Some friends of Dave's started a tradition of taking him to Benihana for his birthday in college. I've been so-so about maintaining that tradition, but I wasn't going to miss it this year -- finally, the kids are old enough that it's not a major pain to bring them, or have to get a sitter. We've taken them to Benihana one other time, and they all said they loved it, and got a kick out of the chef's tricks.
Tonight my goal also was to give Dave a birthday card -- but not just any card. A birthday card that tells him that his gift this year is a weekend performance driving school, at a track north of San Francisco. Two friends have done this before, and are signed up this year too, but Dave is always reluctant to leave me with the kids on my own for the weekend. So I gave him a BIG shove, in the form of a registration for the event and a hotel reservation -- all he needs is to pre-tech his car, make sure he's got a helmet they'll accept, and then he can blast away around the track! (Oh yeah and decide if his tires will cut it or if it's time for new tires.)
Opening his card before dinner.
The egg rooster and onion volcano are always a big hit.
The boys were so-so on eating the actual food tonight, but they were very excited about ice cream afterward. I wasn't excited about staying at the restaurant any longer than we had to, so Dave took the boys to Safeway to buy ice cream, after dropping me and Katrina off at home where we got ready. She set the table and had everything all ready for ice cream and sat patiently waiting for the guys to get home with the goods!
Our birthday evening summed up in cards.
Dave's actual 44th birthday is Tuesday Oct. 19th, but this was a fine way to kick it off!
The boys are at the CDC tonight, for "Carnival Night." It's a Parents Night Out thing, with classic games like bean bag toss, balloon pop, Knock The Clowns, ways of winning tickets to earn prizes and such.
Worked perfectly, because it turns out a friend is in town from the East Coast, and I finally picked up on a major hint to invite her and her local sister and her husband to dinner. Oh goody! I get to make grownup dinner!
And without the boys in the picture. I do love my sons, but they can make life very unpleasant for all. Katrina, on the other hand, might not do as well at a Carnival Night thing until 10:30, and she's actually pretty fun and cute to have around. Dave put her to bed between dinner and dessert, and for once, all worked out as planned.
Speaking of planning, I shopped and did most of the cooking the day before, picking dishes that could be made ahead of time and reheated. That worked really, really well. I also made dessert the day before, picking up on how Food Network shows always make the dessert first. Which is my preferred order anyway.
I'm especially proud of my Lemon Tart. This turned out absolutely perfect! It's my first tart. (Pictured with the recipe behind it, from the Williams-Sonoma Pie and Tart book.)
I bake a lot, but not pies or tarts since they don't travel well and are harder to serve to a random group of people. Most of my baking is in pre-cut things that can be eaten without a plate and fork, so this was a nice departure. And a perfect grownup dessert -- light and tangy and pretty to look at.
Oh dear, the boys are home now and Julian is shouting threats in his little-boy voice, "You'll be sorry Dad, you'd better give me back my ball!" Well, it was a very nice evening. And there's still some lemon tart left -- I'm on my way!
I love Ina Garten. Not just her recipes and calm style, but her emphasis on making things ahead so you can enjoy a party.
Tomorrow, we're having some grownup guests for dinner, so tonight I did the Ina thing: getting things ready in advance. Turns out, that's still a lot of work! I made Chicken with Forty Cloves of Garlic (Ina), Moroccan Couscous (Ina), Kale with Balsamic Shallots (brother-in-law Ryan), and a Lemon Cream Tart (Williams-Sonoma). I also bought bread and a salad (TJ, TJs!), and have the fixings for an attractive tasty appetizer of mini-crackers, brie and hibiscus flowers (friend's food blog, Cook.Play.Explore.)
Though tonight was a lot of work, it was also a lot of fun cooking because the element of stress is removed -- it doesn't have to be done in the next 35 minutes. I did enjoy pulling everything together, finding ways of keeping it simpler, and basking in the wonderful smells from the kitchen -- the roasting vegetables for the couscous were so good! It's really time to revive my food blog.
Tomorrow night is good timing: the boys have Carnival Night at the CDC and will be out of the picture. We'd planned on a quiet evening with just Katrina, and will still have that -- only with more grownups and more wine, and a whole lot of good food!
Since Burn Notice doesn't start new episodes until November, I have to get my bogus- Hollywood-overdone-spy-story fix some other way. The Bourne series of movies started OK with "The Bourne Identity," disappointed with the sequel "The Bourne Supremacy," and now the tiebreaker will be "The Bourne Ultimatum." Usually Hollywood-type thrill movies are barely tolerable, but these are slightly above that.
The first movie was redeemed by Franka Potente, who played his funky girlfriend (made much more ordinary in her brief appearance in the 2nd movie). She starred in a truly good offbeat German movie Run Lola Run. Too bad she's not in the 3rd Bourne movie, but I'll just have to suffer watching Matt Damon instead.
Rare to be thinking "movie" on a weeknight, but, I need it.
Dave and I had back-to-back 20 minutes with Julian's teacher, then Gabriel's teacher. I was mortified that part of Julian's conference involved discussing Gabriel's behavior. Unfortunately, their classrooms are near each other, so Gabriel comes over and messes around in front of Julian's class in the mornings -- despite strict instructions to go straight to his own classroom. Julian's teacher has had to order him away, as recently as last week. ~FUME~.
Anyway, overall Julian's doing fine. His main issue is concentrating in class; he's Mr. Social and talks to people and doesn't get his work done. Unlike his older brother, he responds to measures his teacher takes, mostly missing recess or free-play time to complete his work. Julian hates that, so improves quickly. His teacher confirmed things we already knew about Julian (we didn't ask, she volunteered): he loves to read, his reading is excellent, and he's very interested in anything having to do with science. He resists writing and coloring, the latter of which I don't worry about, but the writing....he's going to have to step that up.
On to the 3rd grade classroom. Quite the contrast. Gabriel's teacher doesn't have the luxury of merely withholding recess to get him to re-think his behavior. He's doing a lot better than in the beginning of the year, but the standards of independence and good behavior are much higher in 3rd grade. Like us, she believes Gabriel could be doing much better especially in math, which he claims to like but messes up a lot with sloppy erratic work. He drags his heels about writing and does the bare minimum, even though she believes (and I agree) he's actually a very good writer. He does the bare minimum for much of his work, including for things that she knows he's capable of doing much better. Lately in class she's been putting together competitive teams, and Gabriel responds well to that. Classroom behavior and transitions, he's bottom of the barrel. She warned us that he really needs to get over that for 4th grade, when there will be 30 kids in the class. He has his moments of shining bright, and others of falling flat. She even suggested putting together a behavior contract again to gather information to consult the district's psychologist.
Even more than what the teachers say, I come away struck by how different I feel in each meeting. In the meeting with Gabriel's teacher, much experience has taught me to brace myself, to prepare myself for cringing, for thinking of ways to improve matters, against all odds. In Julian's meeting, it's a relative breeze. He's much easier to guide and correct, and he really cares about his schoolwork, despite the distraction from socialization. Even though Julian is one of the kids in her class that requires a fair amount of energy ("Boys!" the teacher chuckled), it's downright amusing next to the serious challenges that Gabriel poses. And there is a long-running pattern with Gabriel's resistance, starting in kindergarten. Gabriel, for all his talents, has such a strong independent personality and is so immune to social pressures and intimidation that's it's very hard to make small corrections that any 3rd-grader needs. Julian is much more responsive and able to consider consequences.
I've already started getting nervous about how to handle all three kids in school next year, but something tells me that teacher conferences for Katrina will be a total ray of sunshine.
Gabriel finished his homework and reading at the CDC today, and was happy to have some playtime at home.
To my surprise, he spent it playing piano. Just before dinner, he bounced in to tell me excitedly that he'd finished a song -- not only the music, but the lyrics too. He couldn't wait to show me, and did so after dinner.
The tune is a blues one that he's known, and the lyrics are based on the childhood taunt "Jack and Ja-ane sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." But still, I'm proud of him that he put this together and practiced it -- and performed the singing too! Even when I went through my own piano obsessions as a kid, I never ever composed anything or sang to it. (Frankly I don't think his future lies in vocals but I saw no reason to point that out.)
Interestingly, he turned on the piano's metronome while playing. "That's my drummer," he explained matter-of-factly. Well, lucky kid -- so happens he has an uncle who's a drummer. It is SO time for these guys to jam together. "Jam? What's that?" asked Gabriel. Wow, it really is time.
Katrina's birthday was a LOT of fun. All the invitees were from her preschool class, plus one special longtime friend from Las Madres. There was a turnout of about 9 kids, which is plenty party!
Timing was perfect. By the time everyone had arrived and basically settled, the birds had arrived too. First, we got to meet Gordon inside, and watched him do a few tricks. Katrina is not at all afraid of horses but shrieks at dogs -- how would she do with birds? Turns out, pretty well.
While we'd been inside meeting Gordon, the real bird show got set up outside, and we came out to see a small stage and the performers perched behind it.
Our simple new deck and patio worked great as a new mini-amphitheatre!
So, we talk about the birds, let them talk, watch them make silly faces and twist their heads around. One bird opened a soda can that Katrina held, and she got to feed the bird out of her hand. She was cautious but very engaged -- just a litle scared enough not to be enthusiastic, but keenly interested. No nudging needed to participate either.
The people who run the bird show know their business -- it's a family affair, and the more photos proud moms can get of her little buggers with birds on them, the happier Mom will be and the more Mom will gushingly recommend the show. Sounds cynical, but in fact, I like such practical realities.
So, the bird-lady wisely got Katrina's brothers involved. One brother was all over it.
The other...no.
Then we got to see parrot tricks. What are the odds these guys have ended up on David Letterman at one point? It's adorable. Zachary rides a bicycle
Yakky sings Clementine...apparently she's been all over national TV, including the Tonight Show. The couple that runs Happy Birds also does bird rescue, so maybe that's how Yakky came to them. This was really pretty remarkable!
Yakky sings Rock-a-bye birdie
Then this cockatoo gave kisses to everyone, starting with that super-sweet gooshy-wooshy pussycat softie, my son Gabriel.
All 3 kids got to feed Zach after a scooter run.
Time for some photo-ops with the birds. I was amazed at how cooperative Katrina was, though I could tell she was a little concerned.
Every kid got a photo-op with a bird -- lots of photo-ops built into the program!
Even Julian finally relented.
Now time for a photo-op with all 3, if we can. Rare for us to get all three, and even rarer all cooperating, looking up, no one blinks or picks their nose. But even if you get that, you'll still have some horrible screen or gas meter in the background.
Mom and Dad had a chance too -- this is a really rare good shot of us! Dave's actually smiling, for real, and looking at the camera!
After the bird show, it was time for food, drink, and, of course, cake. It looks ordinary on the outside, but I made it special on the inside: rainbow cake!
In the end, I think what Katrina loved best about her party was having so many other little girls her age to play with. She played somewhat with the boys too, but even the littler boys were having a hard time resisting the pull of the nonstop boy-behavior of the older boys. Seeing her in here with 3 other friends was really sweet. Later, she said to me, "Mommy, I want another party so I can have more FRIENDS!"
Later as it was getting time to leave, Katrina and two other friends found another way to play, by dashing across the lawn. Fascinating to watch 4-year-old girls all very close in age run, they're all so different. Katrina's not nearly as clumsy as she used to be, but in watching her and two other girls sprint across the lawn, I'm struck at how less efficient she is. Not that she can't learn, and it's fine if she never does, but I don't see anything in her movement that would suggest a future in track. She was having so much fun though, this simple running game that she does with her brothers all the time, but this time with peers. Good for her.
The only downside to this party was Katrina's annoying brothers. They followed her constantly, were in her face, grabbing any toy she was holding, hyping her up and completely dominating her attention and chasing away her actual friends. They were very uncooperative when I told them to move away, and they got sent to their rooms several times (which means I had to chase them up there and angrily threaten to lock them in). It's annoying and embarrassing. It'd have been nice if they could just be there in the background, but no, since it was at their home, and they're older stronger louder and faster than most of the kids, they became powerfully possessive of their sister's attention.
Thankfully the bird show settled them down, though playing after the show, Gabriel made Katrina cry (at her own party!) by taking a toy away and laughing while he ran off with it and she tottered along behind, tears streaming down her face, crying, "Gabriel! That's MINE!" I was furious at him for that, and he spent the rest of the party in his room. Next year, no older boys at her party, especially not her brothers. I'll make it the foofiest princess party possible where they won't want to be anywhere near it. And you know, I might enjoy that too!
Last night was spent getting ready for Katrina's party, even though yesterday afternoon I had a slight temperature and my usual accompanying chest congestion was hitting hard. So of course today my voice is challenged -- not lost, but raspy and needs jump-starting and forcing, and as usual will take weeks to recover completely.
I really needed to relax last night, but I couldn't bear to give up on making a rainbow cake for Katrina's party. I did compromise and use a mix though. (Later it hit me that "rainbow" is a great party theme, if only I'd thought of it in time!)
So, I'll try to catch up on the party -- overall a smashing success -- tomorrow. A few photos, and then, bed.
One very very happy little girl today, and her friends too!
Unsafe to post anything real, but I'm exhausted from boat-rocking and doing a poor Norma Rae imitation today.
Why can't I learn to kiss *ss and keep my mouth shut, and set aside personal principles for the good of others? How can I even think to risk other people's livelihoods for my own idealogical beliefs of right and wrong? Why can't I suck up and take orders for the greater good? Why can't I dig deep and find some acting skills and control my window-like face that reveals every thought I have, especially when someone else's rear end is on the line? Why can't I detect the sensitivities and nuances in people's interactions and carefully control peoples' perceptions of my words? Why is my adherence to the straight blunt truth so dogged, even when it directly harms people I respect and want to protect? Can I learn to control my emotions, compartmentalize, look outside the box, and act on what's truly important, to me and to people I care about? Some people are willing to sacrifice greatly for a cause, even at the expense of their family. I never thought I'd be like that, but my inability to set aside my deep distraction on Katrina's birthday says I am.
These are not things that typical Silicon Valley engineers have to ask themselves about their work environments.
I suppose that in the end someday, I will be a better person for having exploring these dark depths, for having asked myself some very difficult questions, for being forced to face my worst weaknesses and having to clarify my priorities. It's extraordinarily difficult to reconcile basic guiding principles of right and wrong with harming people, and their families, who I like and respect and who've risked a great deal already on my behalf. It's almost worse than a Supreme Court nominee's confirmation proceedings.
I had a remarkable moment today in all this though. As I was concluding a long gripe to my mother on the phone, and feeling better, I looked down at a tearful Katrina, wiped her eyes, gave her a hug and a glass of milk "to make me stop crying." As my own mother was comforting me, I was comforting my own daughter. It didn't answer the questions, but it made them all go away.
Katrina was very excited about her birthday today! I had planned long ago to do a little mini-party at her preschool. I was ready promptly at 3:05, as instructed by Miss Amanda (Katrina's teacher, and previously Julian's teacher), with mini-carrot cakes. What a happy, proud girl, enjoying being the center of attention.
Nothing like sharing some birthday carrot cake with your friends (and very pregnant teacher, she's due with her 2nd boy in just a few weeks).
I brought Katrina home, where we called Bonne Maman. I'm really starting to hate my speakerphone, it's so hard to hear anyone, let alone the high-pitched little voice of a giggling 4-year-old. But we tried.
I'm glad we opened this present with Bonne Maman on the phone, because we ran out of time in the evening to open other presents, so I'm glad she got one. And she loved it!
Couldn't be persuaded to take off the brown polka-dot corduroy pants though.
Later in the evening, cake #2 (bought). Have to have a celebration with the family!
Or part of it. Julian had been sent to his room for persistent rudeness -- and he knew that birthday cake was at stake but wouldn't let up -- and my tummy wasn't up to it tonight (very odd for me). But she still giggled her way through the Happy Birthday song, and even sang it herself too.
The rest of the day has nothing good at all to say, so I'm glad Katrina and her excitement about her birthday was there to rescue it.
This morning, Katrina said, "It's my birthday! Now I'm going to be FIVE!"
It's a big day tomorrow, and someone is very excited!! (That would be me of course.)
In preparation for a Facebook profile photo change, I did a little photo session tonight, of the "hold your arm out and hope for the best" sort, with Katrina. She was happily willing and thought the whole thing was very funny, so these joyful faces are genuinie. I thought I'd decided on this last one to use for the FB profile, but seeing them in thumbnail, I think I like the first one better. Katrina looks adorable in every photo, but closeups and profiles for the pushing-50 set....ugh...just as well not seen.
I could look at her sweet face all day long though. This is the New Katrina: cheerful, funny, joyful, full of bright lively chatter, happy about everything.
Today my boss's boss came down on my immediate boss because of me, partly because I "declined" (that's a Microsoft Outlook term) a proposed meeting for tomorrow afternoon. The fact that I'd blocked out tomorrow afternoon on my work calendar weeks ago is of no consequence -- why fret about silly logistical details like that? Why indeed, if things like prior scheduled commitments are of any concern, then naturally the reason I didn't answer his call at my desk this morning (another reason to come down on my hapless boss) is of no concern either. The fact that I was already on a conference call and Webex, at my desk, with engineers in Boston and Denver is of no matter. Why let reality get in the way?
This sort of thing makes me dig my heels in even more about keeping my outside-work commitments. The irrationality is so high that now I absolutely will not consider missing passing cupcakes (actually mini-carrot muffins) out to Katrina's class and singing Happy Birthday at 3:05 tomorrow. It's on my calendar, and more importantly, it's on hers.
I took Katrina to a birthday party today for a classmate whose birthday is one day before Katrina's. Jules and Katrina play together a fair amount at school, and I really like Jules' mom.
Katrina is characteristically hesitant at these things at first, but then she was ALL over it! It brought a lump to my throat to see her laughing and smiling and jumping constantly. I noticed she didn't interact directly with any other kid, but was joining in the fun anyway. It's so satisfying as a parent to see your child competely happy and having a great time. Grabbing the edge of the parachute and jumping up and down flapping it brought peals of laughter from the whole group. Birthday girl in the middle! Make those balls jump!
Then get as silly as possible with your own balls.
This party was at an inconvenient time tonight, but SO worth it. I just love seeing Katrina participating and playing and shouting and laughing and singing and just being a regular delightful kid.
There are few things I'd rather do on weekends -- or ever -- than shop, but today it was a necessary evil.
And not so bad -- I took Katrina to a toy store to pick out a birthday present for a classmate who's turning 4 one day before Katrina does. I figured it'd make picking something for her birthday easy -- whatever she picks for her friend and fawns over, I could surprise her with.
That plan failed completely when she instead played with much younger toys that were all boy-sorts of things: a parking garage, a rocket ship, a train set. Not that I mind getting her boy toys at all, but we already have so many.
As we were leaving, suddenly she cried out "Ooh Mommy, LOOK!" and rushed toward a display I hadn't seen yet,of jewelry and music boxes. Perfect! Which one would she pick up?
But no, instead, there was yet another baby toy with wheels that happened to be parked in front of the music box display, and she went right to it and pushed it around and laughed about the "snapping" alligators. You can see the clothes she picks for herself aren't particularly princess-y either. Not that I need to push the girly-girl thing on her, but when it comes to birthday shopping, it'd open up a lot of options.
In the end, I decided to try to find her a stuffed horse that stands up -- now that's a girl thing I'm all over!
When we got home, she was a bird again.
Our family room sofa situation is awful and worsening. The awful ancient slipcover is disintegrating, and I don't want to spend one cent on a new one. It's really really really time for a new couch there. Usually emergency shopping is for more milk, not major pieces of furniture, but this afternoon, I went emergency-shopping for a couch.
I took the boys to a huge furniture store I've been to before, that has vintage pinball machines that work. They barely turned their heads while I worked on the finer points of legs, fabrics and arm styles. (And didn't order anything, decisions tomorrow.)
And tonight, I ordered Halloween costumes. Turns out, HalloweenCostumes.com has much the same things as on eBay -- but right away, for sometimes less money, and without the uncertainty of winning an auction. The boys both want to be Star Wars characters: Anakin and Luke Skywalker.
Katrina's already settled on being a clown, with a costume we already have (actually, a $7 eBay find that Julian used when he was 4) -- but my heart stopped when Gabriel said, "Wouldn't it be great if Katrina was Princess Leia?" Oh my GOSH, the cute factor would be over the top -- and that's one Princess I could stand!
But having Halloween costumes settled is one accomplishment I'm not messing with. I'm done shopping.
