8/12/2010 Rare night

Two unusual events coincided tonight: I had to work late, and the boys had a playdate with Dave's friend's son Kirin. Kirin lives in Ohio but visits his dad Uday every summer, and Uday flies to Ohio every other weekend to see him, plus they talk on the phone several times a day. Now that's an exemplary long-distance relationship!

Uday offered to take our boys and Kirin to dinner and then to a remote-controlled race car place for a playdate. I had to call Dave at work and ask him to pick up kids and deal with dinner tonight, when he reminded me of this playdate. So he left work early, picked up the kids and joined the boys, with one very enthusiastic little girl tagging along too.

And so they played with remote-controlled race cars.



I got home late and buzzed and burnt from an intense day at work to...an empty house! I almost didn't know what to do with myself. But I got over that quickly. This was an opportunity not to be missed.

My "new" job has been going on for 6 months. My jury's still out on the lifestyle, but I do like feeling like I can think again. I like collaborating, I like digging into problems, I like making things to work. Time alone at home is a big casualty of this lifestyle, but if I get it once in 6 months, that makes me happier.

8/12/2010

8/11/2010 Dress-up Day

Katrina's preschool had "dress-up day" today -- dress up in anything you want. I'm building quite the stash of old Halloween costumes, so resurrected this clown costume. (I love making costumes, but it's hard to beat this eBay find for $7!) Katrina was very excited about wearing it today, though not so excited about a photo. This was the best I could do.

A happy clown today! With any luck, she'll want to use this for Halloween too!

8/11/2010

8/10/2010 Boys together

Arrrgh....I did think twice about putting the boys together in the same Y day camp.

But the dropoff and pickup for the Y camps is far enough away that it's really impractical to stagger the weeks that they go, and in any given week, there are only so many camps offered. They're getting a little older too, presumably more mature, maybe they won't be interested in messing around with each other.

This week is ice-skating week, and it's popular enough that I figured there'd be enough kids to buffer the brother effect. This camp is for kids entering 1st-3rd grades, so I also figured they'd end up dividing the group by age.

And all the things I expected turn out to be true about the camps. But none of it is enough to overcome the irresistible urge our boys have to constantly push, shove, kick, hit, roughhouse, tease, torment and pummel each other.

The ice-skating camp director found me at pickup today and told me that it started yesterday, but was really bad today, nonstop roughhousing and not listening to the teachers. They were warned, timed out, separated, had to sit out activities, but still wouldn't quit being disruptive. I asked if there were other brother pairs in the group, and he said yes, but none quite so....er, physical.

I was mortified and furious with myself. What was I thinking putting them in the same camp?! This means they spend pretty much every waking moment together. And sleeping moments too -- the past two nights, I've found Julian in Gabriel's bunk, as though all this togetherness creates a twisted separation anxiety. But there's nothing they both need more than time apart. I see another residual effect of all this time together -- the second they're reunited with Katrina, they both heap her with often unwanted attention, as if they're starving for fresh sibling interaction.

School starts next week. I was dreading school starting, but the separation that comes with different classes can't come soon enough.

8/10/2010

8/9/2010 Stitches out!

Julian got his stitches out this morning. The wound has healed well, though the doc warned it'd be sensitive for a few months.

Today was the first day he could go back into the water (immersed that is; baths have been OK) -- good timing, because today was a swim lesson.

Julian had a great time in his lesson, especially the 5-minute playtime at the end. Today's playtime activity was to jump into the water from the pool deck however they wanted. So what is the first thing he does? I could see him winding up for it -- Julian jumped off the edge and did a half-twist in the air, so that he was facing the pool deck when he entered the water. This is exactly how he injured his chin less than a week ago!!

Normally I don't interfere in lessons, and though he cleared the pool deck by a few feet, I did interfere to go remind him sternly that that's how he got hurt, don't do that.

He'll have a small scar, but it won't be visible. Not that he cares. Kids wear scars like badges of honor of course, he'd probably want it to be visible. It makes me want to scrapbook the event, so that the details of the incident are recorded in fact, instead of drifting into myth over time.


As I was trying to get a photo for the scrapbook, Katrina, unusually, wanted her picture taken. This one clearly is a tribute to her expert face-making cousin Remi.


Then Julian had to join in too.


Gabriel quit swim lessons at DACA, so he stayed at home.

I'm really really tired of the constant irritation I feel watching the lesson, and how the stupid levels hold the kids back. I saw Julian use his arms once or twice today as he was making his way back to the side after jumping in, and was startled at how effective he is with them -- swift, precise, strong. Or would be with them if only he were taught to use them. We're done with swim lessons after August. Next summer, I'm signing them up for backyard lessons in which they have a shot at actually learning to swim.

Learning to jump safely into a pool, on the other hand....

8/9/2010

8/8/2010 Kidplay

As we were doing our big landscaping project, I wanted to plan for a play structure swingset sort of thing. We even mapped out an area that would be prepared with a border and tanbark in the design, but it got at the end of the project. The landscapers put in lawn instead, and we were anxious enough to get done that we didn't object (though we did make sure the item "prep play area" was removed from the contract). This is one of many details that fall victim to project burnout.

Besides, I still wasn't sure what would fit there. And, feeling very very burnt out on spending, suddenly the $2000 or so for a structure was $1990 more than I felt like spending. So, wait and see.

Then friends bought a house with a swingset in their backyard. This childfree couple wants to do the yard all Japanese and Feng-shui, so they're anxious to remove this eyesore. We went to check it out Friday night.

In the end we decided this just wouldn't fit in our strange space, which is fine for grownups (and kids too), but no longer has singular wide-open spaces.

I did learn that a back-to-back glider swing is great fun, though it also has great potential for fighting since it only holds two. The only way such a swing could be used is with Katrina in one spot, who can't pump it herself and SCREAMS insistently for someone to help her; and then whichever brother won the fight over the remaining chauffeur spot. The boys will fight over who gets their spot, and if it's just the boys together, then Katrina will freak out.

Saturday morning, while I slept late, the kids found a roly-poly and followed the poor thing, put it in a bucket for its "house" and named it, then let it out to play and lost it. Dave says this kept all three busy for quite a while.

Sigh. They need a pet.

Saturday afternoon we went to another friend's house in the Santa Cruz mountains, for a barbecue we'd arranged months ahead of time -- that's how busy both families are. Dave and Ric worked together years ago and also know each other from motorcycling. Ric and Val attended our wedding with their darling 5-year-old carrot-top boy, who bowed to me again and again. I so wish someone had caught a photo of that! Anyway, that "little" boy is almost 17 now and just as delightful a young man as he was a little boy. He's very active in Boy Scouts and wants to be a screenwriter.

However, he's pretty much outgrown his childhood staple, a 14-foot diameter trampoline. Its attraction was immediately obvious -- all three kids were immediately overcome with giggles and laughter playing on it. It's better with a net around it, but our kids didn't jump very high yet and actually seemed a lot safer than I'd expected. They had a great time for a long time, while we grownups chatted above on the deck.


This item too has been offered to us, but again it's not clear where we'd fit it. It's incredible -- our lot is 11,600 sq.ft. -- large by Sunnyvale standards -- and yet we can't quite fit a swingset or trampoline?! Actually we can, it's just what else we'd give up in ability to move around, or curb appeal. For instance, the kids love riding bicycles around the backyard now -- a trampoline would interfere with that. And I can't bring myself to stick a trampoline out front, it'd just look awful.

Trampolines are a lot easier to put in and take out than swing sets, but swing sets are more versatile and we could get a more compact one to fit. Both keep kids happy for hours, but which one is the win for us? By the time we figure it out, they might be too old for either.

It's unusual for me not to blog for 2 nights in a row. The muscle cramps episode of Thursday night really threw me out of whack; I limped on and off all day Friday and felt many threatening pulls in the muscle, warning me of a recurrence. I took a muscle relaxant left over from my back episode, and it totally knocked me out all Friday. I truly had nothing to say to put in a blog, a rare event indeed. Saturday night we were all tired and content from our wonderful visit with our friends in the mountains, and I went straight to sleep when we got home. Morning sleep is a big casualty of our "new" lifestyle with me working full-time (6 months now), so I truly value the times I can sleep late on weekends.

Unfortunately, by the time my body's rested and back on its own natural rhythms, it's time for the rat race to start all over again. And there's no stopping this one -- Julian gets his stitches out tomorrow at 8am.

8/8/2010

8/5/2010 Safe swimming??

OK no more talking about how safe swimming is compared to running. First Julian bashes open his chin, then tonight I went for a swim and was attacked by the worst muscle cramps I've ever had. Alternately both calves, and various small muscles in my feet too. I was SO mad, I was gliding along so nicely, well on my way toward a nonstop 2000yard swim. Cramps really are dangerous; I was only a few yards from the side when the biggest one hit, and I had to work hard to get to the side. Dunno what it's about but I'm taking a hot bath, muscle relaxants, and going right to bed. It's Burn Notice* night anyway.

8/5/2010

*seems I'm not the only Sharon Gless fan, she was nominated for an Emmy for her role on BN.

8/4/2010 Tennis, anyone?

Yesterday after Julian and I were done at Urgent Care, we went back to the school where the Y daycamps are held (conveniently about a 2-minute drive away). Since the doc had said no swimming this week while his stitches were in, we had to make a change from Splash Camp.

Julian was very excited about Lego Bash'n'Bots, but I warned him this popular camp would probably be full, and it was. All that was open was Prince and Princesses (Prince and Princesses? Now really, do any boys join this one??), Hogwarts, and tennis. The Hogwarts camp director was there, a funny friendly guy, and we chatted up the Harry Potter stories (of which I'm a big fan). But when I offered Julian the choices, he said, "Tennis" right away. "You sure?" "Yup, tennis." OK! Tennis it is.

I realized in the middle of the day today that I wasn't even sure if he knew what tennis is.

But he had a great time today, happily describing the games they played and how to serve and that he beat his whole group in a running race. Uh-huh, I'd like to hear the rest of that story. The reason for my skepticism is well-founded: it happens that an old friend from Las Madres was in his group, and Julian claimed to have outrun him too. He cited their exact times in seconds, but I still find it hard to believe that Julian outran athletic and older Rylan (Gabriel's peer).

These sports camps typically do the specific activity in the morning, then other things in the afternoon. Ironically this afternoon was Swim Day for the tennis camp. But that was OK, the tennis camp Director told me that lots of kids don't swim, and they have other activities set up for them. He also told me at pickup today that Julian seemed to really enjoy himself and picked up the tennis part quickly. Tennis, so far, is a big win.

Splash camp, on the other hand....not so much. Gabriel said yesterday that the 45-minute lesson was "great" because half of it involved the kids floating around in life vests, which they could opt out of, and he did. Today he got lucky again because they were buddied up, and his buddy had to get out of the pool for some reason, so he got to get out also. He says he's not learning anything, and complains about having to "practice." That's the 45-minute lesson part; then they get lots of water free play time, which he likes.

Both Gabriel and Julian found the pool to be too cold for lessons, which means there's likely too much waiting. It's a large outdoor pool, kept to a typical temperature for a practice pool, which is great for actually swimming, but a little cold if you have to hold onto the side for more than a few minutes. The boys complained about the pool where I swim too, so I know how cold it is, and it's perfect if you're actually moving. On hot days it's actually a little too warm.

Talking with a coworker today who has 2 boys aged 10 and 12, and two Las Madres friends whose kids have finally learned to swim, I'm increasingly convinced that short intensive courses (every day for 2 weeks) in an entrepreneur's backyard pool with just one or two kids in the lesson is plenty -- provided the lessons are of high quality. Heck, I'll even take lessons of mediocre quality if they'd just teach them to use their arms!

Gabriel is at a level in which he is taught arms (at DACA that is), and he could benefit from plain old practice, but I gather he's not getting enough pressure from the Y camp to swim even from one side of the pool to the other, a mere 25 yards. I know he could be motivated to; he was very intrigued to hear that I usually swim a "mile" when I work out swimming. Somehow "a mile" sounded a lot more impressive than "1800 yards" (which is a bare minimum for any real swimmers).

Julian isn't even being taught to use his arms yet at DACA. From the brief stint we did at Water Babies last summer, in which they view arms as pretty important in swimming, I saw that he was quite ready to use them. Otherwise it's called "treading water." Even Katrina could benefit from arm practice now, though she's even lamer than her swim lessons, so she is getting a little out of them, but not nearly as much as she could.

Wouldn't it be funny if Julian really got into tennis. We'd have a great story to tell about how it got started.

8/4/2010

8/3/2010 Chin-bonk

"I think he needs stitches," said the Splash Camp director. I didn't know how to answer; the camp director sounded so young and unsure itself. The camp director continued, "He's sitting next to me, he isn't crying and it's not bleeding...but I think he needs to be seen."

I called our pediatricians, whose phone-answering medical assistant wouldn't tell me anything until I'd gotten to Julian and had a chance to look myself. As if I'm any expert. I had to wait almost 10 minutes on hold when I did get to Julian and see his wound (and agreed with the young camp director). Then it took 2 minutes to drive to a nearby urgent care center.

He'd jumped into the pool in a strange way, trying to do one of his spin-things as he jumped. Apparently he'd rotated just enough so that if clearing the pool edge was in question, his chin would be the first to get it. And did. So, urgent care clinic, here we come.

Band-aid in the waiting area.


The doc (P.A.) stitches him up, after slathering a numbing agent across the wound and then injecting it with Novacaine.


Six in all, though the doc used small stitches and very thin suture thread so as to minimize facial scarring.


Julian never cried or complained through the whole thing, quite the trooper! My guess is that the pain and discomfort comes later.

Someone had to break the impasse -- so far, we've had no broken bones, no casts, not even any stitches! It had to happen sooner or later.

8/3/2010

8/2/2010 Swim Camp

Somehow before the summer, in my ongoing aggravation about slow swim learning, I decided to sign the boys up for Splish Splash camp, a weeklong Y daycamp that would emphasize swimming every day. Learning by immersion, sink or swim, one lesson every day -- maybe that would give them the jump-start (or "sink in") they'd need to kick off actual swimming. I've been discouraged again with the slow progress at DACA, which Gabriel has now quit and the other two only have one month left of, and hoped that the Y camp would kick-start things.

No dice. The boys reported today that they were split into very broad groups, by kids saying if they could swim or not, and then had what they described as a lame 45-minute lesson. I ignored complaints about cold -- they're used to absurdly warm water in training pools -- but they both said they could do way more than the class offered. Both said their DACA classes were way better. Damned with faint praise, again.

The rest of the day camp was a regular old fun day camp, but the swim lesson part of it seems sounds like a bust. Again. Like I should be surprised? It's so freakin' difficult to find good swim lessons! Or even bad ones -- just lessons in which they're actually taught to swim!

After picking the the boys up from camp, we zoomed home to get ready to go to, of all things, a swim lesson at DACA. This time just Katrina and Julian.

Julian had a great time in his "red ribbon" class, but once again I found myself quelling irritation that he's in a group of other kids who I see as holding him back. The teacher had to give extra attention to teaching very basic skills like diving. I thought at his level we were sort of beyond this broad differences in skill.

Now, in fairness, Julian had no idea how to dive either his first day, but after just a few lessons, he can dive far more confidently than today's classmates. He leapt to volunteer to go first, anxious to show off his "flip" (meaning, he can't dive straight and ends up flipping underwater):

This tells me the classes just aren't structured right, if skills that can be learned quickly (diving) are mixed in with more fundamental ones that tend to group kids together (errr...swimming?? oh no never mind, that's not until 3 levels later.)

Once again, I found myself watching his class with a mixture of irritation and pride. I remember my one and only experience Momma-bearing, when Julian was in a lower-level class, low enough that you could still get cryers in it. One day, Julian's poor teacher was completely consumed dealing with a new cryer, and I counted the number of turns he had, four, all being pulled around on a barbell. That was too much...or rather, too little. I asked (complained), and he got moved to a class with peers more in keeping with his level.

Again today I found myself wanting to goad the teacher, "can we dispense with the preliminaries and move on to SWIMMING?!"

And this was in the good class today!

He had a new teacher today, who overall was pretty good. Julian's still learning how to dive for sink rings.


One new classmate was not only 10 minutes late (that's really late for a half-hour class), but she had no goggles, looked like she was about to cry at first, and then was constantly chided and helped by her mother, including being helped with climbing out of the pool. Julian is substantially shorter than both girls, and has longer clingier swim trunks to handicap him, so struggled mightily to get out to the side. But I stayed out of it, and he did it.



I wasn't even trying to catch this, but she also gives the girl instructions during class to kick. Later, off-camera, she admonishes her daughter not to let go of the side. I did nothing to support her cause, motioning to Julian to let go if he caught my eye, not that he needed any extra encouragement. He likes letting go and practicing treading water while waiting his turn (a long time while the teacher had to persuade the girl he was working with to let go of the rope and dive for a ring -- which Julian can't do either but he certainly tries hard and eagerly).


I've had it. I'm really tired of being frustrated about swim lessons. I never felt that way at Water Babies, but I feel that way all the time now with all the other classes.

I'm no expert on teaching kids to swim, but I am now an expert on sitting on the sidelines and seeing nothing happening that easily could. I'm really quite certain Julian could easily be taught freestyle -- he's strong and confident and willing and eager. TEACH HIM, already!! I'd do it myself if he'd listen to me!

Fortunately I have some friends who share the same frustratins and have invested far more time and effort into their kids' swimming than I have, and have finally found good lessons, mostly private and semi-private ones taught by entrepreneurs in their backyards. Next summer I'm going straight to them.

My boys' swim lessons do show to some extent, but they should really be far, far more capable than they are given the time and effort they've put in already. I'm no expert on teaching kids to swim, but for the life of me I just can't summon enough creativity to explain why not to teach a capable willing 6-year-old to use his arms in the water. Try as a I might, I just can't craft a reason against it. At no time in my swimming education do I recall being deprived of this resource.

I do love Y camps; nostagically I learned to swim at a Y sleep-away camp, but now even beloved Y campsfall into my general umbrella of disgust at kids' swim lessons. I'm not an instant-gratification kinda gal; I know it takes a lot of time and build-up to learn to swim, but lost opportunities irk me, and this is one. Indeed, I blame the boring classes on Gabriel's lost interest -- he's actually a decent swimmer, and swimming fits well with his physical abilities, but he doesn't like swim classes. I can't blame him. Neither do I.

After this month, that's it for conventional swim lessons. Next summer, it's time to bring in the big guns!

After class, back at home, Katrina had a great time running around the front yard, chasing Gabriel's remote-control truck, teasing Dad about the mushrooms growing in the lawn, and just generally being silly. We use our front yard like this, in small short little snippets, all the time now. Before landscaping, months would go by and I just wouldn't make it near this area. Now it's fun to see what's bloomed, what's growing, what needs to be cut back, how things look. It's not perfect and now that it's there, there are things I'd do differently, but still -- WHAT a difference! It's FUN to be out there, instead of cringe-inducing!



8/2/2010

8/1/2010 Three Moms

I had a nice time catching up with friends at a Las Madres picnic today. I've been so out of touch, now that I've been working for 6 months. But these things always remind me what friendship and community is about.

One thing that was fun was trying get an update for this series of photos. Today's shot was taken in the same park, but a different spot.


September 2006. Left to right: Stef, Noemi, Betsy. Our babies arrived Nov.9, Oct.5, and Nov.15, respectively, all full-term.


June 2007, about 10 months later.


June 2009, two years from the last photo. We missed 2008 somehow. Our babies are 2-1/2 now.


August 2010. Another 14 months and now age 4 is coming up. It wasn't clear we'd be able to carry them for the photo -- this will be the last time!

Yay, later Sonia sent me this photo she took with her super-duper-uber good camera.


After all the park play, we got home and had another playdate. We don't have a lot, but the ones we do have are all arranged by Dave! A coworker has a son who's one year and grade older than Gabriel who visits in the summer, and they've gotten to be friends. That was nice.

Back to it tomorrow -- and then some. Day camps mean lots of preparing their things, lunch-making, a big break in the usual dropoff/pickup routine. I thought I'd be more excited about it, but I'm semi-dreading it. Especially after a weekend filled with lots of fun and great kid-time.

8/1/2010

7/31/2010 Boardwalk

I don't like amusement parks. Party pooper, spoilsport. I basically had fun with them as a kid, but even as a young adult, the traffic, crowds, lines, noise and kitchiness was never my thing. Especially the crowds and lines. Especially the lines.

So it was more out of obligation than enthusiasm that I went along with a trip to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk today for Dave's company's annual summer "picnic." If nothing else, the fact that a Silicon Valley company still does this is remarkable -- a throwback to the plentiful times of yore. Plus, I like meeting his coworkers, the amusement park should be fun for the kids. We planned to bail by 2pm, so, it all appeared bearable.

The one thing that's changed since the last time we went to the Boardwalk is that now I have a kid who is just barely tall enough to go on some of the good rides. Gabriel is exactly 48" tall and maybe with shoes and good posture could pass on the many rides that demand a minimum 50" height. It's supposed to be about the kids, but I've never been good at that. For me, actually going on a cool ride could inject some brightness into this chore.

It happened that where we had to pick up our wristbands for all-day free rides was on the opposite end of a whole kiddie-ride section, which we didn't find until after lunch. So we were closest to the more grownup rides, a few of which Gabriel qualified for in height.

Why not start big then? Gabriel was up for "Double Shot," a free-fall type ride, the sort of which didn't exist when I was a kid. Now we're talking. Dave had no interest and Julian was too short even if he'd have wanted to, so it was just me and Mr. Firstborn.

And it was total fun! Brief, and not nearly as scary as I expected, but it was still really fun. I suspect this one is tame as free-fall rides go. I had to yell a little, but Gabriel was cool as a cucumber. Later he said it was the funnest ride of the day.


I've gotten a lot braver in my old age. At least at this relatively dinky (but historic) boardwalk, I was ready for the big rides. Gabriel didn't qualify for some, and didn't want to do some that he did. After Double Shot, I was ready to take on Fire Ballz and Giant Dipper (an old wooden roller coaster!), but, no takers. Double Shot was the first, and most challenging one, we did.

Then it was on to the merry-go-round, that Katrina insisted upon. She was a poor citizen waiting; complaining, whining and then screaming about wanting to ride while we were on line.

Dave and I both expected that given her often timid or hesitant (ok, resistant) reaction to new things, we thought she'd freak out once the ride got going, but she loved it. This proved to be a theme throughout the day: she laughed and wasn't at all fearful on any rides. (And was obnoxious and impatient waiting for them.)



This old merry-go-round actually had a ring dispenser to reach for, and a clown's mouth to try to throw it into. Gabriel was able to reach the ring, but hitting the clown's mouth was tough.


This "JetCopter" ride is one of the few with a maximum height -- which meant Katrina would have to go with a brother instead of a parent. No problem! Gabriel was all too happy to take care of her.



We rode the Sky Glider to the other side of the park, where the boys did a Rock'n'Roll car ride that went around fast, then backward. I was still a little queasy from the merry-go-round (not the free-fall ride!). I'm somewhat susceptible to motion sickness; I wouldn't dare go on one of those teacup-spinning rides. This looked like fun though, I wished I'd done it. Ah, what I won't do for the photo.


We went to Dave's company's lunch, which had over 400 people signed up. They had a Hawaiian band playing and a hula dancer, who gave a short lesson. I couldn't pass that up! I learned some of the arm motions to represent things like "beautiful day" and "ocean" in hula. It was total fun -- I do miss dancing!

After lunch there was the obligatory raffle. Somehow we wound up with two tickets (it really should have been one per family), so Gabriel and Julian listened to the raffle call-out and minded the numbers on our two tickets. And Gabriel's number came up!

Or rather, the number of the ticket he was holding came up. He/we won a digital camera! I felt bad, but he took it well when we explained that he won a family prize, not just one for him. We'll find a way to share it and rotate ownership.

A truly hilarious family moment came when I sent the boys to fetch ice cream, which came in two forms: an ice cream sandwich, or a packaged ice cream cone. "Get me a Drumstick," Dave said, referring to the Nestle brand Drumstick pre-packaged ice cream cone. Gabriel returned right away with his frozen loot, but Julian took long enough that I went to go investigate.

I found Julian carefully making his way back to our table with a most curious load in his hands: a packaged ice cream cone in one palm, with a leg of sloppy, sticky barbecue chicken perched precariously on top, with the cone acting as a makeshift plate and barely held in place with his slippery fingers tenuously holding the protruding bone. It was quite the scene.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I cried in horror, observing the chicken with no plate, and barbecue sauce all over his hands and the cone package, ready to slide right to the ground. Julian had turned down chicken at lunch, did he change his mind?

He looked at me with wide eyes and said, "Dad asked for a drumstick!"

On top of it, when we opened the ice cream cone that had done double-duty as a plate, it had melted beyond usability from the hot barbecue on top of it. Laughing, I went back to get Julian a fresh cone. How was he supposed to know about Nestle's branding of the term "Drumstick" ?!

After lunch, my appetite for upside-down rides had declined, but that was OK, we went in search of a kiddie roller coaster. What we found was a whole kiddie-ride section we hadn't, but should have, known existed. Everyone met the height limits at every ride here.

So we went on the Sea Serpent, a tame little roller coaster for little kids. I was miffed to see so many adults and teenagers on. I mean really, come on! Some adults were so large that they couldn't share a car with another person, and some boys so tall that their knees were sticking out of the car. Go to the big rides, wimps!

Speaking of wimps, Julian opted out, but amused himself with playing gate-man for the exit gate while the rested of us waited on line. We got super-lucky with the cutoff of groups, so Gabriel and I got first choice of cars, and of course we took the first one. Katrina and Dave rode right behind us. We weren't sure how she'd do, and I heard her screaming a few times, but Dave said later she did that because she thought she was supposed to, and she laughed through the whole thing.


Interesting; she overall is -- well, acts -- more fearful than her brothers. But when fun makes her forget the act, she's more welcoming of rides than Julian was at her age.

It was well past our intended departure time of 2pm, lines were all very long by now, and it was so crowded we couldn't all walk together. Given our recent miscommunication that resulted in accidentally leaving Gabriel behind at home one evening, Dave and I made sure to take note who was watching who, which meant "who's got Katrina" and "who's got the boys." The only way to make it through crowds efficiently was for Dave to carry Katrina on his shoulders, the boys to follow him, and for me to bring up the rear to watch the whole group. But this isn't exactly relaxed or leisurely together.

So we did one more ride, then it was time to scoot home anyway for swim lessons. The boys and my last hurrah was Space Race, a bumper car ride that the boys were tall enough to do. They'd been disappointed that neither was tall enough for the grownup bumper cars we first went by, so this was a nice find.

Meantime, Dave took Katrina on a kiddie mini-freefall ride. Dave said that was plenty for him, and that Katrina loved it.

I was floored at how much traffic there was as we made our way back to the car. Are all these people leaving the beach now?! No, Dave pointed out -- they're arriving. Unlike the Atlantic beaches my family frequented in my childhood, there's morning gloom to contend with here on the Left Coast. A security guard told me that the local weather service predicts to the minute what time the fog will lift; today the sun actually broke at 1:51pm. I actually prefer the overcastness, it's not so hot and sunny and bothersome to the eyes. And makes for better pictures. The sun is definitely better if your destination is the beach though, which must have been where the westbound hordes were going.

I stand by my general objection to amusement parks. Not my thing. Overall, the logistics, traffic, parking, crowds, lines, noise, hecticness, crowds, lines, crowds, lines, crowds, lines, lines, and lines are so not my deal. But, the two minutes actually spent on the rides more than redeemed the experience today. I'm shocked (and delighted) I'm saying this, but we all had a really good time today.

7/31/2010

7/30/2010 Office Work

By the time dinner and kids are done, the LAST thing I want to do is work in the office, but some things must get done. So, not much to say except that I got almost all my Dad's Medicaid application done, minus a few big questions. Having that done will take a huge load off my mind

Then I can think about another seriously overdue task: dissolving Nebcom, Inc. You can thank business-unfriendly California for that; they want $800 a year from every corporation in a business tax even if the business loses money or takes in no money whatsoever, like mine. I can think of much better things to do with $800 a year than throw it down the toilet known as California state government.

7/30/2010

7/29/2010 Burn Notice

Sorry, it's Burn Notice night. Then Royal Pains. Actual regular-run TV shows I like to watch once a week.

7/29/2010

7/28/2010 Hippie Girl

Some combination of Katrina picking her clothes and Dave moving her along with suggestions this morning resulted in this decidedly beatnik-era outfit today.


She has such a pretty ponytail though!


7/28/2010

7/27/2010 Teachers

Lots of turnover at the CDC lately. I get the impression the new Director isn't well-liked. Young guy, kind of gruff and strict in ways that aren't needed (even in my opinion!). I don't know about this.

To make matters worse, my favorite CDC teacher left today. I am SO bummed! Nichole has been there for a few years, and took care of the kindergartners this year. She's funny and honest and supportive and I consider her an essential component in my support system.

I'm happy for her, she's moving her family to Houston to look for a better life, but we will really miss her.

Next week, Katrina gets a new teacher too. I'll be SO sad not to chat with Miss Jennifer anymore, she is so sweet and funny. But I'm happy to have Miss Amanda again for pre-K, and she won't accept Katrina's refusal to try things! Poor Miss Amanda, she was calibrated by Julian, who though he did his work slowly, was a willing and capable student. Katrina could be a terrific student if she dropped the 'tude. Good luck with that one, Miss Amanda.

Happy Trails, Nichole!

7/27/2010

7/26/2010 The Reminder

For the most part, Katrina gives me the most headaches around here, primarily due to the mismatch between her age and tantrumy personality.

Remind you of anyone? Gabriel's difficulty been greatly mitigated by maturity, but everrrrry so often, we're reminded again who we're dealing with.

I can't even remember how it started -- something about having to be told numerous times to come inside and get ready for swim lesson. As he was putting his bicycle away, with me angrily standing over him, I commented to be careful with the handlebar in a tight area, I didn't want to get whacked by it. "That's YOUR problem," he retorted.

I look right in his face and inform him that he may never speak to any grownup that way, even me, but he isn't in the least bit intimidated, let alone remorseful. His rude responses make me raise the bar, and it keeps getting worse, with numerous interruptions and natural graceful exits when I have to pay attention to the other two.

Still, there was plenty of opportunity for offenses. A few minutes later at dinner, he held up his fist in an apparent threat to punch, but then claimed he was actually just threatening to throw a piece of hot dog at me. I'm leaving out a lot, but the last interaction was my warning him that ONE more rudeness and he'd go straight to bed after swim lesson.

Swim lesson changed the venue and all was forgotten, even my internal smoldering (mostly because of a bowel emergency of Julian's that required a lot of attention).

But after PJs and past bedtime, Gabriel came down to ask for dessert. Dave right away said it was too late, and I followed up with that sometimes, I'll make exceptions, but not on a day that he was SO rude to me. Big mistake. Once again, the fist went up. Dave asked him what that was really for, and he said without any fear that that's how you punch someone.

That's when the trouble really started. I stayed out of the major escalation, but it involved Dave implementing one serious consequence after another, with Gabriel reacting with yet more rudeness, defiance, threats and violence. I stepped in to play Good Cop when he was on his bed, though he was again in an aggressive stance and hurling threats.

He was so angry, yet still so defiant. Now his focus had shifted to his lost items -- all his money, his electronics lab, his Nerf gun, and numerous other favorite toys. Yet he still wouldn't back down. I sensed that now he was ready to get out of his tizzy but didn't know how.

So I talked to him. I told him I knew how he felt with being really angry, and that it's OK to feel angry. I suggested he punch his pillow, and talked to him about finding ways to feel better -- just a little teensy bit better. I distracted him by asking if he knew what a vortex is, and described a vortex in terms of a huge sinking ship, like the Titanic. I told him that it takes a long time to learn how to make things better for yourself, knowing that he was still completely focused on his lost things and not on my philosophy lesson. His reactions were all with gritted teeth and angry tones, but finally I heard a quiver in his voice. He was calming down not so much from my words, but from hearing me talk. I left when he started to escalate again, ready for Round Two and starting to demand his things back, but most of the storm had blown over.

My son. How can I guide this powerful personality?

He becomes so blinded with rage, so focused on what's lost that he makes things so much worse for himself. I remember SO well as a kid feeling completely overcome with outrage at the injustice, feeling like I was going to go CRAZY and that there was no way out. I hated feeling so helpless. It takes years to learn sunk cost, how to accept and grieve what can't be changed, how to make the best of situations, how to move on. I'm so much better at managing emotions and frustration now (believe it or not), I have outlets and coping strategies and recognize self-destructive tendencies. And I'm still a rank amateur.

It is SO hard to watch my son tear himself -- and everything else around him -- apart while he is in the throes of anger and helplessness. Talking to him tonight did finally help pull him out, but that's never a given. Quite often my attempts to talk him off the ledge only backfire and re-escalate. It absolutely doesn't work until he's on the downhill side of the arc and is out of ideas. Even then, like tonight, sometimes it just gives him a breather to regroup, and he's ready to resume the fight anew.

Most of learning how to cope with these feelings will be up to him, but I hope so strongly I can still guide him and help him somehow in the meantime. Whatever I've learned in my several decades -- and still am learning -- just doesn't apply to an 8-year-old. He doesn't want my wisdom, he wants his Nerf gun back.

But I'm hardly a model to follow. Dave spent some frustrating time tonight trying to fix a bifold door whose hardware got bent when it was closed improperly. Er, that would be, slammed in anger. And he's got me to teach him?

Heaven help the world when teenage hormones flood in and drown whatever tenuous influence I might have on this 46-pound fortress.

7/26/2010

7/25/2010 Talking Carl

How difficult is it to get family photos? Normally impossible, but EASY if you have Uncle Ryan -- and Talking Carl! Check this out! Not just one good photo in which maybe one person isn't quite right, but many great photos. Even Dave is smiling!










What's the secret? A goofy iPhone app of a piece of talking red toast that echos back everything you say. This had everyone laughing -- even Dave -- and focused our attention, and let us get some rare great photos of all 5 of us.


We have the best time this weekend with the best in-laws. What a great visit!


A lot of work to do tonight getting ready for cleaners, daycare and work tomorrow, but that's OK. After such a joyful weekend, the week will be just fine.

7/25/2010

7/24/2010 Visiting!

Hi all -- busy, full weekend, my favorite kind! I went running this morning while Dave, Ryan, Laura and 3 kids went out to breakfast and later, miniature golf. Then it was hanging at home and watching some of Avatar until swim lesson. Ryan's been playing outside with the boys with their Nerf guns and baseball for hours. Then Ryan's Mom came to visit. That was a lot of fun; Julian showed her and Laura how to play some new card game. We had a great dinner again (Ryan made a phenomenal salmon), dessert, more talk and hanging, the rest of Avatar....just the way we like it! And we get more tomorrow.

Oddly one thing that hasn't been happening is photos. Partly my poor camera has had about its limit of abuse and is about to break open, and partly I've just been too busy or too lazy when the time should have been right. But with Ryan here (a professional photographer) I'm hoping we can get a photo of our family of 5, and also one of me and Laura, and maybe even all of us somehow. If not, well, that's OK. There will definitely be more opportunities.

7/24/2010

7/22/2010 In-laws

Laura and Ryan are here!!! I'm delighted with how well Laura is doing -- she's still totally Laura with a few mechanical challenges, but LAURA is here! One never knows to expect when someone you love so much undergoes a brain bypass. But she's here. Thank goodness. We made dinner, drank, played with kids a little, and chatted well into the evening. Dave and I have to go to work tomorrow, but to tell the truth, I'm there for appearances, since my mind will be elsewhere!

7/22/2010

7/21/2010 Cooking along

I snuck out of work early today, so I could do some grocery-shopping before picking up kids. Not just regular grocery-shopping either, but to fulfill a gourmet menu I have planned for Laura and Ryan's upcoming visit tomorrow! I'm so happy, I can't wait to see them. I haven't seen Laura since her stroke and surgery, so I'm super anxious to see her.

It's a tough call who I love to cook with the most: Laura or Mom. It's a call I'm lucky enough to have, and one I'm even luckier enough not to truly have to make. (The ultimate moment would be with them together, and I think we did once many years ago, before I turned into a foodie -- or really, moreso a cook-ie!)

I don't know yet if Laura will be up to cooking together, but I certainly can't pass up this opportunity to make new great stuff, so I'm preparing some things ahead of time. I don't want anyone to have to lift a finger, or go any further than the wine cabinet for the whole weekend.

Naturally, I've planned a week's worth of ideas for just a few days' visit, but alas, I can't help it. As always, I have less time than I think, so I wasn't able to pre-make my blueberry pie bites (or a strawberry substitute I just found that I must try), or do prep work for some wonderful roasted fennel with gorgonzola appetizers, but at least I got the awesome boeuf bourgignon done. Gabriel was with me when I set a cup of cognac ablaze in the pot, and together we cheered while the flames roared. And Julian was delighted to hear about the yogurt mediterranean salad, with cucumber and tomatoes: "that's for me!" he declared.

It's funny that I haven't posted to my food blog in almost a year, yet I've cooked and baked more in the last year than I have in my whole life. Slightly related, I'm also finding more and more fault with my new kitchen, mostly in that the fridge is too far from the sink. This wasn't an oversight; I had a careful plan for the prep area relative to the fridge. Trouble is, it's almost impossible to know what part of the kitchen you'll be drawn to until you're actually in it. Indeed, up until the very moment you reach for that first stick of butter, the plan seems perfect -- but then, as soon as you look for the knife to cut the butter, the plate to put the butter stick on, the bowl into which the slice of butter will go, and the sink that all that stuff will land in in the end, the fallacy in the plan roars in. Overall my kitchen works well, but it really is too spread out.

Not that my double-wide kitchen should stop me food-blogging, but it's interesting that I food-blogged a lot more when I had far far worse kitchens.

Now, spinach carbonara or shrimp bisque tomorrow? Another great dilemma to have. But first, I must make sure to have the goat-cheese salmon dill appetizer ready for their arrival.

7/21/2010

7/20/2010 The parking lot

Today and yesterday, I watched three parents park at the CDC, pull their toddler out of the car, and then walk across the parking lot to the building -- with their kid 5-15 feet behind them. Sometimes the kid kept up, other times the kid stopped, as kids are wont to do, went around in various directions, and then darted across to catch up to the parent.

Meantime, Katrina is strapped into the car, with all the windows open, in the shade, in sight and well within shouting distance. I watch her through the CDC window, or wait outside if the boys have to clean up toys. She's calm and in no danger of being hit by a car.

But these toddlers who are left to cross a parking lot freeform are removed from their parents' car in the interest of safety. Not only is what other parents do legal, but it's claimed to be preferred. What I do is technically illegal, as Katrina is under the age of ... I forget, 6? Of course, I learned long ago as a motorcyclist not to confuse law with safety.

One could argue that the best of both worlds is that the toddler is not left in the car, but also is not left to wander across a parking lot on their own either. Certainly convenience plays a role in my decision to leave Katrina in the car, but more starkly, convenience completely drives parents' decisions not to insist their toddlers hold hands. I know alllll too well how incredibly inconvenient it is to insist on proper behavior with a toddler, which is why I opt out whenever possible.

All in all, I still think my convenience choice is the safer one. The odds of a toddler being struck by a car in a parking lot far, far, far outweigh the odds of a stranger kidnapping. But I seriously doubt the school administrator and principal who chewed me out for leaving Katrina in the car would scold a parent for letting their toddler bumble across a parking lot on their own. If nothing else, there are just too many of them.

Nope, there's no doubt about it. Leaving her in the car is safer and more convenient, since I absolutely will not allow her to enter any parking lot without holding hands. I still insist on this from the boys in fact.

And so ends the indignant rationalization (or is that rant?) of the day.

7/20/2010

7/19/2010 Rainbow Ribbon

MORE swim news! Aside from the fact that I forgot about lessons tonight until we got home -- a little late for the mad scramble, but pulled it off and got everyone to their lesson on time. Good thing -- Gabriel had a private lesson, Julian had his second first "red ribbon" class (that is, first on Mondays, new teacher), and Katrina had a teacher she's had since she started. Which by now makes her something of an old-timer.

And today that experience paid off -- she got promoted to the "rainbow ribbon" level today. It's not hard at this stage; I think all it means is that they don't cry in class three times in a row. Still, she was very happy about the ribbon.

More significantly, she put her face in the water again today, a huge step for her.

Julian again did great in his new class, smiling and listening and really working again. But I was dismayed to see the teacher doing an exercise in which the kids hold her arm and she pulls them through the water while they kick. What about swimming for Pete's sake?! Still, overall, after he's picked up a sink ring, or has dived in, he makes his way the few feet to the side of the pool on his own. It's not swimming, but it's not drowning either.

Gabriel, to my delight, actually did swim. He used to take a few strokes, then stop and tread water, put his feet down if he could, or generally make a good impression of drowning, make a dash for the side of the pool, resume a few strokes and repeat the whole cycle. Today no one else in his class showed up, so he had a private lesson and he had to work at it. He saw the whole length of his lane that he could, and didn't appear to need to stop. Great! Unfortunately, he's the one who's dropping his lesson come August.

But I have other ideas too. I ran into my "butterfly buddy*" when I went swimming yesterday, and she told me that during winter, she keeps her 5-year-old daughter tuned up by giving her a private lesson roughly once a month -- that's just enough to keep it on her radar and not have her starting afresh come summer. That's a great idea, for the boys anyway. Maybe next year summer won't creep up on us with rusty swimming.

7/19/2010

* a woman I met in the pool when we encouraged each other to do a 50-meter length of butterfly, and I've run into her there twice since.

7/18/2010 The Caterpillar

Today I was doing some plant-trimming, dead-heading and weeding, and came across a caterpillar on a geranium plant. I called Gabriel right away, hoping this would help relieve his ongoing grief at the loss of his silkworm "Scissors." (And it was a way of transitioning from a morning-long crisis of Gabriel being sent to his room and losing toys and allowance for pushing Julian down the stairs.)

Sure enough, Gabriel was fascinated and excited by the creature. He greeted it tenderly with, "Hello, friend," and then studied it carefully for a long time.


The caterpillar then served to defuse a huge Katrina tantrum too. Dave took Katrina and Julian to a closeby park to practice two-wheeling, which Katrina soon lost interest in. While Julian pedaled around, Dave watched her play on a little playground for a while, but she was furious when it was time to go home. I could hear her screaming as soon as they had rounded the block.

So Gabriel showed her the caterpillar to distract her, which, unlike with him when he was her age, actually worked.


Gabriel supposed it was a silkworm too, but I don't think so. This photo doesn't quite capture it, but it appears to have iridescent dark-blue "eyes."

(Anyone have any idea what this is? I suspect it's pretty ordinary.)

I hadn't expected this about having landscaping and plants -- dare I even call them "gardens." It's a lot of fun walking around and seeing what's bloomed lately, what's changed, what's growing and what isn't. And even finding wildlife too.

7/18/2010