6/26/2010 The Neighborhood

Today I had an errand that took me to a most unexpected place. I came across this pleasant charming tree-lined downtown, with outdoor seating and shops and restaurants.


And then a wonderful farmer's market, as most are around here. I didn't have a lot of cash with me, but I had just enough to buy a cheesecake sampler from an enterprising entrepreneur. Still, I regretted not being prepared, because there were tons of beautiful fruits and pastries and flower and fresh herbs.


What a lovely place! Too bad we don't live here. Even though on paper, we do.

This was downtown Sunnyvale, a tiny microcosm within a city that is otherwise dull mid-century suburban sprawl. One block of the original early-1900s grid wasn't razed for a mall in the mid-1970s, and now this serves as its bustling little mini-downtown.

But our house is on the complete opposite side of Sunnyvale, and we're really much more connected to Cupertino. Most of our resources (schools, shopping, library, haircutting and such day-to-day mundanities) are in Cupertino. And Cupertino has no downtown whatsoever to speak of. It's ironic that my major complaint about our house -- that through a quirk of history happens to be within Sunnyvale legal borders -- is the Cupertino-ish not-so-neighborhood.

One thing I can't complain about where we live is being less than 5 minutes from an ice rink. Gabriel isn't crazy about his figure-skating lessons, and neither am I since he doesn't learn nearly as much as he could in the time given, but I am glad it's so close. We're almost done with this series of lessons, then I'll put him back in hockey lessons. It's quite clear that he's already much more of a hockey skater than figure skater.


In theory this afternoon, I was preparing for our trip back East next week so I don't go running around like crazy at the last minute. In practice, I always work better under pressure, no preparations happened at all, and will still end up running around like crazy at the last minute. In my defense, I have been feeling horrible the last few days (contributing to my absence at coffee night with my friends, and absence from this blog), and just don't feel like doing much.

I spent some time in the office this afternoon, and enjoyed looking out the window to see Julian industriously watering all the plants. Never mind that complete drip system we just had installed. I wasn't about to deter him.


Then we turned on my "bubble rock" -- a complete indulgence that I'm still on the fence about, and he played with it a little. I had told our landscaper: "NO WATER FEATURES!" but he knew better and planned for one anyway. And so there is my rock that water flows out of. It goes completely against my function-over-form nature....and I love it.


Katrina threw such a nasty tantrum this morning that Dave bailed on taking Julian and Katrina out to breakfast as is customary on Saturday mornings (I was at skating with Gabriel). After Gabriel's lesson, Katrina was just then putting her clothes back on after stripping them off in her fit that lasted over an hour. It's exhausting and annoying and frustrating. Dave was in a blue mood all day after that.

This is one of her worst tantrum phases ever. We can count on at least one, usually more, major major inconsolable impossible tantrums that lasts well into an hour per day. I know it will end someday, but WHEN?!

But she doesn't tantrum all day. Later she was adorable when she burst downstairs and announced that she'd made a present for Dad -- a new picture of him! She was very proud of it, and we made a huge fuss over it, and over her. I think we both needed that.

These pictures she draws of Dad are adorable. He uses them for his Facebook profile photo.

("Dad, I even made you a PIG nose!")

Now that we have lawns, they need to be mowed. In an effort to stave off my insistence that we will need professional help maintaining our new little park, Dave mows the lawn as early in the weekend as possible. Gabriel, being all about anything machine, said he wanted to mow the lawn. Hah, sucker kid -- you WILL be doing that someday and you won't want to! Unfortunately the mower we have is too hard for him to handle yet.

(Though we learned that Gabriel has reached an all-time weight high: he's a grand 48 pounds now!)

I'm famous for having regrets and pickinesses about things after they're done, and landscaping is no different. I tried hard this time to just let it go, just do what the designer recommended, don't overanalyze, don't change things, don't drive myself and everyone else crazy -- it'll be GREAT, and my usual nitpicking along the way will only complicate matters. Fine.

That said...I wish I'd thought more about our main backyard patios. There's a lovely patio area, but much of the day it's in the sun, while the shaded area closer to the house is (useless) lawn.

Still, Dave found a way to enjoy it today. This bench had its back against the planting area, but he rotated it to look at the yard instead of an ugly electrical panel on our deck. All he needs is a table to set his beer down on.


But he can't sit quietly for long before Gabriel tracks him down with yet another electronics question.


And so, relaxing with a beer turns into unexpected father-son bonding over electrical engineering. This is far better than father-daughter de-bonding over Mom's mistaken attempt to change a faltering pony-tail holder.


Ah, and then my payoff. Dinner, cooked completely on the grill. Welcome summer!


6/26/2010

6/23/2010 The to do list

Oh, forget it. So much to do with our trip coming up next week, I'm overwhelmed. And sick to my stomach again, as usual. I give up for the night.

6/23/2010

6/22/2010 The demon takes another body

Gabriel has been amazing lately. Cooperative, sweet, thoughtful, doing what he's supposed to do without complaint....I only have to tell him two or three times to do something, or stop doing something, and he complies good-naturedly and without hurling insults or grumbling or threatening. He even said "OK, Mommy!" once yesterday. I'm not sure I've ever heard him say that!

The CDC staff has noticed a huge change in his behavior too. Their description of how good and easy he's been makes me realize how difficult he usually is. "He even cleaned up without objecting and only being told once!!" they told me with delight.

There are a number of things that could contribute to this. School is over and there's just less opportunity to disrupt. At the CDC, he's now with the older group of kids, the "SCEEP"ers (I forget what that stands for), which starts with the 3rd-graders. He's now the youngest in an older group, and it opens up a whole new world for him, and suits him very well.

At home, Dave pulled out an Electronics Learning Lab that Dave got as a thank-you gift from his employer, for teaching a basic electronics introductory lyceum at work. So this was not purchased with kids in mind, and we've had it since Gabriel was a baby. I think Dave had planned to see if Gabriel was interested when he turned 10 or so, but he's very very ready for a more advanced electronics kit.

Not surprisingly, Gabriel is beside himself with this new turn in his life, and he spends most of his time at home stooped over this little "lab," studying the book that came with it, inventing new circuits. He's constantly talking about how gates work and something he's put together, or dogging Dave with questions.


However, the demon that possessed Gabriel has found a new home.


Katrina has been awful lately.

Now, I must clarify: "awful" means awful between long bouts of being adorable and sweet and VERY VERY talkative. My goodness, when she's happy, she's so happy that even Gabriel says to her, "Katrina, could you just STOP TALKING for a few minutes already?!"

But when she's unhappy, she's unhappy for a very very long time, and very loudly. It's very disruptive, no one can talk or think when she's fussing or crying or complaining or repeating again and again "I don't LIKE this day. I don't LIKE this day. I don't LIKE this day. I don't LIKE this day...." Just like her big brother, she is a person of extremes, and she holds onto things for a long time.

Today's tantrum started when I picked her up from preschool, she went to the bathroom, and then I helped her get a paper towel -- but the one I first handed her was a little wet from my fingers. That kicked off a tantrum that lasted well after we were home, over an hour. She somehow broke out of it and shifted into her yakkity-yak mode, which is much more pleasant but just as noisy.

Julian has his seriously obnoxious and rude moments, but he's never been a tantrumer the way Gabriel and Katrina were/are. It's more ongoing and pervasive when Julian gets into a state, rather than a clearly defined tantrum.

Is it ever possible to have all three in a good phase at the same time? Or would we pay for that with all three in a horrible phase at the same time?

6/22/2010

6/21/2010 Summer Day

Yippee! It's official! First Day Of Summer!!! The first day of my favorite season!

And what a day to test our new 6:30pm swim lessons. It's working great, but only because it's summer. No homework, it stays light late....I got the kids home early(ish), quick dinner, then zoom all three to swim lesson. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but thanks to summer, it was an easy night. No bath needed, and the kids can play outside after we get home until bedtime. The late-evening sunshine goes a long way toward uplifting my mood and outlook on the world, despite my ongoing ambivalence about juggling work and life.

Tomorrow the days start getting shorter again, but I still see the first day of summer as a new beginning.

6/21/2010

6/20/2010 Dad's Day

I was pretty lame today about Father's Day. I just can't seem to make weekends productive, as I'm always so tired from the week I'm overwhelmed by the need -- and opportunity -- to nap. And also compelled to do some form of exercise on the weekend, as it's so limited during the week.

So while I was out running, Dave put the kids to bed and we missed our chance to do a little Dad's Day celebration and gifts. At least I made Dave's favorite breakfast, and cleaned up while Dave pulled out an electronics kit he's had stowed in a closet for a while. Not surprisingly, this kept Gabriel focused all day, though he did take breaks to follow Dave around and pepper him with questions about voltage regulators and such.

Katrina has been on a tantrum tear lately, one of her worst. They are triggered by things so trivial we can't even remember what started them, and she works herself into a completely inconsolable state, often ending up screaming at the top of her lungs for over half an hour.

But in the end, and along the way, Dave does feel this is all worth it. It's more than he signed up for, and often pushes him out of his "core competencies" and comfort zones, but being a Dad is an inextricable part of life now.

My only great sadness about today is that I can't call my own Dad and hear his joy and delight at my voice, talk about life and people and motivations and general philosophy, listen to him spit in fury at the hell Republicans hath wrought upon the earth, hear him laugh heartily at some clever comment from me, and somehow talking to him brought out my most clever comments if I have any at all. My Dad is still there, but his brain and spirit have been disconnected from language and memory, so I miss him just the same as if he weren't there.

So I wasn't the best wife or mother today, but that's all part of being family.

6/20/2010

6/19/2010 Beach Party

Today we headed for the coast!

We were invited to a beach birthday party by one of Julian's kindergarten-mates, in a different class (same teacher as Gabriel had had actually). Julian and Jake play together a lot at recess, and before I was working I'd chat with his very very nice mother before school started, so we know each other. Jake also attends CDC on some afternoons, so Gabriel knows him too. Jake's mother knew that a beach party would be tough for attendance, so she made sure we were available before scheduling it. So we weren't going to miss this one!

Dave stayed home to wait for an electrician, but I decided to bring Katrina anyway, knowing this was risky. Me and all three at the beach...the boys would be fine, but Katrina's a big wildcard. Still, I knew she'd love the beach, and I don't think she's been to one yet. I should know this, but I'm pretty sure this was her first significant time on a beach!

We were the first to arrive, and Jake and the boys wasted no time messing around in the water together.


Nyah to the weatherman, who was predicting overcast and chilly -- and in the Santa Cruz area (this was in Aptos, just south), they're not messing around. It can be cold and foggy and nasty. But not today!

Jake and Julian wait for the perfect wave to jump.





To my surprise, Katrina got in on the action too. I wasn't expecting her to want to go near the waves, but she tried it. She tripped once and fell to her hands and knees with the water around her, while I was about 10 meters away rescuing Julian's shirt from the surf, and that was it for her and the ocean.

But my experience on California beaches is that most of their time is spent digging in the sand anyway, and that played out today.



The birthday boy is a really nice -- and very cute -- little boy.


When one set of Jake's grandparents arrived, they saw Jake playing with three children (we were the first to arrive) and asked me which were mine. Umm...all of them!


I had a terrific time myself, mostly chatting and hanging out with other parents. Other than one of Jake's grandmothers, I was the only single parent there. And I was the only one who brought more than two children, and of those that brought two, the second were babies.

This ball is almost as big as Katrina, but it kept her happy for quite a while!



Katrina was the only girl until Jake's 4-year-old cousin arrived, but that was it for the girls. The other parents and Jake's grandparents got much amusement (as most grownups do) from how Katrina handles herself around all these boys. I don't think much of it since that's just our life, but indeed, she's quite at home surrounded by older boys, and doesn't hesitate to make her opinion known -- loudly -- about their taking things from her, or her need to have something done for her. She didn't interact with the other girl at all.

Long after the rest of the kids had gathered for lunch, Gabriel and Julian were still hard at work attempting to fill a sandhole with water. They hauled countless buckets of water back to the sand, only to see it be absorbed in seconds. "It just won't fill up!" Gabriel exclaimed.



Several other kindergartners from Julian's school were there, and I recognized some of the parents. When I chatted with them, I got a lot of, "Oh, JULIAN is your son?! My son talks about him all the time!" and then I'd hear stories about our boys playing together. Meantime, I'd have no idea who the other kid was. Julian is quite the social butterfly it seems!

After lunch, the kids were back at the digging. With all those kids around, including friends from school, on this enormous beach, these brothers who share a room and spend so much time together, have to be in the same hole.


OMG. How cute. Jake telling Katrina a secret.

As a younger girl, I wished for an older brother so that I'd have a steady stream of cute guys in my house from his friends. In practice, it never worked that way -- my girlfriends' older brothers usually wanted nothing whatsoever to do with we underdeveloped little pipsqueaks. But maybe there is something to meeting your brothers' friends, especially when they're such cuties like this one.

Katrina didn't even make it out of the parking lot before she zonked. Julian wasn't far behind. Gabriel insisted he didn't need to sleep, right up until the point he succumbed.

When we got home, Julian got out of the car very purposefully, and without saying a word, headed straight upstairs, crawled into bed, wrapped a blanket around himself and slept away the rest of the afternoon. I too remember always being really tired after a day on the beach as a kid -- unfortunately my kids don't have a lot of experience with that yet. I'm so grateful to Jake and his family for turning that around for us today!

6/19/2010

6/17/2010 The Timeout

Yesterday Katrina had a massive fit that earned her a massive (and rare) timeout. I asked Dave to put her in another room because she was screaming so loudly.

Then it was quiet. Dave checked on her and found she was gone. With the boys, usually this is an infuriating act of defiance, but Katrina has almost no timeout history. Most like whatever she was doing was probably pretty funny, hiding somewhere.

About 10 minutes later, Katrina appeared in the kitchen, wide-eyed and with a tear running down her face. In a tiny voice she said, "I was scared of the hummingbird!"

We quizzed her on where she'd been, and she said, "Outside on the bench." "What bench, the red bench on the porch?" (sometimes used for timeouts). "No," she said with some irritation, "the black bench with the diamonds!" Pause, slight sob, then, "The hummingbird scared me, Mommy!" I held her and comforted her.

This bench is a new one in our lovely new front yard. It's a nice spot with the stepping stones, shade, and a bubbler rock and blooming lily next to it. Unless there's a hummingbird scaring you away.


"I was outside on the bench with the diamonds and the hummingbird scared me!"

Hmm, I guess the lesson here is that if you're going to hide from a timeout, you'd better not be scared of hummingbirds!

6/17/2010

6/16/2010 The pout

Oh, Katrina. Huge fuss leaving school today (I dried her face with a paper towel that was not sufficiently dry), and the tantrum continued well past the time we were home. As usual, this amuses her brothers to no end.



Guess where I took this picture today. In our front yard! We have flowers!


Landscapers finished today yayyy! Photos later when I can get better ones.

6/16/2010

6/15/2010 The Procedure

Dave and I took off work today so I could have an endoscopy -- basically, a camera to the stomach. I've had so much stomach pain and weirdnesses in the past few months that I went to a gastroenterologist who called for the test. It's pretty straightforward but does involve sedation and not driving. Initial results were, as almost all are with me, "normal."

However, I can't really complain about a medical excuse to sleep all day! But reality resumes tomorrow.

6/15/2010

6/14/2010 Swim lessons times three

Despite extraordinary circumstances today, somehow, we managed to get all three kids to a 6:30pm swim lesson.

Even Gabriel, who insists he doesn't need them. He actually can swim a little, but this doesn't meet my standard for "can swim well enough not to need lessons."


Julian has a far better attitude than Gabriel, and was happy and enthusiastic. I wish they'd teach him to use his arms though. The boy is 6-1/2, he's ready!


Katrina really liked her lesson, until the end when she wanted a rainbow ribbon and was offered only a pink. Then she had a little tantrum, the ungrateful brat! Still, for her, every lesson is filled with new things, so this is really great for her. Even if she has no idea how to kick. Lah-de-dah...someone peel me a grape while I lounge around...


Maybe she'll even learn to jump in the water someday. For now, I'm happy to see this smile.



Extraordinary circumstances...this morning, Gabriel came to me and told me his head was itching, and that he'd pulled a bug out of his hair. I checked him immediately for lice, but didn't see anything. He had some bites on his back too, so figured it might be fleas or something, put anti-itch cream on his back, and that was it.

No it wasn't. Turns out, I didn't know what to look for -- but the trained daycare staff did. Lice. Just typing that makes my skin crawl.

I had a really important meeting at work today and had already arranged with Dave to do pickups in case it ran late. As it turns out, he had to leave work even earlier to pull Gabriel out of daycare and start dealing with the cleanup. That started with a $15 shaver, and giving Gabriel a buzz cut, then the lice treatment and nit combing, which was easy on his now-millimeters-long hair. Then he started on the rest of the bedding and stuffed animals.

Meantime, my meeting ran late, as I expected. And I expected rush-hour traffic, but I didn't expect a horrible accident that backed up traffic for miles. This set me very late to get home and zoom them all to swim lesson, first barking orders to Dave over the cellphone about where the swim stuff is, where their sandals are, whose goggles are whose. He had them mostly ready when I got home at 6:12, then we whisked them into the car, and got them to swim lesson just in time. Despite that stress, I'm glad we made it, I was happy to see them all swimming again. It's just too important.

As usual, the unpleasant part is the boys together; messing around in the locker room (Julian threw his trunks and I had to go into the men's room to fetch them from atop a shelf), or rough-housing on the pool deck (SO not allowed) while I'm in helping Katrina and everyone is glaring at them wondering where their delinquent mother is. They just can't be left alone together. I'm going to have to figure that out for next week.

Back at home, now we were looking at a late dinner and a much more complex bath process, because now Julian and Katrina needed to be treated too. We carefully inspected them both -- Dave now knew what to look for, as he'd seen it on Gabriel -- but saw nothing. Still, we did the treatment and combing, even Katrina, and didn't find anything.

How, where and when did he get lice?! And how awful that he told me about it this morning and that I didn't detect it! Eeps, the whole thing makes me skin crawl....or is that....uugggh, I'm outta here, I have to go wash my hair with a special "creme rinse!"

6/14/2010

6/13/2010 Workaday

I got one of the most odious tasks around here done today, or at least started. Some paint-touch up was needed, like where the house didn't get painted green where a gate used to be, and various other little things.

Unfortunately I didn't get started until after 3pm. I'm just so darned tired all the time during the week, that it's hard to get myself going on the weekends. This morning, thanks to the generosity and extraordinary donation of patience resources of my husband (dealing with kids and a very obstinate Gabriel), I was able to sleep late and then have a nice long swim. Then thought I was ready to deal with kids and housechores, but just couldn't get moving. I had to take a nap, during which I slept soundly and dreamt, and then I was ready to go. By then it was pretty late.

Since I've started working, I get to work gradually earlier and earlier, and leave a little later too. Despite countless bits of advice that I'll adjust, of course that's not true, and I haven't. Instead, I build a sleep deficit all week and then completely collapse on weekends. By Sunday night, I've recovered and am feeling normal again, just in time for the week to start all over and drag me down all over again. I just don't know how to be me when I'm not bursting with energy.

The obvious answer is advancing age, but that's by no means the whole picture. Even in college I took naps in the afternoon, and could sleep whenever I needed to. Now, I can't sleep when I need to at all, except on weekends, and if you accept the advancing age argument, then I need to more now than ever. Perhaps this is why people pushing the golden years shouldn't have toddlers, but it's the combination of work and child-raising that keeps me from my Z's. For some of us, timing is everything -- it's not how much sleep I get, it's when I get it. Quality over quantity.

At least I've learned the value of the bare minimum, and know how to set goals. I did get this painting done, and while there's more to do and while I did a pretty lousy job of what I did do, at least I met that minimal goal.

Now, next weekend, will I have the energy to finally put up some window film?

Three children was hardly rewarding for Dave today, but thanks to his efforts (did I mention Gabriel was obstinate -- remember that that combination of words does not indicate a simple affair) I did have some very nice moments with Julian helping me with the painting (fetching things, keeping me company, helping Katrina when she needed it). Though our yards are still not all our own yet, we're starting to take back over and actually enjoy being at home outside.

6/13/2010
6/13/2010

6/12/2010 Triple Play

One activity per kid today! No wonder I never felt like getting anything else done.

First, Gabriel's (resumed) skating lessons. We missed 4 straight weeks, 3 due to compressor problems at the ice rink, and 1 due to ... well, Mom needing to decompress when Dad was out of town and there were two other T-ball events the same day and the other 2 kids to deal with. I just couldn't do it last week.

I didn't even see Gabriel's lesson; I dropped him off, ran an errand, and missed the whole thing. Just as well: it was hot today, and who wants to hang around an ice rink in shorts?

Later Gabriel told me it was the worst lesson he'd had; apparently he'd had a bad fall, hurt his knee and couldn't skate for about 5 minutes. Typical Gabriel, this was little more than a passing comment.

Immediately after skating, we zoomed to closing ceremonies for Little League. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I get very choked up at these things. All the pomp and circumstance...I'm a total sucker for it. I guess it's just the great sense of belonging that gets me.

As with the opening ceremonies, after introductions and high-fives with the older teams, the T-ball teams sat in the infield. I noticed that there were more T-ball teams (8) than in any other division (Farm, Pioneer, Minor and Major). No wonder they want to encourage the T-ball so much. It's really is the future of the league.


Julian's team, together for the last time.


So proud of my boy, even though his own enthusiasm for the whole thing is fairly reserved. I get the sense he still doesn't know what to make of it.

But I really loved being a part of this, and wish so much I could have actually contributed. I suppose it's more important to contribute to the school, if I had time to give at all, but my interest and desire is far stronger for "extra" things like this. Even though I was never involved in team sports myself (high school gymnastics isn't the same thing, they're still all individual performances) -- or perhaps because of that. The whole team/community thing just didn't exist in my upbringing, and it barely exists here in upscale overworked Silicon Valley. It makes me want to move to a small town where your neighbors are also your classmates, teammates and best friends.

Back at the "ranch" in Sunnyvale, it was time for -- of all things -- yardwork! The landscapers are days away from being done, and we were disappointed they weren't done on Friday. Just a few little things left to do, then allll their equipment can go away, the port-a-potty can be removed, and we can do a final cleanup and call the place our own again.

But Mother Nature has no respect for such formalities, and the grass grows regardless. Today Dave mowed our new lawns for the first time, and the kids all helped rake.


In the end, we have some very neat and manicured grounds....it's almost weird. What?! Shouldn't I be elated, after all we've been through?! Our place is like a park now! But....I'm not a neat and manicured person. I like sort of wild, scrubby and just slightly out-of-control, like this wonderful Native garden we saw in April.

No lawn or tanbark there!

It's funny, I was raised with lawn and the idea that it's the gold standard for yards is hard to uproot. But more and more I see it as out-of-place, unnatural, almost ostentatious -- even as my eye continues to be drawn to it.

At 3:30 this afternoon, I finally decided that we could try 5:00pm Saturday swim lessons for Katrina. I don't think we'll do this for long, just until August, but she keeps asking for swim lessons (without really knowing what that means). After her recent near-drownings, she needs to learn some basic water mobility, and not from me.

So she's in "novice" lessons at our same old nearby swimschool, twice a week through July. The school warned me that brand-new "novices" often cry and if so, the teacher will ask parents to leave the pool deck. They were very surprised to hear me say "sure, at the first sign of a whimper, I'm outta there!" Katrina of all kids will do far, far better in any sort of lesson when Dave or I aren't around to take a stance against and exercise her twisted sense of principle.


She was very excited about the lesson, dressed immediately in her "two-pee" (two-piece), and eagerly went through getting ready. And she did great, even when I was in sight. No crying, even though she was clearly uncomfortable and taken aback by all this, but she went along with it, cooperated, and even appeared to enjoy the playtime.

A stunning difference between her and her one classmate though: he jumped boldly and happily into the water, clearing at least 3 feet first. She doesn't even know how to jump into the water. His mother told me he's 4-1/2 and that he's had lessons before, and both of those facts show. Still, Katrina's non-athleticism also really shows -- but I must emphasize that my saying this doesn't mean it bothers me at all. That's just the way she is.

In many ways, she's just like me: I'm not a natural in many things I eventually got decent at. Most kids intuitively know how not to drown in chest-deep water; Katrina needs to learn it, and that's fine. (Ironically one of the few things that was natural to me was swimming, but I was older.)

While athletics don't come to her easily, other things do. Much of her interest in spelling and basic arithmetic is stimulated by her brothers -- she always has other kids to answer questions and to get her started -- but it's clear she's interested. Her idea of fun computer time is spelling out "7 + 1 = 8" and other problems she's memorized (it's clear from quizzing her she doesn't actually do the math yet, but the foundation is building).

I predict that Katrina's biggest obstacles will be confidence and resisting things on principle. She often won't answer a question about how to sound something out, or what time it is on a digital clock, instead insisting someone else do it for her, even though we know she can do it. And for things like swimming, she is hesitant and reserved at first. And many things she resists just for the heck of it.

Overall, boys don't face such steep emotional barriers, the world is a simpler place for them. I struggle too with confidence, selling myself short, and having to know something to a much greater depth than my male peers before claiming expertise. I sure wish I had the first idea in how to guide my daughter. Or not.

It should be another beautiful day in a beautiful place tomorrow, with so many wonderful things to do around here, but frankly, I just want to stay at home.

6/12/2010

6/10/2010 Last Day of School!!

It's hard to call the last day of school "school" when all the 2nd grade does is have a big water-balloon fight. Kindergarten had a "poetry reading" though, which I just couldn't miss. I still haven't gotten over the guilt of being late to Gabriel's last-day-of-kindergarten open house, so I sure as heck wasn't going to miss Julian's poetry reading.

And the cuteness was all you'd expect from 5- and 6-year olds reciting nursery rhymes, though of course this is strictly parent and grandparent grade video.


Then kindergarten "graduation" certificates were handed out.


As of today, my first-grader!!


There was no pomp and circumstance at all for 2nd grade ending. Parents huddled behind the famous "blue line" waiting for class dismissal as usual, but I did stop by Gabriel's classroom to apologetically thank Gabriel's teachers again. We've had an ongoing and intensifying dialogue with them about Gabriel's behavior, concluding with a conference just a few weeks ago asking if we really were looking at a problem for 3rd grade. The teacher felt long-term he'll be fine, but he needs a very very structured teacher to deal with his famously discipline-resistant personality.

The teacher we've not dealt with as much, who's had the most trouble, seemed relieved it was over and thanked us again for our support. No gushing about what a delight he was to have in class, like from Julian's teacher!

Later I took the boys to get some new playground balls. They're so into "2-square" that the one ball they've had has become a major point of contention, and the outside soccer part completely disintegrated and fell off. Gabriel's hands and wrists are constantly black with dirt, and bloody and scraped up from knocking the rapidly deteriorating ball. These will be much kinder to his skin.

We have a longstanding theme around here of Gabriel green, Julian blue.


Katrina got a red one too.


I feel like a major page has turned in my life, even though really, it hasn't. They're the ones who finished school after all. Still, summer can truly begin for us all now, yay!

6/10/2010

6/8/2010 Election Day

We don't have a polling place for primary elections this year, but we can walk half a block to a church to drop off our mail-in ballots.

Gabriel had a lot of questions about what an election is and what we were voting about, so I tried to demonstrate the concept of voting with ice cream.

"Who votes for chocolate?" (Gabriel and Katrina raise their hands)
"Who votes for vanilla?" (no hands)
"Who votes for strawberry?" (Julian raises his hand)

Chocolate 2, vanilla 0, strawberry 1. "Chocolate wins!"

Of course, propositions about public funding of elections is much harder to describe in kid-speak, but they did like the idea of being able to vote down vanilla. With Gabriel, I explained it a little better: "You know how you pay sales tax when you buy a toy? One thing you might vote for is if you'd pay more of that tax in order to build more train tracks."

It was a fun short walk, but someday I hope they put it together that Mom and Dad always (well, usually always) voted.


Gabriel carried my ballot and put it in the ballot box too. Our discussion about it was pretty trivial this time, but we're laying the groundwork.

6/8/2010

6/7/2009 Landscape languishing

It's tough wrapping up the last bits of this project; the landscaper has new jobs and nothing we have left to do is any fun anymore.

Still, we have to let the kids out there -- it is our yard still! One way or another, they'll find a place to dig. I think the way Katrina stakes her space and surrounds herself and digs in is absolutely adorable. She'll also play like this on her own for hours, with no intervention at all (except for me to remove a pestering brother or two).


We don't exactly have an area designated for digging, but it's sort of pointless too. Anything diggable will be dug anyway.

Dave and I are going to have to be on the landscapers every day this week -- finish UP! You might not be done, but we are!

6/7/2009

6/6/2010 The book

This doesn't happen often, but a friend had sent email to a small group suggesting a last-minute informal playdate this weekend. I wasn't sure we'd pull it off, but I called her today and we alllll went over there. She's a single mom with one son, so it was very gracious of her to let us descend!

The kids all needed the change of scenery, though I was frustrated the boys were mostly interested in their host's great selection of electronic and battery-powered toys. Katrina had a great time with sidewalk chalk though.

On the drive home, the kids asked about our sidewalk chalk. "Where is it?" Not wanting to reveal the location of one of my few trump cards, nor have them rummaging around, I said, "In a closet." "Where's the closet?" they asked. I put them off: "In a room."

This led to a conversation much like this, with each successive question making the boys laugh harder and harder.

"Where's the room?"
"In the house."
"Where's the house?"
"On the street."
"Where's the street?"
"In the neighborhood."
"Where's the neighborhood?"
"In the city."
"Where's the city?"
"In the county."
"Where's the county?"
"In the state."
"Where's the state?"
(by now they were nearly incoherent with laughter)
"In the country."
"Where's the country?"
"On the continent."
"Where's the continent?"
"In the hemisphere."
"Where's the hemisphere?"
"On the planet!"
"Where's the planet?"
"In the solar system."
"Where's the solar system?"
(at this point my astronomy fails me)
"In the galaxy."
"Where's the galaxy?"
"In the universe!"
"Where's the universe?"
"In....er, space!"
"Where's space?"
"IN THE CLOSET!!!"

As this conversation was progressing it occurred to me that this could be a very cute children's book, properly illustrated. Maybe the initial object being sought is a ball, and in the end, the universe is inside the ball or something.

I can picture the illustrations so well in my head, with a child peering from one location into the vastness of the next. But pictures in my head are forever held prisoner, isolated on a mental island with no bridge to my hand. There simply is no way for the clear, elaborate, distinct images in my head to find their way to paper, my brain just doesn't work that way. (My brain can have wild ideas like collaborating with an illustrator though.)

This sort of story has been written many times, if not this exact one though. I can't imagine how children's book writers can write without kids around though -- this was a natural organic conversation that sprung up out of nowhere, and was spurred on by their laughter.

Well, perhaps I best leave my first children's book to remain in this blog post.

6/6/2010