Being a parent has many rewarding, wonderful, warm moments; and even more frustrating, infuriating, exhausting ones. Some days my baby delights me; other days my baby drives me crazy. Today was both of those sorts of days.
Dave took Gabriel and Julian to All-Italian Day in Alameda, so I was looking forward to a morning alone with Katrina. Despite not feeling well, it was a pretty good morning with her, and I took her to Rancho San Antonio for short run. It was a glorious day here today, warm and fresh and indian-summery.
A short snooze in the jogging stroller meant no morning nap for her, but she was adorable, making really cute sounds and smiling a lot. Getting her to eat some lunch took a lot of work; finally I fed her bits of soynut-butter sandwich sitting on my lap outside while she pointed at birds.
After her nap, forget it. She had good moments, but was mostly demanding, fussy, climbing on me, crying, insisting on being held, and mostly refusing to eat, for the rest of the day. It was really exhausting and un-fun for her to cry EVERY time I set her down, and pushing away every bit of food I offered her. I tried holding her, I tried bringing her outside, I tried giving her something she could pick up herself, I tried giving her a spoon, I tried numerous different foods, I tried everything. Not only did I fail, but it made me tired and resentful -- can't I just sit and feed you and have you accept it and not cry and fuss in hunger later?!
I started to wish in despair for my old life back. Actually, not even my old life, just some semblance of a life now. I just wanted to put brother's clothes out without her crying incessantly. Thank goodness Dave was in good enough shape today help me, and I was so grateful to hand her off for bedtime. I don't think I even looked at her again after handing her to him.
The boys earned their one half-hour TV show today, and I let them watch a second half-hour too, by cleaning up the family room fairly promptly. Still, they can putz around all night cleaning up, so I set a time: TV starts at 6:55pm, with or without you! And they weren't ready by the appointed time, so the first 8 minutes or so of Curious George went on behind closed doors as they finally hustled to clean up. They were so cute watching, each clutching their stuffed animals. Afterward, they pounced on me together for the goodnight hug and kiss, and I let them think they'd wrestled me down as I hugged and kissed them and pretended to try to get up while they giggled with glee.
Those moments of wrestling with the boys will only last another few years, so I really do appreciate those. The moments of fussy, whiny, demanding baby on the other hand.....feels like it'll last forever. But all it will take is one little "ah-ba-ba-ba" in that little baby voice to make up for it.