Empty, clean, and soon, slightly reconfigured. I'm moving some shelves, removing drawers and adding a few baskets.
Here's the flip side to that., however.
I'm determined that only half those clothes go back IN to the closet!
Major, major trouble with Julian again today. Principal's office at school, huge trouble at the CDC. We're at a loss.
9/30/2011
Dave took one look at the photo of Katrina and said, "Did we pay for that?" She's not exactly cooperative for cameras these days.
This year, I didn't do my usual dork thing of insisting they wear their "Class Of..." varsity T-shirts, and I regret that! The colors in these photos are crazy. Still, I'm totally enjoying having this consistent set of photos every year.
9/29/2011
Julian has some news!
9/27/2011
The photos are all from the first day, but this is the sort of thing we occupy our time with.
Making strawberry lemonade.
Playing Gabriel's "Falling Fireballs" game.
Opening gifts. Real hits: Katrina got a dancing purple horse, Julian a book that has split flip-pages that make silly animals, and Gabriel a puzzle game.
Of course, I got my fair share of play too, especially when we cleaned out Los Gatos on our shopping spree.
Today I let Gabriel walk home from school by himself for the first time. He was pretty happy about that.
And with the promise of a bribe, I managed to get a willing shot of all 3 kids with their marvelous grandmother.
I've been enjoying my exodus from reality, but it's going to start coming back tomorrow after I take Bonne Maman to the airport!
9/26/11
Unfortunately being parents to Julian has been less rewarding. His teacher is so frustrated with his behavior in class -- and that's after me pulling out all the stops and investing a ton of energy in not tolerating even the slighest indiscretion at home -- that's she's requesting help from the school district's counselor, and calling a team meeting thing to evaluate him. We've been through this with Gabriel and in some ways it's harder with Julian because he's always been pretty good -- no odd behaviors, no flags for "the spectrum," no developmental delays. He's just....well, dawdly and full of excuses, but he's becoming more and more impossible in class.
Katrina...she's been great lately. I'm still reeling from a horrible nightmare I had two mornings ago, in which she'd died and I was first facing the world without this bright light, this joyful pixie bursting with ideas and observations and life. I was absolutely devastated, and woke up very much in that "place." I can't express how relieved I was when I realized it was just a bad dream and that in fact my little girl was quite alive in the next room. I was very upset all day, and even today somewhat as well. It's as though she was taken away from me and I was granted her back.
One thing that comes to mind with all this emotional turmoil is: I need a job! I'm glad I have this time off, and I'm making good use of it, but I sure need some emotional stability in my day!
All in due time -- first, my Mom is here!
9/22/2011
I'd expected to hang with the kids and maybe chat with teachers, and that happened, sort of. I caught Julian's teacher and struck up a long conversation with her. They'd had a tough day, with Julian defying the P.E. teacher, giving his teacher attitude and even getting sent to the principal's office. She was really frustrated with how to get through to him. He's only been getting worse, giving her attitude and rude comments and forcing her to repeat instructions several times. She said she doesn't want to spend all her time with him giving him consequence and threatening, but that's what it was turning into. She said something like, "at some point he just has to do what he's told." Just like at home.
I'd planned to spend the afternoon working with Julian on his book report, but had to redirect him to my room to talk alone. "Talking doesn't do anything, Mom," he complained as we walked in. "You're right," I told him. I walked into my closet and pulled out the black belt. "NOOO!" he cried out.
I didn't belt him. But thanks to the one time I did belt him, seeing it looped on a dresser was a necessary threatening message as we talked.
And we talked. First I told him that he had to obey -- not "listen to" -- but obey adults. I told him he especially must obey teachers, and explained that teachers work hard and do their jobs out of conviction and are there just to teach him and other kids. It's their job, that's why they're there, and he can't interfere with that.
Then I wrote down "actions" (such as rudeness, not accepting responsibilty, disobeying and others), and then wrote down "consequences" (giving away toys, no dessert/allowance, grounding, the belt and others), and then wrote a chart of actions mapped to consequences.
Then I had him practice obeying -- I had him walk away a few paces, and I'd call his name and he'd have to stop immediately. This was because of his causing trouble in P.E. today, when the coach called him numerous times and Julian ignored the coach. S.O.P. at home.
By now, he was agreeing with these exercises, because The Belt was looming.
Then I told Julian that now he has to say "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" to adults. This sounds extreme, but I'd threatened that before, during the summer when he was being so much trouble at the CDC. I got the idea from Kung Fu where he has to say "yes sir." I made him practice with me, but he rolled his eyes and said "yes ma'am" with irritation. So I took the belt and whacked it LOUD against a bench, and told him sternly to try again. THEN he said "yes ma'am" with more sincerity. (This is where he departs with Gabriel; Gabriel is very likely to continue resisting; Julian does have his limits.)
I told Julian that absolutely no resistance would be tolerated today. Though it took a ton of energy, I managed to follow up every incident of him ignoring an instruction or talking back with glowering and insisting he say "yes MA'AM." It's amazing how many of those incidents there are in the space of 5 minutes. It's amazing that it's come to this -- I would never have believed that I'd ever threaten a belt or insist on "yes ma'am." How on earth will I have the energy or time to follow up on this when I'm working?
For the rest of the afternoon, I worked with Julian on his book report and homework, and to my surprise, he was pretty cooperative. He blew through his math homework -- the whole weeks' worth took him about 20 minutes, because he wasn't distracted or resistant. Just like Gabriel, the math is really easy and straightforward and needs little intervention. The language homework on the other hand, such as writing definitions for two words from his spelling/vocabulary list, took much much longer.
Julian needs a lot of help with his book report -- but wouldn't any 7-year-old need help? For example, he needs to write a sentence on each of "where" and "when" a folktale takes place, but all our "Jack and the Beanstalk" book says about "when' is "once upon a time." Kids need help with this!
Or do they? Incredibly, Katrina also had a kindergarten version of a book report to do this week, called a "story map." She has to do the hard part: picking a book, writing down who are the main characters, what the "setting" is, and what happens in the beginning, middle and end of the story. These are pretty sophisticated concepts for even a 2nd-grader - summarizing isn't easy, and they don't get that the end of the story isn't necessarily what happens on the last page.
But so unlike her brothers, Katrina insisted on doing her Story Map by herself. Given her determination, I let her just copy the words from the last page of the book for "end of the story." I was blown away by how insistent she was on doing her "homework" that was clearly designed for parents to help with. 5th-week kindergartners can't possibly be expected to write this stuff themselves, when they're technically not even expected to be reading yet.
Well, kindergarten is the least of my worries -- and apparently, 4th grade isn't eithe. Not only is Gabriel doing his homework, but he's keeping track of it -- arguably the biggest achievement. (We passed Gabriel's teacher bicycling to work this morning; Gabriel said the teacher told the class that bicycling to work was a "resolution".) So far, 2nd-grade is our -- and the teacher's -- hugest challenge.
9/20/2011
Today I made fine use of my first weekday of not earning money by spending a whole lot of it. This included a trip to Best Buy to check out cameras, and morphed into the purchase of a streaming-video device that can hook up to a TV. Right away the first challenge of matching lifestyle to technology and domestic geography presents itself: which TV do I hook this thing up to? That's obvious in households with a central entertainment area, but we don't really have one. I think it'll go in the living room, where the occasional kid-movie gets watched, and movies with guests get watched, but that's not where the bulk of TV-watching happens in this household. We're weird.
Another conundrum is setting up my brand-new Dell Latitude Windows 7 laptop -- because most of the work is in retrofitting old methods and devices to it. My email is almost set up, the very-very old-fashioned way with a local client like Eudora. And I'm beside myself that I was able to get my ancient -- and I do mean ancient: FOURTEEN years old! -- laser printer to work. I'm forever an HP printer fan, none else will do.
I hadn't planned to spend my valuable days "off" before starting a new job setting up my computing world, but it's just as well it happened now. I'd likely never have gotten around to it without a virus rendering my old WinXP tower computer unusable. Despite my clinging to Eudora and an old black-and-white laser printer, for the most part this has forced me to join the 21st century.
Maybe I'll even try streaming a movie tonight.
9/19/2011
9/15/2011
This is so not the most important thing in my life, but it's very very real and present to me now. Until Friday at 5pm that is!!
9/14/2011
Homework was amazingly easy tonight. Gabriel got in trouble immediately and was sent to his room to do his homework. Julian had already gotten a little ahead on his language work, then finished his week's worth of math.
Katrina was the real killer though: she blew through her first week's worth of homework in under an hour, with no guidance, help or encouragement, insisting on reading all the instructions herself, and remaining completely undistracted by her brothers. She announced, "I TOASTED it!"
In fairness, all three kids had no trouble with kinder homework; they'd been well-prepared in preschool, but I think it's safe to say she's the most enthusiastic.
I know I can't count on this breeze every night, but for tonight, I'll take it!
9/13/11
I'll get to it as soon as I clean up the kitchen, make 3 lunches, fill out emergency information for all 3 kids, fill out a county assessment health form for Gabriel, answer notes to two teachers, fill out a class directory form for kindergarten, sign a permission slip and another form about if I want to apply for a library card for 2nd grade, go through papers the kids brought home from school today and make sure I don't miss any notices, put a Thursday field trip on the calendar so I don't forget to send a bagged lunch, look for the kindergarten P.E. schedule and make sure Katrina wears sneakers if PE is on Tuesdays -- and then I can unbox my new computer. Thank goodness tonight is a light workload night!
My last Monday at my current company...the only place I've worked for the last 14 years, where I have many good friends and lots and lots of memories. Recent memories are really bad, but many others are good. No matter how I dice it up, there's no question that my new job is far, far better, but it's still a big change. It reminds me how I really need challenge but how real change stresses me.
I'm happy to be changing to a new computer though -- then I can edit photos again and post them to this poor image-starved blog!
9/12/11
- Write 12 definitions related to magnetism, some not in the dictionary (e.g. "temporary magnet.").
Draw an illustration for each.
- Make up 10 sentences for each of 10 spelling/definition words (e.g. "chrysalis").
- Two pages of cursive practice.
- 22 math problems.
This is all one night's homework at the not super-academic school in the district, with a principal who's working on reducing homework load, and a conscientious teacher!
Ironically, the only thing that goes quickly is the math, because if you understand it (and most kids at our school do), it's often (not always) a lot less writing.
An example of tonight's math homework problems: Round each number to the place of the underlined digit. 1) 589,932. Gabriel's answer was "580,000 or 590,000" and he'd circled 590,000.(Any other 4th-grade parents there have any input? I think this is in line with 4th-grade difficulty -- actually this is pretty easy, but it's the quantity I'm griping about.)Another problem: Write these numbers in order from least to greatest: 690,172, 349 699,074,213 69,010,342. Answering that involves a fair amount of writing, though at least he didn't have to copy the numbers out of order first.
But making up sentences with words like "synonymous" and "crystalline" and "inaugeration" takes at least 3 minutes per sentence, if the kid is concentrating. 10 sentences, about 3 minutes a sentence -- do the math. With everything else, there's no way this all takes 60 minutes.
This is crushing. All we do the entire evening home with Gabriel is deal with homework. At some point, he just gets burnt out and putzes around, plays, writes things in a goofy font, reads the dictionary instead of copying definitions out of it. I absolutely hate that my entire interaction with him in a day revolves around motivating him and focusing him on this work, and that it hangs over his head the entire night.
He actually did most of tonight's homework, minus 7 of the 10 sentences, but I cut him off at 8:30 upon threat of losing a playdate this weekend and said he had to go to bed. He doesn't believe me, but I know he'll have an easier time finishing this in the morning.
I blame the other parents. I have to blame someone. They complain privately, and to other parents, but they don't even tell the teacher. They let their kids stay up later, their kids get home from school earlier, they are generally just fewer of them (kids that is), and many just think piling on homework will improve test scores.
This can't go on. I have to start working with Julian on his book report -- something that I've learned is brutal for parents, especially the first 2nd-grade report, but that has far more value. I wasn't expecting to have to spend so much time and attention keeping Gabriel motivated. He's never blown anyone away with his work ethic -- so many friends have kids who finish their homework on their own -- but he's no excuse factory like Julian. (Julian has also discovered that math homework is much easier and faster than language, and often I have to fight with him to get him to do his definitions or sentences instead of the math.)
On another note...
One of many great things about having a geeky husband is that when your computer dies and you just don't have time or energy to figure out what you need for the next one, you say, "sic'em!" Dave is closing in on a new computer for me -- a laptop this time -- and I'm thrilled and grateful for this huge investment in time and energy he's put into it. I know he likes doing it, even if it isn't a Mac -- the only thing better will be when I need a new car!
9/8/11
I suffered some ill effects of Gabriel's homework though. Good heavens, just his math was about 26 problems, and most of them involved a whole lot of copying and writing. For example, a problem is to write three numbers in order from least to greatest. Not so bad if you can just write the numbers in order, but he's supposed to write them out of order first, show how many digits each has, assign them an A, B and C order, then copy them again in least-to-greatest order, and draw a box around the answer. Some of these numbers are in the hundred millions, so if you have to write 225,541,226 and 241,541,226 and 226,541,220 twice, in different orders AND with other markings around it, that can take a while. And those were the shorter questions!!
Gabriel had trouble finishing schoolwork today and lost recess for not transitioning, so I talked to him about that but also sent a note to his teacher to let him know that 26 math problems of that sort will take a 9-year-old over an hour with no breaks. Gabriel still has to learn how to get his schoolwork and homework done quickly, but I do understand why he'd frustrated with the homework -- lots of copying and busywork without any real advancement or reinforcement in learning -- he knows the content part just fine so far.
Seems homework is childproof too. 9/6/11
Gabriel told me later that the platform they'd been on at the top had sunk down, and he had a hard time pulling her out, partly because she resisted his help, but he managed to pull her out and get her to slide down anyway. What a terrific big brother!
I was lucky he was up there with her, because he met up with a friend from school at the street fair, a kid he'd been asking for a playdate with, and who happens to live in our strange little neighborhood enclave. Most of his time was spent running around like crazy with his friend, and in fact I left Gabriel at the fair with his friend after the slide deflation incident to take Katrina home. I met his friend's mother, and she was happy to have Gabriel over for a playdate during/after the fair. So I told Gabriel to come home at 5:00, and knew it'd take him maybe 5 minutes to walk home.
Julian spent the day at The Tech Museum with our neighbors across the street, who have a 3rd-grade boy that he's made friends with. Julian had gone over to see if his friend could play, and they were on their way to the museum and invited Julian. He didn't get back until 6pm, so he was entertained unexpectedly all day.
Katrina has a classmate who I think I've seen walking with her parents not far from our house, which also suggests they're neighbors. It'll be a while before I'll tell Katrina to just go to a kid's house and ask if they can play, but in two years, sure.
Can it be? Do we actually have signs of a neighborhood here? Kids knocking on each other's doors and asking if a friend can play? It seems so .... well, suburban -- but it's a really, really good thing. I was so happy to see the boys playing with friends today, and without any work or coordination on my part -- perfect. Is that what a neighborhood is about?! 9/5/11
