The Dow below 7000...my fragile back limiting my ability to work...the pressure of an upcoming party and move...the growing feeling that I'm failing my children by not spending enough time with them. Sink, sink, sink.
Today it was blustery and rainy, usually a sort of day I like, but it pushed my mood down even further. (Katrina likes the wind though, smiling and laughing whenever the wind blows her hair, like she's a model hamming it up in front of a fan and a photographer.) Tonight was rainy and cold, back to the weekly grind, and my entire upper body sore and weak from supporting my upright stance...so there was only one solution. Swim!
Yes, believe it or not, tonight I went out in 54-degree weather (note to East Coasters: that feels colder here than it does there!), in the rain, and went swimming. Outdoors, of course. I really don't like indoor swimming. It was as cold and nasty as you can imagine getting into the pool, but once in? Ah...a familiar paradise. A constant. Like a return to the womb. I gladly paddled my way through the constant-temperature water, my mind flowly as freely as my liberated body, my head and psyche staying submerged in the peace except for the quick necessary breaths. As difficult as it was to make myself go, I know from much experience that I never, ever regret it. My body is soothed, my soul calmed.
When I got home, the boys hadn't started bedtime yet, so I got Julian ready, spending some very focused time with him. He was cheerful and laughed a lot and was very sweet. And he gave me lots of kisses. I joked with him that his kisses were like magic. But it's true.
3/2/09
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