3/27/07 Good Afternoon, Mom

This morning I rebelled against the thousands of things I have to do and hundreds of errands to run, and took Julian and Katrina to the park for a playgroup instead. It was for the kids...yeah, for the kids! Not for me to stand around and chat with Kristi, Betsy, Stacey and Lisa!

Julian said he wanted to play with Erin, but he wasn't exactly generous about sharing his toys with her or her sisters. He can climb up all the ladders now, to my surprise, though he got panicked and cried for me once on an easier ladder than this one.

It was cold though! I had to bundle a jacket over Katrina's adorable sweater that Bonne Maman made. She was happy like this for a while, but started getting quietly grouchy, so I left unusually early for me. I called it right: she almost fell asleep in the car on the way home, and needed to eat.

I braced myself for another afternoon, made even more complex by another contractor. I've become overly sensitive to having to coordinate times and deal with strangers in my house, and absolutely hate the prospect of it, even though I was very looking forward to finalizing my closet setup.

California Closets was on time and professional, and the installer was very, very helpful. He had to go back to the shop twice to fix mistakes in his written instructions, and also got me some extra stationary shelves made to move drawers around. I almost thought I should tip him.

I'm thrilled with my new closet setup. The "long hang" (where you hang dresses) should have been tucked way way in the back to begin with. That's essentially storage for me, it doesn't need a prominent position. Shelves for my day-to-day clothes, on the other hand, need to be easily accessible. I've rearranged shelves since taking this picture, and am delighted that the shelf pegs can be moved around without pliers.

I've gotten rid of so much Stuff that all my day-to-day clothes fit in two laundry baskets. These two big white laundry baskets contain all my pants, shorts, T-shirts and long-sleeved shirts. The dresser has underwear, bras, socks, camisoles, things like that; and a few dressy and special-occasion items are on top of the dresser.

Actually, I'm not as frugal as this makes it appear: I also have a lot of workout clothes, including things I only use for specific activities (cycling stuff, swim stuff, dance stuff). Then there's cold-weather gear, special-occasion clothes, sweaters and such, much of which can really be stored rather than put in a prominent place in the closet. Still, I'm psyched that just about everything in my closet will actually get worn on a regular basis.

Incredibly, there was never a time during the closet reconfiguration and talking to the installer that I was being pulled by more than one child at once.

Even more incredibly, Katrina took a real afternoon nap today. A whole hour and a half!! With the boys, that would have been a bummer short nap. But the main thing I don't like about Katrina's ultra-short afternoon naps is that she doesn't like them either. Today, after a decent sleep, she woke up gurgly and wiggly and cute and happy. And for me, having some real time off -- and a happy baby when that time "off" was over -- made a huge difference in how the whole afternoon went. Yay!

Gabriel wanted to play with Play-Doh this afternoon, a relatively rare thing for him. He cleaned up the whole family room first, then spread out a mat to work on. Of course, the rug was still covered with teeny bits of Play-Doh afterward anyway. After dinner, the boys played together happily with it for quite a while. Then they started arguing during cleanup and Gabriel held the whole canister of Play-Doh over Julian's head as if to hit him, and it all went downhill from there. Sigh.

Still, today we closed on an uptick. I needed that.

3/27/07

p.s. Oh, I forgot: Gabriel didn't get into the alternative school we'd applied for, so he'll be going to Collins Elementary starting in late August for kindergarten. I'm glad we know where he's going....to...KINDERGARTEN!!

3/26/07 Bugs?

The delusions software engineers put themselves through after struggling for hours with a problem:

"It must be a compiler bug!"

"It can't be anything I did, I didn't touch that part of the code!"

"The check is in the mail!"

I swear the problems I'm having with TurboTax are bugs. It's not me, it can't be me, it must be a program bug, I didn't touch that part of the code, really!

I resent spending so much time on taxes. I have small children, for Pete's sake.

Katrina and naps....argh! After trying to get Katrina to go back to sleep for a decent nap this afternoon, by enduring half an hour of crying, futilely, I got her out of the crib with relief. She was red-faced and stressed and ticked off. I felt terrible. Minutes later, she beamed her beautiful happy smile at me, and then reached out to touch my face with both hands and an adorable little baby-gurgle sound. I felt even terribler.

I'm so conflicted. I really love this baby. But I'm not loving the baby life right now. I'm into little kids, not babies. So often, baby care conflicts with playing with little kids. Baby deserves better. Little kids deserve better. And me...I guess I get what I deserve.

3/26/07

3/25/07 Gabriel and Julian go to an open house

Today a local realtor, whose flyers we've been getting for years, was holding an open house nearby. Being nosy neighbors, I figured we should go check it out. I also wanted to meet the realtor, as he claims to be an expert of our neighborhood. And I was more than impressed when he not only remembered our house, but knew how long we'd been there and that it has an "unusual" layout (which is a very nice way of putting it).

Overall it was a nice house, nicely landscaped, well-maintained, nice floors. But the kitchen cabinets looked...well, old, like they'd been painted lots of times, though with obviously new knobs. And opening a cabinet revealed a piece of unadhered shelf paper on top of an unfinished particle-board shelf, with exposed wires and pipes. This is what you get for almost $1.2 million in Silicon Valley, folks!


Gabriel and Julian were very cute today in their new shoes (which they're very proud of) and some new T-shirts (which unfortunately are very limited at LL Bean and Gabriel's doesn't fit all that well).

I'm amazed how much more substantial these new shoes are. OK, the bright new white might be a little dorky, but it won't take long for them to fix that. Though I'd really like Gabriel to learn to tie laces, I have to say I'm very glad they both have shoes they can take on and off themselves. Good Mom for getting them their first pair of really good shoes? Or Bad Mom for this being their first pair of really good shoes?

This morning Katrina was very excited by the Sunday funnies, a popular ritual in this house.

Darn, this photo is out of focus, but it was the best I got of a very cute scene of Julian and a bowl of strawberries, blueberries and mango. I know it's greatly inadequate to be proud of the fact that I always have some sort of yummy fruit for our big Sunday breakfasts, when it should be something they get every morning. In my defense, breakfast is typically hectic here, and Gabriel refuses to eat fruit in his cereal, though I often get to put banana in Julian's cereal, and they almost always have fruit during the day too. Come to think of it, this bowl Julian has is really quite some bounty for most of the world. I'm glad he appreciated it.

Another busy, full, intense day, made so partly by Dave's going to work this afternoon. Gabriel asked him, Innocent Kid Comment of the Day: "Dad, is work open every day?" A "Cats in the Cradle" moment if there ever was one!

But, since Dave was at work, and Katrina was up from a much-too-short nap again (waah!), I decided to make the boys' dinner really early, like starting at 4:30. I was amazed how well it worked. They were sitting down to dinner at 5pm, and had already cleaned up the family room, with no drama, no threats, no timers, no putzing, no nagging!! Now those are 'No's I could use more of!!

3/25/07

3/24/07 Gabriel and Julian go to the mall

A confluence of several events put us at a most unlikely place this afternoon: a mall. And Vallco, at that, my alltime least favorite mall!

Those events were:

1) Dave had to work this afternoon
2) Katrina woke up early from a nap
3) Julian never took a nap
4) I got to (had to) sleep this morning, then went to the Y and ran while Dave played with Katrina, putting me in great shape for the afternoon
5) The Smiling Frog closes at 4 on Saturdays (which I found out only after getting everyone out of the car, argh)
6) It is well past time to get the boys new shoes and sandals anyway.

Even more shocking than me taking three kids to a mall on a nice Saturday afternoon was that it was actually a good experience. Imagine that!

First, as soon as we entered the mall, we came across a small corner store that hosts a model train club, which is open two Saturday afternoons a month, and it was open. The boys loved seeing the model trains and tracks and all the equipment. Incredibly, they cooperated about leaving when it was time to go.

Next, we found the Howard's shoe store very quickly and easily. I was impressed with the setup, which has a big column in the middle of the store with a circular bench around it -- plenty of seating and perfect for trying shoes on kids. The guy there was a huge help, measuring the boys' feet and giving me good direct advice on sandals and regular shoes. He had a helper go back and get shoes, talking to me all along, so the usual dreadful wait while someone rummages around in the back was eliminated. It was effective: we left with 4 more pairs of shoes, and $192 fewer dollars, in the space of under 15 minutes. But, the guy was right that now, especially at Gabriel's age, they're much harder on shoes, and don't outgrow them as fast, which is exactly why I'd decided it was time to take them to a real shoe store. They also got Silly Putty gifts from the shoe store, which they both loved.

Then, we passed by Mrs. Field's Cookies. Always a big hit with me.

Finally, since Vallco is half-deserted, I didn't mind the boys being rambunctious and running in the empty hallways, and didn't feel like I had to lecture them constantly about not running, shouting or pushing each other. The other day at Whole Foods, at the meat counter, a woman caught my attention and informed me the boys were fighting. As I tried to deal with them, the butcher had a question for me, and I was being completely torn in two directions. After I was done at the meat counter, I kneeled down and talked sternly to the boys about the rules, but to little avail. It's especially stressful at Whole Foods, which is always crowded and has narrow aisles. Not to mention I'm always carrying Katrina at the time too. So today at the mall having nice wide empty halls, and no streets or parking lots as we went from place to place, was something of a relief. Unfortunately for Vallco, what I liked best about it was its emptiness, not usually a good thing for a mall.

Katrina was practically not a factor at all on today's excursions, calmly watching everything from her perch in the stroller or in my hip carrier. Just like Gabriel as a baby: get me out of the house, I got places to go, things to see!


Too bad I thought I'd forgotten my camera at the mall today, only to discover later I had it in my purse all along...argh!

I got some photos of the boys playing out back in their new sneakers anyway.

The next step in our day didn't go so well. I called Dave at work and suggested we go straight to Outback for dinner, since I had everyone in the car anyway. It was only 5:45, we might get there before it gets packed....nope! We checked in for a 25-30 minute wait!

Since I had to nurse Katrina anyway, we decided to stick out the wait. (I hate waiting at restaurants, especially with the kids.) Nope -- boys too rambunctious, running and getting out of sight or too close to parking lots, not listening, etc. Bail!! I'd looked forward to not cooking and cleaning tonight. At least we had some nice fresh pork chops from Whole Foods -- hard-won chops at that.

We saw a neat sight this evening east toward San Jose: a blimp. It was pretty far, but I think I saw GoodYear on it (not sure though). The boys were fascinated, and watched it from our bedroom balcony until it gradually drifted out of sight.

Later, when they were playing out back with chalk, I was floored to see that Gabriel had drawn a blimp in chalk, along with his and Julian's name with the graffiti-like touch of arrows (Zeke would be proud). He explained that he put the lines under the blimp so it wouldn't fall when it landed.

Believe it or not, this is the first thing I've ever seen Gabriel draw of his own volition. He was very proud and insisted I take a picture of him with it.

I found a great way to get some "me" time in tonight: skating. Yes, I went back to the mall after all kids were in bed, where the ice rink is, and tried to practice. The Saturday night public session is mostly little kids (shouldn't they be in bed?!) and socializing teenagers, but I was able to get in a decent skate. If nothing else, all the people flying around me forces me to learn extra control.

Running, shopping, dinner, skating....a packed, but good day, which is about to be topped off with a nice warm bath.

3/24/07

3/23/07 Friday Night Fun

W-2. 1099-OID. ESPP. NQSO. K-1. Box 8. Specified Private Activity Bond Interest.

blah

TAXES.

did I say I was having fun with this?

3/23/07

3/22/07 The dreaded afternoon

This morning after (our last!) music class, I took Julian and Katrina to Portal Park again. I have almost no photos of me and Katrina, so asked Kristi to take some, and she got a couple great ones!

These are scrappers. (That's a term I just made up for photos worth scrapbooking.) Thank you Kristi!

But once again, a nice morning yielded to a rough afternoon. Katrina was in desperate need of a long, solid nap, but woke up barely 30 minutes into an afternoon nap, crying and miserable. I checked her diaper, went through the usual futile motions of soothing, and put her back down, wide awake and screaming. I didn't know what else to do. So I anxiously paced and listened intently. More screaming. Julian was oddly cooperative about taking a nap, so I got him ready and read him a book, trying to disguise my tension and frustration. Still screaming.

The trouble with letting a baby cry, aside from the fact that it's intensely stressful and upsetting, is that you just don't know if it's gone too far, or if it's about to be effective. You invest so much effort into enduring it; for all you know the baby is about to give up. Or, for all you know, you should have gotten the baby a long time ago since it's hopeless and you hate yourself. But, of course, Katrina renders most options moot, since pretty much nothing I can do will soothe her. I can work hard at distracting her, but I didn't have the emotional energy to bounce her around for the next four hours.

Finally, after 50 minutes, she slowed down and finally settled down, for a good hour and a half. I was almost nervous to go see her when she woke up, feeling guilty and traumatized, but I was greeted with a beautiful beaming smile, of a happy baby who'd gotten a good nap. If only she could have told me two hours earlier that I'd end up stumbling upon the right thing.....

Man, babies can be hard. Shouldn't I be an expert by now? It seems the more experienced I am, the worse I am at it.

After the hard-won afternoon nap and a good long deep nursing, I have what has become one of my favorite parts of the day: playing with her on my bed, alone, with no little boys buzzing around. She's smiley and cooey and makes all sorts of sweet sounds, and I have fun making up ways to make her laugh. So afternoons are not entirely a bust.

Yesterday, Gabriel and I had fun helping Katrina practice sitting up. I put her on the floor with my legs on either side of her, then Gabriel and I counted how long she'd stay up until she started to topple. We got up to 10 once!

This message brought to you courtesy of the remaining few minutes of post-afternoon-nap baby happiness, and a small plastic bowl that's quite fun to chew on.

3/22/07

3/21/07 Julian's no-hands skating

Julian. My little skater! I just can't believe how well he's doing!

Today he forgot a few times to keep a death grip on my hand, starting with a game in which he runs -- yes runs after me. Which, of course, is very funny. Of course, on ice skates, if you run, you'll end up gliding a bit too.


Then I'd somehow forget to hold on to him, or I'd make him skate a little to me to get to my hand. But if he needed it, I gave it to him right away, since mostly he needs to build confidence.

Then there were the balls again, and it was no end of fun to throw them into the goal. This clip I took at the end of the class, when he was pooped out and complaining, he was skating much better than this before. And while holding my hand, Julian was skating fast enough that I had to push off to keep up with him. Indeed, it's safe to say that while holding my hand, he skated as fast, if not faster, than Dave does!

HMMM I wonder what combines the principles of soccer with ice skating....HMMMMM.....

I put snowpants on him today, which I think increased his confidence and comfort. Then again, it also backfired because then it was fun to fall on purpose, which is hard on my back to pick him up those extra times. He still can't get back up himself.

Before and after skating this morning, I had an hour to do things at home. This is how pathetic my life has gotten: I'm actually enjoying doing our taxes and a long-overdue review of our finances and budget. After all the remodeling expense, that's a bit of a downer, but I like getting a handle on it instead of it all being a big fuzz in my head. It's great to dig into a project and feel productive again.

Katrina spent the morning at Tonya's, first looking intently at everyone, then napping until I picked her up. Yay!

This is how hard my afternoons at home have been: though most people are horrified when I tell them I almost always grocery-shop with all three kids, the truth is, shopping with all three is actually easier than being at home! So after picking Gabriel up today, I took my little drinking-problems-waiting-to-happen to Trader Joe's, then a produce store next to TJ's, then to PW. Believe it or not, that was better than braving all afternoon at home. Not a peep out of Katrina the whole time.

I have a way of keeping the boys under control, sort of, at TJs. I made them both grocery lists, then gave them each a bag to carry. While in TJs, Gabriel complained aloud, "Mommy, it's hard to run carrying this bag!". Ohhh, REALLY? I answered absently, "Funny that...some people might say I planned it that way," drawing laughs and smiles from people around me.


Someone asked me today if they were twins. Probably because they both had on red sweatshirts.

Anyway, our excursions made for a much better afternoon, and let me try out a recipe for chicken patties that I saw Rachael Ray making on the Food network. Ironic that I really enjoy watching cooking shows when I'm running on the treadmill! My new increased food awareness and interest has sparked a rare cooking kick. And while I had a few flops tonight, the chicken patties themselves were really good, and best of all, the boys loved them!

I'm glad I watched Rachael Ray make them, it's actually much more instructive than just reading the recipe. For instance, she mixed the fresh herbs, spices and yogurt all in the food processor, instead of in a separate bowl as the recipe says. Handy. And, she suggested parsley as a substitute for cilantro, much appreciated by those of us who find that cilantro tastes like soap.

I'm having fun watching the new season of Dancing with the Stars. You'd think I'd be all over that, given how much I love dance, but ballroom is my second least favorite kind of dance (next to modern). It's just too glitzy for me. But, I appreciate the athleticism, and I have to give the celebrities credit for putting themselves out there. Image and ego is everything to people in the public eye, and they really are taking chances with that. To my surprise, my favorite female dancer so far is, hands-down, Laila Ali. She has a kick-ass gorgeous body, and she is far and away the most graceful. For men, while three of them are really pretty good dancers (the speed-skater guy Apolo almost shockingly), I have to say I liked watching John Ratzenberger (best known as Cliff on Cheers) the best. He doesn't take himself too seriously, but looked like he was having a great time and just seemed to have a good gamely spirit about him.

I mentally prepared myself all day to go to the Y tonight, and did, despite the time challenges of a labor-intensive dinner with a lot of cleanup, and then taking the whole family to Redwood City to drop off my car for service. But I made it at 9:15pm and closed the place down at 10pm. I like this new habit. It might even help me start liking myself again.

3/21/07

3/20/07 Thunder!

My grand plans for taking Julian and Katrina to the park this morning were foiled by rain -- and thunder! Gabriel talked abut the thunder later, very excited by it. It's a rare occurrence here.

Afternoons have gotten hard enough that today, when Katrina went down for a nap, I didn't spend any precious baby-free moments working on Julian's nap, figuring she'd be up in about 40 minutes anyway. I needed to make the most of every second.

Sure enough, 35 minutes into the nap, she woke up crying. But, she was crying in such a way that made me think she'd go back to sleep, and she did. Incredibly, she wound up taking a nearly 2-hour afternoon nap, a major blessing. She was still crabby and demanding afterward, but at least I had a little less crabby and demanding time. And some good time too.

Meantime, not napping Julian was a huge mistake. He and Gabriel drove me crazy, fighting, bugging each other, bugging Katrina, not listening to me, and countless timeouts. Between Gabriel's defiance, Julian's screaming and Katrina's grumpiness, today was downright traumatic. I was really an awful person today; shouting, snapping at seemingly the tiniest thing, barely able to crack a smile at the numerous cute and fun things kids always do.

At 4:30pm I couldn't take it anymore, and demanded to Julian that he go upstairs for a nap. To my amazement, he immediately cooperated. His attitude went from petulant and obnoxious to agreeable and sweet as soon as he realized he'd get some one-on-one time with me reading to him. This only intensified my guilt.

I really have to do something drastically different. I'm not doing anyone any good being so stressed and on edge, and the boys are picking up my snappy manner. It's intensely stressful for me having to carry a baby around all afternoon -- even just sitting down is met with wiggles and cries. My wrists and elbows feel swollen by the end of an afternoon. And that's with a light baby. I don't know how Lacy does it.

My guess is that much of Katrina's afternoon misery is simply boredom. Gabriel was much the same way, needing to get out a lot, but since he was my first baby, I could make quick baby-entertainment trips. Going to Trader Joe's counted. With the other two in tow, it's a lot harder to do such things without it turning into a huge production, especially with Julian napping.

Meantime, I need to prepare myself : practice some deep breathing, and find ways to gather myself for more hours of walking around carrying a grumpy baby while constantly nagging the boys to quit fighting, keep their hands out of each other's faces, stop fighting, leave Katrina alone, no fighting, and once and for all do NOT grab Katrina's feet when I'm carrying her! And STOP FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight I went to the Y again, mostly for stress management and stretching, since I really did a number on myself yesterday and am a little sore. Relief turned to disappointment when I realized the pool was open, and not crowded. That's exactly what I needed, a swim! Next time. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe thinking about going to the Y will help keep me from flying off the handle. I'm going to need a lot of strength for another afternoon like today.





This morning there were a few fun moments, though every few seconds during this sibling-love scene were peppered with, "let go of her hands let go of her hands let go of her hands LET GO OF HER HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She's usually fine, but I'm never sure when Gabriel or Julian are going to go too far.

A crummy camera-capture:


I can't believe I'd ever think this, but sometimes I can't help but to wish that Katrina's brothers loved her just a little less. Please let me forget I ever said that. I hope they will.

3/20/07

3/19/07 Early appointment

A ** 7:30 ** AM doctor's appointment? That meant I left before even seeing Katrina this morning, unless you count her 4am wakeup. (At which she drank heartily and went right back to sleep, so I can forgive her.)

Results of allergy testing: Zip. No food or airborne allergies, except a mild reaction to "mold mix," whatever that is. And no explanation for my strange reaction to fruit juices, which I've solved for decades by, surprise, not drinking fruit juices. Taa-daa.

I also had blood drawn for other tests for food sensitivities, including gluten, and those results should come back in a week. But there doesn't appear to be any low-hanging fruit (no pun intended) to solve migraines with dietary changes.

The only interesting thing that came out of it is my description of chronic and long-lasting bronchitis and coughing (which actually hasn't flared in over a year), and the allergy doc thinks that it could be a mild form of asthma, even though pulmonary function testing last year yielded nothing.

Obnoxious kid comment of the day: Gabriel, on his way to his room for relentless torture of his younger brother, to me, "Stupid pig!" Trouble is, my coming down hard on him for that only shows him how offensive it is. Note to self: LAUGH at him as though he said something silly, like the time he said, with all the venom he could muster, funny kid comment of the distant past: "I'm going to compare you!"

Another rough afternoon with a baby who didn't nap enough and required nonstop carrying and entertaining. I should be a better mom who appreciates my healthy, beautiful, perfect, vigorous, lively baby; not a resentful, frustrated, stressful shell of a woman who snaps at her kids and can't put two thoughts together and frequently finds herself in a room and having no idea why she went in there.

After dinner and baby bedtime, I zoomed off to the Y, where I took it all out on the treadmill, then did weights, stretching, and abs. My energy now exceeds my time; I could have spent another half hour there, pounding my body to revive my spirit. And it worked.

3/19/07

3/18/07 Sunday Park Day

Today the Cupertino Las Madres groups of all birthyears met for a Sunday playdate at Portal Park, one of my favorite parks. It's closeby, shaded, and has lots of nice hilly grassy areas. On the downside, the bathrooms are far away, and the street is close enough to make moms with fast toddlers nervous.

It's especially fun to go to the park when there are playmates there. Especially the usual suspects: Gina and Andrew, though today Andrew mostly tried to keep up with Gina and Gabriel. Gabriel recognized "Gina's car" as we were parking, and was very happy she was there.

Katrina has her own White family playmate now: Dylan, though both babies are far too young to be very aware of each other yet. They're only 6 weeks apart in age, enough that it still makes a difference at this age, but not for long.

It was nice to (sort of) sit on blankets in the shade with our immobile babies and yak, though I only got away with this because Betsy got up a lot to track down the older kids, and because other moms who were standing could give us periodic reports on the whereabouts of the other kids.

I didn't get a picture, but Julian and another little boy found a fountain and soaked themselves so completely that they both went home in underpants, Julian in only underpants!


Gabriel and Gina were up to their usual antics, running all over the park and play structures. And into a tree to look over a fence at a neighbor's pool. Now that I think about it, I've never seen Gabriel climb a tree!

He then said he was scared and climbed down with no further complaint, to which Gina responded, "I'm NEVER scared to climb trees!" Indeed, Gina is the far superior climber.



For me to get these photos, Betsy kindly looked after Katrina.


Not long after the tree, the kids found the sand.


Gabriel was in another area playing with some other kids' trucks. I always ask the attending mom if he caused any trouble, as he's usually very intent on playing with trucks in the sand, but they always assure me he's been very polite.


A nice time at the park gave way to a lousy, difficult afternoon at home. Katrina took less than a half-hour nap, and was grouchy and demanding all afternoon. Finally at 5:00pm, I couldn't take any more, and neither could she, so I put her down for...what, a late nap? Early bed? I wasn't sure. She fussed for about 10 minutes, then zonk.

I woke her up out of a sound sleep at 7:30pm, not daring to call that bedtime. She was happy and playful for a long time, and then went to bed for real at 10pm. Not our best night for following routines!

Gabriel attempted underpants again last night, and thanks to Dave waking him up twice last night, he was dry this morning. So he's in underpants again tonight, but I'm not holding my breath. In retrospect, our last attempt to do this was when we were sleeping downstairs during the remodel, significantly adding to the pain-in-the-rear-end factor to getting up to wake him. So hopefully now being a few steps away from his room will help.

Strange kid comment of the day: Julian: "Mommy, do we have guns in the house?" Then Julian made a gun out of Megablocks and "killed" me.

3/18/07

3/17/07 Three birds with one stone

Dave took the boys to Supercuts today for a haircut after Gabriel's gymnastics.

Julian came back with a variation of the bowl cut, about all you can do with his hair, but Gabriel came back with some stylin'!

I used to think this was dumb, but frankly, it's so cute and so funny I don't mind at all. And tomorrow the gel will be gone anyway.

Today I found a way to accomplish three things at once: 1) exercise; 2) give Dave a break after dealing with the boys all morning; and 3) pick up lunch! I took Julian and Katrina in the double jogging stroller and ran most of the way to and from Subway. Not the most pleasant of trips along busy Homestead Road, but it accomplished all three goals handily.

Back home, I parked the jogging stroller, then noticed its juxtaposition next to my beloved old BMW R65. My old life right next to my new life. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I'd be parking a double jogging stroller next to this bike, with two of my three children in it, I'd have said "No WAY!" (Not to mention if they'd told me who their father would be...!)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

3/17/07

3/16/07 Backyard afternoon

A beautiful warm afternoon today, so after naps we spent some time in the backyard. Katrina hung out on a blanket, content for about half an hour lying down, which is becoming increasingly rare. She wants to sit up and look around! I'm all for it.


The boys played with numerous things but the biggest hit was the blue spiky ball, a gift from Aunt Laura and Uncle Ryan that I finally got around to blowing up. They had a great time bouncing on the blue ball and another big ball, then got into a game of throwing them on top of each other's heads.


Meantime, I tried chipping away at the heaps of junk that is our garage, a few minutes at a time between playing with Katrina, holding her, and making sure the boys weren't running over her (when the balls came out, I put her in the stroller). Now I have another carload to take to Good Will. I'm becoming a regular there, and it feels great.

Ah, the skills we moms develop. Try making and serving hard-boiled eggs while holding baby! Tonight, I sat Katrina in my lap and held her in place with my elbows as I peeled and sliced the eggs. Heaven forbid she actually sit back peacefully while I tackle this two-handed task.

Our time outdoors put us late for dinner, so I did an emergency bail-out dinner. In some ways, I felt like Bad Mom for not serving a well-balanced dinner, but in other ways, I felt like Good Mom that my bail-out dinner was tortellini (and, as it turns out, hard-boiled eggs, which both boys liked!) instead of pizza. Actually, I rarely serve them just pasta these days, and haven't fallen back on pizza in months. Not that there's anything wrong with pasta or pizza, but I've come to see just pasta as a junk-food dinner, whereas I used to see it as a healthy staple. Ironic from someone for who junk food is a staple.

3/16/07

3/15/07 Park time

Aunt Stephanie sent this wonderful "Animal Boogie" song book and CD with illustrations and lyrics, that is absolutely adorable, and the boys LOVE it.

But you'd never know it looking at this boring video clip! The humor is in the inactivity -- this cute song that you're supposed to shake, stomp, leap and fly to, and the boys just sit like complete couch potatoes listening to it.

What you don't see is that they were running around, shouting and out of control before I put the music on -- then they scrambled up to the couch, opened the book, and listened intently, immobile, faithfully turning each page with each new verse.

This afternoon we had some much-needed quiet time when Julian and Katrina both took a nap. Gabriel entertained himself with the Animal Boogie book, quietly singing the song to himself as he read the book. I managed a candid capture of this sweet scene.

Gabriel really amazes me with his ability and desire to entertain himself. He'll play like this for hours, building things, reading, talking through stories he makes up. It actually makes me feel guilty, especially this week. I've been overwhelmed with a mounting sleep debt, a grouchy baby in the afternoon, plus other family worries back East, and really haven't been engaging Gabriel in the precious time we have alone together in the afternoons. Instead, I've been relying on his remarkable independence. I know this won't harm him long-term, but I feel an intense tug of wanting to make the most of our few remaining months together before he becomes a genuine schoolkid.

Yesterday afternoon, I was playing with Katrina on our bed, and singing with Julian: "There were five in the bed and the little one said, 'Roll over, Roll over,' so they all rolled over and one fell out!" At the word "out," I'd give her a tiny nudge so she'd complete a rollover, which sent Julian into peals of laughter, and made her laugh too. We did this many times, and at the time I noticed that Julian has gotten really good at singing along.

Today in music class, we did that same song, and I was absolutely amazed at Katrina's reaction. She flailed her arms and smiled and made gurgly noises -- I swear she recognized it from our games yesterday! Is that possible at 5 months old?! She was very engaged and happy in music class today, but definitely responded to the Roll Over song.

Someone also observed in music class today that she's "weight-bearing." I hadn't heard that term before, but indeed, she'll support herself standing for a minute now, of course with help balancing by holding her hands. That's new as of a few days ago. It won't be long before the predictions of early walking will start to pour in, but we have her older older brother as a perfect counterexample to that. Gabriel was weight-bearing starting at around 2 months old, and was standing quite well around 7 months old, with help balancing. Did that mean skipping crawling, and early walking?! Hah! Not even close!

Unfortunately, driving back from music class, Katrina fell asleep in the car. I think my great luck with transferring my first two babies from the car to a crib is shot here, because even fast asleep, she still will not rest her head on my shoulder. What is wrong with this baby?! So of course she wakes up, and that was it. No morning nap at all. Urgh!! So I putzed around at home, cursing my plight, then decided to drag us all to Trader Joe's.

On the way, impulsively, I drove by a nearby park to see if the 2004 Las Madres group still has Thursday morning playgroup there. Yes! Talk about turning water into wine -- a chore I was dreading turned into a delightful visit and park play.

Julian had loads of fun playing with Andrew and Gina. Every time I looked for him, he was running happily after one of them, laughing his head off. Ultimately he played with Andrew more, as few kids can keep up with Gina for long.


Meantime, Katrina lounged happily in the stroller with her feet in the air, smiling at everything.


It made me feel guilty yet again, since both Julian and Katrina had a grand time being outside. When Gabriel was a baby, I took him to parks all the time. Now it's a downright rare occasion. I've got to change that, especially since the parks around here are so, so good. Maybe fewer scheduled activities and more park playgroups

I also got to practice photographing one of my favorite faces, belonging to this amazingly agreeable baby with the most compelling eyes. I'm just in love with this little guy.

It wasn't as hard an afternoon as they've been this week, even though I had a big deadline because of skating tonight. I made some breakthroughs in practice today, marvelling at how skating reminds me of my high school gymnastics days when you're working on a particular move, have an epiphany followed by the joy of "I DID IT!!" Dance is a little more incremental, you don't have specific tricks that you either do or don't do. Today the tiniest weight shift turned a clumsy flailing into a passable 3-point turn (I think that's what it's called), in which you transition from skating forward to backward, on one foot. Now if I can mirror that to the other one foot...!

Only a few grownup skating classes left in this session. Wah! I'm just getting started! But I'm also getting anxious to take dance again, and swim. Dare I think about my future in increments of more than five minutes?

3/15/07

3/14/07 Motivating Julian

Skating Day! Julian picked up where he left off last week, both in skating and in whining and complaining. I backed off trying to get him to skate on his own, as he seems to need the security of holding my hand, or even just my finger. So mostly I tried to just keep him moving and skating to get more comfortable.

And, I found the key -- then another one! One key was to make songs up, such as the "march march march" song, to which we pick up our feet (and as a result, skate) as we sing. "The Snail and The Mouse" from Music Together was also a great song game ("slowwwly slowwlly...quicklyquickly!").

The other major key to Julian was the plastic balls the teachers spread out on the ice to chase and kick, which he loved to do. It's not easy to kick a ball from an ice skates, as my tailbone discovered painfully today!! But Julian was pretty good at it, and after kicking a ball, he'd instinctively chase after it, forgetting about the skating part. He was actually gliding for several feet at a time in his pursuit of the ball, which is more than Gabriel ever did in 6 classes.

I tried to capture a video, but it was pretty hard since he wouldn't let me let go of his hand, and because after he kicks the ball, he scrambles after it!


The balls gave me a pang of guilt that we were doing what I wanted to do (skate), not what he loves to do (soccer). Nevertheless, I'm having far more fun with Julian in skating than I did with Gabriel, whose resistance was a lot harder to chip away with distracting games.

Toward the end of the class, Julian got tired and started complaining a lot, so I got him to sit on a bench for a few minutes while I skated upright to work the kinks out of my back, which had been leaning over for almost an hour helping him skate.

After skating, I dropped Julian back off at Tonya's. Katrina was napping, so I left her with Tonya for the remaining hour. Perfect! I zipped off to the Y and did some treadmill time and a curtailed workout before zooming back to Tonya's to pick up Julian and Katrina, then Gabriel. I am so loving the Y, especially that it's just minutes away from everything.

I arrived home tired, sweaty, hungry, and completely overloaded with all three of them needing something from me. It's amazing how we lower our standards as moms. In the old days, I wouldn't have dreamed of getting changed into regular clothes without taking a shower first. Nowadays, I'm grateful just to get changed at all!

I'm sorry to say that hard afternoons have become a trend I dread. Thankfully Katrina took a decent nap this afternoon, allowing me to get a few little things done, but come dinner-making bath-bedtime, it was all hard labor. She's not quite ready for bed, but is also grouchy enough that I either have to carry her or listen to her cry, which is intensely stressful. I had to either carry her, or quickly rush around packing all two-handed chores into the few minutes I might have before she starts to fuss.

At least the boys were pretty good tonight. Dave had to work late again, so it was the third night in a row of putting all three to bed single-handedly. I've got to do something differently, that shouldn't be such a heavy load.

Weird kid comment of the day: Gabriel: "Mommy, I wish I had four ears!"

Funny kid comment of the day: Gabriel again, echoing me, said laughingly to Katrina, who'd started to fuss after a long period of being happy, "Do you have something in your diaper I should know about?!"

3/14/07

3/13/07 Katrina rolls over

Katrina spends virtually no time lying on the floor, as so many babies do, for fear (mine) of getting trampled by her brothers. And she doesn't last long lying on a bed, she always starts to cry or fuss. So she hasn't rolled over yet, though I think she could.

And she did! I put her on her tummy today, which I've only done a handful of times, and she pushed up and rolled easily to her back.

Also in the mobility department: this morning I found her in the crib turned a full 180 degrees.

Katrina and Julian went to Tonya's this morning so Dave and I could meet with our estate lawyers and finalize our trust documents. She did great, taking what would be her longest nap of the day on Tonya's bed.

But at home in the afternoon, she took only a short snooze and woke up grumpy at 3pm. This made me dread the rest of the afternoon, as she requires constant attention and carrying -- standing up, of course. Fortunately today there were times she'd let me sit down, and I got to talk on the phone and do a little Web-surfing, but dinner-making and putting boys to bed was all one-handed while carrying baby again.

After dinner, I sat in the family room to protect Katrina while she played on the floor and practiced sitting up (which will go a long ways toward making my life easier). Gabriel and Julian had to join in the tummy time.

Sweet kid comment of the day: Gabriel, talking about Katrina: "I just love her SO much!"

I hope he still feels that way she really gets mobile and starts getting into his Stuff.

3/13/07

3/12/07 Girl, Interrupted

So-so morning led to a traumatic afternoon.

Morning badness was Katrina's much-too-short nap, and hence mine as well. I went to bed very late last night and was counting on at least a half-hour snooze during Katrina's morning nap. But she napped barely that long, not long enough for me.

I made up for it with a good workout at the Y. It's funny, I used to not like working out on my own, but nowadays I feel so pressed for time that I can make better use of every instant if I can direct the workout myself. I wish I could alternate hard-workout days of running, weights, pushups and abs with a nice gooey yoga or Pilates class every day. I try not to think about dance classes.

But this afternoon....Katrina's much-needed afternoon nap lasted barely 20 minutes, and she was a mess all day. So was I. I was in no mood to carry her around for hours, but that's exactly what ended up happening. By the time I made dinner for the boys, one-handed and one-hipped, my elbows and wrists felt swollen and my back felt like it was going to break in half.

Then a huge blowout with Gabriel. These are almost more emotionally upsetting to me now, since I'm not used to feeling so angry and out of control with him anymore. But the simplest thing escalates and turns into a huge fight, and I just hate how I react and how I feel. I knew the real problem was that I was way tired and needed time off from baby, but couldn't find a way out. I ended up putting in earplugs just to reduce stimuli, desperate for small ways to reduce stress. I felt so guilty when Gabriel later tried sweetly to help calm and entertain Katrina.

I managed to pass some decent time outdoors with Katrina this afternoon, bracing myself for the long haul to bedtime.

She likes grabbing rattles and shaking them around, sometimes startling herself!

Don't be fooled by this smile, it was one of only a few today.

Finally, baby went to bed, though she had to cry to sleep despite my best efforts.

Then I put the boys to bed (Dave had to work late) and actually had a great time making up games to get them to cooperate with the steps in the bedtime process. Things like, we all sit down in a circle and touched our feet so we made a star (making it easy to get pajama bottoms on all at once), or marching in a circle in the room and then I suddenly break away (got them right into the bathroom for bath), and Simon Says for teeth-brushing. They laughed their heads off through the whole thing. Music to my frazzled ears.

It's a safe bet tomorrow will be a better day.

3/12/07

3/11/07 Migraine Madness

It was a spectacular day outside today.

While sitting outside holding Katrina and talking on the phone, Gabriel came up to me with some wilted oxalis flowers and said, "Here Mom, these flowers are for you," and then with a second handful, "and these are for Katrina." Moments later, Julian followed as well with flowers for us. Awww. My boys.

Then it got "too quiet" and I had to go investigate. Turns out, the boys were out front collecting more flowers in the dump truck. They're not allowed out front by themselves, but my sternness instantly melted away when they looked up at me with innocent eyes and said they were just collecting flowers for me and Katrina. I'm such a sucker for a good line!

I tried to do some things in the garage while Katrina happily hung out in the stroller and engaged in her favorite activity: watching her brothers' antics.

Unfortunately, migraine pain took over. Even outdoors, where I can usually overcome the pressure, I couldn't function. Standing, talking, moving -- just being hurt too much. I begged Dave to put off his afternoon chores and watch over the kids (who'd since scattered) so I could rest. Even 20 minutes would make a huge difference.

There's a lot that suggests that my migraines are hormonal, but it's never that simple. Yesterday, Kristi put a bug in my head to pursue food allergy testing. This builds on other suggestions and exploration I've been doing lately anyway, such as Steph's mother-in-law's success with kicking headaches with diet changes. Since Steph has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, I've been thinking a lot about food and what I eat, and sometimes challenging myself to model my diet after her ultra-strict one, and attempting to educate myself along the way. Though I now see my Starbucks scones as a huge indulgence instead of a daily entitlement, so far all I've done is confuse myself.

Trouble is, when I don't actually have a migraine, I don't even want to think about them. And when I do have one, I can't think at all.

Sleep report check-in: Katrina's been waking up once or twice a night lately, partly because she has a slight cold. But last night, a first occurred: I didn't nurse her at a wakeup. She'd nursed 3 hours earlier, but she's 5 months old now and hardly starving. That wakeup was not for hunger. And indeed, after picking her up, trying to calm and cuddle (futile, as usual, as she responds with a rigid back and flailing limbs), making sure there was no spitup or diaper failure, I put her back down and she went back to sleep. That was a lot better than being awake for 15 minutes nursing. No more nursing for wakeups that aren't hunger wakeups.

I managed to squeeze in some photos of all three kids today.















Then a few closeups of Katrina. She isn't photogenic at all -- she's even cuter in real life! (just kidding, these really are pretty good shots of her).



Which one do you think is the cutest? I could spend all day looking and deciding.


3/11/07