7/24/08 Girl love

Gabriel said sometime today, out of the blue, "Mommy, I'm SO glad you had a girl!" Then he hugged me. My boy!

Sigh, I wasn't going to do this, it's late, but whatever...here's the rest of the day, with way too many photos.

We went to the library this --

...ah hell, Katrina just woke up throwing up again!!! excuse me gotta change my shirt...glad I was up and heard her right away...

-- morning, for a Family Fun Day thing with lots of nice toddler-sorts of activities that the boys had no interest in, plus Katrina was being really grouchy. The day was saved when the White kids arrived though. Gina got Gabriel climbing statues (she's a much better climber!), and Julian and Katrina joined in the drawing...


...and marking.


One of my missions was to get a library card and get a few books, but it took so long to get the cards that we had to bail on the books....until Gabriel asked me softly as we were about to get into the car, "Mommy, why didn't we get any books?"

Why can't he be obnoxious or whiny so I don't feel so bad? Peaches and cream in the extreme, that one. I felt SO bad, I turned them all around and went back in to get books, grumpy, hungry, nap-needing, and apparently, still not feeling so well, toddler notwithstanding.

We picked a few books quickly, and it was a smashing success. Both boys couldn't wait to get into the car to read their books, and Katrina loved the one Julian found for her.


Gabriel spent nearly an hour immobile, reading his book about various sorts of signals (railroad, flares, lighthouses, etc).

Julian too spent much of the afternoon reading -- actually reading -- his Berenstein Bears book.

After lunch, nap, cleanup, and dinner, we went to another park (two in a day!) to meet up with longtime pal Lance (from Tonya's) and his mom, for an evening park playdate.

I hoped for a nice trio-photo, but Katrina wasn't cooperating. She was fine playing though, and indeed was much much better than she had been this morning(~guilt~ and now I know why).

The boys had a great time on the seesaw and tire swing together, thanks to Lance's patient mom who swung them.





We left at 8pm, way, WAY late for us, but that's how a good a time they were having!

Does 2 parks and a loving first-grader make up for my irritation at my fussy grumpy toddler, enough for me to get a Good Mom badge for the day? I got my answer when I was changing Katrina's pajamas just now. She was very very calm as I gently pulled her new PJs on, so I paused to pull back and look at her. Then she raised her eyes to mine and smiled.

7/24/08

7/23/08 Park Day and school thoughts

We're still all recovering, but everyone was well enough to make it to a park playdate today. First I chatted with 2004 moms I knew, then ran into another mom I know from Gabriel's piano lessons, struck up numerous conversations with moms she knew, then as I was about to leave, ran into another mom I know from the 2002 group. Talk about networking!

This was for more than just fun though. Katrina has been unbearably edgy, demanding, tantruming at the slightest provocation, and generally being a big pain in the *ss. I'm sorry, I'm tired of sugar-coating, that's really the only way to sum it up. I had to get her out. But I called it right, and she did have a good time at the park.

A nasty blowout she had there (and on my shirt) explains part of her ill temper -- she's still not 100%. I can forgive her that (grumble).

It was really nice being in the park again, doing mom things, chatting with real full-time moms. They seemed happier to me than working moms, but I remember well feeling when I was a full-timer that the working moms I knew were happier. It made me think that I'll look back on these days as being free and happy and idyllic, even on a day that I have a sickish, grumpy toddler. Will I regret not having more days when the big highlight is a park playdate? I thought at one point I was done with full-time momming. I thought I was done with working full-time, too. Even if I wanted to, I can't go back to days like this every day with all three of them, since school looms ahead. But will I regret not doing more of this with Katrina?

One mom at the park has a son who goes to Gabriel's school, and he just finished first grade. She said that if I thought kindergarten was a shock, just wait -- first grade is worse! Oh no!! Her son had a teacher who assigned homework nightly, not a once-a-week package as Gabriel's kindergarten teacher did. Nightly homework leaves no margin for error, there's no skipping one night and making up for it the next night. Or, as Gabriel often did, doing the entire week's homework on Monday night. Yikes.

Am I doing the right thing having my kids in a traditional school? I'm finding myself thinking more and more in terms of well-roundedness, less focus on academics, more on broad thinking. Academics and testing will come later. Kevin's daughters are entering high school and 7th grade, and had no trouble adjusting to "regular" school, and his older daughter says her junior-high teachers appreciated her ability to think out of the box. But I don't want to short-change them either; if any kid was built for straight academics (which our school isn't; it does attempt to be balanced), Gabriel is. But does that mean he should be getting other things now? It's interesting that the uber-academics agree with the granola-ites that early childhood learning is vital, but what that learning should be is vastly different.

I remember in high school that it seemed unthinkable to take a year off between high school and college to travel or work. Now I look back and see experiences like that in youth as invaluable. Can I extrapolate from that the same sorts of broad experiences have the same life-altering effect if they happen in elementary school?

Then again, how much well-roundedness needs to come from early schooling? I got some of those sorts of experiences in other ways, such as our family's cross-country camping trip when I was 10. Some of my most character-developing experiences came later, as an adult (travelling by motorcycle, for instance). As a teenager, I regretted not being pushed more in high school, I needed it and would have done much better; doing well in school was important to me, but I didn't know how to do it. I don't think that mattered much in elementary school.

I'm pretty sure my solid academic base started around junior high, when I was old enough for things to build on themselves. Mrs. Turner, my rigorous 6th-grade math teacher, changed my life. But would I have done better in school, and life, if I'd had a more "whole learning" elementary education before that? Will my children? This is an impossible question to answer, but you still have to take a guess and sign them up for a school!

Hmmph...I think all I've done is confuse myself. At best, I've gone full circle. The whole-learning kids will easily catch up in academic discipline, and the "regular" school kids can get valuable life experiences all their lives. Is it possible that wherever on the academic--whole-learning continuum a child's early schooling falls isn't all that definitive in the end anyway?

Practicality and uncertainty will keep us at our same school for now. Our own kids' personalities don't make it obvious what to do either. Gabriel's so ordered and focused, he's going to do well or badly no matter what -- he moves the world around him, it doesn't move him. Julian's so putzy that he could fall apart without structure, or he could rebel against it. Katrina...lordy. I can't think that far ahead. I just want to get through today with her.

I took this photo because it was the first real smile I saw from her all day, while watching "Ladybug's Picnic," a Sesame Street YouTube video on Dad's iPhone.

And now she's happily giggling to a lift-the-flap book that Dad is reading her after a successful bath. Please oh please let this fuss-storm have passed, it's really been a bad one. But a good day anyway.

7/23/08

7/22/08 Boys' turn

The day started with, "Mommy, my tummy hurts...~~bbbuuuaaah~~" First Gabriel, then Julian. Great. At least they had the heaves on the same day.

Katrina was better, if still very edgy and demanding. She allowed her brothers to join in some Lego building this morning.


She allowed Dad to snooze off on the couch too (while Dad was allowing Mom to take a therapeutic nap) -- but not before piling toys all around him!


Katrina's eating still isn't 100%, but she permitted -- insisted, really -- a banana to be fed to her. I'm in no mood to take a stance that she eat it herself, which she's perfectly capable of, as her will for a fierce tantrum is far far stronger than that for holding a banana right now. Besides, I had some help.



This is what happens when you order stuff online for kids, and let kids choose: Julian's monogrammed lunch sack will be Pink Rose -- there was no swaying him.

And Gabriel loves to shop the girl's clothes! He picked a very cute green shirt with a funky tree on it for Katrina, and chose a striped shirt for her too.

...but, great. The boys were up arguing after they were in bed, with Julian denying he'd ordered a pink lunchsack and Gabriel indignantly insisting he had. They came in to see me to resolve this, and after kicking out the know-it-all older brother, I had to tell Julian he really had ordered a pink lunchsack. I guess I'm calling Land's End tomorrow in the hopes we can get it changed to Lake Blue, though a pink one is probably being monogrammed in China now as I type.

Some parenting philosophies discourage gun play. That sounds nice on the surface, but what do you do when your 4-year-old takes a squeaky mouse that your 1-year-old got for her birthday, the most benign innocent toy there is, and he turns it into a "gun?" You sigh, shrug, accept it as a reality of childhood, and hope they don't "shoot" anyone who thinks you should stop gun play.

7/22/08

7/21/08 All but one

It's hit us all now, except Julian, incredibly, as he has the most susceptible tummy to stomach flu.

Katrina woke up throwing up today, though she had little in her to lose. Dave ended up coming home from work. Gabriel has a cold but has avoided the stomach thing, though he has a nasty cough. Julian's fine.

And I have a temperature, aches, chills, and a lot of the sort of stomach pain that precurses throwing up. It brings with it a form of PTSD, since it brings me right back to the painful, debilitating months I spent in that same pain while pregnant with Katrina, plus heartburn, cottonmouth, horrible tastes in my mouth, and countless other ills. Any sort of stomach pain makes me really paranoid.

But the constant, relentless whining from a sick and hungry toddler is very, very wearing. We're not supposed to give a vomiter any food or water for 24 hours since the last episode. That is really hard! Impossible, in fact. Distracting her and trying to hold her off didn't work, and the crying was always on the edge of turning into full-on tantrums. Katrina was clearly hungry tonight, and I tried to give her things that would take longer to chew, but in the end, she got a bowlful of rice and nearly an entire bottle of Pedialyte (with water!). She's finally playing happily tonight, chatting to herself, so I think the worst is over.

This week is supposed to be the week that I spend summer days with my children, taking them fun places and doing fun things. Not today! And probably not tomorrow.

But I was still determined to get something in, and was delighted to find that a new letterbox had recently been planted in a nearby park. Perfect. After finding the letterbox and exchanging stamps, the boys played on play structures, whil Katrina pushed the stroller around. It was easier for me to be active and moving around than it was standing and watching them play, so we cut it short and were home by 11am.


It was definitely worth getting everyone outside today, even though every step was a lot of effort.

Thank heavens, Katrina took a 4-hour nap starting at 11:30, allowing me, and then Dave, some much-needed rest. We're going through the motions of parenting and childcare tonight, taking turns sleeping, but I'm counting the minutes until I'm horizontal again, huddled under mounds of blankets.

The worst thing is, normally I'd get in a great big fix of Food Network shows, but I can't bear to be around or watch anything having to do with food! Boy, there's a lot of bad TV out there. I'm not sure I'm in the mood for my Netflix WWII documentary either.

I feel absolutely horrible, but my baby is better tonight, so I am too.

7/21/08

7/20/08 Taken down

What an exhausting, trying day. I'm wasted.

Did I say Katrina was a "good" sick baby? Well, even if she is, she couldn't stand up to the bug ravaging her tummy today. After a late bedtime last night, she woke up covered in throw-up around 11pm, leading to another half-hour up while we cleaned up.

I managed to sneak in a short swim this morning (20 minutes, 900 yards, still worth it), before all h*ll broke loose. When I got back, Katrina was taking a nap, and Dave said she wouldn't even lie down unless he stayed in the room with her, which has never happened in her life.

I sometimes do crunches or other boring exercises after swimming, and like to do them while watching TV. So I turned on Food Network and caught the beginning of "30-Minute Meals." To my surprise, Gabriel and Julian were really interested in the show, and asked me questions like, "Can you do this in 30 minutes Mom?" or "Look at the steam!" or "I didn't know mushrooms were food!"

I was having a great time talking with them when the fun was cut short by Katrina's waking up covered in vomit again. Indeed, the fun was over for the rest of the day. She cried and cried all day, wouldn't nap again, demanded milk and food, insisted on being carried, yet refused to be held, then cried and cried some more. She was clearly uncomfortable, and I did everything I could think of to distract her and help her. But it's very difficult to console a baby who doesn't hug or cuddle!

She did her best when I took her out briefly -- to drop off boxes at GoodWill -- reinforcing my theory that unless they're really really really sick, often getting them outside for a change of scenery does them good. The misery picked right back up when we got home though. I spent the afternoon carrying her, reading to her, trying not to feed her (she did get some Cheerios, that got me through 15 minutes), sitting with her, trying to lie with her, and trying numerous times to try to get her down for a nap, giving her Pedialite, reading to her, trying to play with her. She was gravely offended when I offered her the ever-reliable Mimi.

She had to wear down eventually, right? But the more tired she got, the more ramped-up she got. The crying escalated to full-on floor-kicking tantruming and full-blast screaming. This was different from the earlier painful whimpering, but much harder to get out of. Everything I did only worked her up more.

I needed to get dinner made for the boys. And I was seriously worn down from nonstop crying and futile attempts to calm her down. So I did the unthinkable: I put my sick, miserable, screaming baby in bed, handed her her Mimi (which she angrily threw), turned off the light, closed the door, and left. "Just for 5 minutes," I told myself. "I need a break."

She was zonked before that 5 minutes was up. Finally, without an audience, she surrendered. Thank heavens. I retract anything I might have said about her personality making her a good sick kid. Her resistance and making a show of rejecting things and refusal to give in worked very very much against her -- and me -- today when she got seriously overtired.

But I got a good reminder of the long-term prognosis. I had to put Gabriel on timeout for attacking, and hurting, Julian, then added time for reaching out with his hand to try to trip me while he was on timeout. He sat and glared at me and muttered insults, which I had a hard time not letting him see me laugh at. When his time was up, I told him to go wash his hands for dinner -- and he refused. Hah! He's gonna show me, all right, he's going to stay in timeout!. Oooh. I'm scared now.

His counterproductive conflict-seeking was much much more painful when he was a toddler, so now it was rather amusing. It's silly, he knows there are a lot of things at stake that he cares about. He's lost his edge with the ability to reason and weigh consequences. And his sister will too.

I'm looking forward to a sunshine-y day tomorrow.

7/20/08

7/19/08 The Rounds

A stomach thing is making the rounds. Melissa had to close on Friday since her son was really sick and she herself was feeling it too. Katrina had a runny nose and wasn't eating well -- or rather, was eating worse than usual -- so it was a good call.

I picked her up right after our Friday meeting with our contractor at our jobsite. I learned an interesting thing: our gas line was a 3/4" diameter pipe, not even enough to power our boiler. Now it will be a 1-1/2" line. That could explain the anemia of my old cooktop. I get a pang of feeling energy-greedy, but then, it used to take over 20 minutes to get a big stockpot of water boiling, and that can't be green.


Friday night, Dave and I went to our longtime friend Kevin's wedding. He's marrying a lovely lady, a Tai Kwon Do black belt and a runner, and mother of two daughters. Kevin also has two daughters, so this makes for quite the blended family!


Kevin's 14-year-old daughter acted as "Best Man," and gave a great Best Man speech. It was an instant winner, starting off with, "Opposites do attract. I mean, look at the bride -- beautiful, intelligent, funny....then there's my Dad..." Kevin took the roast well.

The wedding family held something of an open house today at their beautiful new house along a creek, to hang out with their visiting family and local friends a little more. Dave and I were among the few parents who didn't bring their kids to the wedding (Katrina the time bomb at a 6pm wedding? No way!), so I was looking forward to the open house with our kids. First we stopped by a plumbing supply store to test out a handshower. Sound silly? Some handshowers are way WAY too heavy to actually use as a handshower, so it's important to feel them.

We made quite the entrance though -- the moment we stepped through their door, Katrina barfed all over Dave and the floor of the entryway. We knew she'd been feeling out of sorts, but this was the first concrete sign! I met much of the bride's family while rushing into the kitchen and grabbing paper towels.

Fortunately, we happened to have retrieved our pickup from the jobsite-house on the way, so had two cars with us. Dave took Katrina straight home, and I stayed for a while with the boys. Kevin's backyard is beautiful, but no match for a Wii golf game.


If the day wasn't full enough, not long after we got home, we packed up again and went to a birthday party. We couldn't possibly miss Andrew's 4th birthday! The boys had a great time in the jump house, and having a pizza & fruit dinner with the usual suspects. Some guests were missing because of -- surprise -- a stomach thing.

Betsy made an adorable rocket cake.


Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Dave reported that Katrina had thrown up again, then went back to sleep. She woke up soon after we got home, with a temperature. Then Gabriel had a few emergency trips to the john, and I'm definitely not 100% myself. Sitting and playing games on the computer with Dad was a fine way to pass the evening before bath & bed. Katrina "coached," like if the boys said they were stuck, she'd repeat "sssss-TUCK! ssssSSSTUCK!"

It's nearly 10pm, but Katrina is awake, and sitting on my lap as I type, since she's had a lot of oddly-timed sleep today. Though she's lethargic and wants to be carried, she's not clingy or whiny when she's sick. I like that she lets me hold her more.

7/19/08

7/17/08 Eggs

Eggs? First, the scramble -- we all woke up at almost 8:30am today. So much for getting on the road by 8:10! Somehow I managed to get Gabriel to daycamp just 5 minutes late for his 9am rally, with the other three in tow, and all having had breakfast.

Julian's Lil'Chef's daycamp has a potluck tomorrow, so we made zucchini biscuits this afternoon. I gave him as many jobs as I could think of, taking over only when it prevented a major mess for me to clean up, but he did really, really well. I let him fill the wells of my mini-muffin pan, and to my amazement, he filled them all equally and without a single splatter!

I took a little clip of him cracking an egg (didn't break the yolk, no shells!).


Gabriel has spent so much time studying how the electronic piano plays its pre-programmed "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" that he now knows the left hand harmony. Obviously his technique needs work, but to me the main thing is: he learned this entirely, completely on his own, from the teeny little screen on the electronic piano.


The gas station where I got last gas charged me $4.41/gallon. Now it's down to $4.37. Down! Finally!

7/17/08

7/16/08 Triple Grind

This daycamp/daycare week has revealed something interesting: I still hate all the driving around, even when work isn't involved. It is an astounding drag on my mood and how I see the whole day. I also just don't like having Katrina so far away. I miss the grumpy little bugger. I'm really looking forward to next week when there are no daycamps and no daycare, when I'm home alone with all of them, free to go anywhere we want whenever we want, or not....sounds idyllic, right? Hah!

Gabriel at his daycamp's morning rally. It's the heart of camp, the root of fond childhood memories, when everyone does a chant together, you're excited to see your friends and start the day...ah, summer!

But Gabriel? "I don't like this part." He just wants to get on with building Legos.

After picking up Julian from his daycamp, we went bathroom-shopping again, poor kid. He took it pretty well.


Do I have the nerve to put one of these trendy "column" style faucets in one bathroom?


Katrina didn't take a nap at Melissa's today, so, zonkie on the long drive home, and under the watchful care of her big brother:


She was a bigtime time bomb at home, so of course sitting down to dinner for me was out of the question. Instead, I wrestled and roughhoused with her on the ground, rolling back and forth with her, or lying on my back and bouncing her on my stomach. She was laughing so hard she could hardly sit up straight, but I knew I was in trouble. Sure enough, when I tried to redirect the game (ouch, it hurt after a while!), she was very aggressive in pushing me back down and planting herself on me again, insisting on continuing. I really didn't mind. She really doesn't allow much physical contact, so I milked the moment. Later, we had fun reading a counting book together, where again she was very, very insistent about sitting in my lap. A fascinating, forceful, focused personality, this one. Detached in some ways, laserlike in others. It's a tough love, but none deeper.

7/16/08

7/15/08 Finding Peace

I went running this morning after the arduous triple dropoff. As I was stretching at the end, a man preparing to go "to the top" (that means the top of the PG&E trail, the highest point on Rancho San Antonio loop trails), asked me if I'd come from there. I explained that I used to run up there, and might again, but I'm managing tendonitis and back issues and have to keep my runs short. He suggested walking instead, using yoga breathing, and explained that he's managing chronic pain from a back injury, and found that meditative walking and breathing were even better than running. I explained that I did try walking when my feet were at their worst, but it just wasn't the same, and I found it frustrating. He stressed again that it can take some learning, but with the right breathing and style of walking, it really is better for the body, and perhaps soul. You really take in your surroundings, absorb them and become part of them, when walking.

I don't doubt what he was telling me, and others have urged me to consider meditation or other forms of mental relaxation. Indeed, managing my spinning mind has always been behind my drive to exercise. But I heard it put perfectly by, of all people, Debra Winger, on a radio interview, when she too explained that meditation didn't do it for her: "I need to keep my body busy to quiet my mind."

In fact, I've often found the "calm" part of a yoga class at the end the most work. For some of us, peace doesn't come easy. It takes effort to achieve mental calm with physical calm.

My mind was at its clearest today at the end of my run, when I did a full-on no-holds-barred sprint. In addition to completely detoxifying my mind and body, those sprints elicit many a comment and start many a conversation! Including, ironically, one about meditation, a very opposite action.

But, as I sit here typing, it feels like there's a layer of bees all around both my feet -- buzzing again. Dang it all. I haven't felt that in a long time, but it seems two runs in three days is just enough. Even short runs that don't cause any immediate foot pain still aggravate my back to cause this referred foot buzzing.

Heard me complain about headaches recently? Nope! I haven't had a real migraine in weeks -- I've lost track how many! How often do I get to say that! I have a bad feeling going back to work will bring them right back on, but for now, I'm coasting with it.

I'm not getting nearly as much done at home during this week as I'd intended, though I'm probably getting more done than I think. The mid-day interruption of picking Julian up, while welcome and enjoyable, splits up my time and reduces my productivity. I got a call from our contractor's assistant today -- they need bathroom plumbing fixtures within a few weeks, so picking shower fixtures has suddenly become urgent. That's tomorrow's task. But if I'm on a roll in the late morning, I'll have to drop it to go get Julian.

I like my afternoons alone with Julian though. I still get little things done, and I have fun talking to him, doing things with him, each of us doing our own thing sometimes, interacting other times. One thing about having three, it makes one-on-one time that much more valuable.

7/15/08

7/14/08 Day Camps

Day camps started today! Even though we have deadlines in the morning again, it doesn't seem as onerous as s c h o o l.

Nevertheless, it turned out that Julian's day camp was moved back to the Y's building itself, while Gabriel's was at a nearby elementary school. Katrina went to Melissa's, and I found myself back driving all 3 to different places again! Another two hours a day spent driving around, plus another half hour picking Julian up in the middle of the day (pre-K camps are half-day). This has to stop!

Julian was obviously having a grand time when I picked him up from Lil' Chefs daycamp, throwing a paper airplane around the huge room where the kids were waiting for pickups. The camp director told me they'd made two cookies and frosted and decorated them, and Julian put them together into a sandwich.


On the way home, he fell asleep in the car, then woke up. When he came inside, he said he was tired, and went into his room and napped until I woke him up at 4:15pm! Then he had a fun snack: yogurt and raspberries in a smiley-face.

It makes me feel like a mom again to do little things like this with him, discussing the differences between raspberries and strawberries, or that if you eat one of the eyes, it's now an alien.

Gabriel was ensconced in a Malcala (?) game when I picked him up from daycamp. He was bounding with joy about the robots they built in the Lego Engineering camp. Katrina lit up around all those kids, and launched right into her infectious giggle to draw everyone around her into her game.


The boys haven't watched any TV at home since we moved here 6 weeks ago. Of course, we were away for some of that, but the real reason is that we still haven't set up the VCR to record (VCR?! Two engineers in Silicon Valley are still using magnetic media?! Lame city!) They've had almost no computer time either (chess, or lego.com games), since the office is cramped, so we're way up on our "screen time" budget. Tonight, they had a chance to watch (we'd have rigged something up), but they had to clean up for the cleaners coming tomorrow, and blew it.

Julian absolutely loves the soundtrack to the movie Les Choristes, and plays it so often on a boom box (more media lameness) that I make him put headphones on so I won't get tired of it. It's so cute, he sings along out loud, basically saying the sounds of the words that approximate French.

Gabriel meantime is right back at it on the piano, figuring out chords (partly from the little screen on the electronic piano), and now also trying to find and play chords on the ukelele. Saturday we went to a party of a coworker's of Dave's, and they have a piano, which Gabriel asked and was allowed to play on. A mom of a cute 2-year-old girl whom Julian befriended sat and watched her daughter and Julian play, within sight of Gabriel, and was blown away by how many songs he played, with chords, and some that he made up. It did seem surprising when I told her that the only lessons he's had was a very very short introductory group lesson. She said he was asking her all sorts of questions about the piano, its keys, and chords that she had no idea about. Same here!

Watching him from someone else's perspective, and on a real piano, it is striking how he puts things together, how driven he is. He's not that experimental, it's more of a technical approach, finding what notes complement each other. He and Julian sing constantly, but Julian makes up tunes and words; Gabriel will repeat songs he knows. But even if Julian is more "musical," whatever -- Gabriel is very driven and very curious. He really, really needs music lessons.

Or not. Not everyone takes to formal training. If music really is in him, it's irrepressible. If he's not into practicing scales every day, so be it. Music seems to have found him, and he'll find his way within it one way or another. Paul McCartney never learned to read music either.

Though I have many, many things to do during my remaining three weeks off work, I'm finding myself very torn again about going back to work. On the one hand, I know I'll miss the structure eventually, and there's also the new need for me to work. On the other hand, I like my time at home and not feeling such intense pressure to keep the day rolling, and hating the moment when I walk in the door with all three of them and have to jump right into dinner-making. The first step of being happy with your life is knowing what you want -- a simple first step that I can't seem to make!

7/14/08

7/13/08 Bicircles

The boys were riding their bicycles in the backyard tonight, in such tight circles that they both high-centered their rear tires with the pedals touching the ground and lowsided several times.


(Funny, I used to practice riding tight circles on my motorcycle as well, since duck-walking a bike into a parking spot isn't an option for me and my short legs, and I had to have good parking-lot skills.)

Katrina picked a strawberry today from our little backyard patch -- does it get cuter than that? Meanwhile, the boys were hiding all the outdoor toys to "fool" me, and then barricaded off the "hiding" place. Good clean fun.


But lest I paint too rosy a picture, the boys were actually pretty annoying this morning, constantly making obnoxious sounds and throwing things, relentlessly tormenting Katrina...it finally broke when we separated them and I took Gabriel and Katrina to the supermarket, while Dave had a nice time alone with Julian and then took him to the (oooooh) hardware store. Lift and separate, you know.

It's still hazy here for much of the day. Last night, that resulted in more weird red glows from the sun, though it's hard to capture in photos.


I went for a short run at Rancho San Antonio tonight, and was rewarded for my troubles by a wasp sting on my back. But, remembering a scene from Huckleberry Finn, in which Huck Finn is rewarded for some act by being allowed to view Tom Sawyer's sore toe, something no little boy could resist, I used the wasp bite on my back as incentive for the boys to quickly get their pajamas on. What kid can resist seeing a nasty bug bite? (though it's not that nasty-looking, just creepy-feeling)

I was grateful to get gas tonight for $4.41 a gallon. At least prices have stabilized for now. I heard on the radio today that the highest prices in the nation are in San Francisco, the lowest in Tucson.

7/13/08

7/12/08 Regress and progress

Is Katrina saying her first sentence? She most certainly says a blob of words, repeatedly, that sounds much like "I want a bicycle!" And I'm sure she really means that. But is it one long word to her, or an actual combination of individual words? Language development -- fascinating. She's repeating back and imitating words all the time now, using phrases she's heard just once or twice in the correct context, and makes intonations that sound very much like actual questions or statements. A language explosion right now.

Meantime, her brothers...Dave took the boys to the BMX park today, for the first time in months. They were both really excited about going, but Julian has suddenly gained some fear about it, and won't go up or down the start-stop plateau or even any of the smaller bumps. I'd expect that of a 4-year-old, but it's hard to imagine that he was zipping up the plateau when he was still just 3.

When we were in Pennsylvania, we visited a longtime family friend at her home in nearby New York. Sally lived on our block in Brooklyn and her daughter Hillary was my kindergarten chum and is still a friend today. Incredibly, 40 years later, my mother and Sally ended up within 10 minutes of each other in the same area of NorthEastern Pennsylvania, though Sally is right across the border in NY.

ANYWAY, Sally invited us to her beautiful riverside home with a small pool, and the kids all went to play in the pool. Gabriel wanted to play on a toy tube, but I told him he had to show me he could swim across the pool first. Easy, the pool was barely 10 yards long, and he's passed much harder swim tests than that. But he got out a few strokes over his head and panicked, treading water and crying out in terror, and I had to reach my hand out to rescue him. Later, at my Mom's place, he wanted to swim on a noodle in the pond, a far more dangerous water situation. Again, I insisted he show me he could swim just a short distance, and once again, he panicked and had to be rescued.

So much for starting swim lessons at 4 months old.

In fairness, the boys haven't really been swimming in months, not since they got tired of swim lessons last December. I'm sure it'll come back quickly, but apparently swimming is not sufficiently ingrained to instantly come back after a 6-month layoff. Come to think of it, my swimming wasn't really established until 4 summers of sleep-away camp from 6th-10th grades.

We're slowly digging out at home -- I can't believe I have yet more unpacking to do, from our trip now. And I still haven't finished unpacking from the move! At least I finally found my cookbooks; I was really getting worried about them. I feel much more settled now that I have them, isn't that funny?

7/12/08

7/11/08 Home again!

We're back! Got in last night, everyone in bed past 12:30pm, yet kids up by 7am. What's that about?!

Is it good to be home? Yes, but as with every trip back East, I find myself torn about where "home" is. I loved being around the trees, soft rolling hills, lush green, the earthy scents and fragile foliage...so familiar. The practical side of me remembers well how old winter gets around February, so it's hard to imagine moving back East, but as it was my childhood place it's very much ingrained. And now, my own children were enjoying playing at my Dad's house the same way I did, so that too brought on much of the feeling of being "at home." I have bipolar tugs of wanting to be in a charming rural area with historic old barns, but also wanting to be in a dense, exciting city, and somehow ended up with neither in the suburbs.

Of course, home really is where the family is, and while all my origin family is back East, my immediate family's home is California. And that's not all a bad thing, even if California is in much the same state as we left it: with a constant haze in the sky putting an eerie red cast on the sunlight. I hear we missed a nasty heat wave, though we had our share of sticky humidity back East too. Last night at the airport, Gabriel, Katrina and I waited for Dave and Julian to get our car out of long-term parking and pick us up at the curb, and it was so warm I was down to a T-shirt. This is unheard of in San Francisco on a July evening!

Everyone recalls my great angst about flying with a toddler, a justified angst, and there were times in the airport before boarding the plane that I knew everyone was thinking "PLEASE don't seat me next to that screaming baby!" Fortunately my worst nightmares were not met. The redeye to the East went well; Katrina had a hard time falling asleep, but once she did, she stayed zonked through a bumpy landing. On the way back, she was a lot of work to keep entertained, but no screaming disasters. She kicked the seat in front of her a lot, which fortunately held a patient young teenage boy.

The travel disaster we almost had was nearly missing our plane on the way home. I'm not sure how this happened, but it took a really, really long time to get from the rental car to the gate, what with all the elevators we had to take, often having to wait for them. One elevator started to close when Julian was in it and we were negotiating the SmarteCarte into it, and it took some frantic work and someone's help to pry the doors open. And that's after a HUGE cart of luggage almost fell on him exiting an elevator on our arrival trip! Julian and elevators were not a good mixture this trip.

We were also late to the airport because I made another fundamental navigation mistake: never, EVER take the Garden State Parkway to Newark Airport, and definitely don't take the exit that says "I-78 Newark Airport" because it sends you the wrong way on the Interstate and expects you to know to get off at the first exit and turn around, without signs of course. Freakin' New Jersey!! But it's my own fault; I've made that mistake at least 3 times now.

Then we faced a long, LONG security line, with our plane already well past boarding time. I cut ahead and asked if I could go through security right away so I could sprint to the gate and ask them to hold the plane. But first I went down the wrong spoke to the wrong set of gates, and had to run all the way back, down a long corridor, then all the way to the end of another spoke. I made it to the gate and found that the plane had another 15 minutes of boarding, but I didn't have my phone or a way to contact Dave, who was still going through security with the kids. So I ran back to find him, but couldn't. After some frantic searching of the security line, a nice security guard let me use his cell phone to call Dave, who answered and said, "Where are you? We're on the jetway!" SH*T! I'd passed them somehow! ANOTHER sprint through the crowded airport to the gate, where I was the last one on the plane. No time to buy food or guilty-pleasure junk reading.

For all our narrow miss, we sat on the plane for an hour and a half before it took off, as the lines on the taxiway are long that time of day. Once we were in the air, things overall went well, and from there, it was a real relief to be home.

One amusing (?) incident: the boys got cheap foam pop-guns that shoot little foam "bullets" from Target while we were in upstate NY. I packed them in their checked luggage, partly with the hopes they'd be forgotten about. But Julian remembered on the plane before we took off, and asked loudly: "Are our guns packed in the luggage?" Yeah, great question to ask on a crowded airplane!

We started off at my sister's family's artloft in Peekskill, then just the Doudnas went to Pennsylvania, where we stayed with Bonne Maman and Papa Paul for July 4. My brother and his lovely girlfriend Anney came too, then my sister and her family, then Papa Paul's son and his girlfriend, so we had a big group for July 4! The one thing we didn't have was fireworks, unfortunately -- inexplicably, the nearest town's big parade and celebration was on July 5, a Saturday. It was a wonderful, relaxed visit, and grandparents and grandkids enjoyed each other greatly.

Then we drove to my Dad's place, "we" being my sister and her family, and my brother and his girlfriend (in my brother's bad-ass new pickup), and us. Dave flew in, rented a car (a 2-door Mustang that I hated), and joined us too. We'd rented a nearby farmhouse to sleep in, as my Dad's old 3BR-1BA house couldn't easily accomodate 6 adults and 5 children. The nearby farmhouse was an active dairy farm when we were kids, and we used to visit it and try to milk the cows, so it was interesting to be there as adults.

A highlight was visiting my Dad at his new residence and getting to know his new lady love and her family. Incredibly, she also has a daughter who lives in Sunnyvale! What are the odds! Her other daughter lives in an affluent community in Massachussetts, and they very kindly invited us all for a visit, including Dad and his lady. Their house was stunning, a beautifully restored 1907 3-story mansion on expansive grounds that include gardens, a lovely pool, and tennis courts. It was a wonderful place to visit and enjoy lunch and get to know this family, and spend time with Dad and his friend, amongst others who completely understand. Dad's lady friend is a little more together than he is, but they're really very similar in their cognitive levels and seem to find great comfort in each other, as we did with her family.

The kids had a great time playing outside at my Dad's place. It was interesting watching play erupt between any combination of them: sometimes it was just the boys, or just the girls; other times the play was more aligned by age, other times it was completely random. They really didn't have a lot of toys to speak of (though the foam guns were a big hit); mostly they played in this little "beach" area (where a plow accidentally dumped a bunch of sand by the road last winter), or rode bicycles up and down the dirt road, followed the hapless cat, and did any number of kid-things. The house is small and not well-suited for 5 children playing indoors, so thank heavens the weather held, though we were treated to a rousing thurderstorm right as we said goodbye.

A random selection of photos:

At a lovely county park in Peekskill


Ronan's "new" pickup, a big hit with the kids


Bonne Maman and all 5 grandkids, not exactly staged and Katrina wasn't cooperative, but it's the only shot I have


Aidan and Julian explore what we call the cornfield (and it did used to have corn)


Ronan and his girlfriend left early after dropping off the pickup -- bye Ro!


The kids playing outside Dad's house


Dad and Norma, with Norma's visiting son-in-law and Norma's daughter, at her house(estate!) in Massachussetts. A first-ever photo that includes all the Doudnas and all the Engels! I really regret not getting Norma's other daughter, other son-in-law, or two handsome grandsons, in the photo.


Preparing a salad in Dad's very, very rustic kitchen (use matches to light the stove and oven)


The cousins, under an old crab-apple tree where Dad used to send us to finish crying, hence the name "the crying tree":


Despite the arduous travel, for me our summer visit with family is an annual highlight, and I hope it becomes so for the kids too. I know at some point they'll want to do their own thing during the summers, so I'm glad they're forming a solid foundation for extended-family relationships for their whole lives to come.

7/11/08

7/3/08 The full crew

My sister and brother both arrived in Pennsylvania this afternoon. I finally got to meet my brother's girlfriend! And perhaps almost as importantly, his "new" F150 pickup. The kids took an instant liking to jumping up and down on its bed.


I went running again today, this is a scene along the way in lovely rural Pennsylvania.




The boys played outside with these tiny baby scooter toys until rain forced them inside.


Gabriel and Aidan played checkers for HOURS today, advancing the play to chess by nighttime.


After the rain, Julian and Anney (bro's girlfriend) played ball.


We also set up a ping-pong table in the garage, on which I narrowly beat my brother. Then we showed the boys how to play (my niece had a fever and was resting inside). I can see this won't come easy -- just hitting the ball at all was a challenge for all three, but the one who made contact the most -- and got it across the net and hit the table to top it off -- was Julian.

Katrina took a break from our now thrice-daily power struggle about meals and actually ate some broccoli. She was still glued to the little scooters, and loves this little antique one because it's so easy to push around.


Tomorrow, Papa Paul's son and his girlfriend and two dogs arrive too, so we'll have a very full house for July 4!

7/3/08

7/2/08 Hanging' in Penn.

Great day, doing what we do best but don't do enough: hang out!

First to our longtime family friend's house on the river. Kids played in the pool and with a solar-powered fountain, Mom & I chatted and tried to catch up and keep a toddler from drowning. Plans to go letterboxing nearby foiled by said toddler's desperate need for a nap.

Boys went hiking with grandparents while I stayed back with toddler who had taken a mere 7-minute snooze in the car and never took a real nap. Sigh.


Not so bad, we hung together. I caught up on the phone with another old friend from high school. When they got back, Gabriel was all about blueberries, having come across a big patch of not-quite-ripe blueberries. We had some store-bought ones and he devoured them.

Katrina's having a fabulous time with this old little scooter, not at all intimidated as it starts to careen down the sloped driveway.


Baby to bed early (see previous about NO NAP), driving me crazy with being very picky about when/where/how to eat anything. Dinner was strawberries, 4 bites of rice, and Corn Chex. Boys to bed in time for grownups to watch Juno, decent movie.

me, up late again, will pay tomorrow!

7/2/08

7/1/08 Made it!

Flight went well! Exhausting under the best of circumstances, which we basically had. Katrina had a hard time falling asleep in the carseat, but did eventually and stayed zonked throughout the landing. Boys were great. Saturday night/Sunday morning is the time to fly East, as there's the least traffic and lines. My brother meeting us was essential -- even with him, we still needed Gabriel to push the stroller.

We spent a night at the Engel family's "artloft," then left Monday afternoon for Pennsylvania, from where I type. Katrina especially is having a fabulous time playing outside. Julian has a temperature today. Gabriel enjoying Bonne Maman's piano. Days are filled with little more than looking over the garden and playing Go Fish, and that's great.

We're hoping to be joined by more family this weekend; we know my brother and his girlfriend (who I've never met!) are coming; my sister and her family and hopefully Papa Paul's son and his girlfriend too.

I'm having fun cooking with my highly skilled and creative mother, the master!

photos later, maybe.

7/1/08