10/20/12 Black-and-white

I still haven't done my due diligence finding out what a "Tuxedo" cat means, but it does get me to thinking about other animals that are known for being black-and-white: pandas, penguins and skunks.

Meow-stache's markings continue to fascinate me. It seems every day I find some another unusual pattern on her. One of her oddest markings is this little splash of white on her back -- not quite enough to call it a "stripe," but it's still there.

This kitty is so funny -- she scurries away and acts fearful when there's activity around, and when the kids are around, there often is -- but she seeks it out more too. She tends to appear around me a lot more than Zorro -- in fact, as I write, she's snoozing on a chair just a few feet away. Last I saw Zorro though, he was hanging around on Gabriel's bed.

Katrina has also made peace with Meow-stache, and spends a lot of time just looking at her quietly when it's peaceful. Thank goodness there are enough cats to go around!

Beautiful as my two Tuxedos are, we've totally scored on their inner beauty as well!

10/20/12

10/17/12 Settling in

Six days, and you'd think they owned the place.

Ahem, that's my desk -- but you can have my lap!

10/17/12

10/16/12 Stepping Out

Today I tried letting the kitties out of the one room they've been in for a few days. They'd gotten comfortable enough in there, and with us, that I thought it'd be OK. I was home this afternoon with Gabriel, so thought we'd give it a shot. Nothing like having a kid to help you follow a cat around and keep track of it -- this house is full of hiding places.

Zorro was curious and at ease right away.

Meow-stache, not so much. She scurried around, panicked, and hid. In time, Gabriel was able to calm her.

But I knew they'd both be a little freaked by the usual mayhem of the other two getting home, so decided to put them back in the room for the evening -- mostly to give them refuge from the kids.

To my delight, the kids are happy about participating in cat-care, so far. Katrina even poop-scooped voluntarily! I showed her how to give the kitties some wet food (a small amount as a treat only), and she took this job very seriously.

Zorro has pink paws!

Meow-stache (the mommy) was certainly more comfortable back in the safety of the one room they've gotten to know. I notice she's fine with just me, but acts nervous when there are kids around, or too many kids. Katrina especially seems to scare Meow-stache, even though Katrina is really very gentle and careful with her. I have no doubt they'll adjust quickly to each other though.

Still, I think the mommy-kitty will be "my" kitty, as she's most relaxed with me.

Zorro on the other hand will be "the kids'" kitty, as he's much braver and likes to play more.

We are all so enjoying our new family members!

10/16/12

10/14/12 Family Changes

The biggest open secret of this blog in terms of "family changes" is that Dad moved out two weeks ago. The whole family is just starting to adjust to a 50-50 schedule, and as hard as it's been so far, I fear the hard part has just begun.

It's no secret at all that I'm completely devastated, wracked with pain and guilt that my usually formidable willpower couldn't stave off this horrible change. I've never experienced this depth of grief or disappointment, of shattered dreams, of misery and wretchedness, heartbreak to the core. Who knew this level of pain was even possible (except for the death of a child)...yet it's all around. So many single women I've talked to understand and have experienced how truly, utterly awful this change is, and are very forthcoming with their sympathy and understanding. I have new respect for them and their composure, and take great comfort in their support and success.

My job has been a tremendous comfort and it's going well, but when I'm not working, I search for solace in small ways....and one of those ways was to go forward with something I'd been wanting to do for a long long time, but had hesitated given the pending changes. And that is: getting some pets! My poor children have never had pets -- and they're not getting any younger!

Though at heart I'm a dog person, I can't consider a dog as long as no one's home all day, not yet. So I consulted mom-friends about a cat, and decided it was do-able. A stretch, but alas, every day right now is uncharted territory, so it's just as well.

I quickly found a local cat-rescue Web site, and looked for an adult cat who was known to be good with kids. An email exchange with the woman who runs the rescue resulted in a decision to see the kitty-options sans kids first, since it'd be easier to make a decision that way. Indeed, the boys were fighting over the kitty-photos just on the Web site, I can't imagine them in an adoption center!

Though I was intrigued by the fabulous face of one particular female adult, this rescue organization prefers to adopt out cats in pairs if the kitties already know each other. So somehow, I went from just asking how the adoption works and inquiring about one cat, to a few days later meeting the cats -- and adopting two on the spot! TWO!

Tempted as I was, a little sense prevailed, and I didn't bring them home the same day I adopted them. I wanted to prepare the house a little, and have some time alone with them before the onslaught of children. The days dragged, but finally the Friday afternoon that I was to pick up our new family members arrived, and I drove with terrific anticipation to Redwood City to fetch our new friends.

So, please welcome, Vanilla and Zavala, mother and son respectively, to our home!

"Vanilla" is the mother on the left with the fantastic mustache markings, a mere 6-12 months older than the son, "Zavala," who is more black but also with white markings. Zavala is about a year old, and has belonged to this rescue organization since he was a kitten; Vanilla was found when she had a litter (I believe), which included Zavala and a few others that had already been adopted out.

They were described as "Maine Coon / Tuxedo" cats, but I'm not sure what makes them Maine Coon, or what Tuxedo means? They look to me like long-ish-haired black-and-white cats, but I guess that's not all that common.

This rescue organization is terrific, the rescue lady gave me all sorts of useful suggestions on things to get (and not get), with regards to food, kitty litter, brushing, the works. They'd already been spayed and neutered, had all their shots, and are microchipped.

Once I brought them home, I found right away that Zavala, the younger male, was nothing like he was in the cat-adoption room. There, he'd been shy and hid a lot, but at home, he wasted no time in approaching me almost aggressively for affection. Within minutes, both of them were purring madly and almost competing for my attention. These two hadn't been caged, they'd been in a kitty-adoption room and regularly socialized and brushed, as well as fostered in a home for a while.

We spent the weekend getting used to each other, and became firm friends. To my delight, I love that Zavala sleeps with me all night, and doesn't keep me awake --except for rousing me occasionally with purring, which I don't mind at all.

So the next thing was to introduce the kids! Dave kindly agreed to let me take the kids a day early, and I'm grateful because meeting the new cats on a Monday school-night, homework-night and report-due night would have been a mess. (I also had another new surprise for them hidden in the garage, it just happened to work out that way, but they weren't nearly as interested in our new (used) foosball table as they were in the new cats.)

The kids were thrilled! Too thrilled -- poor Vanilla was terrified by their enthusiasm, and hid and hissed right away. I warned the kids to back off and let her come to them. Zavala wasn't in the slightest intimidated, and right away delighted the kids with his antics chasing a fishing-pole toy.

The rescue lady had suggested I keep the cats in one room to start, and this proved to be a great idea on several counts. Not only does this give the cats some time to adjust -- and not get lost in the house -- but it also means I can shut the kids out. They were clearly overloaded (kids and cats) on the first meeting, so I was glad to have a door inbetween.

Later, Gabriel went back into the room alone, and quietly offered Vanilla a treat of wet food. In no time he was able to draw her out, to his delight. She's shyer, but comes right up to you and purrs and asks to be scratched -- until her possessive son shows up and shoves her out of the way!

Gabriel and Zavala (the younger son -- mommy Vanilla has a white nose and those distinctive mustache markings):

The second night with the cats, everyone was more comfortable. By now, we'd decided to rename Zavala to "Zorro," and Vanilla has the more awkward name "Meow-stache," given her fabulous goatee markings.

She sort-of has a freaked-out look about her, doesn't she? Not all the time, but she's definitely shyer and more nervous than her very relaxed son. His furry white chest gives him a bit of a lion-look.

Peekaboo!

Make no mistake: Meow-stache and Zorro are my cats -- but I'm quite happy to share!!

10/15/12

10/11/12 Teacher Conferences

The past two weeks have been parent-teacher conferences. This year, the teachers made no attempt to coordinate, so each child got their own date and time.

Julian's teacher conference is always the one I brace myself for the most, and this time was no exception. I really like his teacher, a young energetic non-nonsense woman with 16 years experience in 3rd grade at this school, and who who speaks crisply and with no hint of plaintiveness. I'd intercepted her at Back-to-School night last month, to tell her if she had any doubts about how to deal with Julian, not to doubt herself at all: come down hard and fast, and don't believe any of his excuses. She found that out on her own quickly!

All that said, she was also one of the first teachers who said, quite genuinely and with backup, that he's quite bright. She says he makes connections and asks questions that are well beyond 3rd-grade level. His reading and verbal articulation are well past his level -- which is a flag regarding his writing level. His writing is simplistic and reads more like that of a 2nd-grader.

She has more trouble than not getting to apply himself, but when he does, he's great. She showed us this example of a "happy face sentence," which means she'd solicit sentences from the class about a topic, and discuss their complexity levels and put them into categories called "down face," "even face" and "happy face." She showed us this set of sentences about the Native American Mulan, because Julian had come up with the happy-face sentence.

This only furthers my belief that Julian will basically outgrow his annoying attributes, and will shine in school when he deems it sufficiently interesting. I just hope that's in time for college admissions!

10/11/12

10/8/12 Old Friends

Last week while I was at the conference in Buffalo, I had time on and off to catch up with correspondence.

Idle in my hotel room during a break, I sent a message to my longtime friend Beth Gorell, who I met through motorcycling while I was at UCLA. She already had a motorcycle, and was also height-challenged, so was something of a mentor to me! Later when I moved back to the Bay Area, Beth and I would meet for marathon dinner nights, picking a place that was open late so we could yak into the week hours. This dropped off when we both had babies, miraculously a few months apart, and the joke turned that we needed to see each other at least as often as she changed her hairstyle.

Today I was back at work, and having a particularly bad Monday morning. I got a call from our front desk, usually about irritating spam call that our kind receptionist screens for me. But my headset battery was dead, so I walked out to the front desk -- and there was Beth! With her business partner husband, Pete. "Wanna go out for lunch?"

Yay!

It so happened they were in the same building for a business meeting. And at lunchtime -- what timing! I was so happy, I RAN back to my office to grab my bag.

We had a terrific catch-up lunch, during which I told Beth that some advice she'd given me during my career/life/motorcycle-wreck crisis in 1993, was such good advice that I still repeat it to other friends, even as recently as last week. She'd said that sometimes when you're faced with a really difficult decision, that more time doesn't always help make that decision. For really hard black-and-white decisions, that really boil down to what you want in your heart, she was so right.

(That particular decision for me was about which job offer to take, and while it might seem amusing in retrospect, I took it very seriously and to heart: was I going to make THE BIG SHIFT from software development to network engineering?!)

We joked about being "old" friends, but Beth hasn't aged a bit in the 20 years I've known her. To me, she looks like a guardian angel, who lifted me out of the dumps and back to life.

Many of the friends I made that year -- Beth, Jim, Lisa, Reid and Rubye -- I'm still close to, and now have known for almost two decades. How lucky I am to have longtime friends who I feel really know me -- and now I have a whole "new" set of "old" friends that I've known for a decade through my Mom connections.

There really are some good things about getting older, and old friends are by far the best part!

10/8/12

10/7/12 Lawn mowing

I just discovered the best way to mow the lawn: get a kid to do it!

Gabriel insisted he could handle the lawnmower, and to my surprise, he could. It turns out, he didn't anticipate how much harder it would be to push the mower over tall wet grass with the blades moving, but, this is Gabriel we're talking about and of course he didn't give up.

This wasn't out of the goodness of his heart or anything, it was for $5. But that's totally worth it! What could be more old-fashioned or down-home traditional than kids mowing lawns for money?

10/7/12

10/5/12 Back from NY!

I'm really starting to miss blogging every day! Then again, I'm also glad not to feel the daily pressure -- but its best aspect was its reliability. Am I a columnist or an essayist? Ah, the artistic dilemmas....

I got back from my 6-day trip to New York late last night....already seems like forever ago. It was a fantastic trip, starting in NYC to see my Mom and Paul. Sunday morning I went running along NYC's fantastic park along the Hudson River, then spent the afternoon hanging with my sister and brother and Papa Paul, and of course, their beautiful fluffy cat Sebastian.

Monday, Mom and Paul weren't feeling well, so we abandoned our idea to see the Intrepid aircraft carrier museum, and I decided to do something altogether un-New-Yorker-y: I went to see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. That was really great, the weather was perfect and there is SO much to see and read and learn and absorb on Ellis Island. From the ferry stop in Battery Park, I walked back to Mom's place, torn between loving walking in Manhattan and being dog-tired.

Tuesday morning, I flew to Buffalo, NY, a familiar place because it's right down the "road" (well, NY State Thruway) from Rochester, where I went to college and lived for 2 years afterward. In Buffalo, I was wined and dined along with another 100-200 or so people, almost all white men (no accents -- what a difference from Silicon Valley!) The highlight was walking to Niagra Falls the night we arrived, and seeing the falls all lit up with colored lights. That was a great ice-breaker, and flowed easily into meeting lots of other people and making all sorts of friends and business contacts. I think the technical term for that is schmoozing.

I even ran into an old friend in the baggage claim in San Jose, she'd been on the same flight from Atlanta (where I'd connected from Buffalo). I think I've known her for nearly 20 years, first at a gym we used to belong to, then in dance classes. Years ago, she and I were the only ones in our 40s in a hip-hop class; the rest were all teenagers! It was really nice seeing her again.

Life had to happen again, but after my wonderful trip, I was ready for it today. It started with an early conference with Gabriel's teacher this morning, which was really more a conference for Gabriel himself, as his teacher did most of her talking to him. I was happy to be back at work today, but I left early to prepare for Katrina's birthday, and to catch up at home.

Katrina was so happy about her birthday today! I'd really missed the kids, so I was glad to make her a quick Wacky Cake, and of course made the frosting as well. Kids love decorating their own cake, and crafty Katrina no less. She couldn't quit talking about her birthday, to the annoyance of her brothers, one of whom got kicked out and missed cake after repeated warnings to stop harassing her silly happy musings about being six years old.

I was going to write a very short blog post about one little thing that has nothing to do with anything else I just wrote...so I'll write it anyway. Gabriel's 5th-grade goes on a weeklong overnight science camp, and on Back-to-School night last month, the teachers handed out a suggested packing list. I was puzzled to see "deodorant" at the top of the Toiletries list. Lately, Gabriel's been needing it himself, but I figured this was a lark. Today, Gabriel's teacher gave me another packing list, and to my surprise, under Toiletries, DEODORANT was listed again, and IN CAPS!!! OK! I guess 10-year-olds REALLY start to smell!!

Maybe I'll add photos tomorrow, but unfortunately my camera crapped out (right on the line for the ferry to the Statue of Liberty!), so I've been relying on my utterly inadequate iPhone for photos, and it's a PAIN. I'm way behind in all sorts of things I have to do, but really, I should start thinking Halloween....!

10/5/12

9/26/12 Alamere Falls Recap

Never sure how to keep these blog posts in sequence, but I just wrote about Sept. 12 Alamere Falls. Such a stunningly fantastic day -- nothing like exploring a National Park with a good friend!

9/26/12

9/24/12 Homework

The worst of the worst....first grade. That's been my "sour spot" for homework, because much is expected of 6-year-olds that they can't, or won't, do on their own.

And Katrina has daily turn-in homework, and it's of the type I hate the most: it forces parent involvement.

But, a new homework routine has emerged since Julian also has his first daily turn-in homework (he escaped it in 1st and 2nd grades): Julian sits in the kitchen and works on it while I make dinner, and we chat on and off. For the most part, he's getting his work done, though it's a lot, and distractions are plentiful in the kitchen.

And nothing distracts him more than a 1st-grader who has homework that involves a parent reading a list of words, and the 1st-grader putting their hands on their head when they hear a short 'e' sound.

A seriously silly waste of time, IMO.

There are other options on this homework for the 1st-grader to re-enforce the "short e" concept without gymnastics, but Katrina wanted to do this one. And I didn't object too much for once, since I was already in kid-kitchen-homework mode with Julian.

On the other hand, maybe some of my objections to homework have to do with how difficult it was to implement. Katrina is far more conscientious than her brothers ever were, even to the point of fussing and complaining if I don't do my part, from reading a list of words to signing or initialing a paper.

I still object to 1st-grade daily turn-in homework that forces parent participation, maybe because of the PTSD that came from attempting to do it with a reticent 1st-grade Gabriel and a nightly-tantruming 2-year-old Katrina, and let's not forget the preschooler thrown into the mix, but it's not nearly as bad this time around.

9/24/12

9/15/12 Car Wash

The boys have been clamoring for jobs to do to earn money....and what better than to wash cars? Actually, it'd take less time -- and probably less money -- to run the car through a car wash, but having them this industrious for over an hour was well worth it.

Though two boys and two hoses within 5 miles of each other is most certainly going to lead to problems.

And to some antics with photo-taking. The boys were laughing WAY too hard as I took these photos, but Gabriel managed to time it perfectly so I didn't notice his lewd positioning of the hose nozzle until I looked at the photo later.

This was a good job for them, they were busy and the cars really were dirty!

I used up some coupons and sales from LL Bean and got some new shirts for the boys: some actual button-down nice-looking shirts. Gabriel rejected the idea instantly, and Julian followed suit, but today Julian showed up wearing his new shirt. He's showing more and more signs of being interesting in his appearance, and blushes when I compliment him.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. SO handsome!

To me, kid-shirts are to be worn and washed and abused, not put in a glass case and admired, so I didn't mind him wearing it for car-washing (thank you LL Bean).

Meantime, Katrina and I had a playdate -- her with an old friend Saul, and me with Saul's mother Sara, and even older friend to me. Sara and I have known each other a long time, but not well until we found ourselves in our 40s and in prenatal yoga together with babies due and born in 2006. Katrina and Saul don't know each other all that well, but I was happy to see Katrina open up and actually play with this open bright little boy, instead of hiding out by herself.

Overall a productive -- anc cleaner -- day!

9/15/12

9/12/12 "Mom, my b*tt itches!"

Most of the time, if Julian says something about his rear end, it can be ignored as yet another transparent attempt to use bathroom words in an inappropriate context. Which I did. Ignore it.

But tonight just before his bath, he showed up naked in the kitchen. "Mom, my butt still itches." And WOW. He had a glaring, nasty, bumpy red rash all over his rear end - and front end (fortunately minus the most important parts).

The best I can figure is that my laziness about washing new clothes before wearing -- including underpants for 8-year-old boys -- has caught up with me. My only excuse: they're not babies after all, and overall aren't "allergic" sorts of kids....err, right?

And of course I let the state of underwear quality get to the point of such drastic desperation that time to wash the darned things before wearing was merely a formality. I thought.

Well, it's only a theory, but given the placement of this rash, it's the best I've got.

Most interesting to me, it's yet another indication of how constitutionally, Julian is just different than his siblings. Aside from Katrina's inexplicable hive episodes as a baby, overall, things like this just don't happen to her, and never to Gabriel. For the most part I've escaped these regular events in the modern world of parenting, but if it's going to happen to any kid, it's most likely Mr. Middle.

A liberal slathering of Gold Bond on the "affected areas," and I think he'll be good to go. But yikes, I think I'll pay 1% more attention the next time Pot-Mouth mentions "itching."

Speaking of substances, lately, Julian wants to Dippity-Do his ultra-straight hair into lofty styles. This he did with just water and it fell flat minutes later, but he begged for a photo first:

I am very amused to find a comb and puddles all over the sink after Mr Vanity has been in the bathroom -- and here I thought teenage years were a ways off! But at least by then, he'll have to wash his own skivvies.

9/12/12

9/12/12 Alamere Falls

(Fast-forward to the GOOD photos from my accomapanying photographer: Shutterfly Photos)

Two weekends ago, I went on my first grownup hike in a long, long time.

My friend S. has been a mentor to me for many years now for camping and hiking and outdoors things. So when she told me she'd bought a new book with lots of great hikes in the area and we should plan one together sometime, I said absolutely! It took all summer, but we found a Sunday that would work, and planned it weeks ahead.

Turns out, this excursion would involve cheese. In the tiny town Pt. Reyes Station, there is a funky little grocery in a barn, that has a cheesery and a very attractive selection of locally made cheese. Had we been at Whole Foods, I'd have bristled at the price, but this was authentic!

After securing ourselves the required fermented dairy products for lunch, we found a great spot for a self-time photo to document the goofy absurdity of our mutual choices for outerwear that day.

(yes, total pink dorks, but those light fleeces really worked.

And then it was time to hike!

This hike really deserved its rank in a book of Top 100 Hikes in the Bay Area, given its fantastic diversity of views and places.

There were the foggy bluffs...

The coastal views....

The forested canopies...

The swimming-hole lakes...

The craggy climbing trails, at which neither of us hesitated, though they don't look like a trail on first glance...

Until a volunteer provides perspective...

Unexpectedly, we came across some "pre-falls" -- that is, waterfalls that feed into the destination falls. Just these deserved plenty of airtime (and photographic talent, which I outsourced to S.), and we hadn't even gotten to the good stuff....

Waterfalls!!

A little scramble down some quasi-stable cliffs, and there we were on the beach, in full view of the attraction falls -- perhaps at a low point this time of year, but nonetheless spectacular for desert-y California.

Not often you see waterfalls and ocean in the same view!

And there is never anything less than spectacular or glorious about being on a beach in a National Park. Though this was S's 6th National Park of the year, she too was no less in awe.

We did a little climbing and scrambling to explore the beach, while I scare-talked stories of people getting swept away by rogue waves -- this would be the place! But we noticed the tide going out, and concluded our risk of getting trapped or washed away by tides was low.

We found a scenic spot for lunch.

And did a little more beach exploration afterward, during which time the sun graced us by burning through the fog. S.took this as a great photographic opportunity; me and my inadequate little point-and-shoot just had to cope.

Normally hikers, oddly in sync with motorcyclists, bristle at the idea of having to backtrack, but there was nothing lost at all in this hike by backtracking. It looked and felt completely different coming the other way, and the weather had changed enough that it really was a truly different experience.

This was one landmark we made sure to notice in both directions, however. S's photos are far better, but this isn't just about art, it's about reminding ourselves about boundaries, a topic we had license to yak about unfettered for hours. And what a lovely one this is.

Ladies, don't forget: boundaries.

We must have missed this on the way out, but this is about the most convoluted eucalyptus tree I've ever seen in my life!

From there, we drove to Mountain View on the Peninsula, drastically underestimating the time it would take to drove on Hwy 1 to the Golden Gate Bridge, then the traffic on Sunday evenings into San Francisco on said bridge. For some idiotic reason, I checked FaceBook, and not only didn't receive the foolish validation I couldn't have imagined to receive, but worse, saw some confirmation of some very painful, personal revelations.

Fortunately for me, my friend with the wounded ankle was there to pick me up (what a pair WE are!!!) and we had a nice dinner in a trendy downtown Mt View restaurant -- barefoot and purple-pedicured and all. (Well, what else are you supposed to do with an injured ankle?!)

A few cocktails (much needed!) and some yummy tapas later, and civilization had returned.

A far superior set of photos than I could ever hope to capture: Alamere Falls Hike

And as always a better written description as well: Girls Day Out. That's what happens when you travel with a writer.

We're both in a bittersweet stage of life, strangely similar but with drastic differences, but were brought together by basic enjoyment of the beautiful outdoors and the escape and respite it provides from our painful realities. We agreed this was a great way to spend the day, setbacks and all (S. really hurt her ankle for instance, owch), but we will most definitely have to pursue lovely hikes and fantastic cheese again!

9/12/12