7/27/07 Closed street

Today the city closed our street to all traffic, to repave a street that I thought was just fine already. This morning, that meant walking all three kids to the car parked around the corner, to take Julian to his last day of day camp. Fortunately, I had some help from our next-door neighbor with ultra-putzy Julian. Mo Jing swept right in, took Julian's hand, and with his usual excellent cheer and constant laughter, brought him along. I always appreciate the help!


Once we were at the Y, I figured I might as well stay and get in a short stretch and workout, since Katrina wouldn't need a nap for over an hour. But then I realized, there was an aerobics class -- yes, an old-fashioned high-impact, no-equipment aerobics class -- starting. Cool, I haven't done one of those in ages! I figured it'd be easy, given all the running I've been doing, but I was in for a surprise. Aerobics and dance, I quickly remembered, are much burstier sorts of activities. I can jog to the Farm at Rancho San Antonio now without really getting out of breath, but that's a very even sort of exertion. Jumping, turning, kicking....I was surprised how out of condition I am for that sort of movement. Another reminder that no matter how deep I step into the world of athletics, in my heart, if not my body, I'm still a dancer-type.

Katrina had a fine time at the Y Childwatch. I snuck this photo in of her playing on a pillow before she saw me, at which point she started to cry immediately. I wasn't buying that though! The lady playing with Katrina paid her a now-common compliment on the beautiful reddish shade of her hair.

When we got back from the second trip to the Y to pick up Julian, the paving construction on our street was still in progress. A worker told us they were taking a break, then at 2:00, the roller would be out, then after that, the sander truck. Gabriel watched the clock carefully inside, and then was outside at 2:00 on the dot, and Julian joined him, to supervise from the porch.

Well, it turned out that the roller had started before 2:00, and the sander was now halfway done. When the sanding truck was finished, the workers started putting away the cones, and then the same worker we'd talked to was walking along the street, reviewing the results.

Gabriel went up to the worker and informed him that the roller was supposed to start at 2:00! Then Gabriel pointed out that the sand truck had missed a strip in front of our house: "There's still some black here." Incredibly, the worker said, "yeah, they didn't do that quite right," and a few minutes later, someone was there with a shovel, tossing sand onto the black strip. Gabriel appeared satisfied with this, and the worker seemed to accept with good cheer that he was being overseen by a 5-year-old.

I guess the City of Sunnyvale had better make sure they are ON TIME and do the job EXACTLY RIGHT, 'cause Gabriel's on the job!

7/27/07

7/26/07 Julian and Katrina

As much as I adore my firstborn, I have to say, it sure it a lot easier when he's away all day. Not so much because of him, but the effect he has on Julian. Well, the effect they have on each other. Which is instant trouble.

I had the morning alone with Katrina, part of which was unfortunately wasted on another headache doctor appointment (I don't like them and I'm not going back). Then in the afternoon while Katrina was awake, Julian and Katrina played together. She's definitely mobile now, though I'm not quite sure I'd call what she does "crawling," and Julian gets a kick out of watching her and encouraging her.

At day camp, the counselors told me that Julian talks about Katrina all the time. But they were surprised to hear that he has an older brother, who is never mentioned!

I went for a long run at Rancho San Antonio tonight, then joined my Mom friends for 3 C's: Coffee, Cheesecake, and Chatting. Normalcy renewed.

7/26/07

7/25/07 The Family Dinner gone awry

I don't get it. Who are these kids who are brought closer to their families, perform better in school, get into less trouble, succeed in life, because of family dinners together? More to the point, who are the parents who didn't run from the dining room screaming?

Not ours. And not us.

"What is it again they're supposed to get out of this?" Dave asked me dejectedly this evening, during a momentary break in the din of bathroom-talk chanting, banging silverware on glasses, showing of chewed food, bursts of shrieking laughter, hooting sounds. Dave and I exchanging more than a few hastily shouted words, let alone any meaningful information, is completely out of the question. Bonding, enjoying, sharing....? How? Where? Who?

And this is when the boys are being good! Where "good" is defined as "just barely within clear limits we've stated." After all, we're not telling them not to talk at all. Repeating themselves isn't against the rules. Laughing is OK, and handling utensils is fine. Saying "I'm pooped" or "peel the fruit" is OK. But any of those things taken to an extreme turns into obnoxious chanting, banging, shouting and bathroom talk. They constantly look for the zone in which it's just on the edge of being allowed.

It's sad that the supposed glue of family dinner together should unravel an otherwise very pleasant day today.

Julian once again had a fabulous time at daycamp. He gave all the counselors a hug goodbye, and cheerfully said hello or asked questions of anyone we passed. It's starting to make me feel guilty: he needs a larger social outlet than Tonya's.

Today at daycamp, Julian made smoothies, and he told me all about it on the drive home. So, having some bananas and strawberries that were a smidge too ripe for eating directly, we made some smoothies together at home.

I really like making things in the kitchen with the boys, though I haven't done it with Julian alone very much. Julian loved it, talking on and on about how much help he was being, that he was doing his job. Of course, he loved the smoothie he made!

This was made possible by Katrina's rapidly expanding finger-food repertoire. Today she ate the better part of her lunch herself: half a soynut-butter sandwich, bit by bit. She also loves pieces of bagel (with and without cream cheese) and corn cakes, and now, Puffins. She's also getting good at handling a sippy-cup and drinking water from it, which she LOVES.

Today we talked to Grandpa Jim on the phone, and when Katrina got grumpy, I put Grandpa Jim on speaker. He whistled her an Irish tune, and she perked up happily right away!

I'm glad I caught this special moment on crummy-camera video. Grandpa Jim has only met Katrina once, when she was 3 months old, but he fell instantly, and permanently, in love with her.


Ah, seeing that melts away the sting from dinner. It really was a nice day.

7/25/07

7/24/07 The daycamper

I picked up Julian from daycamp at the very last minute today, and found him happily waiting with one counselor and two friends.

I forget, do people worry about 3-year-olds making friends? Gabriel never seemed to care, and Julian does it so easily.

He is absolutely loving this pee-wee daycamp thing. He's in a great mood when I get him, happily chats everyone up as he says goodbye ("My Thomas backpack has train tracks on it!"), talks about things he did, asks if he's going back tomorrow. I should have done more weeklong daycamps for him this summer!

Unfortunately for him, I really need my two full-free-days off from children (which I don't have this week since Tonya's on vacation, hence the half-day daycamp). As adorable was Katrina was today, she's still just a 9-month-old baby who needs a fair amount of attention. And more attention these days than before, as she's always getting herself stuck with her half-baked non-crawling.

I need that child-free time because I've made a huge decision, one that will kick off the most monstrous construction project of my life (let's hope). After meeting with another new architect today, and receiving a proposal from the fabulous architect I met with last week, it's a no-brainer. The fabulous one gets it. After Dave and I both actually read her proposal (no quick scanning!), I'll sign it and write the first of many, many checks for this project. EE-Yayyy!

And not a moment too soon. I'm getting very cranky about having to get on my hands and knees with a flashlight to pry out a muffin tin from the tiny little hole that serves as my baking pan storage.

7/24/07

7/23/07 Gabriel reads a book

Tonya is closed this week, so Julian is doing a half-day one-week day camp at the Y. He was looking forward to it, and was just fine when I dropped him off, and chatting happily with a new friend at lunch when I picked him up. He had a great time, and now Gabriel wants to go to day camp too!

What a relief to drop Julian off and get the boys separated.

Last weekend, Dave and I bought two kid-books with the intent of them being Gabriel-readable. After some debate, we got him two "Level 2" books, which are roughly guidelined to be "I can read with help." Within that, they vary widely; and the "Small Pig" story is far more substantial than the goofy Thomas-the-Tank-Engine stories (which I'm starting to get very tired of!).

This morning, Gabriel read both books without stopping, carefully studying each page, reading each word aloud slowly and clearly. Not only did he read almost all the words, but he understood the stories too. Best of all, he really liked sitting down and reading a new story himself. It's time to get this kid a library card!

Later in the day, after we picked up Julian, Gabriel read both books again to Julian. Julian really needed to finish his lunch before nap, but I didn't have the heart to insist when they were both so absorbed in the new stories.

Meantime, Katrina practiced her non-crawling mobility skills. Though she'll take one barely-credible crawl step, she hasn't really made all fours a way of getting from one place to another. She ends up sliding to her tummy and then rolling around on her back. What happened to infant girls hitting physical milestones sooner?!

Calm Mom took a brief hiatus today, as I lost my temper with the boys three times today. Now that I do that a lot less, the triggers are clearer. And almost all of the trouble centers around the boys' nonstop, if loving, harassment of their baby sister.

For every time I sit Katrina down in the family room, I have to tell the boys numerous times to stop: stop putting things in her face, stop taking toys away, stop giving her toys with tiny pieces, stop cupping their hands and shouting in her ear, stop grabbing her hands, stop stepping on her feet, stop running cars over her head, stop jumping over her, stop running in circles around her, stop pushing her, stop this, stop that, STOP EVERYTHING AND JUST LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!!

The "numerous times" part is a problem. Should I shorten the escalation cycle each time? It starts with warning, kick him (usually Julian) off the rug, then to the living room, then to his room; each time with a warning first and then the consequence. Again and again and again. I don't want to send him straight to his room for grabbing her feet, but by the 10th time in the day, I have no patience left for warning/consequence-1/warning/consequence-2/warning/consequence-3 etc.

Oh boy, will I be happy when Katrina can stick up for herself a little more. She'll never be a match for her rambunctious older brothers, but she won't always be quite as helpless as she is now.

Betsy says her kids mostly ignore their baby brother...break my heart! I can't imagine!! Protecting helpless baby from her overzealous brothers is a nonstop source of anxiety for me.

Yesterday (Sunday) morning, instead of sleeping late and then making a big bang-up breakfast for the family (which I love to do), I got up uber-early and ran in the Wharf-to-Wharf 10K instead. And today, no trace of a Monday Migraine. None!! Do you know how rare it is not to even feel a headache brewing?! That's huge! What the heck is going on Sunday mornings?!

7/23/07

7/22/07 Wharf-to-Wharf

Today I ran in the HUGE Wharf-to-Wharf 10K race, from Santa Cruz to Capitola!

Well, sort of ran. It is a very popular race, and was very very crowded. I was there with Sonia, her husband Tom, her two boys in the jogging stroller, and another of Sonia's running pals, a statuesque Englishwoman named Lynne. We all stuck together for the first 2/3 of the race, but since it was SO crowded, it was impossible to get the jogging stroller through the throngs of walkers and trotters that made up most of the crowd around us. The runners were long gone. Usually it's courtesy for strollers to go last, but if you have actual runners pushing it, they're not going to do much running. Tom and Sonia traded off pushing the stroller, but anytime there was any sort of uphill, the whole crowd slowed and we'd have no way to get through and would be back to walking.

After a time, my hips started to ache from all the walking/trotting, so I told Sonia I was going to pick up the pace and meet them at the finish (we'd arranged a meeting place). Lynne did too, so we ran together.

Together?! I was in for the ride of my life!! Holy Cow!!

Lynne is a serious athlete, and her normal pace is very, very fast. I was at a sprinting pace right away trying to keep up with her, while she appeared to be relaxed and hardly out of breath.

We immediately started threading our way through the crowd, dodging walkers, scooting through gaps, weaving back and forth looking for ways through, passing tens of people with each few strides. Often, a window would close just after she made it through, so I'd have to put in an extra blast to catch her again. In the short unobstructed stretches, I was pumping hard just to stay with her.

By the last mile, I was about spent, but still determined to keep up her pace, despite her kind offers to slow down. But eventually it was too much, so I called to her and ask how much longer...just half a mile. I put my head down and coached myselt to stick it out. I've been through worse! Think sand traps. Think steep, dusty, rocky uphills on a heavy motorcycle. Panting hard, stitches up and down my entire body, completely wrung out, I flew (well, to me) across the finish line. Lynne was still barely trotting.

What a fun event! The cities close the streets, and onlookers line the course, spraying water on the runners, and many people set up bands or other entertainment along the course. I've never seen a bagpipe band before! The event ended in Capitola, a charming little town with a very nice beach. We also had fabulous weather, which in Santa Cruz in July means, it wasn't foggy or cold. And, of course, spending time with friends and making new ones. I like the running crowd.

My only complaint is that the actual running was hard because it was so crowded, and the fun venue attracts...well, non-runners. Which, I still insist I am, but I still like to actually run. Or gasp for breath behind real runners.

But I nitpick...it was a wonderful morning in a beautiful place with great people, and in the end, more running than I could have imagined.

Meantime, Dave did so well with all three kids alone this morning that he actually took them all to Bobbi's -- by himself!

Before you're too impressed with that, remember that for Dave, sitting down and being served food is much easier than making it at home. He got away with this partly because the boys were well-behaved, and also partly because Katrina is just full of joy, especially for any new situation that involves new people to beam at.

And, Katrina's food repertoire has expanded to the point that there are now only a few things I won't give her, rather than only a few things that I do. Breakfast food is especially easy: she had scrambled eggs, pancake and toast at Bobbi's.

(A note on the eggs: I know she's not supposed to have whites, or yolks, I always forget which, until 12 months old. But my nephew Aidan's experience with food allergies "enriches" my perspective. Case in point: eggs. Aidan was allergic to eggs. Avoiding the the white or the yolk wouldn't have made any difference. Meantime, pancakes and pasta are on the OK list, but Aidan reacted to them. So the advice to avoid part of an egg, when they're exposed to whole eggs in many other foods, seems silly to me. Perhaps it's a quantity thing. But if you're allergic to eggs, you're allergic to even a small amount; and if you're not, you're not. Katrina isn't. And she LOVES scrambled eggs.)

Oh yeah, one more thing about the 10K. They ran out of size Small T-shirts, so I got a Large, for Dave to wear. I wish they'd give out kids' sizes.

I'm going to sleep well tonight!

7/22/07

7/21/07 An afternoon out

Dave and I went to downtown Los Gatos this afternoon, shopped, had dinner at The California Cafe (outstanding!). Peggy had no trouble with all 3, as usual.

Very early start tomorrow morning for me -- I'm running in the Wharf-to-Wharf 10K race in Santa Cruz. It's supposed to be a great time!

7/21/07

7/20/07 Free Friday

I like having nothing scheduled to do on Fridays. Though, that can lead to...doing nothing.

It's not like there is any shortage of things to do. The Las Madres Cupertino 2004 group has a playdate. The Cupertino 2006 group has a playdates. My favorite long-time weights class is at noon, at my old gym. And there are frequently special events or friends looking for playdates.

But with a twice-a-day napping baby, I like never having to rush the beginning of a nap, or prematurely ending one. I like being able to follow impulses, stretch out a good moment, not be stuck with weird slices of time too short to start something new, but too long not to do anything.

So today, all we did was go to the Y and Whole Foods between baby's two naps. Grocery-shopping with the boys wasn't much fun; they were constantly pushing the limits and being rambunctious and obnoxious. One woman looked at me sympathetically as the boys were throwing themselves on the floor shouting "BUTT BUTT PEE PEE!!" and said, "at least you got your girl!" For once, I agreed. It was hard not to be grateful for Katrina, sitting so peacefully and sweetly and adorably in the cart, while the boys spun in circles.

So after naps (everyone's nap -- all three at once, whee-haw!) we took some photos outside. It's been a while since I got a shot of all three, though it was hard to get Julian to cooperate.




The boys spent some time picking flowers..."for you Mom!"

Happily, two mornings in a row of 7am baby wakeup. Yay!

7/19/07 Training

Whew. Navigational error led to a much longer run than I'd meant tonight. But Upper Wildcat Canyon was absolutely lovely. All told, over 7 miles. Guess I'm ready for a 10K this Sunday.

8) Parking -> Lower Meadow (SW) -> Farm -> Rogue Valley ->
Upper Rogue Valley (w) -> Upper Rogue Valley (E) ->
Upper High Meadow (W) -> Upper Wildcat Canyon (SW -> E) ->
Wildcat Loop Trail (NE) -> Coyote -> Equestrian Parking -> Parking

Results for route: 1EF3MLKR6STUWV21
Route Miles Up  Down
  1E  0.30   15    0
  EF  0.54   40    0
  F3  0.17   30    0
  3M  0.31   25    0
  ML  0.69  125    0
  LK  0.51   75    0
  KR  1.00  400    0
  R6  0.32   60    0
  6S  1.37    0  450
  ST  0.12    0   20
  TU  0.53    0  180
  UW  0.25   50    0
  WV  0.67  120    0
  V2  0.51    0  195
  21  0.29   30    0

Total Distance = 7.58 Miles, 970 feet of climbing

Met with another architect today. Nice guy, positive, open. I'm glad to have the problem of two good choices. But unless there are any horrible surprises in the architects' proposals, I'm pretty sure I know who we'll use.

Also saw the "headache clinic" psychologist today, to talk about lifestyle triggers for migraines. I didn't like him at all. He was looking for low-hanging fruit, and sounded almost like he was reading from a script. Lots of canned, even silly advice, and glossing over the big things (like the newly emerged pattern of Monday Migraines). Some focus on the obvious that I don't get enough sleep now, though no explanation for the first 25 years of migraines. He so wanted to me to say that the little daily things in life stress me out and cause migraines, but overall, I rated my life as pretty low-stress. Sure is easy to see it that way when all kids are in daycare! But really, a putzy 3-year-old isn't true stress. Cancer, bankruptcy, divorce -- that's stress.

I fended off a migraine last Monday with an Imitrex, and have been headache-free all week! What a difference!!!

But now, after tonight's run, the rest of me is pretty achy. In a good way. Ah.

7/19/07

7/18/07 "Katrina can crawl!"

"Katrina can crawl!"

So announced a very proud older brother (Julian) to all the workers at Gabriel's daycare/daycamp today.

Well, sort of crawl. It's the very bare minimum you'd call crawling, but I think she's met my criteria of moving all four limbs, before sliding to her tummy and reaching out for whatever it is she's aiming for.

Like this:


Dresses on babies don't make a lot of sense, especially on crawlers. And overly pink ones with gag-me-now cutesy sayings are so not my thing. But, I put this on Katrina today to take a photo for a thank-you note, and I have to admit, it's cute on her.


But it's also going to have to get put away, as she was kneeling/stepping on it.


Tonight Gabriel was faced with a new force: Calm Mom.

He got in trouble at dinner for scratching his fork along the table, and was escorted out of the dining room and told to sit at the kitchen counter. You know, the "natural consequence" that Positive Parenting assumes ends an encounter.

Of course, with Gabriel, it only starts there.

He got up without asking to be excused, then deflected an instruction to go sit back down by doing it so slowly that he essentially wasn't doing it. He got a warning, failed that, then ran down a countdown (defiantly declaring, "countdowns don't work on me!"). So then, The Consequence was implemented: his trains got put away.

You should have heard the hollering -- I'm sure our neighbors did. But this time, the only hollering came from him as he begged and cried for his trains: "I'M SITTING! I'M SITTING!! I'M BEING GOOD!!! NOOOO! STOP!!! STOOOOPPPP!!!!" He seemed downright rattled watching his two parents silently -- yes silently packing up his favorite toy and putting it into the garage. But as he did his utmost to get a reaction, nothing.

Naturally in Gabriel-land, things are far from over. (Take that, Positive Parenting.)

Within minutes, he had gone to the garage to rescue his trains. He was busted and escorted to his room immediately -- but he went, and with little physical force required on my part. He screamed and hurled insults, but he was actually more compliant than usual, and all I had to do was hold his hand up the stairs, instead of prying him off the banisters.

With each escalation, I'm thinking, "Oh, YEAH! Game's UP, kid!! This sh*t is working!! Cool!"

Once in his room, newly-empowered-Mom kneeled and talked to him for a few minutes. I recognized his rage and frustration, and listened to him declare indignantly how unfair it was. Following Positive Parenting instructions, I said things like, "Seems really unfair, doesn't it? Kids have to do what grownups say. I know, that makes you mad. Well, here's the way to get your trains back. Tomorrow, you...(etc)." I didn't back down, didn't draw it out, just let him express himself, reminded him what he'd done wrong, and told him I was sure he'd do it right the next time. He needed the attention and acknowledgement.

But, not done yet.

He demanded a time until he had to stay in his room, as usual trying to open the door for another fight ("No Mom, 15 minutes is TOO LONG, I'm only staying for TEN"), but I didn't react or tell him, "You stay here or ELSE..." More insults, threats and claims of disobedience as I walked downstairs. But he stayed.

We both knew: I'd won.

Hah! Yay!

Julian met up with Calm Mom yesterday too, but he crumpled almost immediately. Oh my, did he cry and hug me hard when I got him out of time-out. His attempts to imitate Gabriel's resistance are downright comical. Annoying, to be sure, but he just wasn't born with the backbone for the full-on knock-down drag-outs that his older brother can dish out. But maybe it's thanks to older brother that I'm finding new backbone too.

I've tried all this before. What's different now? I'm not sure. Nine days of migraine then getting scary sick made me stop and think a lot, about many things.

I think I'm more motivated because I know they won't respect me if I lose my temper, and that there will come a time -- not too far off -- that they will be more physically powerful than me, and I need to establish that respect now. Some nice boosts and tips from Betsy have helped, as have watching how my sister calmly deflects most indiscretions. And, of course, SuperNanny's sound bite: stay calm, you'll have more control.

Maybe it's also that I've reconciled that Positive Parenting techniques aren't necessarily mutually exclusive of more traditional methods, even if Positive Parenting thinks so. Its stance against spanking seems to assume that parents spank as a matter of course, as a first response, and that merely distracting a toddler is a comparable course of action. But few parents want to spank, and only do so when they feel there's no alternative. Positive Parenting rules it out entirely, offering alternatives that are sound, but only useful at a much lower escalation level.

So I'm not taking a whack on the bottom out of the escalation chain -- I'm just adding links to that chain before it gets to that. Knowing that the "tool," if you will, of a smart smack is still ultimately available, turns positive parenting into the first (and 2nd and 3rd and nth) line of defense, rather than the only one. That takes the pressure off. And so Calm Mom has been born.

Can I keep this up? It's only been a few days -- headache-free ones, in fact. The real test is when the inevitable migraine returns. Or I might have just hit a patch when the stars are aligned properly and the boys are just being agreeable.

Certainly Julian took his sweet pill this morning, giving everyone (even a mock-reluctant Gabriel) a hug and kiss before parting ways this morning. When Julian wants to be amiable and adorable, there's no stopping him. I just love that boy.

And speaking of no stopping, those boys are gonna learn fast to put stuff away, because here comes baby!

7/18/07

7/17/07 The Architect

Today I had a meeting with an architect who could be someone I'd meet at a Las Madres event. She has two small kids and parents right in my neighborhood who watch them, and works partly from home, and mostly on her own hours.

But aside from relating to potty-training issues, I was blown away by her competence, her professionalism, her practicality, her attention to detail, her knowledge, the questions she asked, the ideas she offered, the positive attitude, her organized and clear approach to the whole process. Now this is more like it! No resistance, no offering red-herring ideas, no know-it-all attitude. Finally, a break. I'm looking forward to this project all of a sudden!

I'm meeting with another architect this coming Thursday, and if he's better, it'll be a miracle. Exactly what this house needs. But I think this house's miracle was found today.

Yesterday, Gabriel asked me, "Where does the universe end?"

I don't know about the universe, but I can answer that the world ends when your baby consistently wakes up around 6am. Which Katrina did again today. Without the crows. Ouch.

Looks like I'm training for a 10K after all, this coming Sunday. When will I ever "train" more than a week ahead of time?! Tonight I squeaked in a run at Rancho San Antonio, but these night squeaks are going to end soon. The sun setting earlier makes a serious difference. I like the hills, it's like interval training and doesn't let you get into too much of a lull. Yeah, no lulls needed around here, right?

Kids all in daycare today (otherwise productive 2.5-hour meeting with architect would never have happened!), boys surprisingly well-behaved tonight. And so was I.

7/17/07

p.s. Tonight's route:

6) Parking -> Lower Meadow (SW) -> Mora -> Ravensbury ->
Chamise (W) -> Rogue Valley (E) -> Farm -> Coyote ->
Equestrian Parking -> Parking

Results for route: 1EF8HJ7LM3UWV21
Route Miles Up  Down
  1E  0.30   15    0
  EF  0.54   40    0
  F8  0.60  255   30
  8H  0.37    0  110
  HJ  0.05   10    0
  J7  0.60  120    0
  7L  0.20    0   75
  LM  0.69    0  125
  M3  0.31    0   25
  3U  0.15   20    0
  UW  0.25   50    0
  WV  0.67  120    0
  V2  0.51    0  195
  21  0.29   30    0

Total Distance = 5.53 Miles, 660 feet of climbing

7/16/07 Marvelous Monday

I couldn't believe I heard myself tell Dave when he got home today, "We've been having a really good day." I brace myself for Mondays, when I have all 3 kids and so often, a migraine, but today was relaxed and full of fun.

I need to learn to write less. I have blog bog. It's really not necessary to run down the whole day, every day, is it? Seems it is, to me. So today I'm trying short sections. As always, I fail on the "short" part.

The Lunch Menu

Harvest Grain Chicken Salad...A savory blend of Israeli-style couscous, orzo, baby garbanzo beans, and red quinoa, simmered in chicken broth, with diced chicken bits sauteed in teriyaki.

Black forest Ham and Alpine Lace swiss cheese, with a smattering of organic mayonnaise, on seven-grain bread.

Would you believe, this was Katrina's lunch today?

The grains and chicken were dinner leftovers, and the ham-and-cheese sandwich was what Gabriel didn't finish from his lunch. After Katrina devoured the grains and chicken, I spooned off baby-bite-size slices from Gabriel's sandwich. She LOVED the ham and cheese sandwich!

I stopped making baby food for Julian when he was 11 months old. Looks like I'll be putting away my blender even sooner this time.

Scrapbooking as the Key to Better Parenting

I might have got it now. A confluence of events have greatly improved things around here: a few bad blowouts with Gabriel, getting so sick life stopped dead in its tracks, thinking more about the "positive parenting" techniques, and reciting stay calm, you'll have more control.

I've really been working at being more consistent, giving ONE warning, and without raising or sternifying my voice, to avoid default reactions. I know the big fight is always around the corner, but if the approach is different, maybe I can find a path around it.

And I think I see an improvement! Even the biggest bugaboo, washing hands before dinner, is going better. I stop what I'm doing, kneel down, pull the boys together, and then tell them very clearly with full attention, "It's now time to go pee and wash hands before dinner. Let's do this without screaming, without countdowns, without any putzing around, OK?" I do still have to remind them, but as long as I'm willing to accept some playing on the way to the bathroom, three nights in a row, they've both ended up doing this without much trouble.

Same thing with them bugging Katrina, another serious trigger for me, as mothers' hackles tend to rise when their baby is being swarmed. ONE warning, then they have to get off the rug, then to the living room, then to their room; and each time, I make it sound like I too am sad that they have to go, rather than talking sternly to them. I don't know yet if they respond better without me yelling, but I sure feel better.

Thinking about it, even though I might have "good" reasons why it's harder for me (short-tempered nature, chronic migraines, Gabriel), it doesn't matter to them. A grade of B with an excuse just isn't as good as an A, fair or not. The boyfriend who misses your birthday with a "good reason" just isn't the same as the one who got there. There really are no excuses. One way or another, their experience is what matters, regardless of my reasons behind it. A 3-year-old doesn't care about migraines. He cares about a strong, in-control mother.

So what does that have to do with scrapbooking?

For some time now, any baby-free time I've had, I've felt like I have to spend it working: dealing with the house remodel, my Dad's affairs, our own logistics. And, when I have had some time, a headache puts a serious damper on free-flowing ideas. But there's no getting around it, I need a creative outlet, the chance to concentrate, to produce, explore, create. Most of my life my creative urges have manifested themselves in textiles and writing, but now I have paper crafting too.

Last Friday, I was too sick to do much else, so I sat and did some scrapbooking. I can't believe how much better I feel for having done my monthly "photo album" page for May, rearranged a scattered and hastily assembled old photo album, and started a few decorative projects.

These are not indulgences. They're necessary for sanity and happiness -- and additional patience for little children. I'm not going to underestimate that again.

Planets by Gabriel

A few days ago, I pulled out some paints to paint a cheap picture frame (still hasn't happened of course). Gabriel saw this and got it in his head to paint, so I found some kid watercolors, set him up in our makeshift craft area (I love my two $2.99 vinyl tablecloths for this) and let him at it.

He was so proud of the result that he bugged me for two days to frame it. So today I had him write the title, his name and the date on the back, then I stuck it in one of those cheap acrylic box frames, with two sheets of colored paper behind it.

And I love it!

I've been lamenting the lack of artwork around here, and not only am I thrilled to have some homegrown decoration, but I genuinely like it. It's abstract and colorful, a painting of the sun and planets.

Gabriel said today that when he grows up, he's going to be an artist. Well, this is the first sign in that direction, and I'd be very proud. Surprised, to be sure, but very proud!

Crawl to stand

Katrina is still sooo close to her first crawl step. She gets on all fours, rocks, gets three out of four limbs moving, then slides to her tummy and reaches her arm out, scratching her fingers towards whatever it is she's trying to get to. Everything but a crawl.


Now, she's adding standing to that. I can stand her against something, and she'll hold up for a few seconds. And now, she's trying to pull herself up. Long ways off, but it's another little smidgeon of progress. Go baby go!


Swim class

Our only outing (yay) today was Julian and Katrina's swim class. It's official: I have a cryer. Katrina is fine in the water until teacher Gina comes over, at which point her face scrunches up and she bursts into her squeaky, high-pitched cry.

So today we tried me moving away completely while Gina worked with Katrina. Predictably, she calmed right down until she saw me again.

Then if I snuck around really fast, I could try to get a photo of Gina and Julian and Katrina before baby saw me and started to cry. Not easy. This was the best I could do.

Meantime, I got to take photos of Julian "diving" into the water. He had a great time today. He's much more confident now, so swim class is all fun for him now, even if he spends a lot of it spinning in the water, lost.

Watching Julian swim and remembering how Gabriel was at his age is a perfect snapshot of the differences in their personalities. Gabriel was so directed, he jumped in and purposefully made it to the other side. Julian is more random; he jumps in happily now, but sometimes makes it, other times plays around, other times just spins around and seems to forget what he was doing.


Gabriel insisted on another photo of all three of them with their monogrammed towels. The problem with the last photo, he said, was that he wasn't sitting next to Katrina. "That wasn't fair Mom." Julian insisted that their names show.

I see my concept of short sections has only served to lengthen this entry. I've got to do something about this. Then again, a calm and peaceful day deserves the extra inches.

7/16/07

7/15/07 The crows are the culprit

Seasonally, we get visits from huge flocks of crows who swarm nearby trees, squawk their heads off for about 5 minutes, then fly away. One such flock is doing this on the west side of our house every morning -- at daybreak. Just long enough to wake up Katrina. Then we're all up.

By the way, daybreak is just before 6am. I know this. Three mornings in a row I know this. Those darned birds!


I took the boys to the Cupertino Fountains today, planning to take Katrina tooo, but at the last minute, she needed nap#2 for the day. The boys really needed to get out, and I sensed that Dave really needed to get them out.

It was nice to have some time alone with them. I ran around with them for a while, including "racing" across a lawn. I'm mean. I don't let them win.

While there, I asked Gabriel to read a sign posted by the fountains, just to see if he could. And, other than reading "safety" as "safely," he read the whole thing, uncoached.

Drat, the audio sucks (windy), but the sign says...

...well, I'll tell you what the sign says, the same way I tried to tell Dave about it. I told Dave:

Me: "He totally read a sign that said, 'Please no pets or....darn, what did that sign say...oh yeah, for health and safely -- "
Dave: "Safely?"
Me: "Well, that's how he read 'safety'. Umm, oh yeah, 'Please no pets or..."
Gabriel: "No pets or other animals in the fountain area!"
Me (stunned): "!! Oh! Yes, that IS what the sign said!"
Gabriel: "No Mom, you forgot: 'For public health and safely [sic], please no pets or other animals in the fountain area.'"
Me (speechless): "...duhhhhh..."

I was going to say I was impressed that he could read it, but remember it?? Considering how much of day-to-day life 5-year-olds forget....! (like putting shoes away). And a little concerned that I couldn't remember it.

Katrina woke up from her afternoon nap too early again, so I decided to make the most of the afternoon and take her running. This time, I headed north to the bay, hoping to find a flat unpaved trail suitable for a jogging stroller. And I did -- there are loops off the S.F. Bay trail that go around some water treatment ponds in Sunnyvale. The idea was that it would be an easy re-introduction back to exercise after that downright scary 24 hours when I was so, so sick.

(I go quickly through some yoga poses before and after running, it's the best way to stretch without a bar or mat, I find.)

But there was one element I hadn't counted on: wind. Whew! Not the same kind of toughness as the steep hills at Rancho San Antonio, but definitely harder to get through pushing a jogging stroller with a huge canopy that acts as a sail.


Windy and sunny meant the canopy was down over Katrina for most of the run. I'd check her sometimes and find her hat down over her face, but most of the time, I'd peek under the canopy and be greeted by a beamy sunshiny smile. She loves to get outside.

Though overall I prefer the wooded -- and yes, hilly! -- trails at Rancho San Antonio, this was a nice contrast. It's also a wonderful area for seeing birdlife. Nice quiet birds.

7/15/07

7/14/07 Coffee Morning

This morning, I met with my Mom friends to see one off us before she joins the 3's club in August with her 3rd boy (~pang~). It was a lovely day to sit outside and catch up, see another friend's adorable sleepy (ah for those days!) just-brought-home baby. It's amazing, we were all shellshocked new moms together around 5 years ago, and now our firstborns are all going to kindergarten...and now, four of us have gone full circle back into baby mode.

I walked around downtown Los Gatos for a little while, and came across a store called The Running Factory. It was crowded, so I had no temptation to shop, but it was on a busy courtyard in which people were pre-registering for a popular half-marathon called The Jungle Run, that's tomorrow. I've heard of it, sounds neat, but half-marathon? Out of my league.

But wait! Turns out, there's a 10K route too. HMMM! 10K? Tomorrow??!

What awful timing -- I'd certainly have signed up today if I'd hadn't just been flattened by illness. Yesterday morning I couldn't even stand up. Maybe next year.

I wandered into a baby clothes boutique, perfect for browsing but awful for actually buying, as even the stuff on sale is far too special-purpose and expensive. Then I picked up a decorative hook rack at one of those antique stores that sells a lot of new things -- something I tell myself never to buy unless I have a specific purpose in mind for it, which I don't.

I had high hopes for BabyGap, but got caught in an intersection of between-season inventory doldrums and their sizing twilight zone. Toddler stuff too short; kid stuff too big. And most of their T-shirts were plastered with goofy logos. I must be the only Mom who discovers mid-summer that their kids need more T-shirts. Somehow, the rest of the pack knew back in January and bought them all.

A nice morning acting like a grownup (keyword there is "act") gave me some extra buffer to deal with my little brood at home.

I do attempt the positive-parenting techniques. Tonight, one sort of worked, and led to an unexpected demonstration of Gabriel's reading skills.

To distract Gabriel from bugging Katrina, Julian, Dave and everyone within a 10-mile radius, I got him to "help" me with dinner by "reading" me a recipe. For fun, I asked him to tell me how much garlic I needed. Could he find "garlic" just from my saying the world aloud? "Mom! Two cloves garlic min-sed...oh, I've never heard of min-sed, Mom." I wasn't counting on him to find "garlic," let alone read "cloves" or make a darned good attempt at "minced." I tried again with "onion," which after I spelled for him, he found with: "three-quarters chopped onions!" I don't know where he fits on the reading-ability scale for preschooled kindergarteners, it might be quite comment, but good for him no matter what.

(Julian too surprised me the other day, while I was reading him one of Katrina's baby books. I read, "This isn't my bunny -- its tail is too rough." Julian scanned the page and asked, "Where's the 'f'? " Good question! I've always thought there should be one too!)

A funny Gabriel moment tonight, again in context of language learning. Somehow he came up with that some words are things, and others words you do, and likes to point out that a word is one or the other. So I've taken that one step further and told him they're called nouns and verbs, and quiz him on those. Teaching parts of speech is easily extended to adjectives, so tonight we talked about adjectives in context of Katrina: "Is she....funny? goofy? hungry? noisy?" He got into coming up with his own adjectives for her: "Messy! Sweet!"

Then I asked him what he'd call me. After a pause, he answered, "Nice." Aww. "Aww, that's nice, Gabriel," I said, touched. Still glowing from this unexpected praise, he then said, "'Nice' and 'nice' are the same word." ? "Um, yes they are, Gabriel...so what?" He explained, "You said 'That's nice' when I said you were nice. Nice and nice are the same word."

Oh. So they are. Adjectives, in fact. Apparently years of usage of those words...there, I did it again -- that word in different contexts and I didn't even notice the repetition. Nothing like a fresh -- and literal -- and utterly impassive -- perspective to stop you dead in your tracks.

Katrina...what happened to my fuss-free baby? She actually cried for no apparent reason today. AND has woken up at 6am two mornings in a row. Harrumph! She needed more attention than usual today, getting fussy quickly.

A lot of it seems to be frustration at trying to crawl, which she gets a tiny shade better at every day. In fact, it's possible today she took her first crawl step, if you count being on all fours and pulling yourself an inch forward as a crawl step.

She pulled it out for the bath, as usual. I think she's responding to the word "Splash!", spoken playfully, because she...well, take a look at this video:

All babies splash in tubs, but she seems to think it's extra fun to do when Mom says, "Heeyyy, I'm getting soaked!" and encourages "Splash!". I mean, it really does seem like she's doing it as a game she recognizes when I say "Splash!"


It almost looks like her hair is starting to grow in a pale blonde. I'll be sorry to see the reddish color go.

Random funny kid comment: Julian last night, coming downstairs after bedtime:
"Mommy, I'm scared of something in my room!"
"What, Julian?"
"The dark!" (turns out their nightlight had burnt out).

OK gang, evvverybody stay in bed tonight...and tomorrow morning!

7/14/07

7/13/07 A day of rest

It was not looking good this morning.

Katrina woke us up at 6am, unusual for her these days, but still painful. Though I'd slept soundly all night and most of yesterday afternoon, I got up with chills and wasn't able to stand for more than a few minutes without feeling like I was going to pass out again. I've come to recognize a sure sign of that now: a sound like rattlesnakes in my ears.

And, we hadn't found a sitter for the day, and Dave had oral surgery scheduled for the afternoon.

Fortunately, at the last minute (in childcare time it was last minute), everything pulled together. Collins CDC was able to take Gabriel all day, and Tonya, bless her heart, soul and body, was able to take Katrina all day.

But I was still far too weak to handle Julian, who by himself without any siblings to bug or be bugged by, is the world's easiest and most self-reliant 3-year-old. So Dave stayed home today, partly to watch me since I was still so, so sick; and to take care of Julian. We chanced it that I'd be better by the afternoon to take care of Julian.

And indeed, that happened. I slept until almost noon, then very tenderly started to feel out what I could do. Slowly I was clean, dressed and standing for over 10 minutes at a time. Dave took Julian out to lunch, then we got him down for a nap, and Dave went to his oral surgery without incident.

Julian was actually fine, and probably really enjoyed this little attention windfall -- Mom and Dad all to himself all day! Dad got to rest on the couch (see note above about 6am baby wakeup time) while Julian quietly colored, then they did some puzzles together. In fact, I think Dave really benefitted from an overall quiet day at home, and some very pleasant time with Julian being his utmost sweet.

It's truly astounding how easy one child is.

Two days in a row of no baby made me sad. I took this photo of Katrina this morning just so I could see her today.

I guess that answers the question about going back to work when she's a year old. Even though I'm really not a "baby mom," it's still very hard to be away from a 9-month-old baby. They change every day, and it will only be a few months before she starts asserting herself and our relationship changes to where I need to start gently disciplining her too. There's no adversity, no conflict with a baby. We both find that very refreshing.

Tonight as Katrina was babbling herself to sleep, I could have sworn she was singing. Her "blah blah blahs" had some rhythm to them. Wouldn't that be amazing.

Having been so completely incapacitated for a day was something of a welcome break, in retrospect. A break from day-to-day stresses, from keeping track of a thousand details, from pursuing lingering projects. But just exactly what is it that I always have to do? It certainly isn't cleaning, laundry, errands or bills -- being constantly behind on those doesn't bother me!

No, it's this house. Our house is very crude, very unfinished, in desperate need of decoration and modern fittings. Visiting Sonia's finished house this week gave me a hint of what it'd be like to find your surroundings peaceful and relaxing, instead of a thousand projects screaming out at you from every unpainted wall. The absence of pleasant aesthetics here weighs on me all the time, insidiously. The absence of good function has always loaded me down. I don't need to live in a museum, but I'm long overdue for more than "one step above a college dorm."

Dave's out getting take-out sushi. Dinner, what a concept. He needs something mushy because of his oral surgery, and I need something light because this will be my first "meal" in 2.5 days (though I have been nibbling today). Out of curiosity, I weighed myself on our crummy $10 scale that I use for weighing UPS packages: 102. I haven't seen that in years. I'm never going to weigh myself again because it'll certainly be much higher next time.

After not eating for 2.5 days, my "diastasis recti" tummy is in a rare, and very temporary, state of flat. Apparently that's what happens with herniated intestines (blah) -- once they're truly empty, they don't stick out. But the spare tire will spring back after just one or two maguro nigiri.

As long as I'm complaining, I HATE slicing fingertips. Aside from being painful, it takes days to heal, it's hard to handle objects, hard to cover with a band-aid, then as it's healing there's always this flap of skin that catches on stuff.

Another random observation: as sick as I was, I'd almost prefer that over another day of migraine. I went straight from a 9-day bout of headaches to being horribly sick, so the contrast was quite clear. Despite intense stomach pain, fever, chills, achy, faintness, my mind was clear. I could think, I could put sentences together, I could remember things, I could track time. With a headache, I have the strength to exercise, I can stand for an hour at a time, I can drive and appear to basically function. But the migraine scrambles my brains. I mix up words as I'm reading a book. I make easy spelling mistakes (and I do not make spelling mistakes!). I can't remember if a phone call happened this morning or last week. I can't concentrate.

Even though Dave doesn't have to stay home from work when I have a migraine (and some migraine spouses do), I'd rather get physically ill and retain my mind. Then again, physical incapacity and lack of exercise make me insane. Hmm. Seems there's no winning this one!

Ahh, I hear the sound of sushi being unpacked. That will soothe the body and mind.

7/13/07

7/12/07Sick as a dog

(Where does that expression come from, anyway? Poor dog!)

Day "off" today from kids, but completely wasted with getting really, really sick. Stomach flu-like pain, nausea, temperature, and then to cap it off, I passed out tonight too. Fortunately it was mild and slow enough that I felt it coming and made it to a bed, though I don't remember getting to the bed, and it's a very very strange and unpleasant experience.

I called Tonya to ask about her taking Julian and Katrina tomorrow; she could take Julian all day and Katrina half-day. Close enough. But...then Julian threw up tonight. No daycare for him.

The only reason I'm up now is waiting for a call back from Danielle to see if she can come help us tomorrow. I'm in no shape to care for three children.

What a way to end a migraine headache!

7/12/07

7/11/07 Wise Words

"Stay calm -- you'll have more control."

Some good words from SuperNanny this week. Ones that hit home, since I've been giving a lot of thought to my furious outbursts, beyond my relief that there are no SuperNanny cameras to capture and publicize my indiscretions.

As a kid, I remember respecting my mother more than my father for discipline issues, since Dad was more likely to lose his temper. Mom is much more even-tempered, didn't yell or lose control, but when she was mad at us, we hopped to. Dad was fallible, Mom the pillar who could do no wrong and whose respect we didn't dare lose. (And that's still the case!)

Unfortunately, I take more after my father than my mother in temperament. And I know that my tendency to lose my temper and raise my voice and slam things will ultimately result in my kids not respecting me. They need me to keep cool.

I wish I could be more like my sister, or like Betsy, both of whom are far calmer and more patient than I am. I've seen both of them gracefully handle situations for which I'd have been teetering on the edge of an ugly outburst. Why can't I be more like them? I try, I observe, but I can't consistently implement.

I can give myself a slight pass on two counts, I guess. For one, Betsy and Stephanie's primo troublemakers are really mostly just mischievous. Curious, envelope-pushing, testing, enterprising, endlessly creative. Oh, I know Gina and Remi can dish it out, and I've seen both their moms get frustrated with them. But both girls fall far short of the out-and-out belligerence, defiance, rudeness and incredible obnoxiousness that is my beloved Gabriel. His astounding lack of contrition and relentless determination, combined with my naturally more volatile personality, makes for a constantly brewing tempest. Julian "the sponge" watches and learns and takes on a lot of his big brother's negative behavior. Still, it is perhaps because of this extraordinary challenge that I especially need to keep control.

Pass #2 comes from the spirit-sapping scourge of migraines. I learned in my Most Miserable pregnancy #3 how chronic pain affects you in so many blatant and subtle ways, and chronic headaches are just the same. They make me very short-tempered and irritable, not just from the presence of intense pain, but also from the absence of the little sanity-preserving breaks from children that one is granted at random times throughout the day. Instead, I spend those times lying down, cringing, desperate for a few scraps of nap to give me a little protection from the pain.

The effect of nonstop pain was underscored today when incredibly, I think this 10-day headache storm finally broke. Last night, it wasn't looking good: as I was drifting off to sleep, violent images flashed through my mind, such as an axe digging into my skull, or a shark grabbing my head in its teeth and shaking me back and forth, or a tower of squares building on top of me and crushing me. Disturbing dreams, being woken up by a new wave of pain, being unbearably tired in the morning -- all collateral damage of migraines (not to mention your 3-year-old's hair). They take away the critical refreshers everyone -- especially moms of Gabriels -- need.

But this morning, I had no choice but to scoot everyone out of the house, because the cleaners were coming. I took Julian and Katrina to the Y, in the hopes Katrina would get a nap there, and to work out for a few minutes. (As it turns out, I spent 20 minutes signing Julian up for a week-long morning daycamp, which he'll do during Tonya's vacation later this month!) Then I did a few half-hearted ab exercises, and then whisked off my mini kit-n-kaboodle to swim class.

And through all this, forgot about The Pain.

Poor Katrina only had a 10-minute nap at the Y, and she was a mess the rest of the day. And what a day to be crying at swim class: Dave stopped by to see them, and all he saw was his little daughter miserable. She took a long nap later, but she cried so hard several times today that she was coughing uncontrollably.

But during Katrina's nap this afternoon, a wonderful thing happened. I didn't try to nap. I read email. I sorted through address labels. I scanned an interesting article. I web-surfed. I sat and chatted with Julian about his treehouse drawing. I made some peach sauce for Katrina. I talked about cashews and moons with Julian. I chilled. I putzed. I relaxed. I enjoyed my son.

Who, after he'd had his fill of Mom's attention, requested his Sesame Street CD, and promptly fell asleep on the floor, a la brother. I guess he needed a nap too, oops.

Then when Katrina woke up, I played a game with her and Julian, in which Julian hid under a blanket and we "looked" for him. All three of us were giggling and laughing and just being silly.

Who's this happy, fun, playful Mom, laughing and enjoying her children? When's the last time I was like that? What's different?

What's different is that I think, I hope, I really hope, I was experiencing a phenomenon I've only recently come to recognize: an odd burst of energy at the end of a migraine. It's like whatever resources my body summons to finally oust the headache go into overdrive, leaving me briefly inspired, optimistic and full of energy and cheer.

Or maybe it's just that I decided to have some caffeinated coffee.

Whatever it was, it made for a pleasant -- even delightful -- afternoon, even though Katrina was really at her worst. Poor thing, something was bothering her, though I never figured out what. She went right to sleep after crying through her bath tonight (she never ever cries in the bath anymore!), so I think she was just really really tired. Missing a morning nap really messes up the whole day.

Here she is really, really, really trying to crawl, and getting frustrated (unlike her, but again, it was a bad day for her):

(There's Julian in the background playing with his adorable Ryan's Room Clubhouse, a perfect birthday gift from Bonne Maman and Papa Paul last year.)

Stay calm, you'll have more control, says SuperNanny, who I watched say that while nursing Katrina before dinner. I was inspired and enlightened and newly determined to keep my cool, soberly remembering my own perceptions of my parents.

But then came the excruciating nightly ritual of prying the boys out of the backyard to come into dinner.

First, the heads-up: "Almost time for dinner!" A few minutes later, "It's time to come in now!" I give them a few minutes to transition, park their bicycles....nothing. First warning. Nothing. Next warning, said very clearly, "If I have to come back out to get you again, I'm locking the bicycles in the garage."

That sort of worked: Gabriel came in, but then was drawn back outside to warn Julian of the danger ("Mom's really going to do it!"). Cool. But then, he got distracted out back, then found one excuse after another not to come in, and once again, I found myself going outside numerous times to get them to come in. Very annoying while I'm trying to serve dinner (Dave was 100% occupied with a miserable baby).

Then it quickly devolved: I started to put the bikes away. Gabriel hurled blood-chilling hate words at me and slammed a door. He got timed out upstairs, refused to go, I had to drag him, he slammed another door and said more unacceptable things. Spank. Meantime, Julian is still putzing around outside. Resolve is out the window, and I am livid, glaring, shouting, blood pressure skyrocketing, situation out of control. Please, turn off those cameras.

It seems obvious what I should have done. After the warning about locking up their bicycles, I should have immediately followed through and done that. Dave said as much too -- "and that is that."

But that is not that. That starts a HUGE confrontation, far worse than what we had, resulting in them both screaming and crying and wailing at the injustice, and then washing hands and coming in for dinner is long forgotten -- they're both much too worked up to cooperate. I know this from painful experience.

Fine, they'll learn then, won't they?

Who, my boys? No way!

Where are these children that remember the lesson and apply it the next day?! (Peekskill and Saratoga, I'll be bound.)

It just turns into a major confrontation every time. I'm much better off giving in a little after I start to carry through, and using their alarm to get them to cooperate. But that's hardly reliable, as tonight proved. There just doesn't seem to be a way to win. Fully carrying through every time, and I most usually do, is extremely, extremely painful, and a huge investment that rarely yields an applicable lesson.

So I asked the boys at dinner: "What do you think we should do so that you come right in for dinner?" Gabriel said, "Well, here's what I would suggest..." (who are you, Dr. Phil?) "...just FORGET ABOUT IT!" OK, thanks. About as useful as Dr. Phil.

I talked to them about a chart...but right away, all they could talk about was the trains they imagined they'd get for the gold stars. I tried a chart once, and it completely backfired. It turned into holding gold stars over their heads, and it wasn't a very powerful incentive. Besides, it rubs me the wrong way to set up a reward system for something as basic as coming to dinner. Some things kids just have to do because that's just what kids have to do.

But how to get past these ordeals? How do I stay calm? How do I have more control?

I mused over all this as I ran off my guilt and self-doubt at Rancho San Antonio tonight. How much of the way I am is because of the way Gabriel is? And how much of the way he is is because of the way I am? Who's affecting who here? How would Stephanie or Betsy or any of my other mom friends, all of whom have far superior self-control, dignity and grace under fire, handle Gabriel? But really, that's rhetorical. How can I do it?

"If you know the why, the how will follow." More wise words, from my Dad, actually. Now if only I can connect those to "Stay calm -- you'll have more control."

7/11/07

p.s. As an aside, I'm totally loving this Web site Rancho Runner that Betsy told me about, one that calculates distances for routes at Rancho San Antonio.

5) Parking -> Equestrian Parking -> Coyote (west) -> High Meadow ->
Wildcat Loop (south) -> Upper Wildcat -> Wildcat Loop (east) ->
Coyote (east) -> Equestrian Parking -> Parking

Results for route: 12VWUPSTUWV21
Route Miles Up  Down
  12  0.29    0   30
  2V  0.51  195    0
  VW  0.67    0  120
  WU  0.25    0   50
  UP  0.90  465    0  <-- amusing, the points are labelled "UP" (and it WAS!)
  PS  0.61    0  285
  ST  0.12    0   20
  TU  0.53    0  180
  UW  0.25   50    0
  WV  0.67  120    0
  V2  0.51    0  195
  21  0.29   30    0

Total Distance = 5.60 Miles, 860 feet of climbing

7/10/07 Mom's (cookie) night out

Quick one here...fun night out tonight with the 2006 Las Madres group, which I guess I'm going to join! One member was baking custom-shaped cookies for a wedding this coming Saturday, another volunteered her kitchen, and the rest of us were invited to help roll, cut, bake, ice and box. And, of course, yak.

My ulterior motive was to check out Sonia's kitchen, and I wasn't disappointed. Oh my, it was beautiful -- and functional, and new, and just fabulous. I got other good ideas on how to set up our future new space too. I can't wait for that.

I made astounding progress to that end today, talking with and making appointments with two promising architects for next week. This work was only accomplished thanks to a nearly 3-hour nap this morning, essential to combat this ongoing migraine. Nine days and counting, same headache....I can't explain exactly how I know it's the same headache and not a series of separate headaches, but it "feels" like the same one. The nap, and a nice swim afterward, helped keep it at bay today. (But as I type, I can feel the pain building again.)

Gabriel had a great time today in his swim lesson this morning. And, he worked pretty hard! I was glad to see how well he listened and followed instructions, and really tried. But mostly, he seemed like he really enjoyed it, like asking the teacher for more underwater swim time, and doing lots of bouncing around and laughing while he was above water.

He and Julian start August 25th on Saturdays at this swim school, I'm looking forward to that. As for the Saturdays in August before then, today I signed them up for 4 lessons at the CA Sports Center, where I swim. Gabriel was very impressed when I told him the pool was 50 meters long (indeed, most non-swimmer-types haven't ever seen a true competition-sized pool).

I'm sure all my cookie-nibbling tonight wiped out any caloric benefits of my swim today though!

7/10/07

7/9/07 Collateral Damage

One of many downsides to this ongoing headache (8 days and counting) is what a huge waste of time it causes. As soon as Katrina takes a nap, so do I, so I never get anything done that moms can only do while babies nap. On Mondays, this must-nap thing means leaving the boys alone together, though I really don't nap soundly as I'm still on the alert.


But not alert enough to hear Julian and a pair of scissors this morning.

His new 'do is a perfect example of the many indirect consequences of migraine headaches.

He didn't want me to take a picture of him though.


Gabriel engaged in a far more productive endeavor during everyone's afternoon nap, which he was so proud of he wanted me to take a picture. A parking lot, complete with marked stalls, and lanes designated by chairs on the deck. He's still lining up vehicles, just like when he was a toddler.

Ah, childhood, filled with such innocent fun. Like hacking off blocks of hair.


The kids model their new monogrammed towels after Julian's and Katrina's swim lesson today.

Today we registered Gabriel and Julian for Saturday swim lessons at DACA, starting the last week of August. They really don't like the swim classes at the Y -- the water's too cold, the teachers inattentive (Julian spent his whole lesson last week with his goggles in his hand), and from what little Dave can see, the lessons don't involve much more than play. The setup at DACA is really good, and much smaller, and I can see from Gabriel's lessons there that there's a good mixture of play, fun and really learning. But, I do like Water Babies for the younger ones, so I signed Julian and Katrina up again for Mondays. Gabriel will be along for the ride Mondays until he's no longer available because of....kindergarten. Starting next month!!.

Maybe by then Julian's bald spots will have grown out a little.

7/9/07

7/8/07 The Playdate

Today the boys came inside from "helping" Dave do yardwork, and each brought me a flower. Well, mostly -- Gabriel amended it to: "half the flower is for you, and half the flower is for Bonne Maman!"

I love it when they give me flowers, and I helped them put the flowers in water and made a big deal of it. (But not too big. I know boys.)

Today Gina came over for a playdate! This was the first time I've ever had a dropoff playdate, and it was as perfect a situation as it could be for that. Dave was home, and we know Gina well, and she and Gabriel play well together.

Well, Gina does, anyway. They did great at first, playing with Gabriel's bicycle, then sidewalk chalk. But then Gabriel started bugging Dave about fixing a train toy, incessantly, ignoring Gina until she found something else to do. Before that, he was being bossy, claiming she couldn't play with something until something else was done, or getting into obnoxious hysterics and bothering Dave, instead of playing with his friend.


Finally, he simply fell asleep, and Gina just went about her business with Play-Doh.


At least Julian joined her for some creative coloring after his nap.

All in all it went well, but Dave and I were disappointed in Gabriel's rude behavior, and talked to him about it later. I don't think he understood. Incredibly, Gina asked Dave on her way home about Gabriel coming over for a playdate!

Dave almost didn't want to drop her off, muttering something about giving away the easiest of the bunch. But then, he's always had special respect for Gina ever since that time she got Gabriel to give up a tricycle by swiping his hat and making him chase her, then doubling back and claiming the tricycle!




Katrina really, really, REALLY wants to crawl, but she still doesn't quite know what to do! Here's one of her better attempts.


She got her first taste of macaroni and cheese tonight, and had the rest of us laughing in stitches. She LOVED it! The look on her face was priceless, downright joyful combined with her near-frantic attempts to reach for the spoon for more. Too bad she had already filled up on yam, zucchini and yogurt first. But just wait until her first birthday when she gets to try frosting!

Woe be me for this headache scourge, as last week's Monday Migraine still hasn't gone away. More Imitrex today helped manage the moment, but it's little more than a band-aid. Better drugs aren't the answer for three reasons: 1) they won't wipe out the entire migraine and all its ill effects (such as waking up in the middle of the night with the pain); 2) the fact that I'm nursing greatly restricts what I can take and 3) all drugs have side-effects. I really want prevention, but that's really a lofty goal for any migraine sufferer. For now, I guess I'll try to remain grateful that I'm not one of those who has to stay in bed for two days with earplugs and eyeshades. If I'm coherent enough to complain this much, then I'm one of the lucky ones.

7/8/07