10/2/06 Mom has a great night

What a rare treat! I actually slept great last night. That's what a miserable pregnancy does: so many bad things have happened to me that things like poor sleep become secondary issues -- but they wouldn't be if that's all there was. Last night, I wasn't restless, I got right back to sleep if I woke up, and was actually relaxed all night. What a difference that made getting up this morning.

I should list the things that haven't bothered me in this pregnancy:

No sacro-iliac dysfunction, pain or problems
No sinus congestion
No nausea or vomiting (severe gastric issues, but not these)
No swelling
No serious problems (gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, incompetent cervix, premature labor, anemia, preeclampsia, bleeding, need for bedrest, etc)

In fact, for a while there, I was told all the time how "cute" I was pregnant (nothing's "cute" at this stage though). I never heard that with the first two. But I was hearing it every day, along with the comment that I'm "all baby." It's true that I'm carrying much differently this time, with my belly sticking straight out, and not many changes to speak of elsewhere. The rest of me has slimmed out quite a bit, actually. I'm down to a net weight gain of 18 pounds from my first pregnancy weigh-in at 5 weeks (though I started out heavy for me), putting me at the same weight I was at with my first pregnancy at this stage. Tomorrow I'm 39 weeks along, and I'll get weighed again. Something tells me my recently renewed Starbucks habit will manifest itself!

Dave and I both think we made a mistake with the color of our new closet doors and the surrounding trim. Photo: on the right is the current color: white with white MDF trim. What we think we should have done is paint the doors the wall color, with the wood-stain trim (poorly mocked up on the left with my meager Photoshop non-skills). Just what we need at the tail end of a remodel, and a baby due any day: changes.

Mom asked me today about how I felt about a boy or a girl, and if I felt any advantages to a girl (of course). But though it's not rational, and certainly not relevant, it's just easier to imagine having a boy again, because boys are my day-to-day reality. A girl seems like just a theory right now, as any baby does before they're actually here, a brand-new twist to life that's impossible to truly envision until it's tangible. Boys, on the other hand, are a constant, completely present and real to me in the most mundane and immediate ways. Neither Dave or I have any strong feelings one way or another about the sex of the baby, but it's far easier for both of us to picture another boy, naturally, because our lives are all about little boys right now. And that could get flipped on its ear at any time now!

I realized today swimming (which is when I get my best thinking done, as my mind is liberated from my body) that this pregnancy has physically isolated me. I can't hug anyone, not well. I'm constantly assuming a defensive position if anyone gets close to me, prepared to ward off any contact that will create pain or pressure. At night, if Dave snuggles up to me, or even so much as rests his hand on my shoulder, most of the time I push him away, unable to handle any more sensory input. If the boys need a hug, I brace myself, wince, reposition them so they don't push on me, and end the contact as quickly as I can. How awful! Of course, when the baby's here, I'll be in physical contact with another body all the time -- famine, then feast. But at least then I'll be able to really hug my family again.

10/2/06