5/17/06: Belly Shots

Steph requested some belly shots, so here I am. 19 weeks along and sticking out a whole lot more than the first time!

Today I had the anatomical sonogram scan, and once again, all was normal. The sonogram technician said not many people don't want to know the sex of the baby anymore, no surprise. She said the baby's head was right up against my skin, plus I'm "so thin" (hah!), so she said no wonder I'm feeling and seeing the baby so much -- it's right there. Baby#3 head-butts me constantly; few hours go by that I don't feel it.

My stomach continues to be a nemesis, and soon the biomechanical challenges of pregnancy will kick in. I get out of breath walking up stairs now, and my fragile sacro-iliac joint (lower back) twinges all the time, reminding me of its imminent wrath. Sinus congestion and violent gut-wrenching (literally) sneezes also plague me. I refuse to say I'm too old for this. This level of physical misery sucks no matter how old you are.

I was an awful mom today. Supernanny would have been appalled at how impatient and ignoring I was with the boys. And I even had the morning "off"! I really, really needed a nap this afternoon, and Julian has gotten uncharacteristically unreliable. It took 45 minutes to get him down for a 40-minute nap, then another hour and a half to get him out of fussy grouchy mode because he hadn't had enough sleep. Me, I'm still in fussy grouchy mode.

Even though Julian was up at 3:15pm and we had plenty of time to go out to a park or make cookies or something, I was in no mood for it and instead tried to do a few things in the office, emerging only to scold them. At one point, Gabriel said to me, "No shouting, Mom!" and I knew he was right. His angry demeanor so reflects mine that it's downright alarming. Well, I guess we can't all be great moms every day. Oddly, I seem to have better days with them when I have them the whole day.

Today I feel very down about the whole kids experience. The only bright spot is imagining an innocent little baby again, that you never get mad at.

5/17/06