12/14/08 Party time!

Today I took all three to another Las Madres holiday party -- one that was far, far too big to be at anyone's house! It was held at a nearby high school, in a community room with a fenced outdoor play area, perfect for groups of 35 families.

I'm delighted and thrilled and relieved to say that Katrina was in much, much better shape today. Playing outside with other kids, other kids' toys, and occasionally, her brothers, made a world of difference.

Gabriel and Julian leaped right into a soccer game.


Katrina and Dylan did a little running together, which is amusing since Katrina still doesn't run very well and Dylan is a lot faster.


Julian found a way around my instructions not to shove Katrina flying down a slope on a tricycle she can't stop. "Look Ma, one hand!"

Katrina found a far superior tricyle playmate, except this one flew down slopes as fast as she could herself, and quickly left her new little fan behind.

I finally was able to coax Katrina indoors (it was chilly outside!), where she reluctantly shared a seat with Julian. Besides, it was time for the musical entertainment to start!

Andy Z is a popular kids' entertainer around here. It's nice to see that he easily engages very very young toddlers and first-graders alike. Lots of kids know his songs well and were singing along.


I wanted to clap along with everyone else, but Katrina decided this was the time for a power trip and a moment of appearances. She insisted on sitting in my lap, wouldn't let me clap, sing, rock, or take pictures, or even stand up. "Sit back DOWN, MommY!" she'd demand. She even started biting me at one point. Still, I have enough working-mom-guilt that I mostly gave in to her apparent demands for attention, which I think were really just trying to control me. Eh, she needed to do that at that moment, OK.

I was very surprised to see Julian with his hand raised at the conclusion of the entertainment, even though it wasn't really a Q&A format. Andy Z had said something about St. Nick being on his way, and Julian finally pushed through and announced, "St. Nick is Santa!"

Despite Katrina's little performance during the show, overall we had a terrific time. And then Katrina was downright delightful for the rest of the day. This evening, she played happily and joyfully, interacting with us from time to time, but other times cheerfully doing her own thing, for well over an hour.

The biting thing though....not good. She bit Dave tonight when she disapproved of the bath ending, and bit me today, several times. Not in anger exactly, but not just for fun either. More like, experimenting to see what will happen.

On the other hand, an adorable new habit that's started a few days ago is singing -- a lot. Sometimes it's a line or two from known songs, other times she talks in song. I'm sorry to say that her older brother does this too -- in class, a lot. Gabriel's teacher commented in hs Friday Folder that he's now losing free time and recess time for talking loudly, humming and distracting the rest of the class.

Overall a good Christmas weekend, with yesterday's tantrum transgression forgiven.

12/14/08

12/13/08 Christmas Stuff

I'd like to say today was a day of sharing and joy and establishing family traditions, but for me it was heavily marred by an exceptional tantrum day from Katrina. It sent me into a tailspin, prompting me to write about self-doubts and bonding (here), though even as I was experiencing it I knew it was transitory. As usual, we paid a dear price for a sleepover the night before, and something's bothering Katrina's mouth, so she was exceptionally difficult today.

We decorated our Christmas tree today, and what should have been a fun cheerful family moment was marred by Katrina screaming and fussing and just not getting over not being able to pull all the ornaments out of the box. No amount of coaxing or demonstrating got her to cooperatively participate. I thought it'd be fun for her to hang ornaments! Dave took Katrina out of the room, but she carried on with an ear-piercing vengeance. I tried hard to tune her out and enjoy this once-a-year moment with the boys, but I was hopelessly irritated and disappointed.


Later, the boys and I got started making a gingerbread house, while Dave bought us some time taking her out. I was grateful for that, but resentful too that we can't do things with Dave there, since he's on Tantrum Toddler duty. Not that Dave has any interest in decorating a gingerbread house anyway, but I still like to have the opportunity! We finished it after she went to bed.

The boys had a great time with this, and didn't seem to care at all that it was just a kit house I bought at Target. Someday I'll really make a gingerbread house, but to them, the real fun is in putting the candies on, and an $8.99 kit house is perfect for that.

Someday, Katrina will contribute to these moments instead of ruining them.

12/13/08

12/12/08 Dominoes

Fridays at Gabriel's CDC is Domino Club day. I've made the mistake before of trying to pick Gabriel up early, and being met with disappointment bordering on anger. He loves playing dominoes. He hawks over the point-counting and addition, ordering around older bigger kids with fiery confidence and intense competition.


He's not exactly a graceful winner either.

Never mind that it's mostly a luck game, at least the way they play it. There might be some strategy, but these kids aren't at that level yet. They're mostly still working on whose turn is next.

12/12/08

12/11/08 The setback

Good grief. What is it going to take?

Last night, Gabriel refused to use the wetness alarm. No amount of convincing or bargaining or insisting had any effect, and we were in for a long, long battle. I won by changing tactics: "OK!" I told him that he didn't have to wear the alarm, but he would have to sleep somewhere that it didn't matter that he got wet. I very agreeably laid out a vinyl tablecloth on the garage floor, then found another one he could use as a blanket. "It'll be a little cold," I said sympathetically. "And hard. But that's OK, when you pee we can just hose it out in into the driveway." As he stepped onto concrete floor with his bare feet, he reconsidered. "OK, OK, I'll wear the alarm."

We got him up around midnight to go, just to increase his odds of success. Then around 3:30am, I heard him wailing from his bed, terrified by the alarm and unable to turn it off. And soaked. I changed his bedding, had him go again, and figured he was good til morning. Nope. Wet again. And this after a major fight about not using the alarm! It figures that it's no miracle cure as it has been for so many other children. Few methods or devices have been Gabriel-proofed.

I had to take the day off work today when I got a call that Katrina had a temperature. By the time I got to her, she seemed fine, she's been full of energy, ate well, and no temperature. I don't doubt she had something, but it wasn't serious. It was nice to spend the day with her though, she was in a good mood and was unusually (well, it is unusual!) sweet.

Julian, my little scientist. "Birds are hatched from eggs!" "People are animals!" "Water bits go into the air and make you dry!" Today a helper teacher at his preschool flagged me to exclaim that he reads really, really well. Julian was part of a circle of kids that were looking at a book, and apparently he dazzled the teacher calling out the sentences of his own accord. He really does read well, better than Gabriel did at his age, and actually beyond what we've come to understand as the "proficient" level for first graders. I'm already designing the dress I'll wear to the Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony!!!

12/11/08

12/10/08 The Shopping Trip

The trouble with being a working mom is that every time your kids express the tiniest regret about not being with you, you're awash with guilt. I thought I was doing a good thing tonight by taking Julian with me to Safeway -- sort of a cheesy way to spend some time together (more guilt). Not to mention that he's generally the most toxic element in the sibling dynamic here; either he's irritating Katrina or riling up Gabriel, so he's usually our first choice in being taken out of commission. Gabriel had homework to do besides.

But when I left, Gabriel and Katrina were both standing at the door, crying. Gabriel especially really wanted to go with me. "WHY?" I asked. "It's just Safeway!" "Because I LOVE you!" he cried.

Gawd. It's bad enough that the best I can do for "quality time" is grocery-shopping, but it's even worse when your child craves even that pathetic excuse for time together, and worse yet when you can't give it to him!

At least I really did have fun with Julian. He got beams from other customers when he announced in the produce section, "I love green beans, but broccoli is my favorite!"

12/10/08

12/9/08 The alarm

Last night, around 3:30am, I was startled awake by a terrified cry. Gabriel came carefully into our room -- because even in an emergency, his sense of order is still strong -- crying hard, holding the buzzing and chirping wetness alarm in his hand. "I can't turn it off!!" he wailed. It's designed not to be easy to shut off, and it worked.

He wasn't really that concerned that every night, he's been going backward in the night-training. The first two nights with the alarm, he was dry. The third, dry without the alarm. The fourth, wet, without the alarm. The fifth: wet, with the alarm. Not just wet, but soaked. And that was with waking him up before we went to bed!

Well, Gabriel is nothing if not persistent. We're hoping the experience rattled him, but there's little precedent in his life for that. Gabriel of all kids could turn around the wetness alarm thing, like by deliberately going on it just to see how it works. Humiliation is an important motivator in nighttime training, and this just isn't in his DNA. He really doesn't care that much. He's mildly curious if he can do it, and that's all so far.

We're pretty much nowhere with potty-training Katrina, though she is much more consistent about telling me when she has a stinky. She's even more consistent about refusing to sit on the potty.

I stopped by the jobsite house today, to bring by a tile shelf I wanted to add to the downstairs bathroom and to deliver the grout colors. Now that we're entering the finishing phase, there are thousands of details that can be answered by being there. I pointed out a door that swings the wrong way, and that the living room base trim is too low. I felt like shrinking when the finish carpenter asked, "Why aren't all the doors the same?" (most are stained, some are painted) and the jobsite foreman, the door guy, and another guy all shrugged and looked at me. Hey wait, you guys were all in on these decisions! Not all situations are the same -- the dry-erase/magnetic pantry door, for instance, is necessarily an oddball. The only cookie cutters used in this house are in the kitchen! So lemme 'lone!

I overheard the finish carpenter mutter something to the effect that after this job he'd be standing outside of Home Depot with his buds to look for work. We must look awfully wealthy to the crews of guys working on our house everyday. I sure don't feel that way these days, but that's because of my seriously skewed standard of living based on the roaring 00's. We are a lot better off than most of the guys busting their rear ends to build our cushy house. I'm always a little guilty and self-conscious about that, and try to be as respectful and grateful as possible. I'm glad they see me drive away in an utterly average car.

12/9/08

12/8/08 The Note

This evening, I was emptying the dishwasher when something metal tapped against something glass and rang a musical note.

Gabriel stopped in his tracks, paused, then asked, "What was that?" "Oh I don't know, I just clinked something and it made a note. Pretty neat, huh?" "Yeah," he said. "It was C." What? I asked him. He repeated with complete confidence, looking directly at me, certain as he knows his own name, "It was a C note."

I explained to him what "perfect pitch" is, and that very few people have it, and most of those that do had to work at it. My mother finally reached that level, for instance, but if I recall correctly, it didn't come easy. But he assured me he knows the notes, because he plays the piano so much, he insisted. Still, I know from my brief piano experience as a kid how easy it is to think you know a note, but don't. Even now, songs I listen to several times a day, I can't sing the first note.

Just to show him what I meant, I went into the piano room and covered the keys with the blanket we use as a dust protector, and told him to listen from the kitchen. He was completely out of sight.

"What's this note?" I played a key. "C." He had no doubt. OK, OK, seems obvious I'd start with middle C. "What's this one?" "G." Right again. "How about this?" I played a key in a different octave. "A. I'm telling you, Mom, I know these."

I was getting a little spooked by now. I tried C-sharp. "F-sharp!" he said. "Not quite!" I answered. I played F-sharp. "C-sharp!" No, but, interesting mistake. One more time with a sharp note. This time he got it.

Not perfect, but really close. I have little doubt now that the spoon ringing against the glass really was a C.

12/8/08

12/7/08 Party Recovery

We had a terrific holiday party here yesterday! At least, everyone kindly says so. We knew it'd be tight fittings in our house, and we're really not well set up for large groups or holiday decorating, but it's a bunch of moms -- we know how to accomodate and make do.

Few houses can accomodate groups of 30 and seat everyone at the same time, and this one is no exception, but in retrospect, a lot of people did get to sit!




Some of the moms I already know from the 2002 and 2004 groups, but many are new to me in the 2006 group. In my early days as a new mom, the weekly park playgroups were an essential lifeline, and I got to know all the moms pretty well. Now as a tattered working mom, they're an indulgent luxury, so many of the 2006 moms I've never met. Too bad, because while being moms of young children is instant friendship glue, there are also a lot of moms in this group who I just really, really like.

It's funny, I had to ask myself why I like to host parties. It's a lot of work! It's on my mind for days before, it disrupts the house, it's chaotic and so busy that I really can't chat much with people, it takes over the whole weekend, and Dave is never crazy about the preparation or the event itself. Yet I truly enjoy the activity, the buzz of having our house filled with people and with joyful children. Four of us really put the party on, but one other mom, Cris, put a ton of time and work into it, more than me, and we had a lot of fun working and shopping together. It was really fun when we saw that her 2004 daughter and Julian hit it off and spent much of the party running together!

We didn't do much or go anywhere today (well, I did, more on that in a few). The kids played outside, and inside, and we spent a fair amount of time putting away toys and getting the house out of party mode.


What is it about little girls and red wagons....

My one outing today was to go to the house and test-paint again, and also to look around and start thinking about how I want to arrange the house. I'm starting to think about furniture, though given the new financial order of the world, I'm rethinking my original plan of replacing everything. I want things to be coordinated and useful, not a random mishmash as we had, but at the same time, I don't want it rigid and sterile either.

My mother offered one of those wonderful tidbits that's brilliant in its simplicity: wait to move in and see what you need before buying anything. The key to that is not bringing any of the old junk with you. Dave doesn't completely understand or agree with this, but this is one of those things I'm putting my wifely foot down about: the nasty 1970s dark brown oak stereo cabinets that the previous owners of our house left behind are not setting foot into the new house. Nor many other things that have "made do" for years. We need blank spaces to speak to us.

I sure have learned a lot about interior design and how to choose paint colors. Look for colors with lots of gray in them -- they're easy to adjust and coordinate and tend to stay muted. Or, go with bold colors. Bold or muted, not both. All the colors in all the rooms should work together. Develop a basic color scheme, green in our case. Then if you want other colors, say, a yellow room, look for a yellow with a lot of green in it. Make all the connecting spaces (halls) the same color.

Much of this I confirmed as I went about trying out various ideas for the downstairs bedrooms today, and wound up deciding on the same color for most of the downstairs rooms. But I had to see the bold colors next to the muted ones to realize: don't mix them! I love the Craftsman historical colors, but they're all very very strong, and I'm not sure I can live with them. Lots about Craftsman-era decorating is very sober and severe. I don't want the paint colors or light fixtures to make me want to burst into tears.

The downstairs bathroom tile is in, not grouted yet. The onyx border is gorgeous.

But then, I'm a newly-anointed tile freak.

Someone at the party commented yesterday that I won't want to host parties like this in our new house, what with kids spilling apple juice on furniture and everything being so hectic. But it's quite the contrary. Our fabulous new house is there to be used, not to be admired from afar. I have every intention of throwing big parties there, it'll be so much easier and pleasant. I can't imagine living in fear of apple juice.

12/7/08

12/5/08 Party Prep

Busy tonight preparing the house and food for holiday party tomorrow. Seems overloading given alllll else I always need to do (grout colors! paint sheen! knob finish! stain shade!), but, ya gotta live! I'm looking forward to it.

12/5/08

12/4/08 The Singalong

Gabriel started out in a snit today and pretty much maintained it until bedtime, as only Gabriel can. He had good moments, but he was on a short trigger all day. As such, tonight he refused to practice piano, and I suggested to frustrated Dave that he (Dave) sit and play himself, and see if that would attract the boy.

It did, but not the intended boy. As it turns out, Dave got to spend a little piano time with Julian. Julian's musical approach is much different than his brother's; more intuitive and less technical. Gabriel won't even consider singing while he plays, that's just not his modus operandi, but Julian likes to sing along. Dave picked a simple tune that he (Dave) could play, while Julian read the words (and music, to some extent, to follow the rhythm) and sang along. This was so cute that it attracted me and my non-video-camera.


During dinner, it was unusually peaceful in the family room with Julian and Katrina alone together, so I had to investigate. There I caught another very cute scene, of Julian reading Peter Rabbit to Katrina, with her joyfully shouting out names of the rabbits: "CAH-TAH-TAIL!" I didn't catch any good stuff, but here's a glimpse of how they interact. Julian pushed away with the book, which usually causes her to scream, though she didn't this time.



Katrina did great at TLC today, she was in a really good mood when I picked her up. The teachers all tell me she's adapted fabulously well, especially for one so young. Part of me is proud at how strong she is, but part of me is deeply guilty and regretful that she's so used to daycare.

12/4/08

12/3/08 The long-lost cousin

Hard to tell in this photo, but Katrina took a page from the Cousin Remi Chapter of Self-Art tonight and drew all over herself, her clothes, the carpet and many other items in the family room tonight.

She acted like her cousin for a full half-hour while I was inattentively indisposed on the phone with a cousin of mine.

One I've never talked to before.

I got the call just as I walked in the door with All Three: "Hello, I hope I'm reaching Nay-o-mee, I'm Jimmy's cousin Robert..." Say no more, I grabbed the phone and locked myself in the office. This was my father's cousin, a man I've heard of but have never spoken to before. He and my dad knew each other as kids, and they've stayed in touch over the years. Dad's cousin (my first cousin once removed) knew that Dad had moved, and had talked to Dad, but Cousin Bob was concerned that "Jimmy" wasn't being straightforward about how he is or where he was.

To my surprise, Cousin Bob didn't quite get the picture, until I filled him in, that Dad only knows in a vague sense where he is, and that concepts of distance and time have long since failed him. Cousin Bob, who lives in California, said, "Jimmy asked me right away if I was going to stop by -- he doesn't seem to understand how far away I am!" No kidding.

I learned that I have more great-aunts and uncles than Dad ever told me, probably because I never asked until he was already having trouble remembering. I knew his mother was Opal Morgan (hence Julian's middle name), and she had two sisters, Odessa and Leota. But I didn't know there were three more sisters and a brother. I gained three great-aunts and a great-uncle today! Even if they've all long since died. (My grandmother, Opal, died of Alzheimer's in her early 60s, before I was born...the genetics of Alzheimer's are not in my favor.) I must have second-cousins all over the place.

My great-aunt, Leota Morgan, died young, in the 1940s, Cousin Bob tells me. I already knew she was a screenwriter, and have seen her credits on IMDB. One movie she wrote, Man and Wife (1923), even had a famous actress in it, Norma Shearer.

What a treat to discover a little piece of family history right in my own backyard, sort of (Cousin Bob and his wife are in Southern California). Finding out more about my ancestors -- and more ancestors -- is a little "spooooky" as Julian would say.

And the line continues....even if it's covered in Magic Marker.

12/3/08

12/02/08 First Day!

It was Katrina's first day at TLC today!

I've always begrudged, reluctantly, Dave his daily restaurant lunch, and I have a standing offer to make him lunch instead. But now that I'm up to 4 lunches to make, I'm sort of relieved. These all get assembled the night before and (somehow) crammed into the fridge, then in the morning, staged in the hall so they're not forgotten.

The orange one on the left is mine; I had it monogrammed with "Gabriel" but it was too big for him for kindergarten. I love having "Gabriel" on my lunch box!

Katrina got a Speed Racer cheapie that was briefly Gabriel's, but was too small for his lunches. While I'm on the subject, I'm not crazy about the pink and blue lunch sacks the boys have now; they don't stay upright while I'm packing them, and if you pull the liner out to wash it, it's a major major pain getting it back in since the interior insulation isn't attached to the sides and falls in.

Julian was very proud and happy to have his sister at his school.

She was puzzled at first, but didn't waste a moment emitting her characteristic ear-piercing shriek of protest at the dastardly suggestion of removing her jacket. The wonderful 2's room teacher, whom I like a great deal, at first misunderstood this reaction as an extreme one, for being upset over being about to be left behind (could a real writer help me with that please?). I rolled my eyes and explained to the teacher, "Nope, that's just her." I did the teachers a favor and skedaddled fast.

She's in really, really good hands (here with the "Prince" (Director) of the school).

I have nothing to worry about, other than the fact that she's still my baby. ("SCREEEE--EEEEECH!!!!") I still could have used a hug from her.

She did so well that there was little to say. I forgot to ask about lunch, and indeed, left her lunch behind. I'm not in the habit of carrying lunches out since Julian does it himself. The 2's teacher told me she wiggled a little before her nap, but the teacher lay down with her and put her arm around Katrina's belly, and she went right to sleep. HEY!! She's never done that for me!!

The day did take its toll though. Katrina was a disaster when we got home, fussing and crying and tantruming at the slightest provocation. Like, say, oh, having to close the front door. Sorry, tantrum-experts, she can choose mismatched socks, but leaving the front door open isn't one of those things I can give in on.

Fortunately, Julian was on the job, and he very very patiently and persistently worked her out of it. When she'd quieted down, I peeked in the family room and saw him reading Peter Rabbit to her. How sweet. We're not supposed to have favorites (though I secretly do among other people's kids!), but Julian was the clear winner today. Gabriel....arrrgh. When he turns on Pest Mode, it's ugly, and very very persistent.

I had planned to work a long day today, given my new time windfall. But since I ran into two friends at the Y this morning, I guess my trying to sneak in a workout before work wasn't sneaky enough. Busted!

In the afternoon, I got a call at work from Anna, my kitchen designer. The cable/data outlet we'd planned for the entertainment area wasn't in the right place and the new hutch's crown molding will cover a light fixture, how do you want to...? I'm on my way. The crew was there (that's Dave on the right), and I got to ask the installer personally to make sure the eensy "Shaw's" emblem on the sink goes on the far side so you can see it. Details, details.

We solved the problems, and I got to see the entertainment area in the works.

That whole thing above the fireplace, and the cabinets on either side, will be one continuous tabletop. It's intended to set a TV on, and all stereo/VCR/DVD components will go on the open shelves next to the fireplace.

But I'm re-thinking the TV thing. I never wanted a !!T!!V!!! to be the focal point of our room, and I still don't. I really, really like having it behind closed doors, out of everyone's faces. I love the big wide open tabletop that we can do whatever we want with -- it doesn't have to be dedicated to a giant screen that constantly attracts eyes. A kick-*ss audio system, on the other hand, now we're talking.

(To set the record straight, I like to watch TV and I do it a lot (I'm on a Netflix Desperate Housewives kick at the moment). Most of this debauchery is done from the comfort of bed -- there's no time for TV with the kids around.)

I really underestimated the emotional effect of seeing the house come together. My anticipation about going home is accelerating day by day. New irritations about our rental house arise daily. Every day, something new is put in place in the house, and each thing is something I'm heavily invested in and want very very much to LOVE immediately. But few things work that way. Today's heart attack is over the kitchen cabinets: why didn't I get the straight shaker style? That oval ogee around the inside of the frame doesn't work with painted cabinets!!! Aggggh!!!! In time, I'll get used to these details and won't be in constant new-surroundings-overload. Until then, the house is very much like raising children: new highs and lows, unexpectedly, every day.

12/2/08

[ Other blogger users: Have you noticed that photos now upload in reverse order if you upload more than one? And why are they limited to 5 at a time anyway? And why do you have to browse for each one?! And why are you stuck with one size for all photos in one batch? And why does it put the photos in the same place -- at the top -- of your work-in-progress? And why is the window that pops up too small to fit the "Upload" button, forcing you to scroll down EVERY time? Why doesnt't the photo-upload popup close on its own when it's done? Why are you committed to a "left" or "right" orientation at upload time and have to hack the HTML to change it later? I could go on! The photo-upload interface sucks!!! ]

12/1/08 Quotes

Katrina: "I want the GREEN placemat!"

I remember now reading advice, in a desperate search for help with Gabriel's tantrums, about dealing with 2-year-olds. The first line of defense is to let things like mismatched socks or short-sleeved shirts go. Toddlers are striving for control, so give it to them for things that don't matter. I didn't understand this on two counts. One, I never had a toddler who cared all that much about particular items. Two, the tantrums were never about anything as simple as the color of a placemat. And they're not now either, because I sure as heck know better than to pick a fight like that!

Gabriel, who has to come up with 7 words with "it" in them, then write a sentence with one of those words: "Is 'tit' a real word?" He knows the answer too, he just wants to see how I'll react. (I told him evenly that it's slang and that it's not appropriate to use for homework.)

Julian: "The life cycle of a butterfly starts with the eggs. Then it turns into a caterpillar and then it wraps itself up and wiggles and squirms to come up, then it's a butterfly that lays eggs and starts it all over again!" As usual, nothing about friends or anything else that happened at school. Just a science snippet.

Mom: That cough medicine knocked me out today, I'm going to bed!

12/1/08

11/30/08 Tree day

We're hosting a holiday party next week for the 2006 Las Madres Cupertino playgroup, so we got our Christmas tree today.

In keeping with the notion of simplifying life, this was a $25 Home Depot special. It's definitely more fun and homey to drive to the mountains and choose and cut our own. Not to mention making for better photo-ops. Some things I just don't like simplifying, but it makes sense for us this year.

Afterward, I went to the house to do some more test-painting. I brought a helper.

Gabriel very happily chatted with me while I test-painted, and I gave him a dry brush to smooth out the edges of the swatches I painted on the walls. It turned a chore (though overall a sort of fun one) into a very nice time talking and hanging out with my firstborn son. What a cool kid.

He asked me something about how much the house cost, and I put him off by saying it's complicated, but I did say it's the most expensive thing that most people ever buy. So, basically, "a lot." He said, "I wish that I could help." I didn't understand what he meant at first, but he said that maybe if I needed more money to buy more paint, he could give me his allowance! I hugged him and thanked him and told him not to worry, we could buy paint.

(I recently watched a "Momversation" about talking to kids about the economy and parent's jobs and financial situations. I see no need whatsoever to do that. Kids don't get everything they want when things are good, it's no different now. I see no reason to worry them about something they have no control over even if they could understand it. If something drastic happened -- a loss of job, a forced move -- I still think it's pretty easy to tell them a rosy watered-down version of the truth. If things get bad enough that I have to put Gabriel to work at a gas station for 12 hours a day, then we'll talk.)

Meantime, progress has been made on the kitchen cabinet installation!


The kitchen won't really be that darkish green color, that's just tinted primer. It's quite a bit darker than the kitchen will actually be, though I'm starting to like it! It'll be either "Sand Castle" (that Gabriel is "painting"), or "Beach Bum" (right next to what Gabriel is "painting").

Gabriel took this one.


The next 3 months will be the longest ones of this remodeling journey.

11/30/08

11/29/08 Recovery

Whew, did I say I'd post photos of Thanksgiving? Well, here's a few. Playing handball with Uncle Ryan on a semi-stormy day. I love the mountain in the background.

You can juuust make out a blue ball that Julian just threw.

(Mom's perogative here, sorry....he's just sooo cute!)


The best (I'm sorry to say) photo I got of everyone as we sat down to dinner.

Ah, I hope I never recover from the glow of a great visit!

But this cold I could do without. So far this is the usual bronchitis/cold that I get and that takes weeks to recover from, but this one is pretty mild. Mild enough that I took Julian and Katrina to the Y this morning for a half-hearted workout, then snoozed in the afternoon. I just don't have time to get sick.

We watched a movie tonight together, which is noteworthy because it's the first time we've watched a movie at home since moving here last June. It was a French 1956 Oscar-winner movie called "The Red Balloon," only 35 minutes long, that I vaguely remember seeing as a kid. Though it was subtitled, there were only 3 or 4 spoken lines and you could easily infer the meaning from the video, so kids can watch it without needing much translation or subtitle-reading. But Dave and I wanted to see it too.

To our surprise, Gabriel remembered the story, he said from a "book in preschool." And to my delight, both boys loved the story and the movie, and wanted to talk all about it afterward. It's so simple, a drastic contrast from all the bright flashy sound effects and visuals and sophisticated animation in "Wall-E." But it struck a deep chord with them. (Katrina just wanted to bounce around and show off for her captive audience.)

It sounds crazy, and very unlikely, but I sorta hope it rains tomorrow. I'd like the excuse to lie around all day!

11/29/08

11/28/08 Home for the weekend

We just returned from our trip to SoCal to visit Laura & Ryan for Thanksgiving. A fabulously successful and utterly delightful trip and visit! I'm tired and not feeling 100% (much of my voice is missing), so I'm not going to do photos right now.

The odds were stacked against us: a 6-hour (with stops) drive with three small children crammed together in a no-food, no-DVD car. We stayed in a 2BR 1BA apartment, with no bedroom doors -- all 3 kids stayed in the smaller 2nd bedroom, Katrina on the floor on a kid-Aerobed, and the boys sharing a twin bed head-to-toe. Thanksgiving dinner for 7 people prepared, served and cleaned up in a small kitchen with no dishwasher.

But everything worked great. On the way down, after a dinner stop, the kids slept. We braced ourselves for a rough drive home, but even though Katrina's nap amounted to a half hour early on, she was quiet and happily played for the whole drive.

The sleeping arrangements also worked out really well. Katrina needed some time to settle down the first night, and the second night we found Gabriel in Katrina's bed and Katrina on the floor, but other than that, they did great together. But if one woke up, so did the others, once at 6:30am. Urgh.

What we did: not that much, and that was exactly called for! It rained, for starters. We went to Griffith Observatory briefly; despite the rain the views were great (including the Hollywood sign!), and all the kids were thrilled with the few displays we saw. We went out to dinner once, breakfast once, and then stayed in a lot (rain, sloth, food prep and movies).

Katrina was really good the whole trip: she offered her usual protesting screeches, but no full-on tantrums. The boys overall were good too, though the night we went out to dinner, the boys were fighting in the back seat on the way. When we arrived, Julian was bawling and there was blood streaming down his nose and onto his jacket, smeared all over his face and on the car door. Uncle Ryan said he looked like Rocky.

The day before Thanksgiving, we watched the movie "Wall-E," then on Thanksgiving Day we watched Kung Fu Panda and then Wall-E again. That was really fun. Wall-E especially was really good.

Uncle Ryan took the boys out to play handball twice; they all had a great time running around and throwing racquetball balls against a wall. Julian has developed a full-body throw that makes the proud mama in me imagine he's going to get scouted for Little League.

A little last-minute shopping, lots of cooking, lots of drinking and hanging out...and of course: lots of fabulous eating! I should post our Thanksgiving menu; Laura and Ryan's ideas were all gourmet versions of traditional Thanksgiving dishes. We ate like KINGS! Even one little princess.

Life as we know it will resume tomorrow, but for tonight I'm going to enjoy the glow of a wonderful heartwarming family Thanksgiving!

11/28/08

11/24/08 The Turnarounds

I've been feeling lousy the past week; a constant nagging nausea and uncomfortable stomach. But with no other symptoms, I can only attribute it to stress. Today I couldn't shake a feeling of malaise, low energy, and just not wanting to do anything.

Still, I dragged myself through a productive visit to the jobsite, then a trip to the lighting store. I'm putting some punchy pendants over the kitchen island, and there's no shortage of beautiful colorful choices. "When you find something that sings to you," the semi-helpful saleslady said, "go with it." Then she disappeared.

I haven't had a good workout or run in days, and I'm feeling the withdrawal. But I just didn't feel like mustering myself earlier in the day, when the timing was good. Instead, later, when the timing was getting really iffy, I just couldn't do anything else, so I forced myself to go for a short hilly run.

And I had one of the best runs I've had in months. I sailed through it, chugging easily up the steepest sections, sprinting the shorter uphills, head held high and wishing it wasn't about to end. When I'm running, I get my clearest thinking done, and my deepest-felt decisions made. The "Mini-Melrose" pendant was singing to me, right along with Nickelback.

After my run, I felt great, full of energy, head bursting with ideas. What a change from this morning!

[ Except for some familiar twinges from my ankles...no, it can't be...is tendonitis threating to join the party now? ]

But the best turnaround tonight was offered by my dear daughter, who bestowed upon me two great honors. One was dinner without a tantrum. It's like night and day, the difference in mood in the whole house is tremendous, when we pass on the hour-long screaming and crying and complete unreasonableness.

Two was some time with her in my lap, reading books. She insisted, and I very happily obliged, and we sat and counted things on pages and hunted for mouses.

It's occurred to me many times that part of what makes her difficult to live with isn't just an excess of two-year-old behavior, but also an absence of affection and physical contact that goes such a long way toward making up for it. She still doesn't hug or cuddle -- an occasional half-hearted rest of the head on my shoulder, but only the edge of her head, briefly, not a full-body committment. A mom needs those moments with her toddler! And baby -- even as a brand-new newborn, she never cuddled. All will be forgotten the day I get a true, genuine hug from her.

But for tonight, some lap time was a very welcome turnaround. And she picked a perfect day for it.

11/24/08

11/23/08 A colorful day

Julian and Katrina playing this morning. Or rather, Julian inserting himself again into her world, and she permitting it for that particular 5 minutes.

She's obsessed with toothbrushes these days and is always walking around with one.

I went test-painting at the house this morning. Not so much to choose colors, but to work on color schemes -- that is, should the paint in the hall match that in the living room, or be its own color? What sorts of colors go where? This was very instructive, especially seeing how the natural light falls into various rooms in the house. Distinct zones that should be one color just presented themselves. It's tempting to make each room its own color, just for fun, but this is a house, not a scrapbook. Rats.

So far every time I paint a sample, it matches the teeny paper int chip exactly. But that doesn't mean it looks anything like I'd thought. The Kelly-Moore color "Vintage Find" looked perfect on paper: a light sage-y green, Craftsman-y without being dark or depressing. But on the wall, it looks almost light blue (3rd from left).



The original dining room and living room should be the same color, but a strong rich yellow color that looks great against all the wood in the dining room is too bright in the living room.


(Photos are just to put you in that place momentarily, they can't possibly convey what the colors really look like.)

The guest suite is challenging because it gets so much sunlight. It can tolerate a darker, more somber color, but for some reason, when I think of a sunny room, I think yellow!


For the office, I had in mind something sort of mauve-y, calm, grown-up. "Mauve Star" definitely isn't it.


Choosing paint colors is a real first for me. Since moving to California in 1988, every place I've lived has had white walls, until 2006 when we did our upstairs. The colors I picked for our upstairs bedrooms now look very bright, kid-like, but I love them. The hall was an off-white, but I'm rebelling against that now too. No more white walls. It's going to get painted. So there.

This will also be the first time I'll live in a house in CA with adequate lighting. I've always accepted the the ritual of entering a room and circling it to turn on all the lamps scattered around; tripping over extension cords, and struggling to pull power strips out from behind furniture. I think I've resisted colors because the rooms I lived in were lit with a single dim ceiling fixture, and I thought anything other than white would be too dark.

I sure could do without Katrina's nightly dinner tantrums. Come 5:00, dread starts to spread over me, because I know I'm in for at least an hour-long struggle. She demands something, refuses it, then screams in outrage when it's put away. Bib, no bib, milk, no milk, red cup, no red cup, peas, no peas, napkin, no napkin. She's impossible. I could live without her eating anything, but the tantrum that spans demanding food, rejecting it furiously, crying to get out of her chair, then screaming in anger about being put down, are unbearable.

I don't give in to her demands for cereal or orange juice, instead bitterly listening to the experts in my head, claiming that if you're consistent and don't give in to them, they'll eventually stop asking. Yeah, eventually, but at what cost in the meantime? She'll stop asking because she'll outgrow the whole scene and become reasonable, in 2 years perhaps, not because my refusal to give in has taught her anything.

Yet I also don't accept the other view that says to give them what they want, they'll outgrow it. I don't know at what point it tips into her knowing she's controlling me if I give her Puffins for dinner every night, so I err on the side of giving her a few choices, all dinner food that everyone else is getting or got recently. It's a painful, costly choice.

Gabriel helped me make breakfast this morning, with great enthusiasm. 6-going-on-7, that's much more my speed. 2's tantrums....it sucked the first time around, and it's really really getting old the second time around.

I'll dream in color tonight. Specifically, "Dustry Trail."

11/23/08