5/27/2010 Pitch to

It was a super busy night again tonight. Julian had T-ball, Gabriel had to practice for his cricket presentation tomorrow, and I have to get ready for our camping trip tomorrow.

But I wasn't missing T-ball today. They're now taking the 'T' out, and moving to the next step: the coaches pitch to their own players. If the kids miss after 3 pitches, they get the tee back out. But this is great! Most of the kids can hit the ball with the bat, and most hit quite a bit better than off the tee. The fielders all have to move back farther, the catcher really has something to do now, and it seems like the whole game is energized. It's slower too, each "inning" takes longer, but it's a definite advancement.

I couldn't stay long, since the plan was that I'd bring Gabriel home during the game, and practice with him before his noisy siblings got home. But I did get to see one of Julian's at-bats. And he hit it way high and far, it was great!


Then he ran home. Right before I ran home.


What a sight. Our landscape designer strongly urged us to add landscape lighting, and we took his suggestions, all of which have been right. It's quite a sight from inside, seeing our new trees lit up.

But it makes me self-conscious. It's a little over the top. It's formal, it's elegant, it's ... wow. Almost too wow.

I guess I'll get used to it. Actually, unfortunately we don't have the lighting in our one private yard, that we'd see ourselves more often. That I'd really like, but somehow it didn't make it in. Ah well, remodeling the whole interior of the house taught me how to "get over" stuff; landscaping is much easier.

I'm off the air until Saturday -- taking the boys camping tomorrow, yippee! Pinnacles National Monument, here we come! After a hectic morning packing that is.

5/27/2010

Pets

We don't have any pets. This is purely practical: Dave and I both work full-time, and I haven't wanted to take on any extra care of other beings until the kids are old enough to contribute.

But I feel guilty about that, and feel some loss too. I always had dogs and cats growing up -- in New York City, no less! I loved having animals, it was a normal daily part of our lives. Somehow it all seemed easier then. But my kids -- nothing.

Today, Gabriel brought home a silkworm from his class. Each kid had their own silkworm and watched it go through the first few stages of life. I was really surprised at how enraptured Gabriel was with his silkworm, tenderly wrapping its paper house and mulberry tree leaves so it wouldn't get rained on. He even named it! "Scissors." Julian and Katrina were fascinated, and they all spent a lot of time watching this tiny hapless creature and talking about it. They all love the closest thing they've had yet to a pet.

Dave put it well a few years ago: "There is no void in our lives that needs to be filled right now." And it's true; we're already so on-the-edge, with so little margin for error, I can't imagine how we'd fit in an animal right now. (Ironically the time I spend blogging could easily be put to changing a litter box, but that's another story.)

Still, seeing how excited and happy the kids were with "Scissors" drives another stake of guilt through my heart, and breaks it just a little more. Childhood without pets? How can that be?!

5/25/2010 What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" This question dogged me as a child. Grownups always ask it. I never knew. For a while, I said "circus performer" because I liked the sparkly costumes and gymnastics feats. However, though I was hardly a wise or poignant child, somehow I knew I had no future as an athlete. (In fact, I really had absolutely no idea what I'd do with myself until almost my senior year in college.)

It's fun posing the same question to kids, though a piece of me recalls my own discomfort at being asked to make a career choice when I was mostly concerned with my next playdate (though we didn't call them playdates back then).

But alas, the sweet old days of "fireman" and "policeman" are past around here. It's not even that Gabriel has chosen a career path at this point, it's more like it's chosen him. Kids go through phases and change their minds (after all I'm no trapeze artist), but it's very very hard to imagine at this point that this 8-year-old -- my little boy who still sleeps with a teddy bear -- won't become an electrical engineer.


This is what he's holding up in the video. He produces 1 or 2 of these a day.



I'm not dooming him to the engineer's life, and I'll certainly encourage him to explore alternatives. And even if he does go the engineer route, I'll nurture other interests too, especially to help him facilitate a social life when he's older. I know many an engineer motorcyclist who lamented their inability to meet women within their primary interests -- in fact, I married one! But if wanted to knock him off this track, it'd be futile. I might just as well try to get his hair to lay flat.

5/25/2010

5/24/2010 Music Performance

Weeks ago, I knew a kindergarten music performance was coming up, because of a note attached to a T-shirt Julian came home with: "Please make sure your child wears this shirt on Monday May 24." At home, Julian was also singing a song in Mandarin again and again, practicing the gestures, talking about the song, and even learning to play it on the piano. "Mom, are you coming to the music performance??" he'd ask eagerly.

Gabriel, on the other hand....I'd ask, "Do you have a performance coming up too?" Shrug. "Are you practicing songs too?" "Yeah sorta....can I go out to play ball now?" Finally I looked it up in the newsletter and found that indeed, Gabriel had a music performance on the same day as Julian. 11:30 and 1:30. Great.

This is the sort of thing working parents must miss all the time, but somehow, I can't bear to. This is what having kids is about, and I know it means so much to them. Well, Julian at least. Gabriel hardly seemed to even know about it. So I really, really was looking forward to Julian's Mandarin song with all the gestures, but figured I should attend Gabriel's performance too, even though he didn't seem to care at all.

So I was bitterly disappointed when I arrived at 11:20 for what I thought was an 11:30 kindergarten performance -- that turned out to have started at 11:00...11?!

I did catch the whole kindergarten singing a goodbye song to the retiring principal (which I wanted to sing along with because I think he's sort of an ineffective nitwit).

(Julian is standing under the 'J' in the photo.)

But I was SO SAD!! I'd REALLY wanted to see Julian's songs, especially the one in Mandarin!

Another kindergarten mom told me that indeed, the time had changed at some point; I wasn't the only parent who got the time wrong. WAH! At least Julian saw me, and knew I was there for him, so that made me feel a little better. But I wish I'd seen his class's song!

I did make it to Gabriel's performance though. He hadn't said a thing about it, but it turned out he had a starring role as a bongo drummer for one song. I didn't catch video when he was actually supposed to be drumming, but you can see he enjoyed it.


(I have to wonder: do his music teachers pick up on his powerful musical connection, his perfect pitch, his uncanny ability to reproduce tunes and harmonize? I doubt it; they're probably just as harried as his regular teachers keeping him from distracting the class with fart sounds.)

To my surprise, Gabriel lit up when he saw me. He stopped and waved to me several times, which made me shrink back into the crowd. The music teacher had already admonished the parents that it's hard for the kids to perform when they're waving to parents.

But I learned that it means just as much to Gabriel as it does to Julian that I'm there. Gabriel hadn't even mentioned the performance, whereas Julian talked about it and practiced at home all the time. Yet both of them really wanted to see me there. My boys....so similar in some ways, so drastically different in others.

5/24/2010

5/23/2010 Today's tomorrow

This entire day has revolved around tomorrow. SO much to do, and much of it not done.

I'm taking the boys camping on Thursday, and Gabriel has his (thank HEAVENS) last book report due that day. This includes a diorama, an odious time-consuming job that I think adds very little to the learning. And for working parents with other children, it places a tremendous time burden on us. I was really really resentful of having to make our weekend work around this. But I couldn't blow it off; that's a far worse lesson to teach Gabriel. And I can't just let him take his licks by not doing it -- he's too young to be held accountable. He just doesn't care.

These projects can't be done by the kids by themselves -- they don't drive themselves to the library, plan a 5-week project around other family commitments, buy art supplies, know how to depict something a cricket needs to live. It requires heavy parental involvement, which I know is part of the intent of the project, an intent I object to and find almost insulting. So instead of baking cookies as I'd promised the boys, we worked.

It's not like we parents can't find fun things to do with our kids on their own. Some of them might even be educational. How about walking through WWII bombers, meeting war veterans and sparking discussion about what the planes were used for and what the war was about?

Like walking through a B-17. Up the ladder into the nose!


It's easy to wind around the ball turret when you're their size. (I had little trouble too though I did duck.)


The B-24 Liberator. Boys are immediately attracted to the machine guns of course.


A kind soul offered a group shot. I treasure this! Especially because I'm going to fly on the B-24 next year.

I hear it's quite a plane. It certainly looks odd in the sky, with its deep belly and almost comical tail fins. Getting to its nose is much more difficult than on the B-17. On the 17, you crouch; on the 24, it's strictly hands-and-knees through a narrow passageway to a cramped area in the front. And the bomb bay is tighter to squeeze through and twice as long. Even I had to turn to the side to get through it, and that's without wearing any flight gear or parachute. How did those guys do it?! However, I'll always have top respect for the hardy B-17 -- not as sexy or fast and didn't carry as high a bomb payload, but so rugged they somehow managed to get wounded airmen and wounded planes home far beyond expectations.

Massive cleanup tonight for the cleaners...I swear, after 3 weeks our house is teetering on being completely out of control with stuff EVERYWHERE. But we have no margin for error to tidy up during the week or other weekends. Not when the school decides we must spend quality time with our (one) child.

5/23/2010

5/21/2010 Kid Rock

Last month, I took Julian on a "Native Garden Tour," where a lady offered him to play on this "kid rock."


This morning, I arrived at 7:30am at a place that sells boulders, among other things, and picked one our very own kid rock.


It's not necessarily the most interesting rock from a landscaping perspective, but, practical me, my rear end picked it. Of all the rocks I sat on, this was the most sittable.

And this was about the most fun thing I did today. It's really been a rat race week. But I have a very exciting morning planned tomorrow, so that will make up for it.

5/21/2010

5/20/2010 Homework night

What an intensely frustrating night. Julian has his last homework packet, but it's not something he can do easily himself: writing a paragraph on what he learned in kindergarten, then writing and drawing the favorite part of a story. He needs guidance with writing and spelling, though usually he has no trouble with the ideas. Tonight we couldn't get him to get any of it together, and the homework became a huge ordeal.

Meantime, Gabriel had to redo homework from yesterday he hadn't finished: writing 3 milestones for 8 phases of his life each. That's completely impossible for a kid to do alone, and pretty hard for parents too! Does every parent remember milestones as I do? Not to mention the research report and daily math too.

So incredibly overwhelming and frustrating, all this busywork. I'm fine with schoolwork, really, but too much difficult schoolwork that assumes we're all sitting peacefully at home at 3:00 and enjoying a popsicle over our gingham tablecloth and can then easily slide into chatting about kid milestones. It's too much! I was at a snapping point tonight, so resentful that I couldn't enjoy my now-healthy toddler's sweet bopping around and playing, instead having to verbally whip the boys into concentrating on stupid boring schoolwork.

And not just for us; I'm sure Gabriel's teachers have really had it with him. Twice this week, notes about his disruptive behavior in social studies and in music. We're really really tired of the constant trouble he's in -- mostly minor stuff, mostly "boys will be boys" stuff, but disruptive and rude and unacceptable nonetheless.

3-1/2 more weeks of school. Never in my life have I been so anxious for summer!

5/20/2010

5/19/2010 Tag Team

Katrina had a low-grade temperature most of yesterday afternoon, so there was no way she was going to preschool today. I was a little relieved to have a solid reason to keep her home anyway -- she was really sick the night before last!

But Dave and I both needed to go to work today, so we traded home duty. I stayed with her until lunchtime, then Dave came home and I went to work. This worked pretty well, with the minor complication of Julian's T-ball practice at 5:30. The plan was that Dave would take Katrina and pick the boys up and take them to T-ball, but Katrina had other ideas.


She needed the nap! So I zoomed home from work, and "tagged" Dave again, for him to go bring the boys to T-ball. They were late, and Gabriel was stuck there too and wasn't home to do homework, making for a painful effort getting him to finish it around 8pm. He was tired and I hated enforcing something I don't entirely believe in anyway.

So today of all days would have been a good one to skip T-ball, especially since it was "just" a practice and not a game. But I really feel a strong commitment. This is a team sport, in an all-volunteer league. Our coaches invest so much time and effort in the kids, they deserve for us to at least show up! They also have full-time jobs and toddler daughters, and they never miss practice. I wish I could do more to contribute in fact.

I really, really like our T-ball coaches, they've been a very positive influence on the kids, and not just in baseball skills. I really do think Julian's "character," for lack of a better term, has developed as a result of this experience. He wants to please the coaches, he's really learned to listen to them and look to them for guidance, and he's had a wonderful introduction to the concepts of teamwork and sportsmanship. Yes, tonight the logistics were tough for us, but in the bigger picture, it was absolutely the right thing to do.

5/19/2010

5/18/2010 My Mom

In school, Gabriel's class had to write something about someone very special to them. His got started the week before Mother's Day, so clearly it was a very strong hint without locking in the few children whose primary caregivers might not be their mothers.

As usual, they had to write an outline and organize it with "many, first, next, then, clearly..." phrases -- structure that a kid like Gabriel uses absolutely literally and that will strangle his imagination for years, rather than extrapolating a basic framework from it. Then they write and "publish" a final version from the outline.

In any case, despite Gabriel's increasingly sloppy handwriting, I was able to make out some surprising statements. It's fascinating to see from a relatively objective viewpoint what your kid thinks of you, what he remembers about your time together. It might be very different than what you think -- or hope for!

My mother is special for many different reasons.
First, she assists me a lot. One of these things is to help me find paper whenever I need it.
Next, Mom and I do things together at home. We sure do a ton of baking!
Then, she teaches me a lot. My mother educates me with complex math.
Last, of course she loves me. She gives me lots of hugs and kisses.
Clearly my mother is very special (crossed out) important.

This is amusing and informative on numerous levels. Getting Gabriel paper so he can draw his incessant schematics is very, very, very important to him. I bought him a binder today to keep all his designs in -- that should rank up there!

Next, We don't bake that much together, we just don't have time. I love baking with all of them, but getting it all together to do so is much less frequent than I'd like. Yet, he remembers it. That's fascinating. (In other schoolwork in which he had to write what he liked about me, he remembered the few times we built tracks together -- that stood out far far above other things I'd done far far more often with him.)

Next, I teach him complex math?? I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Indeed, he talks all the time about electronics and some of the math behind it (e.g. today, "Mom, do you understand truth tables?"), and when we're baking I never hesitate to pose a problem to him ("what's half of 2/3?"). He has yet to ask me a math-related question in which I'm forced to say "I don't know, ask Dad," as I have to say all the time when it has to do with voltage or capacitance. Good thing for that graduate degree in computer science, or my 8-year-old would think I was a high-school dropout. OK, so I can help him with binary arithemetic now, but it'll only be a matter of a few short years before I haven't a prayer of answering his math questions.

But best for last. "She gives me lots of hugs and kisses." And this is completely true. I'm very demonstrative with him, perhaps even moreso since I know those days are numbered. As he approaches puberty, our physical relationship will necessarily change. Right now, I still own him, and can grab and hug and kiss him and cuddle with him and have him sit on my lap all I want.

I notice when I pick him up at CDC that I'm more rough-and-tumble than most Moms; like when I pick him up by one leg and carry him outside while he hollers and his friends howl in laughter, or when I pin him to the floor and tickle and kiss him, again eliciting guffaws from his friends. So I do tend to play physically with him, perhaps moreso than many Moms, and perhaps that's what that comment reflects. All Moms hug and kiss their kids of course! But this comment is surprising from Gabriel of all kids.

There will come a point that he won't want hugs and kisses from his wrinkled old (and short!) mother. But right now, it seems that means a lot to him, and that means so so much to me.

Katrina set a family record last night: 6 throw-ups, and all the baths, bedding and clothing changes that go along with that. She started around 11:00, and the last one was about 5am. She didn't even wake up for the last one; I heard her crying out and ran into her room and picked her up, and her head fell back, limp in my arms. I changed her bedding and PJs, wiped her off, and she collapsed back to sleep.

Dave and I were so tired from the numerous efforts (he'd bathe and dress her while I searched the house for more bedding and ran laundry) that we both stayed home from work today. This was nice actually; it's remarkable how different -- dare I say eays? -- life is when it's just us and one (mostly) sweet little girl. Indeed, she doesn't tantrum much when there aren't brothers around to impress! Then she developed a temperature this afternoon, so we're going to tag-team going to our jobs tomorrow.

5/18/2010

5/17/2010 Moving trees

Remember this beautiful, but misplaced, coral bark Japanese Maple tree, with the lovely red bark?


Well now, it's a beautiful and perfectly placed lace Japanese Maple tree, with lovely red leaves.


It can be trained to grow out and down, and not so much high. It's perfect there.

There's also a new lattice on the right side of the window. I had a lighter lattice in mind for there, but, no matter -- a vine will grow and block that whole expanse of siding anyway. Yay.

So where did the lovely coral bark tree go? Right in our backyard, where we'll see and enjoy it every day, along with some other plants.


Plants! Flowers! Greenery! Colors! This is stunning!

(So will our gardening bills...just like our house is too big for me to clean myself, now our yard is too diverse to take care of ourselves. I'm a little ashamed of that, but at least we're creating a job? Not that we'll be checking immigration status....)

Now it's starting to feel like this might actually get done someday. The only thing I'll miss is when we first arrive home, the kids are all excited to see what the landscapers did today. It was a truly magical moment the day we came home and found all the plants in the backyard, waiting to be planted. Now, every day the magic spreads out a little more as those plants find their way into the ground.

Other than that, today was absolutely exhaustingly draining. Boy I sure wish I could just walk in the door some days and just collapse, but kids need to be fed and do homework and cricket dioramas and have lunches made and tantrums thrown and be asked, told, ordered and then threatened to put lunches away....ok that's IT, this day must come to an end!

5/17/2010

5/16/2010 A lemon of a day

Today Julian and I went to a nearby nursery so I could find me a lemon tree! And a rosemary plant. There are some advantages of living in CA, and being able to grow lemons and rosemary in your yard are high up there.

It was also a lot of fun walking around looking at other plants too. I showed Julian how plants have botanical names and "English" names, and to look at the labels to see how much sun and water they need. There were so many lovely and fascinating plants there. I can't wait until the landscaping is done so that if I get a hankering for some sort of plant, I can just DO it!

He had been in a horrible mood before going, but this snapped him out of it and we had a great time together. I let him pick my dwarf Meyer lemon tree. He's holding the rosemary plant I chose, which is a different variety with wider leaves, that should be interesting.



Katrina...good grief. Massive tantrums this afternoon, resulting in - of all things -- a nap?! She hasn't done that in ages. We finally woke her up around 7pm. Incredibly, she still went to bed pretty much on time.


Ironically, our very very nice next-door neighbor stopped by this evening and gave us a bag of lemons from his own backyard tree! And these are good lemons.


I'm in lemon heaven toda!

5/16/2010

p.s. for those of you not on Facebook, a classic comment from Gabriel yesterday, when somehow my age came up in discussion. Here's the text from my FB post:

Noemi Berry Doudna breaks it to my 8yo son: "I'm probably older than most of your friends' moms, you know. You have an old Mom." "Yeah..." he ponders, "thing is, you're so SHORT!"

That is a direct quote! As they say in the FB world, I was LMAO for about 10 minutes after that!

5/15/2010 For Remi

Cousin Remi is famous for her body art and love of drawing all over herself. I don't know if she still does this, but today, Katrina took a chapter from her cousin's book.

The difference is, Remi probably didn't throw a big tantrum after a scrubby soapy bath and cry that she was clean! (But then, Remi's never been a tantrumer; she expresses herself in far more subtle and clever ways.)

Not that Katrina really cared about being clean, she was just looking for a reason to tantrum. Not that she needed one -- all 3 kids were on sleepover last night, and while the boys have mostly outgrown the grumpiness that follows sleepover nights, Katrina hasn't. By 6pm tonight, she was a time bomb and looking for trouble.

She had a good day overall, as did we, staying home after a T-ball game and mostly doing necessary stuff in the yard. There's only so much of that I can take, but I sure am glad our storage shed is cleaned out, and I finally got some extra kitchen drawers installed. Though our landscaping is still weeks from being done, it's positively heavenly working out there now when we know we're not fighting futility, and soon the biggest project will be "hmm, where should I plant my lemon tree?"

By the way, that shirt Katrina is wearing is one of my favorites, and we've had it for years. I got it and another tie-dye kids' shirt at an Art & Wine Festival one summer, and their color hasn't faded in the slightest. I'm not big on the hippie look -- I had enough of that in high school -- but, I love this bright shirt.

Gabriel in September 2005 (age 3-1/2):


Julian in October 2008 (age 4-1/2):


Now that's a hand-me-down!

5/15/2010

5/13/2010 Busy Wednesday

But it's Thursday!

Yesterday we had a T-ball game. I wish I could have watched more, but Katrina made a point of distracting everybody.


When we got home, our new arbor (!) was very distracting too. Oooh!


Then out for coffee with friends. A nice dip back into my real life, the one that matters. Today, regrettably, was dominated by my work life, the one that doesn't matter as much. Though I'm strangely compelled by it.

5/13/2010

5/11/2010 Kid Rock

Some weeks ago, Julian and I did an open garden tour, in which people open up their yards and gardens to the public, ones that feature California Native plants.

I made sure Julian stayed on walkways, but at one place, a kind lady pointed out a big rock to him. "See that rock there? We put that there for my granddaughter, who's just about your age. It's a kid rock. Go ahead, play on it!" And he did. Who knew a big old boulder rock could be such fun.


And now, we have our own rocks in our landscape. Julian immediately called them "kid-rocks," though none of them are really big enough to qualify, but that didn't stop him and his siblings from climbing on them.

They're more than fun, they're very very eye-catching, since they introduce new levels and texture to the landscape. I love looking at them.

In order not to interfere with the flow of the project, nor to introduce any contract/pricing complications, I'm keeping my custom requests to a minimum. This includes the plants, which on the whole are not as California-native-y as I'd like. For matters of function, like screening our neighbor's clothesline, I do make direct requests, but for a general planting area, I'm giving the designer free rein.

After all, there's a reason we have a professional doing this -- because I don't know anything. I might even develop a fondness for the flax plants (the spiky purply plants, like the one behind the far boulder in the photo below), that I'm overall not crazy about.


But what a fun problem to have, after so many years of a rough, barely-controlled, eyesore of a yard. "Hmm, I think I'd like a sticky monkey flower there!" And I have a place to go plant one, that's irrigated and isn't surrounded by major projects staring at me from every angle.

Our landscaping is still a long ways off from done, but having so much less darned lawn (in fact none at all right now), gives the kids so so much more to do. Julian and Katrina spent quite a bit of time sweeping under the future arbor last weekend.


And Gabriel, never the gushiest of people in the world, does a lot of gazing out the window now at the variety of plantlife and trees. "This landscaping is really pretty Mom!"

Still, I think we need to find a spot for a nice big kid-rock.

5/11/2010

5/10/2010 School photos

And to think, I almost didn't shell out $20 per kid on "spring" photos at school. I hate how we end up feeling guilted into this twice a year. One portrait at the beginning of school and the class photo is enough. Yet, I can never resist more photos. Since, you know, I just don't have enough of these children.

These are SO dorky they cross over into adorable!

And this unexpected treat from Katrina's school for Mother's Day. This is really a sweet shot. It doesn't really look like Katrina, but I love how she's looking off to the side, the flowers in the background, and a very natural smile.


5/10/2010

5/8/2010 Landscape progress

T-ball and ice-skating morning, single parent. Whee! Drop-off at ice-skating, drop-off at T-ball, pickup at ice-skating, pickup at T-ball, then back to the same mall where the skating rink is to buy shoes.

T-ball never fails to delight however.




Team photos arrived! HOW CUTE. Love it.


Plants are going in!! Still lots of carpentry and work to do, but...plants are going in!


Now you just want to sit and gaze outside.


I love this beautiful Japanese Maple, but I'm not sure about its location right in front of this window. It's in the design, it's a perfect tree for that area, it gives the screening we need for that huge window. But now that it's there, I keep wanting to move it to the left a few feet. Especially from the inside of the house, it needs to block the angled view from the driveway, not the straight-on view. From the outside, the tree distracts from the very central aesthetic element of the window.

I'll talk to the designer about it.

Overall, I'm stunned. Our property looks completely different with plants and trees and landscaping. I mean it -- never has a transformation been so dramatic. Paradise has descended upon our little corner of suburbia.

5/8/2010

5/7/2010 Mom's Day Tea

Today I had a very important appointment -- and I'm not talking about my 8:30 conference call and WebEx with engineers in Boston and Denver, nor the 10:00 project management meeting I was supposed to run. I'm talking about the 11:30 Mother's Day Tea that Julian's class put on. I finished out the Webex, cancelled the 10:00, and ditched two Ops technicians who'd escalated a problem. My 11:30 appointment could not be missed.

It was very sweet; they had all done a poster and a card, and had snacks and tea and lemonade. Julian's card said that he loves me because I make him laugh, which I just loved. (It's true, I love making him laugh with silly notes in his lunch, like "yesterday I forgot your note -- that makes me a goat!" He loves those. Seems I have a talent for 6-year-old-level humor.)


Julian persuaded me to take him home with me after his Tea; I was planning to go home anyway after the Tea because I felt horrible today (still do). Time alone with one of them is quite precious, so I agreed. I hung on while running a few errands with him, then we went home where I pretty much lay down the rest of the afternoon. But even if I was completely bedridden all day, I'd still have made it to the Tea.

Dave's in L.A. this weekend, welcoming Laura HOME!

5/7/2010

5/6/2010 SB 1381

SB 1381 -- a proposed law in California that would move the kindergarten cutoff date back from Dec. 2nd to Sep. 1st. That is, a child must turn 5 by Sep. 1st to start kindergarten that year.

Can they please, please PLEASE wait a year?! Believe it or not, I'm planning to register Katrina for kindergarten in 10 months. But if they move the cutoff date back, with her Oct. 5th birthday she'd have to wait another year. Instead of being among the youngest in the class, she'd be among the oldest, turning 6 just a few weeks into her kindergarten year.

How does this affect parents planning for pre-K in the fall? For us, it doesn't exactly matter since she's in childcare full-time anyway, but other parents don't put their kids in preschool until pre-K. That's a lot of planning -- and now is the time to plan for pre-K. But you can't plan for pre-K if you can't plan for K.

I really don't need to worry about this right now....oh I hope this law holds off for 11 more months. The preschool world is very sweet, but another year and a half is plenty -- not another two and a half years. And having her another grade behind will affect us for years.

5/6/2010

5/5/2010 The Jungle

Look what's appeared in our backyard today!!


This surely indicates that the landscaping project is in its final stages. Plants are here! There's still a lot of carpentry and cleanup to do (arbors, gates, fences), but the hardscaping and irrigation are almost done, and that's the big stuff. I can't believe it: no more neighborhood eyesore!!

Gabriel has turned a new developmental milestone. This is one I really can't be that happy about, as it's really a step toward puberty. My little boy! Are you ready for this? He smells. SMELLS! Like, smelly pits. He needs deodorant!! It seems he's inherited the "Doudna smell" that only in-laws notice. Dave's family never used deodorant, and while they weren't offensive, they were noticeable. Dave too had an introduction to Speed Stick when we first got together, and is now well below the socially acceptable threshhold. And now it seems Gabriel has inherited this tendency. My 8-year-old smelly-pits boy!

Mr. Smelly Pits continues to raise the bar for the sort of trouble he gets into at school. Today he lost recess and had to write a sentence 25 times, and got a note home to us too. He was defiant and unrepentant when we talked to him about it, angry at the consequences (no dessert until he gets 4 cat stamps on his daily behavior contract). As usual with Gabriel, applying consequences only escalates the situation, and he was difficult and resistant every step of the way tonight.

"Gabriel, please go set the table now."
"Why don't you just set the table yourself?" (twice)

"Gabriel, what's this about inappropriate language in school?"
"Don't you KNOW what 'inappropriate' means?!"

"Why am I not allowed to punish *you*?"

In the end, he got it in the end...the rear end. And after hours of struggle and making everyone miserable, he finally, finally broke down and dropped the defiant attitude. I wish it didn't have to come to that, but after it's done, I wish we'd done it hours earlier. I'd love to see a positive-parenting supernanny tackle him with timeouts and redirection. Good luck to that one.

All this coming off one of the most disturbing nightmares I've ever had. I recognize these as migraine-related, but the hours of blues that follow are very very real. I was in a small apartment in a city for some reason, with Gabriel, and some horrible trauma occurred that killed him and spread gore all over the apartment. I was paralyzed with shock, muted by grief, unable to cry hard enough in my horror. I'd just lost Gabriel and the world was a black, sick, toxic place. I stumbled outside and tried to put myself in a garbage can, then noticed a friend and thought he wouldn't understand.

A litany of thoughts about myself, my identity flew through my mind.
I'm no longer a mother of three.
I'm no longer a mother of two boys.
I no longer have an 8-year-old boy.

Massive identity crisis on the heels of the greatest loss my psyche could ever suffer. But mostly, I pictured Gabriel happily bopping along, kicking a soccer ball or sitting and humming while he draws a circuit diagram, feeling his presence so closely, and then heartbroken and devastated to the core that this bright light, this powerful energy, was gone from my life. It was too much to bear or think of, and I felt like my body would break in two.

I woke up with a start and didn't realize right away what had happened. All I knew was complete, overwhelming, crushing horror. I looked around my room and slowly started to understand: it was only a dream. A horrible, devastating, tragic dream, with all the tar and desolation still oppressing me. The rescue let relief seep in, but little joy. I had just experienced the worst possible thing that could ever happen, and there was no joy in that.

Seriously shaken, I stumbled out of bed to go to my son. I held his hand and looked at his face and listened to him breathe with tears streaming down my face. He was there. He was alive and just as strong and real as ever. Thank God.

But the near miss had me blue and on the verge of tears all day. He was never more than a thought or two away, and I was anxious to see him again after work, and be near him and feel his life and energy. And I felt it all right, in full force, with his defiant rudeness, his defensive stance, his impudence and verbal aggression. But that's Gabriel, always just barely reasonable, willing to take on a fight if it proves his point -- or even if it doesn't.

Perhaps it's because of his super toughness that I'm so intensely attached to him. Perhaps it's because of that toughness -- he doesn't need much from other people emotionally, including me, but he does need me. Perhaps it's because of just how much I need him. It's not just my world that would fall apart without him -- the world would fall apart without him.

And now, let's hope for a better day tomorrow, for Mom's heart, and for Gabriel's teacher's sanity. Gabriel will be just fine.

5/5/2010

5/4/2010 Sandwich Set

Julian and Katrina raided the garage for put-away toys, and found this adorable "sandwich set," a gift from Laura and Ryan some years ago. I don't know why preparing food is such a fun game, but Julian loved it when he was a toddler, and now Katrina loves it too.

This kept her busy while we waited for Dave to bring home our take-out dinner. This is rare for us, but I had an extra incentive. Today was a Community Day, sponsored by the "Their Future Is Now" grass-roots campaign to raise money to save 115 teachers' jobs in our school district next year. I'm not optimistic this will succeed, but I'm impressed at the enthusiasm and tenacity shown by the parents behind it. So it's really the least we can do to do take-out on Community Day, and Baja Fresh will contribute 20% of what we spent there to the campaign.

So while I got a pass on preparing food tonight, Katrina was playing food!

5/4/2010