7/17/2010 Swim Day

Sorry to get redundant here on the swimming, but...

Today Julian had his first lesson at the "red ribbon" level, when this somewhat lame swim school finally starts teaching them actual swimming (ooh, arms!). His class is in the deeper pool, and he'll learn to dive, tread water and, maybe even possibly, actually swim.

And today he did all that! He was a little nervous beforehand, but the moment the class started, he couldn't quit smiling and giggling. I love watching him; he pays attention and seems to really try to do what the teacher says, he responds so well to instruction (unlike thick-headed older brother) and has a great time.

They start by diving for sink rings. This might seem silly, but I knew an adult once who truly had no idea how to get his body down to the bottom of the pool. I can't say exactly why this is important -- after all the whole point of swimming is so that you don't go to the bottom of the pool -- but it adds to general water body awareness. And kids love it, it's fun.


Julian had his first dives from the side of the pool today too. He did great, I was so happy for him and proud of him.



Meantime, Katrina's class was swarmed by three other first-timers, one of whom cried through most of the class, and another who looked like she was about to. It reminded me of how far even she's come: refusing to go into the water at all last year, and then not knowing enough to put her feet down this year. Her general water literacy is much, much better now.


In playtime at the end, the girl in front of Katrina finally stopped wailing, poor thing. Katrina never cried, that's not her style -- stubbornly refusing to do something is more like her.


But Katrina proudly and happily announced that she put her face in the water today -- major progress for her!

It reminded me of the time that Julian was in a class with a first-timer who cried the whole time, occupying much of the teacher's attention. That was my one experience with momma-bearing, since I was already annoyed at how little the teacher pushed him and I knew he could do a lot more. But then to be in a class with a brand-new beginner who cried was too much. I complained, and he got changed to a different class and progressed as well as this school would allow. (I still think they could easily teach more at every level.)

Meantime, I was all set for a nice swim this morning, only to be foiled by a swim meet at the pool. Rats. After getting my heart, mind and body set on swimming, nothing feels right afterward. I consoled myself with a workout at the Y, but it just wasn't the same. How dare hundreds of people enjoy a fun healthy active morning holding a swim meet at my expense! But, seeing two of my children really enjoy the water and learn a little this afternoon almost made up for it.

7/17/2010

7/16/2010 Night and Day

This morning, the boys were completely awful. Putzy, rude, wouldn't get dressed, and then were belligerent when they got downstairs too late to have breakfast. At one point they physically threatened us together, Gabriel with his fist raised, Julian shouting "HOW ABOUT I KICK YOU THEN!"

My back is much much better -- I had my last physical therapy appointment today -- but by evening I've mostly needed to be lying down. Tonight, I finally felt like I could stand up long enough to bake something. I've really missed baking.

So I decided to make something light and simple, lemon tea cookies. The boys wanted to help, so Gabriel grated the lemon, and Julian mixed the butter and cracked the egg. We stopped for dinner, and then Julian continued to help me since Gabriel asked, "Can I give Katrina a bath?" Dave thought he needed to be there, but I told him Gabriel had it under control, and since it was still light outside, Dave went out to do some watering and general checking of our landscaping.

Julian then helped me drop the cookie batter onto the sheets. While the cookies were baking, he asked if he could help clean up. Uhh, sure! I gave him a few token tasks to do, which he finished and asked for more -- next thing I knew, he'd rinsed and loaded everything into the dishwasher, and washed the few things that don't go in! Minus some heavy pans and glass bowls, he did everything!

Then Gabriel came downstairs...oh yeah, where was Katrina? "She's in bed," he said happily. He'd given her a bath, brushed her hair and teeth, put a pull-up on her, got her to put her PJs on, read her a story and probably even kissed her good-night. Dave came inside to find that this entire job was completely done.

Then the boys and I sat down to enjoy our lemon tea cookies, which Gabriel raved over. He often doesn't like things I bake, so this was high praise indeed. I knew the cookies were extra-special to them since they'd done so much of the work to make them.

But the helpfulness didn't stop there. The boys both wore their last pair of clean shorts today, so I asked them to go upstairs and put all their pants in the washer and start the washer. They almost argued over who would get to do this, but after they went upstairs I could hear the washer starting -- somehow they worked it out and got their laundry started.

Are these my boys?! I couldn't believe it. Helpful, cooperative, cheerful, and willing -- not just for novel things that are fun, but even for drudgerous things that they usually complain about (laundry). What a great difference from this morning. I don't expect the magic will last long, but I'm feeling pretty enchanted tonight!

7/16/2010

7/15/2010 In the yard

Look what I found today in our yard!

A blooming hibiscus. This mini-park around our house still feels pretty formal and foreign, but with each blooming flower, it's slowly becoming our own.

7/15/2010

7/14/2010 Backyard bike ride

One thing I'd always wanted in our backyard was a perimeter path, for kids to ride tricycles around. That idea long predated any children big enough to ride a tricycle, but somehow the yard never got the path, then the yard ceased being a yard, and then the kids outgrew tricycles.

But now, thanks to our new landscaping, there is for the first time such a perimeter path, and it turns out it's not too late to be enjoyed. Katrina calls it a "racetrack" and has a great time pedaling around, attracting her brothers' attention -- and bikes -- too.


It helps to have a brother to help you get unstuck.


It doesn't help to have a brother rear-end you, as Julian did later.


We may have rushed things, we may have ended up with a patio that's smack-dab in the sun and shaded lawn, we may have paid too much and had too much hassle -- but I'm still glad we got the landscaping done and that finally -- finally -- my earliest vision for how the yard should be used has come to be.


Katrina's getting good at pedaling now too! Any chance she and her resist-all attitude would dare attempt to lose the training wheels? Julian was her age when he learned!

7/14/2010

7/13/2010 Shoe time

Once again, we arrived at a trip destination only to discover that Julian's shoes were ready to be thrown out. This first happened last March, when we arrived in Truckee for the ski trip and found several holes in his shoes. When we got back from the ski trip, he got new shoes, which were replaced once again with the shoes we brought to New York. Thanks to the heat wave and a week in the country, he didn't wear them much. Good thing, because the sole was about ready to come off.

I ordered new shoes from Zappos.com on Sunday, thinking that would improve his footwear faster than waiting until the weekend and then having to go to a dreaded mall. And the shoes arrived today -- with free shipping and no tax!

Good thing, because today Julian's shoes looked like this. The sole is more off than on.

It's funny, people I talk to about shoes -- including other parents -- find that kids outgrow shoes before wearing them out. But for both boys, outgrowing shoes is a much slower and easier problem to keep up with than their total destruction. From what I can tell in photos, Julian was wearing his previous pair of shoes as of June 16. So even with a week of downtime in Pennsylvania, this pair lasted less than a month.

Both boys are on their 4th pair of shoes this year. The way they blow through shoes, the speed, price and ease of buying their shoes online is a very clear win. I'm adding zappos.com to my "quick links."

7/13/2010

7/12/2010 Movin' on up

Back to reality today! I went to work in the morning, though left for a physical therapist appointment. Though I still need the cane for stability if I'm walking any distance, I can mostly make it through day-to-day operations.

On Mondays, that includes swim classes for all 3 kids at 6:30. I left so much time that the kids were ready 10 minutes before class.

During the swim class, I lamented the instruction quality again. Katrina's "novice" class is perfect for her, but only because she's so darned lame. Gabriel's class is pretty good now that he's at a level that actually swims. His lessons showed when I insisted he swim to the dock in the pond in Pennsylvania -- no option to put feet down.

Julian's class, on the other hand -- smack dab in nowhereland, where kids do popups, switch from back to front, and a lot of back-floating, but don't actually swim. How do you get beyond that?

Somehow today, Julian did. He was awarded his "red ribbon," and he was very very proud and happy about it. He actually works pretty hard in his class; he pays attention and tries hard, which contributes to my frustration at how slow the class is.

But this ribbon represents a pretty large leap. At the red level, they actually swim. His lesson will be in the deeper pool, and he'll learn to use his arms, dive and tread water.

And I was just about to cancel their lessons for the summer too. Hmm.


And, TLC rotated classes -- Katrina will be in Miss Amanda's pre-K class this year, yay!! Miss Amanda was Julian's pre-K teacher too. She loves to teach, she's no-nonsense and really lets the kids meet their potential. Julian thrived under her. The downside is that Miss Amanda is expecting baby #2 in a few months (she's expressed concern about having 2 boys just under 2 years apart in age...I wasn't able to offer any comforting words).

Mostly, I want to move up -- straight up. Doctor tomorrow, PT Friday. Big question is: when can I run again?

7/12/2010

7/11/2010 Wacko backo

Slowly the joy from our visit is seeping in again, as my back alternates between getting better and reminding me sharply that it's still recovering from a fairly bad episode. After sitting for any length of time, it's stiff and sore and I need to lean on the cane to get around. Once I've been walking and moving, it's OK for a while, but then standing is too much. So I sit down and the cycle starts again. It's interruptable if I lie down, but I can't always do that, nor do I want to.

Dave took all 3 kids to a model airplane show today (no pics unfortunately), so I had some peaceful time to rest. I'll need it, because the rat race starts all over again tomorrow.

7/11/2010

7/9/2010 Family ... and back

Nice evening catching up with my aunt, whom I've not seen in 10 years, since my sister's wedding.

Nasty evening with tantrumy Katrina, who for the 3rd time since we've been at my Mom & Paul's in Pennsylvania, forced me to miss dinner & wine with grownups to attend to a tantrum (putting her to bed as a result), AGAIN.

The 2nd time Katrina pulled me away from dinner to bathe her and put her to bed (screaming her head off the whole way) was Wednesday (7/7/10) night. In doing so while I was giving her a shower, I was bending down, or standing up (can't remember), and felt a dreaded, but familiar ~zzzzap~~ in my lower back. Terrified, somehow I completed the bedtime & pajama process -- though the little stinker took off her PJs and got dressed again in new clothes -- and got down to dinner with grownups. There I burst into tears and said, "I think I just pulled my back out again."

And indeed, the last two days have been completely hunched over, unable to stand straight, barely able to hobble. The pain is only moderate, this isn't a oft-cited "back pain" problem. I CAN NOT stand up straight. I live in fear of what position will trigger that awful broken feeling in my lower back. Or cross my legs, or put my legs straight in front of me, or lie with my legs elevated, or hundreds of other positions I can't predict will affect me.


Fortunately, Papa Paul has a cane left over from knee surgery, and I'm never more than a few feet from it. Stairs and still attempting to bathe children knock me out and have me hobbling even worse than before. The secondary problems from the position I'm forced to be in are now worse than the main problem: my upper back is under tremendous strain in its attempt to compensate for the stuck sacro-iliac joint in the lower back.

This is a moderate-to-bad back episode as they go, but it couldn't be worse-timed. I'm furious that my last full day of cousins together, and my long-lost aunt arriving, had to be spent partly looking for physical therapy (not found) and medical care (found). As usual, doctors don't know what I need and prescribe useless drugs instead. Incredibly, ER docs can only prescribe drugs, not physical therapy.

It's really borderline if I'll be able to stand straight tomorrow -- if I can, a big corner has been turned, but it's still a few days before I'm cane-free. If I still can't stand straight, then most operations of lifting and carrying are almost impossible.

And tomorrow is when I have to drive for 3+ hours alone with the 3 kids (none of whom can do seatbelts themselves due to carseats/boosters), return the rental car, negotiate luggage through Newark's AirTrain, check in, negotiate security, kids' dinner in the terminal (recall I can barely carry anything; one hand has a death grip on the cane and the other on my knee), and then will be rewarded with 7 hours in a cramped airplane seat, tending constantly to the needs of 3 children.

This is my agnostic test. If there IS a God, then He will grant me individual TV screens in front of every seat. We didn't get that on our way here, but I swear I'll convert if I get that.

Then again, I could consider that He exists already, because I was granted an aggressive mother who called Continental's "Disabled Travellers" desk, and was able to secure gate passes for my brother and my husband to help me at each end. And that same mother granted me the most amazing and kind and helpful younger brother to meet me at the airport and do all the heavy lifting right up to the point that I stagger onto the plane with the 3 kids. When we get off the plane, Dave will be right there to pick up that duty. Thank goodness.

And, the boys have been through this before, and have been very sweet and helpful. Julian keeps bringing me my cane, and they've been affectionate and cooperative and almost even listening most of the time. I hope that sticks through tomorrow's logistical hurdles.

Hopefully this will carry me through hours of being on the plane, because at least today, I am still very fragile and need to lie down a lot. But there's no lying down tomorrow at all, between driving, airport logistics and flying.

Yes folks, this is a massive nightmare.

Katrina was a disastrous pain in the butt tonight, fussing and crying throughout dinner. I forget what started it -- she didn't WANT milk, and she wouldn't stop crying or complaining during dinner. I gave her several chances, I tried to change the subject and distract her out of it, but nothing doing.

I was so mad that I had to leave a hot dinner with my aunt to go carry out a consequence to a toddler who will never, ever get the point. No dinner, a quick shower, then straight to bed. (My sister, who'd been taking on all the Katrina duty after my injury -- and as a result Katrina is smitten with her and said "I miss Aunt Stephanie" within minutes of her departure this morning -- had already left.)

Katrina's "graceful exit" from screaming her head off ("I don't WANNA go to bed! I'm HUNGRY!") was smashing her heel against the army cot she's on, making a small cut in her heel. That let me minister to her in a way she'd accept, so a Nemo band-aid finally ended the conflict.

I was intrigued that my old-school aunt and mother recall the same sorts of tough discipline from their mother, only they remember their father playing good cop and bringing them bread and milk in bed after they'd been sent there with no dinner. I must be older-school, or more injured, because I was not about to back down and give my daughter dinner after all that. I told her dinner was over, it was cleaned up (mostly true), that she chose to fuss instead of eat, and that's that. This was not a tantrum that could be ignored, since it was ruining dinner for all the grownups. Kids too -- Gabriel was the first to lose his patience and tell her to be quiet already. I'm sorry, Positive Parenting, a toddler can't ignored when they're being so obnoxious that it shuts down the entire dinner table.

In the end, after it was all over, when she asked about dinner and I told her it was over she said, "OK Mommy I'll just have a big breakfast." But really, I lose, because that means she eats pancakes instead of broccoli, the only dinner food option she'd eat anyway (that was not the source of the conflict though, we never got that far).

And I know from experience that carrying through with an apparently severe consequence (no dinner, no playtime) will have no effect whatsoever the next time. There are no "and she never did it again" lessons in the Doudna world.

Both my mother and my aunt concede that her tantrums are really an over-the-top handful. Some outside looks might suggest that I pick too many fights by insisting on silly things, but after some thought, I don't agree with that -- some things, kids just have to do sometimes, and my picking my fights differently won't change that. One could argue perhaps that I pick the wrong fights sometimes -- and sure, don't we all -- but when I do pick one, she needs to follow my instructions.

The fight I picked the night my back froze was about her making her way to the pond by herself, strictly forbidden (drowning hazard). No one would argue with that.

I'm really not worried about her long-term -- we survived Gabriel's toddlerhood after all -- but it sure is a pain to live through now.

So I had a nice (if cold) dinner chatting with the boys and my Tante Jacqueline (my aunt) -- and WONDERFUL blueberry pie, my favorite, that my mother made (yay Mom, THANK YOU!!) -- and overall felt OK about my job raising family. It lends extra fascination talking about ancestors when I look at my boys and think that they're carrying on this legacy. I hear about the feats and ways of life of great-grandfathers and of great-uncles (two of whom were WWI fighter pilots), and look at my sons (Katrina was in bed and I didn't want to think about her anyway) and think that this is their history too. They're so young -- their story has just started. Yet there's so much behind their story that someday they might find fascinating. I already do. If I survive their sister's childhood that is.

7/9/2010

7/5/2010 Hot hot hot!!

Here we are in PA!

Yesterday's July 4th was as Americana as it gets, minus the corn-on-the-cob. We rode the first train tracks ever used in the U.S.A. commercially, from Honesdale to Hawley PA, on Stourbridge Line. In Hawley we saw a genuine small-town 4th-of-July parade, got ice cream, and then enjoyed a staged train robbery on the ride back to Honesdale. At home, we ran with sparklers and Uncle Ronan set off a bunch of legal (in PA) non-explosive fireworks.

Today it is a major heat wave, and though no one felt like doing much, it didn't stop the boys (5 of them, including Uncle Andreas and Uncle Ronan) from spending hours playing field hockey on the blacktop driveway. Blacktop, in this heat!!

Katrina spent most -- nay, all of the day playing in two kiddie pools that Papa Paul set up. It's incredible to believe, but she was in the cold water so long, her lips were blue and she wanted a sweatshirt for a while. As soon as she was back up to 98.6, she was right back out there. She spent at least 6 hours playing in the kiddie pools today, no kidding.

In the afternoon, we all took a big dip in the pond, which has no beach -- that is, you're either sitting on a dock, or you're in the water swimming or being held up by an innertube or noodle (which means no Katrina, she wouldn't get in the water with a noodle). I gave all 3 boys something of a swim test, mostly to see how they'd react if they lost hold of their noodle in the murky water, and quickly realized that for all 3 of them (my boys + my 8-1/2yo nephew Aidan), it's mostly practice and confidence they lack. All three boys have the skill to recover their flotation aids if necessary, but they all also needed to know they can get to the dock or noodle if they need to. To my surprise, the most relaxed and confident of the three was Aidan - not cocky Gabriel, mostly because Aidan really listens and accepts advice and instruction. Julian was too low on the confidence scale, and though he's physically capable of rescuing himself if he falls off a flotation device, it's not clear he'll know that.

Uncles Ronan and Andreas left tonight to go back to New York face the real world tomorrow, but Aunt Stephanie and I and our collective five young children will continue our stay at Bonne Maman and Papa Paul's rural Pennsylvania house this week, through a nasty heat wave. Meantime, we'll fill the time with lots of hanging around, preparing food, playing, helping, arbitering the occasional disagreement, and almost actually having a vacation.

7/5/2010

6/30/2010 Packing

Getting ready for our trip tomorrow!

I'm excited but also dreading the astounding logistical hassle of airports and luggage and airplanes and flying and renting and loading a car and navigation and taking care of 3 kids through all of that. I'll feel a lot better when we're there.

6/30/2010

6/29/2010 Incommunicado

I do not hold my hand to my ear to talk on phones, ever. I haven't for years. Not home phones, cell phones, or work phones. I have a cordless headset at home, a headset at work, and an earpiece for my cellphone in my car. The whole crooking-your-neck-thing -- not me, no way, no how.

This is the major reason I don't carry a cell phone -- with a close second being that rarely have pockets that fit a phone, and even if I did, I don't want a phone in them. But even if I did find a way to physically carry the phone, I wouldn't want to talk on it by holding it to my ear. I'm not going to carry a headset around with me, no one does that unless they truly are on the phone all day and have a Bluetooth parked on them all day.

I talk on my cell phone a lot -- exclusively in the car, and exclusively while driving. Say what you will about that, but I challenge any talking-while-driving foe to demonstrate how my talking to my mother, while looking around at everything around me, is in any way more dangerous or distracting than having my three children in the back of the car. I'm here to tell you: the boys fighting right behind me, me looking at them in the mirror, twisting around to take something, reaching back to smack someone, turning around to issue an order one last time, Katrina shrieking... Joe Simitian, where are you when you really need to outlaw dangerous distracted driving conditions? It's downright peaceful and safe when I'm chatting happily away with my mother with no one else in the car. The only thing I've ever done is miss an exit, once or twice, and we've all done that for any variety of reasons.

But all of this is possible only through the good graces of an inexpensive, yet difficult-to-find piece of equipment: the cellphone earpiece. Not a bluetooth -- been there done that, don't need the batteries, hassle, or boot time. Just a plain old wire that leads to an earpiece and a microphone, thank you. And those are remarkably hard to find.

Today I went to 5 stores, two of which were AT&T stores which is what my phone is. Nada. I got the last one of only one kind of earpiece at Best Buy, then went to Radio Shack to validate. They had a little more selection, but weirder quality, and I liked the Best Buy one better.

Why are these so hard to find?! I guess everyone crooks their necks in their phones or holds them up with their hands. Blah. But at least I did find one, just in time for our upcoming trip (!!) (!!) (!!!!), so I'm back on the air.

My new headset means I'll meet the legal standard for driving while talking, but with the kids in the back, I sure as heck will fall far, far below actual safety standards.

6/29/2010

6/28/2010 Lunch?!

I was talking with the boys over dinner about lunch, of all things. I explained to Julian that next year, he'll have lunch at school, not at the CDC. So, for instance, he won't be able to have things heated up at lunch.

"Sure he can Mom," Gabriel said. "You heat up our lunch at work, then drive to school, and drop off our heated lunches at 11:50 in the school office, they call the teacher and we go get our hot lunch."

Huh? "Are you out of your mind?" I asked him. Drive to school during my lunch hour?!

"Sure Mom. Lots of kids get hot lunch brought by their parents to the office."

I couldn't believe it. As soon as he said "...at 11:50," I knew he was serious. He was able to name 4 kids in his class who routinely went to the office to pick up a hot lunch that their parents brought for them to school.

I was stunned. Really, making a second trip to school just to bring lunch (not a forgotten lunch, but hot lunch from home). Just how far have things come?! Good grief!

Swim lesson night tonight. I gave the kids a quick dinner, and got all three to their lesson in plenty of time. All three were the first in their class to arrive, getting 3-4 minutes of private lesson time. I can safely say I am in the tiny minority of parents who manage 3 kids by myself to swim lesson -- and also in a minority whose kids are in the pool exactly on time. Not that we always pull this off, but occasionally my practice shows.

I'm not usually smitten by cute little girl things, but for some reason, Katrina in in her two-piece, goggles and ponytails is so unbelievably cute.


And it works, she gets the handsome dudes.


I sure wish swim lessons didn't spend so much time with back-floating. This just isn't something that's done much in competitive, or even recreational, swimming.


Julian sure has fun with the playtime at the end of the lesson though. Hard to tell on the video, but he has a HUGE smile and can't quit giggling!


But, sorry, no hot lunch.

6/28/2010

6/27/2010 The Window

One of countless remodeling mistakes we made was forgetting to order a window in the stairwell with obscured glass. It faces our neighbors' bedroom, it's not a nice view, and neither we nor our neighbors want to see each other through this window.

But, there are ways around this, such as a film that you apply after the fact. I'd gone to Lowe's and bought a kit, set up the project in the stairwell garden window, and then....nothing. Partly since it required coordination with Dave, partly because I thought it needed a day when the sun wasn't beating down on the window, and partly because it was just a huge pain in the ass, it just hadn't happened.

All the materials were waiting patiently on the shelf in the stairwell, ready for the project to be executed -- for well over a year.

But this was the weekend. I was tired of this project weighing on me every time I went up and down the stairs. I started it yesterday, ran out of film and had to go back to Lowe's for more. I took just Julian with me, transforming a draining errand into a delightful outing together, and he became my helper.

Finally, our neighbors don't have to see us walking up or down our stairs from their house. Not clearly, anyway.


I added some to the top panes of the kitchen window too. I wish I didn't have to do that, but I really am tired of seeing their curtains and the nasty 70s-pattern in the stucco.


So much else didn't happen today. I psyched myself up for a swim this morning, but was foiled by a swim meet occupying the pool. I just couldn't get over that -- it's rare I can't get myself motivated to go running, but, darnit, I was in the mood to swim! I have so much preparing and checking to do for our trip next week (did I fix that luggage carrier, will the big suitcase's broken zipper hold for one more trip, where IS that carseat carrier etc), but none of that happened either.

But at least I can walk up my stairs without the pressure of that project.

6/27/2010

6/26/2010 The Neighborhood

Today I had an errand that took me to a most unexpected place. I came across this pleasant charming tree-lined downtown, with outdoor seating and shops and restaurants.


And then a wonderful farmer's market, as most are around here. I didn't have a lot of cash with me, but I had just enough to buy a cheesecake sampler from an enterprising entrepreneur. Still, I regretted not being prepared, because there were tons of beautiful fruits and pastries and flower and fresh herbs.


What a lovely place! Too bad we don't live here. Even though on paper, we do.

This was downtown Sunnyvale, a tiny microcosm within a city that is otherwise dull mid-century suburban sprawl. One block of the original early-1900s grid wasn't razed for a mall in the mid-1970s, and now this serves as its bustling little mini-downtown.

But our house is on the complete opposite side of Sunnyvale, and we're really much more connected to Cupertino. Most of our resources (schools, shopping, library, haircutting and such day-to-day mundanities) are in Cupertino. And Cupertino has no downtown whatsoever to speak of. It's ironic that my major complaint about our house -- that through a quirk of history happens to be within Sunnyvale legal borders -- is the Cupertino-ish not-so-neighborhood.

One thing I can't complain about where we live is being less than 5 minutes from an ice rink. Gabriel isn't crazy about his figure-skating lessons, and neither am I since he doesn't learn nearly as much as he could in the time given, but I am glad it's so close. We're almost done with this series of lessons, then I'll put him back in hockey lessons. It's quite clear that he's already much more of a hockey skater than figure skater.


In theory this afternoon, I was preparing for our trip back East next week so I don't go running around like crazy at the last minute. In practice, I always work better under pressure, no preparations happened at all, and will still end up running around like crazy at the last minute. In my defense, I have been feeling horrible the last few days (contributing to my absence at coffee night with my friends, and absence from this blog), and just don't feel like doing much.

I spent some time in the office this afternoon, and enjoyed looking out the window to see Julian industriously watering all the plants. Never mind that complete drip system we just had installed. I wasn't about to deter him.


Then we turned on my "bubble rock" -- a complete indulgence that I'm still on the fence about, and he played with it a little. I had told our landscaper: "NO WATER FEATURES!" but he knew better and planned for one anyway. And so there is my rock that water flows out of. It goes completely against my function-over-form nature....and I love it.


Katrina threw such a nasty tantrum this morning that Dave bailed on taking Julian and Katrina out to breakfast as is customary on Saturday mornings (I was at skating with Gabriel). After Gabriel's lesson, Katrina was just then putting her clothes back on after stripping them off in her fit that lasted over an hour. It's exhausting and annoying and frustrating. Dave was in a blue mood all day after that.

This is one of her worst tantrum phases ever. We can count on at least one, usually more, major major inconsolable impossible tantrums that lasts well into an hour per day. I know it will end someday, but WHEN?!

But she doesn't tantrum all day. Later she was adorable when she burst downstairs and announced that she'd made a present for Dad -- a new picture of him! She was very proud of it, and we made a huge fuss over it, and over her. I think we both needed that.

These pictures she draws of Dad are adorable. He uses them for his Facebook profile photo.

("Dad, I even made you a PIG nose!")

Now that we have lawns, they need to be mowed. In an effort to stave off my insistence that we will need professional help maintaining our new little park, Dave mows the lawn as early in the weekend as possible. Gabriel, being all about anything machine, said he wanted to mow the lawn. Hah, sucker kid -- you WILL be doing that someday and you won't want to! Unfortunately the mower we have is too hard for him to handle yet.

(Though we learned that Gabriel has reached an all-time weight high: he's a grand 48 pounds now!)

I'm famous for having regrets and pickinesses about things after they're done, and landscaping is no different. I tried hard this time to just let it go, just do what the designer recommended, don't overanalyze, don't change things, don't drive myself and everyone else crazy -- it'll be GREAT, and my usual nitpicking along the way will only complicate matters. Fine.

That said...I wish I'd thought more about our main backyard patios. There's a lovely patio area, but much of the day it's in the sun, while the shaded area closer to the house is (useless) lawn.

Still, Dave found a way to enjoy it today. This bench had its back against the planting area, but he rotated it to look at the yard instead of an ugly electrical panel on our deck. All he needs is a table to set his beer down on.


But he can't sit quietly for long before Gabriel tracks him down with yet another electronics question.


And so, relaxing with a beer turns into unexpected father-son bonding over electrical engineering. This is far better than father-daughter de-bonding over Mom's mistaken attempt to change a faltering pony-tail holder.


Ah, and then my payoff. Dinner, cooked completely on the grill. Welcome summer!


6/26/2010

6/23/2010 The to do list

Oh, forget it. So much to do with our trip coming up next week, I'm overwhelmed. And sick to my stomach again, as usual. I give up for the night.

6/23/2010

6/22/2010 The demon takes another body

Gabriel has been amazing lately. Cooperative, sweet, thoughtful, doing what he's supposed to do without complaint....I only have to tell him two or three times to do something, or stop doing something, and he complies good-naturedly and without hurling insults or grumbling or threatening. He even said "OK, Mommy!" once yesterday. I'm not sure I've ever heard him say that!

The CDC staff has noticed a huge change in his behavior too. Their description of how good and easy he's been makes me realize how difficult he usually is. "He even cleaned up without objecting and only being told once!!" they told me with delight.

There are a number of things that could contribute to this. School is over and there's just less opportunity to disrupt. At the CDC, he's now with the older group of kids, the "SCEEP"ers (I forget what that stands for), which starts with the 3rd-graders. He's now the youngest in an older group, and it opens up a whole new world for him, and suits him very well.

At home, Dave pulled out an Electronics Learning Lab that Dave got as a thank-you gift from his employer, for teaching a basic electronics introductory lyceum at work. So this was not purchased with kids in mind, and we've had it since Gabriel was a baby. I think Dave had planned to see if Gabriel was interested when he turned 10 or so, but he's very very ready for a more advanced electronics kit.

Not surprisingly, Gabriel is beside himself with this new turn in his life, and he spends most of his time at home stooped over this little "lab," studying the book that came with it, inventing new circuits. He's constantly talking about how gates work and something he's put together, or dogging Dave with questions.


However, the demon that possessed Gabriel has found a new home.


Katrina has been awful lately.

Now, I must clarify: "awful" means awful between long bouts of being adorable and sweet and VERY VERY talkative. My goodness, when she's happy, she's so happy that even Gabriel says to her, "Katrina, could you just STOP TALKING for a few minutes already?!"

But when she's unhappy, she's unhappy for a very very long time, and very loudly. It's very disruptive, no one can talk or think when she's fussing or crying or complaining or repeating again and again "I don't LIKE this day. I don't LIKE this day. I don't LIKE this day. I don't LIKE this day...." Just like her big brother, she is a person of extremes, and she holds onto things for a long time.

Today's tantrum started when I picked her up from preschool, she went to the bathroom, and then I helped her get a paper towel -- but the one I first handed her was a little wet from my fingers. That kicked off a tantrum that lasted well after we were home, over an hour. She somehow broke out of it and shifted into her yakkity-yak mode, which is much more pleasant but just as noisy.

Julian has his seriously obnoxious and rude moments, but he's never been a tantrumer the way Gabriel and Katrina were/are. It's more ongoing and pervasive when Julian gets into a state, rather than a clearly defined tantrum.

Is it ever possible to have all three in a good phase at the same time? Or would we pay for that with all three in a horrible phase at the same time?

6/22/2010

6/21/2010 Summer Day

Yippee! It's official! First Day Of Summer!!! The first day of my favorite season!

And what a day to test our new 6:30pm swim lessons. It's working great, but only because it's summer. No homework, it stays light late....I got the kids home early(ish), quick dinner, then zoom all three to swim lesson. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but thanks to summer, it was an easy night. No bath needed, and the kids can play outside after we get home until bedtime. The late-evening sunshine goes a long way toward uplifting my mood and outlook on the world, despite my ongoing ambivalence about juggling work and life.

Tomorrow the days start getting shorter again, but I still see the first day of summer as a new beginning.

6/21/2010

6/20/2010 Dad's Day

I was pretty lame today about Father's Day. I just can't seem to make weekends productive, as I'm always so tired from the week I'm overwhelmed by the need -- and opportunity -- to nap. And also compelled to do some form of exercise on the weekend, as it's so limited during the week.

So while I was out running, Dave put the kids to bed and we missed our chance to do a little Dad's Day celebration and gifts. At least I made Dave's favorite breakfast, and cleaned up while Dave pulled out an electronics kit he's had stowed in a closet for a while. Not surprisingly, this kept Gabriel focused all day, though he did take breaks to follow Dave around and pepper him with questions about voltage regulators and such.

Katrina has been on a tantrum tear lately, one of her worst. They are triggered by things so trivial we can't even remember what started them, and she works herself into a completely inconsolable state, often ending up screaming at the top of her lungs for over half an hour.

But in the end, and along the way, Dave does feel this is all worth it. It's more than he signed up for, and often pushes him out of his "core competencies" and comfort zones, but being a Dad is an inextricable part of life now.

My only great sadness about today is that I can't call my own Dad and hear his joy and delight at my voice, talk about life and people and motivations and general philosophy, listen to him spit in fury at the hell Republicans hath wrought upon the earth, hear him laugh heartily at some clever comment from me, and somehow talking to him brought out my most clever comments if I have any at all. My Dad is still there, but his brain and spirit have been disconnected from language and memory, so I miss him just the same as if he weren't there.

So I wasn't the best wife or mother today, but that's all part of being family.

6/20/2010

6/19/2010 Beach Party

Today we headed for the coast!

We were invited to a beach birthday party by one of Julian's kindergarten-mates, in a different class (same teacher as Gabriel had had actually). Julian and Jake play together a lot at recess, and before I was working I'd chat with his very very nice mother before school started, so we know each other. Jake also attends CDC on some afternoons, so Gabriel knows him too. Jake's mother knew that a beach party would be tough for attendance, so she made sure we were available before scheduling it. So we weren't going to miss this one!

Dave stayed home to wait for an electrician, but I decided to bring Katrina anyway, knowing this was risky. Me and all three at the beach...the boys would be fine, but Katrina's a big wildcard. Still, I knew she'd love the beach, and I don't think she's been to one yet. I should know this, but I'm pretty sure this was her first significant time on a beach!

We were the first to arrive, and Jake and the boys wasted no time messing around in the water together.


Nyah to the weatherman, who was predicting overcast and chilly -- and in the Santa Cruz area (this was in Aptos, just south), they're not messing around. It can be cold and foggy and nasty. But not today!

Jake and Julian wait for the perfect wave to jump.





To my surprise, Katrina got in on the action too. I wasn't expecting her to want to go near the waves, but she tried it. She tripped once and fell to her hands and knees with the water around her, while I was about 10 meters away rescuing Julian's shirt from the surf, and that was it for her and the ocean.

But my experience on California beaches is that most of their time is spent digging in the sand anyway, and that played out today.



The birthday boy is a really nice -- and very cute -- little boy.


When one set of Jake's grandparents arrived, they saw Jake playing with three children (we were the first to arrive) and asked me which were mine. Umm...all of them!


I had a terrific time myself, mostly chatting and hanging out with other parents. Other than one of Jake's grandmothers, I was the only single parent there. And I was the only one who brought more than two children, and of those that brought two, the second were babies.

This ball is almost as big as Katrina, but it kept her happy for quite a while!



Katrina was the only girl until Jake's 4-year-old cousin arrived, but that was it for the girls. The other parents and Jake's grandparents got much amusement (as most grownups do) from how Katrina handles herself around all these boys. I don't think much of it since that's just our life, but indeed, she's quite at home surrounded by older boys, and doesn't hesitate to make her opinion known -- loudly -- about their taking things from her, or her need to have something done for her. She didn't interact with the other girl at all.

Long after the rest of the kids had gathered for lunch, Gabriel and Julian were still hard at work attempting to fill a sandhole with water. They hauled countless buckets of water back to the sand, only to see it be absorbed in seconds. "It just won't fill up!" Gabriel exclaimed.



Several other kindergartners from Julian's school were there, and I recognized some of the parents. When I chatted with them, I got a lot of, "Oh, JULIAN is your son?! My son talks about him all the time!" and then I'd hear stories about our boys playing together. Meantime, I'd have no idea who the other kid was. Julian is quite the social butterfly it seems!

After lunch, the kids were back at the digging. With all those kids around, including friends from school, on this enormous beach, these brothers who share a room and spend so much time together, have to be in the same hole.


OMG. How cute. Jake telling Katrina a secret.

As a younger girl, I wished for an older brother so that I'd have a steady stream of cute guys in my house from his friends. In practice, it never worked that way -- my girlfriends' older brothers usually wanted nothing whatsoever to do with we underdeveloped little pipsqueaks. But maybe there is something to meeting your brothers' friends, especially when they're such cuties like this one.

Katrina didn't even make it out of the parking lot before she zonked. Julian wasn't far behind. Gabriel insisted he didn't need to sleep, right up until the point he succumbed.

When we got home, Julian got out of the car very purposefully, and without saying a word, headed straight upstairs, crawled into bed, wrapped a blanket around himself and slept away the rest of the afternoon. I too remember always being really tired after a day on the beach as a kid -- unfortunately my kids don't have a lot of experience with that yet. I'm so grateful to Jake and his family for turning that around for us today!

6/19/2010

6/17/2010 The Timeout

Yesterday Katrina had a massive fit that earned her a massive (and rare) timeout. I asked Dave to put her in another room because she was screaming so loudly.

Then it was quiet. Dave checked on her and found she was gone. With the boys, usually this is an infuriating act of defiance, but Katrina has almost no timeout history. Most like whatever she was doing was probably pretty funny, hiding somewhere.

About 10 minutes later, Katrina appeared in the kitchen, wide-eyed and with a tear running down her face. In a tiny voice she said, "I was scared of the hummingbird!"

We quizzed her on where she'd been, and she said, "Outside on the bench." "What bench, the red bench on the porch?" (sometimes used for timeouts). "No," she said with some irritation, "the black bench with the diamonds!" Pause, slight sob, then, "The hummingbird scared me, Mommy!" I held her and comforted her.

This bench is a new one in our lovely new front yard. It's a nice spot with the stepping stones, shade, and a bubbler rock and blooming lily next to it. Unless there's a hummingbird scaring you away.


"I was outside on the bench with the diamonds and the hummingbird scared me!"

Hmm, I guess the lesson here is that if you're going to hide from a timeout, you'd better not be scared of hummingbirds!

6/17/2010

6/16/2010 The pout

Oh, Katrina. Huge fuss leaving school today (I dried her face with a paper towel that was not sufficiently dry), and the tantrum continued well past the time we were home. As usual, this amuses her brothers to no end.



Guess where I took this picture today. In our front yard! We have flowers!


Landscapers finished today yayyy! Photos later when I can get better ones.

6/16/2010

6/15/2010 The Procedure

Dave and I took off work today so I could have an endoscopy -- basically, a camera to the stomach. I've had so much stomach pain and weirdnesses in the past few months that I went to a gastroenterologist who called for the test. It's pretty straightforward but does involve sedation and not driving. Initial results were, as almost all are with me, "normal."

However, I can't really complain about a medical excuse to sleep all day! But reality resumes tomorrow.

6/15/2010

6/14/2010 Swim lessons times three

Despite extraordinary circumstances today, somehow, we managed to get all three kids to a 6:30pm swim lesson.

Even Gabriel, who insists he doesn't need them. He actually can swim a little, but this doesn't meet my standard for "can swim well enough not to need lessons."


Julian has a far better attitude than Gabriel, and was happy and enthusiastic. I wish they'd teach him to use his arms though. The boy is 6-1/2, he's ready!


Katrina really liked her lesson, until the end when she wanted a rainbow ribbon and was offered only a pink. Then she had a little tantrum, the ungrateful brat! Still, for her, every lesson is filled with new things, so this is really great for her. Even if she has no idea how to kick. Lah-de-dah...someone peel me a grape while I lounge around...


Maybe she'll even learn to jump in the water someday. For now, I'm happy to see this smile.



Extraordinary circumstances...this morning, Gabriel came to me and told me his head was itching, and that he'd pulled a bug out of his hair. I checked him immediately for lice, but didn't see anything. He had some bites on his back too, so figured it might be fleas or something, put anti-itch cream on his back, and that was it.

No it wasn't. Turns out, I didn't know what to look for -- but the trained daycare staff did. Lice. Just typing that makes my skin crawl.

I had a really important meeting at work today and had already arranged with Dave to do pickups in case it ran late. As it turns out, he had to leave work even earlier to pull Gabriel out of daycare and start dealing with the cleanup. That started with a $15 shaver, and giving Gabriel a buzz cut, then the lice treatment and nit combing, which was easy on his now-millimeters-long hair. Then he started on the rest of the bedding and stuffed animals.

Meantime, my meeting ran late, as I expected. And I expected rush-hour traffic, but I didn't expect a horrible accident that backed up traffic for miles. This set me very late to get home and zoom them all to swim lesson, first barking orders to Dave over the cellphone about where the swim stuff is, where their sandals are, whose goggles are whose. He had them mostly ready when I got home at 6:12, then we whisked them into the car, and got them to swim lesson just in time. Despite that stress, I'm glad we made it, I was happy to see them all swimming again. It's just too important.

As usual, the unpleasant part is the boys together; messing around in the locker room (Julian threw his trunks and I had to go into the men's room to fetch them from atop a shelf), or rough-housing on the pool deck (SO not allowed) while I'm in helping Katrina and everyone is glaring at them wondering where their delinquent mother is. They just can't be left alone together. I'm going to have to figure that out for next week.

Back at home, now we were looking at a late dinner and a much more complex bath process, because now Julian and Katrina needed to be treated too. We carefully inspected them both -- Dave now knew what to look for, as he'd seen it on Gabriel -- but saw nothing. Still, we did the treatment and combing, even Katrina, and didn't find anything.

How, where and when did he get lice?! And how awful that he told me about it this morning and that I didn't detect it! Eeps, the whole thing makes me skin crawl....or is that....uugggh, I'm outta here, I have to go wash my hair with a special "creme rinse!"

6/14/2010

6/13/2010 Workaday

I got one of the most odious tasks around here done today, or at least started. Some paint-touch up was needed, like where the house didn't get painted green where a gate used to be, and various other little things.

Unfortunately I didn't get started until after 3pm. I'm just so darned tired all the time during the week, that it's hard to get myself going on the weekends. This morning, thanks to the generosity and extraordinary donation of patience resources of my husband (dealing with kids and a very obstinate Gabriel), I was able to sleep late and then have a nice long swim. Then thought I was ready to deal with kids and housechores, but just couldn't get moving. I had to take a nap, during which I slept soundly and dreamt, and then I was ready to go. By then it was pretty late.

Since I've started working, I get to work gradually earlier and earlier, and leave a little later too. Despite countless bits of advice that I'll adjust, of course that's not true, and I haven't. Instead, I build a sleep deficit all week and then completely collapse on weekends. By Sunday night, I've recovered and am feeling normal again, just in time for the week to start all over and drag me down all over again. I just don't know how to be me when I'm not bursting with energy.

The obvious answer is advancing age, but that's by no means the whole picture. Even in college I took naps in the afternoon, and could sleep whenever I needed to. Now, I can't sleep when I need to at all, except on weekends, and if you accept the advancing age argument, then I need to more now than ever. Perhaps this is why people pushing the golden years shouldn't have toddlers, but it's the combination of work and child-raising that keeps me from my Z's. For some of us, timing is everything -- it's not how much sleep I get, it's when I get it. Quality over quantity.

At least I've learned the value of the bare minimum, and know how to set goals. I did get this painting done, and while there's more to do and while I did a pretty lousy job of what I did do, at least I met that minimal goal.

Now, next weekend, will I have the energy to finally put up some window film?

Three children was hardly rewarding for Dave today, but thanks to his efforts (did I mention Gabriel was obstinate -- remember that that combination of words does not indicate a simple affair) I did have some very nice moments with Julian helping me with the painting (fetching things, keeping me company, helping Katrina when she needed it). Though our yards are still not all our own yet, we're starting to take back over and actually enjoy being at home outside.

6/13/2010
6/13/2010