6/5/07 The gift

I had this afternoon alone with Gabriel today, a dull prospect for him since I was bent on getting things done in the office.

I don't know what got into him, but he decided to draw a picture of me and him walking up a mountain, along a river. It took him a long time, and he proudly showed it to me afterward. I made a big fuss over it, then told him he should sign and date it. This occupied him for another 15 minutes as he meticulously wrote "June 5 2007 Tuesday Gabriel".

I'd love to show you the picture he drew, but instead, he insisted on wrapping it as a present. I tried to dissuade him, since I really did want to see the picture, but Gabriel isn't known for being easily sidetracked. I relented and let him at it, with wrapping paper, scotch tape and scissors. This kept him busy for another 15 minutes or so.

Then my present needed a tag. He went about his work, coming into the office to ask me how to spell my name, then how to spell "From," even though he could spell it himself when I pressed him.

Finally, he was done, and reappeared to present me with my "birthday gift." I told him, "Gabriel, you didn't have to spell my name, you could have written 'Mom'!". To which he answered, ever so logically, "But every kids' mother's name is Mom -- then you wouldn't know who the present is for!"

I don't dare unwrap the thing, he seems to like this present so much. I'm hoping he'll forget about it so that I can stash the picture, as the glimpse I got of it is truly very sweet.

Katrina is 8 months old today! What a milestone -- we've now had a baby out-of-utero for the same amount of time, almost to the day, that the baby was in-utero. Lemme tell you, it's a whole lot more fun having the baby out! (well, of course, of course I mean provided the baby really has been inside you for 8 months, apologies to preemie-moms).

She's still in a wonderful place, just charming and delightful....and very tolerant of brother antics. I tried to capture a moment in which Julian was making her crack up aloud, but the camera and Gabriel distracted her. Instead, I captured a moment of what I constantly endure the boys doing to her, never knowing when they're about to go too far, grabbing her hands and feet, bouncing around -- and Katrina constantly undermining my warnings and corrections to the boys by smiling at them and rarely complaining.


It's funny, when I have the afternoon alone with my 5-year-old, I feel more in touch as a mom. This is where I belong, with little kids who I can just tell to get out of the car and close the door behind them, who can carry things, put things away, that I can talk to and interact with. I feel like I'm living in a past world when I'm carrying a baby around, almost as much as when I see a pregnant woman or a single woman or a college student. It's such an enigma. On the one hand, I have this beautiful, fabulously rewarding, outgoing, charming, sweet baby. On the other hand, I feel much more in my element when I'm with my 5-year-old almost-kindergartner, who is those things only in moments. Even as my connection with my role as kid-mom strengthens, so does my love for my baby, if not my love for my role as baby-mom. Yet when I'm alone with her, on all appearances I'm a highly engaged baby-mom, probably because this particular baby is so engaging and irresistable. Even I can't help it. It's like Mother Nature is taunting me, teasing me for any ambivalence I have about having a baby in my life. But Mom Nature's joke won't last long, because babyhood doesn't either.

6/5/07

p.s. that's odd, blogger's option to change font face, is missing today, though changing font size is still there. Bug or feature?