Good grief. Gabriel has been really easy and cooperative lately, but he reminded us again tonight that when he wants to dig his heels in, he has no equal.
I think it started because I asked him to wash his hands before dinner. He felt he'd washed his hands recently enough, but I insisted anyway. It's a rule, I'm not about to go making judgements on how dirty hands or the length of time or activity engaged upon since the last hand-wash: you wash your hands before dinner.
He was so mad that I had to give him a countdown just to get him to leave the room to go wash his hands, upon threat of losing computer time (something he's been getting daily now that it's summer, a rare thing, and only for programming). Then he sat in the bathroom for 20 minutes until I chased him out with the same threat. Then he sat at dinner and refused to eat for a full 40 minutes, until it was time to clean up. He got a 5-minute respite while Dave to go check something in his car outside, but at the end of that 5 minutes, that was it, dinner's over.
Then he refused to leave the kitchen, put his shoes away, go upstairs to get ready for bath, or do anything without being prompted by the threat of lost computer time. Finally we got tired of pushing him every step of the way and told him that every minute past 8:00 that he's not ready for bed is a day of computer access lost.
He's now 10 minutes past time, with 10 days of computer time lost. Sounds oh so GREAT huh? I can't wait to enforce that one.
An hour and a half long conflict, that's still not over, about not wanting to wash his hands. And don't think for a second that "he'll learn" for next time. Ohhhhh no, if he decides to dig in again, it'll be the same darn thing all over.
That's Gabriel for you. At times like these, I can never decide if I'm madder AT him or madder ABOUT him!
6/20/11
Monday, June 20, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
6/19/2011 D-Day
Low-key Father's Day around here. I went running this morning with Betsy, then came home and made Dave's favorite breakfast (with middling success unfortunately!). I wasn't feeling well today, so didn't do much in the afternoon, but found the energy later to do some long-overdue gardening and pruning. Our landscaping really needs regular attention -- it only took half an hour to clip enough stuff to completely fill our huge yard waste bin. At dinnertime, I put out the things the kids had made for Father's Day, and we had a relatively calm dinner and kid-bedtime.
No major blowouts or issues with kids today -- that's the best gift possible for Dad!
6/19/2011
No major blowouts or issues with kids today -- that's the best gift possible for Dad!
6/19/2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
6/18/2011 Jake's beach birthday
Anyone who has our annual calendar will see that June's photos are all taken on the beach.
Last year, those photos were all taken at Julian's friend Jake's birthday party in Rio Del Mar, just south of Santa Cruz, less than an hours' drive from home. This is the only birthday party in which I'm happy to attend for the whole party!
Jake's mom and I made friends when we were waiting to drop off our new kindergartners (Jake and Julian) at school, and have stayed in loose touch since. Jake and Julian weren't in the same kindergarten or 1st-grade class, but we're holding out hope for 2nd grade!
The weatherman once again predicted cold and foggy -- GEE that's a leap in Santa Cruz in June -- but he was wrong once again, and the fog burned off early to reveal a sunny, beautiful day.
Gabriel and Julian wasted no time filling the water guns.
Katrina was reluctant to go into the water at first, saying she was afraid and that it'd be cold.
I persuaded her to get closer to the water, but it took the help of a brother to get her into the water.
The surf is unpredictable, and it caught both of us off-guard. I got soaked taking this photo, and Katrina got knocked over by the wave and shrieked in terror.
I quickly grabbed her and picked her up to a stand, still screaming in shock. But as soon as she was standing, she changed completely: "That was FUN!!" And after that, I couldn't get her out of the water.
Katrina ran around the water for most of the time we were at the beach, running into the water, running away from it. Twice I had to chase her down the beach as she drifted farther and farther away. I told her to stay near a lifeguard station with a big number 7 on it near us that could be seen from a distance, and she did.
Long after the boys gave up on the cold water, Katrina was still running in and out of it. I'd never seen her run so much! But eventually she was so cold she could barely move her fingers. Her lips were blue and she was covered in goosebumps. I wrapped her up to warm her up.
Moments later, she was right back at it. She refused to put on more clothes or stay on the sand where it was warmer, she was having SO much fun running in and out of the surf.
Meantime, the boys had teamed up with the birthday boy, Jake, and were busy on a major digging project. Jake's Dad is an experienced beachgoer, and he brings a serious shovel and digs a huge hole for the kids as soon as they arrive. He knows what he's doing, because something as simple as a huge hole is a huge hit. The boys spent the better part of the day digging more into the hole and bringing buckets of water to make a "river" into the hole.
I had a great time chatting with Jake's mom and other parents I'd met last year. Dad took the opportunity for a motorcycle ride and stopped by, to Katrina's delight.
As is always the case, we were among the last to leave. It took a good 40 minutes to get everything packed up and everyone de-sanded and ready to go. I had a rare opportunity for a photo-op, but had to promise them birthday cake for that (birthday cake and candles aren't practical on the beach).
I paid up though -- a trip to Whole Foods where they all picked their own "birthday cakes."
Beach days are tiring! The drive back was unusually quiet.
What a great way to start the summer!!
6/18/2011
Last year, those photos were all taken at Julian's friend Jake's birthday party in Rio Del Mar, just south of Santa Cruz, less than an hours' drive from home. This is the only birthday party in which I'm happy to attend for the whole party!
Jake's mom and I made friends when we were waiting to drop off our new kindergartners (Jake and Julian) at school, and have stayed in loose touch since. Jake and Julian weren't in the same kindergarten or 1st-grade class, but we're holding out hope for 2nd grade!
The weatherman once again predicted cold and foggy -- GEE that's a leap in Santa Cruz in June -- but he was wrong once again, and the fog burned off early to reveal a sunny, beautiful day.
Gabriel and Julian wasted no time filling the water guns.
Katrina was reluctant to go into the water at first, saying she was afraid and that it'd be cold.
I persuaded her to get closer to the water, but it took the help of a brother to get her into the water.
The surf is unpredictable, and it caught both of us off-guard. I got soaked taking this photo, and Katrina got knocked over by the wave and shrieked in terror.
I quickly grabbed her and picked her up to a stand, still screaming in shock. But as soon as she was standing, she changed completely: "That was FUN!!" And after that, I couldn't get her out of the water.
Katrina ran around the water for most of the time we were at the beach, running into the water, running away from it. Twice I had to chase her down the beach as she drifted farther and farther away. I told her to stay near a lifeguard station with a big number 7 on it near us that could be seen from a distance, and she did.
Long after the boys gave up on the cold water, Katrina was still running in and out of it. I'd never seen her run so much! But eventually she was so cold she could barely move her fingers. Her lips were blue and she was covered in goosebumps. I wrapped her up to warm her up.
Moments later, she was right back at it. She refused to put on more clothes or stay on the sand where it was warmer, she was having SO much fun running in and out of the surf.
Meantime, the boys had teamed up with the birthday boy, Jake, and were busy on a major digging project. Jake's Dad is an experienced beachgoer, and he brings a serious shovel and digs a huge hole for the kids as soon as they arrive. He knows what he's doing, because something as simple as a huge hole is a huge hit. The boys spent the better part of the day digging more into the hole and bringing buckets of water to make a "river" into the hole.
I had a great time chatting with Jake's mom and other parents I'd met last year. Dad took the opportunity for a motorcycle ride and stopped by, to Katrina's delight.
As is always the case, we were among the last to leave. It took a good 40 minutes to get everything packed up and everyone de-sanded and ready to go. I had a rare opportunity for a photo-op, but had to promise them birthday cake for that (birthday cake and candles aren't practical on the beach).
I paid up though -- a trip to Whole Foods where they all picked their own "birthday cakes."
Beach days are tiring! The drive back was unusually quiet.
What a great way to start the summer!!
6/18/2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
6/17/2011 Rose Blossom
Katrina...what a funny little thing she is.
Picking kids up this week has been crazy because they're all 3 in different places. I pick Katrina up first at preschool, then Gabriel at our usual CDC, then Julian at a YMCA daycamp where he took Martial Arts for a week (and he loved it). Despite this craziness, having the boys apart has been great for everyone. What a relief not getting behavior reports from teachers or camp counselors every day.
On the way to pick up Julian, which is farther than usual and along a new route, Katrina's been making a game of calling aloud names on street signs, and showing that she knows all their abbreviations, like "Rd" is Road, "Dr" is Drive, "Wy" is Way, etc. And sometimes she make a joke or laughs at a particular street name.
One sign that caught her eye a few days ago was Rose Blossom Drive. "Rose Blossom!" she called out, "That's my new name!!" And so, she's now Rose Blossom.
Rifling through this week's preschool work, I couldn't believe it when I saw the Name on this worksheet.
At least 3 of her worksheets, she'd put her name down as Rose Blossom!! Mis-spelled, but I can forgive a 4-3/4yo for that.
Other worksheets, she used her real name however. This worksheet caught my eye because it asks kids to write a sentence -- a sentence! These are preschoolers! This worksheet shows in the lower left corner that it's technically for Grade 1.
That's Cupertino for you. It's not just Katrina; her whole pre-K class is doing first-grade level work. Meantime other parts of California -- heck, even nearby in San Jose -- are struggling with getting kids up to par in just the basics. I hate it when teachers are criticized for "failing schools"; I think most teachers are very committed. It's families and parents that have the most to do with kids' success in school. Cupertino preschoolers are doing first-grade level work because of their parents -- even skeptical/lazy/apathetic ones like us who don't directly supplement their education at home. Our preschooler is writing sentences and doing basic subtraction without flashcards or tutoring or "educational" anything, and I think that's mostly because of her general environment at home.
Wherever she gets it, I love that Miss Rose Blossom's education opens the world up to her -- it means that she can read street signs, process what they mean, and be able to write a name down as her own and make a game of it.
Speaking of education, one thing I've finally learned: don't even bother putting away my "marking station" when the summer starts or when school starts! Every day it seems I have another item of clothing, towel, water bottle, whatever, to label. I have a whole kit of iron-on name labels, labels with no printed name that I can write on, and heavy-duty stickers for things like swim goggles. Good grief!
6/17/2011
Picking kids up this week has been crazy because they're all 3 in different places. I pick Katrina up first at preschool, then Gabriel at our usual CDC, then Julian at a YMCA daycamp where he took Martial Arts for a week (and he loved it). Despite this craziness, having the boys apart has been great for everyone. What a relief not getting behavior reports from teachers or camp counselors every day.
On the way to pick up Julian, which is farther than usual and along a new route, Katrina's been making a game of calling aloud names on street signs, and showing that she knows all their abbreviations, like "Rd" is Road, "Dr" is Drive, "Wy" is Way, etc. And sometimes she make a joke or laughs at a particular street name.
One sign that caught her eye a few days ago was Rose Blossom Drive. "Rose Blossom!" she called out, "That's my new name!!" And so, she's now Rose Blossom.
Rifling through this week's preschool work, I couldn't believe it when I saw the Name on this worksheet.
At least 3 of her worksheets, she'd put her name down as Rose Blossom!! Mis-spelled, but I can forgive a 4-3/4yo for that.
Other worksheets, she used her real name however. This worksheet caught my eye because it asks kids to write a sentence -- a sentence! These are preschoolers! This worksheet shows in the lower left corner that it's technically for Grade 1.
That's Cupertino for you. It's not just Katrina; her whole pre-K class is doing first-grade level work. Meantime other parts of California -- heck, even nearby in San Jose -- are struggling with getting kids up to par in just the basics. I hate it when teachers are criticized for "failing schools"; I think most teachers are very committed. It's families and parents that have the most to do with kids' success in school. Cupertino preschoolers are doing first-grade level work because of their parents -- even skeptical/lazy/apathetic ones like us who don't directly supplement their education at home. Our preschooler is writing sentences and doing basic subtraction without flashcards or tutoring or "educational" anything, and I think that's mostly because of her general environment at home.
Wherever she gets it, I love that Miss Rose Blossom's education opens the world up to her -- it means that she can read street signs, process what they mean, and be able to write a name down as her own and make a game of it.
Speaking of education, one thing I've finally learned: don't even bother putting away my "marking station" when the summer starts or when school starts! Every day it seems I have another item of clothing, towel, water bottle, whatever, to label. I have a whole kit of iron-on name labels, labels with no printed name that I can write on, and heavy-duty stickers for things like swim goggles. Good grief!
6/17/2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
6/16/2011 Short-timer
It's like I have senioritis. Though I have a zillion things to finish up at work before taking over a week off starting next week, part of me is already there!
AND, only FIVE more days of preschool!!! Ever!
6/16/2011
AND, only FIVE more days of preschool!!! Ever!
6/16/2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
6/15/2011 Lemonade and broccoli
I don't know what got into her, but Katrina really really wanted to make lemonade tonight. Though it was hectic also preparing dinner, I said, OK!
So I taught her how to slice and squeeze a lemon, mix in the sugar, and add the water. It came out light and a little sour, but she was very proud of herself.
The only trouble was keeping Julian out of the way -- he butted into every step. I found a way to keep him occupied and involved though, and he really did help, by floret-ing tonight's broccoli.
I like my kitchen help!
6/15/2011
So I taught her how to slice and squeeze a lemon, mix in the sugar, and add the water. It came out light and a little sour, but she was very proud of herself.
The only trouble was keeping Julian out of the way -- he butted into every step. I found a way to keep him occupied and involved though, and he really did help, by floret-ing tonight's broccoli.
I like my kitchen help!
6/15/2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
6/14/2011 Great day x 3
Gabriel had a great day at the CDC camp, his teachers gushed. It's like they'd never seen this side of him. "So helpful, loved making sand castles, and he likes to cook!"
Julian had a great day at the Y martial arts camp, he gushed. He talks about the stances and sequences he learned, and was so happy to come home with a new Tae Kwon Do uniform.
Katrina almost always has a great day at her preschool, and today was no different. Happy, cheerful, full of funny little comments and pointed remarks.
And people want to shorten summer vacation?! NO WAY!!
6/14/2011
Julian had a great day at the Y martial arts camp, he gushed. He talks about the stances and sequences he learned, and was so happy to come home with a new Tae Kwon Do uniform.
Katrina almost always has a great day at her preschool, and today was no different. Happy, cheerful, full of funny little comments and pointed remarks.
And people want to shorten summer vacation?! NO WAY!!
6/14/2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
6/13/2011 Three's not a crowd
Dispersed! All 3 kids in different locations the next 2 weeks.
This week, Gabriel is at the CDC, Julian is at Martial Arts daycamp at the Y, and Katrina is still in preschool. Logistical nightmare for dropoffs and pickups.
But what a timesaver in listening to the boys' issues together at the CDC from the teachers, and their nonstop complaints about each other later!! Gabriel was happily busy with a Perplexus when I picked him up, and Julian had a grand time talking about the Tae Kwon Do moves he learned today, comparing to Kung Fu. What a relief!!
6/13/2011
This week, Gabriel is at the CDC, Julian is at Martial Arts daycamp at the Y, and Katrina is still in preschool. Logistical nightmare for dropoffs and pickups.
But what a timesaver in listening to the boys' issues together at the CDC from the teachers, and their nonstop complaints about each other later!! Gabriel was happily busy with a Perplexus when I picked him up, and Julian had a grand time talking about the Tae Kwon Do moves he learned today, comparing to Kung Fu. What a relief!!
6/13/2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
6/12/2011 Bike weekend
The boys had Wheel Day at the CDC Friday. Since I was driving Dave's car, we figured this was the best way to get the bikes home.
Walking across streets of course.
Today, Sunday, our longtime moto-friends stopped by with their son Saul, who's 10 weeks older than Katrina. Charles has had his eye on Dave's old Moto Morini motorcycle for years, and I've had my eye on the space in the garage it's been taking up for more years. Charles bought Dave's bike, Sara and I had a chance to catch up, and Saul played with Katrina and the boys on and off. Very nice.
Sigh...someday again for myself too!
It's NOT A SCHOOL NIGHT!! YAYYYY!!!
6/12/2011
Walking across streets of course.
Today, Sunday, our longtime moto-friends stopped by with their son Saul, who's 10 weeks older than Katrina. Charles has had his eye on Dave's old Moto Morini motorcycle for years, and I've had my eye on the space in the garage it's been taking up for more years. Charles bought Dave's bike, Sara and I had a chance to catch up, and Saul played with Katrina and the boys on and off. Very nice.
Sigh...someday again for myself too!
It's NOT A SCHOOL NIGHT!! YAYYYY!!!
6/12/2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
6/10/2011 working and playing
worked hard at home tonight, finishing up a busy week. then I had just a few hours to make use of a 40% off coupon for window coverings, expiring June 10. I usually don't pay attention to stuff like this but window shades are expensive!! 40% is a LOT. funny how I've waited for years to get real window coverings and then it boils down to the last hour.
ok i've had enough, good NIGHT to this week.
6/10/11
ok i've had enough, good NIGHT to this week.
6/10/11
Thursday, June 09, 2011
6/9/2011 Kung Fu Discipline
Thursdays, we take Julian to Kung Fu, where in theory he learns precision and discipline. Overall I really like Kung Fu and how he learns physical control, how the teachers correct every last detail and put up with nothing, but Julian and his contant messing-around really test them.
Today when I picked him up, Julian's white belt was off him and tossed in a corner. I'd tied it myself before he left, so I knew it hadn't fallen off. I had a feeling this was a consequence.
I notice how the Kung Fu teachers watch parents furtively for their reactions, so I wanted them to know that I'm behind any discipline they have to administer to my little darling. At the end of Kung Fu class tonight, I instructed Julian in front of the teachers that he had to listen to them, and that they'd make him do pushups if he didn't listen.
Julian later explained that his white belt was off because he'd "had trouble" with a kick, adding "but I wasn't falling on purpose!" Uh-HUH. That explains why he lost his belt temporarily.
I'd have been in favor of permanently demoting him, except that the meaning would be lost on him and it'd cost me another $25 for another belt test. My last hope for discipline is shot.
I don't mean to raise a passel of conformists - there is value to challenging authority. I'm OK with behaving "sometimes" if a kid is smart about when. But they have to learn cost-benefit tradeoffs -- a fancy-schmancy term for "picking battles." Not happening here. Julian just messes around and can't quit. Even in $25/lesson Kung Fu classes.
What does it take to get through to this kid?!
6/9/2011
Today when I picked him up, Julian's white belt was off him and tossed in a corner. I'd tied it myself before he left, so I knew it hadn't fallen off. I had a feeling this was a consequence.
I notice how the Kung Fu teachers watch parents furtively for their reactions, so I wanted them to know that I'm behind any discipline they have to administer to my little darling. At the end of Kung Fu class tonight, I instructed Julian in front of the teachers that he had to listen to them, and that they'd make him do pushups if he didn't listen.
Julian later explained that his white belt was off because he'd "had trouble" with a kick, adding "but I wasn't falling on purpose!" Uh-HUH. That explains why he lost his belt temporarily.
I'd have been in favor of permanently demoting him, except that the meaning would be lost on him and it'd cost me another $25 for another belt test. My last hope for discipline is shot.
I don't mean to raise a passel of conformists - there is value to challenging authority. I'm OK with behaving "sometimes" if a kid is smart about when. But they have to learn cost-benefit tradeoffs -- a fancy-schmancy term for "picking battles." Not happening here. Julian just messes around and can't quit. Even in $25/lesson Kung Fu classes.
What does it take to get through to this kid?!
6/9/2011
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
6/8/2011 Car trouble
Gabriel's soccer team is SO awesome in some ways and SO lame in others. No team party this year; just a "practice" today in which the coach would hand out trophies.
I was running late from work, so first I picked up Katrina, then zoomed home to get Gabriel's soccer stuff at home (forgot it this morning), then planned to pick up the boys and get Gabriel to soccer.
But the last left turn I made before getting home with Katrina, I thought, "that's odd, the clutch feels really light." I didn't notice anything as I pushed in the clutch in again to put the car in reverse to park in the driveway, parked, then pushed the clutch in one final time to put the car in neutral...and it stuck. The clutch pedal just stayed there, stuck to the ground!!
Uh-oh. I wasn't going anywhere.
I was stunned by my good and bad luck. Did my car really just become catastrophically undrivable, with no warning, in my driveway?! It could just as well have died a few blocks away, turning an amazing irony into a huge pain in the ass!! (Note to moto-geek friends: YES I know it's possible to drive it without a clutch, but this was no time to learn, tons of stop-n-go traffic.)
But there I was, in my driveway, with a now-undrivable car. And I had to get Gabriel to soccer practice!
However, we do have the purple pickup. I rushed Katrina into the pickup, then got the boys, and zoomed Gabriel to his last "practice."
But no one was there....did I get the location wrong? Argh, I couldn't check my email, because in my hurry I'd left my iPhone in my disabled car in the driveway. On top of it, the A/C doesn't work in the pickup, a serious annoyance in a truck with manual windows and a screechy little girl who hates wind on her.
I took the kids home, where I found Dave working on my car (just a hydraulic line problem, he can fix it this weekend). I checked email: the team's field permit expired, so the coach handed out trophies at 5:30 today, which had long since passed. Fooey. Not that I care about stupid "participation" trophies, but I'd have liked to make the one little stab at ceremony this soccer experience has had!
Just last night I was working (again) on my Death Valley writeup, which reminded me how grateful I was at the time to know I had a reliable car.
Our first day in Death Valley, we rescued a poor guy whose battery had died after leaving his hazards on for a flat tire (what a day that must have been for him). I had the jumper cables, a working car, and hand wipes for him afterward, and he was pretty relieved! It was 102 degrees on a very long stretch of straight road with nothing around for miles. Death Valley is no place to have your car die.
But I'd taken the boys on far more desolate roads than that, confident in the knowledge that my car is reliable and well-maintained -- Dave takes meticulous care of it. But when your clutch dies out of the blue, it's pretty unnerving.
Dave points out this is a minor, if odd, failure, and he can fix it. This car has always been sort of lemon-y for a Subaru, and this hydraulic line problem really isn't related to the car's construction, but still, it gets me thinking. Financially I don't have the stomachh to buy another car, but today half of me is ready to say "screw it!!"
6/8/2011
I was running late from work, so first I picked up Katrina, then zoomed home to get Gabriel's soccer stuff at home (forgot it this morning), then planned to pick up the boys and get Gabriel to soccer.
But the last left turn I made before getting home with Katrina, I thought, "that's odd, the clutch feels really light." I didn't notice anything as I pushed in the clutch in again to put the car in reverse to park in the driveway, parked, then pushed the clutch in one final time to put the car in neutral...and it stuck. The clutch pedal just stayed there, stuck to the ground!!
Uh-oh. I wasn't going anywhere.
I was stunned by my good and bad luck. Did my car really just become catastrophically undrivable, with no warning, in my driveway?! It could just as well have died a few blocks away, turning an amazing irony into a huge pain in the ass!! (Note to moto-geek friends: YES I know it's possible to drive it without a clutch, but this was no time to learn, tons of stop-n-go traffic.)
But there I was, in my driveway, with a now-undrivable car. And I had to get Gabriel to soccer practice!
However, we do have the purple pickup. I rushed Katrina into the pickup, then got the boys, and zoomed Gabriel to his last "practice."
But no one was there....did I get the location wrong? Argh, I couldn't check my email, because in my hurry I'd left my iPhone in my disabled car in the driveway. On top of it, the A/C doesn't work in the pickup, a serious annoyance in a truck with manual windows and a screechy little girl who hates wind on her.
I took the kids home, where I found Dave working on my car (just a hydraulic line problem, he can fix it this weekend). I checked email: the team's field permit expired, so the coach handed out trophies at 5:30 today, which had long since passed. Fooey. Not that I care about stupid "participation" trophies, but I'd have liked to make the one little stab at ceremony this soccer experience has had!
Just last night I was working (again) on my Death Valley writeup, which reminded me how grateful I was at the time to know I had a reliable car.
Our first day in Death Valley, we rescued a poor guy whose battery had died after leaving his hazards on for a flat tire (what a day that must have been for him). I had the jumper cables, a working car, and hand wipes for him afterward, and he was pretty relieved! It was 102 degrees on a very long stretch of straight road with nothing around for miles. Death Valley is no place to have your car die.
But I'd taken the boys on far more desolate roads than that, confident in the knowledge that my car is reliable and well-maintained -- Dave takes meticulous care of it. But when your clutch dies out of the blue, it's pretty unnerving.
Dave points out this is a minor, if odd, failure, and he can fix it. This car has always been sort of lemon-y for a Subaru, and this hydraulic line problem really isn't related to the car's construction, but still, it gets me thinking. Financially I don't have the stomachh to buy another car, but today half of me is ready to say "screw it!!"
6/8/2011
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
6/7/2011 LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!
School's OUT! Half-day, everyone dismissed after watching movies and loading up on candy, pretty much a continuation of the party theme of last week also. Honestly, why do we fret so much about 5 furlough days and a shortened school year? It seems like the whole last week and a half of school is a total waste anyway.
I took the day off partly because I had to (CDC closed today) but mostly because I wanted to. I spent the morning making phone calls to wrap up my father's affairs, then went for an unusually awesome run at Rancho San Antonio, one of my favorite places in the world. I got home just in time to finish my teacher thank-you cards, quick shower, zoom to school.
I really wanted to thank the boys' teachers profusely, since they both really went way out of their way to help us with them this year. Lots of extra effort, time, ideas, communication, and we really appreciated it.
Gabriel in particular has had the same teacher for the past 2 years, and we're really going to miss her. Not every teacher would tolerate his shenanigans the way she did, but she also saw his strengths and really tried to cultivate them. He says she's a "nice strict."
After school, we had lunch at home and then I took the boys to Inside Line Racing, an indoor remote-control car place at a nearby mall. My skin crawled at being inside a mall on such a nice day, but it was fun running the cars. The boys loved it.
We picked up Katrina a little early, where another teacher managed to get a photo of them in their "varsity" T-shirts. I didn't take the photo; I'm no expert photographer but I'd have moved to get rid of reflections in the background and fix the sun-on-the-camera problem. Still, the poses are delightful.
At home, the most marvelous scene developed: Julian playing "wall ball" against our neighbors' garage across the street, with our neighbors' two sons and another neighbors' two sons.
The two boys across the street are (as of today) in 3rd grade and kindergarten; the other two who live a few houses down are in 3rd and 1st grade. Also on our street and the adjacent court are a 1st-grade girl, a 2nd-grade girl, a 4th-grade girl, and two more kids in this age range who go to Collins.
Most have this: the ever-present non-English-speaking grandmother from the Old Country.
Katrina was also across the street, and I asked her how she got there. Though our street is very quiet (and WAY quieter now that our RV neighbors left), she knows she's not allowed to cross streets on her own.
Turns out, this is how.
She'd stand and holler for Julian to ferry her across, he'd stop his play and go get her! I disapprove of the running, but I'm glad they're following the important part of the rules (holding hands, looking).
I happened to catch the mom of the kids across the street, and actually met and talked to her. They've only been here, what, 2 years? It was time! She's terrific, and works at eBay. Like most of our newer neighbors, she's from China. She told me that their family and 4 others trade off picking up their kids from our school, then taking them to an after-school Mandarin academic learning center (there are zillions around here).
I asked her if she knew what went on two weeks ago with all the cops and firetrucks, a few days before the troublesome neighbors left, and she said she didn't know -- but two weeks prior, an iPad and a GPS were stolen out of her car! She knew exactly when, because they have a camera system that recorded her going out of their house carrying the equipment, then going back into her house to get something she'd forgotten, then coming back out again. (Unfortunately the camera was not pointed at the street so they couldn't see the activity in the car.) 24 seconds had elapsed, and her items were gone from her car. How awful!! I doubt it was the bad neighbors themselves, but they always had so many unsavory characters visiting and hanging around. She said that her husband wanted to move, but just in time, the patriarch of the parolees died, and his arguing sons sold the house and finally left.
We agreed that we should have a neighborhood party to welcome our new neighbors, a young Asian couple with a 14-month-old, though the woman apparently is a "native English speaker." We don't know yet when they're moving in, but we're encouraged by the (real) contractor trucks we've seen parked there.
I have a feeling we've underestimated how much our trashy neighbors brought the neighborhood down -- I think more than we really knew. With them gone, we might actually have the makings of a neighborhood. Now if only I knew Mandarin.
Congrats to the grads!
6/7/2011
I took the day off partly because I had to (CDC closed today) but mostly because I wanted to. I spent the morning making phone calls to wrap up my father's affairs, then went for an unusually awesome run at Rancho San Antonio, one of my favorite places in the world. I got home just in time to finish my teacher thank-you cards, quick shower, zoom to school.
I really wanted to thank the boys' teachers profusely, since they both really went way out of their way to help us with them this year. Lots of extra effort, time, ideas, communication, and we really appreciated it.
Gabriel in particular has had the same teacher for the past 2 years, and we're really going to miss her. Not every teacher would tolerate his shenanigans the way she did, but she also saw his strengths and really tried to cultivate them. He says she's a "nice strict."
After school, we had lunch at home and then I took the boys to Inside Line Racing, an indoor remote-control car place at a nearby mall. My skin crawled at being inside a mall on such a nice day, but it was fun running the cars. The boys loved it.
We picked up Katrina a little early, where another teacher managed to get a photo of them in their "varsity" T-shirts. I didn't take the photo; I'm no expert photographer but I'd have moved to get rid of reflections in the background and fix the sun-on-the-camera problem. Still, the poses are delightful.
At home, the most marvelous scene developed: Julian playing "wall ball" against our neighbors' garage across the street, with our neighbors' two sons and another neighbors' two sons.
The two boys across the street are (as of today) in 3rd grade and kindergarten; the other two who live a few houses down are in 3rd and 1st grade. Also on our street and the adjacent court are a 1st-grade girl, a 2nd-grade girl, a 4th-grade girl, and two more kids in this age range who go to Collins.
Most have this: the ever-present non-English-speaking grandmother from the Old Country.
Katrina was also across the street, and I asked her how she got there. Though our street is very quiet (and WAY quieter now that our RV neighbors left), she knows she's not allowed to cross streets on her own.
Turns out, this is how.
She'd stand and holler for Julian to ferry her across, he'd stop his play and go get her! I disapprove of the running, but I'm glad they're following the important part of the rules (holding hands, looking).
I happened to catch the mom of the kids across the street, and actually met and talked to her. They've only been here, what, 2 years? It was time! She's terrific, and works at eBay. Like most of our newer neighbors, she's from China. She told me that their family and 4 others trade off picking up their kids from our school, then taking them to an after-school Mandarin academic learning center (there are zillions around here).
I asked her if she knew what went on two weeks ago with all the cops and firetrucks, a few days before the troublesome neighbors left, and she said she didn't know -- but two weeks prior, an iPad and a GPS were stolen out of her car! She knew exactly when, because they have a camera system that recorded her going out of their house carrying the equipment, then going back into her house to get something she'd forgotten, then coming back out again. (Unfortunately the camera was not pointed at the street so they couldn't see the activity in the car.) 24 seconds had elapsed, and her items were gone from her car. How awful!! I doubt it was the bad neighbors themselves, but they always had so many unsavory characters visiting and hanging around. She said that her husband wanted to move, but just in time, the patriarch of the parolees died, and his arguing sons sold the house and finally left.
We agreed that we should have a neighborhood party to welcome our new neighbors, a young Asian couple with a 14-month-old, though the woman apparently is a "native English speaker." We don't know yet when they're moving in, but we're encouraged by the (real) contractor trucks we've seen parked there.
I have a feeling we've underestimated how much our trashy neighbors brought the neighborhood down -- I think more than we really knew. With them gone, we might actually have the makings of a neighborhood. Now if only I knew Mandarin.
Congrats to the grads!
6/7/2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
6/6/2011 Standing Up
I had a really nice, relaxed weekend overall...but in other ways, it was very dark.
I'm haunted by the evil I face at work, and then mega-haunted by how it haunts me. First, I get intensely frustrated at being criticized for things I was doing well, because I was doing them, and well. I was also dogged by the irritation at hearing a coworker say he stands up to Mr. Horrible about relatively benign things (such as Mr.H's total disregard for people's time, always being late, demanding people go to things with little notice) -- but I don't dare to do that after being accused of insubordination. I can't stand it, but my (male) coworkers' observations of sexism might well be true.
Then it bothers me that I'm thinking about this on a weekend at all. Don't I have more important things to worry about? Such as my errant sons, grieving my father, cleaning out the garage, scrapbooking? Yes, of course. But isn't there a point at which I have to accept that the way I am is the way I am, and that I have a hard time releasing my mind and spirit from intense unresolved situations, and that my mind spins on them, occasionally arriving at an answer?
My friend Amy from college, who sadly I have not seen since college, even though I was a bridemaid at her wedding, posts to Facebook:
I can't explain exactly why that appeals to me so much, but it does say something. Many people in this world suffer, and make their families suffer with them, because of a closely held principle. My situation isn't nearly as extreme as standing up to the Taliban, but it has elements of that, and certainly the family suffering is part of it. And me too -- I know rationally that my ridiculous work situation doesn't deserve more than one brain cell firing of thought after 5pm, but unfortunately, the way I'm wired, I just care too much about things being done right. For some reason, my friend's quote hits home.
But tomorrow, I really will set aside principle for the things I know are more important -- it's the last day of school, and I'm taking the day off to pick up the boys and celebrate their passage to 2nd and 4th grades!
6/6/2011
I'm haunted by the evil I face at work, and then mega-haunted by how it haunts me. First, I get intensely frustrated at being criticized for things I was doing well, because I was doing them, and well. I was also dogged by the irritation at hearing a coworker say he stands up to Mr. Horrible about relatively benign things (such as Mr.H's total disregard for people's time, always being late, demanding people go to things with little notice) -- but I don't dare to do that after being accused of insubordination. I can't stand it, but my (male) coworkers' observations of sexism might well be true.
Then it bothers me that I'm thinking about this on a weekend at all. Don't I have more important things to worry about? Such as my errant sons, grieving my father, cleaning out the garage, scrapbooking? Yes, of course. But isn't there a point at which I have to accept that the way I am is the way I am, and that I have a hard time releasing my mind and spirit from intense unresolved situations, and that my mind spins on them, occasionally arriving at an answer?
My friend Amy from college, who sadly I have not seen since college, even though I was a bridemaid at her wedding, posts to Facebook:
"You've got enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something in life."
I can't explain exactly why that appeals to me so much, but it does say something. Many people in this world suffer, and make their families suffer with them, because of a closely held principle. My situation isn't nearly as extreme as standing up to the Taliban, but it has elements of that, and certainly the family suffering is part of it. And me too -- I know rationally that my ridiculous work situation doesn't deserve more than one brain cell firing of thought after 5pm, but unfortunately, the way I'm wired, I just care too much about things being done right. For some reason, my friend's quote hits home.
But tomorrow, I really will set aside principle for the things I know are more important -- it's the last day of school, and I'm taking the day off to pick up the boys and celebrate their passage to 2nd and 4th grades!
6/6/2011
Sunday, June 05, 2011
6/5/2011 Easy Sunday
Very low bar for success today -- and we met it!
My goals: quick workout at the Y, get the boys to write thank-you cards to their teachers, more house cleanup (that was a VERY lofty goal actually), and then let them watch Harry Potter And the Sorceror's Stone. Gabriel and I had watched it together last night anyway, but of course he'd want to watch it again.
Julian and Katrina, like yesterday, were not with the cleanup program until the movie was really in their faces. I said "3:00 and the movie goes on, with or without you!" Julian stepped up, and magically, his PROBLEMS with cleanup vanished. He got his jobs done fast. Katrina refused and insisted she didn't want to watch the "dumb movie" -- until the TV actually went on. Then, wailing, she said she was in a HUGE HURRY to get her work done. This included folding and putting away her laundry, and picking up hundreds of yarn scraps from snipping an entire skein of yarn into tiny pieces.
In the end, everyone got to see Harry Potter, and the house is ready for the cleaners tomorrow. Yay!
Gabriel had it easy today, since he'd helped me so much yesterday. While Julian was cleaning up and Katrina was putzing, Gabriel made banana bread, with guidance and occasional lifting and reaching from me, but for the most part, on his own. He's very proud of his creation!
Gabriel is slowing getting some toys back, but I'm really amazed at how he doesn't seem any more bored than before most of his toys were put into a box in the garage for horrendous behavior last week. He's spending more time on the piano, for starters.
Unfortunately, I missed Gabriel's Spring Concert this year because I was back East for my Dad's service, but I've gotten a lot out of it indirectly because he's been playing one of the songs his class sang on the piano at home. This isn't a complex song, but I still can't help to be impressed that he can play it, even though he didn't play it in the concert. It's not a huge deal for an experienced pianist to pick up a song this simple, but a kid who's had only a few months of lessons, years ago?
Maybe I'm too much of a musical amateur myself, but it still blows me away that he does on his own, just for the heck of it. I asked Dave how he learned it, and Dave said, "he heard it." It's eerie sometimes; it's like he's just wired differently.
The song is about Peace, called "Circle The Earth."
My son making banana bread and playing piano, and his siblings cleaning up after themselves for once -- now that's magic!
6/5/2011
My goals: quick workout at the Y, get the boys to write thank-you cards to their teachers, more house cleanup (that was a VERY lofty goal actually), and then let them watch Harry Potter And the Sorceror's Stone. Gabriel and I had watched it together last night anyway, but of course he'd want to watch it again.
Julian and Katrina, like yesterday, were not with the cleanup program until the movie was really in their faces. I said "3:00 and the movie goes on, with or without you!" Julian stepped up, and magically, his PROBLEMS with cleanup vanished. He got his jobs done fast. Katrina refused and insisted she didn't want to watch the "dumb movie" -- until the TV actually went on. Then, wailing, she said she was in a HUGE HURRY to get her work done. This included folding and putting away her laundry, and picking up hundreds of yarn scraps from snipping an entire skein of yarn into tiny pieces.
In the end, everyone got to see Harry Potter, and the house is ready for the cleaners tomorrow. Yay!
Gabriel had it easy today, since he'd helped me so much yesterday. While Julian was cleaning up and Katrina was putzing, Gabriel made banana bread, with guidance and occasional lifting and reaching from me, but for the most part, on his own. He's very proud of his creation!
Gabriel is slowing getting some toys back, but I'm really amazed at how he doesn't seem any more bored than before most of his toys were put into a box in the garage for horrendous behavior last week. He's spending more time on the piano, for starters.
Unfortunately, I missed Gabriel's Spring Concert this year because I was back East for my Dad's service, but I've gotten a lot out of it indirectly because he's been playing one of the songs his class sang on the piano at home. This isn't a complex song, but I still can't help to be impressed that he can play it, even though he didn't play it in the concert. It's not a huge deal for an experienced pianist to pick up a song this simple, but a kid who's had only a few months of lessons, years ago?
Maybe I'm too much of a musical amateur myself, but it still blows me away that he does on his own, just for the heck of it. I asked Dave how he learned it, and Dave said, "he heard it." It's eerie sometimes; it's like he's just wired differently.
The song is about Peace, called "Circle The Earth."
My son making banana bread and playing piano, and his siblings cleaning up after themselves for once -- now that's magic!
6/5/2011
Saturday, June 04, 2011
6/4/2011 Harry Potter Day
A rainy indoors weekend, Dad is away, and cleaners are coming Monday and the house is a mess. This all adds up to : video incentives to clean up!
Today our one kid-outing was to go to Barnes & Noble, to get the remaining Harry Potter books I didn't already have (episodes 5, 6 and 7). The plan was also to get gift cards for Gabriel and Julian's long-suffering teachers, and thank-you cards for the kids to write in for their teachers. I forgot about the cards somehow, so we're in for another trip tomorrow (or make our own cards at home tomorrow), but we also went to Blockbuster to rent the first Harry Potter movie.
Mean old me, I insist on LOTS of cleanup and laundry before movies. Gabriel had the least to do of all the kids, and he has a point: why should I clean up after them? I hated as the firstborn being expected to do more and clean up after my messier younger siblings. Katrina makes by far the biggest toy-messes, but I tell Gabriel that since I have to help her clean up, then he's helping me, not her.
And Gabriel did help a lot tonight. He cleaned up parts of her room (things that are hard for her to do), he took out the garbage and recycling, cleaned up common areas of the house, folded and put away all his laundry.
It's tricky with him since all his toys were put away last week for his offenses at the CDC -- another subtle side-effect of the oh-so-NOT-simple consequence of putting all his toys away: now he's immediately the best-behaved about cleanup, since he has almost nothing to do. But he still was by far the best tonight anyway.
Julian and Katrina were on notice that there was no movie for them unless they helped, and both of them blew it off. And naturally, both threw major fits when it was bathtime and they realized they weren't going to get to watch the movie. Katrina accepted reality quickly, but Julian -- oh my, he screamed, and I mean screeched at the top of his lungs for no less than an hour (including a 5-minute stint out on the front porch in his pajamas). He was outraged and stunned at being stiffed the movie, insisting that he'd "done enough." He refused to listen to reason that he'd ignored me when I'd told him to clean up something, as usual blaming it all on someone else.
On the outside, it appears easy: "State the consequence, follow through, that's it!" In practice, having your kid SCREAM for an hour is extremely disruptive. It's not "that's it," though I sure as heck wasn't about to back down. It'd be worth it if he meant he learned his lesson and will comply next time, but I'm sure I'm in for the same exact painful hassle again.
There are good reasons I wanted a 2-story house in this 1-story ranch-house area, and tonight that played out. While Julian screamed his head off in his room, Gabriel and I started the movie. I'd planned to only watch half of it - it started way late after all, but he'd really helped me above and beyond and it was so nice watching together, that I said "eh!" and let him stay up really late watching the whole thing together.
I had the Harry Potter books 1-4 because I loved them, well before having kids. I remember thinking that they'd really appeal to kids, so what a treasure for me to experience that kid-appeal first-hand with my own kid now. It's about time Harry Potter fever swept this household!
6/4/2011
Today our one kid-outing was to go to Barnes & Noble, to get the remaining Harry Potter books I didn't already have (episodes 5, 6 and 7). The plan was also to get gift cards for Gabriel and Julian's long-suffering teachers, and thank-you cards for the kids to write in for their teachers. I forgot about the cards somehow, so we're in for another trip tomorrow (or make our own cards at home tomorrow), but we also went to Blockbuster to rent the first Harry Potter movie.
Mean old me, I insist on LOTS of cleanup and laundry before movies. Gabriel had the least to do of all the kids, and he has a point: why should I clean up after them? I hated as the firstborn being expected to do more and clean up after my messier younger siblings. Katrina makes by far the biggest toy-messes, but I tell Gabriel that since I have to help her clean up, then he's helping me, not her.
And Gabriel did help a lot tonight. He cleaned up parts of her room (things that are hard for her to do), he took out the garbage and recycling, cleaned up common areas of the house, folded and put away all his laundry.
It's tricky with him since all his toys were put away last week for his offenses at the CDC -- another subtle side-effect of the oh-so-NOT-simple consequence of putting all his toys away: now he's immediately the best-behaved about cleanup, since he has almost nothing to do. But he still was by far the best tonight anyway.
Julian and Katrina were on notice that there was no movie for them unless they helped, and both of them blew it off. And naturally, both threw major fits when it was bathtime and they realized they weren't going to get to watch the movie. Katrina accepted reality quickly, but Julian -- oh my, he screamed, and I mean screeched at the top of his lungs for no less than an hour (including a 5-minute stint out on the front porch in his pajamas). He was outraged and stunned at being stiffed the movie, insisting that he'd "done enough." He refused to listen to reason that he'd ignored me when I'd told him to clean up something, as usual blaming it all on someone else.
On the outside, it appears easy: "State the consequence, follow through, that's it!" In practice, having your kid SCREAM for an hour is extremely disruptive. It's not "that's it," though I sure as heck wasn't about to back down. It'd be worth it if he meant he learned his lesson and will comply next time, but I'm sure I'm in for the same exact painful hassle again.
There are good reasons I wanted a 2-story house in this 1-story ranch-house area, and tonight that played out. While Julian screamed his head off in his room, Gabriel and I started the movie. I'd planned to only watch half of it - it started way late after all, but he'd really helped me above and beyond and it was so nice watching together, that I said "eh!" and let him stay up really late watching the whole thing together.
I had the Harry Potter books 1-4 because I loved them, well before having kids. I remember thinking that they'd really appeal to kids, so what a treasure for me to experience that kid-appeal first-hand with my own kid now. It's about time Harry Potter fever swept this household!
6/4/2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
6/3/2011 Neighbors
For the last 11-1/2 years, this is a sight that we've seen across the street:
far more often than this one:
In fact, we've never, ever seen no cars in the driveway or lining the street -- and often on the lawn.
Really, we've never seen fewer than 3 cars across the street, usually one or more not running. For many years there was a camper parked in the driveway, with guys living in it. Numerous domestic disputes (and one anonymous call from a nosy neighbor to Adult Protective Services) have summoned Sunnyvale's Finest here, the biggest assembly ever being this past Wednesday night with a fire truck, two ambulances and 4 police cars. All the disputes have been between men, and included a lot of shouting and pounding and cars screeching away.
Activity increased yesterday, with more cars, more guys hanging around, trailers attached to pickups, and a U-haul truck. And today, they're gone. The driveway is empty, and there are no pickups parked all down our street. We've never, ever seen an empty view from our own living-room window. It's been a very strange white trash outpost in the midst of an otherwise quiet family neighborhood.
I don't think the house sold though. The For Sale sign that had broken in half and was swinging in the wind is also gone now. What -- who is next?
6/3/2011
far more often than this one:
In fact, we've never, ever seen no cars in the driveway or lining the street -- and often on the lawn.
Really, we've never seen fewer than 3 cars across the street, usually one or more not running. For many years there was a camper parked in the driveway, with guys living in it. Numerous domestic disputes (and one anonymous call from a nosy neighbor to Adult Protective Services) have summoned Sunnyvale's Finest here, the biggest assembly ever being this past Wednesday night with a fire truck, two ambulances and 4 police cars. All the disputes have been between men, and included a lot of shouting and pounding and cars screeching away.
Activity increased yesterday, with more cars, more guys hanging around, trailers attached to pickups, and a U-haul truck. And today, they're gone. The driveway is empty, and there are no pickups parked all down our street. We've never, ever seen an empty view from our own living-room window. It's been a very strange white trash outpost in the midst of an otherwise quiet family neighborhood.
I don't think the house sold though. The For Sale sign that had broken in half and was swinging in the wind is also gone now. What -- who is next?
6/3/2011
Thursday, June 02, 2011
6/2/2011 Critical Thinking
Maybe I'm too sensitive or skeptical, but receiving this sort of catalog actually offends me.
Better Grades & Higher Test Scores - Guaranteed!
More than 100 National Award Winners!
Empower the Mind!
Oh Freakin' PLEASE!!!
And I say this coming from a job and career that very highly value critical thinking. (Well, except for Mr. Horrible who has no idea what that means.)
In my line of work, as in many others, being able to separate the noise from the signal, the wheat from the chaff, is very important. I have two coworkers off whom I routinely bounce ideas -- who might have little knowledge of the specifics but who are able to isolate, analyze, evaluate; ask the right questions and guide me to the right answer. I have two other coworkers -- hired by Mr Horrible with no interview or vetting, hired only based on their loyalty and ability to kowtow and say YES -- who are sorely lacking in stepwise, methodical, logical reasoning.
By far the most able critical thinker I know is my dear husband, who never fails to strike me with his remarkable ability to think clearly and cut through a situation or discussion to its most valuable and relevant elements. This doesn't send your girlfriends into titters of "oooooh!" about your guy, but there's a solid reason I married him.
How do some get there and others not? I doubt it was from buying from catalogs like these.
As critical as I find critical thinking skills, I can't yet buy into the idea that they must be established in toddlerhood, or even childhood. I lean too far towards nature on the nature v. nurture argument. Some people are more inclined that way than others, and some just aren't -- thank goodness, because that's where out-of-the-box, creative, outrageous thinking and ideas come from. Some people are born with the inclination toward rational logical thinking, others are born with the inclination toward free random thinking; most of us fall somewhere inbetween. Each inclination greatly benefits from exposure and practice and experience in the other.
But selling "award-winning" "test prep" workbooks and toys oriented to paranoid parents who can't accept where their own kids fall on the art--science spectrum really irritates me. And that despite the fact that I tend to be a free-marketer: if you have a market for it and can sell it, go for it!
My life in a facts-ruled engineering department depends too heavily on critical thinking -- and the costs of its lacking -- for me to believe that this is important now, when my kids are still just kids. Maybe my thinking is rooted in the 1940s, or skewed by a firstborn who appears capable of little else besides critical thinking, but cripes, let kids be kids. Play, laugh, run, be silly, stare at the sky, cut a skein of yarn into 1000 tiny pieces as Katrina did tonight, be bored, draw random mazes, play for the hell of it and for no other reason. Not everything has to be "learning-oriented." I don't mean to be negligent in their education of course, but at this age (9-4), make it broad, make it cover the whole spectrum. The seriously critical thinkers and the seriously free thinkers will be so regardless.
Sell it if you can to the high-achieving set, but don't try to sell it to me.
6/2/2011
p.s. I may have to retract everything I just wrote after noticing that this otherwise offensive catalog contains a "Moral Dilemmas: What Would You Do?" set of books. I'll bet they've never dealt with a kid who's so literal that he needs active training in empathy.
Better Grades & Higher Test Scores - Guaranteed!
More than 100 National Award Winners!
Empower the Mind!
Oh Freakin' PLEASE!!!
And I say this coming from a job and career that very highly value critical thinking. (Well, except for Mr. Horrible who has no idea what that means.)
In my line of work, as in many others, being able to separate the noise from the signal, the wheat from the chaff, is very important. I have two coworkers off whom I routinely bounce ideas -- who might have little knowledge of the specifics but who are able to isolate, analyze, evaluate; ask the right questions and guide me to the right answer. I have two other coworkers -- hired by Mr Horrible with no interview or vetting, hired only based on their loyalty and ability to kowtow and say YES -- who are sorely lacking in stepwise, methodical, logical reasoning.
By far the most able critical thinker I know is my dear husband, who never fails to strike me with his remarkable ability to think clearly and cut through a situation or discussion to its most valuable and relevant elements. This doesn't send your girlfriends into titters of "oooooh!" about your guy, but there's a solid reason I married him.
How do some get there and others not? I doubt it was from buying from catalogs like these.
As critical as I find critical thinking skills, I can't yet buy into the idea that they must be established in toddlerhood, or even childhood. I lean too far towards nature on the nature v. nurture argument. Some people are more inclined that way than others, and some just aren't -- thank goodness, because that's where out-of-the-box, creative, outrageous thinking and ideas come from. Some people are born with the inclination toward rational logical thinking, others are born with the inclination toward free random thinking; most of us fall somewhere inbetween. Each inclination greatly benefits from exposure and practice and experience in the other.
But selling "award-winning" "test prep" workbooks and toys oriented to paranoid parents who can't accept where their own kids fall on the art--science spectrum really irritates me. And that despite the fact that I tend to be a free-marketer: if you have a market for it and can sell it, go for it!
My life in a facts-ruled engineering department depends too heavily on critical thinking -- and the costs of its lacking -- for me to believe that this is important now, when my kids are still just kids. Maybe my thinking is rooted in the 1940s, or skewed by a firstborn who appears capable of little else besides critical thinking, but cripes, let kids be kids. Play, laugh, run, be silly, stare at the sky, cut a skein of yarn into 1000 tiny pieces as Katrina did tonight, be bored, draw random mazes, play for the hell of it and for no other reason. Not everything has to be "learning-oriented." I don't mean to be negligent in their education of course, but at this age (9-4), make it broad, make it cover the whole spectrum. The seriously critical thinkers and the seriously free thinkers will be so regardless.
Sell it if you can to the high-achieving set, but don't try to sell it to me.
6/2/2011
p.s. I may have to retract everything I just wrote after noticing that this otherwise offensive catalog contains a "Moral Dilemmas: What Would You Do?" set of books. I'll bet they've never dealt with a kid who's so literal that he needs active training in empathy.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
6/1/2011 Coffee Night
Intensely stressful day, but mitigated with some sushi for dinner, relatively few kid problems (kicking Julian out to sit on the porch 4 times counts as relatively few around here) (oh yeah and Katrina had a rare meltdown but really that's in the noise), and some nice chatter with old friends. I'm REALLY psyched that one of those friends just got a new car -- she so needed and deserved it! All the kids she's always driving around will probably be grateful too. With my sister's family visiting soon, I've got to look into a minivan rental myself.
Some unwelcome excitement across the street tonight too: a loud domestic dispute (fight), lots of yelling, cars screeching around; then a firetruck, two ambulances and four police cars showed up. Usually our quiet block isn't a siren-magnet, but this one set of neighbors keeps 'em visiting every year or two. Their dump of a house is for sale; would someone PLEASE scrape up the $50K it'd take to demolish the place?
I'm very happy to put the last 24 hours behind me.
6/1/2011
Some unwelcome excitement across the street tonight too: a loud domestic dispute (fight), lots of yelling, cars screeching around; then a firetruck, two ambulances and four police cars showed up. Usually our quiet block isn't a siren-magnet, but this one set of neighbors keeps 'em visiting every year or two. Their dump of a house is for sale; would someone PLEASE scrape up the $50K it'd take to demolish the place?
I'm very happy to put the last 24 hours behind me.
6/1/2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
5/31/2011 Tough Love
I got a call from Dave today as I was driving from work to pick up the kids, and had to interrupt a precious call with my mother.
"Just to warn you," he said, "the boys are in SERIOUS trouble today."
When I arrived at the CDC, I talked at length with the CDC Director about (mostly) Gabriel's trangressions, trying to contain my increasing irritation and frustration. Gabriel had ignored a fire drill, threw rocks at another kid, and had threatened to take off and just walk home. Any one of those by themselves is a major transgression. Three together, and where do you even start?
Julian's offenses were more typical: disobeying and disrupting, but nothing as serious as throwing rocks at kids.
I keep hearing from other grownups about how they wouldn't have dared to defy their parents, because of the threat of The Belt. For the first time, I told Dave on the phone, "That's it, this time, Gabriel really needs it." This isn't the first time we've dealt with Gabriel disobeying during a fire drill, but it is the first time we've dealt with throwing rocks at other kids, and in the same day.
I didn't say anything to Gabriel on the way home, instead telling him in low, curt tones to put his lunch away, wash his hands, and meet me upstairs. Dave got home early to deal with this too, and we quickly formed a plan: while I talked to Gabriel in our room, Dave would put away every single toy he has. We agreed that my talk with Gabriel would include a demonstration.
Dave started emptying toys from Gabriel's shelves, while I confronted Gabriel in our room. I first asked him if what we'd heard was true, and he said yes, with concern but without fear. I have to hand it to him -- he knew he was in serious doo-doo, but he still didn't lie or try to duck out.
Then I stepped it up and told him sternly that throwing rocks at kids and disobeying during fire drills is absolutely, completely, totally NOT ALLOWED. With no opportunity for explanation or excuse, I went into my closet and emerged with a belt. I explained that this is what parents used to do all the time to disobedient kids. I smacked it across a bench and told him that it would hurt. I then told him I was going to show him how it felt, and instructed him to pull his pants down and lie down on the bed.
Gabriel's face clouded over with anger and upset over what he saw was going to happen. "OK MOM," he said defiantly, "I'LL SAY I'M SORRY." I didn't waver -- appear to waver -- and repeated my instructions. He lay down, I told him to move his hands protecting his rear end, then raised mine with the belt, and then smacked the end of the 1" leather across his bare rear end. He didn't react at first, then he leapt up suddenly and screamed at the top of his lungs.
It was an out-of-body experience for me. Did I really just take a leather belt to my son's bare bottom?? Am I that kind of parent? Or am I a regular parent who's been pushed too far? What will the alternative crowd say? What will the traditional crowd say? Has either ever actually been pushed this far?
In truth, the actual impact was pretty minor. The real impact was in the shock value, and with that, I think I succeeded. He was really shaken.
But I succeeded in reaching him even more after leaving him alone for a few moments, then returning to explain to him firmly that all his toys were being put away. He was horrified, but still calm from the overall shock if the situation.
I sat down next to him with genuine dejection. "I don't know what to do, Gabriel. I just can't teach you that you must do what you're told sometimes. Maybe a military boarding-school camp can help, because I just can't seem to do it."
I told him how much I hate to waste our precious time together talking about his bad behavior, instead of hanging together. I told him that there's nothing I love more than being with him and talking to him, but instead here I am talking about his throwing rocks at other kids. I told him that I'm responsible for him, and that sometimes means doing things I hate, like whacking him with a belt or being apart from him. I told him I'm responsible for his behavior and responsible for how the other kids' mother feels.
I sent him to his now-empty room, locked myself in a bathroom, and cried.
It occurred to me that everyone I know who's remembered The Belt as a child hasn't actually used it as a parent. Even those that did in the Olden Days did so because that was just what was done -- not because they were dealing with a truly difficult child.
Most modern parents couldn't dream of resorting to The Belt -- but if do you try to dream it, first dream of months of notes from his teachers, countless apologetic complaints from the after-school care director, numerous explosive conflicts at home, and then -- just by itself -- imagine hearing that your child threw rocks at another kid, and then dream how the other kids' mother must feel.
Gabriel stayed in his room crying and threatening to kill himself (threats I shrugged off but in fact did make me run up and check him frequently) while I made dinner. I guess his crying that his life was horrible and not worth living means we got through to him tonight. It certainly got through to me.
Dave and I also dealt with Julian, who'd also had his problems today but much more on ordinary lines. Julian took keen note of how Gabriel's toys (except books, which are shared here) were all gone, and appeared wide-eyed and concerned when we warned him that he was next.
I see no benefit to depriving a kid of food, so Gabriel joined us for dinner, where he sat sadly for most of it. He cried at one point: "What could be worse than not spending time with you (me) and losing Bear?" I talked to him calmly and persuaded him to eat, after which he relaxed. I told him that if his behavior was PERFECT tomorrow - at school and at CDC, then we'd talk about how to start getting his toys back. I told him how much I love being with him and how it sucked that he had to choose rock-throwing over me.
To my amazement, he agreed without the usual massive resistance to write a letter of apology to the CDC director, who's gone WAY WAY out of his way to accommodate our special cases. He got sadder at first at Katrina's talk of Truckee and skiing, then got happier when I told him November was plenty of time for him to get his act together.
I actually don't believe The Belt is the answer. It's a piece of the answer to deal with immediate severe problems -- a "timeout" just doesn't cut it anymore. Tonight's demonstration was designed to lend weight to future threats, without the intent of employing it on a regular basis.
Still, Gabriel seemed far more deeply affected when I told him how sad it made me that we couldn't hang together and talk. He tuned out about how bad that the other kid and the other kids' mother must feel, but there was no doubt his demeanor changed when I told him how disappointed and sad he'd made me.
Like his father and grandfather, he's not one to form relationships lightly or with many people. He'll have very close long loyal relationships with a few people. Family is built-in for long close relationships, and none moreso than your relationship with your mother. Gabriel's father didn't have a particularly close relationship with his mother, but times were such that people accepted those things back then and didn't examine them, but I'm determined that not be the case with us.
It's already not the case -- Gabriel and I are very very close, and every day we have wonderful moments together. I'm completely sincere when I tell him that I think about him all the time, and that I love him completely, through my bones and my blood, no matter how mad he makes me. It's completely true that he's been there for the happiest times in my life -- not just the exciting times like skiing or camping, but even just our one-on-one yaks together after dinner when Dave is getting the younger two ready for bed.
I know I'm the key. I can get through to this extraordinary child. He really really needs me. I just don't know what lock or set of locks to use the key in, or which way to turn the key and how hard. I can't seem to find the way to influence him before the crisis happens. This is Tough Love for me.
5/31/2011
"Just to warn you," he said, "the boys are in SERIOUS trouble today."
When I arrived at the CDC, I talked at length with the CDC Director about (mostly) Gabriel's trangressions, trying to contain my increasing irritation and frustration. Gabriel had ignored a fire drill, threw rocks at another kid, and had threatened to take off and just walk home. Any one of those by themselves is a major transgression. Three together, and where do you even start?
Julian's offenses were more typical: disobeying and disrupting, but nothing as serious as throwing rocks at kids.
I keep hearing from other grownups about how they wouldn't have dared to defy their parents, because of the threat of The Belt. For the first time, I told Dave on the phone, "That's it, this time, Gabriel really needs it." This isn't the first time we've dealt with Gabriel disobeying during a fire drill, but it is the first time we've dealt with throwing rocks at other kids, and in the same day.
I didn't say anything to Gabriel on the way home, instead telling him in low, curt tones to put his lunch away, wash his hands, and meet me upstairs. Dave got home early to deal with this too, and we quickly formed a plan: while I talked to Gabriel in our room, Dave would put away every single toy he has. We agreed that my talk with Gabriel would include a demonstration.
Dave started emptying toys from Gabriel's shelves, while I confronted Gabriel in our room. I first asked him if what we'd heard was true, and he said yes, with concern but without fear. I have to hand it to him -- he knew he was in serious doo-doo, but he still didn't lie or try to duck out.
Then I stepped it up and told him sternly that throwing rocks at kids and disobeying during fire drills is absolutely, completely, totally NOT ALLOWED. With no opportunity for explanation or excuse, I went into my closet and emerged with a belt. I explained that this is what parents used to do all the time to disobedient kids. I smacked it across a bench and told him that it would hurt. I then told him I was going to show him how it felt, and instructed him to pull his pants down and lie down on the bed.
Gabriel's face clouded over with anger and upset over what he saw was going to happen. "OK MOM," he said defiantly, "I'LL SAY I'M SORRY." I didn't waver -- appear to waver -- and repeated my instructions. He lay down, I told him to move his hands protecting his rear end, then raised mine with the belt, and then smacked the end of the 1" leather across his bare rear end. He didn't react at first, then he leapt up suddenly and screamed at the top of his lungs.
It was an out-of-body experience for me. Did I really just take a leather belt to my son's bare bottom?? Am I that kind of parent? Or am I a regular parent who's been pushed too far? What will the alternative crowd say? What will the traditional crowd say? Has either ever actually been pushed this far?
In truth, the actual impact was pretty minor. The real impact was in the shock value, and with that, I think I succeeded. He was really shaken.
But I succeeded in reaching him even more after leaving him alone for a few moments, then returning to explain to him firmly that all his toys were being put away. He was horrified, but still calm from the overall shock if the situation.
I sat down next to him with genuine dejection. "I don't know what to do, Gabriel. I just can't teach you that you must do what you're told sometimes. Maybe a military boarding-school camp can help, because I just can't seem to do it."
I told him how much I hate to waste our precious time together talking about his bad behavior, instead of hanging together. I told him that there's nothing I love more than being with him and talking to him, but instead here I am talking about his throwing rocks at other kids. I told him that I'm responsible for him, and that sometimes means doing things I hate, like whacking him with a belt or being apart from him. I told him I'm responsible for his behavior and responsible for how the other kids' mother feels.
I sent him to his now-empty room, locked myself in a bathroom, and cried.
It occurred to me that everyone I know who's remembered The Belt as a child hasn't actually used it as a parent. Even those that did in the Olden Days did so because that was just what was done -- not because they were dealing with a truly difficult child.
Most modern parents couldn't dream of resorting to The Belt -- but if do you try to dream it, first dream of months of notes from his teachers, countless apologetic complaints from the after-school care director, numerous explosive conflicts at home, and then -- just by itself -- imagine hearing that your child threw rocks at another kid, and then dream how the other kids' mother must feel.
Gabriel stayed in his room crying and threatening to kill himself (threats I shrugged off but in fact did make me run up and check him frequently) while I made dinner. I guess his crying that his life was horrible and not worth living means we got through to him tonight. It certainly got through to me.
Dave and I also dealt with Julian, who'd also had his problems today but much more on ordinary lines. Julian took keen note of how Gabriel's toys (except books, which are shared here) were all gone, and appeared wide-eyed and concerned when we warned him that he was next.
I see no benefit to depriving a kid of food, so Gabriel joined us for dinner, where he sat sadly for most of it. He cried at one point: "What could be worse than not spending time with you (me) and losing Bear?" I talked to him calmly and persuaded him to eat, after which he relaxed. I told him that if his behavior was PERFECT tomorrow - at school and at CDC, then we'd talk about how to start getting his toys back. I told him how much I love being with him and how it sucked that he had to choose rock-throwing over me.
To my amazement, he agreed without the usual massive resistance to write a letter of apology to the CDC director, who's gone WAY WAY out of his way to accommodate our special cases. He got sadder at first at Katrina's talk of Truckee and skiing, then got happier when I told him November was plenty of time for him to get his act together.
I actually don't believe The Belt is the answer. It's a piece of the answer to deal with immediate severe problems -- a "timeout" just doesn't cut it anymore. Tonight's demonstration was designed to lend weight to future threats, without the intent of employing it on a regular basis.
Still, Gabriel seemed far more deeply affected when I told him how sad it made me that we couldn't hang together and talk. He tuned out about how bad that the other kid and the other kids' mother must feel, but there was no doubt his demeanor changed when I told him how disappointed and sad he'd made me.
Like his father and grandfather, he's not one to form relationships lightly or with many people. He'll have very close long loyal relationships with a few people. Family is built-in for long close relationships, and none moreso than your relationship with your mother. Gabriel's father didn't have a particularly close relationship with his mother, but times were such that people accepted those things back then and didn't examine them, but I'm determined that not be the case with us.
It's already not the case -- Gabriel and I are very very close, and every day we have wonderful moments together. I'm completely sincere when I tell him that I think about him all the time, and that I love him completely, through my bones and my blood, no matter how mad he makes me. It's completely true that he's been there for the happiest times in my life -- not just the exciting times like skiing or camping, but even just our one-on-one yaks together after dinner when Dave is getting the younger two ready for bed.
I know I'm the key. I can get through to this extraordinary child. He really really needs me. I just don't know what lock or set of locks to use the key in, or which way to turn the key and how hard. I can't seem to find the way to influence him before the crisis happens. This is Tough Love for me.
5/31/2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)