11/24/08 The Turnarounds

I've been feeling lousy the past week; a constant nagging nausea and uncomfortable stomach. But with no other symptoms, I can only attribute it to stress. Today I couldn't shake a feeling of malaise, low energy, and just not wanting to do anything.

Still, I dragged myself through a productive visit to the jobsite, then a trip to the lighting store. I'm putting some punchy pendants over the kitchen island, and there's no shortage of beautiful colorful choices. "When you find something that sings to you," the semi-helpful saleslady said, "go with it." Then she disappeared.

I haven't had a good workout or run in days, and I'm feeling the withdrawal. But I just didn't feel like mustering myself earlier in the day, when the timing was good. Instead, later, when the timing was getting really iffy, I just couldn't do anything else, so I forced myself to go for a short hilly run.

And I had one of the best runs I've had in months. I sailed through it, chugging easily up the steepest sections, sprinting the shorter uphills, head held high and wishing it wasn't about to end. When I'm running, I get my clearest thinking done, and my deepest-felt decisions made. The "Mini-Melrose" pendant was singing to me, right along with Nickelback.

After my run, I felt great, full of energy, head bursting with ideas. What a change from this morning!

[ Except for some familiar twinges from my ankles...no, it can't be...is tendonitis threating to join the party now? ]

But the best turnaround tonight was offered by my dear daughter, who bestowed upon me two great honors. One was dinner without a tantrum. It's like night and day, the difference in mood in the whole house is tremendous, when we pass on the hour-long screaming and crying and complete unreasonableness.

Two was some time with her in my lap, reading books. She insisted, and I very happily obliged, and we sat and counted things on pages and hunted for mouses.

It's occurred to me many times that part of what makes her difficult to live with isn't just an excess of two-year-old behavior, but also an absence of affection and physical contact that goes such a long way toward making up for it. She still doesn't hug or cuddle -- an occasional half-hearted rest of the head on my shoulder, but only the edge of her head, briefly, not a full-body committment. A mom needs those moments with her toddler! And baby -- even as a brand-new newborn, she never cuddled. All will be forgotten the day I get a true, genuine hug from her.

But for tonight, some lap time was a very welcome turnaround. And she picked a perfect day for it.

11/24/08