Tuesday, August 12, 2008

8/12/08 Barely standing

Sometimes I wish I didn't blog, 'cause I have little good to say. Today was consumed with managing this debilitating and mysterious back injury. Physical therapy, physiatrist appointment, X-ray, getting an MRI report from last May. Rest, lying down, trying to get around. Tonight I can sort of stand straight, but I'm very very weak and shaky and more dependent than ever on the cane to get around. But then I sat for about 20 minutes, reading a book with the boys, and couldn't stand straight again.

While I know this episode will heal and go away, the frightening thing is: can I work? I'm completely convinced that what predicated this was being back at work. The fact that my return to work also coincided with the first migraine in weeks isn't lost on me either. Headaches and back injuries are things I had before, but it seems my work environment aggravates them.

I don't know how I'd get through this as a single parent. Dave's taken on the brunt of child-ferrying, child-to-bed-getting and all the heavy lifting with dinner and lunch preparations, not to mention lots of gophering for me. Being essentially disabled puts a lot of strain on the rest of the family, though the kids are mostly oblivious (Julian is curiously concerned about why I'm hobbling around, but I easily put him off with a few reassuring words).

Tomorrow I will go back to work and take careful stock of the ergonomic environment there. And of the cost to our lives for my being there at all.


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