1/25/07 Normal day?

97.8 this morning, and it held all day. I was almost nervous about checking my temperature, dreading the triple digits.

Music class was much better; teacher Danny had memorized the songs and was much more engaging. Still trouble with managing the time, but he seems responsive to suggestion, which I'll give him next time if he runs late again. Julian had a great time in class today, and sang the new songs in the car all the way home. I haven't played the Drum CD for him once yet. That's the trouble with being sick for a week, stuff like that falls through the cracks.

Kids Inc kept Gabriel all day, and I had Julian and Katrina all day. Katrina wasn't great today, lots of crying for reasons she wouldn't reveal to me.

I'm also getting worried about nighttime sleep -- after a great start, she's gone way backward and now sleeps for shorter stretches than she ever has. The Babywise book says a 3-month-old would now be sleeping 10-12 hours a night, having fallen into that naturally after dropping nighttime feedings. All she's done is added nighttime crying times. I usually get her back to sleep with the pacifier, but that's starting not to work, and is definitely starting a pacifier dependency that could be more of a curse than a blessing.

In some ways, it's a relief that she doesn't respond to being bounced around and rocked, or I could fall into doing that at 3am again, for months...oh please no. People say those nighttime moments end up being warm memories of you alone with your baby? How's this warm memory for you: I got up, got dressed into war clothes (sweatpants, sweatshirt, warm socks), tucked a small pillow under the sweatshirt to protect my chest, put earplugs in, and then alternately sat, stood, bounced, jumped, and swung a screaming Gabriel starting at around 1am. That's not what I call a good memory of being alone with my baby in the middle of the night.

Incredibly, Julian's nap and Katrina's only stretch of nap today coincided perfectly, allowing me to rest for a while. I even had time for breakfast afterward (at 3pm!) without being disturbed.

I spent some time upstairs with the two younger kids after Julian's nap, only got two crummy photos. Katrina had been wearing an adorable yellow corduroy blouse, but it got too wet from all the drool and spitup. This funky onesie from Spain was one of 4 she went through today. I hate bibs on babies, but this "fountain of youth" might well need it.

Julian LOVES smiling at Katrina.


This all gave me strength for skating tonight, which I wasn't going to miss even if I had to do it from a wheelchair. The rest and food didn't give me as much strength as I thought, as I got tired quickly, but I got into some good rhythms in practice after the lesson and felt OK about my unsteady back crossovers.

Under the worst possible photographic conditions, taken by, I'm sorry to say, the worst possible photographer, a photo still managed to get taken of my back crossover attempts. I wonder how they'll feel when my skates are broken in enough that I can lace them all the way? Right now, the ankles are completely unlaced.



Better yet, a video. Dave managed to catch one of my better moments without the helicopter arms. Still pretty darned shaky though!


Now I just have to gather myself for Gabriel's party on Sunday, and start preparing for mine and Katrina's trip to Tucson, also on Sunday.

Happy 5th Birthday Cousin Aidan!!

1/25/07

1/24/07 The Conspiracy

99.7 this morning.

Today was another rare day Tonya took Katrina this morning, so I could go to Urgent Care for this persistent fever. We had cleaners coming, but that was OK: they'd be close to done when I'd get home, and then I'd get a precious baby-free REST until Katrina-pickup at 12:30.

That plan was complicated by our contractors coming this morning to whittle down the punchlist. Not a morning I really had time to mark out bathroom accessories, but I tried to swallow my aggravation. After all, when will they ever come back?

I went to Urgent Care and was seen pretty quickly. The doctor didn't find anything obviously wrong; a little nose and throat redness, but lungs and glands are clear. He said long fevers aren't usually viral and prescribed me an antibiotic.

Looking very forward to a solid hours' nap, I got home to discover that the cleaner was nowhere near done downstairs. Usually, it's a crew of two, but today it was just one lady, and she had at least an hours' worth of work to do downstairs. Usually then I'd nap upstairs, but the carpenters were here today! I was livid at this fate. Of ALL DAYS!

I ended up parking my car around the corner and trying to catch a few winks crumpled up in the driver's seat, furious at this awful confluence of circumstance hat tied up our upstairs and downstairs simultaneously.

When I picked up Katrina, she was all giggles and smiles, having had a great time at Tonya's. But she was clearly tired, and went down for a nice nap around 1pm, no complaining. But I still couldn't rest, because I was expecting our heating company to come check out why the kids' rooms are so cold and our room so hot upstairs. It was a 2-hour appointment window that wound up precisely coinciding with Katrina's nap. Again, no rest for me. My frustration was explosive. It was no one individuals' fault, but I was in desperate, desperate need to lie down and huddle under covers.

To make matters worse, the worst fever I've had yet started building this afternoon. I became so chilled and achy that all I could do this afternoon was sit around on the bed with baby. By evening, I was up over 103 and could barely move.

Dave took the boys out for dinner, and I tried to lie down for the tail end of another Katrina nap, which of course ended a few minutes later. Nursing her was excruciating because it meant peeling off layers, and I was really really chilled.

I was starting to get fearful, remembering articles I've read about people who die suddenly from mysterious bacterial infections. I've had temperatures before, but never any that lasted more than a few hours. For a long time there, I went years and years without a fever. They're more livable than I'd thought, as they're cyclical, and I'm almost getting used to a semi-feverish state of under 101 or so (and my normal temp is below 98 to start with). When a new one is building with chills, it's very hard to function. The down cycle of sweating is a lot easier to live with.

Finally this evening, this last temp broke and turned into a cold sweat, giving me enough energy just to type into this blog. Everything else has to wait: email, checking out the upstairs...even really enjoying my kids. I tried today to sit and talk with Gabriel while I warmed up with some tea, but couldn't concentrate and had to resort to a lot of "ohhh, I seeee" sorts of comments.

At least the contractors fixed my tub jets, yay! And the heat guy did balance the heat system upstairs, also a good thing. And, the house, while not clean, is under control. So in the end, I'm glad all the people working here today got done what they did. But couldn't they have arranged it a little less perfectly to prevent me from resting?

Gabriel's tried underpants the last 3 nights, the last two if which, he's been dry!!

I'm down to 100.5 now, a nice break after the misery of this afternoon. At least I distracted myself a little with pictures. And there is nothing like my beautiful baby's smile to cheer me up.





Katrina is starting to make the funniest sounds! And, some really funny facial expressions, sucking her whole lower lip in, for instance. This is so much like what Gabriel did as a baby that it's almost surreal. She has more energy and less focus than he did, but the similarities are still overwhelming. Everyone says they're all different -- let's hope so!

1/24/07

From worse to better

No photos AGAIN today?! Worthless!

Last night was busy busy, getting Katrina's things ready for a morning at Tonya's, so that Dave and I could meet with our estate lawyer. Since Katrina didn't give me a moment yesterday to pump, I tested formula on her last night. Nothing doing. So amidst all the other preparations last night, I managed to pump, but not enough for a whole morning. I hate pumping, and it hates me too. I set up the pump so that I could sneak in first thing in the morning and pump before Katrina woke up.

Going to bed was more of the same: shivering and difficulty falling asleep with a temp hovering around 102. But that wasn't the worst of it: every time I started to fall asleep, I was woken with coughing. (After all, what would a Noemi illness be if it doesn't include a serious cough?)

After 3 hours, I finally took my strong, strong cough medicine, which knocked my cough -- and me -- flat and let me sleep. At 6am I woke up, baby was asleep, perfect opportunity to pump the rest needed for the morning. I felt absolutely awful and freezing and tired in indescribable ways, dragging out of bed for the decidedly unpleasant procedure. The things we do for our babies!

Sitting pumping, I was hit with a wave in my head, fought it, then next thing I knew, I was on the floor with a bloody nose. The next thing I knew after that was Dave trying to rouse me from a back-lying position. I must have turned the pump off and repositioned myself after passing out, pitching forward, and face-planting on the cushy rug. I was too weak to stand up or really use my arms, but I managed to sort of crawl back to bed while Dave took care of the boys.

On top of it, Dave got a phone call from his Aunt Helen that Dave's father is in the hospital, and has been for 5 days! Dave called Laura and told her too, further adding to our morning complications.

At 8am, Katrina was still asleep, and I had juuuust enough time to try pumping again before we had to leave at 9 to make our appointment. This time I was dead-tired, but not about to pass out.

Despite this, we made it to our lawyer appointment, and it was very productive. It actually felt good to be concentrating and thinking and holding a conversation without always having an ear tuned for baby.

And I still had a 101 temperature.

When we got home, I had a rare opportunity to really, really sleep, until Dave returned with Katrina and Gabriel around 1pm. A nice solid hour and a half of sleep made such a big difference, I haven't had that in days.

And when Dave brought my baby home this afternoon...my goodness! Was she ever in a good mood! I think she loved being at Tonya's with all the kids to watch and all the things to smile at. She was positively beaming, which is exactly what I needed. Then she napped soundly all afternoon, allowing me more rest. Thank heavens. I needed it, since from 5pm on, it was nonstop work taking care of dinner and kids and getting the house ready for the cleaners tomorrow. Figures they'd come on a rare day I won't have any kids here, but I will be so happy to see upstairs start to look like home again.

Through all this, my temp went up over 103, then dipped to 100, but never went away.

Tomorrow, Tonya will take Katrina for the morning, Julian all day, and Gabriel will be at Kids Inc in the morning. This gives me a chance to go to Urgent Care without the dreadful prospect of a long waiting-room wait with a grumpy unsoothable baby. Three days and four nights of temperature is enough.

Last I checked I was at 101. But it was still a good day.

1/23/07

1/22/07 More awful day

I burned with a fever all night, and woke up shivering, but feeling a little better. Still, the thermometer reported a 101 temp. We arranged to have the boys in daycare all day, and I planned to rest every second Katrina slept.

Which amounted to about 45 minutes total, and full of interruptions at that. More of the same from last night: she just would not nap today. A short nap in the morning, but then she was up from 11:30am - 5pm, minus two 10-minute car snoozes (one deliberate out of desperation). I couldn't believe it. That's less than toddlers sleep! Why does she pick the days I'm sick to do this?! I got desperate enough to drive her down and nurse her to sleep, neither of which worked.

By 5pm she finally caved, and thankfully Dave picked the boys up so I could squeeze in a few minutes...only to be interrupted by the demands of dinner and little boys. On top of it, the fever returned in the evening, and it remains as I type (going on 48 hours now). I hate my life -- I just can't take care of myself in even the smallest way, and I can't enjoy my gorgeous little bundle of energy. I managed to squeeze in some phone calls today, but I kept wandering and sounding incoherent, not to mention coughing, and gave up on that.

Tomorrow morning, we're planning for Tonya to take Katrina and Julian for a meeting with a lawyer to finalize our estate plan. We haven't cancelled, but two things stand in the way. One, I'm still sick. Two, Katrina would not take a bottle of formula tonight, which I'd counted on so that I could pump tonight (as finding 20 contiguous minutes to pump today was impossible). Three, we're not really prepared for this meeting. C- for us. But, if Reasons One and Two line up, we're going, Reason Three or not. We'll never do this otherwise.

Gabriel pulled out his Gabriel-ness tonight, refusing to go pee and wash his hands before dinner. He was threatened numerous times with going upstairs straight to bed (that's the rule if they claim they're too tired to sit down to dinner), but continued to refuse, even as I pulled him up the stairs. Of course he wouldn't stay in bed, so I locked him in to make the point -- he didn't realize we could do that again. But then he started throwing things at the door and trashing his room. He got a nice spank for that. Then he'd say he was ready, I'd take him to the batrhoom, and he'd refuse once again. This impasse went on for about half an hour, until he finally, finally gave in and agreed to go pee and wash his hands, and sat down to dinner. Which he ate all of.

This was a clear-cut case of the same old thing of seeking conflict and resisting for the sake of resisting. A rational kid who claims he wants dinner and to be reunited with his Teddy Bear waiting for him in the dining room would have simply done what we asked. Going pee and washing hands is something they have to do every night, it's not like this was some horrible new imposition. It's also the part of the day I hate the most, since it always, always takes work to get them to cooperate. Often I can make it fun and often they'll just do it happily, but much of the time, it's hard to wrench them away from playing (yes I give them advance notice which does no good at all), and then there are the times like tonight that Gabriel takes it on as a project to resist. I really didn't need that from him today.

I'm rambling...it's easier to sit here and type than it is to get ready for tomorrow! But incredibly, Katrina has been asleep for about 20 minutes.

no photos today.

1/22/07

1/21/07 Another wasted Sunday

I woke up this morning around 2am, uncomfortably cold. An extra blanket didn't help, and then I realized: I'm not cold from the outside, I'm chilled from the inside. I was half-awake the rest of the night with a temperature, which persisted all day and evening. My teeth and ears ache, I'm alternately hot and cold, I've had excruciating headaches (not migraines though, a blessing -- it is different)...and it continues even now.

But of course, life goes on. Babies don't understand that Mom is sick. Dave did most little-boy childcare today, taking the boys to Bobbi's for breakfast, putting Julian down for a nap and entertaining them the rest of the day, plus some time walking a fussy Katrina around outside. Still, I can't just stay in bed and feel sorry for myself all day, not when I'm nursing an energetic 3-month-old.

Katrina (and I) really needed to get out, so our one outing was a walk to Starbucks (oh joy). I put her in our regular stroller for the first time -- it is so much better than the snap-n-go! Julian was very cooperative -- his only time today -- and it gave Dave some time off from the two. One or the other boy is fun, but together...ugh. Still.

Gabriel discovered even and odd numbers today, starting from miscounting 9 eyelets on his sneakers. This led to a discussion about the difference between even and odd, and from there he was mostly getting them right when quizzed -- even large numbers in the 1000s. Mostly, he gets really excited about being asked. I'm not sure how he figures it out; he certainly thinks about it, but doesn't seem to know yet about the easy way to tell. The concept is certainly there though.

Katrina is juuust starting to grab things, and tonight, even attempt to put them in her mouth. Mostly, her hand gets hooked on something and then she puts her hand to her mouth, but you can see the wheels turning.

Her wheels turned way, way too much tonight. She hasn't done this in weeks, but she was full of energy and showed no signs of wanting to go to bed tonight -- on a night that I had been waiting for hours to lie down and huddle feverishly under blankets. The time I had mastitis, the same thing happened. It is so frustrating to have to wait for so, so long just to lie down when you're feeling so, so bad! As I type, she is finally asleep, thanks to Dave, and I just took a nice warm bath. But I'm still cold and chilled. This fever hasn't broken all day. This is not a good time. We have numerous appointments and commitments this week, not to mention Gabriel's birthday party and my trip to Tucson on Sunday.

So I'd better quit typing and just get to bed. Apologies to the many people who sent email and I haven't answered.

1/21/07

1/20/07 The stained-glass window

We got our stained-glass window today!

The motivation for a stained-glass window was to obscure a line of sight our neighbors have into our hall, and it turned into "la piece de resistance" in this whole remodeling project. John, the stained-glass artist, explained that the design is inspired by of a series of balloon-confetti designs by Frank Lloyd Wright in the 1910 "Coonley House" in Minnesota.

Since this was a private commission, and a very special thing we'll want to keep, John installed it hanging with hooks, so that we can take it with us when we move, even though it's designed to fit into the stairwell window.

First, the window itself.



Carrying it up the stairs.

Lifting it carefully onto the ladder.

Hanging it in place.

John, the artist, and Theresa, his right-hand gal.

Our window!


It will create all sorts of interesting colored shadows on the hall walls, but still lets a lot of light through to the only truly sunny space in our house.




Tough day today, mostly due to lack of sleep. Dave pooped out on our movie last night, so I watched Les Choristes (let's hear it for Netflix's 2-at-a-time plan!), an excellent movie that had my mind spinning all night. Les Choristes is a movie about troubled young boys at a boarding school, some orphaned, which, combined with Tonya's divorce, and some other awful news (a childhood playmate of mine lost her 20-year-old son to suicide last year), made me edgy and stressed about family, especially on a night that Gabriel and Julian weren't there. Add to that nightmares about hurricanes, it made what little continuous sleep Katrina allowed very fitful.

So, early to bed tonight. I can't wait to see our window in the morning sun tomorrow.

1/20/07

1/19/07 Sleepover night/day

Nice relaxed day, with no kid pickups! Still, I got a lot less done than I'd anticipated. Silly me, I keep forgetting how much time a baby takes. But such delightful time, much of it spent playing face-games, smiling, making silly sounds. I do believe she's starting to chuckle.

I took Katrina to the Y for a good solid workout, the first good thorough one since my back injury. Then Katrina slept much of the afternoon; I caught up on things and made minor headway cleaning up and moving in upstairs. She was in fine form today, smiling broadly when she woke up from naps, making lots of adorable -- and loud! -- sounds.

Everyone who meets her comments how smiley she is, and indeed it seems she likes nothing better than smiling back and forth. A very social, outgoing baby. (Hmm, I have a cute photo of her, but for some reason, Blogspot's already very poor photo-uploading system isn't working at all right now.)

(OK, added it in later)


Good news! Uncle Ronan is coming for a short visit on Feb.1st!

But bad news otherwise...Tonya's moving, which isn't bad by itself, but it's because of a divorce. Solid family life is so important to her (they have 3 daughters, ages 8, 11 and 14), my heart goes out to all the Howards. Tonya's daycare/preschool will continue to operate, and thank goodness for that. She really loves kids, and that will help keep her grounded through a tough time.

Dave and I are about to watch a Netflix movie. Life is returning to normal. Funny that nowadays, normal life includes Netflix.

1/20/07

1/18/07 Music class

hoo, I'm tired. Fun skating class tonight, despite expected pain from my new ice skates. Dave and I went to Olarn Thai Cuisine, which was so-so. This after bailing from a Japanese Tapas place near our house, in a crummy little strip mall, with only a sign that says Karaoke...but it was so packed inside that we didn't wait and ended up at the Thai place. Maybe next time.

Music class this morning....brand new teacher, and he wasbrand new. He needs more training, at the very least: memorizing the songs, keeping class time on track, varying the physical movements and gestures during repeated choruses, not getting distracted by kids running. Music Together is so expensive that I think we're owed higher quality. Even Julian, usually a zombie during class, ended up running around the classroom in a circle, laughing -- during the lullaby!

Good day otherwise, back is healing and I had all 3 kids this afternoon. Though that's always more work and sometimes stress, I also feel more settled and contented knowing that they're all home with me.

Still...sleepover tomorrow, yay!

1/18/07

1/17/07 Back to exercise

I dared attempt a conditioning class today, which was challenging mostly in lugging the carseat and Katrina into the gym. I am very close to chucking that heavy thing, I so much prefer a regular carseat! But Katrina is a little young to be carried around everywhere, she still needs two hands, and she still sleeps just enough that it's useful to have her in the infant carrier. Not for long though.


In fact, more and more I've left the carseat in the car and just carried Katrina wherever we were going, though with little boys in tow, it seems I often need to carry other things.

In any case, the conditioning class felt great, though bending down to pick up weights put some strain on my back. I used lighter weights than usual, and moved gingerly through the class, but it was definitely a plus to have done it, even at diminished capacity. I expect that tomorrow I'll be myself again, and even if I'm not, I'm still skating!

Today the strangest thing happened. In the afternoon, Gabriel fell asleep on the family room floor. I put Katrina down for a nap, and it was a fine time for me to lie down too. So for a time, we were all three asleep. This is a very common scenario for us in the afternoon (Julian was at Tonya's).

(I'll add here that Katrina has been waking up more and more, including times when it's clear she's not hungry. The boys started night-sleep trouble around this age too, so I'm deeply fearful that I'm in for months and months of being tired all the time from constant sleep interruption. So I look for any opportunity to lie down.)

When I got up, I heard Gabriel crying softly, and went to see what was wrong. He was dejectedly cleaning up his train tracks, crying without tears, just slightly more than a whine. This is the sort of crying he does occasionally if he breaks or tears something he cares about. I asked him what was wrong, and he looked at me and said, "I'm lonely." I probed him more, and he'd thought he was alone in the house! I wasn't in sight when he woke up from his floor nap, so he assumed I was gone. He wasn't fearful or distressed, just sad. It was so strange! I sat and held him and rocked him for a long, long time, and told him many times that I'd never leave him, and he just snuggled me and said calmly, "OK, mom." He didn't cry or complain, he just quietly curled up in my lap. Even when he's vulnerable, he's tough!

For dinner, I continued a con I tried last week: "green french fries." It worked, though the boys tried to eat the buttery green beans with their fingers, a la French Fries. Still, they both consumed the vegetable without complaint. Yay! And then, more music to my ears, from Julian: "Mommy, can I please have some more fish?" They both downed the baked tilapia I made. That makes up for the frozen fish sticks I just got, even though they're Trader Joe's and the ingredients are pretty good.

No contractors for two days now...turns out, the painters are done (FINALLY!!!!!), and we're down to punchlist items. Still, a big thing still left is the bifold doors for the laundry area, that would have been done by now except that the wrong doors came in. So now we're waiting for those doors. We could move upstairs now, but then when the guys come for the final items, they'll be trying to start work upstairs while we're still taking showers and getting dressed. After 13 months living downstairs, you'd think a few more weeks would be no big deal, right? On the contrary, every day irritates me more and more. I want to move up!

The boys' room sure is small (11x13) with both their beds in there, and worse than that, there's very little wall space. I'm starting to e-shop for bunk beds for them.

1/17/07

1/16/07 Healing

I went to physical therapy today at 7:15am, which helped a lot. My back is now sore all over, but it's just muscles (not joint). With more ice and heat, by the end of the day, I could stand up mostly straight, but still couldn't carry much, especially not Katrina. I asked Kids Inc to keep Gabriel all day, since I couldn't handle the boys together. One or the other, fine, but both together is 100 times as hard.

Baby was fussy and hard to please today, I think because she hasn't been out of the house in two days.

Julian's one big outing was out front to pick an orange, though he played in the backyard for a while afterward.

While outside, I was struck by an orange. Not literally, but it stood out boldly from the others. I didn't know how to compose the photo, nor crop it later to adjust for poor composition. It's like drawing: I'm a very creative artist in my head, but I absolutely can't make my hand transfer a drawing in my head onto paper. I feel like I'm in a foreign country struggling to speak the language, and I have a lot to say even though I'm illiterate.

I should be able to stand up completely tomorrow, and maybe even carry Katrina around comfortably. And, exercise again! I've been doing a few minutes here and there of exercises on the floor, but that doesn't compare to a session at the Y. But absolutely no stationary bicycling.

1/16/07

1/15/07 Mom takes a bath

It was time! My brand-new bathroom has been awaiting for months, and tonight I decided to try it out. I've hesitated because it's still partly a work zone; there's still new dust every day, and, well, I feel funny putting all my personal little indulgences around the bathtub when there are still strange guys in and out of there!

But my injured back demanded it. I've spent all day doing nothing, saving whatever strength I have to lug a bewildered Katrina around from place to place, dangling in my arms like a lion cub. I lay down whenever I could, knowing from regrettable experience that time off my back is essential for healing. Gabriel was wonderful today, despite the lack of entertainment, playing on his own for hours. I felt bad when I did join him, and he'd say, "Oh I'm so glad you're here now Mom. I was lonely!"

I was a little nervous testing out my new bathtub: the time and expense of this remodel puts a lot of pressure on everything being great. But I got over that quickly when I remembered why I'd chosen that particular tub: it is comfortable! It was great taking a bath in a tub that I could actually fill. The controls are a little too high; I have to really reach to turn the water on and off. My sitting-shower concept (a handshower placed low enough to act as a shower when you're sitting in the bath) works great. But my bathtub's jets didn't work!! Wah!! I really needed that. Another item for the punchlist.


I didn't dare attempt going anywhere today, so had to settle for sitting in the backyard to give Katrina, and myself, fresh air. Gabriel discovered this adorable hand-me-down hat for Katrina, and thought it would be really funny for him to put on. And it was!

Of course, if I'm essentially on bedrest, there's still one thing I can do with baby: photos! Not the ones in which I stand over her, but I had to take some pictures, since she was being pretty cute.

I took one with my hand in it, on purpose. If Mom is any indication, I will probably age pretty well....except my hands. They are every bit my 43 years, and then some. (I'm in good company though; look closely at Sarah Jessica Parker's hands in Sex and the City.) So I faced up to it and took a picture with my wrinkled old hand in it, next to my perfect little baby.

This kicked off a series of hand shots. These were quite difficult to take, since Katrina was in full wiggles-and-kicks mode!






















But there's a lot of potential there. I have a lot of idea for hand shots now -- if only I could get her to cooperate! Still, she found these finger antics pretty interesting.




















Gabriel can never get enough of his little sister, and helped me a lot today entertaining her.


Without Julian around, Gabriel was a perfect angel today, though he was quite glad to see Julian when Dave brought Julian home. In fact, Julian came up and gave Gabriel a kiss hello! While I was luxuriating in my bath, it was quite heartwarming to hear them downstairs running madly after each other, laughing and shouting and excitedly yammering out ideas for play and mischief. Ah, little boys.

Tomorrow will probably be another bust, but I plan to be standing up tall again on Wednesday.

1/15/07

1/14/07 Back out!

Bloody hell. Yesterday I was flying high, feeling great about being able to run again...today, I'm hobbling around bent completely over, unable to lift or carry anything or reach up. Did I say I spent 6 minutes on a stationary bike yesterday, despite my risky sacro-iliac joint? Well, that's what I get for tempting fate!

This time the trigger wasn't as benign as the others. I was trying to lift a heavy piece of the crib up the stairs when I felt the toing. But still, I know what it's like to wrench your back lifting something heavy -- it hurts, you stop, it aches for a few hours, it goes away. This is completely different. I can't straighten my body at all, even under no load (as in water). Past experience says it will be a few days before I can stand straight again.

Last time this happened, Julian was a crawling toddler (about 17 months old) who needed to be carried, but he was too heavy and I had to get Peggy to help me for a few days. This time, Katrina is light enough that I can clutch her against my chest and move her from place to place, but that's about it.

Just sitting here typing is pretty painful. Dave took Katrina and Gabriel to Safeway for our usual Sunday shopping, and I'm about to tackle dinner, somehow. I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow.

1/14/07

1/13/07 Running around

This morning my usual Saturday morning snooze was foiled by Katrina's nose. She has enough of a stuffy nose to disrupt her sleep, and hence, mine. This morning I must have sucked a thimbleful of snot out of her nose.

So I took her to the Y and snuck in a quick workout, including an indulgent 6 minutes on a regular stationary bike. It's risky for my fragile sacro-iliac joint, but all the treadmills were taken. I'd forgotten how much I like cycling! Then some treadmill time, which reminded me how much I don't like that. It's boring. Odd that I don't find swimming and stationary cycling boring, but treadmill is? I suspect an MP3 player would solve that.

I made it to Gabriel's gymnastics class just in time to see him get stamps on his hands at the end. But, I was surprised to hear from Kristi and Stacey that Gabriel is pretty good at it. That could be because he's been doing it for a while and is older than most of the kids in his class (even though he's still among the smallest), but maybe he's really taken to it. He was never much of a climber and was slow to learn coordinated things, but once he does learn, he learns well if he likes it. I was thinking of putting him in something else (he's very inconsistent when I ask him what he wants to do), but maybe we'll try more gymnastics. His skinny short build might be perfect for that.

After gymnastics, we took the boys, and Katrina, to the little playground outside the building. It was cold today! 45 degrees here is not only unusual, but feels colder than I remember 45 degrees feeling back East. So we didn't stay long, but I did try to get some pictures, and ran around with the boys a little.

To my delight, I discovered a payoff from my treadmill torture: trotting across a field doesn't knock me flat anymore. Even before my miserable pregnancy, I pretty much never ran, except for the occasional parental sprint to apprehend a wayward child. Indeed, our adult lives rarely call for any gait faster than a walk unless you're about to miss an airplane connection. But what a shame, I loved running as a kid. Now, I'd be lucky to stick out half a mile without collapsing, and that much only thanks to the treadmill work, but at least I can outrun the boys again!

Later in the afternoon, I took Katrina and Gabriel to Logitech Ice Arena in San Jose, to get myself some ice skates at their Pro Shop. I'd never been there before, and was delighted to find two ice rinks and the place swarming with girls' hockey teams. Katrina was fussy and didn't allow much time shopping for skates in the Pro Shop there, but I did manage to quickly try on a pair. It turns out that when you buy skates, they have to sharpen the blades, and this took a long time.

Enough time that we got to watch a junior-high-school girls' team start a game. I was blown away and so impressed -- these girls were good! They were great skaters and looked every bit as aggressive and confident as a San Jose Shark. I'd forgotten how exciting it is to watch hockey in person. Interestingly, the little girls seemed to be sharper and faster skaters than the older (high school?) girls in the other rink. You go girls! I was glad Gabriel's first live hockey experience was to see all girls (in fact I didn't see a single male hockey player among the teems of teams there). And fussy-fuss Katrina loved watching the hockey games!

Outside, there was a team of 11-year-old (or so) girls warming up in the parking lot with some pushup and stretching exercises, chanting, "Quarter pounder, french fries, milk shakes and big slurp soda..." My goodness, I had no idea the junk food culture was that deeply ingrained! (Though I confess that I find baked goods to be an excellent motivator.)

Katrina had a hard time hanging on to naps today, and as a result, wasn't as smiley and joyful as usual. Let's hope for some joy tonight, in the form of deep long dreams of skating.

1/13/07

1/12/07 Katrina's hands

I did get one photo yesterday: Julian playing with his Architectural Blocks, on the couch. I found the symmetry in his work intriguing -- shouldn't a 3-year-old be making random weird things?

It's taken forever, but I finally finished putting together Katrina's new Exersaucer.

With some help from Gabriel, that is: he cut open the myriad of plastic bags for all the toys, then helped install them. I like having projects to do with him, and he loves it.

It helped that I'd had a long nap this morning, guiltily foregoing an aerobics class at the Y. But I've been building a sleep debt, and I was curious to see what Katrina would do if left to her own devices. The answer: sleep, for about two hours. Her awake times are now about 2 hours long, with about 4-5 "naps" during the day. Nighttime, on the other hand, we've been going a bit backward: her longest stretches are at most 4 hours, and she's started to wake up for reasons other than nursing. The last two nights, it's been for giant spitups, so I can't hold that against her.

Katrina's on the young side for an Exersaucer, but she's holding herself up well enough that it was worth trying for a few minutes.

Immediately the downside became obvious: the boys! She's still floppy enough that external motion of the saucer can jostle her excessively, and excessive jostling is exactly what older brothers are about. I had to institute a no-touch rule immediately, mostly for Julian, but he's far more likely to follow that rule if Gabriel has to also.

Still, she liked it! Like Gabriel as a baby (and unlike Julian), she's very welcoming to new situations. She especially liked being able to see Gabriel so close up.

The real treat came after a few minutes: Katrina put her hand on one of the toys and moved it. This is really the first time I've seen her attempt to manipulate something with her hands, and she did so with the typical visual disconnection of a 3-month-old. Still, there's no doubt that she was experimenting with using her hands.

(Later, she was sitting on Dave's lap as he held a take-out menu, and her hand feebly batted the menu juuust enough times that it was clear it wasn't entirely random. My baby is growing up!)


I got up to get something from the kitchen, and Gabriel faithfully watched her, wiping her mouth with great concern every time she drooled. Aww. His tenderness and deep concern for her are truly touching.









Here's a crummy camera video with a brief (don't blink!) capture of Katrina using her hands.

I'm never sure if these videos will work. They appear black at first, and I put the embedding code in again and again, and finally it works. It might just be a matter of waiting for Google video to process it, or perhaps I hit something just right. I don't know. This time, I'm not waiting, so apologies if the video box looks black.

1/12/07

1/11/07 First skating class

Dave and I took an ice-skating class tonight! Since we needed Peggy anyway to put all 3 kids to bed, I somehow talked Dave into taking the class with me. He's in a different group, but we're on the ice at the same time. I was so excited to skate again, and it was so fun! We went to dinner at Benihana afterward.

As usual, Peggy had no trouble at all with all 3 kids. I didn't find time to pump today, so I left Katrina with formula. But Peggy said she hated it! I gotta get pumping. I hate pumping! But it's worth it to skate.

1/11/07

1/10/07 Lincoln Logs

The boys both got Lincoln Log sets for Christmas this year, one from Uncle Ronan, and another from the Doudna grandparents. This toy is a huge hit, and has quickly ascended to among their favorites. And mine, since it provides hours of daily construction entertainment.

Gabriel has to follow the instructions precisely and build exactly, and I do mean exactly, what is in the drawings in the instructions. (In this photo, he built the "homestead" exactly as it is in the drawing, but facing away from the camera, unfortunately.)

Julian is a little more creative, or less bound to The Right Way, and happily stacks them however he likes. Unless Gabriel sees it that is. Gabriel sometimes hops with frustration that Julian isn't doing it right and will even go so far as to take apart Julian's work. I don't think he's being malicious; he just can't stand seeing things done "wrong"! But they both love making things with the logs and spend a lot of time doing so.

Good thing for the Lincoln Logs today. I couldn't let the boys play out back this afternoon, since it became a carpenter's workshop, with wood, sawdust and plugged-in power tools spread all over the patio. I hated having to pull them indoors, for their sake and for mine. I called to them from the deck to come in, but Gabriel refused, and then roped his sheeplike brother in: "Come on, Julian, just keep playing." This made me so mad! I ran to get my shoes and had to leave Katrina screaming to go out and reprimand Gabriel for his defiance and then drag him inside (Julian followed).

You'd think I could ask the carpenter to work somewhere else, but I don't want to slow down the workers' progress in any way. Every day I get twice as tired as the day before of being under construction (an exponential progression!), of finding new dust on everything, of having men come into the house at 8am when I'm still in my skivvies. I just about blew my top tonight when Julian was taking a leak before bath, and lifting the toilet lid resulted in dust-covered fingers, and then dust on his little....well, you know. I couldn't even set their toothbrushes down on the sink counter, or open the toothpaste tube, or turn on the water, or turn on the light switch, without getting dust on my hands. It's everywhere! At least the work today was on final-punchlist items, though the painters still have a few days left.

Katrina has turned into one vocal baby! Lots of adorable -- and now loud -- sounds from her. Sometimes it sounds like she's watching a fireworks display with all the oohs and aahhs. She's having a grand time with her latest discovery, her hands, though so far they're the only thing she's figured out to put in her mouth.

Dave had to work late tonight, so I got to put all three kids to bed myself tonight. It was a lot easier when Katrina was younger! I did the entire process of getting the boys undressed, bathed, pajama'd, brushed, and read to, while holding her. She really, really needed her own bath and bedtime too, but I couldn't do the boys and the girl at the same time. That's going to be a recurring theme in our lives, I think!

1/10/07

1/9/09 Julian goes to the park

Today I rebelled against my new Y habit. I needed to get some things done!

So I deposited a check at Schwab...a simple errand, right? No! I parked illegally right in front of the door, ran inside to grab an envelope, drove circles around the parking lot until Katrina was calm, stopped and filled out the envelope, drove more circles until she was calm again, then parked illegally again to zip in there and drop off the envelope...whew!

Then I took Julian and Katrina to the Ice Center in Cupertino to sign up for ice-skating classes (!). Starts Thursday! And Dave is taking the class with me!!!!

We still had some time, so I met up with my Las Madres group at a park with huge open fields of grass, to find all the kids sitting in a line watching a construction crew work on a play area. (Left to right: Erin, twins Kate & Allison (all three sisters), Julian, Gavin, Gina and Andrew.)

Then Julian and Andrew played together with a ball. I got their attention by holding the ball, then tossing it to them, catching the ball midair once (with the camera, that is). It was so sweet to see Julian and Andrew play together; they're getting to know each other and seemed to have a lot of fun (that's cutie-pie Kate in the background).



But the highlight of my day came in the form of inspiration by example.

First, some background: Dave got me a Beatles Love CD for Christmas, which is Beatles music remixed for a Cirque de Soleil show in Las Vegas. We talked about how if we didn't have kids, we'd got to Vegas for a weekend and see the show, what fun that'd be. I LOVE Cirque de Soleil and I LOVE the Beatles. But, that's impossible. We can't go to Vegas by ourselves for a weekend!

Or can we? I was floored when Kristi told me today that she and her husband did exactly that -- they went to Vegas for two days, without their THREE kids, and saw the Beatles Cirque de Soleil show!!! I couldn't believe it! Kristi was the first of our mom friends who had 3 kids (thanks to twins), so she's sort of a trailblazer. It can be done!! Especially if you have a reliable nanny you've known for years and who can take care of the kids overnight. Wow! Katrina's too young to consider that now, but in a year...? We're there!

Yesterday I took all 3 kids to The Smiling Frog, a wonderful used kids' clothing store right in Sunnyvale, and scored some great long-sleeved Gymboree shirts for the boys. Buying used clothes teaches you a lot about quality: these are heavy, strong, but still soft and look great after a lot of washings. And it's so nice to see Julian in a shirt that's not just a little too small for him, and not in a years-old hand-me-down.

Jeans are another story...two pairs of size 3 jeans I got for Julian turn out to be too big for him, and one of those is even too big for Gabriel. So if a used size 3 jeans falls off Gabriel, you can only imagine how the new size 4 jeans I just bought for him worked....forget it! Gabriel wore a new pair today, and they were just enormous -- falling off him, and cuffed twice. Didn't I try them on him at the store?! I did! And I still can't get it right! Julian's no heavyweight either. This problem gets worse every year, as they get taller and relatively skinnier. It won't be a problem for Katrina, since so far every store I see has 10 times more girl clothes than boy clothes. But I'll probably still get most of her clothes at the Smiling Frog, which is far more equitable toward boys than most clothing stores. If I buy her clothes at all that is. So far, hand-me-downs from friends and family for girl clothes demonstrate same favor as stores do.

Dust, dust and more dust. I am SO tired of construction! I never knew painters generated so much dust, but when they sand drywall, you get this fine stuff that flies around and settles on everything: doorknobs, drawer handles, the washer/dryer, dresser and table tops, light switches....even the walls are dusty and the boys' shirts always have smears of dust on them from going up and down the stairs. I've already spent a fair amount of time painstakingly wiping dust from the shutter louvers in the boys' room, and have hours ahead of me.

Though it's a daunting task, I get some consolation from spending time upstairs and trying to get it under control. Slowly, I'm moving the boys' things into their room, and preparing our room to be livable (such as wiping the ubiquitous dust out of our medicine cabinet and setting up the shelves). Slowly I'm trying to reclaim the upper half of our lives, literally.

Tomorrow, back to the Y!

1/9/07

1/8/07 Technical difficulties

Neither our DSL nor cable Internet works consistently or reliably at all now. On top of it, I'm getting so many spam bounces (from spamees who've been spammed by someone forging nebcom.com as a return address) that downloading email keeps timing out. What a pain!

Our stairwell is still a construction project: dirty, dusty, covered in tape and paper. The main painter contractor arrived today to check it out, and told me he thought that since there was still some carpentry to do, he'd have his guy wait until it was done to finish the hallway. NOOOOO!!!!!! We can't order carpet, install our stained-glass window, or clean thoroughly and really live up there when we have to pass through the construction zone every time we go upstairs! He said OK, he'll have his guy work tomorrow. He hasn't been here the past two days, so I will be very bummed if he doesn't show up tomorrow. We have to make progress on this, I am really getting depressed about it.

At least children were really good today, thanks in part to a nice long Julian nap. Gabriel was in a good cooperative mood, and typical of Gabriel, when he sets his mind to something, he does it with intensity and focus, including being great.

Katrina has been making all sorts of adorable new noises, and loud ones! I caught a little of it today, not the best example though since she got distracted by her own hands.


(More problems -- I can't get the embedding to work right. Here's a link:)
Katrina talks and then gets distracted by her hands

She reminds me of Gabriel at 3 months old, lying under a tree and shouting and yipping at it. But the similarity ends there -- I also remember doing our taxes with Gabriel sitting on my lap at 2-1/2 months old. No way would I attempt that with Miss Wiggles!

1/8/07

1/7/07 Reconnaissance

This Sunday's grand outing was to check out Chuck E Cheese for Gabriel's birthday party. I felt a twang as we drove past a lovely park to go inside a dark, crowded, noisy place. What are we -- and apparently the rest of Cupertino -- doing here? First answer: looking for parking.

Once we got in, the first two rides we tried, the boys were afraid of (chickens!). The first three games we tried were broken, and two stole our tokens before we realized it. We found one that worked and that wasn't swarmed by kids, but it was just a dumb fishing video game, not nearly as interesting or challenging as what they've both mastered on boohbah.com.

I hunted down a rare employee in a striped shirt to complain to about the broken games, and he was able to fix one that involved driving a little truck on a road. That kept Gabriel busy for a while.

I'll grit my teeth and stick it out for his birthday party, but this sort of place is not my thing, and I'll be looking for alternatives next year! (Oh yeah, who's the party for again?!)


I tried my wonderful new train cake pan again, this time carefully following the instructions on how to prepare the pan (though I don't have "Wondra" flour), and using a cake recipe that came with the pan. My train cake still looks nothing like the picture on the box, but it's a big improvement over my first attempt!

Katrina is now clasping her hands, looking down at them (crosseyed), and then very carefully putting them in her mouth as she watches. Right on time for a 3-month-old. How do babies know when to start doing stuff like that? Who gives them the schedule? It's amazing.

She and her brothers are interacting more and more now. They make faces at her, and she responds with little yips and howls and huge smiles. They can't get enough of her. There actually are times now that I ask Gabriel to go over and entertain her, a task he eagerly tackles! Julian, I never ask, as he needs a lot more supervision, but much of the time I think he's being too rough, she just smiles at him. It's so interesting how babies attract little kids. Toddlers in the Y's childwatch also seem completely delighted when they look at Katrina and she beams at them.

I've been hoping for weeks to get a photo of all five of us, and today I found a short window when everyone was awake and in a decent mood. But that was only the first obstacle. Once I have everyone outside and the camera set up, then I have to get Gabriel to join us, mostly by pretending I don't want to strangle him for refusing to cooperate, and then cheerily taking pictures without him. Finally, he joined us.

Then I had the problem that the sun was moving and rapidly depleting my shady spot, and sure enough, someone always managed to get bright sun on their face. But moving the sun seems almost an easier problem than getting Dave to look natural in photos. And I'm not so photogenic either. Finally, the camera was too close and not everyone was in focus.

But at least I have it documented that all five of us were in the same place at the same time at least once so far this year!

1/7/07