Tuesday, December 04, 2007

12/4/07 Deadbeat dragging

I couldn't believe how tired I was this morning. It followed me around like a weighty cloud all day, easily fielding my feeble attempts to revive myself (going outside to stretch, coffee, working on something hard). No matter what I did, I couldn't push past it. I didn't want to talk to anyone or move too much or even look at myself. What happened to strong, in-control, capable me? I'm a ragtag mess, barely moving from one step to another.

I'd already decided to leave work early, when Melissa called and asked if it was OK to take Katrina to Tonya's for the afternoon. Couldn't be better. I left work early, forced myself to go grocery shopping, and then went home and lay down. But I couldn't nap; I was too tired-wired. I promised myself: IN BED tonight 10pm, no excuses.

But I felt better -- calmer even -- when I was back home with my little clan. Everything in its rightful place now, the world back in order, everyone where they belong. Gabriel outside running with a truck and a flashlight, Julian calmly drawing in the craft area, Katrina doing her best imitation of a tornado (I was going to say hurricane....), pulling everything out of whatever cabinet, drawer or box she came across before moving on to the next one, leaving a little path of destruction in her wake.

Julian observed tonight that the sky was "almost completely black, but not quite, it's still kind of purple!" He was delighted to hear that there was a word for that: twilight. He's turning into a little boy right before my eyes, just about ready to cast off the last scraps of toddlerhood. My little boy, almost 4 years old.

And now, if there's one commitment I'm going to keep today, it's my bedtime.


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