9/21/09 Stay-at-home Monday

OK, I promised some photos and video of Gabriel at the BMX park last Sunday. He's ventured into the 2nd-level area now, and while he won't do the hardest hills, just getting there is more advanced than anything in the 1st-level area.







A fine place to stop for a cellphone chat. This kid will get his driver's license in what, 2 years? Can't wait.


My camera's shortcomings as a video camera really show when trying to record so much movement, but here's a glimpse anyway.



I happened to capture a guy hanging at the top of a plateau giving Gabriel a verbal pat on the back as he rode by. Aside from one other really good 6-year-old (better than he is, Gabriel says), Gabriel really stands out as being the smallest and youngest in this area.


Since Katrina threw up last night, one of us had to stay home with her today. Usually it's me, but my new MWF part-time schedule puts a lot of pressure on my time, and I missed a lot of work last week. Dave had no meetings today, so he stayed home with Katrina while I went to work. I think he got the better of the deal: I froze my butt and fried my mind with numbing, dull, tedious work (did I mention it's BORING?), but all in the name of getting this job DONE so I can move on.

If I had to guess, I'd say Katrina has been the healthiest baby/toddler of the three. She's gotten sick the least and recovers more quickly. Even after last night's throwing up, after which she SCREAMED (and I do mean SCREAMED) for quite a while, two hours later she was back to her old tricks finding a zillion and one excuses to get out of bed. And she was fine today, so all goes back to normal tomorrow.

Today I'm also struggling with a new committment at Gabriel's school. Next week, Gabriel is "Star of the Week" in his classroom, the first one, and I have no information at all about what we're supposed to do to prepare. The sign-up sheet (posted outside the classroom, which we're not supposed to go to because it's a "closed campus", so how were we supposed to sign up?), which luckily I took a picture of when I dared to cross the Blue Line, says:

"Each student will be highlighted as Star Of The Week. The student and their family member(s) will give a ten to fifteen minute presentation on their cultural background, talents and/or hobbies at 8:45am, on the Monday of their week. Please choose a Monday, which is convenient for you to present on. Thanks!"

Uh...hold the phone here. "...AND their family member(s)" ?? What if family members have to work, or take care of a toddler? What about this supposedly super-strict rule that no adult (or child no doubt) can enter the classroom without a negative TB test on file in the office? See any mention of that in the notice? Can the school really require a parent to get a TB test and childcare for an in-class presentation?

I'm tempted to rebel and protest just on principle, because I can't stand this sort of presumptuousness. (Not to mention the "cultural background" thing again -- we're American, we don't HAVE a cultural background!) Then again, I'd like to do it with Gabriel, and hate to disappoint him -- he loves special attention like that from me. I'm sure he'd be the only kid in the class flying solo if I refused.

I "can" take time off from my hourly-paid job, for which I pay for childcare, to present with Gabriel. But why should the school assume I can? What do stay-at-home moms with toddlers do? I couldn't possibly have Katrina in the class -- are SAHMs supposed to pay for childcare? Not all of us have parents living with them from the old country. Why should I have to make a choice between missing work and disappointing my son? And how do I have the nerve to complain to the teachers and risk starting a row?

I'm so annoyed about being put in this position! And about doing something I wouldn't mind doing!

I'm also annoyed how the signups went: on a sheet outside the classroom at a "closed campus." The only notice I had that they were there was a sentence embedded in all the other homework stuff, long after most of the signup sheet was filled (by the scofflaw moms who actually do go to the classroom door, ooh).

Call me a bureaucrat, or accuse me of spending too much time in an unambiguous, literal, completely deterministic world, but I can't stand rules that depend on laxity. "Oh, well, it's OK to cross the blue line if you're quiet" doesn't cut it. If it's a closed campus, then teachers can't put signup sheets outside the classroom door.

Funny, maybe now I know where Gabriel gets his respect for rules (well, other peoples' rules anyway).

9/21/09

9/20/09 Who's next?

Had a fun blog post & videos in mind after watching Gabriel in the 2nd-level area at the BMX park today.

But, tonight Katrina didn't eat dinner -- not even plain pasta. Then she started complaining that her "side" hurt. Then I remembered that her sleeping bag got thrown up on by another kid at sleepover....ohhh noooo....

10 minutes later, sure enough, there she goes. Poor thing was really in pain and was screaming at the top of her lungs for about 20 minutes. No sad whimpering from this one.

So, I went to work tonight, and Dave and I will split staying home with her tomorrow. I've GOT to get my job done and out of my life forever.

Of course, these things never hit just one person in the family. Who's next? My money's on Gabriel, who also didn't devour a huge bowl of plain pasta last night. Bad sign.

9/20/09

9/19/09 Chicken Dance

Today was a Fall Festival, at which every school in the district has its kindergarten do the Chicken Dance. Julian was prepared with his chicken hat and the basic moves, and we all went to see him perform with the rest of the Collins kindergartners.

There were more kids this year than when Gabriel did this. Julian got a spot next to his teacher, but that was the last I saw of him until after the "dance." Way too crowded, both with kids and parents.



Katrina had the best view in the house, vowing to do a "Winnie-the-Pooh" dance because she had a hat for that.


Afterward, we waited on one long line after another for the now-mundane inflatable play structures: slides, obstacle courses, jumphouses. In past years, I've made some effort to explore and enjoy the festival; this year I just wanted to use up our ride tickets and get home.


The kids were on a sleepover last night, so were predictably tired and grumpy today. Gabriel's old enough to handle it, Julian can go either way, and Katrina is definitely a time bomb. Still worth it, but we have to adjust our day accordingly.


I started the day with a tough workout swim. Usually, my swims are just freestyle laps without stopping, maybe a break or two if my goggles fog up. Today, I did 1200 yards of freestyle (bare minimum), then 50-yard intervals of other things: kickboard, butterfly, IMs, fast crawl. I can't believe how tired I am! So tired that my much-anticipated re-entry into the world of spinning won't happen tomorrow as I'd thought. But this is a good thing. I don't see swimming being the cornerstone of my exercise regimen, but stepping it up is a great boost. I should sleep well tonight.

9/19/09

9/17/09 The Cycle

Whew...tired tonight after a day of headaches and up late chatting over cheesecake and coffee.

Good stuff though -- and, this morning I got the all-clear from my new back doctor to go ahead and live life. Today he said to do what I would like to do, and he'll be ready when my back freaks out again. "Even spinning?" I asked cautiously, trying not to get too excited. "Sure, I see no reason why not." Ooh boy!

For years I haven't dared do anything cycling-like until I have a medical team in place ... and now I do. Ironically, the same thing that let me finally see a doctor is also what's now restoring my back health: time. Time off on Tuesdays and Thursdays to see doctors, and more importantly, time not sitting perched on a chair for consecutive days. My Tuesdays and Thursdays "off" have done even more for my back than they have for my psyche.

This is a fun way to get into the car: a choo-choo-train.


9/17/09

9/16/09 Rude kids

I am so, so tired and frustrated with our rude, belligerent, disrespectful boys. The simplest tasks, such as getting dressed in the morning and brushing teeth before school, turn into a huge ordeal, too often met with rude retorts.

"I don't have to do what you say!"
"UGGHHHH that's SO MUCH WORK!"
"If I have to do what you say, then you have to do what I SAY"
"Why don't YOU go brush YOUR teeth then?"
"Stop bossing me around, why are you so bossy?"
"You think you can make me do anything, but you CAN'T"
"NO!"

Just what is the "positive parent" supposed to do with that? Timeout? No, we have to get to school. Natural consequence? There is none -- they'd be fine with being late to school, and one brat can't make the whole group late, even for the sake of a lesson to said brat. Take away privilege? No, they completely ignore me or laugh and continue being obnoxious while I rattle off futile unheard threats above the din. Meantime, the clock ticks, my blood pressure rises, traffic builds, parking lots fill, and school still starts at 8:40am.

(yes, of course I approach it the "right" way, by giving them gentle reminders at first, heads-ups, warnings, trying to make it fun. But sometimes, you just don't have time or energy to do that, and sometimes, they don't respond anyway. Why can't I just tell them "Please get dressed now" and be done with it? Why does it have to be such a struggle?)

It's not that different at the other end of the day either. Putting away lunches, starting homework, putting shoes away. More reminders, more resistance and ignoring, and ultimately, more extremely rude responses. It's the "shut UP, Mom" that leads to the "natural consequence" of a smack. Funny how things they say push me over the edge more than things they do.

When I picked the boys up at the CDC today, they were both in trouble. Gabriel's been removed from his group for the whole week, and Julian was on timeout for punching Gabriel. Gabriel has the added black mark of laughing at the CDC teachers when he's reprimanded, and they're not allowed to give him what he deserves for that.

Tonight, Dave and I did an "intervention" with each of them, which means sitting them down alone in a room with no distraction. We ask what happened, say sternly that bad behavior is not allowed, and tonight, added in a consequence: if their behavior isn't perfect tomorrow, they can't bring a bicycle to Wheel Day on Friday. Gabriel scowls during his intervention; Julian rolls his eyes, refuses to sit down, makes faces, denies, and blames other people ("she didn't give me a second chance").

I want to be "positive" about this, but "you're STUPID Mom" in response to "please pick your knapsack up off the floor" is begging for an old-fashioned response.

9/16/09

9/15/09 Three by the door

Can't think of anything funny or interesting today....big struggle to get Gabriel to do his homework, while it was all I could do to get Julian to leave his completed work alone.

Katrina actually wanted to pose for a picture, with her new fake smile for pictures that all kids get. Her brothers quickly joined, yet I still didn't get THE photo of all three.


She got a hold of a stamp Julian got for a party favor, and channeled her body-art-loving cousin Remi.


9/15/09

9/14/09 The new homework

Our lives have shifted once again...now we have two homeworks to deal with. Julian came home with his first Homework Folder today, with a week's worth of homework due Friday.

But this is no shock to any of us. Dave and I have been through this ad nauseum already, and Julian is very used to the concept from seeing Gabriel. In fact, he seemed anxious to do it, and sat down studiously as soon as we got home.

Gabriel sat down less studiously, as homework is no novelty to him. As overloaded as I am when I get home with all three, I've now added starting homework before dinner, rushing back and forth while cooking to check on them, answer questions, facilitate and, yeah, well, nag. It's not easy to juggle dinner, putting away lunches, Katrina and homework all before Dave gets home, but it works better. Our lovely formal dining room works well as a homework spot with its big table and lots of cabinets to store supplies.

Someone else had to join the study group too.


Not only was Julian very focused, he methodically knocked off the entire week's homework! He doesn't even know that he's not expected to read the instructions himself, but he did it almost entirely without help.

And this despite constant interruption and heckling from Gabriel, Mr. BMOC. This could easily develop into a problem: I doubt they'll be able to do homework together, and our perfect homework place will have to split into two (eventually three). Most things they do together quickly deteriorate into chaos, but Julian was unshakeable tonight.

Julian also wanted to do his 15 minutes of reading, and write it into his reading log himself today too. Then he exclaimed, "I wish I had more homework to do!" I'm sure this will wear off -- Julian isn't known around here for efficiency -- but what a great start.

9/14/09

9/13/09 Running in the Mountains

So far on my two non-working Thursdays, I've taken Katrina running in the jogging stroller -- "running in the mountains." I put it that way once and she latched onto it: "Are we going running in the mountains, mommy? Are we going running in the mountains, mommy? Are we going running in the mountains mommy?" (Repeat at least 10 times without stopping to take a breath.)

So Gabriel heard this and asked if we could go running in the mountains too. I said sure, but I was going to do a real run -- is he up for it? "YES!" he exclaimed. He was so looking forward to it, talking excitedly in the car on the way to Rancho San Antonio, "Mom, are you REALLY psyched about this? I can't WAIT to get there!" I warned him I was planning a tough route for him -- 4.5 miles, and hilly. I told him we could decide to take an easier route too, but he said, "No, I want to do the hard trail."

We started out fine, but it wasn't long before he got "cramps" -- stitches, I think. He had to stop a few times, and I tried to help him through them, though unfortunately I know of no remedy for stitches except to just keep going. I was impressed at his toughness though -- no whining or complaining at all, just a regretful "ugh, I have to stop."

When we got to the decision point -- which was, either a nice easy downhill on Coyote Trail, or the tough uphill of the PG&E trail -- I asked him again: "are you sure you're up for the tough stuff?" He insisted on it, that's what he wanted to do. And, he did OK on the first part that's pretty steep, but not as well on the long part later that's uphill but not as steep. He said his stomach hurt too, and really really tried to keep going, but kept having to stop.

After about 3 miles, we got to the last part of the loop, we had to walk the whole way, except one steep downhill that he gathered all his energy for to run downhill.

The tummy-ache was solved by a trip to the restrooms at the end, and he was quickly revived with some water (I don't run with water, it's a pain to carry), and he was just fine.

I'm not sure what I should have expected. Running Club has started again at school, and he told me he tied a record for number of laps run in one day. We've run part of the route we did today together, and he breezed through it. Indeed, he had little trouble with the hardest steepest parts today. I guess it was just too long for him in his current condition. 7-year-olds run 10Ks, so I know it's not just age, but it's not easy to pick up and run this route without some training.

Still, I came away admiring again how determined and persistent he was, never whining, never complaining, and truly trying his best to push through whatever discomfort he had. We'll certainly do this again.

9/13/09

9/12/09 Swim catch-up

I haven't complained recently about swim lessons since some changes were made, so here's a catch-up. Gabriel's doing pretty well in his new class; he has to swim the full length of the pool (20') so that's a big step. I miss his previous teacher, and he does too, she was really good. But I can see his old teacher's class does different things than are done in Gabriel's class, which is slightly more advanced, so it was the right move.

Which brings me to Julian's new class. He's working on "peanut butter and jelly," which is DACA's way of saying "on their tummy" or "on their back," and having them practice rolling from one to the other. I watched Julian today doing this back-and-forth exercise, and he's getting pretty good at it. He has very different style from Gabriel; he almost looks...well, slippery when he turns over. I think that's a precursor to "agile." He's still not using his arms in this class yet, but from what I saw at Water Babies, he'll have a powerful stroke.

The inconvenience of swim lessons triples when it gets too cold to wear shorts and sandals after class, so I'll probably stop sometime around fall, but I really want as much to sink in as possible right now.

(With some guilt, I notice that I'm far more likely to take them to things that I like, which makes no sense...but hanging around a pool is more natural to me than hanging around a soccer field. Then again, there's a strong safety and fun case for swimming ability, as one of my Mom friends found out recently when her 2nd-grader fell off a dock and was able to rescue himself.)

Still tired and fighting some mild illness, I was exceptionally lazy and unproductive this afternoon, resulting in a rare event: I actually sat on our family-room couch. I never sit on couches anymore. The boys joined me, and we sat and hugged and talked and played for quite a while. I revelled in being surrounded by these two remarkable people, and relished even more how much they loved having me just sit down with them. It's really amazing how horrible our blowout fights can be, but then how warm and affectionate and loving they can be to me later. I'm always surprised by it, like I don't deserve it....but perhaps their demonstrativeness is more for their own sake than for mine -- little kids really want and need to love their mothers and feel secure with them. And I'm more than happy to be there and to return it. I hoped the moment would never end and stretched it out as long as I could.

Dave took the boys to a demolition derby this evening, something I sort-of wanted to do, but thought better of it because of Katrina, and because my back and sitting on hard flat things like bleachers just don't mix anymore. Later, Dave told me that there was a lot of line-waiting, so it was just as well I didn't go. I had a nice time home alone with Katrina, who also seemed to really enjoy the rare one-on-one time with Mom. I hemmed some jeans, and she got a huge kick out of the sewing machine. She played on her own for a long, long time, carpeting the boys' spotless floor with puzzle pieces and Legos. I had insisted the boys pick up their whole room before the derby, and she completely undid that single-handedly.

As I was sewing, one time I heard her call out, "Mommy, pee's bothering me!" I answered the ritual, "OK, go pee then!" She won't accept any help these days and sometimes has a HUGE kniption about so much as opening the bathroom door to check on her, but she still has to make the announcement. After about 10 minutes, the silence concerned me, so I went to find her. Not in any of our four bathrooms. Hmm. Then I spotted her outside, in the West yard, standing butt-nekkid next to a puddle in the dirt. "Mommy, I went pee in the grass like a sheep!" she called, proudly. Only the sheep manages not to plant their rear end in the dirt when it's wet....what a mess. I'm glad she's willing and able to use the great outdoors, but does she have to?

Lucky me...lots of nice moments with my children today.

9/12/09

9/11/09 Not great day

Eight years ago today, Dave and I were on a kayak-hike daytrip on Kauai, in the van on the way to the river. We overheard people talking about planes crashing into the World Trade Center and that they were gone. I thought they were talking about a bad movie. I listened for a while, then asked what they were talking about. It took the woman who'd been talking about it a few times to convince me that it really had just happened a few hours before. It couldn't be? How could that be? It's no less stunning eight years later.

I don't think that's why I don't feel well today, but it doesn't help. Bedtime.

9/11/09

9/10/09 Picture Day

School photos today!

Will I ever again get a good photo of all three? And with their dorky "Class Of" shirts on? I thought I had a good photo-op this morning, but I was foiled by sun, blinking, and a garbage dumpster.


Katrina likes this red line as a "balance beam."


I want to do a "simple" (suuure) school scrapbook for each kid. I generally don't like the school photos that much, but I can't turn them down, and I've got to do something with them!

9/10/09

9/8/09 A girly-girl?

I get asked from time to time if Katrina shows signs of being a girly-girl: princesses, pink, dress-up, the whole bit. Usually I say it's too early to tell, and clearly the boy-influences around here are heavy. At what point will a girl-stereotype nature emerge above all the testosterone around here?

Katrina is almost 3, and she's always had influence from other girls around her at preschool and daycare. I noticed at the aviation museum last weekend that there were other girls in the play area were sitting at a craft table, drawing. Not all the girls, and from time to time a boy would go there too, but Katrina had no interest in sitting and coloring when there were airplanes to rock on or push around.

My niece and nephew engage in a lot of imaginary play together, making up stories and lands and characters. Maybe Katrina's young for that, though I know my nephew was already involved in an elaborate fantasy world at 3. But I almost never see that sort of play between her and her brothers. That could be because they're not into it either, but I think Julian would likely engage in it if she started it. And imaginary play can easily done by oneself, and I don't see a lot of that from her. She does engage in nurturing behavior -- putting blankets over stuffed animals and such, but it's mostly "functional" play. She definitely has opinions about what to wear, and does many things that are more typical of girls.

But I don't see a lot of making up stuffed animal families and stories and names. Instead, this is how she plays with her brothers -- wrestling.


This isn't exactly peer play, as Julian takes a whole lot of abuse that he'd never accept from Gabriel. And of course, all pairs of siblings do stuff like this sometimes, some more than others -- these two are on the "more" side.

(Actually, I wish the boys could wrestle this benignly, if there's even a fraction of this contact it turns bloody.)

After nap today, Katrina joined Julian in his room to -- what else -- play Legos. He was building a house, she was building an "engine."

Later, out of a wide variety of books to read, including one she'd chosen herself out of the library, she instead sat and read "Military Dune Buggies," a book that the boys had picked from the library.

When I picked her up from the Y today, she was pushing a car around. Sometimes, she'd play with their plastic kitchen, other times, musical instruments. If there was a little wagon to sit on and push around, she would plant herself on it and not get up.

Clearly, she's surrounded by boy influences, and not just from her brothers. There's nothing I'd like more than to skip the girly dress-up princess stuff, and absorb ourselves in cars, trains, airplanes and motorcycles. The closest she'll get to learning about manicures from me is that chlorine bleach is the best way to get the smell of gasoline off your hands. And her father is a typical guy this way too -- some men are into more gender-neutral things like drama or art, but not here. So there's little girl-influence at home.

Nature or nurture? I think it'd take a strong nature to overcome all the boy-interest influences around here (and you know what I mean, of course some girls are into trains, and some boys are into pink, like Julian, but on average, trains and motorcycles are more boy things). But Katrina isn't lacking a strong nature, and if she wants to delve into the princess thing -- especially to rebel -- she will. Girls will be girls no matter what their parents or brothers are like -- and good for them. But so far, despite the tendency to see what you want to see, I truly don't see a lot of that.

9/8/09

[ p.s. addendum: This morning at preschool we walked into a perfect test case: 4
girls were sitting at a table coloring, and one boy was playing with blocks at
the opposite end of the room. (The stereotype on display!) Katrina took stock of the situation, and joined the boy playing with blocks. She does "girl things" of course, and the pink-princess stuff could hit any day, but so far, the "girly-girl" thing doesn't fit. ]

9/7/09 Labor on Labor Day

Whatever ambitions I had to do something fun with the kids today was quelled by overall laziness, and increasing guilt about many pressing office things that need to be done. After I got the laziness out of the way, I finally sat down to renew driver's license, pay my fine for my stop-sign ticket, make school donations, update the calendar for all the upcoming school events, untangle my compay's payroll this quarter, make estimated tax payments, return several packages of clothes I'd ordered...pain. I need a day off!

Besides, I'd taken them to an interesting outing yesterday anyway, to an aviation museum. I was hesitant about bringing Katrina, but she really likes airplanes (despite what she says about being afraid of jets), so I thought I'd risk it.

Overall it worked, as I'd coached myself ahead of time not to be too frustrated at being caught between two different ways of seeing a museum. One is the toddler-way: run around from thing to thing, touch stuff, push buttons, sit for a few minutes, but always keep moving. The other way is the little-boy way: spend hours inside a flight simulator and pounce on anything that smells in the slightest like a video game. Breadth versus depth.

First the history of aviation displays, which I found fascinating.



Katrina the Blue Angels pilot (in a genuine Blue Angels cockpit):



While the boys crashed time and time again in a flight simulator.


An "aerial" view.


Outside there's a part of an old 747, the double-decker kind. I had to test my skills in the pilot's seat.


Fortunately I had a very enthusiastic copilot.


This place kindly provides picnic tables, so they (basically) had lunch that I'd brought. Then we found a small kids' play area, where there were some very nice wooden play-aircraft, and yet another cockpit to play in, this one enclosed.



Just as we were about to leave, I took Katrina to the bathroom, and sent the boys into the boys' bathroom. Katrina fussed a lot in the bathroom (it was well past naptime), delaying us. I hoped the boys were being good outside the bathrooms....would that be possible? Please God, just this once? Can I cash in some good-mom karma for taking them to a cool museum?

No, Gabriel had the stroller in a big wheelie and was running it around in circles, hollering. Pretty much like he'd done at the first bathroom break.

But Julian had cornered a man behind an information desk. I heard him ask, "Did any of these planes ever really land?" pointing to the display planes hung from the ceiling. The man was visibly glad to see me, and said with an audible sigh of relief, "oh, there's your mother." He went on to answer Julian's question and a few more.

The man, impressed by the inquisitive 5-year-old, suggested to me that we get books about planes out of the library. "WAY ahead of you there, thanks!" I said. Not only do we have a pile of library books about planes and other military vehicles, but Gabriel's choice from his school library is "An Encyclopedia of Airplane Engines," or something like that. No wonder he declared with such authority that a turbo-prop jet engine doesn't have an afterburner. (I don't think that makes any sense, but what do I know?)

I am so intrigued by Julian's confidence and willingness to march up to someone in a position of authority and so clearly and seriously ask a question. No shyness, no giggling or looking at the ground, no whispering, and usually no prompting from grownups. The man must have been baffled that these two boys were related -- one acting like a total buffoon, and the other so studious.

Funny how I didn't like museums as a kid -- New York City is a great place to develop a dislike for museums, right? And now I really like taking the kids to them. I think I just found the right kind of museum.

9/7/09

9/5/09 The Orange Tree

Today I was hamstrung by too much to do, a terrible night sleeping, and just not feeling like doing anything. I've learned that when I feel overwhelmed by too much to do and not knowing where to start, to just pick something -- not necessarily the most pressing -- something to get started. Whatever pops to mind, to break the gridlock.

Today's gridlock-breaker was hardly the most important, nor the most urgent, thing on my to-do list, but thanks to the gridlock condition, it bubbled to the top. And that is: take care of my much-neglected lemon and orange trees. They've always been neglected, but at least they got water from the lawn irrigation system. Now they get nothing.

So today, I did a severe pruning on the lemon tree, raked and cleaned up around it, then sprinkled citrus food around the base, and watered it. Julian joined me for this project, which I was delighted by. He did the sprinkling and the watering.

Already tired, I knew our orange tree needed some attention, and told myself I'd just cut out some of the most obvious dead branches, and that was it. But I'd underestimated how addictive tree-pruning is. About two hours later, more of the tree was on the ground than was still on the tree.


Then it got the same treatment from Julian -- citrus-food sprinkling and then a nice deep-soak watering.


Julian wanted to play in the HUGE pile of branches and leaves (the disposal of which remains a big problem), but quickly found them too prickly.


Julian and I worked hard today! I spent the better part of the afternoon clipping branches while perched in the tree, eventually getting bold enough to climb up as high as the trunk branches would allow. Meanwhile, Julian picked up old "dead" oranges, set aside good ones, and piled the branches I clipped off into a big pile. By the end, my feet were sore from supporting me on tree branches, my arms scratched up, my face covered in dirt. But it was a very satisfying way to spend the afternoon (even if a professional tree pruner could have done a better job in half the time).

My mother says you can almost see a tree breathe with relief when you get rid of the undergrowth and dead branches. This one is practically singing for joy, despite the amateur work quality.


New swim lessons this morning. I didn't pay attention to Julian's class at all, believe it or not! I was intrigued to see that Gabriel's new class made him swim a full 20-yard length, which he can't do without stopping. But his classmates can, so that's a really good thing and I think he'll improve quickly.


The boys are wasted after an exciting birthday party that involved active playground play, then a movie in the community room at a park. What a great idea! I felt bad taking Katrina home early, but after 8pm she's a timebomb, even watching a cute movie. Thanks to our friends who drove the boys home!

9/5/09

9/4/09 Helping each other

For the most part, any "help" the kids give me is mostly "work" for me. I always feel like they get away with way too much, don't have enough responsibility, and they resist and complain if I do ask them to do things. I don't know yet how to fix that; it's so, so, SO much work to get them to do the smallest things, and I often just don't have the energy. Still, they think everything in life just comes to them. While there's no denying they come from privilege, I don't want them to grow up thinking they're going to be waited on all their lives.

But every so often my sparse efforts yield some good influence. Today Katrina wanted to set the table.


Then she ran outside to play on her "new" bicycle. Minutes later, I heard ear-piercing shrieks -- that is, more than usual -- and went out to reprimand Julian -- because he's usually behind them. Turns out, he was causing her shrieking, because he insisted she put her bicycle helmet on!

Then he spent a long, long, long time dutifully helping her ride her bicycle on the narrow strip that is left of our former yard. She can't turn her bicycle around, or even get it started pedaling on the uneven surface, and would screech for him to help her. And he did, again and again and again. He'd get on her bicycle to re-position it, or push her to get her going, only for her to get stuck a few seconds later and demand more help.


I was really heartwarmed to see how sweet and patient he was. She was really not grateful at all. In fact, she completely expected it. We're going to have to work on that. There's too much entitlement mentality going on around here.

9/4/09

9/3/09 Back To School Night

This morning, when I dropped Julian off, I chatted with a Dad who was wearing running clothes (a clear invitation to be nosy). Turns out, he's training for a marathon, and his wife is the one starting a Yahoo!Group for Julian's class. I met her at pickup and really liked her as well.

To my surprise, in our brief conversation, the dad mentioned that he lamented the lack of diversity in the kindergarten. He wants his (Indian, of course) daughter to integrate, be around....I forget his exact words, but the jist was the predominating culture. He said something also about how competitive the middle schools are, but that's as far as it got, since class was just starting. I was fascinated...I thought for the most part, Indian parents were focused on the schooling and academics and if they thought at all about the cultural mixture at the school, that they'd be relieved that it's mostly theirs. But I guess there's more to this than I thought.

Gabriel asked me today if home-schooling was "strict." I explained that it depended on the teacher, which is mostly Mom or Dad. He asked if I would home-school him, and I said off the top of my head, having never thought of it before, that I really liked his being in a regular school -- being around other kids, getting to know other grownups, working in groups, learning to work within schedules on his own, seeing other kids' work -- and then the peripheral things he gets from school, like Running Club. I have to give this more thought, but I found myself saying that I thought home-schooling would be too focused on, of all things, "learning."

Tonight we did the big back-to-school juggle. Back-to-School night involves a 45-minute presentation by a classroom's teacher, with parents squeezed into kid-chairs. No kids allowed, so our bunch went to the CDC, which had a special back-to-school night also.

I really wanted to seethe presentations by both Gabriel and Julian's teachers, but the K and 2 classroom times were at the same time. So I went to the K presentation, which started exactly on time and finished early. I came away really liking Julian's teacher, she seemed very efficient and on the ball and talked often about spending time with small groups of kids as needed according to ability. Since she finished early, I had time to catch the tail end of Gabriel's class presentation, which ran over slightly, and I left to get to the CDC by 8 to pick up our little monsters.

I was intrigued by Gabriel's teacher's description of the book report project his class has due in a month. There's a paper display they have to do, with drawings, descriptions, excerpts, and an original 5-sentence paragraph the kids have to do at home, then they present the report in class. Gabriel's teacher (one of them) said they (two of them) don't grade on the report itself, adding carefully that the degree of help kids get from parents varies a lot, so instead they grade the presentation itself. They look at how the kids make eye contact with the audience, do they project their voices, do they speak clearly, are they animated and engaging, do they offer interesting things about the book they've read. That's what gets a "6" on a scale of 1 to 6, she said, "because I know parents are very concerned about how to get a 6." Oh.

I was glad to hear that they don't grade based just on work that's done at home, but sorry to hear that judge the work primarily based on presentation skills. Not all kids are good at stuff like that, and seems to me it's harder to improve performance skills than the more traditional academic ones. Or, maybe for the first time I have to develop a skill in my kid that's not in his top 10 of natural abilities or inclinations. Plain old-fashioned regular sit-down paper-and-pencil math tests are more my .... er, I mean, Gabriel's element.

I was also more than a little put off by the discussion of grades at all, but, I guess that's inevitable in school life. Or maybe it was the teacher's repeated mentions of how concerned parents were about how to earn the higher grades.

OK, you made it through all that blather, you've earned yourself some photos. This morning I found a great photo-op for one with all three, but Katrina has adopted Gabriel's old habit of putting her fingers in her mouth at picture time. This was the best I got when I was trying.


I did a lot better when I wasn't trying.


I took this photo seconds before Julian fell off and landed so hard I thought for a second he'd broken his arm, but it was just a nasty scrape on his elbow.


Good thing parents don't get grades.

9/3/09

9/2/09 The Dictionary

Today, Gabriel's homework assignment included looking up two words in a "children's dictionary," out of a set of words provided.

Dave had pointed Gabriel to an online child's dictionary in preparation yesterday, since we don't have a "child's dictionary." (I wish the teachers wouldn't spring this stuff on us when we need to turn in homework every day. "Binder paper" was another basic supply we needed one night with no warning. This is the Google age -- who has binder paper around?)

But I didn't know about the online child's dictionary when I got Gabriel started on his homework tonight before Dave got home. Gabriel wanted to go to the computer, but I said No, and plunked a regular Webster's in front of him. Was I being too anal, too retro, too purist?

My doubts were immediately answered when I saw him open the dictionary. It hadn't occurred to him that the words were listed alphabetically.

Further, though he knows the alphabet well and reads fine, he didn't know how to find words in the dictionary. The basic algorithm of locating the section with the first letter, then finding the area with the second letter, and narrowing it down letter by letter until you find your word, isn't one you need to exercise when using an online dictionary. (Writing an online dictionary program involves an understanding of search algorithms, but how do programmers get there from 2nd grade?)

Gabriel caught on quickly, but there was more to learn: abbreviations, the difference between the origin of a word and its definition, multiple definitions. He only had to look up and write the definition of two words, and the first took some time. By the second he had a decent idea of what a real dictionary was about.

I was really struck by how much would have been lost by asking a computer to do most of the work. The basic format of a definition, recognizing and ruling out symbols and abbreviations, learning how to find a word in an alphabetical list, even judging how many words you pass with the thickness of a group of pages....All the online dictionary would have handed him, easily, were words defining "blossom." So much else would have been lost.

I can't make a case that online resources are life-threatening or that kids growing up on Google can't learn to use a dictionary, but my inner Luddite wonders if this effect pervades all aspects of learning. Maybe my generation has the best of it: we grew up with encyclopedias, but now have the information power of Google too. Still, I am really not a fan of computer use in the schools, above its being a necessary tool -- certainly not a topic in and of itself unless you're learning computer science, much of which is paper and math learning anyway.

But the #1 reason not to use an online dictionary is that without very very close supervision, homework time on the computer will surely turn into a Speed Racer game.

9/2/09

9/1/09 New Tuesdays

Today was my first Tuesday as a full-time Mom again!

I can't believe my ambivalence. Part of me feels like I'm leaving the Real World behind; another part feels like I'm re-joining it. I'm just not sure which world is the Real one yet.

Once again, I tested the boys going to their classrooms on their own. I think this will work in the future, but without Gabriel going to Julian's class. Julian is actually more conscientious than Gabriel is about minding the warning bell, and it dawned on me today that perhaps the "Kindergarten Playground" isn't supposed to have 2nd graders overrunning the 5-year-olds.



Or a bossy 2-year-old ordering kindergartners off the slide.



The part of me that looked forward to kindergarten drop-off and perhaps cornering a business-suit mom or two was sorely disappointed. Most of the dropoff-ers were Dads, to my surprise, and most were speaking other languages to their kids. It's not even clear to me that they can communicate with each other. I felt like a foreigner.

After dropoff, I took Katrina to the Y to get in a workout, then took her to what I hoped would be a well-attended playgroup. And it was, I had a nice time chatting with other Las Madres moms I know, all of whom have 2006-born babies but also have 2004 "babies" who just started kindergarten. One mom explained that she did "Mom's club" today, which means a group of moms from her neighborhood walk their kindergarteners to their neighborhood school, and when they're all accustomed to it, the moms will take turns walking groups of kids to school.

That school in particular, she said, has a much better balance of backgrounds (meaning, not all Indian, and this from an Indian mom). And so many moms want to volunteer in the kindergarten class that they actually have way too many. The discussion had me ready to sell our house and move. This other school is in the same district, but it might as well be in another world.

I couldn't take any chances with Katrina not taking a nap today. In fact, at lunch she started to get picky, and I felt annoyed. She doesn't give this duff to her preschool teachers, and she eats what she gets in her lunchbag! So after she deliberately dropped a piece of banana on the floor, I scooted her upstairs for her nap. But not before taping double pieces of black felt over her windows, to ward off every scrap of light that could go in her room.

Once again, more backtalk about wanting pajamas for nap (her favorite procrastinating move), and I thought, "too bad, positive parenters, this time, this toddler doesn't get what she wants." I don't know if it was my preschool-teacher attitude or the black felt on her windows, but she didn't tear apart her room, change her clothes, come out of her room with one excuse after another, or run laps around her room. She actually took a nap. Oh joy!

Tomorrow, back to work. It's going to take some adjustment to be a working-mom one day, then a full-time mom the next. Two such drastically different existences. It's like having each foot on either end of a seesaw, and lurching sickenly from one side to another, with a hard bang at each end. Somehow, I need to pull my feet closer to the fulcrum, and find my balance in the middle.

9/1/09

8/31/09 K-fun

Out of the blue at dinner, Julian blurted out something about a music class. "It was SOOOO fun!" he exclaimed. He got down on the floor and showed us some of the clapping patterns they did, and said random things about it that I don't remember now. The PTA sponsors music classes once every two weeks I think, and he must have had his first one today. Gabriel never said a word about music classes, but Julian couldn't stop talking about it. He loved it.

I asked Julian if other kids in his class get hot lunch, before remembering that he's an AMer, which means he and his AMer classmates leave class before lunch and don't deal with hot lunch at all. To my surprise, he still rattled off a list of names of kids who get hot lunch -- all PMers with whom he overlaps an hour and a half, and before lunch.

He can also tell me who his friends are (though he still struggles with some of the names), and various things about the class, like who's at what table. Such a difference from Gabriel, who gave a fraction of this information, and only with a lot of careful probing.

Thanks to Julian, I'm learning a lot about kindergarten!

8/31/09

8/30/09 Bike rotation

I went for a swim this morning, and returned to quite the charming scene: all three kids with their bike helmets on, riding around, and Dad doing varied bike maintenance. It's been the plan for a while that Gabriel should get the 18" bike Dave salvaged, Julian would get Gabriel's 16" bike, and Katrina would get one of the two 12" bikes we have, with training wheels. Part of that plan was implemented today.

Katrina "helped" Dave during this operation, by spinning the pedal of one upside-down bike.


She looked on during an adjustment of training wheels, after throwing a major fit about their presence at all.


And then she was willing to get on it! She half-pedaled, half-pushed it around. It's pretty tall for her. She doesn't mind the hand-me-down bike -- the T-shirt and Crocs are also hand-me downs. (For the record, I set out a darling white fitted T-shirt for her this morning, but she's getting increasingly opinionated about her clothes. Good thing I don't care that much: she went out later in pink flowered shorts with red-and-blue striped socks.)


Note the other wheeled vehicle in the background -- that's Gabriel playing on Katrina's tricycle. Now, really.


Gabriel's 18" bike is ready! Dave ended up replacing the handlebars with lower ones after I took this picture, and took the boys to the BMX park later in the afternoon. Julian was still on his yellow 12" bike, which is looking downright silly on him now.


Rats, I didn't get a picture of all three on cycles together, it was pretty cute.

Katrina has always liked bicycles, and she's pretty happy about this one. I sure wish it hadn't turned into a massive tantrum later when I wouldn't let her ride in the driveway, because I needed to work in the kitchen and couldn't keep an eye on her. I swept the backyard walkways for her, but, not good enough.

She didn't take a nap today and spent the better part of the afternoon wearing me down and testing my patience with one picky fit after another, punctuated by several long full-on top-of-the-lungs screeching tantrums. By 4:30 I was counting the minutes until her bedtime.

I took her to Jo-Ann Fabrics to buy some black felt, to black out her windows. Starting this week, I'm full-time Mom on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and it will be a very unpleasant experience if every afternoon goes the way today's did. A room with minimal light is my first defense against a nap-less toddler. A full-time job is my second.

8/30/09