11/25/07 The BMX park

I had it all figured out.

After breakfast, we'd take a family self-time photo out front, and I'd prepared everyone's clothes accordinging (a loose theme of red and white). Dave would take the boys to the BMX park, and I'd follow with Katrina to take some video, then I'd take her to the park to play with the White family. After her nap, I'd take her to Sur La Table in Los Gatos to return something, and pick up a few "necessary" (ahem) items. Perfect.

Not so perfect. She has a cold, mostly a runny nose and a lot of coughing, and just couldn't sleep last night. So we stayed up with her (fortunately it wasn't too late yet) and tried to keep her vertical as long as possible to clear things out. I sure wish she would just put her head down on my shoulder! Nothing doing. Finally, after about half an hour, her cough had calmed enough that she could lay back down and sleep. I relate, since when I have a cough, the transition to lying down brings it on.

Then she woke up this morning at 6:15am. It's Sunday, baby! Argh. She was way too much of a mess for the family photo, and needed a nap before the boys left for the BMX park. No photo, and no BMX park. Wah.

Not all was lost; I had a rare hour at home while she napped and it was nice and quiet. Just as I was accepting this state of affairs, she woke up. I tried to feed her (no WAY Mom), hastily installed the extra carseat in Dave's car, and zoomed out to the BMX park to catch the boys.

And I did! Dave had taken them to the bike shop first, so they were in full swing by the time I joined them at the park. Grumpy as Katrina was, she just about jumped out of the stroller seat with excitement watching her brothers, who at the time were the only ones there, with one other kid about Gabriel's age (maybe younger).

What fun. It's hard to believe that just last May, Gabriel was riding the little yellow bike with training wheels. It was only a few months ago that Julian lost the training wheels too, and now here they both are going right up the big hill to the plateau where the riders stop and start. Julian will go over some of the bumps, but not all of them, and Gabriel hasn't yet tackled a center course of bumps, though I don't see why he couldn't.

Julian, poised to start from the plateau, then goes down and takes the first bump.




And then back up to the start-stop plateau.


Later, a bunch of big kids arrived too, and it could be a little unnerving seeing Julian swarmed by all the bigger bikes. He's still just three years old!


Gabriel, meantime, tested his mettle on the 20" bike. It is way too big for him; he had to get off the bike completely every time he stopped, since he couldn't reach the ground well enough to balance the bike with one foot. (Of course, I of all people support riding a two-wheeled vehicle despite other people telling you it's too tall for you!)



It didn't seem to slow him down.


You go boys! I'm so glad this is developing into a regular activity for them. They worked hard, and were good and tired later. And it's a fun thing for Dave to do with them -- he has to ride his bicycle too!

For the record, today there were two girls there, both older than Gabriel, but apparently not as experienced. Both went around the course about the way Julian did, skipping the same big humps, though neither would go up the stop-start plateau. It could just be an experience thing; even the other boy about Gabriel's age wasn't as confident, and cried whenever he fell, to the irritation of his jocky Dad. This is definitely a man's world so far, though Katrina was so animated and excited, it almost seemed that all she needed was a bicycle and helmet to break in.

I took Katrina to Los Gatos afterward to return a $7 cooling rack at Sur La Table....and wound up buying over $200 worth of other things. How does that happen?! Well, a good saucepan with a steamer insert and lid that all fit together was long overdue anyway. And I couldn't resist this adorable Giant Cupcake Cake Pan, what with birthdays coming up. It did occur to me later that it might be a tad difficult to actually slice this cake, but this is a good problem to have. And despite coming home with every possible shape of spatula, I somehow forgot my dearth of small ladles. Looks like I left myself an excuse to go back!


When we got home, boys were having lunch, Katrina got a little more lunch (her eating has been off today), and then we attempted the family photo again. For once, the boys were very cooperative, but it took some work to get Katrina not to cry. She relaxed and started to laugh right afterward of course, when Julian made up a game of her patting his face.

If there's anything I ought to know by now, having been a mom for almost 6 years now, it's that I never really have anything figured out.

11/25/07

11/24/07 Oh my darlin'....

...oh my darlin', oh my darrrrrlin' Clementiiiine....

Clementine "cuties" are in season, and I have a bunch of them, some I'd bought and some that came in mine and Betsy's weekly fruit box. This morning I got caught in one of those "FEED ME NOW OR THE WHOLE WORLD WILL CAVE IN" moments, and quickly peeled Katrina a clementine, cut a few pieces in half, and stuck them on her tray.

Oh my goodness, did she like them. It was all I could do to keep up with preparing the pieces, which were supposed to buy me enough time to make her a sandwich, before she devoured them and then insistently called "AH!" and pointed frantically for more. Finally, after 3 clementines, I got just far enough ahead of her to slap together a soynut butter sandwich, and even more fortunately, she got derailed from the clementine craze and actually ate the sandwich bits.

Despite a slight cold (runny nose, coughing), Katrina was in a great mood most of the day. A trip to the Y's Childwatch this morning and then a mecca to Trader Joe's made up her morning excursions, and the rest of the day she played very happily scribbling or looking at books when her brothers weren't bothering her.

Brothers were too busy outside with Dad working on some new-old bicycles that Dave rescued from imminent deposit at a dump. Dave got talking to the owner of a property way down the end of a neighboring street, who'd just sold the property to a developer who's going to level the old house (it's nothing special) and put 4 new houses up. The now-former owner was cleaning out the garage and offered Dave some kids' bikes that hadn't gotten much use and had been sitting for a while. Dave brings home discarded vehicles the way little girls bring home stray kittens, so we're now richer two more bicycles.

They needed some work, so Dave and the boys glady delved into that today. First, Dave showed Gabriel how to test the spokes, then Julian got into the action.


I didn't see the rest of the wrenching party, but they got the 20" bike up and running, and apparently that's now Gabriel's new bicycle. Dave said the frame is a little big for him, but he has no problem riding it and wasted no time skid-sliding it around the leaves along the sidewalk. Julian will inherit Gabriel's 16" bike, though he's still too small for it.

The boys are very very anxious to go to the BMX park tomorrow!

I'm going to try to go for a short while too, to videotape them, though dusty bike parks and crawling babies don't mix well. It looks like the BMX park is going to be enough of a fixture in our lives that we'll have to soon solve the problem of only having one car that can conveniently transport bikes and baby. I can install a carseat in Dave's car for the few hours my car is toting the boys' two-wheelers around, but what a pain.

We had an unusually nice quiet afternoon, thanks to Julian being an unbearable pain in the rear end. There was absolutely no way he was going to spend the entire day tormenting the whole family, so I invested time in getting him in his room for a "nap." He loudly and rudely insists he doesn't want to take a nap, so I tell him he doesn't have to sleep, just lie down. "But that's taking a nap!" he petulantly complains. Finally I told him just to have quiet time, read him a book, and made a hasty exit. To my amazement, he stayed in his room quietly for about two hours, some of which we think he did spend sleeping.

Thank goodness. Gabriel worked on his Italy cultural poster for school, while Dave and I caught up on office things, and Katrina happily scribbled. I was getting up a lot to help Gabriel, checking on Katrina on and off, getting rid of old mail and organizing things. I commented to Dave how amazing it was that Katrina was playing so well by herself.

But eventually my "it's too quiet" alarm went off, and I checked her in the craft area -- not there. I did a quick scan of the downstairs. No baby. I ran upstairs -- not in her room or the bathroom, and the other rooms' doors were closed.

Ran back downstairs....waitaminnit, we never close our bedroom door if we're not in it. Why was it closed? Ran back up, into our bedroom. Then could hear crying from a distance, but couldn't locate it. Where was she? After another scan of the upstairs, I went back into our room and realized our bathroom door was closed too -- and there she was behind it, shaking and crying pitifully. She'd snuck all the way upstairs and closed two doors behind her in our relatively soundproof house. Will someone please notify the Mom Of The Year Selection Committee to cross my name off their list of candidates?

One more day of a four-day weekend, and I'm nowhere near getting anything done that I'd planned. The remodel must not stall for lack of decisions! The pressure is mounting, but maybe that's exactly what I need.

11/24/07

p.s. How could I forget?! The most incredible thing today: NO MORE MIGRAINE! It was a one-dayer! Hurrah!

11/23/07 The Biscuits

This morning, I got to sleep late, until 9am, and then get up slowly when I darned well felt like it. Dave had The Three under control downstairs (thanks!) while I lounged. Ahh.

But...the drowsy reluctance to get up this morning (a luxury now that I spring out of bed at 6:30am on weekdays), turned into a familiar and hated feeling of pressure, lethargy, laziness. That reminded me, I was feeling unbearably sleepy yesterday at some point...or was it the day before? I couldn't quite piece it together. When was yesterday again? Another sign. Sure enough, by this afternoon, it developed into another dreaded migraine.

Still, I functioned reasonably well this morning. I made some plain biscuits, with the feeble excuse that I couldn't let a pint of buttermilk go bad, and the boys helped me roll and cut them out. Then I called my family back East, which always makes me so happy to talk but so sad not to be there, especially since it sounds like my mother made quite the delicious well-rounded feast.

While I talked on the phone, Katrina sat on the porch and had a biscuit, where "had" is something between eating it and spreading it all over the porch.


I wish I could say that homemade biscuits are healthy, but really, something that's just refined white flour, butter, buttermilk and leaveners isn't exactly packed with nutrition. Gabriel is starting to ask if certain foods are "junk food," and I have a hard time answering him on things like this. Biscuits aren't Cheetos, but they're not spinach either, homemade or not.

During Katrina's nap, I went running....whoops, detour. I had to take a nap first, the pressure was getting to be too much. I so resent this! I just don't have room in my life to be taken down by a migraine!! It took seconds to fall into a deep sleep, and when I woke up, it took all my willpower to get up, get dressed and go run. I felt like I was wearing a Cat In The Hat hat, like every turn of my head was being dragged down.

And running was no different. It took tremendous effort to do a moderate route, especially since at first, the jolting hurt my head with each step. Uphill took care of that fast, but still, I never really reached a stride. The last mile or two, I fell back on my new iPod to get me going, and that was fun. To my surprise, the best part about the music was my finishing sprint, which turned into a full-on balls-out haul-ass dash, I'll guess about 200 meters long. Not often in life that adults run full speed for any distance, even runners. It felt great. But as soon as I bent over to stretch, the rush of blood to my head turned the pressure back on, and the pain flooded back. Well, compromised run as it was, it was completely worth it, if nothing else for the intense effort of the final sprint.

The cost came at dinner, which was an emergency TJ's freezer item in lieu of my loftier plans. And whose remains lie in wait in the kitchen for me to peel my reluctant rear end off this chair to finish cleaning up. Though, one thing that's come out of my new job is that Dave and I are evolving a habit of cleaning up together. An unexpected benefit of this is that it gives us some time to talk every day when we're not distracted by other wind-down sorts of things (email, blogging, web-surfing, newspapers). Do I need to point out the obvious that this is after The Three are safely tucked away in bed? The fact that it takes a drudgerous cleanup job for us to be able to catch up for 15 whole minutes a day is depressing, but the fact that it happens now at all is really good. So it is the collective reluctant rear end that must be scraped off the collective chair to finish our work for the day.

I had lots of grand plans for this long weekend, but something tells me that even without a headache, I mostly just want to....hang.

11/23/07

11/22/07 Thanksgiving!!

We went to our annual Orphan's Thanksgiving potluck at Paul and Elisabeth's again this year. I'm not sure we can claim Orphan status anymore, as now we're the parents.

Speaking of our non-Orphans, two of them stayed behind with Dad while one of them napped, so I went to the Thanksgiving house early, partly because it would take a long time to unload and unwrap all the food I made! I had so much fun with this. I made:

Parmesan pine nut crackers (appetizer)
Spiced Carmelized Cauliflower
Shalloty Green Beans
Apple Spice Yams
Cornbread (two kinds)
Holiday Cranberry Sauce
Pear Clafouti

and brought ice cream we had way too much of from another event.

The cornbread was fun; one was from a Trader Joe's mix, and the other from a recipe on the cornmeal box. Gabriel "made" the scratch one, and Julian "made" the TJ's mix. I gave them as many jobs as possible, though nothing is more fun for them than cracking eggs. I'm sorry to say that the TJ's mix once again trumped the scratch version: heartier, more flavorful, richer color, and just, well, cornier. But I'm in the wrong blog to talk about that!

I had about an hour to hang out and be a grownup and chat with our old friends, with Gabriel quietly doing a color-by-numbers upstairs. Dave later arrived with Katrina and Julian, and we had a little trouble keeping the boys under control, but for the most part, people were understanding and seemed to get a kick out of them playing together. I'd talked to them very sternly about The Rules, especially No Running, since the hostess has an injured foot and it was important she not be run into or have to do any hasty movement.

But all discipline broke loose when other grownups undermined my efforts! I wish I'd gotten photos of this, but two women ended up playing with Gabriel and Julian on the furniture, in which the boys sat on the back of the couch and then were either pushed or shaken down with their hands. Then the women gave the boys piggy-back rides out to the car. I'm not sure who was laughing harder, but they all had such a good time that it was hard for me to step in and be the stick-in-the-mud saying "no jumping on furniture!" I was delighted they were all having so much fun, though I was concerned that the hostess probably didn't share in that perspective.

Another thing to let go at Thanksgiving is kids' eating. I expected better of Katrina, but all she'd eat was cornbread and parmesan crackers, and let the whole room know, in vociferous vocals, of her MortifiedOffendedness when I dared offer anything else. Gabriel, to my surprise, was very open to trying new things, and had a good well-rounded meal.

Julian, also to my surprise, barely touched anything, though he choked down some turkey and green beans once he realized he wasn't getting any dessert otherwise. And boy, did he milk the lack of attention from his parents, heading back to the dessert table numerous times and asking some hapless childfree adult for help. He had 3 helpings of ice cream and then pie!

Anyway, I hope our host and hostess agree, but it was a rousing success overall. I look forward to the day when we don't have to be so careful and calculated and on the alert. Next year, we'll have a 2-year-old, and they're not famous for being persona grata at childfree grownup events! Though Katrina was so cute and overall so good (save during dinner) that she might have built up some goodwill. Along with my Holiday Cranberry Sauce, the biggest winner of all I brought.

Still, many of our original motorcycling group's events have long since withered away, especially those that involved actually riding motorcycles. I so hope this one doesn't. It's just too much fun. Then again...life is full of changes, and it wouldn't hurt us to spend Thanksgiving with other families, and have other kids there.

Though Dave had cleaned up the whole kitchen before he left to join us, we still had a lot of leftovers to put away and dishes to clean after we got home. We went to bed nice and early after all that, tummies and spirits full.

11/22/07

11/21/07 The half-day

This Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I always liked to have a half-day, though I'm not quite sure what that means when you're an hourly-paid contractor who has to work weeks just to pay for childcare...and what that means when there are three kids at home!

I compromised and went into work for 2-1/2 hours on Wednesday morning, then came home at 10:30am and had some time to myself before picking Gabriel and Katrina up from Melissa's at 1pm. Wow, that little bit of time to myself sure takes the edge off the Mad Scramble. Not to mention, all the time I spend driving turns into real cost when it means I could be working instead.

Anyway, I had a nice afternoon with Gabriel and Katrina, and spent a lot of time preparing all the food I was bringing to our potluck Thanksgiving. Dave came home early too, and brought Julian home from Kids Inc, so we were all home early. Julian brought home an Indian costume he made, and was very proud of wearing. He was being very cute, which I'm sorry to say happens less and less these days. God, I am so done with 3!

You'd think after spending all that time in the kitchen and having everyone home early that I'd have a bang-up dinner ready, but no, it was pizza for the boys and take-out Chinese for the Dad. Just ramping up for the Big Gorge tomorrow!

11/21/07

11/20/07 The preparations start

A relief today, I got to pick Katrina up from Tonya's instead of Melissa's, though Melissa still had Katrina, just at Tonya's.

Ironically, this meant I left work earlier today, since now I could actually have a little time at home alone before the big mad scramble. I wasn't sure to do with this 40-minute time windfall, and potential tasks swirled around my head as I drove home. Finally, I told myself to just sit and scrapbook, just because I feel like it. The other stuff...it'll get done.

Indeed, since Thanksgiving is coming up, I have a lot of preparing and cooking to do! So I put the boys on KP while Katrina happily scribbled with a pencil.

(Does anyone else notice a little safety problem here?! GEEZ Mom, peelers, pencils -- why don't you just hand them an open flame while you're at it?!)

I'm still so torn about work. In so many ways, I'm enjoying it now, since I'm getting ramped up. But that seems so indulgent, as what I'm doing really isn't all that important to the world. Whereas what Melissa and Gabriel's teacher and Julian's caregivers do actually really matters.

Then I miss my children, then feel guilty about not missing them, and then at home feel guilty for not spending focused time with them. They're all in pretty good moods lately, especially Katrina. I have to wonder if it's all the attention and care they're getting from the pros. Quite different from the hanging-around I do with them, in which I interact a lot, but rarely sit and focus.

Though it might make me wonder what my value as a mother is, I am awfully glad that they're all pretty happy with the arrangement. Well...I'm not 100% sure about Gabriel. He's so adaptable and isn't one to complain, but he gets a lot more into pest mode in the evenings now, and I miss his joyful moments of telling me how glad he is to be home after school. He's the one I feel by far the worst about being away from, whereas Katrina is thrilled with whatever's around her. Julian...hard to say. He's still in honeymoon phase with the new place (new to him, anyway).

But more and more, I know that I want to work, and that I want to work on my own terms. This job is a perfect stepping-stone toward that. I'm encouraged about my idea about becoming a contract tech writer. According to some tech writer friends and an engineer contractor at my company, tech writers with an actual tech background are few and far between and in demand. It will take some time to establish myself, so, first things first: get my engineer side back up to speed, then start looking into making the shift. The current situation is unsustainable long-term (too much driving and early-getting-upping!), but it's an investment, one that I hope will allow me to call my own shots in some years. Such as, being able to pick up my little clan from school at 2:45.

For now, I'm really looking forward to the upcoming holidays at home with everyone. I can thank work for that too.

11/20/07

11/19/07 The Broccoli Hug

Katrina, once again, was in fine form today when I picked her up, full of smiles and happy expressions and just about bursting out of her skin with energy and joy. She bopped around happily at home while I scrambled to get everyones' dinner ready, pointing to things and exclaiming when she happened upon something new, until well after I had the boys sitting down to dinner.

Then she sat quietly and worked on a little bowl of cut-up green beans (they look like peas) and cauliflower, until I was ready to sit down and feed her spaghetti with meat sauce and then butternut squash. She started to cry at the end, and no wonder, it was 6:45pm and approaching the 7pm Witching Hour. I picked her up and held her for a few minutes while I did some one-handed kitchen jobs, nibbling on some broccoli the boys left behind.

On impulse, I offered her a little broccoli floret. I was surprised that not only did she eat it, but she put her head on my shoulder and actually put her arm around my neck right afterward. Gotta be a fluke, I thought. This is the world's least cuddly baby after all. Another floret. Another head-on-shoulder and arm around my neck. And again, and again, and again. I couldn't believe it!

Gabriel and Julian were entranced by this, Gabriel especially. He was very taken with how cute she was being, and at one point said, "Mom, she's giving you a broccoli hug!"

I milked it for all it was worth, and happily handed over most of the broccoli scraps that were to have been my dinner, relishing each warm gesture from her. What mom wouldn't give her baby the food off her plate after all -- especially if it means a hug after each bite!

11/19/07

11/18/17 Annual moto-breakfast

Back in the days when Dave and I were single and active frequent-riding motorcyclists in a large group of like-minded, we both attended an annual pancake breakfast hosted by a couple in the group. The idea was for rides to gather and have breakfast before going to the annual International Motorcycle Show, held at a local fairgrounds. Though many friends now arrive in cars and don't bother to go to the show, the pancake breakfast event lives on. It's one of my favorites of the year, as I always enjoy visiting with our longtime friends in their charming old cottage in Menlo Park.

We weren't sure how it'd work today, as we wanted to arrive at 9am, and Katrins was already acting like she needed a nap. I rarely say this, but fortunately, Katrina took a short nap in the car on the way up there, so she was in good shape (and later took a good solid afternoon nap).

The hostess was prepared for kids and had paper and markers and crayons for them, as well as a plateful of chocolate cupcakes -- and that's the first thing the boys were offered when we arrived! The boys did great, in no small part because of the hostess' efforts. I got compliment after compliment about how polite and well-behaved they were, from child-free adults, no less, who on the whole have much higher standards for good behavior.

Naturally we got lots of comments on how cute Katrina is, and indeed she was in her element again, making cute noises, or putting her head down to play peek-a-boo, smiling at people and generally letting everyone know that the world is hers.

I forgot to take photos (?! WHO, ME?!), but fortunately a friend who is now a professional photographer was there with his gear.




I talked to another longtime friend for a little while, and she reminded me
that she grew up with two older brothers, 2-3/4 and 4-3/4 years older than her, exactly the same as Gabriel and Julian are older than Katrina. "Did they take care of you?" I asked eagerly. She looked at me like I was nuts. "Did they teach you how to drive?" She made a face and said a drawn-out "Noooo" which might as well have been "duuhhh." "Did they get you into motorcycles?" Another "yeah right" face and then, "Yeah, only because they wouldn't let me ride theirs!" One of her brothers runs a successful suspension-tuning business, and she is one of the absolute best and fastest riders I've ever known....that is, for the few seconds I'd ride behind her before her taillight disappeared in the distance. And she's famously sarcastic and close with her brothers now. Still, a good insight.

I've often been accused of overextending myself, doing things the hard way, taking on just a little bit too much extra. It's true, I find direction and purpose in the self-induced pressure. Tonight was a good example of that, the operative word being "tonight." I went running in what started off as "this afternoon," but got into time trouble circling the packed parking lots at Rancho San Antonio in the hopes of coming across someone just about to back out. What was I thinking, it's Sunday afternoon, and all 6 parking lots were completely full.

By the time I did find a space, I was seriously annoyed that I'd have to run a different route than the 8-miler I'd planned. In need of hills, I started off on the lower third of the PG&E trail, planning to take the one turnoff to other shorter loops. But come the sign and the turnoff, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was probably past 4:00...did I have enough time to take the whole PG&E trail? I told myself I'd work out the times as I started up the trail (based on memory of having run the route with a watch), and if I figured I couldn't do it, then I'd turn back. Not having a watch on me and not quite remembering what time it really gets dark added to the denial.

Well, long story short: I made it, but barely. I passed a hiker at the very top, who told me it was 4:30. Whew; I knew that left me juuust enough time to get back the closer trails before it was pitch-black, though there were so many people around as I got closer that I wasn't worried. After stretching and making my way back to the distant parking spot I'd lucked on, it was completely dark. It was 5:32 when I got back in the car.

Fortunately Dave had things under control with The Three when I got back, helped in large part by solid naps from the younger two. It was a lot of tag-teaming today, but we pulled it off. I'm looking forward to when we're in a rhythm with my being at work again when each day, including weekend days, isn't one giant experiment!

11/18/07

11/17/07 The down day?

Our new kitchen designer came by today to case the joint, and noticed right away that my existing countertops are too high! Well, higher than standard, which is still too high for me. And the cabinets are mounted about 4" higher than today's standard. Also too high for me. Wow. So just having a kitchen made to the "standard" will be a huge improvement, though we'll probably make the island an inch or so lower.

While we waited for the designer to arrive, I did a fun little photo session with Katrina.


She was in fine form today, full of curiosity and silly sounds and games and almost shouting at books. She really took a liking to the kitchen designer, showing off and putting on her best cute act, making goofy noises from across the room to attract her attention.

No boy photos today -- too bad 'cause they finally got haircuts. They were getting pretty darned shaggy!

They had a really big day with Dad: breakfast at Bobbi's, swim class (where Gabriel unexpectedly came home with a white ribbon, having advanced another level), BMX park (where Julian braved some of the mounds, and even made it up to the starting plateau!), haircuts, the bike shop (Julian's earned himself some BMX gloves), out to lunch, then more time with Dad helping him rake leaves and definitely not being any help when he tried to mow the lawn. Then they got a nice impromptu short playdate with the White kids when Betsy & Co. stopped by. They went to bed exhausted.

And here I thought it'd be so nice for them to have a day "off" at home after being in full-time daycare all week.

11/17/07

11/16/07 The errand

For weeks now, a bag of impulse purchases has been rolling around my car, waiting for the opportune moment to be returned at Bed Bath and Beyond. When am I ever going to fit things like that into my new schedule?

Answer: Friday afternoons.

Today I scooted out of work at 3pm, and decided to go to BB&B just so I don't have to look at this bag anymore, and make the return. And I did. Done, fini, finata, finito.

From there, I picked the boys up, then took them to pick Katrina up. Not the most efficient route, but in terms of lugging things and kids around, it worked the best. Best of all, we were all home by 4:30pm, and the boys had some time to play outside together while Katrina bopped around making "bid-dah bid-dah bid-dah" sounds, playing with books and looking for things to draw on with a crayon. I actually got to sit down and have a snack and read the newspaper for a few minutes. Are working moms allowed to do that in the late afternoon? Stay-at-homes deserve every spare minute they get, but me? Anyway, I appreciated it.

When Katrina isn't being swarmed by her brothers and doesn't need a diaper change, she now routinely plays for half an hour, often longer, very happily on her own (and often very unhappily if you try to wrench her away). Another long attention span. We must be doing something right?

Best of all, time from leaving my driveway to pulling into the parking lot at work today was 35 minutes. A far cry from the hour and 20 minutes it took earlier this week! The importance of leaving early cannot be overemphasized, and that was with leaving a little late today (7:10am) and losing a minute -- every minute counts -- to missing a turn.

Still, it's hard to know how to fit everything in. If I exercise at work, then the overhead of a separate trip to the Y or Rancho isn't a time cost. But then I'm spending time working out instead of working, and right now I feel the need to work as much as I can to become productive again. I know it's temporary. I have no intention of making this rat race our regular life, but I have to pay some dues now so that I can start shaping my job/career/income-earning-activity into the lifestyle I want later. Which doesn't involve leaving home with an unbreakfasted (though a very happy and silly) baby at 7:10am.

Gabriel (who has a nice shiner now above his eye, but it's a lot less swollen) came home today with a funny song, one he says he learned in kindergarten class:

Lemonade (clap clap clap)
Chilly ice (clap clap clap)
Beat it once (clap clap clap)
Beat it twice (clap clap clap)
Turn around (turn around)
Touch the ground (touch the ground)
Kick your boyfriend out of town! (make a kicking motion and burst into peals of laughter)

I put the boys to bed tonight, and we had lots of fun repeating this song (really more of a chant) and acting it out. It sure is easy and fun to act like a silly kid when I've been a serious grownup all day.

11/16/07

11/15/07 Dragging again

Oh my gosh was I tired again today. This getting up at 6:30am thing is for the birds. I'm sorry, it's just not in my biology. I need 10 hours of sleep to feel even slightly OK all day from getting up so early, but I do just as well on 6 hours of sleep if I can get up at 8:30. Or 9. Or 10! Oh, those were the days!

I'm in the camp that can find energy by using it. So I went running with a small group at lunch today (a 4-mile flat run, and slow until I took off on my own), and that revived me temporarily. But when I got home with the kids and immediately kicked into make-dinner mode, I could have fallen asleep with every blink. I swore I'd go upstairs tonight at 9:30pm, and here it is, 9:35, and I'm writing. I'm gonna pay dearly for that tomorrow.

Julian's come home twice this week in his emergency clothes, having peed during his nap. I can't get the story straight. First he says he peed while he was asleep, which I believe, but then he says there's no grownup there, and then he says that if he lifts his head, he's told to lie back down. None of those things go together. I told him he needs to wake up if he has to pee, and if he doesn't see a grownup, to just go, and if a grownup tells him to lie down, then tell the grownup he has to go. Dave's going to talk to someone tomorrow to try to get the story straight, but whoever's there when he drops Julian off might not be the same person overseeing the naps. In any case, some grownup besides his parents needs to assure him he can always get up to pee, if he really is waking up.

Maybe this will turn into a foothold for night-training. If Julian can learn to wake himself up from a nap, then maybe he can at night too. He hadn't peed during a nap at Tonya's for a long time though; maybe he sleeps more soundly at Kids Inc. They always tell me he took a full 2-hour nap, and it shows at home.

Melissa described Katrina as "feisty" today, and said she threw a few fits about not getting something she wanted, but overall she's thrilled to bop around and play, rarely crying anymore unless it's angry protesting about not getting her way. Books are her absolute favorite thing these days, and she is very, very insistent about sitting in a lap and shoving a book at you!

Though I still spent over 2 hours total driving around picking up and dropping off today, it wasn't nearly as painful as yesterday. This would all be so much easier if either work, or childcare, were closer to either home, or each other. But right now, I'm driving around San Jose in one gigantic, traffic-choked triangle. Every day on my way to Melissa's I think, "I've got to find another place." Then every day when I arrive and see how happy Katrina is and how good I feel knowing what fabulous care she's getting, I think, "I've got to keep her here." Not that she'll suffer at Tonya's by any means, but the age she's at is perfect for the excellent one-on-one care Melissa, who's a trained preschool teacher, can give her now (until her license comes through and she can take more kids).

No photos today. I need to take one of myself for my ID badge at work, but I look in the mirror and see a very, very tired face, an old and tired face, and I can't bring myself to do it.

11/15/07

11/14/07 The DRIVING

Rough, tough day today. Late start, which turned into hitting max traffic on the worst possible routes. All told, I spent over 2-1/2 hours today driving around to drop off or pick up, much of it stuck in stop-and-go on I-880 this morning.

I also happened to arrive at Melissa's right after she'd left to drop her son off at school, so I had a little time to hang around with Katrina. I didn't mind that at all. She had a grand time bopping around, always in search of books to point to or chairs to push around. She now has a second tooth coming in up top. Symmetry!

Given my work location, it's clear that picking up Katrina first is the best way to go, but that means hauling her in to get both Gabriel and Julian, and having to carry her around while I try to sign them out and gather their things. It would be so much easier if I could just set her down for a moment. Please, baby, please walk soon!

At least Gabriel's eye is looking better, though there's still some chance it'll turn into a nice shiner.


Julian said today, "When I'm a girl, I'm going to like pink!"

I went to a Mom's Night Out and cookie exchange with the 2006 mom's group tonight. Just in time to save my sanity. It's a completely different world, being in a group of women in a home, talking about our kids, schools, our lives; so different from being at work in a group of men, talking about much less personal and more directed things. Both worlds are a relief to be in, in their own ways. And I'm looking forward to the weekend to have some time in the kids' world again. That could well be the best thing to come out of this job thing! Meantime, it's a tough adjustment.

11/14/07

11/13/07 The Designer

Did I complain yesterday about having to get up at 6:30am? That was sleeping late compared to today! Gabriel, out of sorts from his few days in a later time zone, woke up at 5:45am today. That woke Julian, who started whiny noisy crying. That woke Katrina, and it was pretty much all over from there.

Since Dave was taking the day off today, my Plan had been to get to work really early, since he could take Katrina to Melissa's (Tonya's today, actually, they swapped). But my early Plan didn't include missing a crucial hour of morning sleep, nor several boy argument interventions. The early start perversely turned into getting to work later than I'd planned, and from 7:15am on (when I arrived at work), my sorry rear end was dragging like a plow in a muddy field. I can't believe how tired I was today.

But I can believe it, since I've been much more tired in the past. Painful was it was, it was superficial tired, since it was only one day. Not months, like I suffered when Gabriel was a baby.

And, if I was really dying, I could always have taken a nap. As a network engineer, no one's life depends on me. Baby moms, on the other hand....no way. So as beat as I was today, I'm here to report: going to work tired is still much, much, much easier than the ravaging wastedness of chronic sleep deprivation that comes with babies.

But you know, something else I find I really miss from being at work: the cute factor. There is just no "awwww" in my day.

Tired as I was, I found the energy for our appointment with our new kitchen designer, Anna at AS Designs. Once again, I left feeling confident we're in good hands, she has a good handle on all sorts of things I'd never think about -- including the kitchen sink.

Gabriel got knocked in the eye by some other kid's elbow today, and boy does it look bad. His eye is half-shut from the big blue puffy area above his right eye, poor kid. (It was a hectic evening, so no photos.)

I'm still so torn about work. Every minute is another swing. I like the grownup time and not being distracted by the kids for a few hours. A whole side of me is coming awake again, remembering what it's like to have a sharp mind (it's a vague and decidedly unsharp memory, and I'm a long ways from it, especially today), remembering what it's like to talk to (pretty much only) men all day, and the direct and nontangential way they communicate. At the same time, I miss my children, I miss being home, I miss having flexible time, I miss YAKKING with my mom friends. Though some of my best yaks have been with men, on the whole, men can't YAK the way we do! I like the predictability and control (I can get coffee when I feel like it), but I miss the variety in the day (hmm, low on vanilla, perfect excuse for a trip to TJ's).

And I miss the "awwwww....".

One mitigating factor is that there's a small, sporadic lunchtime running group, but also, a smaller and more sporadic, and partially intersecting, workout group. My hyperactive colleague has a mini-gym out on the back loading dock, a cart with weights, mats, jumprope and a few other things. So, I availed myself of this today and actually did a weights workout on the loading dock out behind the building! Yeah, there were a few delivery truck drivers that did a double-take ("did that insane woman make a wrong turn on her way to the gym?"), but on the whole, it was worth it. I was so tired it was essential to keeping my energy up. That said, I still suffered pangs of guilt, since an hour lifting weights on a loading dock is an hour I could be home with my children. And I'm off the clock, so it's costly. But then, so is my frail sanity.

Said frail sanity will get bolstered tonight by an indulgence in looking over some house design books and dreamily imagining my future.

11/13/07

11/12/07 Building me

Julian noticed a spot on his leg tonight and asked, "Did they put that there when they builded me?"

Meantime, I swing wildly about how I feel about this work thing.

I don't like the mad dash to get to and from work.
I like having somewhere to go.

I don't like being in an office.
I like being around other grownups.

I don't like reading boring things.
I like thinking and concentrating again.

I don't like the equipment and technology I'm working on.
I like working on equipment and technology again.

I don't like being away from my mom friends.
I like being around men again.

I don't like the feeling of scrambling and not understanding anything.
I like the feeling of being productive (well, when I am that is).

I don't like being away from my children.
I like the break from my children.

I don't like the time.
I like the money.

Dave and Gabriel are home, though my anticipated reunion with my firstborn was anticlimactic when he arrived draped on Dave's shoulder, fast asleep. The trip went well, Gabriel was very well-behaved and had a great time at all the kid activities they did together. There's a wooded trail behind Dave's parents' house, and he loved running around there.

Katrina cut a new tooth today, the right top one!

11/12/07

11/11/07 Lots of kid stuff

Looks like Gabriel's having a grand time in St. Louis, visiting a train museum and a children's science museum.

I do so miss the little bugger.

I told Julian I hoped Dad sent pictures of Gabriel from his iPhone, and Julian asked if Dad was going to paint the pictures. I said no, he's going to use his iPhone. Julian then asked, struggling for comprehension, "He's going to paint his iPhone?"

Meantime, I got gas today (my big accomplishment) and the gas pump was playing classical music!

11/11/07

11/10/07 Just two

Single mom, hard. Two kids, easy. Hmm.

Then again, I have Peggy. Today I went scrapbooking with some friends while Peggy watched Julian and Katrina, which turned into a happy playdate for Julian with Miranda, Peggy's feisty little daughter.

Peggy can handle anything, nothing rattles her. She's the 3rd person in 24 hours to report that Katrina is one focused, determined little thing. She wants what she wants, and there's no distracting her. I've come to brace myself if she's into something and I absolutely have to pull her away to change a diaper or something. She throws her whole tiny little body into the protest, which is almost comical given how her puny 17 pounds doesn't begin to match up to her spirit. I think it's official: I have Gabriel rev.2 on my hands, though ramped down, and not nearly as strong or fast.

Julian was grouchy this afternoon, and after some negotiation about music selection, he sat down on the couch and then drifted off sitting up.


Katrina, meanwhile, wouldn't take a second nap, and instead busied herself with a new trick: stacking.


Oh yes, and what fun pushing this little button with a pinpoint of light that appears to breathe, and that gets just a little brighter when I push it. Clearly she has a future in Apple's hardware quality verification department. (Who, me?)

Boy does she get mad when I whisk her away from this foible! And she made a baby beeline right back for it again and again, until I finally gave up and closed the office door. Fortunately, that did make her give up, at least it does now. I remember Gabriel throwing an extended fit by whatever barrier we set up for him.


Dave and Gabriel left at 5:30am this morning to visit Dave's parents in St. Louis. Dave's sent me a few iPhone photos, and it warms my heart to see Gabriel running and playing and just being a kid, even in such a far-away place. It's nice to see him with his grandparents too -- I wonder how that is for them, having this sudden injection of little-kid energy around them. He lights up everything around him.

I'm enjoying having Julian as the oldest one for now though. A boy and a girl, in that order, just like I'd imagined as a little girl would be the perfect configuration (mostly because I thought girls should have an older brother and I wished I had one). My sweet little boy and my spritely little girl. Only those idyllic childhood musings didn't count on a Gabriel in the mix! And what a wonderful mix it makes.

11/10/07

11/9/07 The sleepover

I tried leaving work "early" today, at 3pm. Which isn't early, since I'm thinking I'd like to try to leave at 2pm on Fridays to pick Gabriel up from school. Which means picking up Katrina last which means going back to San Jose again.

Uh-oh. Rethink. I did that today, and the pickups took an hour and 20 minutes, though that included some extra time retrieving Gabriel from a playground. I sure am spending a lot more time in my car now. And at gas stations!

Julian's first: he brought home homework!

He was very, very proud of it, and wanted to go straight to the table where Gabriel does his homework and do it. Unfortunately, it was "assigned" today and is "due" Monday?! I'd like to talk to his teacher and suggest that even kindergarten doesn't get homework over the weekend, though I'm sure the idea is not to add to parents' workweek. Pre-pre-K homework isn't really required or due or anything, so I could easily blow it off. But Julian really does take it seriously (thank you Older Brother), so I'd much rather it be done at a more realistic time. And I don't want to deal with weekend homework yet.

When I picked Julian up from Kids Inc, he gave one of the daycare ladies a huge full-body hug goodbye. I get a lot of big smiles and "awwww" faces about him, and everyone tells me what a sweet, sweet boy he is. On the whole, his behavior has been a thousand times better since starting at Kids Inc, but that could also be because he takes a nap every afternoon now.

After getting everyone home, and before whisking Julian and Katrina off to a sleepover,....wait. A sleepover? After my first week of work and having them all in daycare?! I know, it seems like a lot. But with a meeting with our insurance agent tonight, and with Dave and Gabriel leaving at 5:30am tomorrow morning, it seemed the prudent thing to do. And really, Julian and Katrina aren't the ones I feel bad about being away from me.

Especially Katrina -- she's turning into Miss Tough Stuff, starting to throw major fits if something doesn't go her way. I see the same sort of resistance...er, resiliance in her that Gabriel had. I've had a few people tell me "ohhh, a 13-month-old girl, yeah, that clingy and whiny phase." Not this one. Not yet, anyway. Screechy, insistent, demanding, yes. And, very playful and outgoing. She'll happily and almost aggressively sit and play with a book, pointing joyfully to pictures and blurting "Bay!" -- but GOD FORBID you have to disturb her to put her in the bath. No sad tears there, it's full-on furious FIT.

Oh! Melissa taught her about noses, and showed me: Melissa asked Katrina, "where's my nose?" and Katrina pointed to her own nose. Oh my goodness how cute!

...Anyway, I attempted a photo session with all three, to little avail. The best I got was one with Katrina's back turned. She got involved with the lemon tree, and once again, the world would stop turning and the sky would cave in if I tried to wrestle her attention away from it. (I can feel my past and future irritation creeping up at the advice to "distract" toddlers...past because that never worked on Gabriel, and future because.....oh....GOD!)


At least I got a few cute brother-sister shots.


I get to be single parent for the weekend...of two! Dave is taking Gabriel to St. Louis for a grandparent visit, on an early flight tomorrow. I'm excited for them, and Gabriel is thrilled about the upcoming trip. But I'll feel a lot better when everyone's back home!

11/9/07

11/8/07 The Guilt

I can't figure me out. I go through these huge swings of emotions about being back at work. At times, I have to stop myself from tearing up when I think about Gabriel telling me, "Aw Mom, I really really want you to pick me up from school!" What the heck and I doing, rewinding my life to being back at the same old place doing the same old stuff (well, when I remember how to do the same old stuff that is). But this isn't my real life.

Then I have moments of great gratification and perspective. I just about burst out laughing when a coworker referred to a project in the works, something like "when we get the end-to-end testbed done..." Those were the same exact words used about the same exact project when I was there two years ago! In that time, I gestated, birthed and raised a baby to 13 months, brought a whole person into the world! Boy, life moves a whole lot slower in the real world.

When I left today, I felt uplifted. I liked concentrating and using big words and not being interrupted for more than five minutes! And I looked forward to seeing all three children. I was an amazing picture of patience tonight when Julian pulled his best three-year-old whiny screaming tantrum fit (about wanting a pencil, which was promptly confiscated when he was caught bopping Katrina on the head with it). In some ways, I'm so convinced this is not the world for me anymore. In other ways, I'm just as convinced I belong in it. Maybe just not this exact one.

At the moment, I'm becoming more and more certain I want to be home with them in the afternoon when they're all in school. But by then, Gabriel will be 10. Will he still want to bop around the backyard with his bicycle helmet on, pushing trucks back and forth, digging to plant seeds, climbing on the playhouse, coming in to check on what I'm doing and inserting himself into any cooking project I might have going? Am I missing out on what I'd look back on as some of the best times of our lives together? They always say babyhood goes so fast -- try kindergarten! Aside from the eventual retrospect, there's the now. Gabriel needs downtime at home after school, and I feel awful about taking that away from him.

Meantime, my real world marches right along, oblivious to my turmoil and search for a comfort zone. The second we got home, Katrina made a beeline for this little push-toy, put it on a footstool, and started pushing it around. In many ways, being a for-the-moment baby has its advantages.

(Notice the hack job I did on her bangs last weekend, just trying to keep them out of her eyes. I should have taken her to get her hair cut, but for some reason resisted. Oh yeah, I know the reason: she's going to SCREAM and WIGGLE and FLAIL and generally completely resist. Just like she did for my quick snips, even though I did it outside so she'd be distracted by pointing to birds. Poor thing looks destined to have Julian-like flat straight hair, so the Bangs are an especially bad look when done by incompetent Mom.)

I got the boys to come upstairs eagerly by telling them they could take a bath with Katrina, which they love to do even though they're very restricted (they have to be much calmer and can't play together the usual way, lest they bonk the baby). She absolutely loves having them there, and starts all sorts of games with them, and laughs when they drop toys into the water or other such silly things.

Thanks to another early dinner, all three were in the bath by 7:15, and all three in bed by 8:10pm, without any big blowouts or nagging or yelling or anything. This part of the new work schedule really works. Despite the getting up at 6:30am thing. And despite my sad anxiety around 2:45pm when Gabriel's teacher opens his classroom door to let the kids out and he looks out hopefully for me and I'm not there.

11/8/07

11/7/07 First Day!

What a way to start the first day of what feels like a marked change in my life: with a dentist appointment. I was filled with anticipation and dread, feelings cycling up and down every few minutes, and was in no mood to sit patiently in a dentist's chair.

I know from experience that it will take a few weeks before I'm in the swing of things, and that the huge tumble of mixed feelings about this job will settle down. I was looking forward to it in many ways, but my heart sunk too when I saw the same old building in the same old place with the same old work. Paradoxically, I've been away from it long enough that much of it is new, but I was with it for so long that it all seems like old hat too. Old hat I'm not very good at right now.

Moreso, I was struck with what it was like to be back in an office. Do people really think and care about this stuff all day long? Was I one of them once? Can I ever be one of them again? Haven't I been one of them all along, on a temporary hiatus? Or am I truly done with that life? Or is my concept of that working life skewed because it's all been at the same company for the past 10 years, and I'm ready to move on? I was ready to move on before Gabriel was born, and somehow knew that that was my way out. It's ironic that this same company seems to be my way back in.

Today, I worked until 3:30pm, and went straight to pick up Katrina, then the boys. We got home at 4:50pm -- that's well over an hour of driving to pick everyone up and get home. Not to mention the morning dropoff. Yikes!

It worked well to have everyone home at 5 though, and to have had dinner basically planned, if not done. Last Sunday, I prepared three "entrees," and have a stock of TJ's things in the fridge, which I guess constitutes a menu and a plan. But the midweek trips I did with Julian and Katrina after picking them up to Target and Whole Foods and such aren't going to survive the change. Which means: weekend shopping. I hate that.

Katrina was wasted tonight, and couldn't recover from a semi-choking/coughing fit at dinner. While I paced her around, wiping her mouth, offering her milk, and trying to decide how serious this little fit was, Julian tried to make obnoxious sounds and cause trouble. But Gabriel wouldn't bite. Instead, he looked on with great concern, apparently thinking of ways to help, and finally said, "Mommy, why don't you go put her to bed?"

And I did. But this meant leaving the boys unsupervised for dinner, which meant, you guessed it, a lot of trouble and no eating dinner. I couldn't leave Katrina alone in the bath, so I called them to come upstairs. They joined her in the bath, and Dave came home to find everyone fed (sort of), and well into the bath-bed process. And it wasn't even 7:00!

There's a small group of people at work who sporadically go running at lunch, on a 4-mile route along a levy. Flat, but dirt, perfect for running. That's not enough to keep me in shape for the PG&E trail, but it's better than nothing. And most of the group are men -- I might actually have to run fast if I join them, and that could be a good workout. Once again, I don't quite know how to work the time in, but I have to believe that things will somehow fall into place.

I have no photos, it was too dark when we got home. Sniff.

11/7/07

11/6/07 The Last Day

I'm so not a morning person, but this morning, I made a good pretense of it. I dropped Katrina off at Melissa's, and was at Rancho, stretched and ready to run, before 8am. I took this self-time to commemorate the moment just before hitting the trails at 7:55am. I ran the PG&E route again, enveloped in fog the whole way until the very top when the sun broke through. I'm sure it was a personal reward from the heavens to me. On the way back, I detoured back onto the lower third of the PG&E trail in the reverse direction. I thought for sure I'd set a personal record for feet climbed, but checking Rancho Runner, another route climbs just a little bit more. Rats. In any case, it was a good last hurrah, and early -- I was done running by 10am. I don't know how I'll keep in shape to do this sort of running once I start work. Tomorrow!

Once again, my children were all thrilled and in great moods when I picked them up. I'm very happy about that, but it still perturbs me a bit. Am I really that boring to be around?! I guess so!

Julian gave me a big hug in the parking lot and said, "I had SUCH a good time, Mommy!" Once again, he was full of new little songs and gestures and stories and sayings. He seemed so proud when he talked about "my class," and he was very happily playing outside with other kids when I picked him up. Any concerns I have are alleviated, he's blooming there.

Katrina too was in fabulous form when I picked her up, full of silly cackling sounds and games and trying to grab things and throw them to impress people. Melissa had to wake her up almost four hours into an afternoon nap! No wonder she was in such a good mood.

Gabriel, ironically, is the only one who's so-so on the whole after-school care thing. He does great, he's always happily engaged in something when I pick him up, but I feel the guiltiest about him. It makes me even more certain that what I need in a job is flexibility and self-direction. This one isn't it, but maybe it's my foot back into the door of the working world, and I can start to find my way to that job independence I want.

At least I got a little more appliance-decision-making done. I've decided the two features I must have in convection wall ovens are 1) knobs; and 2) pull-out racks on rollers. These apparently simple things push the choices right into the high-end. So I twisted some high-end knobs today and was mortified by some of the things I found. The $3000 Viking's knobs have this awful spring-tweaking sound, and the knob bounces back a bit when you set it to a temperature. The $2800 GE Monogram's knob works much better, but it's so small that it's hard to tell if you set it to 325 or 350. The much more reasonably priced Kenmore Pro's knob felt great, but the position that sets the temperature is at 12 o'clock (hard to see for short people) and is identified by a teeny tiny little black mark that will scratch off in a matter of months. My best bet so far is the GE Monogram, but part of me is wondering if I'll ask myself in 10 years why I didn't spend another $1000 and get the perfect Thermador oven.

Why is any of this important? Because the specific appliances you choose can have a pretty big effect on kitchen design, and nailing down the kitchen design will be a huge step in getting this remodel going. I'm pretty sure, for instance, that I want two ovens, and that a double oven is the way to do it. That affects where to put it, the electrical layout, other appliances, such as now a microwave needs another place. Choosing the specific appliance is less important, but it can still matter if it's a weird size, or if you want to match styles of appliances. I'm told you're supposed to do that. Happily, the kitchen designer I'll probably use is a calm, patient sort and will deal with me picking appliances based on knob feel instead of the finish (a white fridge with a stainless-steel dishwasher?!).

Anyway...back to what really matters:

Katrina loves being tossed into the air, so I tried to take a little video of me throwing her up as high as I can (which isn't very high). Her laughing sounds a lot like crying, but believe me, she was all smiles, and loved this.

Just like her older older brother. It occurred to me that of my mom's five grandchildren, Katrina and Gabriel are similar, and Aidan and Julian are similar, and Remi....she's her own deal, that one! None of them are nearly as crafty, always probing to see what new things she can do, new ways of making the world hers. Aidan and Julian are sweetie-pies, sensitive and imaginative and observant. Katrina and Gabriel...bulldozers, little forces of nature.

Not just my running will give way to my rejoining the workforce -- this blog will too. Let's see if I learn to keep it short. I might have to for lack of material -- it's not nearly as much fun reporting on childcare provider's reports!

11/6/07

11/5/07 New things start today

Wow, what a day, full of new things for all!

But first, I have to note: two of our neighbors already have Christmas lights up!

This morning, Katrina went to Melissa's as usual, but earlier. I'm glad she's already established there -- at first, she cried when I left, then pouted, and now she lunges joyfully for Melissa when she sees her.

Julian started at Kids Inc today, and I immediately had doubts. When I brought him, he was so reserved, almost fearful, not meeting anyone's eyes...should I have found a cheerier, brighter place? But even before I left, he was engaged in a sponge-stamp project, and when I picked him up, he was happily playing outside with two girls. Then tonight he was full of stories, new sayings and gestures, and in an excited mood. I love that he has to take a nap, it showed today.

Gabriel was disappointed I wouldn't be picking him up from school, but as usual, I found him happily engaged in an activity at the CDC. Little did he know (even though we told him) that Dad and Mom had been there that morning to talk to his teacher about him: Parent-Teacher Conference Day!! Goal-setting conference, as they call it.

As we expected, there was almost nothing to report. He's slow and often doesn't complete his work, but she doesn't want to rush him and is looking for creative ways of teaching kids to complete something quickly. To our surprise, she said he's very articulate and his writing is excellent. We did note that his writing has improved dramatically, and she said they do practice writing a lot. Not surprisingly, she's noticed his perfectionism and dedication to order, and showed us a calendar that the kids were supposed to fill out for November. It was a math exercise of writing the numbers from 1 to 30, disguised as filling out the dates for November in blank squares of a calendar. But Gabriel being Gabriel insisted on filling in the dates for the end of October and the beginning of December too, even (unnecessarily) splitting the last Sunday in November between 25 (November) and 2 (December). No square left unfilled, that would disrupt The Order. Other than pronouncing a few letters, in all areas he's advanced beyond what they expect of kindergartners. My guess is that he'll always do OK in school because he's so ordered. Then again, that could set the stage for a mondo teenage rebellion.

But today I was most worried about Katrina. Would she feel isolated all day at Melissa's? No problem; Melissa had two other kids with her (including her own 7-year-old son), and when I picked her up, she was in an astounding mood. With the other kids there, she was in her element, crawling around and giggling and showing off with Gabriel-esque exuberance.

All told, all the kids were in good shape. I left to pick everyone up at 4pm, and got home at almost 5pm, though I spent a lot of time debriefing with Melissa and the staff at Kids Inc, more than I usually would. Still, the pickups will be arduous, and the order will be a challenge. It'll be most convenient to pick Katrina up first straight from work, but most inconvenient to lug her around and strap and unstrap her twice to pick up the boys. It'll take a while to figure out the optimum schedule. Getting home tonight at 5pm was the max, and that's with having the main "entree" for dinner already prepared. (Get ready for this: I prepared three meals last Sunday, ready-to-go from the fridge to the oven. Think that's going to work? I give it 30% odds!)

Even though Katrina only had one nap today, she was in fine form at home. Her latest thing is to raid a cabinet, find an object, set it on a footstool, and then push it around, practicing walking.



Melissa said today she stood unassisted for several seconds....until she realized what she was doing, then tumbled to her bottom! Katrina turned 13 months old today, so nothing speedy about this walking development, but she still has 4 months to beat her brothers. I hope it's less than that.

My day was fabulously productive, meeting with our architect, then with a kitchen designer with the architect. This helped focus the discussion on both sides, and I was very happy with the thorough list of questions the designer asked me. In the end, I felt that she had a very good idea of what I want (function) and what I need (form), and will be a big help in nailing this down. I can't wait!

One more day before work starts. My Plan is to go on a big run tomorrow, but I'm not sure how feasible that will be after getting up so early to bring Katrina to Melissa's. Though it's clear the whole family operates better on an earlier schedule -- all three were in bed before 8 tonight, and I give a nod of thanks to Congress for that -- I never really will.

11/5/07

11/4/07 The Appliance-shopping

Lordy! I'm up to my eyeballs in ovens, dishwashers, features, rangetops, Consumer Reports, epinions.com....the folly of having too much choice!

But I've learned a lot. A very knowledgeable appliance salesman put an end to the handle-up v. handle-down wars of dishwasher utensil loading. And the winner is? Handle UP. Because your hands should never contact the food surface. (I always thought it was so your hands don't get cut or sticky, and the one time every 6 months you might have to re-wash a spoon is worth it).

I've also learned that I too can be easily suckered by appearance. I just love this Thermador wall oven, because of its nice handy beefy knobs and great features, but especially because of the cute analog clock right smack dab in the middle. Aww. Then I saw the price and just about had a heart attack. I'm going to indulge myself, but not that much! Knobs are a must though, most ovens have touch-screens and I've had it with that.

I went to an open house today, at a brand-new house, just to calibrate what you get in a kitchen of a $1.8M house. Not bad, but it has lots of things I don't want (dark cabinets, chimney-style range hood, double sinks, oven/microwave in one unit, 2nd prep sink), and lacks some details I'd really like (tile niche above the cooktop). And the cabinets were too high, just like in my current kitchen. My kitchen won't be completely designed around the fact that I'm 5'1", but I sure would like to be able to reach the 2nd shelf without tippy-toes.

The crucial element to making so much progress in choosing kitchen appliances was Peggy. She came early Saturday afternoon so Dave and I could make it to an appointment at an appliance store, to Katrina's delight. Now I can play outside allll afternoon!

Even though this poor old truck has lost its rear wheels, Katrina liked it so much that when I tried to pick her up for a brief Mommy-Baby bonding moment, she let out the most furious ear-piercing defiant SHRIEK you can imagine from such a tiny little person. This wasn't sad longing, this was outraged full-body heart-and-soul protest. Well, heaven forbid I come between her and her pathetic little truck!


I needed the hug. I'd just come from a very very sad memorial service for a 2004 mom I didn't know well, but liked tremendously. As did the hundreds of other tearful mourners at the service. She was much too young and energetic and giving and wonderful to fall victim to a sudden stroke at age 35. Nothing was more heartbreaking than her 3-year-old daughter crying "Daddyy...!" and running to the sobbing bereaved husband, right in the middle of his remembrance talk. The tragedy is overwhelming, the loss devastating, the search for "meaning" futile. I found cold solace in Katrina's rejection of my affection, as she pointedly and insistently reminded me that life goes on. I just wasn't quite ready for that reminder yet.

Not only does life go on, but it changes drastically. Tomorrow, Julian goes to a new place. Katrina goes to a familiar place, but for much longer. I don't start work until Wednesday, leaving me precious spare hours to get many things taken care of. Not the least of which is one last long run at Rancho San Antonio. I just don't know how that's going to happen after I start work. That last run might be what I need to lift my heavy heart.

11/4/07