4/5/08 Floor shopping

This morning, Dave and I dropped off all three at Melissa's....wait, on a Saturday?! We had some shopping to do that was best done childless, and Melissa kindly agreed to watch the bunch.

Dave and I went to breakfast, then floor-shopped and plumbing-shopped before picking up the bunch right after lunch. We came home with some flooring samples that Gabriel found quite fun to turn into a puzzle.


I put the samples on the stairwell landing to see how they'd look next to the oak flooring we have upstairs. This attracted yet more attention from the youngsters.


A trip to Target and Trader Joe's was long overdue. I was actually looking forward to these errands with Katrina, as I'm no good at just sitting and doing her thing for more than a few minutes, and at her age (18 months old today!!), these excursions are fun for both of us. Gabriel joined us, in quest of a jumprope, and I was glad he did, as he was able to amuse Katrina, pick up things she "dropped," and keep the shopping cart from rolling in the parking lot. He's my secret weapon to managing my future terrible twos. Hah, payback!

At Target, we scored two new big dumptrucks for the boys. I also got Katrina a little wagon with sand toys, but I seriously underestimated the value of the dump truck. She was screeching and pitching nearly a full-on fit at the Target checkout, in pursuit of the dump trucks. Onlookers and cashiers alike searched for the item that would satisfy her, thinking there was a crisis, but I knew what it was. I've gotten so used to her adamence that I forget how drastic it must appear to other people. No, really, this ruckus really is just about a dump truck that's much too big to hand to her.

Once home, I was able to sneak the trucks out back without her noticing. The boys were thrilled.

I'm not just saying this because I'm hoping not to deal with a girly-girl, but she really, truly is deeply attracted to wheeled things. Good thing, 'cause with that horrible haircut, she's set to be a truck driver!

4/5/08

4/4/08 The Haircut

This evening, I sent the boys to Outback to pick up dinner, while I fed Miss MopTop and then took her out for her first "real" hair trim. I wouldn't bother doing this, but her refusal to keep hairbands in is no longer a passing phase, and her hair is constantly in her eyes. And I know better than to attempt a trim myself.

She had a great time waiting, playing with the smattering of toys and books they had, not knowing what was in store.

But I knew. I was completely prepared for her to object (see previous note on sending the boys away). And oh boy did she.

Before. And after.

Fortunately she's not very strong and doesn't flail much, though she moved her head around so much that the lady who gave her a haircut had nicks all over her own hands afterward!

Still, though the lady gamely worked with this troublesome toddler, I wasn't happy with two things. One, the cut itself: it's sort of hacked-up in the front, as she took my asking for "wispy" bangs way too far, and I don't think she understood my request to make the bangs angle around Katrina's face, despite the technical challenges of trimming hair in motion. The bigger problem was that she didn't work very fast; a requirement!

Oh yeah, and when Katrina started to cry, the haircutter played her trump card immediately: "candy? candy?" and handed Katrina a lollipop! Little did she know that there was absolutely no way Mom was going to hand this child a sticky sharp weapon of Mom's destruction. Not to mention, Mom knew full well that no food was going to distract Katrina anyway.

I thought longingly to Julian's first haircut, when at 10 months old he sat in the haircut chair, by himself -- nervously, but quietly. He's never cried at a haircut. Gabriel...he cried so hard at his first haircut that it triggered my pregnant hormones to make me cry too!

Ah well, she got over it quickly, though I still don't like the cut much. Maybe I should have tried taking a little off the ends myself, though I don't have much experience with thin fine straight long(ish) hair, other than screwing it up royally twice.

Before we zoomed off this morning, Katrina "helped" Gabriel with his shoes. This delights him to no end.

(Look carefully on the left side of Gabriel's head and there's Julian, who got help from Katrina next with his clothes.)

Big progress! We got our construction drawings, our architect is submitting them to the city on Monday for permits, and I'm meeting with 3 contractors next week to start the bidding process. Yay!

4/4/08

4/3/08 Bad, bad feet

Better today, but that's relative. Still lots of pins-and-needles all around my feet (heels at the moment) from sitting, plus a painful left arch that's different from the pins-and-needles. That took a lot of fun out of skating this afternoon, but at least the pins-and-needles didn't bother me skating. All this from an easy 2.5-mile run two days ago!

I slept horribly last night, awake frequently from needing to move to renew feeling in whatever region of my feet had gone numb. For the most part, depending on how I'm sitting, both feet experience the same numbness at the same time -- both heels, both 4th toes, both arches, etc; together, mostly. Sometimes even lying down I'll feel it, or not feel it, like last night.

Julian said again today he didn't want to skate, but I was able to persuade him more easily than last week, and he had a great time in his Snowball class. It really helped when he saw Gina and Andrew -- he ventured onto the ice by himself, a first, to follow Gina and play tag! He came back a few minutes later to find me because he wanted to skate with me. Best offer I had all day.

But not all night -- we 2002 moms were long overdue for overindulging in caffeine, sugar and conversation, and had a nice Coffee Night. Good, 'cause I'm tired, and will go to sleep satisfied by the day, despite the troubling foot mystery.

4/3/08

4/2/08 The trouble with Katrina

I had all sorts of trouble with Katrina this afternoon.

First, she was having such a good time at Tonya's that it was hard to pull her away.

Then, she was having so much fun playing with Julian at home that it ran late for her dinner. Then I had trouble feeding her -- because she downed an entire bowl of broccoli and I didn't have more. Then after a big bowl of spaghetti, she asked for cookies, then more cookies, so sweetly and clearly that I couldn't resist and she got lots of cookies.

After dinner, she toddled around so happily, so sincerely giving her brothers things (shoes, boxes) that they had a hard time concentrating on finishing dinner.

I tried to read to her, but that didn't work -- she kept kissing the pictures in the book.

Then after her bath, she was so inquisitive and full of life and play that Dave didn't have the heart to put her to bed until almost 9:00. And now, she's chattering away in bed, making the most adorable sounds, pretending to sneeze, giggling.

But the worst thing she's doing is making wonder...what the heck am I doing working?

I took the day off today, primarily because Gabriel had a Spring Concert at school, and I couldn't miss that. The rest of the time, I would spend doing taxes and some remodeling shopping.

The concert was really cute, and pretty well-done. Organized, on time, brief, interesting. I dreaded sitting through the other classes' songs, but they were pretty cute! Some of the kids were tasked to play drums or bells too, which was a nice touch.


Fortunately for you, gentle reader, YouTube's video upload function is down right now, though actually, the clip of Gabriel's class singing Peas and Porridge is mercifully short. I hadn't noticed until watching the video that he's actually tapping his foot toward the end.

Add in Julian's usual cuteness and gluttony (a great thing in a 4-year-old), and my children were far and away the best part of my day.

Yesterday at work, my feet were getting pins-and-needles-y from sitting too long. Applying self-serving backwards reasoning, I figured, well, if sitting is causing this, then maybe I need to get off my butt! So I went for a "walk" at lunch -- in my running clothes. Which, of course, turned into a run. A short one, and not a relaxed one, because I was filled with concern about the ramifications.

And those ramifications hit hard later in the night, and all day today. Sitting for more than 15 minutes at a time today gets so uncomfortable that I have to get up. I drove to Belmont after Gabriel's concert, and that was uncomfortable. I only got through Gabriel's concert on a hard fold-out chair by changing position a lot. It's hard to explain; it feels like sitting on your feet for too long and they feel all tingly for a few minutes -- only they feel that way all the time, and the tingly feeling keeps moving around. For 5 minutes at a time, for instance, it'll almost attack my heels. Other times, it'll be the tops of my feet, or the arches.

This afternoon, it was so bad I had to lie down for a while. So much for getting taxes done. I'm only getting this written because I keep getting up, though it's finally slowing down now. (However, on the bright side, the terrible, terrible headache I had earlier this week did an unprecedented thing and went away after only a day.)

OK, yeah, so, running wasn't such a hot idea yesterday. But whatever's wrong that's manifesting itself in my feet has been gradually getting worse anyway. The run certainly spiked the problem, and I don't see how I can possibly even sneak in a run until this gets better, somehow. At least today, it's now really affecting my ability to function.

Ironically, one thing I can do just fine is being a Mom, because Moms don't sit very much! Maybe my feet are just being the mouthpiece for my heart.

4/2/08

4/1/08 April Fool's Day

Need I say more?


4/1/08

3/31/08 Fate

I don't believe in fate. I don't believe that things happen for a reason. I'm not superstitious. I don't believe in astrology. I'm very literal and practical, and believe that incidents of apparent fate are just coincidence.

But last night, while looking for some sandals on www.shoes.com that I'd seen in a print catalog, I came across a similar pair I liked better....on sale...and available only in my size. The antithesis to the World-Wide Conspiracy Against Size 6-1/2! Now if that's not a sign, I don't know what is!

Naturally, I bought them.

Last night, I was woken up by an intense sharp headache. After an hour of minute-by-minute suffering, I tried taking some tylenol with codeine, to no avail. Lying down was excruciating, so I got up and worked on our taxes until after 4am, went to bed, but still couldn't get to sleep. I gave up at 7:15am, got up, took Katrina to Melissa's and went to work, knowing I'd crash and burn, but the pain screaming in my head forbade sleep. I stuck it out at work until 12:30pm, feeling like my effort was nothing short of heroic.

This isn't typical of migraines, as it was only pain, without all the other weird symptoms at first, but now they've appeared. It's so weird to look at myself: I look so strung-out, exhausted, dragged through the mud, lethargic. Yet inside is a raging wildfire, sirens screaming, the air thick with panic. This is the sort of thing that sends people to emergency rooms. Turn up the dial, and I'll be there too. It's one of the worst I've ever had. I'm on my second dose of Prontalgine, the over-the-counter headache medicine from France, and it's helping a little, but I'm still a wired-tired disaster.

(At least last night I got a little done on our taxes, and more importantly, resolved a burning question. The movie "Ocean's Eleven" was on TV -- a regular hunkfest -- and I got to see George Clooney and Brad Pitt side-by-side. No doubt about it. Clooney takes it, easy.)

Then, while at work, running on overdrive, I did a little idle Googling about my ongoing ankle troubles. And I found it. I know what it is! It's the foot equivalent to carpal tunnel syndrome, called tarsal tunnel syndrome. Compression of the posterior tibialis nerve -- the same muscle that had the tendonitis. It's gotten to the point that if I sit for even an hour, the bottoms of my feet start to tingle. The bad news is, there's no easy fix, but since it keeps getting worse, there might actually be something compressing the nerve that can be solved. Or maybe I literally need to get off my butt more!

I hadn't filled the Topamax prescription because I'm really reluctant to take a drug on a regular basis when I can overall function in life -- both in terms of migraines and nerve trouble, both of which the Topamax would address. But in the same day, I'm slammed with one of the worst headaches I've had in months, and I uncover the ankle mystery.

It must be fate.

I filled the Topamax prescription.

When I'm reeling from a headache pain and blue about ankle troubles, I find my dear children to be a source of comfort. Maybe that's just because they've all been pretty good lately, but even when they act up, I can put it in perspective and see it as a sign of health and normal reaching out into the world. Katrina is the biggest wildcard, but she's been so funny and adorable and even sweet these past few days. She's still very insistent about things going her way, but is more tolerant of setbacks now. I love it when she sees me, and a huge smile breaks across her face, and she toddles over to me as fast as her clumsy feet can take her, arms widespread. Now if only she could learn to complete the motion and actually hug!

She loves to go outside, and asks by saying repeatedly, "sie? sie?" I hate saying no, but I have to make dinner and can't keep an eye on her out there! Our redesigned downstairs, and a little more maturity on her part, will solve that soon.

I find it intriguing that while her vocabulary isn't huge, she uses words in context, and as verbs or commands. Even Julian at this age I think mostly said only nouns. Katrina will say "sih?" to mean "put me here to sit," or "you sit," or "I'm going to sit." Then she'll bring Julian's shoes to him, saying "sue? sue?" then, "sie? sie?" I'm not sure if she's asking him if he wants to go outside, or suggesting to him he should go!

There could be potential in that situation for Julian to get possessive about his shoes, or get annoyed that she's shoving them in his face when he's trying to lie down, but there never is. Even when Katrina gets into Gabriel's carefully laid-out Lego project, he's very patient with her, and often just lets her play with him. The boys are so loving and nurturing to their little sister that it almost shoves out the feeling of doom from this terrible brutal headache. I'm exhausted from battling it all day, but I'll go to sleep (with help, I'm afraid) smiling about Julian making Katrina laugh, or Gabriel stopping to kiss her when she's in the high chair having dinner, and how they so good-naturedly accept her screeching and shoving them aside when she wants something.

Sibling harmony -- almost an oxymoron -- so rewarding! And to think, we weren't going to have a 3rd. It must be fa...nahhh.

3/31/08

3/30/08 The Musician

We had a really special visit today, from my friend Anna (Papa Paul's daughter) and a young woman, Lauren, who's staying with her in her home in Minnesota. We see each other every few years, and it's always great fun. Anna and Lauren were visiting coastside for a workshop in Berkeley, and they took the time and trouble to rent a car and come visit us way down here. How lucky for us!

Anna is a professional cellist, so the boys were very excited about a real musician coming to visit. I told Gabriel that being a musician is very special, and that you have to work very hard and be the best, because there aren't a lot of jobs for musicians. It's easy to be an engineer like me or Dad, but you have to practice a lot to be a musician. The parent-brainwashing continues!

Anna is one of those people who's awash with talent: artistic as well as playing with kids. She's a complete natural, and can take the most mundane objects and turn them into a play paradise. It took no time for her to win over Katrina, who was in such a fabulous state today that my tales of her difficulties rang hollow.


Lucky me, I got to make a big breakfast with lots of fun choices (including my new discovery, Herb-Baked Eggs, which I love having an excuse to make, in individual ramekins this time). Anna and Lauren and I got to catch up alone at first, but then Julian joined us and charmed them completely with his adorable little-boy questions and comments. And, his polite (phew) asking for yet more yogurt. That kid can down an entire pint of Pavel's Russian Yogurt single-handedly. Katrina vyed for more attention too as she stuffed down three buttermilk pancakes and a wheatbran muffin.

Anna's friend Lauren brought her violin, and this was really fun. All 3 kids were fascinated at listening to it, and I found even just casual playing of a few classical bars downright moving, having it so close.



Gabriel was very anxious to "show off" his piano, the violin came out, and this turned into something between a jam session and a lesson. Lauren very generously showed the boys how to use the bow. I was more nervous than she was -- violins are delicate and expensive instruments!

Then Anna amused the boys by making some silly sounds and singing with the violin, playing it like it's a cello, though that particular part of the humor was lost on them. It's truly remarkable to see such talent in action, both in terms of ability to entertain, and musically.


Then they both got lessons how to finger and bow the violin, though in a cello fashion. Lauren helped the bower control the bow, and it turned into a 4-person effort to play "Hot Cross Buns" cello-style on a violin!

I never knew that fingers are counted differently between string instruments and pianos, and didn't know that the bow is held at a different angle for cellos and violins. (My mother, who's now learning the viola, would no doubt know this .... drat, I forgot to mention that to Anna, though she probably knows!)

Then Gabriel and Lauren played "Three Blind Mice" together, though you can't hear the piano, or Julian's shy singing, very well.


Lauren and Anna were both beside themselves over our orange tree, and took a big bag of freshly-picked oranges with them (thank goodness, we have plenty of oranges). I've been in California too long, because having an orange or lemon tree in your yard is completely common here -- but when you're coming from Minnesota, where it's snowed Halloween to Easter -- it's a treat! Lauren did express some disappointment about not being able to wear a sundress though. "It's kinda cold in Berkeley!" Yup! Sorry. I explained to them a bit about that little fog problem in the North Bay, a tightly held "state" secret.

We said a cheerful goodbye, with the boys completely riled up and pushing for even more attention, running like mad and showing off -- they were both in love.

After Anna and Lauren left with some new maps and a detour to the coast planned, Dave took the boys to the BMX park to un-rile them, and they haven't been there in a long time. They had a great time there, while I cursed my bad ankle fortune. I'd have loved to take Katrina on a short run after her nap, but yesterday's "sculpt" class at the Y has both ankles buzzing and tingling with pain. Grr.

The day was a lot for Julian. This was his contribution to pre-dinner cleanup.


Gabriel has "sharing" tomorrow, and this month's topic is "Jobs in the community." He has to talk about what he wants to be, what you do in that job, if you wear any special clothes or uniform, and draw a picture of himself doing the job. And what do you think he wants to be when he grows up? A musician., of course!

3/30/08

3/29/08 The game

I took Julian and Katrina to the Y this morning so I could go to a class. Afterward, when I went to pick up Katrina, I saw her playing with an Exersaucer, and screeching and shoving aside another little girl who was also interested in the toy. The Childwatch ladies took Katrina's adamence seriously, and they were gently advising the other little girl to wait her turn. "Nah!" I intervened, "she always does that!" I can see how others would take her almost aggressive behavior to mean that a toy means a great deal to her, when I know she's just used to standing her ground against her brothers. Then the Childwatch lady showed me a little push-bike toy and said, "she play with this the whole time!" Figures.

Later tonight, after a smashingly successful dinner outing to Midori, I was sitting on the floor playing with Katrina, the game where she "hides" behind me and is delighted when I "can't find" her. Julian butts in a lot, to my irritation, since it's so rare that I get to play with her like that, and she was being really adorable. She kept coming to me for hugs, and though she still doesn't hug back, she got into giggle fits when I made mouth-farts on her neck.

Anyway, one time, Julian fabricated some injury, so I humored him by giving him a long hug and playing with him too. Julian DOES know how to hug, so we were enjoying this embrace, when Katrina stalked over, screeching. She pushed Julian away, then scolded him with her pointed, "bah! bah!" and then went on her way again. What a little brat!

It's very rare that any of the kids compete for our attention, but tonight I got it from both: Julian trying to butt in on a baby game, and Katrina shoving him aside when he did. I can't help but to be a little happy that they're fighting over me!

And I'm even happier that Katrina has been nothing short of delightful lately: full of adorable sounds, playing happily, much more tolerant of setbacks, laughing a lot, making up games with Julian -- all the wonderful things about a toddler. I'd forgotten how much fun they can be!

3/29/08

3/28/08 Three's a charm

I've been a single mom all week, which means, at the very least, that I've put all three to bed myself every night. When Dave's here, he does most of the bed-timing.

Tonight, as Dave does, I sat Katrina on the little potty before her bath and gave her a book. This, she's used to: "boo? boo?"

But tonight, something was different. She kept getting up and looking back into the little potty, then saying "yay bee!" prematurely, then I'd sit her back down, "boo? boo?", read a page, get up, look again. After about the 6th time, she looked ahead in concentration, and I thought, "If I didn't know better, I'd think...." Then she actually bounced up and down a little, as if to shake it off, and sure enough! She produced! She got up and looked right away, and there was her reward in the potty. She also anticipated the routine of walking over to the toilet, pouring it in, and flushing, all the while with me singing praises, clapping, and making a HUGE deal of it. And it was -- this was the 3rd night in a row, and she clearly has made some connections. Yay bee!

It'll be ironic if Gabriel is the first and last one we toilet-train. If Katrina is anything like my niece (who was completely done by 22 months, a rarity these days), then there's actually a chance of that.

Gabriel's strong personality may be an impediment to night-training, but it's an asset in piano-playing. This afternoon, I left work "early"...wait, I must explain. 2:30 is early for normal people, but horribly late for someone who got up at 6:45am, been at the most boring job for 6 solid hours, freezing to death in an office, and counting the minutes to get home to take a nap. On the way home, I realized I'd have just enough time to surprise Gabriel outside his classroom, so I picked him up right from school. His shout of joy at seeing me made me happy and guilty all at the same time! At home, I made him a snack, then he played the piano and with Legos for the rest of the afternoon.

A few times, I had to go in to see if he was playing a pre-programmed song, or if he was just playing on his own. Sometimes he plays along with a preprogrammed song. Then I heard him playing Wheels On The Bus, which he figured out on his own, but he moved between several different keys, transposing it easily. I tried to get him to do this for the camera, with mixed results; it's hard to get him to do it in short chunks. When I asked him to play it in a different key, sometimes he'd just play it in a different octave, and he completely understood when I said, "Noooo, that's just a different octave!" even though I don't think he knows the word yet.

So, a few videos. I really tried to keep them short, with varying success; at least the interesting parts are in the beginning.

The Muffin Man, in two keys.


The 12-bar blues.


A "little tune" he insisted I record.


He really needs to progress beyond hunt-and-peck fingering though!

Julian's been abandoned by his brother lately thanks to the piano, but he has another sibling to take up the slack. I remember now that Julian was about 18 months old when the boys really started interacting, and I'm seeing much more sophisticated interaction between the younger two now.

Tonight, this involved Julian "reading" Katrina the Jungle Boogie book, and acting out the shaky-shake bear, to Katrina's puzzlement.



After Katrina's bath, I tried to get some photos of her with her beloved blankie, a satin pillow cover that she chews on for comfort and sleep. Dr. Sears would call this a "lovey," though fortunately this "lovey" is hardly unique: it's $3.99 at Bed Bath and Beyond, so we have a few.

This is the sort of thing I like to do a scrapbook page about, especially since Katrina has an irresistable new name for it: her "mimi." I did get my scrapbook page shot, but I think I almost prefer these outtakes of her happily playing peek-a-boo with her "mimi" on Julian's quilt.



Maybe I'm just not at the right job....I do like working, but I also really really liked picking Gabriel up from school today (maybe because it was optional?), and hanging out with him at home this afternoon. Julian smothering me with his magnificent kisses after his bath almost got me choked up. And Katrina's vastly improved attitude goes a long way toward me missing home too...and really missing her.

One person I don't need to miss anymore: Dave is coming back from Dallas tonight!

3/28/08

3/27/08 The setback

Last night I was up until 3am (!) -- I haven't done that in years! An old friend was visiting, we got talking, a bottle of port was sacrificed, and the next thing we knew, we were in the wee hours.

And I do mean wee hours. I hadn't woken Julian up yet, so went into the boys' room after 3am. Julian was either already awake or woke up immediately, and said, "I'm wet!" Not just him, but his blanket and pee pad and everything too. So, a little early-morning laundry, a change into emergency PJs, and back to bed he went.

But at 7am when I woke him, he was wet again! Not sure what the deal is. Of course, setbacks are to be expected. He's still leagues ahead of his stubborn brother.

Katrina had a great time tonight with her brothers' Autoblox cars. It was a little shocking, almost, to see her lying on the floor looking at the wheels, as Gabriel did that all the time when he was her age.

I gave her a bowl and a spoon to practice feeding herself tonight. She practiced all right, but spoon? Who needs a spoon?

I got my whole brood off to school early this morning again, with Julian opening Kids Inc at 7:30am. Thank goodness Melissa kindly brought Katrina home for me after Julian's ice skating class. I'm really growing to hate the driving.

Julian almost didn't go skating today, claiming he didn't want to skate, and that he'd just watch me. I humored him until he was dressed and skated up, then pretended he'd never said anything. And he did great! I'm so proud of him, he's more and more comfortable in his class. He's not the bravest or the most coordinated, but once he forgets about skating and just has fun instead, he really comes into his own. I'd like to continue skating with him next session; I just hope his whining on the way there today was an aberration.

My whining, on the other hand, is never an aberration. I'm not completely sure, but this low-grade headache and malaise I've had all day has all the earmarks of a hangover! urggh!

3/27/08

3/26/06 The Hug

Julian and Katrina have been playing a lot together lately. Julian is really very sweet with her, and more and more she's accepting of his play and knows games they have together.

Tonight I suggested she give him a hug, and she did!!! Oh my gosh, the "awww" factor....! Where was my camera?!!

A tickle would have to do. Here they are, Julian trying to get a hug, getting a tickle instead, then resoundly rejected.

(What's with wrapping strings around her neck, anyway? It's really unnerving!)

I'm happy to say this is the face I've been seeing a lot more on her. Yay!


Believe it or not, I pulled out of the driveway this morning with all 3 in the car at 7:20am -- with Katrina even dressed -- and got to work at 8:15am. Lots of planning the night before, lots of preparing boys, lots of being very efficient. Taking it to the next level, it seems. Single moms, hats off to you! Whew!

3/26/08

3/25/08 The Explosion

There are moments in a toddler's life when from one moment to the next, you almost don't recognize them by behavior. Since when could she do that? Katrina is exploding with new words, new actions, new forms of understanding.

Tonight I was sitting in the dining room talking with Gabriel, and I told him to put away his knapsack after he was done with his cookies. I had to say it several times for him to acknowledge it, then moved on to something else. To my amazement, moments later, in tottered Katrina, carrying the knapsack, and she handed it to Gabriel! "Bah?" Her sincerity was so cute and endearing I was about to explode myself.

She's also "saying" a lot more, mostly one-word utterances...or rather, one "phoneme" utterances, never finishing the sound, always in a questioning tone, such as "buh?" for brush, or "boo?" for book, or "see?" for sit. But now there are more attempts to say something than I can count.

She "went" in the little potty again tonight too. I still don't think she gets that she did it, but she knows enough to look in there now. Then she says "yay bee!" which means "yay baby!" It's funny that I'm praising one for going, and another for not going! (Julian's been doing pretty well; slightly damp 2-3 mornings a week.)

I have to surmise that the end (or break from?) a long period of grouchiness and irritability, and this new explosion of learning, are related. Either that or she knows she's coming up on 18 months -- the Golden Age! The flip side of toddlers -- they can be so unbelievably adorable.

I went to see a physiatrist -- a sports medicine doctor who specializes in physical medicine and rehabilitation -- about my ongoing foot troubles. Since the Big Bunny Fun Run, and a short goof-around dance in the living room yesterday, my feet and ankles have been bothering me constantly, but the sensations shift around so much, I don't know what to make of it. The areas under both outer anklebones start buzzing if I sit for too long, and just lying down, I'll get random sharp pains across an anklebone. I can't make it start, and I can't make it go away. It's very odd!

I wasn't expecting any instant answers, and I didn't get any. I liked the doctor, she really listened and understood (also a runner with 3 young children), and did a thorough job probing me -- both my history and body. None of the initial tests she did indicated any obvious nerve problems, though she scheduled me for a thorough nerve test in April. The only thing that troubles me is the heavy emphasis on prescription drugs -- antidepressants, narcotics -- for pain management. In fact, once she heard I have migraines, Topamax was the answer, partly in case what I have is a nerve thing, but bonus, maybe it'll help migraines too. But I don't live in so much pain that I can't function, and I'm very reluctant to resort to daily drugs that could bring with them more problems than solutions. Prescription drugs are nasty, nasty stuff: powerful, addictive -- yet easily available, often paid for by insurance companies, and without the stigma of illegal drugs. I can't believe there's such a stew about medical marijuana when legal painkillers are way more dangerous.

Dave left for a business trip to Austin this morning, so I'm single mom for the week. I'm taking a painkiller for that now: chocolate chips.

3/25/08

3/24/08 The Explanation

A conversation between Gabriel and Julian in the car on the way home, about Miss Cassie, who is the director of Julian's school:

Gabriel: "Who is Miss Cassie, anyway?"
Julian: "She's my Prince!"
Gabriel (puzzled): "Are you married to her?"
Julian: "No, I recognize her!"

Somehow, this made sense to them, in the private language of brothers.

Later, I was talking to them about visiting family back East in July, and ran through the names of relatives: "...Aunt Stephanie, Uncle Andreas, Uncle Ronan, Bonne Maman, Papa Paul..." and Julian cut in: "Oh, Papa Paul! I love Papa Paul!" Lucky kid has 3 grandfathers, but he knows the one he's not related to the best.

Life is night and day when Katrina is in a good mood, starting with walking in the door, setting her down and she doesn't cry. Just that by itself is a huge relief. Tonight she walked right off to find something to play with, giving me a crucial few minutes to form a dinner plan and get her dinner ready. I still had trouble feeding her tonight -- but not because she was so fussy and impossible, but because she was laughing so much. After dinner, she toddled around happily, bursting into a room playing private little game, giggling. She was funny and delightful and playful and only screeched once or twice.

What happened? What baby exorcist secretly descended on us and vanquished the demon? I can't believe how vastly different the day is when she's happy! It's frightening how much power toddlers have over the entire household.

Gabriel got another "report card" this week. Not so good this time. His teacher's comments:

Gabriel meets or exceeds grade level standards in all areas. He is more focused and completes his work quickly. His behavior, however, changed this trimester with teasing of his peers and not following classroom/playground rules (as discussed). He needs to work on improving these areas.

Dave showed Gabriel a standard blues chord progression called 12-bar blues on the piano, and now Gabriel's practicing it himself from memory. He spends at least half of his free time at home (which isn't much, I'm guilty and sorry to say) at the piano these days. We were driving along De Anza Blvd last weekend, and he saw a sign that said "Piano" (for a piano store), and he cried out "PIANO!!!!" with such tremendous excitement I just about jumped out of my skin, reminding us again how much he wants lessons. I've really got to find some. If he's going to get kicked out of school for bad behavior, he might as well have something to fall back on!

3/24/08

3/23/08 Easter Sunday

Easter today! We haven't really been Easter-celebrators, and in fact it didn't even occur to me to get the boys Easter baskets. It's not like they need more candy though, especially since we accepted a gracious invitation from the White family for an Easter brunch and egg hunt.

It also occurred to me this morning that I have nothing dressy for the boys at all. Not even non-jeans for pants!

The kids got right down to business, with Gina designating who got to ride the tricycle next via "Eeny Meeny Miny Mo." Julian only got a turn because I intervened, something I rarely do, but it's one thing for Gabriel to push his brother around in their own games, but not someone else's.


Of course, it was all over once Katrina caught sight of the tricycle.


Katrina was in fine form, happy as long as things were going her way, but increasingly demanding and screechy if things didn't. We were well into her naptime, so that explains some of it, but she wasn't much better after her nap at home. Dave and I both really had enough of her this weekend. We had lots of really fun cute times with her, but it takes 10 minutes of those to make up for 10 seconds of screeching, and the balance wasn't in our favor.

Incredibly, we got all 7 kids together for a pre-egg-hunt photo-op. I love how baby Declan is looking up at his second-cousins, like "whaaat?"


Good food, company, family -- exactly what holidays should be about.

And not headaches. I didn't think I had a headache today, but I keep feeling familiar signs of them. So I took a short nap this afternoon to fend it off.

And was tormented by a terrifying dream of driving and not being able to see, there was too much fog and rain and things being kicked up onto the windshield. I knew I was on the side of the road and was stricken with fear about running off a cliff and was still moving and couldn't think and didn't know what to do. I couldn't cope, couldn't overcome the overwhelming weight to pull my thoughts together as I careened into the fog. It felt like my life was over and I was just waiting for the inevitable crash that would take it.

I was rattled for hours after I woke up. It was so hard to shake off the sense of my world ending, and to believe that indeed I do have a future, and that my life is sunny and clear and colorful and filled with vibrant children. I'm not a depressive sort of person, but that sort of experience almost feels like I'm taking my first steps into a life of mental illness and rounds of drugs. Or is this all migraine-related? Or just plain old Freudian psychological fear and empathy for how my father must feel sometimes?

So going on a letterbox excursion at prime-dinner-making-time was essential.

I'd wanted to squeeze in a local letterbox somehow this weekend but now, some joyful utterly pure time with my boys was truly called for. Dave took Katrina to the supermarket (thank heavens for me, too bad for him, 'cause she was a pain there too), and the boys happily piled into the car for a little adventure.

One of the great things about letterboxing continues to escape us, which is finding new places to visit, because once again we went to a well-known familiar park: the BMX park! This letterbox had a fun clue, that included counting pavement squares, climbing a little down an embankment, and then pulling rocks aside to find it.


After we exchanged stamps, the boys played a little in the dry creekbed.


I felt a lot better, grounded and in touch with what's truly important to me. The boys' simple joy at being outside and hunting for something and watching the BMXers and running together and laughing made me happy and joyful too. And very sorry I'd worn slip-on shoes and couldn't chase after them!

When we got home, they even cleaned up the family room without much trouble. I set about making dinner, and my life was back to normal, which included instant blood pressure elevation once Katrina was back on the scene. I had some nice time playing with her before bedtime, but one just never knows what's going to set her off. I was all too happy to put her to bed.

In other news, we forgot to get Julian up last night to go to the bathroom. This morning, he was a little wet -- so little that he just wore his damp pajamas all morning until we realized it and insisted he get dressed. Two or three other mornings, he's been a little damp like this too, but that was with waking him up. He wasn't any wetter today without us waking him up. So I guess that's a little progress. This for sure though: he's done with night-time Pull-Ups.

Thank you to the White family for having us today (and our apologies to the city of Saratoga for Katrina's screeching), and to the Ryders for turning us on to the fabulously fun outlet of letterboxing!

3/23/08

3/22/08 Big Bunny Fun Run

2008 Big Bunny Fun Run 5K!














Las Madres 2006 Spring Fling and Egg Hunt:





3/22/08