9/4/08 Back to school night

I'm not partisan. I don't like listening to either convention. But when I listen to NPR the entire 2 hours a day I spend driving, some of it is bound to creep in during the news.

This morning, it was all about Sarah Palin's speech last night. Like her or not, she makes some pretty good sound bites. I loved her delivery on her comment about the tenacity it takes to be a hockey mom: "You know what they say the difference is between a hockey mom and a pit bull?" (perfectly timed pause)..."Lipstick."

Maybe that was why I wasn't paying attention when I was carrying Katrina to Tonya's house this morning. I tripped over the sidewalk, stumbled, and couldn't recover -- boom, down we went. My left forearm took the brunt of it, instead of my hands, to cushion a startled Katrina. She landed on my arm, my hand cradling her head, and somehow I managed not to land on her. Or break my arm. It's no wonder where she gets her clumsiness from. She didn't at all appreciate the sacrifice.

Tonight was Back to School Night at Gabriel's school. We recruited Tonya's daughters to play with our little trio on the school playground for the 45 minutes allotted to parents in the classroom with the teacher. Five of which was taken up by the chatty principal on the loudspeaker urging teachers to end on time.

Gabriel's teacher would have finished close to on time, but a minute or so after time, a mom roped her into a question about how to teach subtraction at home, so that her daughter doesn't get confused with the method taught at school. This is so far from my reality...I can't imagine having that much time or attention, yet. They're in first grade for chrissake. Give your kid an allowance, she'll learn fast about subtraction.

Meantime, Gabriel, Julian and Katrina had a great time playing in the completely unshaded playground in the midst of a late-summer heatwave....urgh. Fortunately it was late enough that it was starting to cool off.


Kassidy, one of the girls minding Katrina, and who sees her every weekday, commented that she's a handful! Sort of, it's not like she's always running away or anything. She's just very OPINIONATED. Her Opinion about dinner tonight was, "What, are you freakin' out of your mind?! NFW!!!!"

I challenged Gabriel to see if he could get undressed, clothes in laundry, shoes put away, showered, dried, and in Pull-Ups (sigh, still) and pajamas in 5 minutes. He did it in 4:20. Sucker! But, wow. Beating the clock was actually more motivating than the ice cream that I insisted he could only have after he was ready for bed. MOMom.

9/4/08

9/3/08 Gabriel and Katrina

...but not ours. There's a Gabriel and a Katrina at Julian's really pretty small preschool. Who knew!

I picked up Julian today at the tail end of his "Science Explorers" class. When we first got the flyer for this extra class, we blew it off, turned off by all the "stimulates" and "develops" language. But Julian's teacher let him take the class one day when there was an absence, and she told me that he loved it. So we signed him up.

Today was the class day, and I walked in and found the teacher was working with him, and she just about melted when she saw I was his mom. "He's so well-behaved!" she exclaimed. I don't know if it's a sell job or what -- these classes aren't cheap -- but according to the science teacher and Julian's teacher, he really takes to the science class. So far, they mostly look like fun, which I'm all for. Learning, ok, great, whatever. Most 4-year-olds learn about centrifugal forces by whirling a ball on a rope around their head on their own anyway.

Katrina skipped her daily mealtime tantrum tonight. I'm a new woman.

9/3/08

9/2/08 "Tata"

Tonight I caught the tail end of Katrina's daily coming-home tantrum, which was derailed by leftover zucchini frittata. Eggs, zucchini, ham, perfect. And despite her automatic protests, she was finally ready to eat. Then the storm blows over, just like that, and she takes bites of "tata" between glowers at me.


Last night after our walk, when it was almost dark, this is what Katrina thought of my plan to take her inside. The concrete is too scratchy to lie down on and throw a complete fit, but she was ramping up for it. She looks pretty harmless in this video, in retrospect.


Summer's over, and I'm filled with regrets. No swim lessons, no fountains, no beach. On the other hand, we had a nice family visit, a Park Week (even if we all got sick), daycamps, and some enjoyable moments on outings between Katrina tantrums. I'm feeling very confined by remodeling, toddler tantrums, and a fearsome back injury. Well, it might as well all hit at once.

Would someone please explain the appeal of the TLC reality show "Jon & Kate + Eight"? I mean really, despite 8 kids, it's just a family through normal day-to-day activities, with lots of kids crying and mom being exasperated -- I get enough of that in my own real life. What's so interesting about someone else's dirty laundry? .... But I love it!! I hope it's on tonight!! (Thanks for getting me hooked, Ro!)

9/2/08

9/1/08 Letterbox parks

I like this combination: look for a letterbox in a local park, then stay and play in the park afterward.

Gabriel found the box today.


This is a really lovely park with a fabulous dry creekbed to play in -- shaded, curved, lots of places to hide, slide and run.




Except once again, little sister would have none of it. Fuss, cry, scream, draw looks of grave concern from onlookers -- what is that woman doing to that child?!. Once again I found myself irritated and frustrated to tears -- can't I just enjoy the simplest thing with the boys?! This child is nonstop trouble!

So I regretfully pulled the boys out to find a place for Katrina to play where I could see them too.

They made do. Gabriel planted himself on this digger and stayed until we left.


Julian, in his remarkable capacity to make friends, somehow got into a game of lacross with a nearby Dad!


Katrina found a tunnel on a play structure, forcing me to hang out in blazing sun and not have a place to sit to rest my back (though sitting isn't so great either).


At least she was happy for a while, which poses another problem: how to extract her to go home. Fortunately, a pancake from this morning's breakfast handled the transition.


We reconciled later in the day, when I took her for a power-walk around the neighborhood in the jogging stroller. Gosh, I miss running. Walking just isn't the same. But it was fun to chat with Katrina on our walk, and play her new game of her saying "Thank you!" and you respond "You're welcome!" and she giggles. She went "whee!" and "zoom zoom!" for most of our 40-minute walk. As long as we were moving, she was very happy. Life on her terms.

9/1/08

8/31/08 The neighborhood

We went to a Labor Day party today, hosted by some unexpected neighbors. My father has "hooked up" with a lady in the lovely home where he's living now, a lady who's at about the same stage of dementia as he is. Their hookup has meant a lot to us, as well as her family, since they're both very happy and spend every second of the day together. They've even moved into the same room now, facilitated by one of the lady's two daughters, Cindy, who lives nearby in Massachusetts.

We thought it was ironic when Dad's lady's other daughter, Cathy, also lives in California, but were all blown away when it turned out to be the same exact city! Just one zip code over. And, Cathy and Larry happened to be visiting back East at the same time we were, so we met them at Cindy's house, and much of the rest of the family, last July. They're all such nice, generous, interesting people.

So Cathy and her husband Larry -- a professional chef, lucky me -- invited us to an annual Labor Day bash at their house today. I was touched by their invitation, and was really looking forward to seeing them, so we all went this afternoon.

It was very risky arriving anywhere at 1pm with Katrina before her nap, but we took two cars and were completely prepared to bail. Actually, she did really well for about an hour, and Dave took her home without disgrace for once. The boys played with another 4-year-old Aidan for a long time too.

Their house is stunning, beautifully remodeled, decorated and landscaped, not a hair out of place. But still comfortable and relaxed, not formal at all, with various touches around the house that come from Cathy's partial upbringing in Hong Kong. I took a few photos before my camera battery died, and this is probably the least attractive one, but, I want this pantry!

Not only are Cathy and Larry very nice and interesting people, but so are all their friends. Many of them live in our same city too, and I had a great time getting to know so many neighbors. Many families with young children arrived as well, so there were no shortage of other parents to exchange war stories with and playmates for the boys. Cathy is a very serious cyclist, so there was a big athlete contingent as well.

Friends, neighbors, backyards, parties, gatherings...community!

8/31/08

8/30/08 Party, party

Arrgghh....Katrina's capacity to make even the most innocuous outing miserable is unmatched.

This morning, I took her and Julian to a kitchen & bath store, then to a paint store. I didn't want to, but I have a deadline for bathroom vanities. I had very specific goals in mind, no putzing or browsing, and indeed, I was out of both places in 15 minutes and 5 minutes, respectively. We went in the morning, right after a big breakfast, so she was at her best of the day.

Katrina's best, however, includes ear-splitting shrieks if her playful brother so much as looks at her the wrong way, scraping a plastic toy along walls and bathroom fixtures to create the highest-pitched most irritating sound possible, throwing her arms around my legs and crying, followed immediately by flailing and demanding to be put down, freaking out if the wrong item is offered to her or if the right item falls out of her reach. I figured the lady at the bath place would triple the estimate I was requesting just to get us out of there. Meantime, my 4-year-old boy, not usually the most agreeable demographic, quietly sat and colored.

We fared a little better in the paint store, perhaps because I put her in the stroller. But once again, when she let loose her disapproval of, oh, say, the way the stroller was facing, she was shot looks from other customers that went beyond irritation and well into alarm.

I'll give her this: my decision-making process becomes far, far more efficient when she's there. No overthinking anything; I have no choice but to go with my first instincts.

This evening, Gabriel had a birthday party at a nearby inflatable play place, for a former kindergarten classmate. I brought him alone and dropped him off, though I stayed for a little while to chat with some of the other moms. Gabriel launched right into high-energy mode, showing off and jumping around like a madman, or running through a tightly packed huddle of giggling girls -- playing around them, but not exactly with them. They actually talked to each other.

The mom of the birthday girl assured me more boys were invited, though the gender imbalance hadn't occurred to me. I was too busy being bemused by the fact that I was the only mom not wearing a sari. And being the only boy so far clearly didn't bother Gabriel (others arrived later and I doubt he noticed that either).

Foolishly, I brought Katrina with me to pick Gabriel up from the party, mostly so Dave could eat dinner in peace. I don't know, maybe I thought it'd be fun to show off my cute toddler to those moms who'd I'd told about her. It wasn't a bad idea in theory, and several other moms had toddlers there too, for the whole party.

Once again, disaster. I don't know what came over me, but I gave Katrina a cup of watered-down apple juice, and she was outraged when I didn't stand at the crowded, wet, sticky table and just keep pouring her more. I tried to extract Gabriel from the throngs of kids, get him to thank the hostess and gather things to go, while Katrina angrily stormed away from me, crying furiously. Other parents saw her and started to comfort her if they didn't know me, or frantically pointed her out to me if they did. This tiny little girl walking around by herself, wailing in a small room swarmed with 6-year-olds, must be terrified and lost and desperately wants her mother's comfort! Yeah right.

I braced myself to pick her up and leave, when Gabriel started to go back into the fray. With Katrina flailing and screaming in a football hold, and in no position to weave through the crowd again to retrieve him, I had to call for my sometimes-hearing-impaired son so sharply that once again, I drew the now-familiar startled looks. I threw a harried and apologetic thank-you to the hostess over my shoulder, grabbed Gabriel's hand, and made a hasty ignominious exit. Stares followed me like a wake behind a boat.

Arrrgh. I did survive this once already, right? Does that qualify or excuse me from surviving it again?! I don't want to take her anywhere anymore!

Really, she can be a lot of fun. It's just all on her terms.

8/30/08

8/29/08 Underachiever

I had all sorts of plans for today, my day "off" -- sort of. Yet few of them were accomplished. I think I just heap everything that's pressuring me to get done into one day, unrealistically. I'm so unproductive. Yet somehow, other women my age manage to have a Down's baby and four other children, and still find time to govern Alaska and run for vice-president. I couldn't even get dinner made tonight.

Before driving north to pick up my car tonight, I managed to get the crew to pose for a photo. This isn't the best one of all three, but Julian's face is irresistable.


After picking up my car, Dave took the boys out to dinner, and I came home with Katrina, who had the rare treat of being able to put together train tracks without fraternal interference. She loves these train tracks.

So do I. These have been far and away our longest-lasting toy, as Gabriel got them when he was Katrina's age, for Christmas. Unlike his two younger siblings, he couldn't put tracks together until he was at least 2-1/2.

I'm sure keeping the cows in business though. Today at TJs I bought just about every dairy product there is: milk, cottage cheese, several types of yogurt, several types of cheese, sour cream, half-and-half, heavy cream, several kinds of cheese, butter and ice cream!

8/29/08

8/28/08 First week of first grade

Gabriel's teacher sent home a "welcome parents" note the first day of school, with logistics about things like forgotten lunches and dropoff times. But the first thing it says is:

"Expect your child to be EXTREMELY TIRED for the first month of school. He/she may also have butterflies, aches and pains, and/or tears."

This is as much outside Gabriel's world as crying when Mommy was mad when he was a toddler (which the new reader might not know: that never happened). Hmm, those things might be related.

Gabriel brought home a sampling of work he did in class today. I was a little surprised to see addition so soon; I recall this sort of work being "extra" in kindergarten. Maybe the teacher was calibrating to find out what her class knows. Of course, what do I know of first-grade math?

Nothing is teaching Gabriel arithmetic faster than having an allowance though. The opportunities are endless: "How many more weeks before you have enough saved for that Lego racer car?" We've even had to [ try to ] explain percentages to him. There's no way around it when there's sales tax involved. "Why does California want my money?" he asks innocently.

However, the biggest challenge for a new allowance-receiver is where to keep the money and not to lose it!

Earlier on the learning scale, we have our budding botanist giving flowers kisses.


I don't think Katrina is quite speaking in sentences yet, as in, putting together individual words with grammar. Two, maybe three words, like, "help open box." But she sure says a lot of "sentences," such as: "turn on the light," and knows what the phrase means even if she doesn't understand its components. She's a little parrot right now, repeating back everything anyone says. And she talks a lot, yakking away in her own little language, with a few recognizable English words peppered in there.

She has a huge advantage in language development right now, which is two older siblings. Not only do they talk to her, but she hears her brothers talk to each other. They get a big kick out of enticing her to say silly or gross things.

Julian's language is so well-established that it's hard to believe that if he were suddenly moved to another country and never heard English again, it's quite possible he'd never remember that he ever spoke English. At 4-1/2, he won't have a lot of memories of this part of his life. Gabriel at 6-1/2 might have a better shot at remembering English. My friend Heike forgot most of her German when her family moved here when she was 6 (she later studied it and it came back quickly). Of course, there are individual differences -- Julian by nature is a much faster and more natural language-learner.

I find all this fascinating. I was one of the very few undergrads who didn't find the class "The Psychology of Language" really boring. I just talked to my college roommate today, and she told me she's back in school, for another master's in another field (nursing). I always thought it'd be interesting to go back and study psychology with more than an easy 'A' in mind...especially when it turned into not-so-easy Bs.

I'm so glad a 3-day weekend is coming up. I've felt a lot of self-induced pressure getting this school/work/remodel routine in place. Downtime is due. And a handy heatwave to coincide. Shorts weather, finally! I know white after Labor Day is a fashion faux pas, that rules out my pasty office legs.

8/28/08

8/27/08 Welcome Back Parents

Collins held a "Welcome Back Parents" night tonight. After work, meeting with our kitchen designer, returning something at REI, picking up all 3 kids, making dinner and staggering from what I fear is the onset of a migraine, I blew it off. Next week is a "Back to School Night" in the classrooms anyway, in which we meet the teacher and get a tour of the classroom. That's far more important. I just couldn't do it two weeks in a row.

Besides, I really felt the need to exercise tonight, and managed to sneak in a 28-minute swim. Not much, but I feel much better.

Julian really really wants to know how the Tooth Fairy knows a child has lost a tooth. "Do you call her on her cell phone?" he asked, so sincerely I didn't have the heart to lie to him. But I can't break the truth to him either! Especially not when Gabriel got a dollar in the special little tooth pillow. I'm running out of ways to put him off. "She just knows."

Besides, no one can prove or disprove the existence of the tooth fairy anymore than we can God....for all we know, there really is a tooth fairy. I'm not enough of a person of faith to discount that possibility.

8/27/08

8/26/08 7:20am

Our little crew crammed into the back of Dave's car, which I'll be driving for at least tomorrow, on the way back from dropping off my car for service.

I can't say I'd be heartbroken if the Subaru dealer found something catastrophically wrong with my car and I needed a new one. But I'd shed heavy tears for our checkbook.

Our remodel is going well, basically, though it's turning into a ton more work (meaning: money) than we'd expected, like probably having to repaint the entire upstairs. I'm entering the phase of a project in which you start to think it's just reality, that a torn-up house and a constant stream of bad news is permanent and that ownership of our house is reversed -- it owns us, not the other way around. Sort of like the later phases of a pregnancy when you start to think it's all a big joke someone's playing on you and you're going to be pregnant forever.

I woke up with a start at 7:20 this morning. 20 minutes late from the get-go! Incredibly, I got everyone dressed, fed, sunscreened, packed up and into the car by 7:58, but it was a stretch made only possible by thorough preparation the night before, and Dave dressing Katrina. This thing about making lunches in the morning...I'm just not in that sphere of competence.

It's staggering to think how much easier our mornings would be without having to load up the crew in the car and do a forced march in a massive minivan parade to the school, or a mad dash and an extra charge at the CDC for morning care to avoid it. But no, in this, one of the most affluent school districts in the country, there are no school buses.

Someday...someday... no more thinking of 7:20am as late to get up. I'm just not made for it.

8/27/08

8/25/08 Carrying the load

Gabriel got out of school today, complaining of a "chest pain." It so happened Dave was at our jobsite house anyway when he got the call, plus he'd taken time off this morning anyway to look at siding samples, so he threw up his hands and called it a day. So he picked up Gabriel from the school office and took him to the pediatrician this afternoon.

By the time Gabriel got to see the doc, he was feeling better. The best she could come up with was that maybe carrying a backpack now was making him sore. I find that a little hard to believe, since I got him a Land's End "featherlight" pack, he's only carried it to school twice, and empty both times! But Gabriel isn't one to complain if he doesn't really feel something, and it's not like him to make something up just to get out of school. So we both truly believe something was wrong, we just have no idea what.

This resulted in a major time windfall for me this evening. No pickups! Better yet, I got to make dinner without being interrupted 100 times and with my blood pressure at normal levels. As I was making rice, defrosting hazelnut-crusted trout, heating fish sticks, steaming pre-cut cauliflower and cutting bread, my friend's pointed words rang in my head: "I never cook." Well, of course not never -- she meant on the worknights she walks in the door with 3 hungry tired children after a full day, as I do. I need to pin her down on if "cooking" includes heating TJ's fish sticks.

Major decision about the outside of our house: shingles on the 2nd story, or not?

8/25/08

8/24/08 Color-shopping

Today we took a drive, then short walk, around a neat neighborhood in central San Jose that has lots of older houses, many built in the era our house was. We did this to get an idea of what colors houses of our era were painted. I'd like to get away from white if we can, though white is quite historically accurate for old farmhouses.

As usual, any outing was complicated in spades by having our so-not-go-with-the-flow youngest member of the family along.

Cute as she was, she immediately insisted on stopping or going her own way, and within a few minutes got into a full-on rage that had me just wanting to pack up and put my faith in 1" square paper samples at the paint store.

I'm thinking light gray, Dave's thinking greener, and we saw enough shades inbetween that we're pretty sure we can easily find the right thing. If the factory-painted fiber-cement shingles we have in mind offer a color that's acceptable, that means the whole second story won't have to be painted -- ever! That's a very appealing idea!

Still, we hit paydirt stopping to look at a house whose owner happened to be outside, painting it! He called for his wife, and they explained to us how they'd completely redone their house, and put shingles on the 2nd story as we're considering doing, but weren't happy with the installation. They did exactly what we were doing, driving around looking at other houses to get color ideas, and painted their first story a slightly darker shade than the second (hmm).

They also had an adorable 2-1/2-year-old daughter, who played pleasantly in front while we hurried through the conversation, aware of our little time bomb strapped into the car. The fuse was lit upon being released from the car and given the opportunity to walk around. Boom! There was no winning.

Squarely in the OCD-worrywart department: today I noticed a comment in Gabriel's school's newsletter that congratulated Mrs. Olifant for her retirement from teaching first grade. Mrs. O---?! That's the name of the teacher who gave daily homework! A mom I'd met whose son had just finished first grade with her had told me that it blew them away. I thought the mom had said Olifant, but when there was no Olifant, and there was an Olsen, I figured I just didn't remember right. Retired!

Really, my relief is ill-founded. The school doesn't heap unreasonable work on, and this is about our child's education, after all. In fact, the CDC is offering a "homework club" in which the CDC staff sits with the kids and helps them get through homework. On the surface, it sounds like a great idea, but I'm balking at it. Dave and I -- and Gabriel -- got a lot out of doing his kindergarten homework together. When he's older, the supervision will transition more to just getting it done from how, but I think in first grade we'll still get a lot out of doing it together. So, daily homework...if it happens, we just buck up and deal with it. I have lots of bucking up to do anyway.

8/24/08

8/23/08 The Straightjackets

The boys were getting so out-of-control and rambunctious this afternoon that despite time limitations (Dave and I were going out), I had to get them out. So I took them for only slightly-needed haircuts, just to disrupt their rapidly building momentum toward complete chaos. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing both of them under the haircutting smocks, hands confined, tented into docility. Too bad I didn't bring my camera. It was a glorious ten minutes. And they looked quite dapper afterward!

8/23/08

8/22/08 Tooth Fairy

It's official! I'm strapping on my wings and playing Tooth Fairy tonight.

Gabriel isn't entirely buying the fairy bit, but he wants the cash enough to play along.

Another very difficult coming-home tonight, and that's with not going to work today. Katrina's tentative state transitioned to full-on toddler-tantrum after a stinky diaper change, and her furious rejections of anything I tried to calm her afterward resulted in me standing outside, holding her and feeding her. My back has been inflamed and irritated today (always is ultra-sensitive after physical therapy), I had things on the stove, and this was just not good.

Insisting on being held suddenly flipped to demanding being put down, so she had some dinner outside while the boys pushed each other around on a little firetruck.


I'm doing something wrong, and I think I know what now. I doggedly quizzed my hapless mom-friends about how they handle getting home from work, walking in the door with three, making dinner, and not losing your mind. After careful analysis of the data, I've reached the conclusion: stop cooking! This is a bummer, because cooking has become fun for me, though it's exactly opposite of fun when I burn a panful of garlic because I have to run outside for the 200th time to scold bothersome brothers. Other than self-indulgence, I have no excuse for trying to actually cook. Everyone's fine with semi-convenience foods, and I have 5 Trader Joe's within 15 minutes driving distance, two freezers, and a telephone.

The remodel project is becoming onerous. Every time we go to the jobsite, there's more major news. The electrical run to the upstairs and the downstairs subpanel need to be replaced. The main plumbing pipe from upstairs wasn't right. A whole new fire-rated wall, a great deal of new plywood sheathing, new siding, new subfloor, a ton of unexpected framing to support floor joists that were suspended in mid-air, a tyrant of an inspector who really will make us tear out a whole wall if it protrudes 3/8" into a setback.

All these things are possible when you open existing walls in an old house that's been added on to several times, but did they all have to happen? I haven't dared ask our contractor how our schedule is looking, because he'll tell it to me straight, and I'm not sure I can take it.

Still, the good news is that the whole team takes every development in stride, and deals with it, no excuses, no heel-dragging. We really have top-quality resources. I especially rejoice in scenes like this: the jobsite foreman (who's excellent), the kitchen designer and architect all talking together.

No communication breakdown is going to prevent the kitchen bay window from being placed at absolutely the correct height for the countertop to flow into it!

I continue to express my appreciation with baked goods; today the crew got (slightly overbaked) zucchini muffins.

Meantime, I still prefer our new neighborhood, and while our rental house is pretty plain, we're more than getting by. We're going to end up with quite the palace, but I'm more of a quaint farmhouse sort of person. That is, provided it works well, which ours didn't. Still, how do these things get away from me?

8/22/08

8/21/08 First of First!

Off to school! Poor kid doesn't seem to mind that I send him in this dorky "Class of 2020 shirt." Incredibly, no one gets the joke.


It was all pretty straightforward; Gabriel knew where his room was and led me there. I chatted a bit with other parents, some of whom I vaguely recognized but couldn't possibly place their names or their kids' names, which are mostly these long lovely elegant Indian names with multiple syllables sewn together in such a way that my Western brain will never keep together. I was raised with Amys and Jeffs.

It seems the Cupertino school district's only African-American first-grader is in his class. Caleb and Gabriel are doing their part to create diversity in this otherwise mostly homogenous class. I chatted a bit with Caleb's parents, they're very very nice. All the parents are really nice.

The teacher surveys the troops. No doubt about it, this is the teacher we saw at the first-grade orientation who was pointed out as giving daily homework!



I'm swinging wildly about this whole school thing again. Daily homework, that's out of control for a first-grader. But then Tonya told us two of her girls had had this teacher, and Tonya said she's awesome. She seems highly regarded by the other teachers, and experienced. And she seemed really nice. OK, I feel better.

Then I see the kids sitting at tables facing the front, two to a table. Are they really ready in first grade to be sitting lecture-style in a classroom? It irks me. They're just little kids! But then, I'm fairly certain my first-grade class was arranged that way too, with a reading corner (which I used to trap boys in to kiss). Back then, parents didn't fret about things like table orientation.

Is this really the right thing for him? If I can find fault in this, couldn't I find fault in just about any school setup? And any decisions or changes or doubts I have now aren't just about Gabriel -- I have to think about the other two also. And I really don't know what to think about them.

I wonder what junior-high-school teachers have to say about McCauliffe (the whole-learning warm-n-fuzzy school) kids versus Collins kids, and heck, Faria (the full-on straight academics school) kids. And then, I wonder what the high school teachers have to say. I'll bet by high school they can't tell who went where. Not that that doesn't matter in other ways, of course.

Overall, I tend to think that kids are going to succeed if they're inclined to succeed and have good support at home. Certainly the kind of early schooling they get will influence it, but it won't make or break them in the end. A whole-learning approach school could help ordered Gabriel with out-of-the-box thinking, or it could deprive him of the structure he thrives in. Conversely, whole-learning could nurture Julian's imagination, but wouldn't develop his putzy lazy side. Julian's very social in pre-K, chit-chatting away instead of doing his work. Ah, the torch has been passed -- just like his mom!

But all I can do is speculate, and agonize on major decisions based only on speculation. Maybe I should just let it go -- we're in a middle-of-the-road situation, Gabriel's basically happy, and this is our life. If I need to tweak and meddle in someone's life, it should probably be my own.

Minor disaster after school: Gabriel didn't go to the CDC as I'd told him several times to do. Instead he told his teacher I was coming to get him, and when I didn't show up, she brought him to the school office. The CDC folks called me to check, then found him in the school office. Lots of CDC-bound first-graders got confused today, apparently! In kindergarten, the CDC staff collects them straight from the room. Not first grade -- they're on their own.

But boy did I feel bad, thinking of Gabriel standing by the door, looking out for me, waiting hopefully, disappointment creeping in with each passing minute. It's that same sinking feeling at an airport, watching a nearly empty baggage carousel going around with one or two suitcases that you anxiously check each time, even though you know they're not yours. Then the dreaded thunk....they've stopped the carousel. No bags. No hope. No Mom.

Gabriel went through this the last day of school too, and now again the first day of school. This rots. I should have been there to pick him up today. There will come a time when he doesn't care. But I always will.

8/21/08

8/20/08 Two Lunches

It's official! Tonight was the first time of future thousands that I made two lunches. All set for tomorrow, in their lunch sacks with their names stitched on them: half a PB&J, yogurt, berries, carrots, and milk.

Someday, it will be three, and then I'll be grateful when it goes back down to two.

I've actually been pretty spoiled making just Julian's lunch the past few weeks. He's a really flexible eater, and I can come up with a much wider variety of things to give him, including most dinner leftovers. Actually, he does better with variety, he's less likely to eat something if he got it the day before. But Gabriel...standard kid-stuff, same-old, same-old.

A note on food pickiness....I don't know if Katrina is genuinely picky, or just very opinionated. Well, opinionated we do know. She was outraged when I offered her tortellini for dinner tonight, screaming and crying and throwing her arms around. The nerve of me! No, she'd spotted the bananas, and that was it. So dinner was a banana, peas and yogurt. I tried about 5 things inbetween, but she refused, immediately, vociferously, and very very loudly. It's not worth fighting with her about food, she's too young. Besides, she'd always win.

Gabriel often won't try things because...well, he's a kid. Kids do that. Julian will then claim not to like something just to follow along. Tonight, I made a (really good if I do say so myself) florentine lasagna, and Gabriel instantly rejected it, which Julian did immediately too. I considered bailing and giving them something else, but some combination of philosophy and inertia and miffedness kept me in my seat. So we talked about it instead. There's a lot to say about lasagna: how to say "Florence" in Italian, that spinach is superfood, what a silly word ricotta is, that the noodles are like pages in a book. In time, Julian was curious enough to try it, and not only did he like it, but he even asked that I pack it for lunch for him.

Gabriel...well, he tried the required 3 bites, then he got Katrina's leftover peas, baby slobber and all. Too bad. It's more important that he not get used to me waiting on him than it is for him to have a perfectly balanced 3-course meal. Even if it is the night before first grade starts. Letting go...one of the toughest skills for a mom.

After swimming tonight, I stopped by Gabriel's school to see the posted class lists. It's really been weighing on me: is he -- that is, are we -- going to get the one teacher that gives homework every day? Nightmare!!

I can't remember the teacher's name, but I'm fairly certain it's the only one that starts with 'O'. Scan the lists...six classes, 10 girls and 10 boys per class....there it is, Doudna, Gabriel...Mrs. Olsen. DANG!!!

Well, if any first-grader is suited to daily homework, Gabriel is....heeyyyyy, I wonder if that has anything to do with it.....??

Katrina found another hand-me-down hat that passed her complex and top-secret criteria for approval.

I'm not really into dressing little girls, but this short little dress-and-bubble-bottom combo is so cute!

As if it really needs to be said again, first day of first grade tomorrow! Among the many other things that means, it also marks one year from tomorrow that the boys will be in the same school!

8/20/08

8/19/08 First loose tooth!

Gabriel has a loose tooth! His first!

He didn't even know it. I was flossing his teeth tonight and noticed it right away. He asked me again and again which tooth was loose, until finally after 15 minutes he could find it himself. It's really pretty darned loose, one of the very front ones on the bottom. It's pretty exciting for me too!

I thought it might be fun to look for my high school yearbook with the photo of me with my last missing tooth. Turns out, it wasn't fun at all looking for it. And I still can't find it. All my scrapbook stuff is in boxes too, and even if I were to unpack it, I'm not sure where I could spread out and scrap. Not scrapping is starting to weigh on me. I think that's why I've been baking like crazy, as a poor, and very caloric, substitute for scrapbooking.

Later addendum: I found my yearbook! Here's my senior photo, with my last missing tooth. The new one hadn't even started growing back in yet. The gap was horribly embarrassing for a self-conscious 17-year-old high school senior.

(circa 1981)

In other tooth news, Katrina now has 4 molars, one per side and one per jaw, nicely symmetric and opposing. All bets are off for food now - she can chew steak.

Except for that toddler personality thing. She's all about bananas these days ("mana-mana-MANA-MANA??!?"), so I have to hide them before giving her dinner. Not that living on bananas is a bad thing, but just how much potassium does one baby need?

8/19/08

8/18/08 Somersault Olympics

I came up with a "great" idea to distract the boys from the nonstop pestering of their fascinating, but frazzled, little sister tonight: somersaulting down the narrow hallway in our rental house. Here was my attempt to get them to do it together, which is actually sort of funny in its failure.

Katrina cottoned onto this activity, and did her silly giggly waddly showoff trot up and down the hall, interfering with her brothers' fun. But when the boys were out of the way, she started somersaulting down the hallway herself! I didn't think she could do that!

Of course, this exercise mostly served to completely rile up the boys, and they were completely out of control for well over half an hour.

I had a really tough evening coming home tonight. Katrina was in good shape, but I had to drop dinner-making and run every few minutes to handle piercing shrieks. Ordinary screeches I've come to ignore, but ones that indicate pain are something else. The boys just wouldn't quit bugging her, and in a time of day when she's already edgy. She got pushed down, a tricycle run into her, pebbles tossed at her, toys put in her way, trapped behind a shed, toys taken out of her hands, blankets put over her head -- and this is all affectionate play! None of it malicious, but none of it welcome, especially not by me. How many times and in how many ways do I have to say L E A V E - H E R - A L O N E!!! Someone remind me why I try so hard to get everyone home early in the evening??

8/18/08

8/17/08 Pizza Party

This afternoon I set up our two tents in the backyard, as something of a dry run for our camping trip coming up in September. Naturally, the boys had a great time playing in them.


These tents are the ones Dave and I each used on our various motorcycle camping trips, before we started sharing one.

Ah, the memories opening up my tent again! I'd forgotten how free and secure I felt riding around with all my camping gear strapped to my bike. I used my tent a lot, sometimes joining the BMW motorcycle club every month for a distant campout. The scent, the feeling of the poles in my hands, brings me right back to a former life. So often I set up in the dark after hundreds of miles of riding, and almost always packed up very early the next morning, with freezing cold fingers and wet gear. What was with me, why did I have to leave Quincy at 6:30am in 35 degrees on Memorial Day? To miss traffic? To beat 90+ degree heat crossing the Central Valley? To ensure a solo ride, something I treasured? To get home by noon and just relax the rest of the day? Or just to do it?

But some reality unfolded in my backyard as the tents did: am I insane thinking it will be fun having Katrina along on the camping trip?? There could be nice moments, but she has a talent for bringing me crashing down hard at any time, and demanding all my attention when I'm up to my eyeballs in logistics. (Paradoxically, she will also play by herself for a very, very long time for a not-even-2-year-old -- she just won't tell me when.) I think I'm going to leave her behind with Dave, with a blank check to Melissa for any relief he needs from our adorable little tyrant, and a big deficit in marital brownie points.

Dave does have fun with her one-on-one though. She "helps" on his weekly run to Safeway by carrying the grocery bags to be recycled. Incredibly, she took a liking to this "new" hand-me-down hat, and actually wears it. So cute!


Meantime, the boys got ready for a wishbone-snapping. Even with my blase boys, there's still a risk of someone being miffed for losing this utterly random exercise, so I prepared them carefully. They each made a wish, and then snap!

Now I have to break it to Julian that just because he won the snap-off, doesn't mean he'll really get a new Lego set.

Last week, Gabriel's CDC took them to a pizza place for lunch. Sounds simple, right? But it was more than that, as usual: the cooks showed them how to make pizzas, and they got to do many of the steps. Gabriel had a great time with that, so I thought it'd be fun to make a pizza with him, and got the major ingredients at Trader Joe's last week. Dough, sauce, cheese, done.

He was excited to make a pizza, and I "deferred" to his superior knowledge of pizza-making. I had to laugh when I'd ask him questions, and he'd start the answer with such authority: "Well, usually I just ...." Usually?? He's done this once!

First we rolled out the dough.


Spread the sauce.


Sprinkle the cheese.


Notice a critical tactical error? Duh, move the dough to the baking sheet before putting sauce on it!

Not only was this fun, but the pizza was pretty good, and the boys loved it.

My back was very unhappy about all the bending up and down setting tents up, but it's even more unhappy sitting here typing. No problem for the pizza party though.

8/17/08

8/16/08 The Good Ticket

This morning I took Julian and Katrina to my old gym (it's closer to the rental house than the Y) to gingerly see how my damaged body would take some warming up and stretching. The childcare there isn't nearly as nice as the Y's, but Katrina didn't notice. She had a great time with this adorable pink VW, and put up a major fit about abandoning it.

Then I took the younger two to a pool birthday party. It was a lovely setting, with lots of good food, a jump house, and a very nice outdoor pool. Julian had a great time playing in the jump house and swimming. Katrina was a nightmare, fussing constantly, and I whisked them away before the party's grand finale, frustrated and embarrassed. But I knew it was really my fault. Don't I know better by now? There is no life with a toddler past noon! And definitely no going two places in one morning!

But Julian, so adaptable and also very emotionally low-maintenance, spared me a well-deserved fit about missing out on birthday cake. All he said was, "I had a great time swimming, Mom!" My sweet boy. I needed that positive perspective!

Dave took the boys to a minor league baseball game tonight. Before they left, I handed the boys each their own ticket with great ceremony: "Here's your ... ticket!" Julian looked stricken. Then I realized, I had to qualify it: "It's a good ticket!" He brightened immediately.

Gabriel wouldn't oblige me with a fraternal photo, but Julian (and his tongue) came through for the photo-op.

I was in no mood to attempt taking Katrina anywhere tonight, so we passed on the game and spent the evening alone together at home. We had a great time. She played and laughed and acted adorable, and even ate dinner without too much fuss. We chased and wrestled and tickled and peek-a-boo'd and said silly things together for hours.

I tried to take some video of a game in which Katrina demonstrates her clumsy Edith Bunker-like "run," but she got distracted by a paper falling off the fridge. She doesn't know how to use fridge magnets to put it back, something I'm sure Julian did by this age. But what I really notice is how she repeats back what I say -- there's a delay, and it's hard to understand, but she's been a real parrot lately. Finally, she finds her little mouse toy and gives a chair a kiss.

Maybe it's not toddlers so much that drive me nuts. It's straddling toddler life with preschooler life and schoolkid life. When it's just one or the other, I still come down on the side of the older kids, but either one is very rewarding in its own way.

8/16/08

8/15/08 The Farmer's Market

This so un-California, but I'm really not much for farmer's markets. So far I've mostly found stuff that's more expensive than in supermarkets, it goes bad faster, and of limited quality and variety. I know great farmer's markets exist, but the few times I've been to them, I just haven't found one.

Until today, thanks to my firstborn, indirectly. And it happens to be the closest farmer's market to our house (our real house, not the rental).

See, Gabriel had a pediatrician appointment today, for an ear check and hearing test.

Which he passed fine, and there's no fluid in his ears. He had been having trouble hearing a few weeks ago, but now he's fine. We waited too long between the "WHA-AT?" and the appointment, I'm afraid. This intermittent hearing problem is a tough one to pin down. But, I'm glad he's OK for school starting next week.

Anyway, after his appointment, I took him to join the CDC kids on their walking field trip to the farmer's market. It wasn't hard to find the large group of kids all wearing red T-shirts. They were lined up, just about to walk back to the CDC to make lunch with the spoils of their visit to the market. Gabriel joined his pal Parth in line.

(I sure hope Parth is in Gabriel's first-grade class this year.)

But what a treat for me! I loved this market. Lots of fruit, flowers, cheeses, and some baked goods too (it was tough to resist), all in abundance and looking glorious and inexpensive. I bought some golden raspberries that are out of this world, for an unprecedented $2 a basket.


I'm definitely going to be going back there, and before I unwittingly spend over $15 on cherries at Whole Foods. This morning I knew $5.99 a pound was a bit expensive for cherries, but it was just a little bag...except that that little bag weighed over 2.5 lbs -- I just about swallowed a pit when I read the total cost on the receipt!

I've always liked watching Olympic swimming. I can't explain why. Ostensibly, it's boring, but I find the shorter races thrilling (not so much the 800m and above though). And now with the Phelps phenomenon, I'm totally hooked. I never fail to choke up when they play the anthem for his nth gold medal.

But I really lose it when I see Phelps' mother. They show shots of her every time he swims, in all states: nervous before a race, cheering him on, shocked, thrilled. And when he points to her in the stands after winning...oh lordy. I watched an interview with her when she talked about her boy, and the social struggles he had as a gawky kid, but how much she loved him and supported him, and it was so touching.

I have a newfound inkling of what she's experiencing: bursting with pride and love at the accomplishment of your son. When people ask me how I feel about Gabriel starting first grade, that's my answer: overwhelming, consuming pride. I look at Gabriel, this burgeoning person, this amazing unique boy who I brought into this world, and marvel at the miracle. His own accomplishment is nothing short of Olympian: growing up. And as he does, his childhood becomes part of my past, just as he is my present now, and as he embodies my future. When he was first born, I thought the depth of my new love for this tiny squishy baby would never be matched. I had no idea.

...just watched Dara Torres finish first in the 50m freestyle semi-final...haul' ass!! It's such a cliche, but I just have to say it: You go girl!

8/15/08

8/15/08 Lame Mom

Lame, not because of my back, but because I just can't keep up with what everyone needs to bring to school. Thank goodness it's easy with Katrina, but I missed one of Julian's "water days" this week, and also missed "vehicle day" when he was supposed to bring in a toy vehicle. Last week his lunch got left behind one day, and I had to make a trip to get it to him, just in time. When school starts next week and i have to keep track of all of Gabriel's obligations, I'm in big trouble.

Gabriel wants an allowance. He's discovered the "products" area of the Lego Web site, and now he likes online shopping! The actual paying for it is beyond him now, but he's all over the shopping cart, and does understand that if he has his own money, he can buy things. I'm OK with that. We're going to start him on Sunday with $3 a week. If he wants extra money, we'll give him jobs. Also, we'll take away allowance if he doesn't do his chorse, but he always has to do his chores, even if he decides he can forfeit his allowance. Not fair? Tough. This is a family, not a democracy.

I'm a lot stronger today. It's still tricky standing up after having been sitting for a while, but the more I move around, the better. I wish I had time to swim tonight. No matter, I'll have to content myself with watching other people swim (yeah, I admit it, I have Phelps-fever too).

8/15/08

8/13/08 Recovering

I went to work today, gingerly stepping around with the cane for support, but basically standing straight. It's hard to believe I ever ran 12 miles. But there was only so long I could last, so I went home early and rested, after which I was in good enough shape to make dinner.

And bonus, I got to make dinner without rushing around trying to take care of kids at the same time, as Dave did dropoff/pickups again today. It was actually fun to make dinner, and didn't take long at all! Having use of both arms was a big help, rather than having to hold myself up with one elbow and prop my body against the counter. I'm still very shaky, but should be mostly back in action tomorrow.

After dinner, bath and PJs, Julian watched some Olympics with me as I rested my back. He liked the synchronized diving! I hate the commercials though.

8/13/08

8/12/08 Barely standing

Sometimes I wish I didn't blog, 'cause I have little good to say. Today was consumed with managing this debilitating and mysterious back injury. Physical therapy, physiatrist appointment, X-ray, getting an MRI report from last May. Rest, lying down, trying to get around. Tonight I can sort of stand straight, but I'm very very weak and shaky and more dependent than ever on the cane to get around. But then I sat for about 20 minutes, reading a book with the boys, and couldn't stand straight again.

While I know this episode will heal and go away, the frightening thing is: can I work? I'm completely convinced that what predicated this was being back at work. The fact that my return to work also coincided with the first migraine in weeks isn't lost on me either. Headaches and back injuries are things I had before, but it seems my work environment aggravates them.

I don't know how I'd get through this as a single parent. Dave's taken on the brunt of child-ferrying, child-to-bed-getting and all the heavy lifting with dinner and lunch preparations, not to mention lots of gophering for me. Being essentially disabled puts a lot of strain on the rest of the family, though the kids are mostly oblivious (Julian is curiously concerned about why I'm hobbling around, but I easily put him off with a few reassuring words).

Tomorrow I will go back to work and take careful stock of the ergonomic environment there. And of the cost to our lives for my being there at all.

8/12/08

8/11/08 The cane

It's bad. I'm so bent over that I actually went to Walgreen's this morning and bought a cane. Then went to work, feeling more embarrassed than anything. But sitting for a few hours at work, and moving around as much as I did, was a disaster. It's much worse now. Dave and I met at noon, at the door place (a minor disaster with our entry door, that's another story), and then I went home to lie down. I have to minimize sitting, but lying down really minimizes what I can do. I'm typing from Dave's laptop in bed, curled up on my knees. The other problem is that my feet are buzzing badly, and I'm getting sharp shooting pains down my right leg -- sciatica. What a mess!!

Physical therapy tomorrow morning. Physiatrist appt Thursday (earliest possible). I'm going to try to go to Urgent Care tonight to be seen while it's still bad. I HATE this.

It's weird. If I had a crutch, people would smile and ask "hey, what happened to you?" A cane is a lot different. People smile politely and don't dare ask. A cane is what I need physically, but emotionally, it's devastating.

Dave did pickups and dropoffs today. Tonya gave Katrina dinner, Dave's taking the boys out. I'll take care of Katrina while they're gone, and hope upon hope that she doesn't have a stinker to change. I won't mind at all lying on the floor reading to her and playing with her though. That'll be the best part of this lousy day.

8/11/08

8/10/08 Bad, bad back

It's been building. All the sitting from work has been causing constant low-grade foot-buzzing, and sometimes, sharp shooting pains from my tricky right sacro-iliac joint. Today I went swimming, usually the safest exercise ever, but being so straight for a while in the water put a slight strain on my lower back. Usually not a big deal.

The "Zoom!" did it though -- picking up Katrina in a big sweeping motion and lifting her over my head exclaiming, "Zoom!" When she was silhouetted in the sky, I felt it -- ~zing~ -- in my lower back. I put Katrina in the car, drove home, and haven't stood up straight since.

This isn't as bad as the other times it's happened, but it still seriously hampers my life. I can't zip around the kitchen making dinner as usual, and instead have to sit and give detailed instructions to Dave. Not until we were well-committed to the usual Sunday mac'n'cheese, peas and meatballs did it occur to me: hello, pizza?

I did hobble out to snap Katrina having fun in the backyard though.


Am I healthy? I swam 1800 yards this morning without stopping, but now I can't stand up straight. The migraine persists too, lessened this evening because of lots of back-forced rest this afternoon. Well, if I have to lie down a lot because of a migraine, might as well couple it up with a back outage.

8/10/08