10/21/09 Job hunting

I can think of fewer boring things to blog about than work, but it was a heavy afternoon. I've decided (resigned myself?) to trying to convert to full-time at the company I've been contracting at. Despite many reasons to move on, two reasons were compelling enough to stay: 1) a really, really good manager -- the value of which should not be underestimated; 2) interesting new technology to work on.

But today, reason #1 to go turned into reason #1 not to. The boss's boss, a new guy that everyone has doubts about, told me I could be working for him. Big problem. He's vague and secretive and demanding and by all counts, difficult to work for. He told me I'd be backfilling a position for someone who is leaving only as of this morning, and told me to talk to the departing employee to find out what he's working on -- but don't let on that I know he's leaving. I can't stand that sh*t! However, my confidence and unemployment being what it is, this is one gift horse whose mouth I'm not looking in.

Another colleague at work and his wife are about to adopt their first baby. He seems really excited about it, and it brings me back to the amazing time of bringing your first baby home and all the changes it represents to your life. It's even more amazing that I can look back on it already, and with much fondness, despite the hardships. With your first new baby, you feel like you'll have a baby forever -- you have no idea how or when it will change. But, as another experienced mom at work said today, she didn't bother with a crib for her second child, because she knew they'd only need it for 2 years anyway. New-baby parents can't think that way at all -- a 2-year-old is a completely different world than a newborn. Experienced parents know how temporary all stages are.

Which makes me also keenly aware that I "only" have two more years left of preschoolers, of not having all my kids' lives dominated by school. I'm looking forward to that, as I'm much more in my element with older kids than babies and toddlers, but at the same time, I wonder if someday I'll mourn Katrina's 3-year-old and 4-year-old years, and wish I were with her more. I think I'll mourn the idea of it. In practice, I long for more control over my time, as I mostly have when the boys are home. Katrina's age still demands that I drop everything at any moment and run to deal with something, and she's still very unreasonable. I really am done with being "on duty" like that, even as I romanticize it in retrospect talking to my new-dad coworker. He's on the cusp of leaving the grownup world just as I'm on the cusp of re-entering it. It's a no-brainer which world is more important in the long term.

10/21/09