6/27/08 The Lesson

I'm really not going to miss the drive to and from Melissa's, but I am going to miss Melissa. I feel bad too that Melissa is going to miss Katrina. As opinionated and un-cuddly as Katrina is, she's no troublemaker, doesn't whine or cry much, goes wit the program, and takes care of herself.

On top of it, I'm probably going to put Katrina back at Tonya's when I go back to work, and right now Melissa and Tonya are on the outs. I don't want to know why; I tell them both that I can't live without either of them, they've been friends for years, and I hope they make up soon. But I have a bad feeling Melissa will actually be a little jealous that Tonya gets Katrina.

But the one tiny bright side to the now-ex-driving is the time I "spend" (sort of) with the boys in the car, listening to them talk or sing or whatever. Today when I picked up Katrina with the boys, Julian had a Curious George book. He's memorized much of it, but he was also making a serious effort to read words he doesn't remember. When he got stuck on a word, he'd ask Gabriel to read it to him, and this developed into Gabriel instructing him on how to read. "What's the first letter, Julian?" "Sound it out!" "How do you pronounce -- ?"

One time I heard Julian say a word "serr-ren," and then Gabriel correct him to "siren" -- I'll be darned, Julian really is sounding out words and trying to read them.

Gabriel tired of this after a while, or sometimes cut Julian down: "GOD Julian, I can't believe you don't know the word 'scream'!" I handle this by jumping in with, "Wow, Julian, you're reading SO well, I'm so proud of you! Gabriel, what a terrific teacher you are!" Gabriel has no choice but to agree. Then I praise Gabriel for helping Julian so much, which really, he does.

I also take any opportunity to tell Gabriel that he wasn't anywhere near as good at reading at Julian's age. Truth is, I don't actually remember how well Gabriel read at 4-1/2, but a memory lapse is ample fodder to take big brother down a peg or two.

At home, Julian continued through the rest of "Curious George and the Firefighters," reading right up to The End. He persisted through some competition from his sister, who sat right down next to him and said "BOO? BOO??" requesting the book (most of what she says is intonated as a question). She was easily distracted by a pair of shoes. I'm delighted at his effort and interest. He really, really wants to read, and that's going to be the biggest factor in his success.

Good thing, because I paid a deposit today to enroll him at a new school. I don't know how I came to this exactly; I made my improved commute a little worse by moving him, but I do feel better about it than where he was. I especially felt good talking to the director of the new school and hearing her say she'd been there 7 years. Continuity is a really good thing in childcare and teaching.

I got one room under control in our rental house, finally! Katrina's room, the easiest one possible. In doing so, I uncovered a box of toys that included a pair of sunglasses, which Katrina latched right on to. It was SO funny watching her walk carefully around, almost with her hands out in front of her, because she's not used to the shaded view!


Gabriel came home from CDC early today with a temperature, and Katrina has the most horrendous and painful diaper rash (BRIGHT glaring red, raw and bleeding spots). Just in time for our redeye flight tomorrow!

6/27/08

6/26/08 Day "off"??

Amazing how many things go through my head during the day, then when I sit down to write, it's all gone.

I have so many things to do that no one thing seems sufficient at the moment. Gridlock is a serious problem. I did tackle my primary task today, which is an application for a pension for my Dad, but more questions than answers arose. Do they really need to know the name and address of his first employer?

My friend Tracy was here visiting, so I saw her and her 5-year-old daughter this morning. She was the first friend I made when I moved here, which makes us friends for 20 years now. She's a San Jose native who transplanted to North Carolina when her husband's job got moved, but all her family is here. (Including her sister, who manages my nearest Trader Joe's!) So I get to see her whenever she visits, including today. I was sorry to hear they're probably never coming back -- the quality of life in Wilmington N.C. is just too high. Sigh. We had a nice breakfast at Hobee's, and I brought Julian along for her daughter to play with.


(circa 1989, left to right, Alisa, me, Ehud (Zohar dance teacher), Tracy)

Exterior demolition started today. No walls, no doors -- no house! I stopped by briefly with Tracy, but the guys carrying out huge boards with long rusty nails sticking out didn't seem too keen on two women and a child on the jobsite.


Couldn't deal with dinner, so we went to Spoons. I ask the boys to take Katrina somewhere all the time now, so this scene is increasingly common for us, but the overwhelming cuteness never fails to elicit smiles and "awws" and occasionally even a hand over a heart from others. The boys' sincerity and Katrina's delight are indeed very heartwarming.


6/26/08

6/25/08 Last day of work

I packed up my stuff in my cube today, knowing there are good odds I'll get kicked out in favor of a "real" employee before my return Aug. 4th. It's bittersweet -- in some ways I'm glad to have some unstructured time; in other ways I'm going to miss the peace and sanity and unimportance of work.

Katrina was impossible tonight, crying and throwing anything I offered her for dinner -- reminding me why I'm wary of the full-time mom insanity, especially with a testy toddler. I'd overshot, given her dinner too late and now she was in a tizzy. In desperation I offered her Joe's O's (Cheerios, really), and she stopped in her tracks. "oooh!" she said, greedily grabbing the cereal. That was it, problem solved, door opened, and then she ate a modest dinner. I'm always one instant away from the remedy throughout the storm, just never knowing exactly what key I have to turn in what lock to make it suddenly stop.

Julian has a new fascination: a map book in my car. Now he's asking, "Can we go to China?" "Can we go to India?" (wonder where he got those ideas!). Then, "Can we go to Africa?" "Can we go to a lake?" and asking Gabriel to read him what the names of rivers or anything he sees as a body of water in the map book. He's not impressed by our imminent trip to New York though, apparently that travel isn't sufficiently painful.

Gabriel...entering a new obnoxious phase, in which he giggles uncontrollably, doesn't do anything he's supposed to do, stays up way too late, makes stupid sudden annoying noises. Basically, just being a little kid, but to the usual Gabriel extremes. Still, when he's not like that, he's delightful. Even, dare I say it, sweet!

The boys made a fabulous discovery in our rental house's backyard today: strawberries! We have a strawberry patch! How COOL! I had to admonish Julian for eating one before showing it to me, as that is in general bad practice. Once I confirmed that these were actually strawberries, I let them go to town, picking only ripe ones that pull off the stem easily. I so enjoyed their delight in finding strawberries.

I went running at Rancho San Antonio tonight, about a 6-mile route with moderate climbing. I'm far from completely back in the saddle, but as difficult as my last run was, I didn't have any foot problems. Tonight, I can feel a little pain in my left arch, but nothing that would bench me. It was far, far cooler this evening -- chilly, even -- and I ran with energy and strength and had a great time.

A big contributor to this is getting good, solid, high-quality sleep. I've always been a great sleeper, so the trouble sleeping I've had in the past year is really disappointing, but I am certain now it's mostly migraines that cause that. I haven't had any bad headaches in about two weeks, and have had consistent good normal solid sleep too. Combined with not being in constant pain, good sleep goes a very long way toward making me myself again.

Just in time to be undone by air travel with a toddler....

6/25/08

6/24/08 Progress

Whew, busy day.

Work.

Meeting with contractor & architect at the jobsite (formerly known as "home"). Lots more problems prevented, little things shifted, can we get enough headroom to eliminate a step on the landing. Staircases are always hard.

This is where we used to give the kids baths.


Then architect put on her interior designer hat, and we met again at the kitchen designer's place. They thought there was too much of a mixture of finishes throughout the house and that I'd find it chaotic. Truth is, I'd probably never notice, but I'm not design-savvy that way and am very (too?) tolerant of chaos. But, I do want it to look nice to other people, and I do like to be in places that look nice, even if I don't know what "nice" is until I'm not in it.

The color scheme for the kitchen:


Hard to tell in photos, but, clockwise from upper left:

stain sample for doors, windows and trim.

flooring (red oak)

glass sample for kitchen cabinets

cherry butcher block

cabinet paint color (off-white)

countertop (small square slightly offset)

island/pantry/entertainment area wood stain color

(cherry butcher block again)

Let's put this in perspective. The real color in the kitchen will come from my "shu-shef."


After these draining, but uplifting, meetings, I picked up Julian. Gabriel wasn't back from his field trip to a beach boardwalk, so I went to pick up Katrina at Tonya's. Impulsively, I decided to stop by another daycare/preschool on the way, just to check it out. I've known about this place for some time, and while it has the downsides of not being super close and not providing lunch, it's much brighter and cheerier and has a very nice outdoor play area. And note how I described it as being "on the way." It's 5 minutes from Gabriel's school, and another 7 minutes to Tonya's (12 if I catch reds). Not ideal, but still a big improvement. I'm considering it.

Much to do, no energy or enthusiasm to do it tonight!

6/24/08

6/23/08 Laughing and crying

Last night the boys were in a giddy mood. It's usually cute, but there are times that excessive goofing around amounts to defiance, and sometimes it just doesn't mesh with grumpy baby, a late hour, tired parents, and much to do. Sometimes the only way out of it is crying.

So last night before bath they ran and "hid" in their closet, which has a small spring-loaded latch on the inside to twist to get out, instead of a full-on knob. I told Dave to just ignore them and let them get tired of hiding in the closet, but an even better outcome emerged: they didn't know how to get out! The little latch didn't look like a doorknob, and they thought they were trapped. Giggling turned to silence, then to screaming and crying and frantic calling for us. I had a hard time taking it seriously. Dave meandered over to free them, then showed them how to get out and had them practice. Dorks! At least that finally broke their hysterics and they cooperated with the rest of the routine after that.

Katrina was in a good mood tonight, mostly, though that can turn on a dime. Tonight she was being very silly sitting in her high chair, tossing her head back and forth and laughing, but when I tried to film her, her mood turned to a mishmash of laughing and crying.


Katrina went to Tonya's today, as Melissa is on vacation. It's a slightly shorter drive, but it's a much less annoying one, since the best way to get there isn't a major winding around neighborhoods. Still, I'm not sure I'm ready to sign up for another year of driving to three separate places. Then again, how can I possibly raise a toddler -- especially this one, without Tonya or Melissa?

6/23/08

6/22/08 Playdates

A banner month! The park, two weekends in a row, plus a playdate at home this afternoon. I had nothing to do with that; a coworker of Dave's has a 6-year-old boy who's visiting here for the summer, and Dave's coworker suggested we get them together. When they arrived, Gabriel and Julian were heavily ensconced in some running game, but to my relief the new boy fit right in. Nice kid.

I took the three to the park for a 2004 Las Madres event, and that was really nice. Much cooler than yesterday, and all three had playmates since their longtime pals the White kids were there. Though, Katrina is mostly indifferent to other kids, except where their shoes are involved. Fortunately the rightful owner of a pair of sandals, a 4-year-old boy, was very gracious about letting her most un-graciously insist on playing with them.

I expected a struggle when it came time to wrest her away, and was not disappointed. She cried and fought the whole way to the car, then was set to cry the whole way home (and it was naptime too), but a wondrous thing happened. Gabriel and Julian sang the alphabet song to her the entire drive home (which is considerably longer than it used to be!). It was very sweet, and mostly worked, against all odds. I took her straight from the car to bed.

Doing stuff with the kids is a forced break from the constant pressure I feel to get things done at home, things that are hard to do in bits and pieces. A new thing has arisen now too: my architect/interior designer thinks there are problems in the kitchen design and wants to meet next week to review it. I thought we were done with the hardest thing to do! It's silly to stress about it, I'm the customer after all, but it's so easy to doubt myself when people I trust and rely on have second thoughts. I'm annoyed at how much this bothers me. Meantime, we've got to get our front door decided before leaving on our trip in 6 (!) days.

So what am I doing sitting here blogging, when there's a perfectly good 7 minutes I should be spending doing....aaaaahhhhh!!

6/22/08

6/21/08 Hot Run

I went running this morning while Dave picked up The Three from sleepover, figuring I'd catch the cooler morning. Nice plan, except we're in the midst of a heat wave, and the morning was also really hot.

I planned a route that included my favorite trail (Upper Wildcat Canyon), one I haven't run in months. But to get there involves some decent uphills, and they hurt. Usually after a few minutes of uphill, I hit my stride, but this time it took every scrap of willpower to keep going, from giving myself nearby goals ("make it to that tree!") to thinking about how I'd been wronged by ex-boyfriends to forget the pain. Neither worked, but I finally plodded to a vista point where I let myself rest, choking for breath. I even sat down, and that proved to be a big mistake -- my feet and hands felt swollen and strange, and I felt dizzy and almost faint.

It was very hard to get going again, especially since I had another half-mile of uphill to go, and the break only made it worse. Then I started to get chills -- actual goosebumps on my arms, and had a few waves of nausea. My thinking was still fairly clear, and while I don't offhand know all the symptoms of heatstroke, chills, nausea and dizziness probably aren't good signs. But all would be fine when I reached the peak.

Finally, I made it to the top of my favorite trail, marking the end of the uphilling, and headed down with great relief. This trail is shaded, downhill takes far less effort (cardiovascularly, anyway; musculoskeletally, not so good), I'd play my music, and I'd be set. Wrong. Somehow not having to push through the uphills let my endorphins ebb or something. It took so so much effort to keep going, as my whole body hurt and I felt weak and strange. I had to coach myself for every step now, and reached back even farther for jerky ex-boyfriends (lots of those to fall back on). I didn't dare walk again.

It was the longest trip down that trail I'd ever taken, but somehow I made it to the farm, where I took a long, long drink at a fountain. Not because I felt all that thirsty, but because I was getting scared about how strange I felt and figured dehydration must be part of that. I'm not a big water drinker, and I never carry, or need, water when I run. The stop again set me reeling and made the relatively short flat jog back to the parking lot one of the hardest stretches I've ever done. I had to stop twice more, and twice thought I might faint, though I have enough experience fainting to know if I have time to think about it, I'm not actually fainting.

I made it back to the parking lot with more fear than relief. Quick stretch, then a long walk to my car (in a different parking lot), where I sat for a few moments to see if sitting would bring on more waves of weird feelings and if I could drive. I could. At home, some fruit, drinks, sitting and seeing my children all made me feel much better, but it took all day to shake off the weak feeling. It's too bad that my long-awaited reunion with my favorite trail was one of the hardest run experiences I've ever had.

OK, so much about me.

I've really been feeling bad that I haven't been doing anything with the kids, and that I'm so constantly distracted by remodeling things, my Dad's affairs, the turmoil of the rental house, and by our upcoming trip. Still, I think with all the sleepovers they needed some home downtime, and after my very rough morning, I wasn't in the mood to go anywhere today.

Downtime got old and the boys complained about being bored this afternoon. So I un-bored them by getting them to help me unpack, which made it a lot more fun. Julian liked unwrapping things, and Gabriel labelled some boxes for me -- very neatly!! He was offended when I offered to spell something that he thought he already knew.

Katrina mostly bopped around and played and "chatted" with me and the boys during our work. When Julian unwrapped a decorative jar of nuts, she zoomed right in on them. I dumped the nuts into a big melamine bowl and let her go to town. She picked out the pecans and put them into a little olive dish, then dumped the nuts back into the bowl, and played with them for over half an hour (wearing Julian's sandals, of course). It's amazing the little things that can entertain kids!


Julian couldn't resist joining in the fun, and after some admonitions from me, was able to sit back and mostly watch her, chipping in from time to time without making her screeeEEEEEECCCH!!! in protest.

It occurred to me during my run today (during one of the few moments when I was able to let my mind loose instead of focusing intently on survival), that Julian is old enough to be a playmate to Gabriel, yet young enough to be a playmate to Katrina too. He's the glue that keeps the other two from polarizing the family dynamic. Gabriel and Katrina interact a great deal, but even though Gabriel is not even 2 years older than Julian, his interaction with his little sister is much more on a caretaker level than on a peer level. Julian and Katrina truly play together, to whatever extent Katrina permits it, whereas Gabriel's play with her is much more like mine. It's amazing what a difference 2 years makes when you're only 4. Yet the childhood age difference will be permanently established in their adult relationships.

I got on a good roll tonight and worked hard organizing the garage, unpacking the living room, and emptying more odious boxes that torment me every which way I look. It will take months to undo all the habits our house-under-construction created with its odd spaces, just in time to have to dis-establish all our new habits from the rental house. Ample shelves in an attached garage can create some pretty lax habits!

But tomorrow, some play is called for.

6/21/08

6/20/08 Residents of where?

Dave and I went out again tonight, again in downtown Sunnyvale. The theory was that a short dinner closeby would mean time to work at home, but in practice, I just don't feel like it. Our state of half-unpacked has reached steady-state, and now adding things to this household and living in it had taken on greater urgency. That's unfortunate, because I find the boxes oppressive. But I'm just not in the mood to do anything about it now.

I know I've harped on this a lot, but it really strikes me how different our current neighborhood is. I like driving around it, I like the variety of houses, the older narrower streets, the bigger trees, the close-together small houses, the relative hustle and bustle of people outside.

We visited our house-under-construction tonight, and it hit me that we've actually been living in Cupertino all along, not Sunnyvale. It's a Sunnyvale zip code, but everything about it is much more like Cupertino -- quiet, large lots, cookie-cutter houses, and yes, the school district with the whizzy-whee test scores. Now we're in Sunnyvale, which is scrappier, lower-brow, less ordered, not as neat and clean.

Clearly I'm brushing on a minor identity crisis between my urban upbringing and my suburban adulthood. But we're not moving!!

I misplaced my camera tonight, otherwise you'd be enjoying photos of Katrina in a rare dress, after soaking through two sets of T-shirts and shorts today playing in water at Melissa's. It's HOT here, a full-on heat wave! The kids are on yet another sleepover, in theory so we can dig out at home, but I'm so defeated that I think I'll just go to bed. After I find my camera. It probably dropped into a box somewhere.

[ Later addendum: it was in my car! ]

If Katrina isn't pushing the tricycle around in circles with one foot, then she's pushing around something else with wheels. Later, all three of them on their way to Tonya's for a sleepover, big brother as usual on baby duty.


At Tonya's, we weighed them with clothes but without shoes. Gabriel was 39.1 pounds, Julian 35.8. Gabriel might actually break 40 pounds before he's 7!

You can probably see that I trimmed Katrina's bangs, sneaking in a snip before she knew what was happening, resulting in a goofy angle again. I give up!

6/20/08

6/19/08 Permits in!!

We got our building permits today!! Now work can start in earnest. And here I haven't ordered our entry door yet...pressure's on!

Katrina....top of toddler form. Arrgh! And I'm flying with her in 9 days?!

6/19/08

6/18/08 Yarn crafts

This morning I found a long crocheted chain, made with the yarn Gabriel picked from Michael's the other day.

I taught my son to knit tonight. I never thought I'd say that, but I'm delighted, and so is he. It's been a long time for me too, but once my brain set free, my fingers knew exactly what to do. It's much harder for him than crocheting, but he's having a great time with it.

Julian is very envious, so I spent some time with him tonight finger-weaving, which is how Gabriel got started. I don't actually know how to finger-weave, but it didn't take long to realize that Julian mostly needed my one-on-one attention, not the yellow yarn.

My tiny tyrant tonight absolutely refused to feed herself -- I had to spoon-feed her. Yesterday she would have been horribly offended by that, today she insisted on it. Argh! Toddlers! Well, the upside was that her dinner went much faster and I didn't have to spend 5 minutes on my hands and knees scrubbing away the aftermath.

I went running today with someone else at work during lunchtime. He's just six weeks older than I am, and has a brand-new baby in his life....his granddaughter.

Overwhelmed with preparation for our upcoming trip East, a monster application form for a pension for my Dad, finish selection for the remodel. Yet all I seem to achieve is gridlock!

6/18/08

6/17/08 Tile

When I picked Gabriel up from the CDC today, he was working on his second row of crochet! I sure wish I had time to sit down and do this with him....if I remember myself that is.


While I was signing Gabriel out, Katrina took off on an adventure, I thought into the other room. I asked him to mind her, and after a moment realized I didn't see them in the building. I dashed outside to the parking lot to find Katrina determined to go into the parking lot, but Gabriel dutifully restraining her, turning it into a game.

It was far from an emergency, but it was one of those brief lapses of attention that lead to close calls and accidents, when some good piece of fate steps in and keeps a moment from turning to tragedy. This time, my guardian angel was Gabriel. I thanked Gabriel, but also told him it was my fault for not paying closer attention to her and that he shouldn't have to be responsible for her, though I was very glad he was and very proud of him. What a terrific brother!

I spent the afternoon at a fantastic tile store (which happens to be called Tile Fantastic) in complete sensory and aesthetic overload. Everything there is just so beautiful. How do I choose? Fortunately, I had help, from my architect-now-interior-designer, and she helped focus what I wanted and pull it together. Though we have 6 areas of tile to choose (three bathrooms, two fireplaces and kitchen backsplash), we picked it for two bathrooms and make good headway on the third. I'm beside myself!

Hard to tell from photos, but here's the design for the downstairs bathroom. It's intended to be light, with punch accents from the glass tile, and looks much better in real life than in the photo.


Guest suite bathroom


Then I went to the kitchen designer's place and settled on butcher block for my island after all. I'm really excited about this now -- I love wood, so organic and natural, absorbs sound, mixing bowls won't slide. The island will have no obstructions so it won't be hard to maintain (the one big downside), and I think it'll add an earthy touch to a country-ish kitchen.

Left from right: red oak flooring, cherry island door, cherry butcher block (I x'd out another one that's beech, which I like better but is too close in color and too uniform in grain, though I also like that better!).

This would be a lot more fun if I still didn't have so many unknowns ahead of me, but we made serious headway today. I'm treading into the world of friends like "Kinda Crafty," for whom design and colors and matching and coordinating and ideas just flows from numerous fertile rivers in her head. Me, I'm stuck at the bottom of a dam, staring up at a vast expanse of concrete, stunned. I have to thank scrapbooking for starting to open the door, and help me learn to find my aesthetic instincts. It's an uphill struggle. I'm a lot better at measuring and cutting and applying the right kind of glue than choosing patterns.

I got a happy chuckle from an unexpected source today: my Dad. Seems he's found a lady friend, in less than a week in his new digs! He's younger and healthier than most residents, and he's lacked daily companionship for so long, I'm so glad he has an outlet now. I smiled all day at the idea of him living that utterly normal part of his life again.

Building permits due tomorrow!

6/17/08

6/16/08 Gabriel's new hobby

I took all 3 to their respective locations this morning....except as I was just about to drop Julian off, I decided to take him to Katrina's last music class instead! The teacher remembers him, and said she loves his story: that he was motionless in class, but that he remembered the songs and sang them on the way home from class, and often talked in song.

Not much has changed, he mostly sat and stared just like he did when he was a toddler.


Katrina clopped around in Julian's sandals for most of the class.


I'm not sure why I clicked the camera at this exact moment, but I unwittingly caught a moment that was notable, sort of. When kids put objects away (scarves in this case) there is usually at least one kid who goes around collecting every object they see, even if another kid is holding it. Nothing mean or aggressive, just eager. One almost 2-year-old girl was one of these uber-helpers today, and attempted to help Katrina put away a scarf.

Katrina's reaction stopped all traffic for a moment: one of her ear-splitting hair-raising eye-popping screeches, in which her whole body tenses up, face turns red, veins push out, and it looks like she's about to explode. My goodness, the offense! I was as stunned by the excessive force of her reaction as everyone else for a moment, but once I regained my wits she was easily redirected.


Julian had fun at the class, and when I asked him later if he liked the teacher, he said, "Oh, YEAH!". Mary Lynne really is exceptional, and I will certainly find a way to take Katrina to another Music Together session.

When I picked Gabriel up from the CDC today, he was once again in the knitting corner, studiously crocheting a pretty nice little chain, amidst other kids (and one grownup directing it all) knitting. He really wanted to do more crocheting at home, so I took him to Michael's tonight to get him his own crochet hook and yarn and knitting needles (my knitting stuff is buried deep in a box somewhere). He's really excited about it!

I don't know how long this phase will last -- there's a good chance it'll end the first time some macho-boy informs him that crocheting is for girls. My mother, my sister and myself all knit, and my sister even started her own business with her own unique and charming crochet designs, so I'm happy to nurture this. This will be a great airplane activity for him, and he's looking forward to getting pointers from Aunt Stephanie.

Big steps backward in night-training, no dryness the past few nights.

Little progress unpacking too, it's really becoming odious.

Beautiful old fir floor in house beyond repair -- in fact, some of the newer plywood subfloor also beyond repair. Now the house not only has no floor, but no subfloor either. I should get a photo just to show people who still think we could have lived there during construction!!

6/16/08

6/15/08 Shaggy boys no more

I really wanted to go the Y today, but there was a Sunday playdate at one of our favorite parks, and I knew at least one other mom would be there. I haven't taken all three to the park in a long time, and we needed the "sanity." Somehow my camera got left behind, so I didn't get photos of Katrina acting very silly inside a tunnel.

They all had a great time, though we left way too late. When we got home, Katrina made a beeline for her room, cried "Mimi!" and almost lay down in the floor, begging for a nap!

Not long after that, Julian asked about his bin -- the boys both have special bins to put things that are their very own -- but it was on a shelf buried behind boxes. So I moved the boxes, and as I did, a sort of obstacle course emerged. I deliberately created a goofy path through the boxes, wondering if the boys would notice what I was doing. Julian kept asking about his bin and Gabriel ignored me until he impatiently asked, "What are you doing?! Then I said, "I'm making a maze!" They both immediately brightened and started ordering me where to put boxes. I made a tunnel and a dead end and they played happily in there for the rest of the afternoon. I can't win against the pile of boxes, so I might as well make use of them somehow.

My late-afternoon plans to re-attempt the Y got shortcut again by...well, short cuts! Though there are plenty of nearby haircut plaes, I took them to the Supercuts we usually go to since it's close to the Y, where I needed to go anyway (the Y had two purposes today: to exercise, which didn't get fulfilled, and to pay for daycamps, which did). Julian said he wanted a chicken haircut, meaning, his hair all spiky like I do with shampoo sometimes. The nice lady granted his wish with gel, as he was so sincere and cooperative. I told her the story of Julian's first haircut and how good he was, unlike his brother and sister who screamed and cried. He was very proud to hear me talking about how good and brave he's always been about haircuts (which is exactly why I did it), and the ladies at Supercuts were completely charmed by him.

Before.


During.


After.


I used to think gel was silly, but now I think it's fun!

Katrina needs her bangs trimmed, but I think I better drum up a Valium prescription first. For her or me, I don't know yet.

6/15/08

6/14/08 Neighborhoods

Tonight I went out on an errand while Dave put the boys to bed. In our new place, all my reference points have shifted -- I still go to Trader Joe's and Target, but now they're different ones.

It's so different here, just 2 miles south of our house, and even in the same city. It's older, busier, bustlier, no hint of Brady-Bunch suburban sterility, more people walking around, more activity in all directions. It appeals to the urban side of me, indelible from my childhood. Yet our rental house is on a nice quiet cul-de-sac, with big rustling trees, and super, super nice neighbors, all of whom speak English so far. Our next-door neighbors are retirees who've lived there for 42 years, since the house was built, and they have a granddaughter who's a month older than Katrina. Today they offered their phone number in case we ever needed any help with the kids!

Did we make a mistake? Should we have moved instead of remodel? I've never liked our neighborhood, a great one by most measures, but not "neighborhood-y" enough for me.

Well, there's a reason we didn't end up closer to a downtown to begin with: the house. After a lot of house-hunting in 1999, I chucked the checklist, thinking it all came down to three major items: the house, the location, and the lot. Of those, we'd be lucky to get two out of three.

At the time, I lumped "neighborhood" in with "location," and now I see those two things separately. Our "old" location is great -- close to highways and businesses I like, but I've never been crazy about the neighborhood. Our "new" location is amidst a neighborhood I like better, but it's located near a busy traffic-choked road and adds 10 minutes to every trip to my usual spots. A run at Rancho now means a 20-minute drive each way. I think neighborhood is more important to me than location...or is it? The complexity of getting out of Willow Glen made me hesitant to move there, though I absolutely love the neighborhoods there.

But of those three -- maybe four -- major items, it really comes down to the house. We love our house. And nice big houses with big yards aren't near downtowns -- apparently for all my urban upbringing, I really did want to be in the suburbs.

Dave and I made good use of our child-free time today, making some major decisions such as a front entry door and flooring. Our door will be based on this one, but with a sidelight and more glass, 'cause I don't want to have to stand on tiptoe to look out my own front door!


After our shopping spree, we picked up our little crew. I was so glad to see them again, but the feeling wasn't mutual. Katrina was crying and fussy, Julian whiny and complaining that he wanted to stay at Melissa's, Gabriel varying between giggle-pesty and indifferent.

We took them to the "old" house to check it out. Now all the flooring has been torn up, and we found out some fascinating things about our house. What we've been calling the "sun room" probably was a porch, as the original fir floor was painted.


Our office used to have a bay window, until the corners on either side were filled in during some-or-other improvement. (Our house was built in 1913 by a man who married and raised a family there, and died living there in the mid-1970s, so it makes sense that the house had some upgrades during his 50+ year stay.) The office floor itself is a beautiful rich red color, with the tight vertical grain characteristic of fir.

I'm wondering if we can repair and refinish that floor, as a nice historical touch (that will cost 10 times more than putting a new floor in).

Not long after we got back home, we got a real treat: our first playdate! Betsy ever-so-kindly brought by our weekly fruit subscription, along with her trio, which meant an instant playmate for each kid. Gabriel and Gina wasted no time running through the house hollering their heads off as usual. But once Gina caught sight of the mound of moving boxes out back, a construction project was underway.

I wish I caught a photo, but even Dylan and Katrina had a few moments of interacting together.

I still haven't met my goal of getting one room in this house under control, but there's still tomorrow!

6/14/08

6/13/08 Lucky day

We did it! The city backed down on our $1157.13 fee, finding a "prior condition" clause. So we don't owe the difference between two sewer connection fees (the house has been connected to sewer for 50 years) for becoming a 3+ bedroom house (the house had a 3rd & 4th bedroom added 30 years ago) after all. Whew! But you can bet we'll straighten out what we thought was an amusing quirk in the county records about our house still being a 2BR/1BA.

We HAVE to unpack. I HAVE to get my Dad's finances in order. I HAVE to set up rent and contractor payments. We HAVE to order an entry door and choose flooring very soon. We just can't get any traction on these things. So the kids are all at Melissa's for a sleepover, and will be there tomorrow morning and early afternoon too. Darned if I don't miss the little buggers though.

Friday the 13th 2008

6/12/08 Endings and Beginnings

The ending: Gabriel's last day of kindergarten was today!! The classroom was open for 20 minutes before the end, so parents could come and see the room and hang out. I was late, and I felt SO bad that Gabriel was waiting outside his classroom for me, looking around anxiously. But I did get some time there, and he showed me where he sat, and his cubby. My tough little cookie.

Gabriel and his teacher, and outside his classroom.

Gabriel and his best friend, Parth.

Gabriel and Parth talk a lot apparently -- Parth's father knew all about our move and remodel!! Parth is a really nice kid, talkative in an engaging way that reminds me a lot of Julian.

I took the day off work for Gabriel's last day of school, but also for another reason. It's always a dilemma for bloggers whether or not to write about the tough stuff, but out of respect I haven't written about what's going on with my Dad. But now there's no chance he'll read about it in my blog. Most of you know about it anyway.

The beginning: My sister and brother, bless their hearts, moved our father in to a very nice private facility in Pittsfield, MA today. We'd hoped to move him to traditional assisted living, but he didn't qualify, and so he went into the secure dementia facility. He's mid-stage Alzheimer's (never officially diagnosed but all signs point there), and while he's better off than most of the patients in the dementia facility, he's not nearly self-sufficient enough anymore for traditional assisted living.

We've been helping him live at home, alone in upstate rural NY for a year now after he lost his driver's license (another traumatic event for him and us), but the isolation has really taken its toll. Now my father is surrounded by very, very caring and nice people who are experts in handling dementia patients, and he'll have everything he needs. Except his mind.

The history of Alzheimer's on my Dad's side is strong and frightening. His mother died of it in her early 60s, as well as a grandmother and an aunt. In 2000, my sister and brother and I talked amongst ourselves with great concern about my father's increasing memory struggles. He was only 68, and probably could have been diagnosed, if he were willing, before then. This history, and my own occasional blankouts (which way do you turn a key? though that's probably more migraine-related) don't bode well for me.

But I'm sure as heck not going to make my demise as difficult on my children as my Dad did on me and my sister and brother. Think it's noble to tell your kids to just let you die or take out out to a field and shoot you before ever putting you in a nursing home? It's not. It's incredibly selfish and causes no end of stress and guilt for your children, who absolutely are not going to shoot you and absolutely are going to have to move you at some point. Alas, but I can't hold Dad accountable for any of the old sh*t that goes on in families anymore.

Fortunately, today he went willingly because he's very excited about the "brain fitness program." He really, really wants to get his memory back, and his focus on that since he's learned about "the program" has given him new spark. He believes he's there for the program, and when he gets better, he'll move back home. It's tricky at his level of understanding; there's no point in arguing with him that no, this is permanent, you're moving. And he's right -- if he gets his memory back, he will move home. He's physically very able. He's only 75. He'll likely ask at some point when he's going home, but the staff there are experts at dealing with dementia patints and know how to handle it.

A child-free friend once said to me, "You're not really a grownup until you have
kids, right?" and I found myself answering, "No, you're not really a grownup
until you're taking care of your parents." Kids make you a kid, babies make you...well, jello, but aging parents -- that's the real grownup stuff.

My house is in a-shambles (both of them). The city wants to charge us a fee for having more bedrooms than they have in their records. We still don't have our building permits. My father is starting the best new step possible in his life, but there is no good path from here for him. A few days without a migraine is rare.

And people think raising three kids is stressful?

Kids keep everything rooted, normal, moving along. They make me stop and trim fingernails, try on new summer shorts, sign up for day camps, read stories, talk about Legos, play tickle-chase with a guffawing toddler. They make me be a mom, a person that they need and love no matter what else is going on in my life. They're filled with joy and hope and optimism and want nothing more than to play and be happy. They can be annoying -- very annoying -- but not truly stressful.

I think I'll go give my new first-grader a hug and then go get the rest of them now.


6/12/08

6/11/08 Pajama Day

Last night we were talking about Pajama Day at school today, and commented that Gabriel should go in underpants, not Pull-Ups as he'd normally wear under pajamas. But apparently, he now doesn't want his peers to know he uses Pull-Ups, which led to my asking him if he wanted to try night-training again. He gave me a goofy "yes" answer, almost unwilling to talk about it.

And his Pull-Up was dry this morning!

But the best part is, he seemed to have decided to make it happen....er, or not happen, as the case may be. He explained that he was lying in bed, then suddenly his eyes popped open...he said he knew he had to go pee, thought about just going in his Pull-Up, then decided not to. He was very proud of himself for waking up. We're using a Pull-Up again tonight (he is a very heavy sleeper), but if he's dry, then it's genuine skivvies for him. I have a "feeling" this is finally it!

This morning Dave had an early meeting, so I did the big triple dropoff this morning. This included a wake-up call for our soon-to-be new reality: school started at 8:40 for all kids today, including PM kindergartners. This will be our life for many years to come, starting in August when Gabriel starts first grade. It was a scramble, but I got him there exactly at 8:40, Katrina in tow, Julian already dropped off.

First, they all 3 had breakfast together. I've taken to waiting to dress Katrina until after she's done dribbling milk all over herself.


Katrina asks every time I put her in the car where Gabriel is. I can tell more by her expression and gestures than her words, which sound something like "ih biy?" She points to his seat and her tone of voice and inquisitive face are clearly asking after him. Then when she sees him, she smiles and says "BIIIIIIHHHY!" Julian gets much the same reception, with a sort of "jhhhuuuuhhhh!" sound. It's very sweet to see her ask about her brothers, and it tickles them to no end.

My house is gone. GONE. It's a shell. You can't tell from the street, but three days of discrete interior demolition have been swift and unrelenting.

Here's my old kitchen.


Here's how it looks now. All that's left is the cute little boy (not pictured).


The old family room, or rather, a view of the kitchen from the family room. Notice that dark corner all the way on the right? That was where my sink was.


And now.


I thought I'd be rattled by seeing this...Dave sure was. He even said he wasn't sure any woman should have to see her house in a state like that. I was prepared to be upset, but I was more fascinated than anything. Ohh, so that's why the sun room's ceiling is higher! I never knew there was insulation in that wall! Gabriel was with me and he too was fascinated, took it all in stride.

Truth is, the house we're living in now is the one no woman should ever have to live in. What a mess! Unpacking is drudgerous and infinite...I can't even get a single room under control. If I get just 3 boxes done a day, they have to run out eventually, right?

Well, turns out, it's great fun for kids to unwrap stuff and discover what's inside! Gabriel got 3 boxes done tonight, each filled with individually-wrapped bowls, shakers, little dishes, and countless other tiny breakables. The best unpacking resource has been right under my nose all along!

Tomorrow's a really big day in many ways....an ending and a beginning. More on that...tomorrow.

6/11/08

6/10/08 The Moon

I was outside with the boys while Dave was bathing Katrina, and something or other was really bothering her and she was crying up a storm. It was really, really loud, punctuated by full-body screams, and the whole neighborhood must have heard it. It worried me rather than bothered me, despite the volume and intensity, because it sounded like painful crying instead of angry tantrumy crying.

Julian asked, "Can the moon hear Katrina?" I half-joked that she was pretty loud, it must be able to. "NO," said a scornful, skeptical Gabriel. "Of COURSE the moon can't hear Katrina." Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Moon's Ears....ah, a childhood gone. "She has to be even louder than THAT for the moon to hear her!" Whew.

As soon as I was done trimming Gabriel's disgusting toenails, I went to check on her, and by then she was fine. A rear-end rash, best guess. It reminded me that we actually haven't had any major tantrums in a while.

Dave and I and our architect were livid together about something this jerk at the city building department told our architect today. He wants to charge us a "developmental impact fee" for adding bedrooms, which we're not doing, but he insists our house is a 2BR/1BA. And it was, 30 years ago, but has long since already been a 5BR. What makes him think it only has 2 bedrooms now? Friggin' realquest.com!!!!!! Never mind those pesky official city records!

I'm finding myself feeling almost insecure these days, I think because my home is so topsy-turvy, with projects everywhere. The kitchen still isn't unpacked, boxes are in every room, and it's just a mess. Nothing serene or comforting at all. And despite the rental's vastly improved kitchen, bright sunniness, attached garage and big leafy trees out front, I miss our house. Warts and all, it had character and quirkiness and unexpected spaces.

Anyway, that's the least of my worries right now. Much more pressing is the auditory range of an orbiting natural satellite.

6/10/08

6/9/08 The Big Dig

Just HOW many individually-wrapped glasses, dishes, vases, pitchers and countless other items can one person take?! By the time we get it all unpacked, we'll just have to pack it back up again!

And I had a busy day, even without trying to dig out from piles and piles of boxes.

Today was the last Musical Monday. First, our second-to-last Music Together class. Katrina played with my shoes for much of this, putting them on me and then playing with them herself while the rest of us made music. Sigh. But she had a good time (as long as I didn't interfere with SHOES) and then so did I.


Here's Katrina doing the music train:


Mondays are also Remodel Meeting Day. Today I met with my architect/interior designer to work on bathrooms. I know enough to keep tile under control, but maybe some colorful accents in the kids' bathroom that aren't too too kidlike...?

Will three kids have conflicts when they're older sharing a one-sink bathroom? I'd be a lot more nervous about that if they were all girls!

A notary errand with Dave, home, quick lunch, off to Gabriel's last piano class. Parents were invited this time for a "recital." Brace yourself for the most boring video ever recorded, but I had to do it for posterity.
Gabriel's first recital:


He can play many songs way better than that, but in this case, he's following instructions from the class to read the music, which he's doing.

A side story: Last week, I heard Gabriel playing a very familiar rift from the 1970s, and then realized he was playing "Super Freak" !! Apparently they'd had a Party Day at the CDC and played some old disco songs. Super Freak is very catchy, enough that he had to play it when he got home. Later, he wanted to know if I had Bad Girls and YMCA on CD!

His piano teacher, classically trained, also made sure the kids bowed before and after their performances.


The recital part of the class was over quickly, so she played some musical tic-tac-toe with the kids. Gabriel was very excited and animated, dancing around a lot. I started to get a good clip of this, until he ran toward me unexpectedly -- to hug me! Mom will always take that!! Gabriel is actually pretty affectionate, but he still surprised me, in the best way possible.
Run and hug:


One of the few things we've set up in the new house is the piano, by popular demand. As I was cleaning up Sunday dinner, I heard little-boy voices singing in unison. It was so cute, I quietly grabbed my camera. Gabriel and Julian were singing "Ten Little Indians" together to the piano (one of its pre-recorded tunes). They saw me but didn't mind, and started over so I could record. Other than that, I didn't stage this at all, they just did this on their own.
Gabriel and Julian singing together:

I can't explain why this is so heartwarming...I guess it's cooperation at its best.

I went to Zumba tonight at the Y, even though our new location adds about 5 minutes to the trip. I needed that, as I'm starting to feel oppressed by all the cardboard in our house. I was tired and hungry when I got home, but determined to do whatever bare minimum was necessary to get back on the air -- and I am! It's minimal, but at least I can upload photos and check email with Eudora instead of the ultra-lame Web interface my ISP offers. I've gotta fix that. Someday. When all the cardboard boxes are gone.

6/9/08

p.s. I hate getting behind in photos, but I mentioned yesterday Katrina's surf PJs that she loves, and I have a photo, so....

So cute...I want some too!

6/8/08 Hot handles

(hmm, maybe I should start a trend of finding the most insignificant thought of the day and using it as a subject for each blog post!).

I discovered today why my pans with so-called "stay-cool" metal handles can make that claim: because if it doesn't take so long to cook something, the handle never has time to get hot. I'm absolutely amazed at the difference in scrambling eggs or sauteeing ground beef. I can't even use the highest heat, in fact, it scorches any butter or oil I've put in the pan. Tonight when it came time to boil water for spaghetti, once again I'd forgotten to get it started ahead of time -- no matter, a stockpot full of water was at a furious boil in a matter of minutes. Think how much energy we'll save by being able to boil water when it's needed, instead of preparing it some vague variable time well before then.

And, I was able to actually simmer spaghetti sauce tonight. Truly simmer it! Not cover it so it doesn't boil over even with a simmer ring, as was the case with my old cooktop. I could even turn the burner up to 3 (out of 10) or so and it would calmly bubble far less than my old cooktop did on its lowest setting.

I'm not sold on the flat continuous surface of the electric cooktop though. Cleanup is unmatched, but I find the pans slide around more than I'd like when I'm stirring the contents. And it makes some pretty furious sounds if I set a pan down that isn't completely dry. The smooth surface is misleading too; Julian almost set a toy down on it, not recognizing it as a cooktop.

I love not having to hike around my old island.

I spent a lot of time at the house today ("the" house has come to mean our house, our real house), holding something of an informal open house for friends to check it out when it's empty. Kids love running around an empty house, and when Betsy arrived with her crew, we had six of them shouting their heads off in an echo-y for a while, it was great. After Gabriel arrived with Dave that is, and before Dave took a suddenly-grumpy Katrina home with him for a nap.

I got a lot done tying up things in the house, including packing up my computer and printer (still not set up, hence lack of photos), but not enough to prevent yet another trip back tonight to mark items to keep in the demolition. I used the ubiquitous blue painter's tape, a terrific tool for instant identification, but with a potentially devastating consequence. No one will read anything once they see the blue tape, especially not the guys who work for the demolition subcontractor hired by your contractor. A piece of blue tape in one place means the same thing in every other place, no matter WHAT you write on it. You can't use blue tape to leave notes -- its mere presence conveys meaning, regardless of what's written on it. In the past, I've even made sure not to use any blue tape to force the guy working to actually read a note, because any blue tape anywhere instantly turns off the analytic process.

I took the boys back to the shoe store today to return Katrina's sandals and pick up Julian's. Store credit for her sandals, so I figured I'd look for something to exchange them for as long as I'm there. I ended up with a $55 pair of Eccos for her, cute girl's sandals in light blue. >> $55 !! << I don't think I spent that much on sandals for the first three years of the boys' lives combined! I just don't have the energy for another shoe-shopping trip.

The good news is that she likes them and wore them happily today without a fuss. She's obsessed with shoes these days, which is often cute, but results in her brothers' shoes getting scattered all over the house, and tantrums when a shoe's rightful owner (often me) would like it reunited with their foot. Then she gets all mad when she can't take off her own shoes to put on someone else's, then demands to have her shoes put back on....on and on. So a fuss-free shoe application is a huge relief.

To my surprise, Katrina showed a preference for clothes tonight too, in the form of choosing pajamas. I got an inexpensive set of two pairs of shortie PJs at Target, but I couldn't stand the "I want to be a princess" lettering on the girls' version, so I got her a surf-theme set. One top has cars all over it, and the other has one car in the front, and she completely insisted on the one with the cars all over it. I called it exactly right, I knew she'd like the cars. On the other hand, I wasn't expecting her to care that much at all about PJs at 20 months old, so in that sense I didn't call it at all.

Lots of new territory, it seems.

6/8/08