07

6/5/07 The gift

I had this afternoon alone with Gabriel today, a dull prospect for him since I was bent on getting things done in the office.

I don't know what got into him, but he decided to draw a picture of me and him walking up a mountain, along a river. It took him a long time, and he proudly showed it to me afterward. I made a big fuss over it, then told him he should sign and date it. This occupied him for another 15 minutes as he meticulously wrote "June 5 2007 Tuesday Gabriel".

I'd love to show you the picture he drew, but instead, he insisted on wrapping it as a present. I tried to dissuade him, since I really did want to see the picture, but Gabriel isn't known for being easily sidetracked. I relented and let him at it, with wrapping paper, scotch tape and scissors. This kept him busy for another 15 minutes or so.

Then my present needed a tag. He went about his work, coming into the office to ask me how to spell my name, then how to spell "From," even though he could spell it himself when I pressed him.

Finally, he was done, and reappeared to present me with my "birthday gift." I told him, "Gabriel, you didn't have to spell my name, you could have written 'Mom'!". To which he answered, ever so logically, "But every kids' mother's name is Mom -- then you wouldn't know who the present is for!"

I don't dare unwrap the thing, he seems to like this present so much. I'm hoping he'll forget about it so that I can stash the picture, as the glimpse I got of it is truly very sweet.

Katrina is 8 months old today! What a milestone -- we've now had a baby out-of-utero for the same amount of time, almost to the day, that the baby was in-utero. Lemme tell you, it's a whole lot more fun having the baby out! (well, of course, of course I mean provided the baby really has been inside you for 8 months, apologies to preemie-moms).

She's still in a wonderful place, just charming and delightful....and very tolerant of brother antics. I tried to capture a moment in which Julian was making her crack up aloud, but the camera and Gabriel distracted her. Instead, I captured a moment of what I constantly endure the boys doing to her, never knowing when they're about to go too far, grabbing her hands and feet, bouncing around -- and Katrina constantly undermining my warnings and corrections to the boys by smiling at them and rarely complaining.


It's funny, when I have the afternoon alone with my 5-year-old, I feel more in touch as a mom. This is where I belong, with little kids who I can just tell to get out of the car and close the door behind them, who can carry things, put things away, that I can talk to and interact with. I feel like I'm living in a past world when I'm carrying a baby around, almost as much as when I see a pregnant woman or a single woman or a college student. It's such an enigma. On the one hand, I have this beautiful, fabulously rewarding, outgoing, charming, sweet baby. On the other hand, I feel much more in my element when I'm with my 5-year-old almost-kindergartner, who is those things only in moments. Even as my connection with my role as kid-mom strengthens, so does my love for my baby, if not my love for my role as baby-mom. Yet when I'm alone with her, on all appearances I'm a highly engaged baby-mom, probably because this particular baby is so engaging and irresistable. Even I can't help it. It's like Mother Nature is taunting me, teasing me for any ambivalence I have about having a baby in my life. But Mom Nature's joke won't last long, because babyhood doesn't either.

6/5/07

p.s. that's odd, blogger's option to change font face, is missing today, though changing font size is still there. Bug or feature?

6/4/07 The Impatience

This evening, I was making a mad dash for the Y, having focused all my energies from about 4:30pm on to getting kids fed, kitchen cleaned, baby nursed, clothes prepared for tomorrow, and everything taken care of to do so. I had to be back by 8:30 so that Dave could get dinner, and was finally ready to leave around 7pm. My time was ticking, so I said a quick goodbye to the boys, who ignored me, then got into my car.

"Wait!" I heard imploringly. "Mommy!!" I got out, quelling my irritation. "Where are you going?" I explained again, gave them each a quick hug, then ran back into my car.

"WAIT!!! MOMM-MY!!!!!" Argh!! Now what?!! "I want to give you a hug and a kiss!" Oh, OK. I can't complain about those after all. Brushing aside a flash of guilt from curtailing this moment of affection, I gave them both the prescribed hugs and kisses, then ran back into my car. Quickly, I started to pull out of the driveway.

"WAAIIIIITTT!!! Mommy! Mommy!!!!"

@&$&#@!*! Come on! Another round of hugs and kisses. Mwah, hug, kiss, pat on the bottom, go play. BYE!

Back in my car. Close the door. Snap on seatbelt. Car in gear, pull forward as fast as politely possible, down the driveway, just about to make my escape....

"WAAIIIIITTT!!! **MOMMMM-MMEEEEE!!!!

Screeeech!. Slam on the brakes. Car in neutral. Put on emergency brake. Unsnap seatbelt. Dash out of the car, leave it running, door open. Run back to the backyard gate, seriously annoyed now.

WHAT!!! I demand.

Gabriel said, "I just wanted to tell you something."

NOT NOW!!! I turn to leave. Then:

"Mom -- I love you!"

I looked back at two innocent faces standing there wide-eyed, waiting to see the impact of this unexpected, and apparently sincere, declaration. Julian then piped in too: "yeah, Mommy, I love you too."

My energy for escape drained instantly, the urgency to leave replaced with guilt, a smart smack on my conscience, and a wave of love and affection. I kneeled down and gave my sons long hugs and kisses and told them, completely from the heart, how much I loved them too. I stayed with them until they were kissed out and ready to do their own thing. Then, one more kiss each, one more pat on the bottom, and I was off to do mine.

And I did, smiling the whole way.

6/4/07

6/3/07 A do-nothing day

It was so nice out today. Why didn't I get out, or better yet, take kids out, to do something? Well, I guess because I got to sleep late -- really late (like 10:30am!), and that was such a nice feeling. How rare to get up feeling like I actually got up on my own terms and got enough sleep! Many thanks to Dave for that treat.

Still, this set us up for a late day. Katrina also woke up unusually late, which is nice, but it also meant she only ended up taking one nap today (gah!). And that nap was ended by a screaming Julian screaming that he didn't need a nap. Uh-huh.

With Julian and Katrina tag-teaming naps, and Gabriel happily outside helping Dave with yardwork (digging out a sprinkler head is still prime entertainment for 5-year-olds), there wasn't much point to taking kids out anyway. Still, I felt bad for not making a trip to a park with Gabriel's new bicycle happen, or take the boys to the Y to swim.


But if you have to have a baby who only took one nap today, at least it was one who was happy and cheerful and very willing to play with her brothers' toys. And whose brothers are far too willing to play with her. I had to banish Julian to another room several times for incessantly grabbing her feet or hands.

I did an experiment on Katrina today: I showed her a small toy, got her interested in it, then put it inside a box with a hinged lid that she can easily open. Would she go after the toy now that it was out of sight? Nope! Not yet! Just wondering.

6/3/07

6/2/07 Gabriel's new bike

Gabriel got a new bicycle today!

I know, I know, what did he do to deserve this?

Well, actually, once he dropped the stubborn attitude and hence the training wheels, his old bike looked too small. And he's had it for two years now. If bike-riding is going to be a frequent activity, and I hope it is, then it seemed silly to wait for a special occasion for a new bike, especially since special occasions around here are grouped in the winter months.

This one has 16-inch wheels, and is a little big for him, but he'll use it for years. It corners and rolls over bumps much better than his smaller one -- which will become Julian's.


Here he is riding it around the backyard. He really needs a bigger place to ride.



I coupled baby entertainment with a long run at Rancho San Antonio today.

Well, long for me, anyway, about 5 miles all told. For "real" runners, that's barely a warm-up! It felt good though -- especially the downhills.

It's a route I'd done once before (Farm -> Rogue Valley -> Chamise -> Ravensbury -> Farm), and knew was suitable for a jogging stroller: wide relatively smooth trails, and not too hilly. Or so I thought until I had to push the stroller up hills while still maintaining a running gait, barely. Whew! That was tough! And that's on minor, short hills, with my eensy not-even-14-pound baby. I can't imagine if I'd brought 31-pound Julian. Sonia does it pushing her double jogger with both her boys (ages 3yo and 17mo) in it!!

Katrina had a grand time on this outing, not making so much as a "bah-bah" in the hour and a half she sat in the stroller (all told, including stretching and a self-time camera stop).

To me, she's unbelievably cute, but it can't be just my mom-glasses, because at least 4 people slowed down to peek in the stroller, and made "awww" faces.

But to me, the cute is in her manner, as she's been so full of joy lately. If not for the early wakeups, she'd be the perfect baby...if there is such a thing.

Still getting hives though! And, mysterious red patches that come and go all day. The hives are few and far between, but I'm still waiting for a hive-free day. They're certainly not bothering her though, as I have to say again, this baby brims with energy and happiness and delight these days. Which puts me in an awfully good mood. Until about 4am that is!

6/2/07

6/1/07 MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT

Something all mothers aspire to. The pinnacle of achievement. The epitome of challenge. Hurdling obstacles, scaling mountains, reaching for the impossible, putting in the ultimate supreme effort, and yet somehow managing, against all odds, to reach it. The satisfaction is unmatchable.

I cut two kids' fingernails AND toenails today!!!!

Dave and I went out tonight, for our usual favorite dinner-and-movie date. Dinner was at a fairly nice, but still casual, restaurant in Palo Alto, and it was late, past 9:30pm by the time we sat down. We were shocked -- horrified! -- to see a family with three small children there. It's a nice enough place that you don't expect to see little kids there at any hour, but let alone that late.

And we saw the quintessential bad behavior that gives all parents a bad name. Children chasing each other and laughing while running around the tables, bumping into the chairs of other diners. Lots of loud noises and screaming. And the ultimate: a mom following a toddler around the restaurant with a plate and a fork, slipping forkfuls of food into the toddler's mouth when she was distracted. Holy cow!

Well, for once, I end the day feeling like a good parent. Especially since the care my kids were under tonight was far superior -- since it wasn't my care they were under. Instead, they were tended to by the ultra-capable Peggy. They and their nice short neat fingernails.

6/1/07

5/31/07 Mom's day "off"

Day off? Do moms ever have a day off? No, but at least I had a few continuous hours off from the younger two today. This still leaves me with a 1pm pickup and Gabriel all afternoon, but I'm rather enjoying that.

First, the day started with a miraculous event. I hadn't set clothes out for the boys, as I usually do. But when they got up this morning, the first thing they did was go to their dressers and pick clothes out for themselves and started getting dressed! Without prompting, cajoling, threatening, bugging, reminding or anything, they got dressed! Hmm, I'd better keep their dressers stocked with folded clothes. Half the time that I set their clothes out, I pluck them from a pile of clean, unfolded laundry.

Katrina has been nothing short of utterly delightful lately, even after a day away from home and shorter naps. Wakeups have been about half-and-half between waking up at 6am for good, or waking up at 5am, nursing, then going back to sleep until 7:30 or so. The latter is preferable!

Here she is practicing babbling and making goofy sounds and faces. Not her best, but the best I could capture.


Hive report: almost gone! A scratch or injury still raises up red, but the white raised marks are almost completely gone. She has a weight check next week; I'll ask then about if a 3-week-long hive episode could possibly be a food allergy.

One thing the hives inspired was trying out soy yogurt. She luuuuvs that! And I know why, too, having licked the spoon myself. It's very sweet, much sweeter than dairy yogurt. Full of "expressed cane juice," which is a nice way of saying "sugar." I hope we can get back to dairy yogurt before she gets too hooked. Then again, being a big fan of sugar myself, there could be worse things than soy yogurt.

5/31/07

5/30/07 Swim class screwup

WAH! I'd been so looking forward to our perfectly-timed class with our longtime favorite swim teacher, Gina.

But, it turns out, we were on the schedule for an earlier time (and hence late today), and, Gina isn't teaching on Wednesdays! I was so bummed. Especially since having Julian and Katrina in the class means I need extra help from the teacher we do have. But our teacher also runs the swim school, quite often during the lessons. Today I spent a good 5 minutes (out of 20) holding Julian and Katrina while waiting for him to resolve something. This was especially hard since Julian was crying and really really needed my full attention. (He got over it in playtime.)

The good news, however, is that I signed Julian and Katrina up on Mondays also, with Teacher Gina. It's at noon, not necessarily the best time, but there's a good chance Katrina won't be napping then. 3 out of 7 Mondays, however, I'll have to bring Gabriel with us, and hope that he won't be too sad about not joining his sister and brother in the water.

It's worth it though; we've had Gina for years, and she was very supportive and sweet last summer when I was so miserably pregnant. She gave me specific orders to come back this summer with the baby, which she was completely convinced would be a girl. She wouldn't hear of the other possibility.

The other good news is that Katrina had a grand time in swim class today, not crying at all. Despite swimming only once a week, she now totally "gets" jumping into the water, scrunching up her little face in anticipation right before going under. She is almost able to jump off the side, impeded partly by the tiny lip at the edge of the pool, but she can jump in from a step in playtime. With all the wiggling and kicking she does on land, she should take quickly to swimming!

More comments today about how little Katrina is, and surprised reactions when I tell them she's almost 8 months old. When I look around at other babies in swim class, I can see why. She seems littler and littler as her behavior matures faster than her petite little body. We're developing a series of 'P' nicknames for her -- the boys love calling her Pixie Peanut, and now we've tacked on Pipsqueak (thank you Stacey for that one!).

I survived another afternoon today, partly because I got Julian in his room for a nap. He never took one, but at least he was out of the picture for an hour. That makes a huge difference in my ability to deal with the boys for many hours.

People often ask how it is with 3 kids, and my answer hasn't changed: it's not 3 kids, it's 2 boys that gets me. Young boys, close in age, the older one having the much stronger personality, and the younger one being 3. Not the ideal scenario. That said, whenever I see or read something about the deep bond that many grown men have with their brothers, I feel warm and happy that they have each other, and a tiny pang of regret that there isn't another brother in the mix. For a fleeting moment, that is, until the inevitable crash, cry and ensuing chaos shatters my fraternal reverie.

No photos today. Taking advantage of extended daylight, I made a hasty escape this evening, and tackled part of the PG&E trail at Rancho San Antonio. 4.5 miles, about half of that hills. I'm pooped.

5/30/07

5/29/07 First full-time day

Today was the first day of a new schedule: Katrina and Julian at Tonya's all day, Tuesdays and Thursdays, for the summer.

I've been so looking forward to getting some continuous time and making momentum on some projects...but that anticipation was dampened by an unexpected, but really, expected emotion: I missed my baby!

Katrina gained a bad rep from her earlier months; right now she is the picture of a sweet, adorable, delightful, fun, outgoing, utterly joyful baby. And you know that takes a lot for me to say, as I'm not all that big on babies!

(Note that my oh-so-darling 3-year-old barely merited a whit of thought all day.)

She did great at Tonya's, playing happily all day despite marginal naps. When I picked her up, she beamed at me, made her happy crackly sounds, and reached for my face with both hands. Awww. Maybe I did this wrong -- I should put both boys at Tonya's all day! Well, that's coming soon enough, when Gabriel starts at Collins CDC in mid-June.

Before Gabriel starts his new schedule, I have a fun few weeks in which I get him to myself for two afternoons a week. This was timely today, since we had a kindergarten orientation to go to at his school. This was moderately useful, and would have been moreso if we weren't in such a big room with such poor acoustics. Most of what they talked about in terms of readiness for kindergarten didn't apply or isn't an issue (e.g. Gabriel being scared and crying the first day). We didn't get to tour the classrooms, but at least saw where they'd be, and Gabriel got to play in the playground right outside where his class will be.

Gabriel's real excitement this afternoon was discovering a clock-making kit he got for Christmas last year (or the year before, I think!). Mr. Numbers here no longer remembers how to read analog clocks, because digital clocks exist. He learned a long time ago that it's much easier to read a digital clock, so now has to think about it to read an analog one, if he will at all.

(From a cognition perspective, that's actually rather interesting. He was truly reading the analog clock, rather than recognizing a hand pattern and applying it to a developed concept of time, as an adult would. You and I don't really "read" analog clocks, we glance at them and identify the time. They're faster to tell time on them, much like analog speedometers are easier to use than digital ones. So no wonder it's harder for him to read an analog clock, because he's reading it and not really telling time on it. )

Nevertheless, making a clock was great fun for him. He loved the instructions to draw a circle on heavy paper around a dinner plate, then cut it out (he excitedly told Dave about this feat of engineering later). Then I went through with him how to find the center of the circle and make a hole, then he colored the clock, then meticulously glued the numbers on. Finally, I snapped the hands onto the little clock mechanism. He's very proud of it. Maybe now he'll remember how to tell time!

5/29/07

5/28/07 An unmemorable Memorial Day

Memorial Day. Commemorating veterans, old, and regrettably, the daily new. The long-lost 49er rally and the GS trials we used to do, sniff. War movies on TV. Department store sales. And, the unofficial start of summer.

In our case, the holiday meant another day struggling to survive the onslaught of children, and, in my case, a migraine. This time, I took the Imitrex exactly as prescribed: first one pill, then a second two hours later. Judging by this experience, it does seem to address the pain, but that's it. All the other weird and uncomfortable things from the misfirings in my head are still there. The lack of pain is an improvement, but what does it take the get rid of the vice grips, the strange visual perceptions, the sensitivity to light and sound?

My usual remedy to everything is exercise. Mercifully, the Y was not only open today, but Childwatch was on its regular schedule. So I brought all three of our mini-monsters to the Y and pushed my way through a half-hearted workout. When I picked them up, the miniest monster was asleep in the stroller. The Childwatch lady seemed quite pleased with herself. It's not their fault. If a baby is tired, baby shouldn't be there, and I guess lots of moms want them to go to sleep there. I'm not among those.

Indeed, Katrina's 10-minute snooze took the edge off, and she didn't take an afternoon nap until 5:00pm. Great! Fortunately, she was in a great mood when we woke her up, and she went to bed easily around 8:30pm.

After the Y, I took the boys to Supercuts, and was thrilled to find it almost empty. No wait! In under 20 minutes, the boys had gained a degree of respectability and we were on our way home. Meantime, Katrina had a blast at Supercuts, putting on her best adorable-baby show, beaming at everyone, and absolutely relishing the fawning and cooing over her from the underworked ladies. I don't know what got into her.

Maybe it was this hand-me-down denim skirt I put on her today, her first skirt. Skirts are silly on a baby, but this one has handy slits to make it fall right when she's sitting. Provided it's not on backward, as it is in this photo.

Of course, the real reason for the skirt is that I've fallen so behind in laundry and had to dig through more hand-me-down bags that I hadn't gotten to yet. But I like it.

(That reminds me, shopping at Target with Julian and Katrina the other day, Julian ran over to some skirts and wanted to get one -- for himself! No, sweetie, I told him, that's a skirt. "What's a skirt, Mommy?" he asked innocently. I started to answer him, then realized the gravity of the question. He has no idea what a skirt is: I've only ever worn one once around him, for a few hours on Mother's Day!)

I loved this primary-color star onesie on Katrina, from the same trip to Target ($3.99, score!). Later, I realized why I was attracted to it: it was in the infant boys' section! I'm the worst girl mom. Skirts on backward. Boy clothes. Sounds like the way I dress myself.

Oh, time to go...a new episode of SuperNanny is starting! I wonder what she'd say about Gabriel's new harmless attempt at making a point in timeout, which is to strip himself naked and throw his clothes across the room.

5/28/07

5/27/07 Park BBQ

Today's only redeeming event was going to a park and barbeque. I got to chat with friends, Katrina got to smile at people and do cute-baby stuff, and the boys got to play with friends. There were lots of kids there, so there were various combinations of kids playing, but since the boys see so much of the White family, inevitably they gravitated toward their respective peers.

Julian and Andrew played together a lot today,

as did Gina and Gabriel, "racing."

Gabriel discovered a "forest" in a corner of the park, and was unusually excited, for him, about exploring it. I didn't see this myself, but he was coaxing Gina into places that she wisely thought better of going, though fortunately this particular place was safe. They were looking for dinosaurs, but were very excited to discover a cat too.

On the way home, Gabriel asked again and again about going to explore in a forest, can we go now Mom? This kid needs to go camping. Is this a new side of him, or one that's always been there that I haven't fostered somehow? (Isn't it amazing how modern moms can turn a positive thing into a guilt moment?)

Katrina's morning nap got all screwed up, so she was a ticking time bomb while we were at the park. Fortunately she stayed sunny and happy, but we were pushing it. I called it right and got everyone organized to leave early, and with Gabriel's help, managed to keep her awake in the car. The moment we got home, I nursed her and she went down happily for a 2.5-hour nap. And so did I, as I've been fending off a headache today.

I'd hoped to take Dave to an open house today, but alas, it's impossible to fit in multiple things with a nap-needing baby in tow. (Fortunately, or unfortunately at times, Katrina's inflexibility quells any temptation I might have about having her nap in the stroller or some non-crib location. Such as my shoulder, never an option for her.)

I don't want to lose momentum on this massive remodel project, I just want to get it done! Well, started. Sometimes the only way I can keep up with a project is to make sure I do at least one thing a day on it. If that's just sending an email message, so be it, at least it's something. I guess talking with Stacey and Betsy about the virtues and downfalls of interior windowless bathrooms will have to count for today.

I love living so close to Rancho San Antonio. I hate that millions of other people do too, and that tomorrow, especially being a holiday, going to Rancho would mean spending much of baby's happy window circling the parking lot. Maybe I should find a forest for Gabriel to explore tomorrow. It'd be fun to do that with him...except for that nap-needing-baby-in-tow thing again. Sigh. Caught between two lives. Well, three.

5/27/07