3/24/09 Upstairs, downstairs

As a kid, it used to drive me crazy when my parents sent me on errands up and down the 3 flights of stairs in our Brooklyn row house. For a while, I really thought they only had kids to go fetch things from the top story.

History repeats itself. I now make frequent use of all the ready child labor around here to bring things up and down the stairs. There are lots of things I swore I would never do as a parent. Thank goodness that isn't one of them. And bonus, there's three gofers! Well, there will be when one of them doesn't need both hands to get up and down the stairs that is.

I've finally liberated some photos and videos from my camera. I forgot I took these at the restaurant where we had dinner the day we moved. Katrina was unusually cooperative.


Tonight Dave had dinner at a conference he was at all day, so I did a quickie dinner for the kids. This is a view you will tire of soon, but I never will.


The novelty of the island is wearing off though; I keep having to move Julian to the end so he and Gabriel don't fight -- or play! Sometimes them playing together is more disruptive than fighting. Life is most peaceful around here when one of them is upstairs and one is downstairs.

3/24/09

3/23/09 Back to work

Today was the first day of "normal," sort of. Dave and I both went back to work today, and we didn't spend half the day emailing and calling to deal with the house. There are still some things that need to be dealt with soon, like the plumbing, but most of the pressure is self-imposed. That said, by the time I'm done making dinner, cleaning up and making lunches, overseeing homework and everything, I am in no mood to work on unpacking.

I did do a little "homework" tonight anyway -- I got my computer and peripherals all connected! From which I type now, though I don't have the energy to deal with photos.

Gabriel asked today, "When we don't have a house full of boxes, can we go to Legoland in San Diego?" That'd be great, kid.

Katrina has been a little ray of sunshine lately, with few tantrums and lots of playful laughter. If she gets hurt, she even wants a hug, though typical Katrina, she demands it: "HUG ME!" That's one time I don't insist on a "please."

3/23/09

3/22/09 chit-chat

I still don't have my computer up, so, no photos or videos yet. Too bad, 'cause today Gabriel spent a good half-hour playing "cable car" with Katrina, pushing her around on a little wagon, with a stop and start to the track, and her going "ding ding!" as they circled the house. SO cute. It's unthinkable what her life would be like without him.

I think we're done with the high chair. She loves sitting on the barstools in the kitchen at the island, though as I expected, disagreements about who gets which fruit have arisen. "I want to sit on GRAPES!" she'll announce. She always gets her way first, and the boys are left to duke it out over Cherries.

This afternoon she sat and munched some apple for quite a while as I muddled through the daunting task of unpacking and arranging the kitchen. It was fun sitting and chatting with her, as much as a 2-year-old chats. She points out numbers and shapes and colors around her, she nibbles a piece of apple and tells me what shape she made it, and I make silly faces at her and tell her little things she probably doesn't understand but she seems to enjoy hearing.

It occurred to me that I have another person in my life now who I can always call or email with for no particular reason, and it starts now. It probably started some time ago, but the layout of our new kitchen opens up that world now. My favorite view is seeing all three of them sitting together at the island, looking at me while I work, and I can easily see and smile at them at the same time. I'm glad they'll remember my face instead of my back.

3/22/09

3/21/09 Holding Out

Not surprisingly, moving home doesn't mean we have any more time to spend playing; not with stone backsplashes to seal, privacy window film to install, butcher block tops to treat, and thousands of boxes to unpack.

So I hung out with Katrina after her "nap" (if having Julian join her in her room to play counts as a nap, grr), and got her to sit on the potty for a while. Then she wanted underpants, great.

She played outside for quite a while and stayed dry, so I took her upstairs to see if I could get her to sit on the potty again. Of course not, and then she literally got her knickers in a twist, insisting on putting both her legs through one leg-hole in her underpants and having a huge fit about not being able to put the underpants on, but refusing my help. Whatever.

Pretending to ignore her, I "tested" the shower in the bathroom again, spritzing the handshower all over the bathtub. And incredibly, the sound of dripping water did the job. She walked over to the little potty, sat down and concentrated for a moment, stood up, and announced her accomplishment. I couldn't believe it! This was no accident, no random event -- she made it happen.

She's been holding out on us!

3/20/09 Digging Out

It's still in the overwhelming stage. Just the most basic tasks take a lot of searching and opening and arranging. But I did make dinner tonight!

We're slowly crawling out of the hole. We got a microwave, shelves are getting adjusted, leaky gas line fitting tightened, floor heat thermostats set, laundry detergent unearthed. I have a goal of unpacking at least 3 boxes a day, which sounds like a very small goal, but it's amazing how quickly a day goes by. And it's SUCH a drag unpacking the kitchen stuff! Did the movers have to individually wrap every water bottle??

The plumbers were here today, and admitted to swapping the hot and cold in two bathrooms. Geez! Fortunately this can be fixed with "reverse cartridges," which the Grohe rep told me he's sold so many of, to recover from plumber's mistakes, that they put his kids through college. The 3rd bathroom's thermostatic valve just needed calibration, so now we're up to two working shower/baths.

Last night as I cut up cantaloupe for lunch, Julian sat at the island across from me and colored a flower picture from school. I loved that I could do my thing and he could do his right in the same space, and we could easily chat about the silly names for the colors on the colored pencils he was using. It was really nice. This was only sort-of possible at the rental house, and completely impossible in our old house.

Gabriel asked me today I'm ever going to pick him up from school again. That kid has an astounding capacity to shatter my heart in a flash. I miss the other two also, but it feels worse for the one in school. But I'm starting to feel it for Julian too, who needs more interaction and playtime with me than Gabriel did. Katrina is still young enough to be happy to bop around with anyone, though the happy way she greets me at the end of the day is starting to add to the guilt pile too.

Next week, we get to go to work without the pressure of Friday jobsite meetings, or being called or emailed and having to drop things at any moment to go handle some crisis, and with a lot of annoying driving eliminated. Next week starts the new normal.

3/20/09

3/19/09 We moved!

Typing from Dave's computer here; most of the office is still in boxes.

WHAT a day. I don't think I've ever been so tired in my life. It went well, but moving is very very intense. I wanted SO much to just blow off the rest of the evening and go to bed, but, kids needed their beds made, clothes set out, and lunches made. It took hours to find everything needed just for those basic operations.

Kids were excited, all three had new beds in new places. Funny with the 3rd kid -- the transition from a crib to a bed, usually a big deal in a toddler's life, let alone in a new room in a new house was, "here ya go baby, good night!" She did fine. Katrina is a very adaptable person.

She's out of practice with stairs though, and not exactly a fast learner in the athletic department. "I scary!" But she got downstairs this morning herself, with some effort.

Boys are beside themselves about bunk beds. Julian's been sleeping on a crib mattress on the floor for months, since his toddler bed fell apart. For so long we knew we were moving that it wasn't worth upgrading his bed until we moved home, and now he finally has one. This is his first full-sized bed too.

A few problems though. NONE of the shower/baths in our new bathrooms work. That's THREE! One is only hot. One is only cold. And one is only lukewarm. It's like porridge! Fortunately one was "just right" -- the bathroom we already had, with my bathtub that I swore would never see a little boy's bare butt. Apparently we really do need four bathrooms. Gawd.

And our fancy new Bosch dishwasher doesn't dry dishes. They were dripping water this morning. Bug or feature?

And many of our phone and cable outlets, which we went to considerable expense and effort to have installed all over the house, don't work. No "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" in bed for me now!

But overall, we're really happy to be back here. I hadn't realized how confined I felt in our rental house. I like the taller ceilings, the ample windows, the wood floors, the second story, the multitude of spaces. I like walking around, I like the crazy way the spaces flow together. I like hanging out and looking around. That was the main reason we did this, something so intangible, yet so palpable. There's lots ahead, but it's mostly on our own time now.

And it only took Dave 20 minutes to drop everyone off this morning.

3/19/09

The photo session

Last Saturday, the day before the open house, my friend Paul came over to take some photos of the house. I pounced on an opportunity to get some photos of the kids by a good photographer with a good camera, and maybe even with me. Katrina was unusually cooperative, but Gabriel was really not feeling well. Still, Paul got some fun shots.



March 14, 2009

3/17/09 The Scholar

Tonight as I was helping Julian get ready for bed, he said excitedly, "Today in school, we did blending words!" Blending words? He continued, "The teacher asked us if we knew any words with 'sn' -- and I raised my hand right away and said 'SNOT!!'" Ah, a chip off the old block. My boy....makes me so proud.

This is the last night we spend at Hydrangea Court. I feel like I'm about to go to sleep in a black-and-white world and wake up in a color paradise.

3/17/09

3/16/09 Three on the island

I did get a few photos the day of our open house, before the event started. For once, I had the foresight to bring lunch for the bunch before the party. For actually sitting down and eating, we had to make do on the island. We'd intended the island to be able to seat three, somehow thinking at the time that three siblings next to each other would be a good thing.

And provided they're ordered carefully, it can be. Julian really couldn't bug Katrina much here, though he could kick the island under him a lot. I wasn't sure how Katrina would do on a barstool, but she was fine (though she's a long way from being able to climb up or down herself).

Our children's first meal in the house they will always remember as their childhood home. Such a moment.

I love these barstools. Black barstools definitely don't "go" in this kitchen, but painting the legs will take care of that.

I might just have to get "Pears" too.

The big push to pack is on!

3/16/09

3/15/09 Open House

Our open house today was a smashing success! I was so busy catching up with old friends, meeting neighbors and talking house that I never got to take a single photo. Many, many kids were there, and they had a great time with the hide-away closet under the staircase. The ping-pong table was in constant use (though I'm not sure much ping-pong actually got played), but the dirtpile was the favorite feature. I absolutely loved having our house overrun with kids running around and laughing and having a great time.

It was really fun to spend actual time in our house as a house, and not a jobsite. It meant that we could entertain and see our friends and make new ones -- primarily our neighbors that we've never met. There still are many things that need to be taken care of, but today was really the first time the house started to work for us, instead of us for it. It's going to be hard at work for years. Three childhood memories will be formed there.

3/15/09

The Milestone

Did I say the house is not a jobsite anymore? I counted five trades at the same time today -- painters, kitchen installers, floor guys, tile guys, and electricians. Plus the GC and GC's foreman. And the homeowner.

It should have been six trades -- our heat guy didn't get the message and didn't arrive today. Neither the upstairs nor downstairs heat works!

Please bow your heads and take a moment to honor a truly major milestone in this projecT: the porta-potty has been taken away! This moment was sufficiently momentous as to warrant a photo.

Bye!

Lots to prep for the open house Sunday, and then it's a big scramble to pack and move in. The house is the best it'll ever be right now -- gleaming new, empty, the tiniest flaws immediately repaired. I'm not the sort to be fussy about a perfect house -- my philosophy runs along the lines of "the house works for you, you don't work for the house." I respect shoes-off policies in other homes, but it doesn't at all fit us. Still, the first ding, the first furniture mark, the first crayon graffiti, will sting. For a few more days, it's still a showpiece, but after that, it shifts to "home."

3/13/09 Triple Trouble

There are times, as we wrap up the biggest construction project we'll ever take on in our lives, that I wonder: was this really necessary? Did we go overboard? Couldn't we be perfectly happy in the 1800 sq.ft. 4BR house we've been living in the last 9 months?

Ultimately, perhaps. But it's dawned on me recently that the physical configuration of the eating area has caused real problems. Annoyances, we've known all along, but "annoying" long ago tipped over into "problem."

There simply isn't enough room in the eating area for a family of five. The table that fits only seats four, and we have to seat the boys across from each other (and they still kick at each other under the table). If I do manage to sit down during dinner, Dave and I can't talk at all because the boys make so much noise yakking loudly to each other. Sitting them next to each other is unthinkable.

It's often worse when Katrina is at the table, since then they bug her constantly, but then, there's no chance for Dave and I to sit at the same time anyway. Breakfast isn't so bad though.


As a result, dinners are stressful ordeals that Dave and I both just bear down and endure and can't wait until they're over. Family dinners keep families together? Where? It will be really really nice when we have a place to banish foul-mouthed loud gross little boys -- and soon, girl.

I had to spend most of the day at the house today, to keep an eye on the contractors my kitchen designer used for the kitchen installation. These guys weren't managed through our general contractor, and the difference is remarkable. These guys fit every contractor stereotype: late, uncommunicative, unprepared, try to get away with the bare minimum, heel-dragging, excuses. So I stayed all day to keep an eye on the guy. Sure enough, he expected only to have to install glass, and I made sure he didn't book out before I showed him the other items.

Not that hanging around our soon-to-be home is all bad....I'd forgotten how much I liked just being there. There are a lot of spaces, a lot of levels, a lot of views. That also means a lot of projects, and I gladly spent the morning making a tiny dent in the massive landscaping problem we have now. It's been a very, very long time since I've spent the better part of the day outside, working on the grounds, at our own home. It felt really good.

We're bracing ourselves for a very very busy next few days!

3/13/09

3/12/09 Back to Outback

Our house was thoroughly, completely cleaned today by a crew of about 6 people -- this makes it officially a HOUSE, not a jobsite!

And we passed final inspection today!!

This means there will be all sorts of work going on tomorrow there. The kitchen guys are supposed to finish up, neither upstairs nor downstairs heat works, lots of light fixtures to replace now that we've met and passed code, and numerous other doorstop-level details.

But I couldn't resist taking a peek and some photos after picking up our little brood. While they waited in the car, Dave and I ran through the house and checked it out.

The kitchen, minus cabinet glass, but otherwise complete.

(I sorta wish the backsplash had more oomph, but I can't take my eyes off that niche.)

The family room, viewed from the kitchen. Notice sunlight streaming in? That's why we did this.


One view of the guest suite. We have grandparent guests staying for a week next month, so they'll test it out for us!


Now, all this is leading up to: by the time we were done buzzing around the house, it was almost 6pm. So we booked it to Outback for dinner on a whim. I'm happy to say we can do this now, despite not having one accoutrement with us for a 2-year-old with us. Not that we use a lot at home anyway -- bibs, sometimes, if Katrina allows it, but sippy-cups and such have long since been abandoned. Most restaurants have what we need.

(One of my best toddler-restaurant survival tricks is to ask for an empty coffee mug, which all restaurants have. I pour some milk out of the styrofoam, lidded, strawed kid-cup and into a coffee mug, and she drinks out of that. Coffee mugs are heavy and stable and very difficult to knock over. The light styrofoam, especially with the straw to catch on reaching arms, are a sure-fire bet to get knocked over.)

We've been to Outback many times, but tonight the boys were mildly curious about the Australia thing. Gabriel asked, "Is this an Australian restaurant?" Like asking if Man Bo Duck is a Chinese restaurant. Then Julian asked, "Is this Australian butter?"

Incredibly, as we were gathering to go, a lady at the table next to us caught our attention and said severely, "Ma'am -- your children --" Uh-oh, I'm gonna get it now. Katrina was getting a little punchy and loud, signalling our time to exit. "Your children were so well-behaved!" Katrina, for once, didn't have us pacing her around the restaurant and outside, indeed, she was funny and delightful.

OK, this entire post was supposed to be about the Australian butter question, but it ran away with me.

Today was the last day I commute from our rental house to work. Next week, Dave and I are both taking the entire week off work. I think the grand act of putting our lives back in place deserves that.

3/12/09

3/11/09 The Baker

I performed an unnatural act tonight -- I went to a mall. That's because I performed a very natural act, procrastinating, and don't have time to order gift baskets in time for the open house this weekend.

I stopped by Williams-Sonoma to pick up a second mini-muffin tin, as I use mine a lot, and I often need a second tin. While checking out, the friendly salesman said cheerfully and slightly apologetically, "While you're here, do you need some paper liners that fit in this tin?" I shook my head, not bothering to look up. "Or maybe some cupcake mix?"

I raised my eyes and looked at him squarely. "M i x?" He hesitated, unsure if my flat tone came from ignorance or contempt, and started to say, "yeah, like if you want to m a k e...." My wilting gaze cut him off, he stopped, then burst out laughing, understanding. "OH! A scratch baker!"

And then we had a nice chat about the pros and cons of various bakeware. It was fun, and sort of validating. I like bringing reality to theory and when I have a riveted, fascinated audience to hear my compulsively detailed pro-con lists. He'd never heard of a very basic flaw in their ultra-adorable train pan, for instance (a pan I love): most consumers of train cakes are kids. But if you put frosting on a train cake, it covers all the detail. And kids want frosting on cakes!

I really have come a long way as a baker recently, in no small part because of our remodel project. I've baked something different, and often something I've never made before, every Thursday night to bring to the construction crew on Fridays. This was partly fueled by a personal challenge to use every scrap of fruit that entered my house, though don't pat me on the back for not being wasteful -- this meant many energy-sapping hours of a 350-degree oven. It was a great outlet to experiment and try new methods and recipes. I wouldn't dream of serving the guys Duncan Hines on Fridays.

So now, I stash a few mixes for emergencies, but if I'm in a time crunch, I'll buy a whole cake. If I'm really baking, then what's the point of a mix? And now I can rescue twice as much fruit, and waste twice as much energy, flour and sugar, in my two ovens.

3/11/09

p.s. Our front porch, almost done -- still some tape on the door, the doorbell button is missing, and those horrible code-passing flood lights on the walls need to be replaced after final inspection....but I just love this. This is one of the best views of the house. We hadn't planned to replace the old painted porch floor, but we had to, and I'm so glad.

3/10/09 The Medical Mistake

Last night, I got a message from the medical foundation where I'd gone to Urgent Care for my awful sore throat. The culture for strep came back negative, and I didn't need to continue taking the antibiotic they'd given me in case it was. Good, 'cause that stuff was nasty.

Tonight I got another call, following up, checking to see how I felt. I think that's the most shocking thing -- I'm not a regular patient there, but they called to follow up? Fascinating. I commented that I hated the antibiotic, I was glad I didn't need to take it. "What?" the nurse asked, "you tested positive for Strep-A."

I don't know, either I misunderstood or the nurse who'd left a message was reading someone else's chart, but this person double-checked and confirmed with the doctor: positive for strep. That explains that -- I'd had sore throats as a kid, and whatever I had last week was no ordinary sore throat, it was really, really, really painful.

Speaking of medical mistakes, Katrina has resumed her nightly dinnertime tantrums, pleased by nothing. The storm usually blows over suddenly; we just never know when it will. Tonight some brown basmati rice pilaf did the trick. Even after she's done tantruming, she's very demanding, never satisfied with the first choice of spoon or cup. Occasionally, she'll demand my attention just to tell me something: "MommyMommyMommyMommy..." [ I turn my head to face her ] "...I'm going to eat my RICE!"

Tonight she did that again: "MommyMommyMommyMommy..." and I went up to her and asked what she wanted. She rested her head against me and said, "I love you, Mommy."

I was absolutely blown away.

3/10/09

Lax Tax

Whee-haw, can I just gloat: taxes all done and filed and paid tonight. That's my Dad's taxes, our personal taxes and now, my corporation's taxes too.

I'm proud of myself, I did everything myself (I always do the personal, but now there's the business too), and I think I've figured out how pay myself from my corporation and Uncle Sam and keep it all kosher. We'll see when the tax man comes a-knocking next year. Meantime, no CEO-bashing, 'cause I'm all about excessive executive pay!

I still have some quarterlies to file with the state, but for the most part, I can let this go and concentrate on moving. And, Dave got all our address change stuff done too. We're ready to move now.

Please hold onto something so that my huge sigh of relief doesn't blow you over.

3/9/09 Daylight Savings Time

Literal, absolute-thinking Gabriel can't accept Daylight Savings Time. Yesterday when I'd mention the time, he say with great consternation, "NO IT ISN'T!" and then insist it was actually an hour earlier. "So WHAT if the clock says 7:00?" he'd say. "You still know it's really only 6:00." He thought it would be a mere matter of informing the teacher to get the school to reset the time.

But I really had to laugh this morning, when he said that it also wastes energy to have to turn on the lights in the morning. My mother will certainly chuckle at that too, because as a kid, I too was very offended by a daylight savings time change that forced us to get up earlier. That daylight savings change was made early, brought on by the energy crisis of the 1970s. I so hated getting up earlier -- still do -- that I wrote an angry letter to President Nixon, informing him of the error in his energy-saving logic: "...we get up and TURN THE LIGHTS ON!" Clearly he hadn't considered this unintended consequence and needed me to enlighten him!

One very fundamental difference between having babies and schoolkids is that daylight savings time that results in getting up "earlier" is a good thing with babies (Katrina was zonked well past the-new-7am), but it's a bad thing when you have to get kids to school on time. Unless, that is, the school changes its ways based on an angry letter from a know-it-all kid.

3/9/09

3/8/09 Ping-pong playdate

With moving and a big open house coming up, what better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than setting up a ping-pong table? Finalizing taxes, changing addresses, organizing and packing belongings -- who needs it?

My friend Laura offered to help me assemble the table, a baffling generous offer. I can't fathom having that kind of time right now, but she had second purpose: a playdate to keep her busy boy busy. It worked for me too, because the boys were dragging their heels about spending another afternoon at the house, but as soon as they heard Lance would be there, they were all over it.

So Laura and I built the table while the boys swung logs at the big dirt pile, chased each other, jumped off stepstones into a big mud puddle (a game that inexplicably got named "dinosaur chocolate"), and swatted balls into our neighbors' yard. Something tells me the neighbors might miss those nice quiet air compressors!

We got it done and then it was time to test it out.



I figured out how to keep things going: each boy takes turn hitting the ball 3 times, with me retrieving and bouncing it for them. They're all far, far away from actually keeping a rally going, or even hitting the ball back if it comes their way, but they had a great time trying. Even with their flailings and silliness, it looked to me like Julian was granted some talent in hitting and aiming the ball.

I really do think we're going to have fun with this. But who said this is for the kids? *I* like to play and I'm tired of not having a place to! Maybe not at an open house party in a muddy yard, but it was as good an excuse as any.

Now I really do have to get to those taxes.

3/8/09

3/7/09 Backyard entertainment

Our lives are entirely about preparing for moving and living in a different house. A good, but busy thing. So this morning, I took all three and ran them to four different stores, including getting mattresses for the boys' new bunk beds, a chore accomplished with surprising speed and simplicity. I didn't get to microwave-shopping, but I'd just as soon do that without the kids anyway. It's a little unnerving how empty some stores are these days.

After Katrina's nap, I took Katrina and Gabriel to the house to meet up with Dave and Julian, who'd been there all afternoon. Note that choice of which child Dave took with him during Katrina's -- and my -- nap was carefully crafted! Being around just Julian is delightful. Being around Julian and either -- or worse, both -- of his siblings is a constant exercise in reminding, warning, scolding, countdowns, removals and timeouts. It took him only 10 minutes after our arrival to wiggle his dirt-smeared fingers in Katrina's eye.

Despite the active reunion of the three, Dave and I each managed to make progress on our projects. Post-nap munchies helped.


Katrina tested out, and helped compress with her 26 pounds, Dave's walkway to the deck.


But what could possibly be more entertaining than a huge pile of dirt in the backyard? Especially if it makes it easier to grab the rickety fence.

I saw the tail end of a nice tumble by Katrina off the dirt mound -- a benign affair that involved some uncontrolled rolling nonetheless. She's not that tough, she cried although she wasn't hurt at all, just surprised. I'm torn about how big a deal to make of it. She needs some comfort, but someday she's going to catch me rolling my eyes and decode my muttering "oh get OVER it."

The boys were so filthy afterward that I regretted not telling Dave to just strip them right at the front door. That instantly converted a plan for going out to dinner into takeout.

My goodness, our living room looks so much better with color -- walls, light fixture, entry door. The floors are mid-refinish too; somehow they needed refinishing at the last minute.


This is a little like being 38 weeks pregnant. I know my life is going to change completely in 2 weeks, but it's very difficult to envision and really put myself in that place. There's so much to do before then. I wish I could just close my eyes and hold my breath, and when I come up, it's all over.

3/7/09

3/6/09 Ponytays

There's a short window in a girl's life when high ponytails are super-cute. Maybe it's partly because at Katrina's age, she tends to fling her head a lot and they bounce around.

I do have practical reasons for "ponytays" as Katrina calls them. She hates having her hair trimmed, and usually disapproves of my brushing it as well ("don't brush me! stop brushing me!!"), but it gets full of food if I don't do something. OK, I admit it: part of it is self-indulgence. The one thing I do like about dressing a girl is cute hair.


Even if I'm not all that good at it. The ponytails are absolutely irresistable, and the boys love them too. I do still leave it down on weekends; she looks so scruffy it's very endearing. But there's plenty of time in life for that.

3/6/09

3/5/09 "Can I come out now?"

Every evening, almost without fail, Julian offends and re-offends so many times after we get home that I have to send him to his room. There's just so much sister-screaming I can take, and too many opportunities for him to get pummeled by his brother -- which is fine with me, but it escalates, it's easy to lose track of who's really at fault, then said brother started initiating obnoxiousness, and the whole situation is overall disruptive and annoying while I'm trying to kick into dinner/lunch/homework gear. I try to distract Julian -- it used to work to ask him to read to me in the kitchen -- but lately he's too determined to be a pain in the rear end.

Calm immediately settles over the house as soon as he's removed. And so, it's very easy to forget he's in his room.

"Can I come out now?"

Usually, after a small struggle getting him into his room, he calms down and plays quietly or reads, and he too forgets he's been banished. Then he gets tired of it, far past his original sentence, and calls out sincerely, "Can I come out now?"

It always makes me feel a little bad....I keep forgetting he's in there, and he's being pretty good. But once he's out, it doesn't take long before he's pestering one or other sibling and the rounds start again.

"Can I come out now?" Little sad sack. I really wish he would, and I wish he'd just be with me.

This is the cheeriest thing I have to say for the day...I'm a health disaster, with a horribly swollen and sore throat, fighting aches and chills, and generally just feeling awful. My back is mostly better, but the residual foot-buzzing will be with me for weeks, if not months.

3/5/09

3/4/09 Catch me!

...caught! Dave's cold. nice timing.

3/3/09 Down the drain

I gave Julian a shower again tonight, with the express purpose of separating him and Gabriel during the bedtime process. This cuts the screaming and resistance and crying and competition by a factor of ten.

OK, put up your gross-out shields. Julian's nose is often so blocked that it's a pain to get him to blow it into tissues, and the warm water from showers loosens things up. So I have him blow his nose in the shower. He was reluctant at first, but tonight, he hit the motherlode of fun: huge disgusting fingertip-sized boogers hitting the ground and sliming their way down the drain! That's disgusting! It's even funnier if Mom tries to splash the booger back onto you, not that I would ever do such a thing. One time a snot came flying out of his nose and almost hit me -- does it get any better than that?! He luuuuvs showers now, lemme tell you.

Trying not to think about the thousands of things I have to do, what with moving in two weeks and all, I watched Julian and Katrina playing with two colored ping-pong balls together for about half an hour, it was very cute. Then Katrina got a hankering for Julian's knapsack, which is too big for Julian, and very sweetly asked if we could help her put it on. She was so proud of herself walking around with it that pictures just didn't do it justice. This video doesn't either, but you get an idea of how she vaguely resembled a ladybug!

(You can see Julian constantly pestering her, some of which she's OK with, more of which makes her push him away, as usual!)

Ah, a mother can only hope she'll follow in her brothers' footsteps of playing snot games.

3/3/09

3/2/09 Sink and swim

The Dow below 7000...my fragile back limiting my ability to work...the pressure of an upcoming party and move...the growing feeling that I'm failing my children by not spending enough time with them. Sink, sink, sink.

Today it was blustery and rainy, usually a sort of day I like, but it pushed my mood down even further. (Katrina likes the wind though, smiling and laughing whenever the wind blows her hair, like she's a model hamming it up in front of a fan and a photographer.) Tonight was rainy and cold, back to the weekly grind, and my entire upper body sore and weak from supporting my upright stance...so there was only one solution. Swim!

Yes, believe it or not, tonight I went out in 54-degree weather (note to East Coasters: that feels colder here than it does there!), in the rain, and went swimming. Outdoors, of course. I really don't like indoor swimming. It was as cold and nasty as you can imagine getting into the pool, but once in? Ah...a familiar paradise. A constant. Like a return to the womb. I gladly paddled my way through the constant-temperature water, my mind flowly as freely as my liberated body, my head and psyche staying submerged in the peace except for the quick necessary breaths. As difficult as it was to make myself go, I know from much experience that I never, ever regret it. My body is soothed, my soul calmed.

When I got home, the boys hadn't started bedtime yet, so I got Julian ready, spending some very focused time with him. He was cheerful and laughed a lot and was very sweet. And he gave me lots of kisses. I joked with him that his kisses were like magic. But it's true.

3/2/09

3/1/09 A New Month

This month. I can say that now. "When are you moving home?" This month. March 18. Suddenly 2-1/2 weeks never seemed so long.

Productivity today was still hampered by a fragile back -- any length of standing or sitting makes it feel very weak, and my legs and feet fall asleep quickly from sitting. Nevertheless, I did go to the house with two goals in mind: one, to see if I could start placing some privacy window film on a neighbor-facing window that we forgot to order with obscured glass, and two, to get the bouncing boys out on a rainy day.

Yet another thing to "get over": I insisted that this bay window be low enough to sit on, despite its odd look, since "standard" bay windows are about 30" high. But somehow this one ended up only 18" off the floor. I'm wishing I had accepted the architect's recommendation and just made it "standard." What a perfect place this could have been to put a sewing table! (I still could, but stuff would fall off behind it).

The boys approved too, for the .0015 second they were actually sitting.


Overall this "sitting room" is great though, I think I'll end up spending a lot of time here. This month.

3/1/09

2/28/09 Pedaling backward

Katrina, my stubborn little girl...she's going to outgrow this tricycle before she learns to pedal it. She probably could pedal it if she weren't so OFFENDED by anyone trying to show her. Ah well. Tricycles are for fun, and she just loves sitting on it and pushing herself around with her feet on the ground in circles.

2/28/09

2/27/09 Sleepover

Kids out for the count tonight...any fantasies I had about spending the evening taking care of taxes or house things were re-directed by the mess I have for a lower back. Just as well....Dave and I went to see the 1950 movie 7 days to Noon, then out to a nice grownup dinner.

Hobbling around with a cane invites all sorts of bad-back stories and chiropractor recommendations, but few match the symptoms I have, until today. Ramon, our jobsite foreman, had an identical back problem to mine, including the falling-asleep feet. His problem is managed by some sports medicine specialists that I'd already heard of and had intended to contact. He confirms what I'd heard from the physiatrist I'd seen (who I like but only works Tues+Thurs, not often enough to see when the problem happens): probably a herniated lumbar disc.

(For Ramon, it worked out: once his back injury ruled out manual labor, our most excellent contractor sent him to treatment, then to school for project management, and now as a foreman managing projects, is one of our contractor's most valuable and loyal assets. Now that's smart business!)

It intrigues me again that our overall more sensitive child, Julian, acts oblivious to my handicap. But Gabriel is very concerned: "Mom, have you seen a doctor yet?" I remember feeling the same way when I was a kid too: you need to know your mother is completely strong. I remember once when there was a chance my mother would have to go into the hospital for pneumonia, and being utterly, completely, world-shatteringly terrified.

Dave and I had a nice night out in Palo Alto, but I'm quickly reminded as soon as it's time to stand up how restricted my movement is. And anyone who knows me well knows that I don't have much inbetween: I'm either in constant motion, or a complete slug. The in-between of sitting is the worst for my back. Like now. So I'm going to lie down.

2/27/09

2/26/09 Back to back

Ice.
Cane.
Rest.
The only thing missing: drugs. Alcohol will have to do.

Katrina ate green beans tonight, by request. Miracles do happen.

2/26/09

2/25/09 Service Outage

Gabriel went back to school today -- at first. We got called out because he was complaining of an earache. Dave took him to the pediatrician, who diagnosed an ear infection -- and a probable tail end case of hand, foot and mouth disease. Benign, no treatment, no isolation -- just an FYI. That could explain Julian's sore throat earlier this week too.

But that meant no work for me this afternoon as I'd planned. Not the end of the world, but since I know I have a lot of time off coming up (a week in March and a week in April), I'm trying to get in as much as I can.

I made the best of it my unexpected afternoon off, taking care of errands that had to be run anyway. Such as picking up and delivering our new ping-pong table! One good thing I have to say about this economy: it's not hard to buy a $400 table for $229. There it is in the garage, boxed up, after unloading.


Dave disapproves of this development on the grounds that it's a huge thing to store that won't get used much. Even though he's right, I wanted it anyway.

But I gave him another even sounder reason to frown on this idea this afternoon.

That box is heavy. Very very heavy. I got one of the guys at the jobsite to help me unload it, but...the operative word in there is one. Not two. One guy. So I did some of the lifting too. Guess what -- I can throw my back out by actually doing something, instead of just standing there innocently and feeling it snap!

I'm barely above cane level now, though fairly hunched over, and in an unusual amount of pain for this injury. I've been struggling against falling-asleep feet and legs for weeks, since my last close call, and this is a huge setback. I so don't need an injured back when we're about to move. I think today was a clear signal that my days of heavy lifting and being determined to do things myself no matter what may require reconsideration. Fortunately, in a few years I'll have two strong teenage sons to do all the heavy lifting around here.

Our new mantel is in!! It's so awesome that now I'm regretting the hearth tile, which is relatively washed-out and blah by comparison. It's so focal, it's crying out for granite. But the last thing I need now is to wish we'd done something fancier, when most of my regrets and fears are about having gone overboard. (In fact, speaking of overboard, I'm also wishing the surround tile was all just one type, no little details -- very unlike me, since I love little details. This tile is so neat that it really stands well just on its own, and I find the little square pieces along the top distracting.)

The stain color doesn't match the rest of the room, but FEH. I'm tired of matching. It's just not in my DNA. I'm a mishmash sort of person.

Besides, my MAIN reason for a mantel is because I consider it a crime against humanity not to have a place to put family photos or hang Christmas stockings over a fireplace. Now there's a place to set stuff! As usual, the "function" aspect is very clear to me -- the mantel also has built-in shelves on the side -- but the "form" part totally trips me up.


I had no idea how ill-suited I am mentally, intellectually and creatively to remodeling. I will be so, so glad when the constant barrage of New things to get used to is over. And for the next few days, my back will see to it that I see very much the same things.

2/25/09

p.s. I just love my $7 fireplace screen -- it fits perfectly!

2/24/09 Screen scream

Gabriel had a temperature and sore throat this morning, so I stayed home with him. If you can call it staying "home" -- unfortunately, I had to run him all over the place this morning. I was determined to go to another Lowe's way the heck out in S.J. to get the very last fireplace screen in the entire Bay Area, and was very proud of myself for succeeding, and for a mere $20. Then I dropped off a package at the UPS store, then took Gabriel to Target with the promise of finding ping-pong balls for a Lego project...

...and there I found a stack of clearance fireplace screens, for $7. AGGH! After all I've been through online and physical shopping for screens, here they are right at Target, and cheap, all along! I bought one just on principle. Actually, I like it better than the $20 one I got at Lowe's, which I'll return. These days I'm happy to make a trip to a store to save $13.

At least we won't fail final inspection for lack of a fireplace screen.

And since I couldn't find Gabriel any ping-pong balls at Target, we went to a sporting goods store. They had ping-pong balls, but what are ping-pong balls without a matching ping-pong table?

So I bought one of those too...!

Now if that doesn't lure my brother out here for a visit, I don't know what will. Not that I have any intention of letting him redeem himself, despite his wicked spin. I have my eye on Julian as my next opponent -- when he can see over the table, that is. Ping-pong tables are great at parties, and this one will be set up for our open house on Sunday afternoon, March 15th. That's an unofficial announcement!

2/24/09

2/22/09 A nothing Sunday

The pressure is relentless, but sometimes all that does is gridlock me. Taxes, final inspection details, packing....there's only so much I can take. So I took the younger two to the Y, where I lost myself in a Zumba class. Then I napped away the afternoon, exhausted from being up until 4am fretting.

The day's one bright spot came from Julian, who's been more of a black hole for fun lately than a bright spot. He was sitting at the table while I was making dinner, watching me. Then out of nowhere: "Oil and water are hydrophobic." We had a nice chat about oil and water after that. After dinner, I went to work.

2/22/09

2/23/09 Blue Monday

This should be an exciting day -- I scheduled the movers for Wednesday March 18.

Is this really coming to an end? I can't get excited about it yet. Indeed, it's daunting. I just want a normal life back. But the mountains of work ahead, the awful economy, our dwindled savings, our over-spectacular house, and my distorted memory of full-time motherhood have reset what "normal" is, or should be. I really have no idea anymore.

After kids were in bed, I went to work tonight. One "normal" I'm very much looking forward to putting behind us is the hours I spend on so many days driving around taking care of remodeling-related tasks.

2/23/09

2/21/09 Seasonal Items

In order to pass final inspection, there are some common -- you'd think -- items that need to be in place, including a fireplace screen. No big, just pop on down to the local big-box and pick one up, right?

Wrong. Fireplace screens are apparently "seasonal items," and those sections are now being populated by patio furniture and grills. Lowe's, Home Depot and OSH -- nada. Fooey. So much for trying to support local brick-and-mortar -- it's the mouse for me now.

At least Katrina got to ride in the "Blue Car!" at Lowe's and the "Orange Car!" at Home Depot.

2/21/09

2/20/09 The door to home

Our doors are in place. Our new front door:

Our new side door, this time, hinged properly:


It's bittersweet; at this point I'm so frazzled by the normal problems that it's hard to get excited about anything. I can't take the swings. I'm better off just being constantly irritated; the slide down is too hard.

I spent the day with Gabriel, since the CDC activities looked boring today and I figured as long as I wasn't working, I'd enjoy the day with him. I doubt he enjoyed it much with me, as the first half of it was spent zooming around doing remodeling errands. That included over an hour at the house...I mean, jobsite, with him checking out closets and hopping around and being silly. It was nice seeing him in the house actually, it makes it so much more real.

(It's tempting to think we're doing this for them, but that's not true, they just want a place to play. But I care that when they're older, our house will be a place they'll want to hang out with their friends, with plenty of spaces, and of course, a welcoming mother who finds the perfect balance between being a Cool Mom, but gives them their space. My, I dream large!)

We gave 30-day notice at our rental today....I haven't set a date with the movers yet, but we're looking at March 17. yeah, yay, whatever.

2/20/09

2/19/09 Rattled

Intensely stressful day. Wrote lightly about it on my remodeling blog. I even missed Coffee Night with my mom friends, knowing I'd be poor company. Problem solved, but I'm getting very very tired of these things coming up every day.

Good yoga class at the Y tonight though... the intent was to improve my psyche, but it turned out to the best thing yet for my creaky, marginal back.

A few photos of kids as we returned from the grand pickups today.


Katrina attempting to avoid the camera. What's up with that?!


They make a lot of sounds. The contrast tonight between Gabriel (who's singing "The Entertainer") and Katrina (who's having a typical meltdown until she gets her Mimi) is remarkable.

(Note that the way this bathroom is set up, it's very easy to whack someone who just got out of the bath with the door, hence Dave's admonishment to close the door, aimed towards rambunctious brothers.)

2/19/09

2/18/09 The Natural Order

I mentioned to Dave yesterday that I had to pull over on a fairly busy street in rush hour to switch the boys in the back of the car, since Katrina was screaming constantly from Julian bugging her. "Are you crazy?!" he said, "You let Julian ride next to Katrina?!"

Not today. Despite protests from Julian (as the middle seat is hotly contested), I insisted he ride on the side, and Gabriel climb over him to sit in the middle. Ahhh.. The contrast in peace reminds me of the zen state that motorcycle riders enter when hatches are battened down for a nice long ride -- earplugs in, sunglasses on, visor down, leathers all zipped up, full tank of gas, and it's just you and the sound of your engine and the wind to focus you on the scenery and the feel of the road, with your thoughts flowing and mind alive.

OK, OK, driving around with three children is still not exactly meditative, but the contrast was remarkable. What's that I hear? Oh! It's myself thinking!

Our little middleborn has been sort of a pain lately. Whiny, complaining, irritating. It's different than the family-freezing impasses that his siblings bring on; Julian isn't cut from the same cloth that Gabriel and Katrina are. In fact, I'll go on a small limb here and say that he's the most different one in the family -- a good thing, but it means that understanding him doesn't come as easily to us.

With Julian, when he's been acting out for a while, I do start to wonder if there's something in his life that's weighing on him. He says he doesn't like school, but he's never unhappy when I pick him up, he has lots of friends, doesn't get into trouble -- no low-hanging fruit there. It twangs my guilt strings ...maybe he needs more home time. Or more one-on-one Mom time.

I put off my endless evening tasks tonight when I found him playing with a marble game in his room, and sat with him and joined him. He wanted to build the marble ramps himself, but he was clearly glad I was there, so I just asked him questions and let him lead it. It was a nice time together, though I was aware it was on my terms and not his, and that's still not exactly what he needed. I wish we had more time together so that he can pick and choose our moments as he likes.

It strikes me again that in so many ways, they need me more now than they did as babies and toddlers. When they're all in school, I really hope I don't have to work. Babies need someone, but a 5-year-old really needs his mother. And father. Not so much his brother. And his sister definitely could do without him sometimes!

2/18/09

2/17/09 The Near Miss

Tonight I went to the jobsite house to check out the progress on the family room fireplace tile, since Dave thought there was a chance it was on its way toward being installed wrong. On the way there, I braced myself for another potential problem -- how will I handle this? I'm very, very weary of having to "get over" things. So many things aren't quite right, but are so permanent. At this point, I'm now doubting some very basic decisions we made over a year ago. Time, living in another house, and drastically different economic conditions have really changed my perspective.

I stepped onto the porch to look for packages -- and our feeble overhead porch light went on automatically. It never used to do that, but we had to attach it to a motion sensor to meet code, one of countless changes and expenses we've had no choice on. As a porch light, it was never enough, but as an automatic light to guide you up the steps, I found it welcoming, gentle, and perfect. We should have had something like this years ago.

Finally, a really nice surprise. And better yet, the family room fireplace tile was perfect too.

2/17/09

2/16/09 The Holiday

President's Day! Dave's company, Gabriel's school and daycare, and Julian's preschool, were all closed! I went to work, Katrina went to Tonya's, and it was up to the boys to fend for themselves today.

Being a shameless opportunist, I sent Dave on my daily remodeling errands....drop off stain samples, pick up a few overlooked plumbing items, deal with an underestimated amount of flooring material, the usual. So I got to go to work, and come home from work, directly -- no extra trips. Amazing...is this what it's like to be a grownup and a homeowner living at home?

Then again, usually my remodeling errands are done sans little boys. I talked to Dave briefly while he was at the plumbing store (yes, satin nickel please), and in the few seconds we spoke, I could hear Julian tattling in the background: "Gabriel touched my butt!" Dave said later that was preferable to his follow-up announcement to the whole (small) store: "GABRIEL SAID P-NIS!!" Ah, such open-minded observant children we're raising.

I was truly glad to see my little brood tonight, though very sorry I had to spend so much of my time dealing with dinner, cleanup, lunches, laundry, gathering things for tomorrow. And in the background weighs on me constantly: remodeling stuff as always, and now, taxes. I must get all taxes done before we move, or it'll turn into a major scramble with all our things in boxes right around deadline time. "All" means our personal taxes, my Dad's, and my corporation's, which has a dealine of March 15. This new world of corporate tax filing makes our personal taxes seem like a piece of cake!

But I did enjoy watching them all play together tonight. I continue to marvel at how different Katrina's 2-year-old life is than Gabriel's was. At her age, most of his play at home was done quietly on his own, though he was curious about his infant brother. Nothing quiet about Katrina's 2-year-old life, surrounded by two rambunctious brothers. That has to have an effect. Good or bad, we'll see.

Short, cute ending. Notice how Katrina yells at Gabriel when she feels threatened by his waving feet.


Longer, more of the same. Notice how Julian kisses her hand in the beginning. Another cute ending, when she wants to show me her Kitty-Kat.


Much of this silliness was for her benefit. Indeed, her life is ruled by having two older brothers, but she has a powerful effect on the dynamic too. Unwittingly, she takes pressure off the brothers' relationship, since Julian often wants to play when Gabriel wants to be left alone (age, personality). Katrina fills that gap -- often against her will!

Unfortunately, after another 40 minutes, Gabriel was still completely into his siren-sounds and mussing people's heads and was getting completely out of control, knocking things down and being incredibly annoying. Childhood play is one thing, but I'd had enough. I even spent 5 minutes standing outside in the cold and rain with him, pretending to show him something outside, just to try to break him out of it. No good. Finally an insisted-upon shower broke him out of it, but I had to brace myself for a major battle. That was OK. I had the energy for it, because I'd had a holiday. I think that was a good thing....

2/16/09

2/15/09 A touch of Portland

This doesn't happen often around here -- it rained all day!

I look Katrina and Julian to the Y today, thinking that maybe the late-morning Zumba class wouldn't be so crowded on a rainy day. Instead, the teacher announced that she counted 98 -- yes, ninety-eight -- people in the class. It's so popular that they've long since abandoned the number system and instead moved it to a much larger room. I just had to get there a few minutes early to get a primo spot up front, something years of dance classes taught me to do. I'm short and slow to catch on to choreography -- I need a great view of the teacher. A great way to spend a rainy morning! (Negotiating semi-flooded parking lots with a toddler who insists on walking, then refuses to walk in the direction needed, and hence has to be carried...not so much.)

Katrina's handed-down rain jacket is too small, the hood won't stay on. So she got an upgraded hand-me-down today. It's a little big, but sooooo cute! And she actually wore the hood. She really really wanted to play outside!



I had an odd pang today, when my brother gave me an update on the work he and my sister and brother-in-law are doing on my Dad's house. I want to do that too! What?! you might think. Why would I want to do home projects after all we've been through! Well, because, it's my home then. No one shakes their head and tells me you can't do that, or you shouldn't do that, or barrages me with a list of reasons why they don't think it's the right thing to do. I like doing home projects. I might like them even more now that I won't have to do them.

Oh yeah, except that pesky landscaping thing....urgh. With all this rain, it's going to be as green as Portland pretty soon, but in a few months it'll turn California brown.

2/15/09

2/14/09 What Valentine's Day is about

"What is Valentine's Day about?" Gabriel asked. He'd refused to do any cards for his classmates.

"Love," I answered, squashing a cynical remark about a manufactured holiday to sell cards and flowers. "It's about telling people you love them."

"Oh," he said. "A girl must have invented that."

Smart -- and wise!

2/14/09

2/13/09 A touch of Colorado

A backdrop of snow-capped mountains is a rare sight around here.

It's a common sight in many places, so why does this make me think Colorado? Just because it seems especially spectacular there, based on my few visits.

Not that we're moving anywhere anytime soon. While we could potentially push hard for the house to be ready March 6, there are too many things that could trip us up. Another week lets us handle every last detail while the house is still a jobsite, its easier for trades to get in and out, and we don't have coordinate. I absolutely do not want anyone traipsing around our house while we're living there! Also, our contractor does a 2-day deep post-construction cleaning, which should be done dead LAST.

Flooring is going in -- now that makes it look like a house! I find myself frustrated and disappointed with countless items (today I'm beating myself up that I didn't insist on seeing a stain sample before all the trim got stained, it's too dark and brown and not red enough), so I'm happy to say that I love the floor.


I'm far, far more tired Friday evenings than any other day of the week, since I spend the whole day from 8am on running around and taking care of construction items. I spend less time with the kids on Fridays, my day "off," than I do on weekdays with homework and lunches. Four more Fridays!

2/13/09

2/12/09 Car-frontation

What a rattling day. First I was excited that it looked like we could move in a week earlier than I thought. Then it turned out that an important PG&E installation was missed. Now it looks like we can make up that time, but now my kitchen butcher block top will be late, which isn't a problem by itself, but it halts the installation of a necessary electrical outlet -- yes, a single outlet -- in the island, required by code.

Already tense, I went about the usual routine of pickups after work -- an easy day, since Katrina was at TLC. I was really looking forward to seeing them, and Katrina rewarded me with a spectacular "Mom-my!", ran to me and gave me her version of a huge hug. She turned to the line of toddlers staring and announced, "Thas' my Mommy!" It was the sort of scene that makes other adults smile and marvel at our close connection and my fabulous parenting.

All to be unravelled in the next few minutes.

As usual, I left Julian and Katrina in the car while I fetched Gabriel. But this time, it took extra time to get him since he had to sit on the pot first. Thank goodness he's speedier about business than Julian, but still, he's a kid, and it takes some time.

While waiting, I looked outside at my car, and saw a scene developing. One of the school administrators -- the same one whose sh*t list I'm already on for a possible residency violation -- and another parent (or teacher perhaps) were peering into my car. Great, they see Julian and Katrina alone in the car. I looked at them from my vantage point, they saw me, but they weren't clear of my role in this scenario.

I went back to hurry Gabriel, then anxiously back to the door -- now the principal had joined them, and the parent was on a cell phone. I considered going out, but I needed to keep after Gabriel. Finally he was ready, and I rushed him across the parking lot.

"Oh, are these yours?" the administrator asked suspiciously.

As I expected, the lecture about the dangers of leaving them in the car ensued, and I cut it off with saying they were far safer in the car than if I were to walk all three of them across this busy parking lot twice, twice a day.

The other parent was particularly horrified at my laxness: "What if someone takes your car?" Oh please! I told her I had my keys, and it was far, far, FAR more likely that they'd get hit in the parking lot by another car. That happens. Car thefts and kidnappings from school parking lots in Cupertino....not so much.

The school administrator pointed out I hadn't even locked my car. I looked squarely at her and said, "Really? Do you really think they're safer locked in? What if something happened to me? Then no one could get to them!" She shrugged, unprepared for such a direct question. "I think they're better off if people can open the doors."

"Wowwww..." said the other parent.

The administrator persisted: "What if they get out and run across the parking lot?" I answered that one is strapped in, and the other just doesn't do that. He's five for Pete's sake.

"Woww....." said the other parent, almost in pity at my inability to see the obvious threat of kidnapping and car theft versus a toddler breaking away and getting hit by a car. She said critically, "They're safest with you."

"In this parking lot?!" I snapped. She said she didn't have time and left. The administrator continued, "What if we called the police?" I told her, "I've explained this very thing to the Sheriff, and he agreed!"

By now I was getting mad. "You really think it's safer for me to walk all three children --" I had to pull rank here; sometimes three children gives you moral authority "-- across this parking lot, with all these minivans backing out?!" I gestured toward the white minivan parked next to me. It was hers.

"Now THAT is dangerous, and it is the far far more likely scenario than someone taking my car." They paused, taken aback by my escalating belligerence. "I take my children's safety very seriously, and walking three little children across a busy parking lot isn't it!"

The principal backed down and made one of his usual fumbling comments about just wanting to let me know, and I thanked his hurrying back for his concern. The administrator followed quickly, unwilling to stick out the evolving tirade. I can't say I blame her. I regretted getting mad, but I was in no mood to be judged.

But it was the other parent that really irked me. "Wowwwww..." Like I was dangling them off a balcony. Of course later, I wished I'd asker her: "When you back your car out, are you completely certain there is no child behind your car? Because here's one thing you can be certain of: it's not one of mine." But even if I'd thought to suggest that she herself might be the very danger against which I was protecting them, it wouldn't have done any good. She was already completely convinced of my irresponsibility. I think I saw her writing my license number down.

None of them noticed that my first-grader is one of the very few who still has to hold my hand across the parking lot. Even at TLC, all three of my children still have to hold my hand across the small private 3-car lot right in front of the building. At TLC, about 5% of the time, I have to make two trips to get everyone in the car, as I need two hands for the football hold for a tantruming Katrina. I take parking-lot safety very seriously; as a motorcylist I knew the odds of my getting hit in a parking lot were far far higher than on a highway.

As Dave points out, my primary motivation for leaving them in the car is convenience, not safety, but I absolutely reject a safety argument for bringing them with me as specious, not thought-out, knee-jerk, politically correct, and just plain wrong given this set of circumstances. By far their -- and my -- biggest threat in that parking lot is other cars, not kidnapping. Every safety decision is balanced against convenience, though most people bristle at that idea. Safety above all else! the dogma goes. No one adheres to that, or they'd never get into cars. Why don't you wear a helmet in a car? Because it's inconvenient.

Well, I found a fine way to ingratiate myself with the school administration, now, didn't I? We were already on thin ice. Something tells me my request for an AM time for my kindergartner won't be met with any extra consideration.

I don't expect a lot of support from you readers for my position, but for what it's worth, I'm by no means the only one to leave small children in a car for a few minutes on a regular basis. In many cases, it's safer. And it's certainly more convenient. "Woww....."

2/12/09

2/11/09 I love you Julian

Julian got a list of all the names of the kids in his class. It didn't say "you must write a valentine," but that was the implication. Like I have bandwidth to oversee his valentines, and Gabriel's and Katrina's too. Not happening here.

No matter; Julian took it upon himself to write them. I gave him some blank paper, and he decided for himself to draw a heart, and write "I love you ____ Julian," for each kid in his class. He's up to 8 out of 15.

My sweet, sweet boy. I love you Julian!

Potty-training practice is going .... well .... sort of. If even the tiniest step is made each day, it's a step, and that's where we're at: tiny steps. The BIG step of actually sitting on a toilet, let alone actually going in it, is far, far away. But for now, I'm thrilled with the progress of being willing to wear underpants -- or at least, reluctantly accepting the absence of a diaper.

She insists on wearing Gabriel's Thomas underpants though.

Our tiny (but really, big!) steps include telling us each time she went in the underpants, and one time taking them off herself after going. She didn't ask about a diaper at all tonight. For only three diaper-free nights at home, this is all far more progress than I'd dared hope.

2/11/09

School readiness

Today we got a short evaluation for kindergarten readiness from Julian's preschool. The "academic" criteria are very elemental, though really, they should be. Despite what many patrons of our school district might think, it's only kindergarten. Things like recognizing letters, colors, shapes, numbers. By those measures, Katrina is almost ready for kindergarten!

More importantly, his teacher wrote "very good" for the social criteria: attention span, social maturity, gross and fine motor skills, self-discipline, class participation, and that based on her assessment of his social and emotional maturity, excellent success can be expected in Kindergarten.

Not that I was in any way worried about Julian. I actually had a hard time filling out a parent survey for his kindergarten registration, especially about his strengths and weaknesses, goals I have for him, if there are any issues the teacher should be aware of, does he work well in groups, etc. He's so well-rounded there's really not a lot to say besides "He's great!"

Yesterday I was trying to give Gabriel an example of how math can be useful in the real world, as he complains sometimes about why he has to do homework. I told him, "Today at work, I needed to know how many minutes there are in a day." He scrunched up his face, puzzled, and said, "Well, why would you need to know one-thousand four-hundred and forty?!" OK, OK, never mind. [ Addendum: this is something he memorized, not that he calculated on the fly. ]

Two days ago I was showing Dave some samples of new handles for our dining room hutch, and mentioned that three of them cost $15 each, but one cost only $3. "WHAT?!" Gabriel exclaimed, "FORTY-EIGHT DOLLARS?!" I stared at him. Could I do that in first grade? Would I have?

He calculates quickly, but it takes years of experience to put into context what $48 means. I'm still learning how myself. $15 is a lot for a handle, but $5 is a lot for a piece of cheesecake too. Fortunately, I don't need a lot of either, and I'm buying both.

2/10/09 MOMom

Mean Old Mom. I like this kind of meanness.

Tonight before bed, Julian asked for ice cream. He'd earned it, since as usual, he'd eaten all his dinner, including a healthy dose of spinach. Gabriel wanted ice cream too, but he hadn't touched his spinach. I told him no, he had to eat some spinach first. So I put a plate of creamed spinach in front of him and told him that was his road to ice cream. He objected at first, but ice cream was too powerful an incentive.

This on the tails of a complaint by the boys, on the way home from pickups, "Mommy, how come we never get to go to McDonald's?"

Yessiree, this is the sort of mom-you-are-so-mean I can live with. Despite the strong risk that I'm permanently turning them off to spinach, and elevating McDonald's to forbidden-fruit status.

2/10/09

2/9/09 Changes

Whew! What a day of logistics.

It's time to decide and commit to where Katrina is going to go next year, as I need to reserve her spot at TLC (Julian's most excellent preschool where she goes Tues-Thurs) by Thursday. I hate to break the ties from Tonya's, but even Tonya thinks Katrina needs to go to one or the other, not both. I'm sure she's right. I'd much rather Tonya's family daycare, but it's just far enough, and opens just late enough, that it puts me on a busy expressway, max distance from work, at the peak traffic hour. But this might not matter so much when we're living closer to everything, and the boys both go to the same place.

The BIG change is that Tonya is suggesting to a group of parents that they all potty-train their toddlers, and asked if I'd like Katrina to join. The other kids are overall much readier -- they have gone on the potty before, and don't resist the whole idea with screaming fury -- but the group-think might work on Katrina. (This is a handy departure from older older brother's style!)

So tonight, I decided for this week: no diapers at home.

Katrina was outraged at the idea when we got home and I stripped her down, but she's distractable and to my surprise, I was able to get her past the tantrum. Then she said she wanted underpants, understandably enough. After vociferously rejecting various suggestions I had, including the Elmo set she'd chosen herself at Target, she agreed to Thomas underpants. Fortunately, we still have a stash of those in Gabriel's drawer. Looks like I'll be training my girl in Spider-Man and Scooby-Doo instead of Princesses and Dora.

Having done this twice before, I'd be surprised if she potty-trains in the next few weeks, but we're laying important groundwork for later. I had to change her clothes twice, but this is good -- she got to see and feel the consequences. And I confirmed what I've suspected for a while: she's past the baby-phase of going ALL the time, unlike her brothers at this age who went every 15 minutes. Physically, she can probably handle it. Cooperation is the much bigger hurdle. Miss Contrary has to decide for herself, but it seems she needs a little push.

Now I have to figure out if I can cut the tie to family daycare. I'm not sure I can. Who's the resistant one who needs training here?!

Speaking of logistics and changes: I turned in the kindergarten registration packet for Julian today at the school. My boy is going to kindergarten! I actually got choked up leaving the school office with my registration receipt.

2/9/09

2/8/09 Sensitivities

Julian in so many ways is more physically sensitive than Gabriel. His tummy has always been more volatile, he's horribly allergic to penicillin, he gets canker sores, he gets nosebleeds -- he even has a lot more snot than Gabriel! (sorry, TMI.)

And now, I suspect Julian has a genuine food allergy: kiwi. A benign one as they go, since it's not exactly a pervasive food, but he's very consistent in complaining that his throat hurts as soon as he eats one. It's no threat and he's in no danger, but it's a shame, because he's the only one here besides me who will eat kiwi, and they're healthy!

A first today: I didn't carry Katrina at all leaving the Y this morning!

Not that she can't walk of course, but it's a question of cooperation. She won't always (ever?) hold my hand crossing streets or parking lots or walk with me. But today she was great walking back to the car (a fair distance since the Y's parking lot was full). Let's gloss over the fact that I carried her in in a football hold, kicking and screaming!

Tonight, Julian is concerned that the Earth will turn into a star.

2/8/09