11/9/11 The training

I have so much more to say than what I'm about to write, but it's all I have the energy for right now.

This has been a weird week for me, since I've been attending a special training class at a company's headquarters conveniently located in Sunnyvale. Well, not SO convenient, since it's on the other side of Sunnyvale and is actually a with-traffic longer commute for me, but more convenient than some of my classmates. One flew from Tucson, and two others from Korea (!) to attend this class.

Sure would be nice if I weren't sick though. Sunday I was really not feeling well, then Sunday night, a temperature -- which I've pretty much had every morning and evening since. This evening is the first one since then that my temp reads normal and I don't feel chills and achy. If this holds, it means tomorrow will be my first morning at training class without fighting those chills and achiness too.

(Believe it or not, exercising has helped -- this class happens to be about 5 minutes away from the old gym I've belonged to since 1992, and I've been sneaking out at lunchtimes for a quick workout, which definitely helps!!)

Oh, OK, I'll quickly get this out: yesterday morning we met with Katrina's teacher for the first kindergarten conference. There's not much to say; Katrina's doing great. Her teacher says she's really quiet, and while slow with her work, she does finish. The only thing the teacher hoped to improve on is her social interaction, but she's not worried about it, and we're not either. Katrina just isn't a social butterfly type; she tends to be very independent and prefers smaller groups -- no surprise.

Her teacher did say also that the first time she tried to evaluate Katrina's reading, Katrina wouldn't answer basic questions, like the alphabet and sounds, so the teacher put aside the eval for a while and tried again later. The teacher saw that Katrina was reading fine, so tested her again, and this time Katrina was more cooperative and the teacher was able to evaluate that she's reading just fine.

The only other thing of note: I asked the teacher about Katrina's being on the young side, and the teacher said she can usually immediately identify the 4-year-olds who start kindergarten just by their behavior. Of course the teacher knows their birthdays, but she said that Katrina didn't exhibit that classic "oh yeah, that's a 4-year-old" behavior at all. That's a relief, because at home, she's still quite capable of throwing such an obnoxious tantrum that it brings the whole family down!

I really should be in bed by now, watching TV. Off I go!

11/9/11

11/7/11 Grumble!

Not again!

Katrina woke up throwing up at about 1:30am. Dave and I got up and cleaned her up (this was a "needs bath" event), changed her bedding, and took her temperature (none).

While the thermometer was out, I used it on myself too. I'd had a tough day myself, with a terrible terrible headache and feeling out of sorts, but also feeling compelled to get some work done so I could go to a training class today. Turns out, I had a 101.4 fever myself.

Perfect, I could stay home with Katrina anyway, right? No....I really wanted to go to this training! So I pretended it would go away, and I went to the training class. I knew I had a fever in the morning, but by afternoon it was mostly gone. Now I'm mostly tired and still find myself bending at the knees instead of bending down (to avoid any head rush because of the headache), but the worst is over.

If only poison oak healed so fast. It's incredible, my exposure to poison oak was so slight -- I'm not even exactly sure how or when it could have happened, but the consequences are brutal. The affected areas on my knees appear small, but the itch/pain are really deep and have lasted over a week now. This is the 3rd or 4th time I've gotten poison oak, and I didn't even get it that badly, but all events are memorable. It's awful.

The proper treatment for vomiting is fasting, but Katrina didn't agree with this. Dave says she complained all day about being hungry, but you're not supposed to give a vomiting kid anything to eat at all for 24 hours. By dinnertime, we agreed to give her a little toast, which she gobbled gratefully, then she ate some dinner too. There's only so much you can hold a kid back. I just hope her tummy can hold back!

11/7/11

11/6/11 Little sick, no teeth

Friday morning, Katrina woke up throwng up, so no school for her. Dave and I divided sick-girl duty, so I was on with her for the afternoon. She was fine most of the time, a little lethargic, a little bored. Then I found her like this:

And she was out for a few hours. When she woke up, she said one of my new favorite interesting Katrina-sayings: I asked her, "How did you wake up this morning?" (meaning, did the throwing up wake you up, or were you already awake). She looked at me with that super-sincere direct look and deadpanned, "You know that thing, the THING that keeps you sleeping? ..... It stopped working!!"

But she did have a real temperature now, so she took it easy this weekend. Julian took her under his wing and read Pete Seeger stories to her for a while.

Gabriel is an official LatchKey Kid now -- we're not paying for CDC care for afternoons for him, so he must walk home. It rained a little this week, his first test, but not enough to be a real test.

Today during lunch, Julian was making his usual noisy open-mouth half-spitting-out disgusting chews, and then whaddya know, a tooth emerges from his mouth. "All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth!" -- and in his case, birthday too!

For me, this has been one heck of a weekend. I might be taking an all-day all-week training class next week, on unexpected notice, so I feel I must meet the commitments I'd made to work. I tried really hard to complete them over the weekend, but it was just too much.

On top of it, today was one of the worst physical-health days I've had in a long time -- mostly an unusually severe headache that is easily triggered by physical pressure. Bending down, raising my voice, running up stairs, coughing and even a hiccup sends jabs of pain through my head. Add to that some new physical ills from running: I took a nasty fall on Saturday and have bruises and bumps and scrapes on both knees, elbows and random pieces of fingers. But what I thought were flea bites on my legs I now think was another Rancho-related casualty: POISON OAK. I must have stepped off the trail to get something and brushed up just enough to poison small spots on my knees. Small, but awful.

So I'm a mess today, and feeling apologetic that I haven't been answering or initiating email as I should, but I've been feeling intense pressure to get work done that isn't fully doable (the famous "moving target") and just not sure how cool or uncool it is to take off for a week with almost no notice.

I guess if I had to pick one thing though, it would be the headache. This one is really severe, and I haven't had really severe headaches for a while, and even when I did, this counts among the most severe because it's so vulnerable.

At least I got the boys haircuts today, mostly against their will. But they look so handsome and dapper now!

11/6/11

11/3/11 The card on the door

Yesterday when I got home from work, I found a business card tucked into the front door, with a written note scrawled on the back: "Please call." The card was from a social worker with the Dept. of Family and Children's Services from the county. Child Protective Services, effectively.

I left a voice message and emailed the guy right away, and he emailed back the next day. "Unfortunately," he reported, "there was a report of possible physical abuse for your son Julian." I called him and we agreed to meet at our house tonight at 6pm -- he needed to meet the kids.

Oh my goodness. It's happened. Someone busted us. We're horrible horrendous awful parents. So many things go through your mind: who reported us? What are they referring to? Is this true? Is there any chance they'll take the kids away?

I fast-forwarded right to the most horrible incidents. The report happened in the week that Julian was sent to the principal's office twice, a truly bad week when he was horrendously defiant and obnoxious when we tried to talk sternly with him about it. This might have been the week that he got The Belt, and I could hear him screaming from way down the block -- a rare event, but it did happen. Of course, he screams even louder when Halloween candy is confiscated, and he has a very strong voice -- for all I know, a neighbor turned us in when some much more innocent form of discipline was applied.

But the neighbor theory has some problems. The social worker's email specifically said "Julian" -- something a concerned neighbor overhearing piercing shrieks next door wouldn't necessarily be able to discern. Also, to hear the horrible screaming, which isn't at all often, you'd have to be outside or have your windows open, which none of our neighbors would have at that time. The time I heard it, I happened to go outside for a walk to avoid hearing it indoors, and it was loud, but it was an infrequent thing and you'd have to be outside listening.

And does screaming really mean physical abuse? Most of our neighbors have raised kids themselves and are very understanding. And our neighbors were also very gracious and kind and welcoming during Trick-or-Treating -- I didn't get any radar that anyone disapproved of us.

Further, the social worker's initial visit was during the day when none of us were home -- neighbors tend to know when the incidents occur, and see our cars in the driveway. That is, a neighbor is likely to mention the timing and that we're at work during the day.

So we were increasingly suspicious that the report was actually not made by a neighbor.

We met with the social worker at home tonight. He isn't allowed to tell us who reported us, but he did mention "mandated reporting," such as schools or other childcare providers who are required to make a report based on certain information. The report was of "excessive spanking" -- again something that a neighbor who overhears screaming isn't likely to conclude. And "spank" is a word we use and that Julian knows. There are lots and lots of words that people use for corporal punishment -- "spank" is a common one indeed, but I didn't hear "beat" or "hit" or "whack" -- I heard what we say and what Julian knows: "spank."

Anyone who interacts with Julian on a regular basis knows that frankly, he often deserves it. Anyone who interacts with us on a regular basis, like his teacher and CDC workers, knows that we usually look for ways around it, but are grateful and relieved (!) that we're supportive and willing to back up discipline with that level of action. Anyone who knows Julian and us understands that if we do spank him, it's part of an overall picture of dealing with his troublemaking -- not a reflex, not undeserved, and not a habit, even if he thinks so.

The more we thought about it, the more it sounded like someone who doesn't know Julian, or us, well heard him complain about spanking. Like at school. Lord knows he's had enough opportunity with all his visits to the principal's office.

So, ironically, we had a positive and productive meeting with the social worker. We frankly told him that we do spank Julian sometimes when things escalate, but it's never the first step and we do all the other "right" things first. We pointed out that we've never spanked Katrina -- never needed to.

He met the boys, talked to them for a few minutes, and they came off as happy, healthy, thriving little boys. As we talked, he seemed increasingly impressed by the way we're raising them, including things we don't even notice -- such as the fact that there's no TV blaring on in the background. He was very impressed that our kids have such limited screen time, that they have chores, do their laundry, have early bedtimes, entertain themselves reading and trying to break the laws of physics in Gabriel's case, and overall do very well in school.

Perhaps the biggest supporter of our case was Katrina. The whole time we were sitting in the living room talking, Katrina was quietly working on her homework in the dining room, completely independent and focused. When the social worker asked how it is we managed to raise our kids without screens all around them, adding that in his work that's very unusual, we just pointed to her.

Later during our conversation, we noticed Katrina on the floor with a dustpan and dustbrush, sweeping up pencil shavings that had fallen on the floor. We laughed and said that usually she doesn't clean up after herself, but all the kids do know where the dustpan is, and are told to clean up a mess they make. Our funny odd little sprite of a daughter really underscored our case for being a non-abusive family. Even if we were good actors, you can't fake the behavior of a 5-year-old.

In the end, the social worker said not only were the accusations unfounded, but complimented us on what a great job we're doing raising them. What a rare source of encouragement and validation, especially during a low point of parenting-- being reported to the County Department of Family and Child Services is pretty low.

Despite all the real possibilities, I'm pretty sure what happened is that Julian said something to someone, probably at school, who felt it had to be reported. Julian says stuff all the time that I'm amazed people believe, and the social worker completely agreed. Just last week, Julian's teacher commented that Julian was tired because he'd slept on the floor the night before -- but not only hadn't he slept on the floor, I'd specifically instructed him that he couldn't, and I'd had to drag him out of bed -- bed -- that morning! I've had to clarify other similar things, like, no, he didn't stay up late watching a movie, or, no, he wasn't woken up early by his brother. Kids say stuff all the time that's not true.

Now, it is true that we've spanked Julian, and yes, we've even used a very harsh resort of The Belt on him before, but does this constitute physical abuse? If a darling child with big wide gray eyes says "My Mom spanks me too much!" and you don't know him, it could sure seem like that. And I suspect it was just someone like that, at the school, perhaps a well-meaning trusting parent or administrator, who reported us based on Julian's word. Don't these people know kids?!

OK -- so this counts for a new low in parenting, but with an unexpected pat on the back too. And now I'm well-armed when people suggest we're not being tough enough on our immature entitled little complainer.

While we were talking with the social worker, Katrina was doing her week's worth of homework, including some optional items on her own. The boys never had trouble with kindergarten homework either, but they never did the optional parts, and certainly not an essay!

I like my home for three reasons. It is fine. I have neihbers. It has a fine neihberhood! It has stuff like a bike. That's it!

Yeah. That's it.

11/3/11

11/1/11 Tech Shop

Today I got to visit a most interesting place: The TechShop in San Jose. It's a new business, subscription-based, that gives crafty-techy types all sorts of resources and tools to let their imaginations go wild. It has a fully-stocked woodshop, metal shop, electronics lab, industrial sewing area with a full-size quilting machine, 3-D scanners, autocad machines, laser-cutters and some enormous water-cutter that can turn a piece of glass into a gear. Clients include people who are building robots, fabricating parts to restore cars, enscripting detailed plates with intricate details on any sort of material...it's really really impressive. Since they are a new business, they've enlisted my new employer's help for their in-store network and wireless access, including their cool little card-readers by each tool that let each client turn on the machine and verify that they're trained on it.

Anyway, today we had a meeting there, which I tagged along with, and was awed by the array of tools and things there, as well as how very competent and thorough my main new coworker is. I was hired to help relieve her load, but I'm suffering a serious crisis of confidence -- she's just so so much more experienced and capable than I am -- how soon will they find me out?! On the other hand, I have to remind myself that I wasn't hired for what I know, but what I can learn, so I'm trying to do that. Still, I'm keenly aware of how lost I'd be without my coworker and how much I have to learn. The good news is, I'm really happy to be learning it, including things I never expected I'd be interested in, primarily wireless networks.

And I get to go see cool places like The Tech Shop! (Unfortunately for us, but wise for them, their minimum age for membership and using their tools is age 12.)

And bonus: I sure am having fun chatting with Gabriel about RF (radio frequency) and channels and stuff though. It's mostly a terminology toss-around, since neither of us know much about it, though he's a lot better at throwing buzzwords around with confidence than I am! I sure hope I take after my mother more than my father when it comes to intellectual longevity...she could talk about this stuff with him now, and I'm barely sure I can at all.

OK, back to work!!

11/1/11 (cool date!)

10/31/11 Halloween school night

Nothing like having Halloween coincide with a Staff Learning Day, so kids had no school. This left time for the more important things in life! Like carving jack-o-lanterns with Aunt Laura and Uncle Ryan.

And putting up house decorations (complete with a moon in the background!).

And, of course, trick-or-treating around the neighborhood.

Laura and Ryan go home tomorrow, and it's always too soon!

10/31/11

10/30/11 In-law visit!

How did this happen, I'm behind for days now!

Friday I attended Katrina's and Julian's Halloween parades (the 4th-graders don't parade).

Saturday Laura and Ryan arrived! The kids are thrilled, they had a lot of game-playing and of course we had a huge dinner.

Today, Sunday, lots of lazing around. Dave and Laura and Ryan took the kids to Benihana's, and I went to a wedding-reception-dinner for a former coworker.

Tomorrow I'm the only one with a normal day -- Laura and Ryan and Dave will be home with the kids -- even though it is Halloween!

10/30/2011

10/27/11 Learning

So, I'm almost done with the 4th week at my new job --enough to feel like I should know what I'm doing, but not enough to know what I'm doing!! Fortunately my new boss is a terrific guy who starts off our meetings with, "So, are you getting all the training you're needing?" (instead of, like my last boss, "...I hired you.....you remember that, right? I HIRED you.... (implying that I must therefore be loyal...))

Anyway, I've been taking online training classes in wireless networks, to which my surprise, I'm finding really interesting. I don't know the first thing about RF and have no physics background to speak of, but I'm liking this. And incredibly, I'm expected to learn it -- really?? I'm flabbergasted. How on earth did I hit -- let alone deserve (especially given my far worthier colleagues?/?) this jackpot???

Tonight I attempted to lament to my family about how out-of-my-element I am. 'I just realized," I said, "I don't even know what a 'frequency' really is!" I said. Gabriel piped up, "It's a number of pulses per cycle in a second." Then he added, "For instance, one giga-hertz means one billion cycles per second." OMG. I know what a "giga" is, I thought, but couldn't do the math while I was cutting up steak to question him.

Another thing, I announced, I didn't realize I didn't understand, what really is an antenna? Is just one antenna for send and another for receive? Gabriel answered easliy, "An antenna converts electrical energy into electro-magnetic radiation -- sort of like a form of light." UHHHH, OK, that's SO not what I meant, but OK!!!

I know there's a point in a parent's life when you realize your kid is smarter than you (though my own mother has never experienced this), but is it supposed to happen when they're 9? Wasn't I supposed to have just a few more years?

This is a GREAT thing, by the way -- I'm really surprised by how interesting I find wireless networks and all the radio-frequency-spectrum stuff around it (for which I have NO physics background or aptitude, heaven help me) -- but I wasn't ready for my 9yo to rattle off to me the technical definition of an antenna. I must face reality (and a good one) not only is he faster and stronger than I am (almost), but smarter. Or at least, more knowledgeable.

World, take hope. And brace yourself! Here they come!!

10/27/11

10/25/11 Science day

Today's headline in the San Jose Mercury News: Schools Flunk Science

With a photo of some 4th-graders dissecting owl pellets.

Gabriel came home with a "special project" from his teacher -- a windmill that would power a small motor. It's for something Gabriel's teacher wants to demonstrate, so he asked Gabriel to take it home and assemble it for him. Gabriel took this very seriously and was VERY proud of it!

Funny that, according to that article, all across the state, schools are pushing out science, but our 4th grade is getting the best dose of it I could imagine. Gabriel's teacher really loves science and nature, so his enthusiasm and energy shows, especially in Gabriel's reaction to it. After all, Gabriel happily went home and immediately tackled an extra project the teacher had given him! It's a shame that some schools can't focus on science, but it's not even clear ours can either. In the end, the quality of teaching matters the most, and that's why Gabriel's getting such a good dose of science, because of his teacher.

Gabriel also spent a lot of time making an electromagnetic with his electronics lab kit and some paper clips. His having a quiet hour and a half at home after school, plus a good refreshing half-hour walk outdoor to get there, is SO good for him!

10/25/11

10/24/2011 The Poet

Look what came in the mail yesterday! A book of poetry. I'd forgotten about this, but Gabriel's 3rd-grade teacher submitted one of his poems (I'm sure that he had to write, under duress), for publication. If I recall, it was a selective process, and his was picked.

Gabriel's is in the lower right.

I don't know if this is brilliant poetry or not, but I take it as a personal accomplishment that he mentions both skiing and camping! Yay!

10/24/2011

10/22/11 Pumpkin Patch!

Halloween iks big business these days! I haven't taken the kids on any outings lately, so I figured today I'd take them to a "pumpkin patch" (really more like a farm-based entertainment center) about 40 minutes away.

The boys' top priority was the "Pumpkin Blaster" activity, which I thought meant that they would shoot at pumpkins. Instead, they shot mini-pumpkins at target with a pretty high-powered large heavy gun! Katrina didn't approve of the sound, so I used her ticket attempting to hit things too (I missed).

Top priority for Katrina: pony ride! Gabriel is now too cool for ponies, but Julian isn't.

High priority for everyone: train ride. I'd bought a park pass for all 3 kids, foolishly forgetting myself, so I had to pass on the train ride. Instead, Gabriel made sure Katrina was strapped in and accounted for.

We also did two separate "hayrides," which mostly went to the same places -- roads carved out in a cornfield -- but one was shorter. Hayrides are popular and we had lots of time for silly pictures while waiting on lines.

Finally, the "hayride." For one, we sat on a bench; for the other, we did sit on bales of hay.

We went by a genuine pumpkin-growing field, and showed us some so-called "Cinderella" pumpkins, the variety which are said to have been the inspiration for the carriage in the Cinderella fairy tail.

Both hayrides featured a beautiful marigold-field.

After our tickets for rides ran out (I hid my relief), we went to the actual pumpkin patch part of this pumpkin patch, and each kid picked out a pumpkin for carving.

They all had a great time -- and despite my serious aversion to crowds, lines, traffic and campy kids' activities, I had a great time too!

10/22/11

10/21/11 Dinner Out

I was burnt and in no mood to cook, or eat, tonight -- so Dave took the kids out to eat! I actually had an hour at home alone. I didn't know what to do with myself and pretty much squandered it, but I guess that has to happen sometimes.

I had a good, but demanding day at work -- I guess I'm past the honeymoon period and am being asked to do "real" work, but I still have very little idea how to do things and am not entirely set up yet. As an experienced professional, though, there are no excuses. Earlier in my career I'd have said "I don't have an account with Cisco and so don't have access to their configurator" but at this stage in my career I have to say "OK I'll get that configuration for you!" -- (somehow!!). So it's a big scramble. I've done this before though, and I know it'll be a few months before I'm really ramped up and there's a certain amount of stumbling around and mistake-making that just has to happen. It excites me while wiping me out at the same time.

I went to the school fund-raiser "Fall Festival" this afternoon, where Julian and Katrina were with the CDC at their face-painting booth. I signed them out and then took them around to a few booths, and entered silent auctions for the boys' classooms. There I met a mom who volunteers in Julian's classroom, and I had an experience I've had many times but never failed to be surprised by: the volunteering mom gushes over what a sweet boy I have. "Really?" I always ask, "he's a constant discipline problem!" This applies to both boys. Maybe it's courtesy, many consolation, but the volunteer-mom always tells me how bright the boy is and that they really enjoy working with him. This mom today went on at length at what a strong reader Julian is (and he always has been) and she seemed to genuinely like him.

Thinking about it, I wonder if the reason I get such glowing reports about the boys from other moms is because the moms see them in smaller, more personal situations and the boys respond well to that. See, I'm always able to find a working-mom-guilt angle. I looked around at the busy festival, and saw how many parents were manning booths and tables and helping out. Would I be part of that community if I weren't working -- or am I working partly because that just wouldn't be enough for me? Will I regret that someday? Funny, I'm not sure I'd regret missing out on more of the babyhood. My regrets, or fear of them, increase as they get older. Even now, I feel more stabs about missing out on Gabriel's 9-year-old-ness than Katrina's 5-year-old-ness.

Well, I guess this is academic, because I'm going to be working for quite a while, and that's overwhelmingly a good thing, guilt notwithstanding.

10/21/11

10/20/11 3's a charm?

That subject can apply to lots of things, but most certainly not our children. There's always ONE who wins the "biggest Pain In the Rear" award for the day. Lately that's been going to Julian (TWICE to the principal's office this week -- so far!), but tonight, Katrina definitely wins. Massive fusses and screeching tantrums because....well, I don't know why exactly, something crossed her.

But no, 3's a charm this time because I knew it'd take 3 weeks to get over the shock of a new job. Tomorrow rounds out my 3rd week, and I'm not really over the shock yet, but I think I might have been slightly useful today instead of just a total leech. First, I embarrassed myself by asking a dumb question in front of LOTS of people who knew better, but kicked off a good discussion. Then, I embarrassed myself again by attempting to answer a question in email that involved actually knowing something that I don't at all ("we need XYZ, what equipment does that"), but inserting my usual extras ("there's none that does exactly XYZ, but here are a few alternatives, and make sure you have ABC types of cables too.") Compared to my previous professional life in which my uselessness was deliberate on my horrible management's part, this is a huge step forward.

My mother would probably say she doesn't remember if I had shrieking call-the-cops-now sorts of tantrums when I was 5 as Katrina has, but if I did, maybe there's hope for her yet.

10/20/11

10/19/11 Shoe blowout

Today is Dave's birthday and somehow I got no photos in all the hullaballoo of making a nice dinner, gifts, video-phone-calls (Facetime!!), and of course, CAKE.

In case anyone thinks I'm too soft a parent, Julian was not able to have birthday cake because of his visit to the principal's office on Monday -- no dessert for a week, and sorry, no pass for Dad's birthday. I've warned him that Halloween is coming up, this is no time to mess around. So what happens? He gets sent to The Office again today. That extends his dessert detention (and various others) for another week.

I did get a few photos yesterday though. Since Gabriel has been walking home from school, he's been (mostly) keeping up with his homework and has time to do other things when we all get home. Yesterday he wanted to -- wanted to! help with dinner.

So I talked him through making macaroni-n-cheese (he's getting much better at that, almost on his own), and then cutting up broccoli. Amusing, Julian is quite a bit better at this given his experience. But he did fine and was proud when I trusted him with a real knife (only because Julian was well out of reach).

Just before bed, for some reason I noticed Gabriel's shoes. Oh brother. Shredded again! I got caught unawares. I really do try to replace their shoes before they get to this point, but sometimes I just miss it, or it happens too quickly.

We had a great laugh throwing them away, then pulling out the next new pair.

Until this morning, when it was time to get in the car and we discovered that the brand-new pair I'd given him was too small. Fortunately I had another pair, a half-size larger, waiting, but if not, we'd have been in trouble.

Now I have no shoe buffer for Gabriel, so I have barely a few weeks to build up a stash of shoes again. Going to the shoe store every time they need shoes is unthinkable -- I'd be going to the mall every month for one or the other boy, and occasionally, the girl. Since I'm apparently so poor at pre-emption, I really need a closetful of new shoes ready and waiting. Thank you zappos! Please all, make sure I rob Zappos of 8 pairs of boys' shoes before November or I'm certain to get into trouble again!

10/19/11

10/18/11 Aaron

I haven't posted about this because it's been new, but of course it's ongoing too.

One of my oldest, dearest friends, Andrea, has a son Aaron who is a year older than Katrina. Andrea and I were pals in high school from the gymnastics team, and went to the same college too (in fact I probably went to U of R because of her), and we've stayed close for over 30 years. She married young (I was her Maid of Honor), had two girls young, divorced, remarried, and had another baby when she was just shy of age 43. Naturally, she was the first person I called when I realized I too would be a super-geriatric Mom! In addition to being one of my closest friends she also has numerous degrees in psychology and is just really understanding and funny and a really great person to talk to.

In 2009, Andrea and her teenage daughter and then-4yo-son Aaron visited us. Katrina made friends with Aaron easily and talked about him for weeks after they left. They really hit it off -- and not because of my grumpy semi-social daughter, but because Aaron was a really nice, easygoing kid. The boys don't remember him, but they played a lot with him too.

July 2009

Anyway, NO, not the worst thing possible that could happen to a child has happened, but the second-worst thing possible -- Aaron has leukemia.

Fortunately his cancer is a treatable kind with a high cure rate, but still, for Christ's sake, it's leukemia. He's only 5 years old, and will be 6 in November. I read daily updates from Andrea (she lives in New Jersey) or her sister, and so far the news is good. But still, God help us, it's still leukemia.

I think the only time I've felt this bad or frightened was when my dear sister-in-law had a stroke. Nothing is more serious than a loved one being gravely ill, and perhaps the younger the person, the less fair it seems. (My Dad's Alzheimer's was different...much slower, without the same shock factor...no less unfair or painful of course but of a different sort. Alzheimer's, for all its injustice, isn't a crisis.)

So while I bop through my day apparently cheerful, my dear friend's son's major health challenge weighs heavily on m and my helplessness grinds a hole in my conscience. Friends geographically closer are giving blood to help the hospital. (Actually, I can't even do that locally to help symbolically because my chronic G.I. trouble has kept my weight below eligible levels for blood donation, or I would. Blood donation seems to be the top request from doctors.)

If there's a bright spot anywhere, it's that few moms are as tough or determined or as willing to be an advocate -- and experienced at navigating the medical system -- as my friend Andrea. If you want anyone by your side as you're fighting a serious illness, it's her. Thank heavens for Aaron that he has her.

10/18/2011

10/17/2011 The Notes

Julian got sent to the principal's office AGAIN today! Here's the note the principal sent us:

Mr. and Mrs. Doudna, Julian was sent to the office this morning because of a discipline problem. A student reported to his teacher that he had hit her in the face. I spoke with both students individually and it turns out that Julian was poking at her and poked the folder that the student was reading, causing it to hit her face. I reminded Julian of our rule to keep hands and feet to himself. To help him remember this, I had Julian sit in the office for recess and lunch today.

GOOD GRIEF! Does it never end?

We had an unusually calm discussion with him, in which he was informed of all the consequences. He ended with wanting to talk to me in private, which I told him would have to wait until tomorrow because he hinted it was about "the family."

Later we found these notes, one on our bedroom door and one on the floor.

Mostly it seems he wants to complain about Gabriel. I guess I'm supposed to listen!

10/17/2011

10/16/2011 "Bug Frame"

Not quite sure why this is called a "bug frame," but Katrina spent the better part of the afternoon drawing, cutting out, and taping together bugs.

This is a butterfly, bumblebee, ant, ladybug, grasshopper and spider. She was so proud of it that she actually let me take that picture. Partly because she was wearing this adorable Flamenco outfit that was red and black, so sort of lady-bug-ish.

I did something unprecedented today: I didn't get hopelessly behind on Halloween costumes. I took all 3 to a store today and bought them (well, Katrina already had hers but she needed black tights). The boys tried them on, they're happy with them, and overall the whole experience was less painful -- shorter and I daresay cheaper -- than the usual online shopping/bidding angst. Let's hear it for bricks and mortar!

Speaking of bugs, Katrina is going to be a ladybug again. I don't think she'll remember from when she was barely 13 months old.

(October 2007)

10/16/2011

10/13/11 Barf!!

What timing...poor Katrina, tonight at dinner complaining that her tummy hurt. Sometimes she's a little dramatic, but my instinct generally is that she's not blessed with the acting gene. Tonight it seemed sincere. About 20 minutes later, it really was -- right into the toilet, poor thing.

Dave's leaving for the weekend tomorrow late morning, which means I get to stay home with a sick child in the afternoon of my 2nd week of a new job!! I think everyone will be quite understanding, especially since I'm not particularly important at work yet. At work, I'm still in shock, feeling a little like I'm in the midst of "The Truman Show," like it's all too good and perfect and squeaky-clean to be true. I keep hearing it's going to hit hard soon, and I believe it. Meantime, this week has flown by, even while last week seemed to take a full year.

Though I had grand plans to work on staking my claim tomorrow and trying to actually contribute at work, looks like I get to spend the afternoon at home with my tummy-aching little girl, who will likely be quite well and spend the whole day working on one of her little craft or writing projects, while I plow through some online classes. Then her brother will come home around 2pm (they're getting out early this week for conferences) -- Gabriel walking home after school is overall working out very well this week. This is all good!

10/13/11

10/11/2011 Teacher Time

Friday was teacher conferences. Urgh.

First, Gabriel's teacher. This time, Gabriel joined us. The teacher did most of the talking, and clearly wasn't concerned about Gabriel's ability, but did talk a lot about his transitions and planning. Indeed, Gabriel is often cramming his work into the last few minutes. Just like me -- works better under pressure.

Friday in particular was strange because the night before, I discovered that Gabriel was way, way, way behind on his week's homework, and had a report due that he'd had for 2 weeks. Thursday night was a serious struggle, with Gabriel gridlocked and refusing to do anything because he could see he couldn't get it all done and was overwhelmed. Clearly we need to keep closer tabs on his work during the week.

Julian's conference was quite different. We spent maybe 3 minutes on how he's doing in school -- not much to say about that, it's clear he's completely capable. Most of the conversation was about his behavior and keeping him focused and not disrupting the class. Ironically, since Friday, Julian has kicked into "angel" mode and he's been pretty good!

But Sunday was horrendous. Gabriel had to catch up on all that work he was behind on, and I'd let him go to Katrina's party on Saturday with the promise he'd catch up Sunday. So after breakfast and some reading, at 10am I told him to go into his room and get to work. All he did was procrastinate and complain and delay. It was a day of constant conflict. I'd written a list of the work he had to do, which at one point he tore up into tiny pieces and I had to insist he pick up all the pieces. By 6pm he hadn't done any work at all, and I'd taken away just about everything he had in the room. Finally, he overheard that Julian and Katrina were going to watch a movie if they got all the rooms picked up, and he kicked into gear. It took an hour and a half, but he pulled it off.

During this colossal struggle, I was upstairs all day myself, finishing up my closet project. I'm thrilled that I got rid of a lot of clothes! Can't tell from the photo, but these bags filled the back of my car.

Tonight I insisted Gabriel do some work on his weekly work due Friday, another major struggle. But I'm too traumatized from last Thursday night's struggle, Friday's teacher conference and Sunday's all-day-long conflict to let that go. I won, he wrote the 5 definitions I insisted on.

Dave was out to dinner tonight, I got everyone's homework done and everyone to bed, in my second week of a new job, and got all outstanding laundry done. Seems I work better under pressure too!

10/11/11

10/9/2011 Jumpy party

Katrina's birthday party was on Saturday, at a nearby trampoline place. They have entire areas with trampoline "floors," plus foam pits and a dodgeball court.

One of these areas is for kids 8-and-under. A few of Katrina's friends, and Katrina herself, were hesitant at first about the jumping, but they all got over it fast.

Gabriel joined us to "help," though he spent most of the time jumping in the big-kid areas, especially since he wasn't allowed to really jump in the kids' area. He came back sweaty and exhausted, it was great! He did help, too, like taking one boy to the bathroom once, something I appreciated!

They have party tables and serve pizza (and pizza only, no outside food at all), simplifying matters quite a bit.

I really liked this place, much better than the noisy inflatable-slide place that is very popular for birthday parties here. I wasn't crazy about all the rules they had in the kids' zone -- no chasing games, no holding hands and jumping -- but we worked around it. In fact, I ended up jumping and playing with Katrina's partymates longer than she did! I feel it in my back today, but I had a great time jumping around myself. I never made it to the foam pit though.

A great kickoff to Birthday Season!

10/9/11