5/29/06 Gabriel and Julian pedal a boat

Today we went on a surprisingly rare family outing. Somehow on the weekends are always too busy around the house, or I take the boys somewhere without Dave on Sundays. But today on a holiday Monday, we went to Shoreline Park in Mountain View to take a "pedalboat" out onto the sailing lake.

I'd seen this in April when I took the boys to Shoreline just to check it out, and today was perfect to actually go out onto the lake. It was a slightly breezy day, sparing us from what could be a very hot time out there.

Except for the parking lots, that is. Packed! Shoreline is a popular place. Once we found a place to park, it was smooth sailing from there.

It was fun! For $16, we rented a boat and lifevests for an hour, and pedaled around Shoreline's manmade sailing lake. We saw lots of other boats, including windsurfers and a sailboat that a man and his young daughter had capsized.
Julian was afraid at first, but once he got to hold the steering wheel, he relaxed. Gabriel was excited from the beginning and also liked steering and trying to pedal (he couldn't reach very well). We watched some windsurfers zooming by, looked at a few birds, rescued a hat for another family, then pedaled back to the docks.

What a great way to spend a holiday afternoon.

5/29/06

5/28/06 Gabriel and Julian go to a pool party

Today we went to a Memorial Weekend (since it wasn't actually Memorial Day) pool party at the house of one of Dave's coworkers. They have a beautiful house in Los Altos, with a pool and hot tub in the backyard, and kids welcome. Gabriel helped me make pumpkin bread to bring (he loves to help me bake), and we arrived around 12:30 for the party.

It was chilly and windy the day before, but today was pretty nice. We got the boys ready to get in the pool, but didn't let them in until I was ready too. It's times like this I'm so glad they've had swim classes, because they're comfortable and happy in the water, and I'm very in touch with their abilities and dangers. So, I hung out next to the pool watching them while they played at first, then later got in myself to play with them. Gabriel wasn't allowed onto a big floatable dinosaur until he demonstrated that he could swim across the short end of the pool, and he passed.

One time, before I was in the water with them, Julian stepped off into water too deep for him, and I saw right away that he wasn't going to get back on his own, but I also knew how much time he had. He took about 4 breaths while I got to him and pulled him out, he coughed once or twice, then went on as usual. I think a few onlookers were a little alarmed, perhaps mostly at my cavalier attitude about it! Well, not that cavalier: at the time, I wasn't worried at all, but later that night, the image of Julian paddling to keep his head above water haunted me. Drowning is a silent death, and a few more seconds of that and he'd have been in serious trouble. Will there ever be a time in which my head is turned just a few moments too long? Not this time.

While Dave and I sat by the pool and watched the boys, a little girl got in with an inflatable ring. Dave commented that her parents seemed nowhere to be found, but I said a parent could be anywhere nearby, we couldn't tell. The girl was about 6 years old, maybe she was a trustworthy swimmer too. Inflatable toys in pools make me especially nervous -- kids can easily drift in over their heads and get into trouble. We weren't allowed to play on those truck inntertubes (and what FUN those were!) until we passed a swimming test. But maybe by that girl's age you stop being ultra diligent?

Well, it turned out that her parents indeed were nowhere to be found -- they were inside the house getting a tour. And, it turned out she couldn't swim at all and seemed to depend on the toy inflatable ring to keep her up. I was really shocked. If swim lessons have given me nothing else, it's much better awareness/paranoia of water danger than most parents seem to have. If the parents had asked us to keep an eye on her, that'd have been fine -- but let a 6-year-old into a pool, unsupervised, using an inflatable ring, and who can't swim, is really...well, unaware, I'll say. They seemed like very nice parents otherwise, I'm sure they thought she was safe, especially since she had the ring. Meanwhile, anyone who witnessed Julian's step into the deep would probably think we were the ones being too loosey-goosey.

To my amazement, Gabriel got cold first and then got out first -- that never happens! I found a water frisbee that skips nicely, and played catch with Julian in the water. His lips were blue and he was shivering, but he was having such a good time that he put up a huge fuss when we finally pulled him out of the water -- at 2:30pm and he hadn't had lunch or nap yet. Mom once said that we Berry kids were like that too, shivering and freezing but still insisting on playing in the water. That's-a-my boy! They had a great time at the party, and so did we. Very nice people.

Dinner has really gotten to be annoying with the boys; they're constantly making obnoxious noises, bad behavior, timeouts...we barely squeaked through Sunday night's dinner with things intact enough to watch Thomas the Tank Engine. But I like watching it with them too, so I'm glad they finally shaped up.

5/28/06

5/25/06 Gabriel and Julian join the Y

I promised myself when I started this blog that I wouldn't get compulsive and try to catch up if I was falling behind, but it's pretty hard to squelch the documenter's disease. Though I'm trying to banish this motion, I still find myself feeling that I'm "falling behind." Silly! There will be lots of undocumented moments in our children's lives, and that's OK!

Today after the boys' swim class, I took them to the nearby YMCA and joined! I've been meaning to do this for weeks, as the Y is the best compromise between location, childcare, and pool schedule. Gabriel and Julian sat fairly peacefully, munching on apple and Goldfish (a rare treat, which backfired since Julian insisted on eating them off the ground with his mouth) while I filled out and signed forms.

Then I took them to the Y's Childwatch, of which there are two, depending on age. Both rooms are large and bright and pleasant and filled with fun toys, much nicer than the one at Supreme Court. Julian cried a little at first when I left him, insisting on "one more hug and a kiss", four or five times that is, but was fine within a few minutes. Gabriel, no problem, as I expected -- ironic considering how much trouble he gave me at the Supreme Court daycare as a baby! After filling out more forms and talking to each room's daycare ladies, I finally got to go check out the pool. I'd brought my swim stuff just in case...and it looked like I was going to get to sneak in a few minutes' swim!

I was thrilled, I haven't swum in a long time, and the urge to swim is very strong these days. It just feels like the perfect exercise for my beleaguered body. Spinning aggravates my weak sacro-iliac joint. Step classes, elliptical trainers and stair steppers bother my knees (and I don't have knee problems in general). Soon I won't be able to do Pilates or Ballecore or other similar exercises that emphasize abdominal work and lying on your back. (As an aside, I've mused how I seem to be attracted to the same genre of sport: dance, pilates, yoga, ice skating...all things which overall don't use equipment, aren't team sports, emphasize flexibility, aren't high-impact or high-cardio, and don't require hand-to-eye coordination. Other people love softball, basketball, volleyball -- sports without half a foot in the arts. That's not to say I don't like some sports: the dabbling I've done in volleyball and racquetball speak to that, and I know I'd love mountain biking, and of course I love to swim and am very inclined toward other water sports. But isn't it interesting how I, and most people probably, gravitate toward activities with similiar characteristics. I'd probably like tai chi and martial arts as well.)

Stepping back....Julian has an astounding record of needing to poop during his swim lesson. Four times in a row now, I've caught the straining eyes and puffy face and rushed him out of the pool just in time. A real pain when he's wearing fins and we're both soaking wet! Well, today he didn't poop in the pool, finally.

So when I went for my first swim at the Y today, I had to wait for about 20 minutes while the pool was closed due to a contamination (probably some other kid pooped in the pool). I got into my swim stuff, then did some stretches, and finally, finally was able to immerse myself in water and experience the almost hypnotic state of gliding through the water. Yay! It felt SO good. Being horribly out of shape, I stopped after only 5 laps to stretch, and looked up to see....Flora. The daycare lady from Julian's childwatch. Searching the pool. I called to her, and she saw me and said "Oh -- Julian go poo-poo!" I couldn't believe it. I'd been swimming maybe 5 minutes, and once again, pool time, this time mine, was foiled by Julian's bowels!

The afternoon went as usual, though it took me a while to get Julian inside to get him upstairs for his nap. He always protests at first, but usually goes along with the program as soon as I get started with a book (his latest favorite is "There's a Wocket in my Pocket" by Dr. Seuss). And for the 4th day in a row, I came down from getting Julian to bed to find Gabriel asleep. Today, Gabriel went into his room, closed his door and curled up on his bed under blankets.

I took a crucial nap too, only to be awakened by Julian crying, awake early from his nap. Only an hour and a half -- not long enough for him, but it's becoming more frequent. I took him downstairs and cuddled him on our bed, watching more junk TV, since I wasn't at all ready to move yet. Then Julian was quite still, and I saw that he'd fallen asleep again. He adjusted himself off of me, so I got up to prepare dinner. Lately I've been starting the lengthy dinner-prep process at around 4:30, in an attempt to get the boys fed early and before Dave gets home. They're impossible to have at our dinner table these days.


Meantime, Julian snoozed away on our bed, and Gabriel upstairs on his bed. At 6:30pm, Dave got home, and I left for my skating class -- and they were both still asleep! That confirms it: Julian really does need a 3-hour nap, but for some reason lately, he keeps waking up too early.

I had a great time skating, and came back to find two very well-rested and rambunctious little boys. Who miraculously went to bed by 9:30 despite their extended, and late, naps. Ah, sleep. It eludes me much these days, largely due to stomach troubles, but now, Baby#3's movement is starting to get big and strong enough to nudge me out of my usual troubled slumber. Three children adds up to many, many years of insufficient sleep. At least now I have a new way to boost my energy during the day: swimming.

5/25/06

5/18/06 Gabriel and Julian nap

A much better day than yesterday, even though there was more potential for failure since I had the boys all day. It definitely seems our Tuesdays and Thursdays go better than our MWF afternoons together.

Still, it's hard to go wrong starting off the day with swim class, they both love it. Gabriel is doing just great -- using his arms in a crawl, and then he rolls over to his back really well now (a precursor to learning to take breaths, I think).

I still needed an afternoon nap, but after yesterday's nap ordeal with Julian, I waited longer to try to get him down. Meantime, the boys had fun playing outside together, on the tricycle and with their new sanddozers. They played a lot together today, mostly pretty well. I think I only had to shout "GABRIEL!" when I heard Julian crying three or four times.

Then when it was time for a nap, I went through the usual routine, including a new book (Dr. Seuss' "There's a Wocket in my Pocket"). Julian resisted getting into bed, as per new usual, but I gave him just one chance -- one countdown and then I'd get the "crib." When I returned with said crib, he was lying in bed, and there he stayed for another 3 hours. Finally! He really needed a good solid nap.


When I returned from an unusually successful getting-down-for-nap, I found Gabriel asleep on our bed too. Perfect! I lay down and napped with him for about an hour. He woke up just as I did, and just looked at me at first, then sleepily blinked. I blinked back at him. Then he blinked back at me, and we went back and forth a few times like this until he burst out laughing.

I went back to my ice skating class tonight, after missing last week because of our trip. We had a different teacher this time, and she gave us lots of detail that I was surprised she'd bother with at our pathetic level. But what a difference! I think I actually felt what an edge is like, and my attempts at forward crossovers felt completely different. It's so much fun, I can't believe I waited this long in life to try skating. After that, I joined my mom friends for Coffee Night and an extended gossip session.

When I left for the evening, we went through the usual ritual of lots of hugs and kisses. I never mind this making me late, it's so sweet! The boys each have to give me one last hug, one more kiss, now the other side, big kiss, little kiss, rabbit kiss. Now they're starting it with Dave when he leaves in the morning. I just love it, that makes up for so much. Though today, there wasn't much making up for to do -- it's striking how much better afternoons go when everyone gets a decent nap.

Tomorrow, the boys spend the afternoon and night at Tonya's for sleepover. Yay! I have a lot to do tomorrow, but I'm especially planning on getting lots of rest. At least my sick feelings have stabilized somewhat. They go on and off all day, but a little bit more predictably than before, and with fewer extremes, but still. Blah. At almost 20 weeks along now, I think my stomach issues are in it for the long haul.

5/18/06

5/17/06: Belly Shots

Steph requested some belly shots, so here I am. 19 weeks along and sticking out a whole lot more than the first time!

Today I had the anatomical sonogram scan, and once again, all was normal. The sonogram technician said not many people don't want to know the sex of the baby anymore, no surprise. She said the baby's head was right up against my skin, plus I'm "so thin" (hah!), so she said no wonder I'm feeling and seeing the baby so much -- it's right there. Baby#3 head-butts me constantly; few hours go by that I don't feel it.

My stomach continues to be a nemesis, and soon the biomechanical challenges of pregnancy will kick in. I get out of breath walking up stairs now, and my fragile sacro-iliac joint (lower back) twinges all the time, reminding me of its imminent wrath. Sinus congestion and violent gut-wrenching (literally) sneezes also plague me. I refuse to say I'm too old for this. This level of physical misery sucks no matter how old you are.

I was an awful mom today. Supernanny would have been appalled at how impatient and ignoring I was with the boys. And I even had the morning "off"! I really, really needed a nap this afternoon, and Julian has gotten uncharacteristically unreliable. It took 45 minutes to get him down for a 40-minute nap, then another hour and a half to get him out of fussy grouchy mode because he hadn't had enough sleep. Me, I'm still in fussy grouchy mode.

Even though Julian was up at 3:15pm and we had plenty of time to go out to a park or make cookies or something, I was in no mood for it and instead tried to do a few things in the office, emerging only to scold them. At one point, Gabriel said to me, "No shouting, Mom!" and I knew he was right. His angry demeanor so reflects mine that it's downright alarming. Well, I guess we can't all be great moms every day. Oddly, I seem to have better days with them when I have them the whole day.

Today I feel very down about the whole kids experience. The only bright spot is imagining an innocent little baby again, that you never get mad at.

5/17/06

5/14/06: Murphy's and Sheep Ranch

We had an overall successful weekend on our annual Sheep Ranch and Murphy's trip, with the usual kid-challenges, but overall far better than last year.

We drove up Thursday late morning after swim class, and had a great trip. The boys like travelling, and the more interesting the road, the more they point things out and talk about the drive. "I like curves!" said Gabriel. We stayed in a rented cottage within walking distance of downtown Murphy's, a charming little tourist trap.

Friday we visited my first VP at my previous company, who incredibly, lives in Sheep Ranch now. He and his wife are raising horses on an old ranch along Sheep Ranch road, and are building a new house in a lovely little valley.


It's a great place to take kids visiting -- we looked at the river and threw rocks in, then saw goats, horses, miniature horses and the best part, construction vehicles.

Saturday is the big day at Sheep Ranch, where our old moto-friends stay and hang out at the historic Pioneer Hotel (which is privately owned now). We were very careful that two rambunctious little boys didn't disturb the group of about 25 mostly child-free grownups, with varying degrees of success. Any time anyone played with them, they loved it. Gabriel followed Lissa around like a puppy-dog -- even better, since she and Eric brought their brood of birds and rabbits! Amazing how people have hidden talents -- and Lissa has many not-hidden talents already -- who knew she was so great with kids.

Sunday morning's breakfast could have gone better: we went to a nice rustic place in Arnold called Bristol's, but Julian uncharacteristically was wiggly and difficult, grabbing and throwing things, not sitting down, and shouting "DAMMIT!" when scolded. After the 5th time that Dave brought him outside, we gave in to tag-teaming, and strapped Julian in the car and sat with him. That is, until he said "Dammit, Mommy" to me, so I left the car and sat outside in the parking lot. Not altogether bad in this particular parking lot; it was shaded with tall redwood trees and had a lovely mountain air. I used to spend all day immersed in that, exploring it via motorcycle. Nice, but still, I was ticked.

We took the usual indirect route home, travelling on roads only motorcyclists seek out, which again made for a far more enjoyable trip for all. When we needed a break though, I was in no mood to sit with Julian in another restaurant and be waited on, so we actually found a Carl's Jr. to have some french fries, a drink, and be on our way (the boys had yogurt first though). There is a place in life for fast food.

Next year, we're thinking about looking for a way to leave the boys behind and bring just baby#3. It's a lot of work for us keeping the boys under control, and arguably, little boys shouldn't be put in a position to be under control all day. That said, they loved being there and playing with grownups (including us). And of course, I just love being in the Sierra foothills again. We've got to go up there more than once a year. Someday.

5/14/06

Gabriel and Julian's carseats, take 2

More carseat-shopping this weekend revealed some excellent news for us: Not only will be probably be able to keep the car we have, but we might well get away with carseats we already have!

Dave's car has two identical narrow Graco carseats in it, one of which Gabriel is about to outgrow, and the other of which Julian can use in my car. The convertible/booster we keep in the pickup will work for Gabriel in my car, and Miss October gets the Britax Roundabout, rear-facing (after a few months of infant bucket carrier that is). Yay! Then, when it's time to forward-face the baby, Julian will be almost 4 and Gabriel almost 6, and we can re-evaluate and juggle carseats and/or boosters again.

We might want a bigger car at some point, but it's nice to know we won't be forced into it right away.

And are we the only people in the world who don't think a DVD player is utter necessity in a new car?! I overheard a mom talking about their drive to Disneyland, how the DVD player was essential for the 4-1/2 hour trip. She added that now, her 3-1/2-year-old wants to watch DVDs on the way to the grocery store. Well, yeah! No, I just don't see us going that route. Call me old-fashioned, but some amount of boredom is part of a kid's life. Part of anyone's life. Geez, would we have shouted Beatles songs at the top of our lungs for hours on our cross-country trip when I was a kid if we had a DVD player?

(Of course, it's very easy for me to say all this, since both Gabriel and Julian have always been very good in the car. Baby#3 might teach me a thing or two about the value of DVD players. Similarly, it'd be easy for me to think that it's because the boys don't watch TV or videos regularly, and have had almost no electronic toys, that they both have such good attention spans, but really, I think that's just the way they are. On the other hand, suppose we'd Baby Einstein'd them from day one? I thought about this again tonight as they took a bath in our huge Jacuzzi downstairs, since our upstairs bathtub is leaking (argh). So many households have toys all over the bathroom, but G & J were quite entertained with only a single cup each. Cause or effect?)

In other news, not only can I feel Baby#3 all the time, but now I can actually see the baby moving. Last night, the baby was particularly active, and I lay there and watched my tummy bulge out as tiny elbows and knees poked around. It's amazing, really -- many women don't even feel the baby at 18 weeks, and here I am watching it. Baby#3 has not let me forget he or she is here from even before the moment I knew about it.

Gabriel and Julian go to Gina's birthday party

Next year, I'm doing what Betsy did for Gina: a party at The Little Gym. An hour and a half long, the kids LOVE playing in the gym area, there's a separate room for cake that can get trashed, and they provide little water bottles as party favors.

Once again, the boys' personalities shone through. Gabriel wasted no time in running around like mad, laughing his head off nonstop. I remember wondering in swim class when he was a toddler if I thought so just because I was his mother, or was he really the most enthusiastic child there? I found myself wondering that again, because he was utterly exuberant.

At one point, they did a parachute time thing, and the teachers asked the group of kids the colors of the panels on the parachute, and as soon as the teacher put her hand on a panel, Gabriel jumped out with the answer. I wonder if he's like that in school, very eager to participate and shout out the answer?

Gina was adorable in wound-up pigtail braids (her Aunt Alice loves to do her hair) and pink dress. Next week, Gina and Gabriel start swim classes together, yay!

Julian, on the other hand, stood like a statue staring at all the kids. Even when the activity was to run in a circle, he so steadfastly refused to move that he ended up in the middle of the circle. The knowledgeable teachers tried to draw him in, knowing that often a kid is just being clingy, but that wasn't it. If I left him, he still wouldn't move, it wasn't about me! Just like in music class, it became almost comical, with my mom friends coming back to me from time to time to laugh and ask me what on earth was with him? He wouldn't budge!

Then, out of nowhere, Julian kicked into gear, and then challenged Gabriel in the exuberation department, running like crazy and laughing. He did so just before the teachers brought out a big basket of balls -- perfect! So, despite his usual slow start, he had a great time too.

I got mad at Gabriel for pushing Julian flat on his face too many times though. I never know where to draw the line: what is just brother rough-housing, and what is just not right? I fretted about this so much that I had dreams that night that Gabriel was tumbling Baby#3 against a wall. Gabriel's pushing wasn't malicious, but had it been on concrete, it would have hurt. As it was, Julian just got up laughing, and Gabriel never touched anyone else. I never know what to do.

Gabriel and Julian's haircuts

Boys in childcare all day today, Tonya picked up Gabriel from Kids Inc (thank you!). Wish I got more done, but I got a lot more done than I would have otherwise.

Tonya has a haircutter come to her house every 2 months or so, and we've taken advantage of this service twice now. Of course, we pay for the haircuts, more than we would at Supercuts, but the convenience is completely worth it. And they've gotten great haircuts, from the same person, so it's perfect.

They are SO cute with their short little haircuts!

Gabriel and Julian's carseats

We had quite the fun day today!

First, a rare peaceful morning with the boys playing quietly in the family room.


While Gabriel built one of his towers, Julian sat and read a book. So sweet.


Then, swim class.

Julian swam across the pool completely by himself for the first time! He slides off the side of the pool, so he doesn't even get a head start by jumping in, so he really has to swim the whole way.


Then he tells teacher Gina, "I want to swim to Mommy, ONE more time," holding up his ONE finger.

In playtime, I was clawed constantly as he swam to me again and again, no matter how I tried to escape his underwater antics. I'm very much looking forward to going somewhere with a beach so that he can play and splash and enter the water gradually, so I can turn my head and not worry that he's about to drown!

After swim class, we drove to Babies'R'Us to check out carseats. On the way there, the Queen song "Bohemian Rhapsody" was on the radio, and for some reason, the boys found this song absolutely hilarious! There's a section in the middle of the song that has a lot of odd lyrics, octave changes, and funny sounds ("Let me go!!!"), and the boys listened, looking at each other, and then cracking up with each new lyric. Who knew that song was so funny.

My mission at Babies'R'Us was to experiment with various carseats on the store's sample car bench. This was useful, and gives me renewed hope that we don't have to go the minivan or full-size SUV route, at least not right away. Here I tried a booster, harnessed carseat, and infant seat together. This could work!

But, I was told that the store has a no-photo policy, apparently to ward off competitors copying their displays. Very silly in this day and age of camera phones. We won't be buying six carseats there.

After lunch, the boys played outside, and "accidentally" dumped a huge load of dirt onto the lawn, a big Dad no-no. I was working inside, and my mom-alarm went off when it was too quiet, and I found the boys busily scooping the dirt back, apparently hoping to complete the task before they were discovered. I pretended to be stern, but really, they were so cute and so earnest in their work that I was delighted, especially to see them cooperating so well together.

Later, Julian was fascinated by a bug he found stranded on the walkway ("Look mommy, a WORM!"), though he poked it well beyond a tortured death. I can just imagine him and his cousin Aidan at work uncovering critters together! Meanwhile, Gabriel was building an elaborate 3-tiered track inside.

I made a hasty dinner for everyone, then took off for my second ice skating class. I had so much fun! Today we learned about T-stops, and practiced forward crossovers. I'm getting a much better feel for the best position and the value of slightly bent knees. I'm having so much fun with this, I don't even mind that I won't be able to skate easily when Miss October comes.

Speaking of whom, Miss October is jabbing me all the time, coming up with new creative motions. It almost feels like the baby is painting the walls inside sometimes. I'm still pretty sick most of the time though, I really hate the way I feel. Fun distractions like ice-skating and swim class are essential. I really look forward to having the energy and wherewithall to chase the boys around for more than a few minutes again. Maybe in about ten years.

Julian's goggles

Today at swim class, I got Julian some goggles (conveniently, I can buy them at the swim school). His eyes were so irritated and red last time, it was essential. He took very well to them and didn't protest at all -- I was prepared for a battle remembering Gabriel's reaction to goggles, but I keep forgetting who I'm dealing with.

They worked great. After swim class and playtime, Julian's eyes were just fine, though Gabriel was very puzzled by the rings around Julian's eyes. He was even more surprised to hear that he had them too!

I'm going to repeat myself here, but both boys are doing so well in swim class. Gabriel doesn't stop smiling or laughing, and he pays attention to the teacher and makes a real effort at doing everything right, mostly obeys the teacher and really puts himself into it. The teacher has him hold a ring out on front of him, and stroke one arm at a time, grabbing the ring after each stroke. He uses his arms in a passable crawl stroke in playtime now too. But mostly, he has SO much fun. Yay Gabriel!

And Julian...this little boy has a drowning wish. I just can't keep his head above water. He takes his own breaths in class now, inconsistently, but still sort of can. Still, he comes up coughing sometimes, having tried to get a breath underwater -- but even before he's caught his breath or finished coughing, he goes right back under. If I sit him on the side, he slides into the water immediately, without making any attempt at a jump. He refuses to dive in from a stand (which Gabriel did with great enthusiasm at this age), but I think if we worked on him, he'd get over that. And, today in class, we started him on his arms, telling him to splash them, and to watch Gabriel. Though Julian isn't as natural at Gabriel at doing the motion, he listens and imitates and tries -- and he did! It was great to see him attempting to use his arms while swimming too.

But in playtime, Julian is impossible, jumping into the water nonstop, whether or not he can rescue himself. By this age, Gabriel was pretty good at jumping in from the steps and swimming back around to the steps. Not Julian, he just just jumps in, again and again and again, sometimes with a goal (like swimming to me or to the side), but rarely an attainable one. It is constant work keeping track of him and pulling him out of the water, only for him to grab a quick breath and go right back under. It is not relaxing at all! But I'm so delighted that he loves the water so much that he is in it -- well, under it -- constantly. The goggles only encourage him to go under.

Tonight I went to an outing with my Mom friends, to a place called Dream Dinners. There, we each prepared 6 meals each to bring home and freeze, made at prep stations completely outfitted with ingredients and measuring tools. And it was fun! Meantime, while I was preparing gourmet meals, the boys were at home eating mac'n'cheese, talking about Julian's new goggles.

Dave reports that after the boys' dinner, he took them both down the block, Gabriel riding his bicycle and Julian riding a tricycle. This gives me grand visions of the whole family riding together soon! Both boys have a long way to go...or do they? It can't be that far off! I'm starting to see that one thing I was really dreading about baby#3 was putting the rest of our lives on hold for a while, being back in baby mode. But the 3rd baby doesn't dominate the family dynamic, he/she can't put us into baby mode single-handedly as the 1st baby did. Gabriel and Julian are active little boys who want to do things, and I want to do things with them -- that's not going to stop because of a baby. It can't. So maybe my grand visions of snorkeling and camping and cycling aren't going to be put off for 3 years as we'd thought. Asking Gabriel and Julian to wait is too much. And yay for that!

Gabriel and Julian's "Mad World"

Some months ago, a song became a mild hit called "Mad World," sung by Gary Jules, a cover of the original song by Tears for Fears. I loved the Gary Jules version, but was curious about the original version. It appears on the Tears for Fears best hits album, which I bought and put in my car. I meant to only play it when I was alone, but one day some weeks back, Julian was in a screaming fuss about having been forcibly placed in his carseat after glaring at me like a petulant teenager with his tongue sticking out while he ran down the "get in or get put in" countdown. If there's too much kid noise in the car, I blast the grownup noise -- in this case, Tears for Fears' "Mad World." A few times of this strategy, and they both grew to like the song.

So now, Gabriel refers to it as "my favorite song." When I start the song, as soon as they hear the distinctive percussive opening, they both shout, "YES!" as though they were at a live concert. It's so cute, it makes me laugh every time. Julian actually tries to sing the music, mimicking the heavily synthesized sounds. Someday they'll be very embarrassed that 1980s pop was ever a favorite!

Speaking of singing, Gabriel and Julian have both been singing together more and more. At first, I thought they were singing songs they'd heard at Tonya's, but then I realized that some of them must come from Gabriel's preschool, and Julian picks up on them. Some of them don't sound like anything at all, and i think they're just making them up. But they sing in unison, looking at each other, occasionally laughing, reminding each other of the words. I've got to capture this on video, it's really cute. It'll be very interesting to see how they sing with their musical cousins!

Gabriel and Julian "Pump It Up"

Today our Sunday outing was to Duncan's 4th birthday party, at a place called "Pump it Up." It's a place with huge rooms with several inflatables -- slides, obstacle courses and gigantic jump houses. There must have been 30 kids invited, so it was a perfect place for a big party. The party started out in one room with various slides and jumphouses, then moved to another room with yet more, then into a banquet room for pizza and cake.

I half-expected Gabriel to get stuck in the inflatable obstacle courses, as he did in a similar thing last fall at a fair. He's really not that good at climbing up the "ladders" in those things, but this time, he did fine. He almost didn't stop laughing or running, he had such a great time tackling all the equipment.

Julian, typically, would have nothing whatsoever to do with the jump houses or obstacle course, not with me, and certainly not on his own. But, the second room had a ball play area, with nets to hold the balls and a backboard with various holes to throw the balls into. This was much more his speed, and he had a great time kicking and chasing the balls.

I did get Julian to go down one big slide, but only when I carried him up the ladder (urf) and then held him while we zoomed down. Those slides go FAST, and the stops at the bottom are not designed for adults, who barrel right over them onto their butts! Fortunately, Julian laughed the whole way. I went down with Gabriel a few times too, he loved doing that with me ("come ON, Mom!").

I love seeing them zoom around happily, what a perfect party!

Julian's soccer class

I meant to take Gabriel to the gym for a class this morning, but he woke up unusually late, at 9:00am. So, I took him to watch Julian's soccer class, as I'd wanted to see it and get some pictures anyway. It was pretty cute! They did little 5-minute drills of kicking the ball through a hoop, then having the kid go through the hoop, or chasing the grownup who had a "tail" (a cloth) in his pocket, dribbling the ball together, and of course, GOAL!

I was surprised once again, though I shouldn't be based on gymnastics class experience, at the number of parents & kids who arrive late. And, how parents of the class afterward let their kids wander onto the field and potentially get in the way before the class is completely over. I mentioned to Dave that that sort of behavior would never fly at a dojo, and he looked at me like I'd just spoken Japanese. A dojo! A martial-arts studio. Maybe even at dojos things are less formal than they used to be, but I guess I'm old-fashioned about some basic courtesies (though being on time with little kids I fully recognize as being pretty difficult...then again, we always manage, and it's not like we have particularly efficient or agreeable kids!).

Julian seemed to have a great time -- kicking a ball is definitely his thing.

Mom's new class

I did something tonight I've wanted to do ALL my life: I took an ice-skating lesson!

I signed up for a 13-week class on Thursday nights, and tonight was the first class (actually, the second one; I missed the first one). I started out in the ultra-lame class for people who've never skated, but apparently I'd learned just enough in the class Gabriel and I took for the teacher to move me to a slightly more advanced class. The new teacher was a lot better, the class was smaller, and it was a perfect level for me. I learned "edge pulls," two ways of stopping, forward crossovers and swizzles (to skate backward). Then after class, the rink opened up and I got to practice for a while, though it was pretty crowded.

I had so much fun I'm not even thinking about how difficult it will be to do stuff like that again when baby#3 comes about, though I got back to Saturday morning dance classes sooner after Julian was born than Gabriel. The only danger in skating is that the bending forward slightly feels like it could strain my fragile lower back. I'll only be skating once a week, so hopefully that won't cause any problems. Unlike roller skating, I didn't fall at all.

Time to get my own skates!

Gabriel and Julian play soccer

I had a horrible night again. Anticipating an extra increase in nightly stomach pain, I took some Tylenol with codeine that the gastroenterologist prescribed. Though the codeine mercifully made me sleepy, the pain was still great, plus nausea. It took hours to fall into a restless sleep.

But enough about me. What a breakthrough in swim class today! Julian went from being hesitant and unwilling (though never flat-out crying) to his old death-wish-drowning self. I couldn't keep him out of the water! Teacher Gina would be holding him, explaining something to me, and he'd just stick his face in the water and leave it there. No kidding, he spent more time underwater than above it, and every time he came up, he'd say again that he wanted to go back under.

In playtime, Julian did what he did constantly last year too: jump in again and again, to where I can no longer relax and just watch the kids play. Every time I turn my head, I find Julian underwater again. Julian was underwater so much that he really needs goggles: his eyes were really, really red and irritated, almost swollen shut, from the pool chemicals.

I remember that as a kid taking swim lessons in Camp Sloane's pool that I used to spend much of swim classes underwater myself. It makes me that much more excited to take the boys -- well, the kids, whatever the gender makeup ends up being -- to beautiful seas to snorkel and maybe even scuba dive. I want to do that so much with them that baby#3 or not, we probably will do it when the boys are old enough (Hawaii! Carribean! New Zealand!). I was thinking first of Gabriel, but my guess is that Julian will be my diving buddy.

These boys are going to grow up swimming, partly because I like it so much and will continue to put them in lessons, but also because they like it so much. Really, of all activities I've done with them, they've both taken so well to swimming.

I'm so excited that I just found a few lakes with beaches and even lifeguards, one as close as Fremont, less than half an hour's drive away. And it won't be cold in Fremont in the summer!

It feels like the first day of summer -- it's warm and beautiful, still green, birds are chirping and flowers are blooming. The boys had lunch outdoors today, then Julian wanted to play with a bouncy new ball. This attracted Gabriel, who of course took it away. I made Gabriel give the ball back and ask Julian nicely if he wanted to play, and they did! They actually kicked the ball back and forth, playing "soccer."

Gabriel lost interest before long and pursued trucks instead, but it was so nice to see them really playing back and forth together -- and with physical distance between them preventing the inevitable bashing and wailing!

Mom has a banner day

Today both boys were in daycare all day. Tonya is so nice and picks Gabriel up at Kids Inc at 1pm, so I don't even have to go get him to take him to Tonya's for the afternoon! Another good reason to put Gabriel at Kids Inc: the location really can't be beat. And I really, really needed the time; the remodel is now being held up for lack of decisions and ordering things.

First I had a regular appointment with Maria, where she listened to Miss October's heartbeat and said it was great, and she could hear lots of baby movement. Then I drove to The Moulding Company to order door casing, baseboard and picture moulding, having a nice chat with Andreas along the way. Then I went to Tile Fantastic to finalize tile ordering...or so I thought. It was only 11:15am, but I was wracked with painful hunger. All I needed was a little snack, and was drawn in by a sign for a pizzeria. Turned out to be a very nice little Italian restaurant, where I enjoyed soup and salad and a rare peaceful lunch. Then to the tile place, then to the cabinet maker's place to get countertop samples, then to check out a gym with yoga classes...and finally, home to make phone calls and shop online for light fixtures.

Though I was painfully sick most of the day, I had just enough resolve to keep busy, concentrate, and be productive -- far easier than taking care of the boys all day, which drains me. Usually I can fit in a few other things when I have the boys all day, but they've been draining my meager resources with the constant timeouts (two for Gabriel just since starting this message). It felt great not to be lying on our bed feeling sick all afternoon. I didn't even want to look at our bed; I associate it with confinement and disability. Our room smells like a sickroom to me now.

My great day being busy and productive was another writing-on-the-wall reminder that I'm probably one of those Moms I hoped I wouldn't be: happier working than being a full-time Mom. Perhaps it's not fair to compare. I'm not unhappy being a full-time Mom, despite the recent challenges, but I really was happy working. I wish I could be more like Lacy or Stephanie and be completely fulfilled from just being with my amazing children, but it seems pretty clear that I do a lot better with some concentrated, productive time (not to mention it'd be nice to resume a second income). I should drop the guilt and just face facts.

Hmmm...then again, look at the examples I chose: Lacy and Stephanie, who have two of the sweetest, most sensitive firstborn boys I've ever heard of. Maybe if I had a Nick or Aidan, instead of a Gabriel (who's now locked in his room for the 3rd time in two hours), this job wouldn't seem quite so draining! Meanwhile, Julian is happily singing away in the family room, enjoying a few minutes' respite from his bossy older brother.

At dinner, I tried something Andreas told me his mother did with his family, and that the Engels now do: ask each person what the most interesting thing they did today was. Gabriel didn't entirely understand what to do, and said something about a fire engine last week, but I prompted him about a pirate playset that Tonya told me he'd played with all day. Julian actually responded more directly, saying that today he went to Tonya's. I think that's a great way to direct conversation away from the constant "poop butt" talk we get at the table these days, at least for a few minutes!

Once again, no photos. Tomorrow, I promise.

Gabriel and Julian's timeouts

I keep thinking about the child psychologist advising us to disengage, walk away from most conflicts with Gabriel, though safety issues, such as holding hands to cross the street, are truly nonnegotiable. But as I go through the day, I see one thing after another that to me is also nonnegotiable -- from serious things like not closing the car door while Julian is getting out, to things like washing his hands before dinner. I don't want Gabriel to learn that if he throws a fit, he can get out of basic rules.

Such as getting dressed. Today after swim class, Gabriel turned his head and closed his eyes when I told him to put his clothes on. He was probably kidding around, but he continued to ignore me as I warned him several times that after Julian was dressed, we were leaving. And I did -- I packed Gabriel's clothes into our bag, last, then took both boys by the hand, and led them out to the car. I'm sure we made quite the spectacular entrance into the pool area, with me holding a naked and protesting Gabriel. It wasn't until we were at the car that he agreed to put his clothes on. Is getting dressed another thing I should just disengage from?

After swim class, I brought both boys to Tonya's. It's becoming urgent now that I take care of remodeling details that I've put off for weeks from being so sick. I'm still not feeling well, but without the boys, I have just enough energy to make that phone call or visit that plumbing supply store. Also, I had an appointment with a gastroenterologist to talk about all the pain and discomfort I've been in. He called for more tests and made some good suggestions on how to treat each of various gastric ailments.

But once again, after I picked the boys up, I had a hard time getting them out of the car. This has really becoming a bugaboo -- it takes 10 minutes, lots of countdowns, reminders and threats to get them both out of the car and into the house, for one stupid reason after another. This time, Julian insisted on getting out Gabriel's side, Gabriel insisted on "holding" the door for him, but he's very close to closing the door on Julian's fingers. This devolved into a now very regular and very, very tiresome pattern. Gabriel goes on timeout for not listening, then backtalk, doesn't stay, is put in his room (I always have to carry him, and my back won't take much more of that), doesn't stay, gets locked in, he lies on his back and kicks the door, I take his shoes and warn him not to kick the door, and if he does again, he gets spanked (which has finally curtailed the kicking, it didn't used to). When it's time to get him out, he routinely refuses to listen or apologize, turning into another round of staying in his room, then locked in again if he doesn't stay. We go through this painful pattern with him every day now, for something as simple as backtalk ("You're NASTY, Mom") that starts it. And I do ignore a lot of backtalk; it's the very directed talk like that when he's just been scolded for something else (such as grabbing Julian's neck) that kicks it all off.

What would SuperNanny do? Even Julian won't sit in timeout anymore, and I go through Supernanny's method of putting him back again and again and again, and it's incredibly disruptive and exhaustive. The whole idea behind these methods is that you only have to go through the pain a few times, then the kids learn that you're not going to back down. But certainly Gabriel doesn't learn that -- we go through the painful process every time he does something bad. Julian's a little different; he gets so distraught that he won't sit in timeout, sobbing "sorry! sorry!" and trying to walk away from his "naughty spot." Sometimes moving him to a new spot, or talking to him calmly and telling him that if he sits, he can come out soon, will do it. But the whole idea that they'll eventually learn and sit in timeout hasn't happened here. I really wish I could find a way to curtail these long, and now-daily, disciplinary sessions with both of them.

I went to Tuesday Dinner tonight with our old moto-friends. It was at Hobee's, a restaurant that Dave doesn' t like, so he took the boys to Pizza & Pipes while I went to dinner alone. I used to go to Tuesday Dinner alone all the time, but it felt weird being there without Dave -- I haven't done that in years! I needed time off from the boys tonight, it was good.

Sorry, no photos today.

Julian's rainbows

This morning at breakfast, Julian took apple slices out of the bowl, took one bite from the middle, and then set the slices peel-up on the table. "Look!" he exclaimed. "Rainbows!"

Dave and I had our final appointment with the child psychologist, Dr. Laurie today. The long and short of it is that while there are some aspects of Gabriel's play that raise some red flags (such as his lack of symbolic play, like making rainbows out of apple slices), there's nothing that needs treatment or anything. We'll keep an eye on it, and if any problems develop, we'll contact the school district for a cognitive assessment. One interesting thing is that his speech delay rules out the Asperger's variety of spectrum disorders. The things we needed help with, which were his tantrums and conflicts, have improved a great deal. This is the second time we've sought professional help for behavior problems, only for them to sort themselves out right around our first appointment!

Julian's just figured out how to pedal a tricycle. He goes around the house now, very slowly and deliberately -- that particular tricycle isn't that easy to pedal -- dismounting from time to time when he hits a dead end or has to reposition it. I'm glad; it's a nice sign that outings with the whole family on wheeled vehicles (with baby#3 in a trailer or baby seat) is in sight.

After another troublesome get-down-for-nap episode with Julian (which turned into a 3-hour nap!), I came downstairs to find that Gabriel had decided to take a nap too -- right on the living-room floor!

Tonya's back open, no one was sick today, and I actually had a little time at home alone without anyone here. I'm torn between joy and relief, and guilt at this joy and relief! I've been very short with the boys lately, because I'm still constantly uncomfortable and tired, and Gabriel's new rambunctiousness can be very wearing, though I always enjoy his energy and joie de vivre, even at the same time he's using it for irritating purposes.

I'm now entirely certain that baby#3 is trying to burrow his/her way out. The movements are like sudden tiny jabs, with much more force than you'd expect for someone who's only 3 inches long. I recall now that Julian was like that too, but Gabriel was calmer at first, like he was just feeling his way around. Goes to show how little in-utero movement says about the kid later! Then again, later, Gabriel's movements were much quicker and more frequent, whereas Julian's were slower but grander, causing a lot more pressure. Of course, this baby has already done a marvelous job of making itself known.

Gabriel and Julian go to Shoreline

I had a horrible night last night, awake and tossing and turning in pain for about an hour, setting us up for a screwed-up day. I tried to sleep late, but Julian was being testy and difficult, and I finally groggily got up to make the usual Sunday morning fare. Finally by 1:30, usually Julian's naptime, I got the boys' shoes on and took them out. I needed to get out more than they did, I think!

At the last minute, I had a brainstorm: Shoreline park in Mountain View. It has a sailing lake, for windsurfing and boating, and trails along the bay where you can bike, rollerblade, and birdwatch. First we went to the sailing lake, where I discovered you can rent a paddleboat for $16 an hour -- I'd have done it with the boys if we were better prepared with windbreakers! Next time.


We walked around the lake, then on a paved trail and found a little kids play area. After some running around, boat-watching and a snack, we made our way back across a field, then along another trail back to the car.



Nice cloudy days are a common occurrence here these days, and something I've come to enjoy (especially for photos, though I didn't get many good ones). We'll certainly have to go back when we're prepared to go on the boat, I think the boys will love that!

I noted with a twinge that all the boats (paddleboats, kayaks and rowboats) seat only 4 people.