11/16/11 The Meeting

A familiar event for us...a meeting at the school today with all of Julian's former teachers (except kindergarten, since kinder teachers have conferences this week) -- and some of Gabriel's former teachers who were there are part of the "team."

This is an "SST" meeting (I forget what that stands for) in which we review the kids' strengths, weaknesses, areas of need, strategies, etc. This is almost harder with Julian than it was for Gabriel because there really isn't as much to say. Gabriel had such a long storied history of challenges as a toddler and young child; Julian really was about as normal a baby and toddler as they get. I think we were very aligned with his teacher that he's really just ... well, immature. Funny to say about a 7-year-old! They're 7, they're supposed to be immature!! But he's pretty immature and impulsive even for 7 (and pushing 8).

Anyway, we didn't have any great outcomes, though the principal had a good suggestion about giving Julian a big incentive for not getting sent to his office in a week. In general, Dave and I both resist the idea of rewarding a kid for expected behavior, and definitely wouldn't give him video-game time for that or anything (how unfair does that seem to siblings who don't get sent to the office?).

But I think I'm on to something with my "stair time" with Julian, in which I sit next to him alone in a place that has no distractions (the stairs), and just talk to him about how he feels. I have to resist telling him those dumb clueless things grownups always think will help and kids always think are stupid, like "just ignore a kid who's teasing you," and instead just talk to him about how he feels. I've done this a few times now, and he really seems to like it (even if he milks it at the end). So some special time alone with Mom or Dad will be the reward. Not incentive really, because I don't want to take that away if he doesn't meet it, but I think he needs more "stair time."

Then this afternoon I got a call from the school office that Julian was in the office, complaining of feeling "bad" and having a headache. I was skeptical and annoyed, but when I got him home, it turned out he had a temperature. I felt horrible today too, so I volunteered to stay home with him tomorrow. Good timing, because a day alone together will do us both some good.

11/16/11