I've been sick all weekend, except today mostly due to tons and tons of sleep and rest after we got home yesterday. I wasn't so sick as to miss an airshow -- I liked the distraction, even if I had to blow my nose every 5 minutes.
I don't have time to write a lot -- busy night for us after a busy day getting rid of things in the garage (YAYAYAYAAYAYYYYY), then swimming on a hot afternoon with friends. Full writeup of the airshow later, but a few teasers here.
On their way to my favorite plane, the C-17. Unfortunately one crashed a few weeks ago rehearsing for an airshow, so they're grounded for demos right now. But we did get to walk in and get up to the flight deck. I talked to the same pilot who'd flown it at the airshow at Edwards last October! Coool!
I was really psyched to see this lovely B-25 fly -- a new restoration after 18 years of work, and then get a very quick chance to climb up into the cockpit. This is the land-based plane that flew off the USS Hornet in the Doolittle Raid, our first attack on Japan after Pearl Harbor.
We saw a lot of great stunt flying, including by two women and a 20-year-old man. Katrina's favorite was the "shark plane."
My favorite is always the C-17, but I was thrilled to be buzzed by an F-18. It came in SO fast that you couldn't hear it at first -- it was already past us by the time its tremendous jet boom sound caught up and nearly flattened the crowd. Truly eerie to see a plan go by so fast and so silently -- at first. "Outrunning its sound" is how they described it. Not bad for a Navy plane.
Busy morning tomorrow, Dave has an 8am meeting, we have cleaners coming, and I have a ton of work to do. We talked to the boys sternly tonight: NO TOYS in the morning AT ALL. Get up and get dressed and go downstairs. NO TOYS. I hate saying that, but our labor starts tomorrow, the day after Labor Day.
I've been looking into some sort of backyard play structure to give the kids a consistent thing to do outside. At first I looked at Craigslist and Costco, but our funky-shaped yard really needs something made to fit into it. I've been to Kiddie World and Rainbow Play Structures, and both have things that would work for us, though I've really been hesitating about the price and about taking over the entire backyard.
Today we all went to Rainbow play structures so that Dave could see (I'd been there myself), and to bring the kids too. It's often instructive to see what the kids are attracted to, though it doesn't say much about what they'll like playing with later.
This is what the kids most of the time we were talking to the salesguy about play structures.
So we asked about the trampolines, and the more we talked about it, the more we both like the idea. Trampolines can be moved -- not easily, it'd take two people, but they can be moved. And removed more easily than a play structure. Modern trampolines don't have those springs that cause most trampoline injuries. This one is permeable, so water and sunlight get through, so any lawn underneath has some prayer of survival (a minor concern really). You can get accessories like a foam snowboard to practice flips (!) and a basketball hoop. The guy said kids even have outdoor sleepovers on trampolines, they make a good sleeping surface. A trampoline might have more longevity -- Gabriel will outgrow swings in a few years, but even teenagers like trampolines. Swings and slides can be found at all playgrounds, including at school, but trampolines aren't.
So now we're thinking about a trampoline instead of a play structure. It's uglier and seems more special-purpose, but kids flock to them when given the choice over a play structure. Hmm.
As always, leaving the party (it was just an indoor showroom after all, not a playground) is challenging. Katrina was outraged.
I'm happy to say these tantrums are far less frequent now, and usually less intense too.
A very very lazy day for us, other than our play structure shopping, and a short swim for me this morning. I'm still not feeling great, which was our primary reason for not doing today what we will do tomorrow: The Watsonville Fly-In and Airshow!
Our sons are really getting out of control. Rudeness and resistance and not-listening (modern-speak for "disobeying"). It's becoming unbearable. Dave picked them up at the CDC today and found them each sitting alone at a separate table, with the rest of the kids in a group playing together, both on timeout.
Getting them to get ready in the morning is a painful exercise in irritation, being ignored, and them screaming and shouting when any consequence is carried out. Gabriel raises his fist and Julian throws himself in the floor in a dramatic display of how put upon he is. Then it starts all over again when they get home from school and have to put their lunches and knapsacks away.
I do love having two boys, but this week the one girl has been far, far more rewarding. In fact Katrina has been delightful and pleasant and charming -- as she always is, but without the tantrums masking it.
I was home sick today, but ended up working harder than I ever do at work, because of the lack of interruption. Until our noisy obnoxious boys got home that is. Now I know where the boarding school concept came from!
Our elementary school had a back-to-school night tonight. This means all 3 kids went to the CDC (for a special after-hours care for the occasion), while Dave went to Gabriel's 3rd-grade classroom and I went to Julian's 1st-grade classroom.
I like Julian's new teacher, and I think I'm going to like first grade better this time around. Mostly because we're used to it now, but I also like the emphasis the teacher places on writing. The kids write in a journal every day for 20 minutes, and later in the school year they'll each read from their journal. That's the "show and tell." Parents' questions were about what the math curriculum is, and what they'll learn in the tech lab -- this is Silicon Valley of course -- but overall I've always been impressed that the teachers don't really cave to that.
And this first grade has a weekly homework packet, instead of every day. YAY. That will definitely simplify life. In 3rd grade, if the kids don't turn in their homework, they miss recess to work on it. Double YAY. Some actual real consequences and reasons for the kids to make choices themselves.
Julian's teacher told me he's having some trouble with writing with his cast, but she found as I did that most of the trouble is with his complaining and not really trying. This makes it hard to see what his actual limitations are, but I think we'll get past this soon. It seems this injured wrist incident has kicked off a hypochondriac phase.
Gabriel's teacher told me that he's having trouble staying awake in class?! Low energy -- she's been making sure he eats something at snacktime, and he dozes off during math time. Low energy, Gabriel? I assured her we get him to bed on time (we aim for lights-off at 8pm, it's usually later but not much), but he gets up really early. Very strange, he doesn't act sleepy at all at home on weekends.
Julian got his cast today, but that wasn't the biggest event.
This morning, he tripped and fell on his way into the CDC, and bonked his head good. So he started off the day with a massive goose egg on his forehead. This kid is by far the most accident-prone of the three.
Then Dave and I both got calls from the school around 9:30. Julian was complaining about his head and a lump in his throat, and got himself sent to the office. I was in the world's most annoying and consuming meeting at the time and didn't get the message, but Dave did.
Dave went to the school with skepticism, knowing that a head-bonk doesn't mean he has to leave class. When he arrived to pick up Julian, Dave told Julian he'd take him right to the doctor. "Wait, Dad!" Julian tugged on him, then motioned to whisper in his ear, "I forgot to put on underpants today!"
So that was the reason!!
Dave had to bring him home and check him out though, and I suggested he try to get the cast done today too. But Julian was just fine, wanting to work on science experiments and drinking without any problem (despite his supposedly lumpy throat), and after some time Dave said "this is silly" and brought Julian back to school.
Dave's efforts in making an appointment with the orthopedist paid off though, and they got a 3:00 appointment for a proper cast. We asked for a waterproof cast, which is one that can get wet and that itches can be addressed by pouring water down the cast. It comes in colors, but when "gold" wasn't available, Julian opted for white.
Buckle fractures, I've learned from some basic Googling, are very common in children and relatively minor. They happen because children's bones are softer, and it's really just a compression of the bone, with no angulation -- that is, not a real break. A large percentage of kids' fractures occur in the forearm, and a large percentage of those occur in the wrist, and are simple buckle fractures.
This makes me very, very glad we saw a pediatrician, who said that many doctors miss these fractures because the usual symptoms aren't present in buckle fractures. She recognized it right away, minutes after the nurse who weighed Julian (44 lbs) commented that it probably wasn't a fracture because of the normal way he swung his arm as he walked. Buckle fractures heal more quickly than other fractures too.
They're so minor and common that there's even controversy about whether or not they need a real cast. A splint could probably address it, but kids tend to remove splints if they're removable. Other than the cast removal, casts are actually very convenient and easy to live with.
It was a struggle getting him to finish some of his schoolwork tonight; he was fussing and complaining about not being able to write, but he wasn't trying. I wanted to see what his real impediments were, and if we could address them somehow (e.g. a pillow to elevate his elbow). As soon as he really tried, it was clear that he can learn how to write if he practices. In a few days, he won't even notice he has the cast. Until he figures out what a great built-in weapon it is, that is.
No photos today; it was a very very hectic afternoon and day. Not as hectic as this morning, which was apparently so hectic that even underwear as forgotten!
Some days I wish I were juuust sick enough to stay home, but not sick enough to be bedridden and not get anything done. So much piles up on me during the week that can only get done during the day that I just need a day to get them done.
Thanks to Julian, I got that day today. Or half of it.
I spent the morning watching him carefully and holding my hands behind my back, making him do everything for himself with his left hand, with some help from his fingers on his right hand. It's hard not to help him, but it was important to see how he can maneuver and adapt to the impairment of his dominant hand. Overall he can function quite well, and he's really game about it too, no whining or complaining. The only thing he couldn't do is snap his pants, so I gave him some sweatpant-cutoff-shorts to wear.
I took the boys to school and talked to the CDC first. Partly about his arm, but also about bills, a camp day coming up, back-to-school night, homework club. Whew. Dropped our PTA donation off at the school office, which is always closed when I'm at school.
Then I went to wait with Julian in front of his class to talk to his teacher, and had to shoo Gabriel away. Unfortunately, their classes are right in sight of each other and the temptation to pester each other before class is powerful. I did catch Julian's teacher and chatted with her briefly about his new handicap. She thanked me for letting her know and said if he really can't write, then she'd let him dictate to her. He can sort of write, but it's not easy. Erasing is impossible.
Next, deposit a check in the bank (the old-fashioned way). Trip to Target to buy sweatpants for Julian (and Gabriel while I was there). Home to make a zillion phone calls: 3 doctor's appointments for me, another doctor for a prescription refill, reschedule our cleaners from Labor Day, call Julian's pediatrician, call two financial institutions with questions, send email to our landscaper about a few dead plants, compose and send an inquiry about a weekend nanny, answer a few lingering emails about parties, check availability for gymnastics parties.
Yay! A tiny bit of catching up! This never happens! Personal phone calls at work have to happen on my crackly cell phone in my car, when I don't have access to a computer, and it's a serious pain. I don't send much email from work; I don't have time, I don't have all the information I need that's at home. And, it's unseemly for my boss's boss to walk in my cube and catch me not working.
All I missed at work today was a long boring all-hands meeting. An important enough meeting that the company reserved a conference room at the Embassy Suites, and my poor beleaguered manager had to call everyone in my group on their cell phones to make sure they attended (handily, I don't carry a cell phone). In general, engineers love all-hands meetings; it means it's quiet in the office and you get concentrated work done as everyone else fidgets and yawns while the execs ramble on. But no less dull for its import.
And I had a GREAT reason to miss it -- I had to take care of my son with the fractured wrist. If a few extra errands sneak in there too, so much the better. If I get months' worth of errands done in one morning, REALLY better!
This morning, the boys got up early and were engaged in these unusually innocent shenanigans: some sort of combination of song and rapping. Julian's hard to hear, but actually he's pretty good at making up rhymes! (His grin and the rhyme "late pass" give a good clue as to what non-kid-word he was rhyming with.)
They were up doing this together for at least half an hour before I reluctantly had to put the kibosh on it. Time to get dressed for school, dudes.
Today when I picked the boys up from the CDC, they ran outside and Julian tripped over a curb and fell. A perfectly normal fall, benign, landed soft...but boy did he make a fuss over his arm. The same one that he'd fallen on on Saturday, and that he'd been complaining about on and off. The same one that in the video above, he's using to handle Legos and moves around quite naturally and normally.
It's been over 48 hours since the fall, and the intensity of his complaint made it clear it needed to be seen. I called Dave and said "Plan change!"
Dave came home early and took Katrina to her last (yay) swim lesson while I took Julian to an Urgent Care center, one that actually has a pediatric unit and is open late. We had to wait a while, but the nice young doctor poked his arm a little and observed how he responded. "Might be a buckle fracture," she said right away, and explained that many kids can still use their arms pretty well but it's very sensitive in one place. She called for an X-ray.
Sure enough -- buckle fracture on the ulna and radius (two places), in his right wrist.
Not serious, but it is a fracture, it is very sensitive and needs to be casted. He got a temporary splint tonight, and will see an orthopedic hand doctor in a few days for a real cast.
In the same month, Julian's broken our no-emergency record twice with stitches and a cast. One happened on August 03 and the other on August 30 (somehow he managed to escape Friday the 13th). Can we make it to September without another injury please?
Another strange day for me. I was wired from not sleeping well, and the kids woke us up early -- so I went out running! Despite being way overtired and having a bad headache, I had one of the best runs I've had in many weeks. Nervous energy I guess. I crashed hard later though.
It seems it's so hard for us to catch up on things that need to be done around here -- we still have moving boxes in the garage that haven't been unpacked! But today my goal was to go through the landscaping -- trimming trees, cutting out dead flowers, pulling weeds. I'd asked Dave to get a lawn cart to make this job easier, and what he found borders on a toy. Perfect to attract a helper!
I gave Katrina her own pair of gloves, and she made wonderful company. She pulled the cart for me and put clippings in the cart. Later she found her own rake and helped me pick up mimosa flowers from the sidewalk. She was great company, chatting happily and just seeming so happy to be outside and doing the simplest thing together. And I was very very happy to have her with me.
She's been really easy lately. When she sheds the black cloak of the the tantrum, a charming delightful funny little girl is found within. She's overall so much more cooperative than her brothers, and lives for more than killing each other as they do. Her joy and enthusiasm for just being outside, taking delight in every new discovery, is infectious.
And for me, having the happy company of a child turns a borderline chore into a fun and rewarding afternoon outside.
Dave and I had planned to split childcare since Katrina's preschool was closed, but I ended up staying home the morning I was supposed to go to work. Partly, I'd had a horrible night being woken up out of sound sleep by a painful crampy tummy and sprints to the bathroom, and partly my windpipe was tightening up with the rumblings of my usual bronchitis.
So I stayed home in the morning, with Dave and Katrina there as planned, but I still had to work, including an intense conference call that drained me. Dave and I were both able to get substantial work done with our delightful little girl around -- she's amazingly easy when there are no brothers around. She plays and sings to herself happily for a long, long time, and cooperative if we ask her to do something. I found it a little distracting on my conference call because I wanted to just listen to her talk out her little stories to herself.
Dave went to work when I was done with the call, but instead of resting (and I could have with Katrina there), I ended up working some more. After giving Katrina lunch, I took her with me into work, to "plug in an orange string" as I explained to Katrina (move a fiber-optic cable from one port to another on a piece of test equipment). On the way home, she and I checked out another play-structure company, and I found another option that could work in our grownup yard. I'm having a hard time parting with the numerous 0s this will take though.
But I was really wiped out. Headache, losing my voice, very unstable intestines. As soon as Dave got home from work, I did the bare minimum to make the appearances of caring for my family, found some pharmaceuticals, and went right upstairs to lie down for the rest of the evening.
First, I intercepted Dave reading to Katrina...or rather, Katrina's "KittyKat" reading to Dave. Hard to tell in this video, it's a little easier in the 2nd half, but Katrina is doing some combination of recognizing the word (this is a book she knows, but not well), and remembering it after she sees the first letter. She knows about sounding out words and does that sometimes too, though not here.
She's on her way!
And lucky me, we'd just gotten The Bourne Identity from Netflix. Not usually my kind of movie, but I'd caught a snippet of it on TV and wanted to see the whole thing. I'm finding myself hooked on a series of new TV shows on the USA network: Burn Notice, Royal Pains, White Collar and Covert Affairs. Except for Royal Pains (which is mostly cute and funny), the others are all spy-sort of mystery shows.
So The Bourne Identity is right up my new alley. I like seeing how resourceful and clever these spy-like characters are, and I like Matt Damon. So, I mostly lay flat in bed all evening and watched the movie. Dave wasn't watching it at first, but he can't resist a car-chase scene that involves a Mini!
This morning wasn't much better. First, I had to jump-start my voice; it was blocked to a whisper until it was warmed up enough. The headache persisted, and I was really really tired from my super-duper cough medicine. I got up the latest possible that I could and still get all 3 kids to a birthday party on time, which I didn't, we were late, but we were there.
This was a fun swim party. Chilly at 10am, but the water was warm and once the kids were in, they had a great time. I'm happy to say that I didn't have to stay RIGHT next to Katrina the whole time. Arguably I was negligent by standing at the sidelines and watching her from a distance, but now she won't just dunk herself and not know enough to stand up, as was the case just a few months ago. She was very cautious and stuck to the sides. I was in a swimsuit and ready to dive in after her if need be, but I didn't feel the need to sit at the poolside and watch her like a hawk.
In fact, all the parents hung around on the side at a distance, and no one was wearing swimsuits (one Dad went in to play though) -- a far cry from the old days when we all had to be in suits and sit in the pool ourselves and hang onto our toddlers. This is definitely better.
After the swimming, we went to a small play structure next to the pool, more a younger-kid thing, but with enough slides and steps and things to climb on to interest this group of mostly 5-6-year-olds. I was chatting with some friends with my back to the play structure when I heard a collective gasp, and turned around to see a child crumpled on the ground.
It took a few moments to realize it was one of mine, and that he was yelling. My friends who'd seen it said Julian had gone right over a slide and landed headfirst on the bouncy plastic covering, but he was complaining about his arm. He never cried exactly, but said his arm really hurt. He could move it and bend it and wiggle his fingers, so I didn't really think anything was wrong. He said it really hurt though.
On the drive home, he complained again and again about his arm, saying that if anyone touched it, it hurt. Gabriel was surprisingly concerned, giving me updates every few seconds. When we got home, I brought Julian upstairs, gave him some ibuprofen, and got him to lie down in bed. I noticed a very natural arm swing, an unconscious nose scratch, and general normal motion, so I wasn't worried. I told him to rest for a while, let his body figure out what it needed, and then we'd take care of it. Gabriel kept asking about Urgent Care, but I told him we'd wait.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Julian was up and shouting at Gabriel about some or other offense related to a toy. When I got up from a cold dead nap myself, he was fine and it was all forgotten. He'd gotten a big jolt going headfirst over the top of a slide, and falling about 5 feet, but nothing major.
Me on the other hand...I never got going today. I did absolutely nothing except shuffle around and consider my woes. Headache. Super sleepy feeling. Tightness in my windpipe that causes my voice to go in and out. No energy. No desire to exercise. Just a complete, hopeless, useless slug.
Completely busy today at work, and not feeling so well either. And needed to work tonight to prepare for a conference call tomorrow. Which is ironic because when I don't feel well like this (cold-like), it often goes straight to my voice and the one thing I really don't like to do is talk on the phone. Today could well be a Monday and I wouldn't know the difference.
I totally deserve it....just finalized Dad's Medicaid application, including scanning all ***54*** pages (actually that's leaving out some pages in long legal docs like PoAs). This is a HUGE to-do crossed off!
Getting home from work with all three after school is still very tough, but made SO SO SO much easier by Gabriel's "homework time" at the CDC. It's not so much the homework itself, but all the time I don't have to spend chasing him down, cajoling, reminding, warning, peeling him off of Julian, trying to distract Katrina away from him....it's SO SO SO much work just *getting* him to DO it. Seems having the entire group doing it at the same time makes all the difference. I am eternally grateful to the CDC for taking this stone out of my backpack.
And now, I'll go replenish some of that weight with a worthy cause: cheesecake!
There's a whole new set of staff at the CDC, all of who I'm very relieved to say I really like. One girl who seems to be in more charge than the others, I chatted with on the first day. Katrina happily told her "after I'm done with pre-K, then I'm coming here!" All the staff universally loves the idea of all 3 kids together -- or rather, of Katrina being there, perhaps to defuse the boys.
I told the girl that I highly recommended as much separation of the boys as possible, as they can really get active together. "Don't worry, we can handle it," she assured me. Then they started their usual shoving and messing around, and she laughed and said, "that's fine, we're used to this."
Today when I picked the boys up, the same girl looked traumatized. "This morning...." she started, "Oh my gosh. Your husband was already really mad at them, and they just didn't quit when they got here!" She seemed genuinely rattled. "It's so early in the morning, and they are all over each other, nonstop!" I didn't have the heart to say "yeah sorry....told ya." She gathered herself and continued, "So we just try to keep them apart as much as possible." Uh-huh. I TOTALLY agree.
One glorious moment came when I asked Gabriel about homework in the car on the way home, and he said (oh it gives me such joy to experience this moment again): "I already did it, Mom."
HE ALREADY DID IT!!
That's because there's now "homework time" for the older kids. The 3rd-graders and up spend most of the afternoon in a different building, away from the K-2s. AND, apparently, they get their homework done there. YIPPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! This made a really noticeable difference in our evening, in not having to bug Gabriel. If this keeps up it will be a huge improvement in our lives.
Julian's first assignment is -- get this -- to write a story about himself. His preferences, hobbies, pets, things he did this summer. Parents are supposed to help of course, but this isn't a matter of collecting popsicle sticks. By the very nature of writing, it should be done on your own, or the "help" you get is pretty much doing it. I think this is a pretty advanced assignment for brand-new first graders!
I gave Julian ideas, talked with him about things he did. I pretty much came up with the ideas ("what about T-ball?"), he said the sentence, and then I spelled the words for him while he wrote them down. This took some concentrated time, which was challenging while I was making dinner, nuding Gabriel to get on with his reading, and having to run upstairs to get a dress for Katrina. But we got it done. Seems like these days we get a lot of things done, but just barely.
For now, we're paying for morning CDC care to drop them off at 8am (40 minutes before school starts), so that we can avoid traffic and get a slightly earlier start on our day. Me the firm night person, the morning-hater, is getting to work at 7:50am these days -- and still working on nuding that earlier. Two of my coworkers also get to work that early too -- but after getting up at 5am and exercising first!!! URHGHGHLLLL!!
Traffic has been really bad since school started, so I need to leave work AT 4:30 on the dot, which really means I need to arrive at to work at 7:30 in the morning if I'm to fit in any exercise into my life. (Incredibly I forced myself to go running at lunch, and regretted it until I was done. It was borderline dangerously hot.)
It's a miracle I even get anyone's fingernails trimmed.
As far as I'm concerned, summer is over. School started, days are getting shorter -- we're done. It's been a very very cool and overcast-morning summer anyway.
Until today. Suddenly today, summer weather kicked in. It's HOT! What the heck happened?! Summer, where were you?!
Of course, this is one of the most wonderful things about living here in the Bay Area. I moved to California expecting to escape winter, but found that you still can't go surfing after work in January because it still gets dark early. But summers -- ahhhh, no humidity, no bugs, no stickiness, no oppressive nights. It's actually too cold for me in summers here, but we do enjoy great comfort in July and August as compared to our East Coast counterparts (provided you stay out of San Francisco that is).
But, I'm still done. Winter, dark, rain -- bring it on.
Katrina in her "Super Cute" shirt from Bonne Maman -- she loves it. I went down unusually early for a Sunday to work on some cinnamon rolls, and Katrina joined me. She's great company, chatting happily and asking questions and always being so happy about the answer.
Then she wanted to make scrambled eggs with me. OK, she's not too young! I took her through every step, up to the mixing, which she did a very good job of. That was a nice start to the day. I just love baking and cooking with kids.
Then we went to Kiddie World to check out playstructures -- can we fit one in our grownup yard now? Sort of. They're not cheap though, so a little due diligence with competitors is called for.
Being a single parent this weekend, somehow I felt extra pressure to be a Great Mom and do something Really Fun and Extraordinary and Amazing with my children.
Instead, I stayed in bed as long as I could. I didn't even have the energy to gather everyone and everything to get to the Y in time for a workout before the Childwatch closes at 12:30. I did have to get up to give Katrina breakfast at 7:30 -- she was dressed and complained that no one was helping her (often the boys will get her cereal). I got her started and went back to bed until almost 10. I am so glad to be past the baby GETUPNOW phase.
But despite my lack of energy and persistent need for a nap all day, I managed not to be too too negligent. Gabriel and I made French toast together, which he loves to do. I really enjoy the pride he gets from making it himself. I had to reach some things and talk him through all the steps, but he pretty much did all of it, including handling the stovetop flame. This boy will go away to college being an expert French-toast maker!
After a drudgerous but necessary run to Staples for some school supplies, I pulled the ping-pong table out of the garage, and set it up for the first time in our new backyard. I found a perfect spot where both players could be on pavement. The boys had a great time, playing for an hour and a half, without fighting. They even had some rallies going, but they also made up games and laughed a lot. I was very happy to see that.
Meantime Katrina played out front by herself, also for well into an hour and a half, largely because her brothers weren't bugging her. She was walking along the retaining wall, exploring the bushes and plants, sitting on the bench, running her fingers through the tanbark, teetering on the little rock river.
It surprises me to read on Facebook that other moms are enjoying their kids being 8 because they can play on their own so much better now -- this seems to be a common thing, but it's completely out of my world. All three of our kids have been extraordinarily self-entertaining since they were very, very young. Most parents admire this and smile and say "oh that's great!", but I can't even say if it's great or not. It's just how it's always been. We never made it a goal or worked toward developing independence or anything, they just did that. (Could it be that my own dim interest in kids-only activities, the dearth of extra-curriculars, my inability to join their world, played a role in that?)
Anyway, independent or not, one could safely argue I shouldn't let my 3-year-old play out front by herself for so long without supervision, but I did check on her (ok, once), and truth is, that's very normal for her, and us. I didn't go so far as to take a nap while she was out there though.
But neither Katrina nor the boys would have lasted nearly as long outside if it weren't for our new landscaping. There's so much more to do and see and play in; there's shady places and stepping stones and open areas and places to hide, climb, and search for bugs and mushrooms; there's things to dig in and draw on...it's visually rich, it has many textures and levels and colors and curves and angles and is a very appealing place to be. I'm delighted.
In the late afternoon, I trooped them all into the car to drop off a Baba Au Rhum holiday cake I had to try making, then decided I had to capitalize on the capture. If they're all strapped into the car, I'm going to make the most of it! I took them to Michael's, and had a brainstorm as I was parking: it was time to address Julian's adorable moptop.
This turned into haircuts for all three. Just the way I like it: no planning, no waiting. Gabriel's hair was still short from the lice episode, but getting scraggly and uneven around the edges. I wasn't planning on a trim for Katrina, but she asked for it and it's always wise to have a pro even out her bangs after my hacking at them, plus her hair is getting pretty long in the back. And shoulder-length is so cute on her. You can see in photos how pretty her hair is, but it's really glorious in real life. Smooth, swingy, full of body, beautiful multi-colored streaks, super-soft and healthy.
Back at home, the park play continued, with all three of them going around with these silly toys of animal heads on sticks with mouths that can open, picking up pieces of tanbark or hanging them from branches. Naturally for the boys these became guns and vehicles of destruction.
Some of the play wasn't so constructive, like when the boys threw tanbark and clumps of dirt onto a patio, which turned into half an hour of them sweeping it up. It'd have been a whole lot easier to put them on time-out than make them sweep, since that created a lot of work for me checking on them every few minutes. You can't leave two boys alone with brooms for long, they become weapons very quickly. But in the end they did a pretty good job.
We didn't do anything Extraordinary or Amazing today, but just being at home, playing, running, imagining -- and even being bored sometimes -- is exactly what everyone needed.
Friday night, we had a milk emergency. One new half-gallon that morning had turned up sour, then a second half-gallon that night. This left us with no milk, a big crisis. With Dave out of town, the only choice was to pack up the troops after dinner and make a run to Trader Joe's. I was absolutely exhausted and not in the mood to go anywhere, but this was urgent.
Fortunately, our closest TJ's has Ricardo. This is a stuffed penguin that gets hidden somewhere around the store for kids to find, and earn themselves some sort of prize if they do. The real prize is for the parents, whose kids are immediately consumed with the search instead of shoving, spinning, running, pinching and drawing aggravated looks from anyone within 30 feet. You have to be OK with the kids being out of sight as they scour the aisles, but you all know me by now -- to me, that's the whole point.
And the boys found Ricardo! They were very excited and happy about it, not even objecting to a TJ's staffer taking a photo of them. The photo gets put up on a wall of friends, next to a drawing of Ricardo. And, they all got lollipops. I really, really hate lollipops. Sticky, can't set them down anywhere, and they immediately expose my parent-scrooginess. I told them all to finish them before we got in the car, because there was no way in hel...in the world those things were getting anywhere near the car. For once, all 3 complied.
It's an astounding drag to get everyone into and out of the car for what should be a quick trip, but Ricardo made it fun. Thanks, Ricardo!
I brought the boys to school today, mostly just to see them off and to have a proud Mom moment -- and then to scoot off quickly for the sake of the teachers. Even first-grade teachers have to deal with some pretty freaked-out parents. Parents were all crowded around Julian's classroom, taking pictures, trying to go in to see their cubbies, reminding them about lunch.
One Dad told me he'd taken the entire week off of work, and had rehearsed his son walking from class to the CDC yesterday, but would pick him up today and tomorrow to take him on the 50-yard trip to the CDC. 99% of me shrugs at this, 1% of me wonders if I'm missing something -- should I be walking Julian to the CDC? I'd told him he had to walk there himself after class, and he said with his wonderful wide-eyed sincere look, "I know, Mom!" And I believe him.
By 3rd grade, things have calmed down, there was a lot less parent-helicoptering going on.
Julian brought home a sheet on which he'd written the 5 class rules today. I smiled at seeing that -- that's clever of the teacher, reinforcing the rules and getting an idea of how the whole class writes.
(As a note on "class rules" -- I like straightforward practical clear rules like "Keep your hands to yourself," but I never like ambiguous fuzzy rules like "Be kind." That's a broader goal in life, and even something as apparently benign as kindness has tradeoffs. I'm not selling my house to feed starving families in Africa, after all. Rules should address actions, not intent. But what do I know about running a room full of 6-year-olds.)
Sometimes it's hard describing to non-parents, or to people who parented my generation, why school is so much work nowadays. Let me give you an example. Both boys came home with "homework" for parents: a Student Emergency Card to fill out for the classroom, a list of missing school supplies, a request to describe your students' likes and dislikes, an enrollment health card for the school office, and a library contract that parents are supposed to review with their kids and sign. Never mind the homework Gabriel had too. It's relentless.
I didn't have much better luck with photos picking up from the CDC this afternoon. Still just 2 out of 3 cooperative. Katrina surprisingly announced to a new CDC teacher: "When I'm done with pre-K, I'm going to CDC!" She's rarely so open with strangers.
Well I can't wait for Friday now -- I can thank school for that.
I took the day off work today and took the boys to the city, as our last-day-before-school hurrah. Our primary mission was to see the Pampanito, a WWII submarine, but we ended up adding a visit to another WWII craft on the same pier, a Liberty ship named the Jeremiah O'Brien. Sub in the foreground, Liberty ship in the distance.
The big cargo boat was almost more fun than the submarine -- certainly more spaces and views than in a submarine. Including a view of the submarine!
The 3" gun at the back (aft?) of the boat was pretty cool. Not toddler-territory to get to.
There were numerous decks and levels (that's the Golden Gate Bridge in the background).
Including a 4-story engine room, with ladders and catwalks all the way down to the bottom of the boat. It was like something out of The Poseidon Adventure. We saw all the San Francisco cliches -- the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf...truth be told, I hated the crowds and traffic and tourist-trapness of the area. I've never liked it around the piers, except for the boats themselves.
After a ridiculously long service at Denny's for a late emergency lunch, we were so late that we drove straight to pick up Katrina at preschool. Then to the boys' school to find out teachers and rooms for tomorrow.
Gabriel keeps belly-aching about school starting tomorrow, and is trying to commiserate with Julian, unsuccessfully: "Isn't the first day of school BOOOOORING?" Julian is trapped between wanting to be "in" with his older brother, but really not minding at all about school starting.
Caught a video of the boys doing their usual messing around. This is sort of cute here, but lemme tell you, it gets SERIOUSLY old when it's at dinner, in stores, while driving, getting ready to leave for somewhere, bedtime, in the kitchen, in the office...everywhere, constantly.
This particular moment is benign, but they often turn to real fighting, with pain and injury and greatly escalated fist-swinging, without a clear turning point. Even Katrina, heard in the background, thought it had turned hostile -- she was only a minute behind, as it inevitably did.
A friend who has two girls assured me yesterday that girls are violent together too. Really, they do this too -- and the drama? I guess that's just kids -- though not all end up with bloody noses from it.
Busy busy night tonight...lunches, filling out CDC forms, making sure everyone has everything ready. And, back to the strict bedtime: 7:30 upstairs, lights off 8:00. I made it by 8:13....we're out of practice (Dave left for St.Louis tonight so I was on my own).
More photos of our outing today later, I had a ton to do tonight and I'm plum outta time!
Not much to say, and no photos -- I should have taken some, but I was busy waitressing. We went out to dinner at the Sonoma Chicken Coop in downtown San Jose tonight with our longtime moto-friends. (One even showed up on a motorcycle -- one that used to be mine in fact.)
This was good -- we ate outside, it's informal (no table service), and with two other girls there in the same generation as our kids (1st and 5th graders), our kids were remarkably calm and well-behaved. In fact, after the initial flurry of getting napkins and drinks and whatever, it was the most peaceful dinner I've had in months!
But those nights are numbered. This was the last Tuesday Night Dinner of the summer. Next week and for many many weeks after that, Tuesdays are "school nights."
For months at work I've been putting off my management, saying that I can't do much until the software package I'm supposed to test and deploy is installed and ready to go. Then I need 6 weeks to test it and figure out how to set it up. That clock started Monday.
I've worked enough years to know that it doesn't matter what I encounter, what setbacks or possible great new ideas come up, or just how bad this package is -- on Sept. 30th, one way or another, I must deliver.
The gun barrel is cold and steely against my temple, piercing into my consciousness at all levels and at all times. In the grand scheme, this software package means absolutely nothing by itself.
But my success at this project means future freedom and latitude, and extraordinary personal growth and accomplishment at pulling something together out of a disjointed dysfunctional set of pieces. I've been handed a pile of scrap, and I need to weld it into art. My challenge isn't so much technical as it is making the best of very little.
So forgive the brevity and mundanity of my upcoming posts, but it's an investment in the future.
We went to an unusual car show Saturday: the Concours De Lemons, whose slogan is "Celebrating the oddball, mundane and truly awful of the automotive world." Classic clunkers and losers and weirdos. Who could resist?
It was about an hour and a half drive, so the kids were ready to run around when we arrived. This low-key event was held in a public park, so there was plenty of running and goofing-around room.
And we were not disappointed. DeLorean, Corvairs, Trabants, a Unimog, an Edsel -- only thing missing was a Yugo. A sense of humor seemed to be the only requirement for entering a car.
Signs grouped cars by country of origin, usually humorously.
Near the parking lot was a terrific climbing tree, it was hard to peel the kids off it.
This is about as ideal an outing as it gets for the Doudna family -- informal, low-ley, outdoors, related to vehicles -- we all had a great time!
That was yesterday....Dave had to work today, so I didn't do much with the kids today away from home. I did use the movie Star Wars as an incentive to get the whole house picked up and all their laundry done, folded and put away (cleaners are coming tomorrow). They know Star Wars from books, cards, a few video games -- but they don't know the original movie. And the time for them to learn it coincided perfectly with the need to get the house under control. Besides, I just love that movie.
Tomorrow the week starts....the week that contains the tipover from summer to school. I feel like I'm taking my last few steps up to the cliff I'm about to jump off of.
Two unusual events coincided tonight: I had to work late, and the boys had a playdate with Dave's friend's son Kirin. Kirin lives in Ohio but visits his dad Uday every summer, and Uday flies to Ohio every other weekend to see him, plus they talk on the phone several times a day. Now that's an exemplary long-distance relationship!
Uday offered to take our boys and Kirin to dinner and then to a remote-controlled race car place for a playdate. I had to call Dave at work and ask him to pick up kids and deal with dinner tonight, when he reminded me of this playdate. So he left work early, picked up the kids and joined the boys, with one very enthusiastic little girl tagging along too.
And so they played with remote-controlled race cars.
I got home late and buzzed and burnt from an intense day at work to...an empty house! I almost didn't know what to do with myself. But I got over that quickly. This was an opportunity not to be missed.
My "new" job has been going on for 6 months. My jury's still out on the lifestyle, but I do like feeling like I can think again. I like collaborating, I like digging into problems, I like making things to work. Time alone at home is a big casualty of this lifestyle, but if I get it once in 6 months, that makes me happier.
Katrina's preschool had "dress-up day" today -- dress up in anything you want. I'm building quite the stash of old Halloween costumes, so resurrected this clown costume. (I love making costumes, but it's hard to beat this eBay find for $7!) Katrina was very excited about wearing it today, though not so excited about a photo. This was the best I could do. A happy clown today! With any luck, she'll want to use this for Halloween too!
Arrrgh....I did think twice about putting the boys together in the same Y day camp.
But the dropoff and pickup for the Y camps is far enough away that it's really impractical to stagger the weeks that they go, and in any given week, there are only so many camps offered. They're getting a little older too, presumably more mature, maybe they won't be interested in messing around with each other.
This week is ice-skating week, and it's popular enough that I figured there'd be enough kids to buffer the brother effect. This camp is for kids entering 1st-3rd grades, so I also figured they'd end up dividing the group by age.
And all the things I expected turn out to be true about the camps. But none of it is enough to overcome the irresistible urge our boys have to constantly push, shove, kick, hit, roughhouse, tease, torment and pummel each other.
The ice-skating camp director found me at pickup today and told me that it started yesterday, but was really bad today, nonstop roughhousing and not listening to the teachers. They were warned, timed out, separated, had to sit out activities, but still wouldn't quit being disruptive. I asked if there were other brother pairs in the group, and he said yes, but none quite so....er, physical.
I was mortified and furious with myself. What was I thinking putting them in the same camp?! This means they spend pretty much every waking moment together. And sleeping moments too -- the past two nights, I've found Julian in Gabriel's bunk, as though all this togetherness creates a twisted separation anxiety. But there's nothing they both need more than time apart. I see another residual effect of all this time together -- the second they're reunited with Katrina, they both heap her with often unwanted attention, as if they're starving for fresh sibling interaction.
School starts next week. I was dreading school starting, but the separation that comes with different classes can't come soon enough.
Julian got his stitches out this morning. The wound has healed well, though the doc warned it'd be sensitive for a few months.
Today was the first day he could go back into the water (immersed that is; baths have been OK) -- good timing, because today was a swim lesson.
Julian had a great time in his lesson, especially the 5-minute playtime at the end. Today's playtime activity was to jump into the water from the pool deck however they wanted. So what is the first thing he does? I could see him winding up for it -- Julian jumped off the edge and did a half-twist in the air, so that he was facing the pool deck when he entered the water. This is exactly how he injured his chin less than a week ago!!
Normally I don't interfere in lessons, and though he cleared the pool deck by a few feet, I did interfere to go remind him sternly that that's how he got hurt, don't do that.
He'll have a small scar, but it won't be visible. Not that he cares. Kids wear scars like badges of honor of course, he'd probably want it to be visible. It makes me want to scrapbook the event, so that the details of the incident are recorded in fact, instead of drifting into myth over time.
As I was trying to get a photo for the scrapbook, Katrina, unusually, wanted her picture taken. This one clearly is a tribute to her expert face-making cousin Remi.
Then Julian had to join in too.
Gabriel quit swim lessons at DACA, so he stayed at home.
I'm really really tired of the constant irritation I feel watching the lesson, and how the stupid levels hold the kids back. I saw Julian use his arms once or twice today as he was making his way back to the side after jumping in, and was startled at how effective he is with them -- swift, precise, strong. Or would be with them if only he were taught to use them. We're done with swim lessons after August. Next summer, I'm signing them up for backyard lessons in which they have a shot at actually learning to swim.
Learning to jump safely into a pool, on the other hand....
As we were doing our big landscaping project, I wanted to plan for a play structure swingset sort of thing. We even mapped out an area that would be prepared with a border and tanbark in the design, but it got at the end of the project. The landscapers put in lawn instead, and we were anxious enough to get done that we didn't object (though we did make sure the item "prep play area" was removed from the contract). This is one of many details that fall victim to project burnout.
Besides, I still wasn't sure what would fit there. And, feeling very very burnt out on spending, suddenly the $2000 or so for a structure was $1990 more than I felt like spending. So, wait and see.
Then friends bought a house with a swingset in their backyard. This childfree couple wants to do the yard all Japanese and Feng-shui, so they're anxious to remove this eyesore. We went to check it out Friday night. In the end we decided this just wouldn't fit in our strange space, which is fine for grownups (and kids too), but no longer has singular wide-open spaces.
I did learn that a back-to-back glider swing is great fun, though it also has great potential for fighting since it only holds two. The only way such a swing could be used is with Katrina in one spot, who can't pump it herself and SCREAMS insistently for someone to help her; and then whichever brother won the fight over the remaining chauffeur spot. The boys will fight over who gets their spot, and if it's just the boys together, then Katrina will freak out.
Saturday morning, while I slept late, the kids found a roly-poly and followed the poor thing, put it in a bucket for its "house" and named it, then let it out to play and lost it. Dave says this kept all three busy for quite a while. Sigh. They need a pet.
Saturday afternoon we went to another friend's house in the Santa Cruz mountains, for a barbecue we'd arranged months ahead of time -- that's how busy both families are. Dave and Ric worked together years ago and also know each other from motorcycling. Ric and Val attended our wedding with their darling 5-year-old carrot-top boy, who bowed to me again and again. I so wish someone had caught a photo of that! Anyway, that "little" boy is almost 17 now and just as delightful a young man as he was a little boy. He's very active in Boy Scouts and wants to be a screenwriter.
However, he's pretty much outgrown his childhood staple, a 14-foot diameter trampoline. Its attraction was immediately obvious -- all three kids were immediately overcome with giggles and laughter playing on it. It's better with a net around it, but our kids didn't jump very high yet and actually seemed a lot safer than I'd expected. They had a great time for a long time, while we grownups chatted above on the deck.
This item too has been offered to us, but again it's not clear where we'd fit it. It's incredible -- our lot is 11,600 sq.ft. -- large by Sunnyvale standards -- and yet we can't quite fit a swingset or trampoline?! Actually we can, it's just what else we'd give up in ability to move around, or curb appeal. For instance, the kids love riding bicycles around the backyard now -- a trampoline would interfere with that. And I can't bring myself to stick a trampoline out front, it'd just look awful.
Trampolines are a lot easier to put in and take out than swing sets, but swing sets are more versatile and we could get a more compact one to fit. Both keep kids happy for hours, but which one is the win for us? By the time we figure it out, they might be too old for either.
It's unusual for me not to blog for 2 nights in a row. The muscle cramps episode of Thursday night really threw me out of whack; I limped on and off all day Friday and felt many threatening pulls in the muscle, warning me of a recurrence. I took a muscle relaxant left over from my back episode, and it totally knocked me out all Friday. I truly had nothing to say to put in a blog, a rare event indeed. Saturday night we were all tired and content from our wonderful visit with our friends in the mountains, and I went straight to sleep when we got home. Morning sleep is a big casualty of our "new" lifestyle with me working full-time (6 months now), so I truly value the times I can sleep late on weekends.
Unfortunately, by the time my body's rested and back on its own natural rhythms, it's time for the rat race to start all over again. And there's no stopping this one -- Julian gets his stitches out tomorrow at 8am.
OK no more talking about how safe swimming is compared to running. First Julian bashes open his chin, then tonight I went for a swim and was attacked by the worst muscle cramps I've ever had. Alternately both calves, and various small muscles in my feet too. I was SO mad, I was gliding along so nicely, well on my way toward a nonstop 2000yard swim. Cramps really are dangerous; I was only a few yards from the side when the biggest one hit, and I had to work hard to get to the side. Dunno what it's about but I'm taking a hot bath, muscle relaxants, and going right to bed. It's Burn Notice* night anyway.
8/5/2010
*seems I'm not the only Sharon Gless fan, she was nominated for an Emmy for her role on BN.
Yesterday after Julian and I were done at Urgent Care, we went back to the school where the Y daycamps are held (conveniently about a 2-minute drive away). Since the doc had said no swimming this week while his stitches were in, we had to make a change from Splash Camp.
Julian was very excited about Lego Bash'n'Bots, but I warned him this popular camp would probably be full, and it was. All that was open was Prince and Princesses (Prince and Princesses? Now really, do any boys join this one??), Hogwarts, and tennis. The Hogwarts camp director was there, a funny friendly guy, and we chatted up the Harry Potter stories (of which I'm a big fan). But when I offered Julian the choices, he said, "Tennis" right away. "You sure?" "Yup, tennis." OK! Tennis it is.
I realized in the middle of the day today that I wasn't even sure if he knew what tennis is.
But he had a great time today, happily describing the games they played and how to serve and that he beat his whole group in a running race. Uh-huh, I'd like to hear the rest of that story. The reason for my skepticism is well-founded: it happens that an old friend from Las Madres was in his group, and Julian claimed to have outrun him too. He cited their exact times in seconds, but I still find it hard to believe that Julian outran athletic and older Rylan (Gabriel's peer).
These sports camps typically do the specific activity in the morning, then other things in the afternoon. Ironically this afternoon was Swim Day for the tennis camp. But that was OK, the tennis camp Director told me that lots of kids don't swim, and they have other activities set up for them. He also told me at pickup today that Julian seemed to really enjoy himself and picked up the tennis part quickly. Tennis, so far, is a big win.
Splash camp, on the other hand....not so much. Gabriel said yesterday that the 45-minute lesson was "great" because half of it involved the kids floating around in life vests, which they could opt out of, and he did. Today he got lucky again because they were buddied up, and his buddy had to get out of the pool for some reason, so he got to get out also. He says he's not learning anything, and complains about having to "practice." That's the 45-minute lesson part; then they get lots of water free play time, which he likes.
Both Gabriel and Julian found the pool to be too cold for lessons, which means there's likely too much waiting. It's a large outdoor pool, kept to a typical temperature for a practice pool, which is great for actually swimming, but a little cold if you have to hold onto the side for more than a few minutes. The boys complained about the pool where I swim too, so I know how cold it is, and it's perfect if you're actually moving. On hot days it's actually a little too warm.
Talking with a coworker today who has 2 boys aged 10 and 12, and two Las Madres friends whose kids have finally learned to swim, I'm increasingly convinced that short intensive courses (every day for 2 weeks) in an entrepreneur's backyard pool with just one or two kids in the lesson is plenty -- provided the lessons are of high quality. Heck, I'll even take lessons of mediocre quality if they'd just teach them to use their arms!
Gabriel is at a level in which he is taught arms (at DACA that is), and he could benefit from plain old practice, but I gather he's not getting enough pressure from the Y camp to swim even from one side of the pool to the other, a mere 25 yards. I know he could be motivated to; he was very intrigued to hear that I usually swim a "mile" when I work out swimming. Somehow "a mile" sounded a lot more impressive than "1800 yards" (which is a bare minimum for any real swimmers).
Julian isn't even being taught to use his arms yet at DACA. From the brief stint we did at Water Babies last summer, in which they view arms as pretty important in swimming, I saw that he was quite ready to use them. Otherwise it's called "treading water." Even Katrina could benefit from arm practice now, though she's even lamer than her swim lessons, so she is getting a little out of them, but not nearly as much as she could.
Wouldn't it be funny if Julian really got into tennis. We'd have a great story to tell about how it got started.
