Well, I did it! I talked to my company's VP of HR and another HR person about our issues. I laid it ALL out -- no dancing around, no preserving feelings, no avoiding sensitive open secrets. I'm ready for it all to come hangin' out.
That sure is easy to say when you're in the company of two welcoming women in HR. It's another thing entirely when you're in the room with the enemy in question, and his very formidable boss (a CTO who I like and respect despite serious doubts about his judgement in character), and a bunch of other guys from a vendor. It was a big meeting for which I was mostly able to stay silent, but I saw how the vendors fawned all over Mr.H., falling all over themselves to forgive him for any technical gaffe me had. The man has a talent. And I'm going to go up against that?
Well, yes. My professional integrity and reputation are on the line, and I'm not going to let this one insecure, childlike, vindictive, even evil, person soil that. But that's a lot scarier than it sounds. ~~~~ Channeling ~~~~ Norma ~~~~~ Rae ~~~~~~ come ~~~ in ~~~~ please ~~~~~~~
Though I feel more like my days are numbered at this job than ever, I also feel like I might make a difference now. A negative one at first, perhaps, but something HAS to change.
An interesting angle to all the talking I've done today is a partial voice loss. I sound rough, but I can talk pretty well if I jump-start my voice. It elicits all sorts of sympathy, as people misunderstand that I must be in terrible pain. I'm not sure if it makes me sound more sympathetic or weaker. It's funny how it worries the kids though: "Mommy. WHAT happened to your voice?!"
My voice is the last thing I'm worried about right now. Yesterday it was my psyche, but that's been uplifted. Today it's my rear end, which will also soon be uplifted -- and tossed right out the door! Well fine then, I'll ride the magic moral carpet of Having Done The Right Thing all the way to the unemployment office.