I really, really, really wanted to swim tonight, to clear my mind and try to equalize the relentless, vicious, horrible pressure and pain that just won't let up on my head. But the swim center's pool was closed for cleaning, and the Y's lap swim wasn't open yet. I went home, swimless, and frustrated, and went into the kitchen to dejectedly resume the nightly chores.
Dave was upstairs putting Julian and Katrina to bed, and Gabriel was downstairs playing with Legos. He saw me and asked, "Mom, remember when we used to build train tracks together?" I told him Mm-hmm, though it was a long time ago, then he said, "Can we do that together again?" Taken aback, I told him that'd be so fun, but we didn't have time tonight, let's make a date for tomorrow night. He said OK, then asked me what I was doing. I said I was just cleaning up and making lunches. "Can I help you?"
He was so sweet, so sincere -- where did this come from? He talks to me all the time about his Legos and piano and chess, but this reaching-out was different. I wasn't just someone to bounce his spinning imagination off of, it seemed like he really wanted to be with me.
So I had him make his own sandwich for tomorrow's lunch. I didn't touch anything. I told him where to get everything, gave him lots of guidance on spreading cold peanut butter (difficult for anyone!), where to find the bag to put the sandwich in, put lids back on jars, put jars away, put knife and plate in the dishwasher....lemme tell you, you need virtual handcuffs to keep your hands off when your six-year-old has a knife full of jelly, his head turned and not paying attention! But I exerted tremendous control in not being controlling, and he did the whole thing himself.
His conclusion from the experience? "I don't want to make my own sandwiches anymore." Yeah, it's a lot of work, huh! Mission accomplished! We had a laugh together at Dave's expense that now Gabriel knows as much about making a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich as Dad. (I'm sorry to say that's almost true.)
No tantrums from Katrina today. And Julian's healing kiss on my forehead was the best medicine possible. Kids are good.
5/8/08
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