4/15/08 The Tantrum

I picked Katrina up from Melissa's a little early today, and since Dave was picking up the boys, I was looking forward to a little quiet time at home with just Katrina before the onslaught.

Hah!

She was having a great time in the backyard, having recovered from a loss of a tricycle. She tipped over on this one twice, then Melissa put it away and Katrina had a major fit. She got over it with the little push-wagon, which she would not be parted with when I took her home. She was seriously PO'd about being put in the car, and fussed much of the way home. Then, just as she was getting used to being in the car (which usually she's fine about), we got home and I had to take her out of the car.

OH! WELL!! EX>>CUSE<< ME!! The calamity! The disaster! The pestilence!

She threw a full-on tantrum once inside. Nothing would console her. Not her sippy-cup of milk, not Life cereal on her tray, not going back outside to be reunited with her tricycles. Every time I approached her, she'd get madder.

Not knowing what else to do, I took some video.

This actually calmed her down, though she clearly didn't want to be recorded (how does she know?!) and even made some baby-threatening moves toward me. This is about 10 minutes into the fit after we got home (though arguably it was a continuation of the fit that started when I took her from Melissa's):


I tried giving her a choice favorite of Life cereal. This just offended her more.

(Again she calms down when the camera comes out -- what you see is calm.)

I finally gave up and set her in the family room, asking myself, "at what age do timeouts start again?" Not knowing what else to do, I figured she just needed to freak out a while longer, and anxiously left her to flail on the family room rug while I checked email.

"She's got to get tired of this after a while," I told myself.

Nope. After another 10 minutes, I got tired of it and started reading a book. She paused when an interesting flap got turned in the book, and I threw in some counting of items in the book. More silence, more attention. I counted six moons, and as I was about to turn the page, I heard "...sehben..." Seven! OK, I have an inroad now. More reading, more waiting, then I was able to put her on my lap. A hug was out of the question, though I sure could have used one!

Finally the storm was over. Then she bopped around happily on her own for about 45 minutes before I sat her down for dinner. During that time, I played a silly-sounds game with her, and she was all giggles.

Tantrums seem to last a lot longer than they actually do, but between knowing what time we got home (4:20), the timestamps on the videos (4:42), and fretting that it was after 5pm and I needed to start dinner, I know that the full-on flipping-out part of this tantrum lasted well over half an hour, and wasn't fully over for an hour.

Oh brother, shades of Gabriel! These toddler highs and lows really put me on edge. Thank goodness that was over, I was done with conflict for the day. Or so I thought.

I called the boys inside for dinner, and Julian came in first to go to the bathroom and wash his hands. But Julian apparently had done something that angered Gabriel, and Gabriel came in looking for blood. He stalked into the bathroom, I heard some sort of impact sound, then a shriek of pain and surprise from Julian. Most of the time, Julian has a hand in the conflict, but this was a flagrant unprovoked offense. I was infuriated, rushed over and swatted Gabriel's rear end and sent him upstairs. ("Oh god it's no wonder where he gets that..." I thought with alarm, "I'll think about that later.)

As usual, it didn't end there. Dave went up to talk to him, and when Dave came back, Gabriel was in his room hollering his head off. Apparently, as Dave left, Gabriel raised his hand to threaten Dave, and Dave hit his hand down. The screaming and crying continued as I served dinner and settled a now bubbly-sweet Katrina in with a bowl of rice and a spoon. How long would this go on?

"He's got to get tired of this after a while," Dave said.

Oh SH*T.

I'm still traumatized from Gabriel's toddlerhood, and any sign of it from Katrina panics me. To get it from The Master himself in the same day is too much!!!

Thankfully, some reason does exist in a 6-year-old. I went up to talk to him, and he resisted at first, but I said he'd be very sad upstairs crying in his room alone instead of coming downstairs, having dinner, and decorating cookies after dinner with me and Julian. Then, very unlike his sister, I hugged and rocked him and he cried on me for a while. Gabriel, for all his tough-cookie-ness, and bony body, is still the huggiest of all three.

I said to him that the secret about crying is that you cry because you feel bad, but it makes you feel better, and that crying is like a storm -- all windy and wet and scary -- but afterward, the clouds go away, the sun comes out, and everything is fresh and bright. He was as comforted by our moment alone as he was the actual words, and I held his hand as we walked downstairs for him to deliver his apologies, wondering how much longer in his life that my little boy would hold his mommy's hand.

Gabriel did apologize, sincerely and without petulance, but the amazing thing is that he was shaking and started to cry again afterward, and turned to me for more hugs. I don't think he really was sorry, but I think it was very, very hard for him to apologize, and he seemed to need my support. I was fascinated as I was touched, and encouraged for my long-term future with Katrina, even though the short-term has high potential to be rocky.

Now it was my turn.

Seriously PO'd myself about the enormous time and energy investment it takes to do our relatively straightforward taxes, then having to pay a fair amount to e-file, I threw my own little tantrum and MAILED PAPER to the government this year. If you're going to create a ton of work for me, then by golly, you can do your part too -- I'm not going to pay to make it easier for you! Then I flipped the bird at the mailbox. Hah, take that! I think I deserve a timeout -- in bed.

4/15/08