This morning at swim lessons at the "old" place, we discovered that last week the teacher really was testing Julian, and he's moved up a level! He was SO proud of his blue ribbon, he carried it with him everywhere today.
I wish I could say I could tell that he was in a different class based on the actual instruction. I did notice that he had a different teacher and was by himself, but a different teacher doesn't mean much, and attrition on summer weekend mornings must be high anyway. And once again, he was being floated on his back and pulled around, and I didn't see any actual swimming. But, he was having a great time, he liked his new teacher. I'm almost feeling bad about having cancelled their lessons; Gabriel's doing pretty well and maybe now Julian will be more challenged (though not based on what I saw today). And Saturday mornings at 8am is a surprisingly good time.
I was toying with putting the boys in a 10-week session in another swim school, since we have a little momentum going, but I think I'll stick to hard-won wisdom from the past: don't pile on multiple schedule changes. My self-imposed MWF work schedule is tentative as it is, and it's not clear how my Tuesdays and Thursdays will go as a full-time mom who has to pick up schoolchildren smackdab in the middle of toddler-nap. I'm sort of looking forward to the problem, it's more challenging than anything I face at work.
Since I really have little good to say about the day, I'll grumble about the worst thing.
A 20-minute meeting was scheduled for me today with a new Director at work, someone I already don't like from things I've heard, but who holds my life in his hands (at work, anyway). Given my unusual/oddball/shaky status as a part-time contractor, it's wise to keep my visibility up if I want to maintain this super-flexible position. So of course I'll attend this one-on-one meeting with the new director, taking care not to extend my hand out of habitual greeting custom, as his faith does not permit him to shake hands with women.
But the meeting is on the first day of school. I'm almost bitter about it, though ironically, to keep the flexibility I so relish, I'd better not reschedule.
Actually, it could be worse. I want to be there to pick Julian up from his class at noon on the first day, and thanks to my flexible job, I can do that. But to keep that flexible job, I have to leave around 2pm and go to the meeting. At least I'll have met my goal of greeting my brand-new kindergartner outside his class on his first day. When I get a "real" job, which is inevitable, I won't even be able to do that.
But darnit, why did he have to pick Thursday the 20th?
Katrina was in fine form these evening, playing and being very cute and silly during the boys' swim lesson. And she should be happy -- she earned herself some chocolate raisins because she did her business in the toilet at TLC today! I was thrilled to hear that.
She was a nightmare at home though; starting a tantrum before she even got into the house. I forget what started it; something about not wanting to bring her lunch in. I watched the clock -- a top-of-the-lungs screaming tantrum lasted for 50 minutes. The last half of it was spent upstairs, demanding I help her get a glass of water (never mind that she'd rejected milk and water downstairs). When I finally finished setting up dinner and got the boys started, I went upstairs and found her lying on the bathroom floor, shaking and hyperventilating from the tantrum. But at least she was over it and would now permit me to offer her some dinner.
The boys are doing great in swim school, actually learning to swim. But it's not all work, they get to play too.
I'm ready to turn in early. The boys were fine (for them) tonight, but Katrina resumed her tantrum when it was time to get out of the bath. I am so ready to be done with the tantrum thing!
In desperation, I bought some chocolate-covered raisins as a reward/incentive for Katrina to use the toilet for #2. She's been in underpants for months now and still is nowhere with being completely potty-trained.
I'd planned to give her some of the treats and talk to her about going poop on the potty, but apparently my merely complaining aloud as I was buying them was enough for it to stick in her head. Dave caught her in the act once last weekend and got her to the toilet in time for the final fall to be in the water, so she asked for some chocolate raisins. Which had no effect on subsquent events.
Tonight, I caught her in the act, at the perfect time -- nanometers from clothing contact, but beyond the point of no return. I rushed her to the toilet, where she objected at first, but Mom Nature, and gravity, was on my side. Still, she had to work at it, which I've suspected all along has been the biggest barrier -- she just doesn't know how to go sitting down. In fact, I caught her because I noticed her on all fours, back slightly cat-curled, with a funny look on her face.
Naturally I made a huge deal of this accomplishment, thrilled that a BM didn't mean a change of clothes. My regret about using rewards was justified when pride in this accomplishment was overshadowed by the treat. But I'll take it this time.
Julian was unusually mellow after dinner, having found his Kung Fu Panda book. He looks like a 5-year-old old man, falling asleep on the couch like this!
Argh...I thought I might have pulled my back yesterday morning picking something up, then thought I got away with it. But all the sitting I've been doing means I'm wondering where my cane is. Great, because Dave is out of town until Thursday night.
Katrina is back at TLC today! She couldn't stop talking about it, all excited, and was happy when we first went in. I put her things away and caught up with the teachers, briefing them on her semi-potty-trained state. I always get advice on the #2-training, until I explain to people that it's not a matter of lack of control or not getting it; it's that she actively avoids it. The story about Julian's underpants sinks it in, and is always good for laughs too. TLC charges more for not-potty-trained, so I wish she'd get with it already. (So far my attempt at offering a reward is a total failure.)
When it was time for me to go, she started to get teary. No clinging or wailing Mommy or anything, just a pouty face and moist eyes. I know what the teachers need when that starts: vamoose Mom. I made a quick skedaddle, and she had a great day.
On the way to the boys' swim lesson after school, she talked about a "papa-school." A what? "At Tonya's!" she explained. "A papa-school! I had purple, Julian red and Gabriel green." The boys burst out laughing. "We each had a popsicle at Tonya's!" they explained. I don't think we can ever say popsicle again!
Gabriel has been saying for a few days now that he wants to hold a garage sale. He wants to sell some of his toys to raise money to buy new Lego kits. I put him off for a few days, asking him questions like what he was going to sell, how much he was going to charge, when he would set up this sale and who he'd sell to.
But today there was no more putting him off. He'd gathered his sale items, made price tags for everything, made a sign that said "Small Garage Sale Today," and then asked for help with a table. I told him to use our plastic kids' picnic table -- it's his garage sale, why should I do any heavy lifting?
And he did. He set up the whole thing single-handedly, then was open for business all afternoon in our front yard. He even had his wallet and a calculator to make change.
He was completely unswayed when I suggested that his items were a tad overpriced. $57.50 for a box of used Snap Circuits, with missing pieces and a tattered manual, was about $50 more than I'd ever pay for something that cost about $60 new. His Lego cars, obscured by the Snap Circuits, were all priced at over $7, more than the kit costs new. He absolutely would not drop his prices.
He did accept other advice of mine, however: he made his Small Garage Sale sign lettering more visible, and used tape to keep his prices from blowing away. I explained to him that at garage sales, people often negotiate, which he was shocked to hear. "At Toys-R-Us, the price is $5.99 no matter what!" As gently as I could, I warned him not to be disappointed if he didn't sell a lot today; our street doesn't have a lot of traffic and Sunday afternoon past prime garage-sale-shopping time.
He did attract one customer though. Julian bought 3 items that he could easily have found under the couch tomorrow anyway.
A neighbor took pity on the boys and "bought" two oranges off our orange tree for $1 though. I took tremendous amusement, and some pride, from all this, while relishing the value in the lesson. Still, I am his mother, and went out to put sunscreen on him and bring him some apple slices and ice water.
Gabriel said later, "I wish I were rich!" No doubt about it, we have a budding capitalist on our hands.
I swear I'm not obsessing about this, but 3 lessons a week and the World swimming championships in Rome keeps it high on my radar. And Saturday 8am lessons definitely sticks in my mind.
This week, I paid more attention to Gabriel's lesson. I was dismayed when I saw the barbells come out, but then saw they were just aids for kicking practice. To my surprise, Gabriel was actually OK at kicking.
To my delight, his teacher actually was teaching him to swim. I like this new Saturday AM teacher. No-nonsense, and actually teaches. Trouble is, it could be someone else next week.
Julian's lesson, on the other hand...I don't know. He waits on the sides for a long time while his classmates are pulled around or back-floated. Then it only takes a few seconds for his turn. Watching this video, I notice the teacher counting how many times he pops up. Hmm...is she evaluating him for an advancement?
She seems to count to five...hmmm. Indeed, looking up the ribbon levels , it looks to me like Julian meets the criteria for getting his Blue ribbon...no, wait. You know, the ribbon level descriptions are confusing. If you're at the Green level, which is where Julian is, it means you're working on the skills listed under the Blue ribbon. The order is green, blue, red, white -- Julian's at green, but it looks to me like he meets the criteria listed under Blue. So I guess that means he should get a Blue ribbon (if he does qualify, and I guess he's close) so he can start working on the red-ribbon skills. But, whatever. I'm not hung up on ribbon color except when it places them in the wrong class.
Sleepover night! I was surprised at how excited Katrina was to go.
I enticed the boys to get ready without hassle with the promise of a treat in the car -- and what a treat it was. New Rainbow Magic fairy books! It doesn't get better than that for little boys, especially ones who just came back from Testosterone City at the BMX park.
I just couldn't pry their heads away from the new stories. Not in the car. Not after getting out of the car. Not on the walkway to the house. Not in the alley to the backyard. Not in the house. And not even with an old friend to distract them. Three other boys made attempts to tease them about fairy books, but they didn't even lift their heads. I have to appreciate their confidence, and their dedication to these stories.
Dave and I had a nice dinner at a wonderful unusual restaurant in Los Gatos. I was glad, but also slightly worried, that we had no trouble getting a table at 7:45. In the New Economy, you're welcomed instead of laughed at when you call the same night for a table at a popular restaurant on a Saturday night.
I took the boys to check out a friends' son's swim lesson today. What a difference. These kids were actually swimming, like, laps. It's a popular swim school and not easy to get into, and I'm not sure I can find a schedule that works, but I think I might try to get the boys into one 10-week session. I've seen it myself now. Kids can swim.
We have a retaining wall! Looks nice against that big redwood tree and lovely yard, doesn't it? Too bad the fence that's going to be rebuilt will completely block them. I wish that big redwood tree were in our yard. But at least we have the wall. It's there to manage the grade difference between ours and our neighbors' yard, but it'll be a nice planting area and place to sit too.
Stunning -- Julian and Katrina played so happily together before dinner tonight.
And now, it's TIME to do some scrapbooking. I've been waiting SO long, and my urge to document and preserve memories is overwhelming!
Well, what do you know. Arms are pretty useful while swimming.
Gabriel knows this, though so far he undervalues breathing.
Julian's introduction has been nothing short of an epiphany.
One thing I am starting to conclude is that while the boys together in a semi-private lesson may be convenient for me, it's not necessarily the best for the teacher. The boys grab at each other, play together instead of listening to the teacher, and generally distract and complicate things for the teacher. I think Betsy and I will have to conspire to mix up our siblings, yet still get the attention of a semi-private lesson. Actually, for just a 20-minute lesson, private might work well too. Next summer.
Another friend whose kids have late swim lessons raised my hopes that bedtime would be a breeze for us too. Turns out, in Doudna-land, tired means completely wired and very difficult to get to bed. Hmm, what's wrong with this picture: tired agreeable (girls) vs. tired disagreeable (boys)...hmmm...
Katrina had a new do when I picked her up today: a little bun. SOOO cute! I love the multicolored blond streaks in her hair, which really show up when it's all drawn together. Still, the blond weirds me out. She should have rich dark brown hair, as I did at her age. She should look just like me. Uh-huh. Poor kid.
In trying to get the right angle for the bun photo, I caught this shot. It reminds me of the old TV ads for Charlie perfume.
Finally, some landscaping work around here! The south fence between us and our neighbors this morning...
Andrea and her kids left this morning, but not before I got a photo of us with our "babies."
As usual, her visit and our conversations have left my mind zinging with ideas and perspectives. She's one of the most insightful people I know, and I can always turn to her for support and advice in anything in life.
When I told Gabriel and Julian that Andrea and I had been friends for 30 years, Julian asked, "Do you ever stop being friends?" I smiled and told him, "No, some friends you have forever."
Katrina keeps asking about Aaron. They really were adorable together, though to my surprise, Aaron played just as much with Julian. A 3-1/2-year-old boy is a perfect playmate juxtaposition for them both.
A new twist to Monday madness: 6pm swim lessons far away from home. Gak. A lot of logistics for 20 minutes of instruction, but who am I to pass up throwing good money after bad? And time while I'm at it?
Though I was distracted minding an edgy Katrina and at times, a rambunctious Dylan, overall I was happy with what I saw in the lesson. The teacher worked on arms with both boys, which wasn't enough for Gabriel (but that's OK, we can up it the next lesson), and great for Julian, who hasn't been taught to use his arms at all yet.
Meantime, the key to keeping toddlers out of trouble with the pool was bags of apples. This proved to be Katrina's dinner -- exactly why I don't like late-afternoon snacks, so I've got to think more carefully about what to bring next time. Broccoli, anyone?
My summer feels half-over because all our visits are over, though we still have one camping trip coming up in a few weeks. School starts in about 4 weeks, and then it really will be over! But not before I completely burn out on swim lessons.
Today Andrea, Dana (her daughter) and I took Zumba at the Y together. Andrea had mentioned that she'd tried a class in NJ where she lives, and that was enough for me! We put her 3-year-old son and Julian into the Childwatch and Zumba'd away. Then they went to Santa Cruz to check out UC Santa Cruz. I would just love it if Dana, who's entering her junior year of high school, ended up going to college here -- then I'd see a lot more of Andrea!
They're heading for home tomorrow, and it's been such a fun visit...but I've got to get a picture of us together. I think the last one in existence was us together at her high school graduation.
Today we took the whole kit'n'kaboodle to the BMX park. We expected everyone would ride except the two moms, but the funky bicycle and the plethora of 10-year-old boys turned off our teenage representative, so she hung and watched while all the boys -- and one girl -- rode.
We brought wheels for the toddlers, though only one actually knows how to pedal. Katrina still insists on pushing with one foot.
We rode the toddlers to a playground where they then hung on bars and played. Aaron led the way and showed Katrina this was possible, and her gymnastics "training" made her willing to try.
I was happy to see the boys ride too. Gabriel leaped right back into it.
Julian took a little more coaxing, but he too was soon taking all the bumps.
Unfortunately, seconds after I took this last shot of Julian, I chased him on foot as I'd seen Dave do by bike, and Julian was laughing and giggling -- and looking back to see me. Then the plateau came up, another kid was nearby, Julian looked forward again and didn't react well....lost control of the bike and then he did a total faceplant in the dirt. His lip and inside his mouth was bleeding, and it took a lot of water to get all the dirt out of his teeth. He was a sad, sad mess, poor guy. I cleaned him up, went back to the playground to find Andrea with Aaron and Katrina (what would I have done without Andrea, as Dave was off riding somewhere with Gabriel), then took Katrina and Julian home.
In theory, one reason to go home was for Katrina's nap, but I'd overshot. I put her in her room, then spent a lot of concentrated time with Julian, but once he was settled, it was clear she wasn't going to take a nap. And we paid dearly for that, she had one tantrum after another, though a surprisingly good dinner.
Her latest thing is to take off all her clothes when she's mad. Then she throws them and then runs around naked throwing her fits. It took about an hour and two bananas to finally settle her down, at which point she insisted on getting dressed again.
Julian's recovered, though he has a fat lip and a really really bad attitude, lots of crying and screaming and complaining and being a major, major pain. He and Katrina should have gone to bed at 7.
Andrea and her two went to San Francisco today while I went to work, then I came home early to nap off a headache. That put me behind for dinner, but still, I'm having grand fun cooking and making yummy things for our guests. It's actually a lot harder to cook/prepare/plan vegan (which Andrea's 16-year-old daughter is) than diabetic. Frankly, I'm starting to find veganism silly; there just doesn't seem to be any adaptive or biological basis for it in humans. It allows most junk food (potato chips) but rules out healthy staples (fish). And most baked goods contain at least some dairy (butter, eggs) -- why would anyone want to do that to themselves?
Andrea has always been something of a model mom to me, having done it long before I did, and also generally keeping her cool and making what looked to me to be good direction. Now that I'm a mom too, it's great consulting her on the many things that I have so much insecurity about -- and getting exactly the support and practical advice I need. She understands well that not every parenting technique works on every child, and that positive parenting is a great start and a basic way to conduct day-to-day business, but it's not the final answer for some kids. I'm sorry to say that the boys have been giving us lots of fresh fodder for discussion, with Gabriel being #1 offender today. But I have high hopes for tomorrow.
Yay! My friend Andrea is here visiting, through Monday. We got to be friends in high school, through the gymnastics team, then went to the same college. No accident, I pretty much followed her there (note to self: girls place a HUGE value on what their friends do!). We only overlapped a year at college, as she got married and moved to NYC. I was her maid of honor.
But we stayed friends and visited and wrote letters (on paper -- remember paper letters?!) as much as we could over the years, even though our lives were very different. She was married, then had two daughters. I was zooming around California on motorcycles. Then she divorced and started dating, but we never had happy relationships at the same time. If she was happy, I was getting over heartbreak. If I was in a good place with a guy, she was looking.
So it's nothing short of miraculous that somehow, our lives converged again. She remarried, and had a baby at age 43 (well, a few weeks shy). Andrea was the first person I called when I realized I too would have a baby at age 43. Our lives are still different in many ways, but we both live in the suburbs with husbands and toddlers, and both like to work out at the local Y!
She's here visiting after picking up her 16-year-old (younger) daughter from a summer program in San Francisco, and I'm thrilled that she and two of her three children can visit.
And here, in my own house, is one of my oldest and closest friends' son, Aaron (3-1/2), playing with my daughter this afternoon. It was unbelievably adorable, but even moreso, I absolutely marvelled that this could happen. We were giggly teenagers together, and here we are, 30 years later, watching our toddlers play. Katrina and Aaron made fast friends, though when the boys arrived, Aaron jumped right into running around like mad with them.
It's been a long time since my old friend and I have had more than a few hours together, so this is such an opportunity. I've already laughed more tonight than I will for months!
can you make a lego ship for me please? can you come here please? his [Gabriel's] is much more cooler and mine is just bad. thank you
Gabriel built a very cool battleship, and Julian is feeling jealous and like he can't make anything as cool. This is different from the usual fraternal fighting -- this is trying to live up to dominant older brother. It will affect him all his life -- starting with Lego creations.
One thing I didn't anticipate about nice newly painted walls is that kids like to run their fingers over the walls at all times, every time they walk through a hall, and especially if their fingers are black with dirt. The fingerprints and smears on the walls make this house look like it hasn't been painted in 20 years.
Yesterday as I was insisting the boys clean the walls, I commented that maybe I should electrify them so that they get a shock if they touch the walls. Gabriel replied sincerely, "You can't do that, Mom." "Oh YEAH? Why not?" He looked at me with that completely sincere and directed look, secure in knowledge, and said, "The walls aren't made of a conductive material."
Oh. Is that why.
OK, so he called my bluff. Rats. Julian was totally falling for it.
IS there a way to keep kids' filthy fingers off the walls??! Obviously empty threats aren't the way.
Changes are afoot....I'm so excited about my future MWF schedule that I'm already gearing myself and family up for it, preparing Dave especially to start thinking of MWF as sacred. Moreso, bracing myself for the challenge of plopping my sorry rear end in my chair at work at 8am, but scaling back on Tuesdays and Thursdays and shifting my exercise days to then (sniff, I really really like the MW Power Weights class but that is a sacrifice I have to make). Of course, with my tenuous work situation, it could soon turn into no days of work at all, but as we all know ad nauseum, I wouldn't exactly be heartbroken.
I've just changed the boys' swim classes from Fridays at 3:30 to -- get this -- Saturdays at 8am. Sounds like a horrible time, but really, it's great -- it doesn't conflict with anything!
Back to work, daycare/camp, commutes, dropoffs, pickups....it makes my 2 weeks at home with children actually seem like a vacation! Is full-time momming seeming more attractive now? Of course, my "full-time mom" days are arguably over anyway, with two in school. There's no such thing as a part-time mom, but it's still a lot different from being ON with toddlers and babies 24/7.
We decided today to move Katrina to TLC starting August instead of September. I hate to split with Tonya a month early, but we have to shift our daily schedules earlier. Kids need to get home, fed, bathed earlier -- so they have some home downtime, and, unfortunately, in a month, homework. The only way to make that happen is if Dave and I can sit down at our workdesks at 8am, and that can't happen if we're dropping off at 8:15 earliest, half an hour away from work.
Then starting September, provided I still have a job, I'll work only MWF, with longer workdays starting at 8am (it pains me to even type that). But then Tuesdays and Thursdays I'd have at home with Katrina, and I can take her to playgroups, activities, workouts, then pick up the boys from school and do things with them too. Library visits won't have to wait until the weekend. I can do household chores during the week and take pressure off the weekend, and maybe pick up some home projects I haven't been able to touch: sewing projects, arranging closets, framing photos. And life's logistics as well, like financial arranging for my dad.
Hmm...seems I have high expectations for productivity for 6 hours twice a week with a toddler in tow! Not to mention such a super-plum situation with work can't last long...but if I can pull it off for even a few weeks, I think I'll love it.
