Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Mom has a banner day

Today both boys were in daycare all day. Tonya is so nice and picks Gabriel up at Kids Inc at 1pm, so I don't even have to go get him to take him to Tonya's for the afternoon! Another good reason to put Gabriel at Kids Inc: the location really can't be beat. And I really, really needed the time; the remodel is now being held up for lack of decisions and ordering things.

First I had a regular appointment with Maria, where she listened to Miss October's heartbeat and said it was great, and she could hear lots of baby movement. Then I drove to The Moulding Company to order door casing, baseboard and picture moulding, having a nice chat with Andreas along the way. Then I went to Tile Fantastic to finalize tile ordering...or so I thought. It was only 11:15am, but I was wracked with painful hunger. All I needed was a little snack, and was drawn in by a sign for a pizzeria. Turned out to be a very nice little Italian restaurant, where I enjoyed soup and salad and a rare peaceful lunch. Then to the tile place, then to the cabinet maker's place to get countertop samples, then to check out a gym with yoga classes...and finally, home to make phone calls and shop online for light fixtures.

Though I was painfully sick most of the day, I had just enough resolve to keep busy, concentrate, and be productive -- far easier than taking care of the boys all day, which drains me. Usually I can fit in a few other things when I have the boys all day, but they've been draining my meager resources with the constant timeouts (two for Gabriel just since starting this message). It felt great not to be lying on our bed feeling sick all afternoon. I didn't even want to look at our bed; I associate it with confinement and disability. Our room smells like a sickroom to me now.

My great day being busy and productive was another writing-on-the-wall reminder that I'm probably one of those Moms I hoped I wouldn't be: happier working than being a full-time Mom. Perhaps it's not fair to compare. I'm not unhappy being a full-time Mom, despite the recent challenges, but I really was happy working. I wish I could be more like Lacy or Stephanie and be completely fulfilled from just being with my amazing children, but it seems pretty clear that I do a lot better with some concentrated, productive time (not to mention it'd be nice to resume a second income). I should drop the guilt and just face facts.

Hmmm...then again, look at the examples I chose: Lacy and Stephanie, who have two of the sweetest, most sensitive firstborn boys I've ever heard of. Maybe if I had a Nick or Aidan, instead of a Gabriel (who's now locked in his room for the 3rd time in two hours), this job wouldn't seem quite so draining! Meanwhile, Julian is happily singing away in the family room, enjoying a few minutes' respite from his bossy older brother.

At dinner, I tried something Andreas told me his mother did with his family, and that the Engels now do: ask each person what the most interesting thing they did today was. Gabriel didn't entirely understand what to do, and said something about a fire engine last week, but I prompted him about a pirate playset that Tonya told me he'd played with all day. Julian actually responded more directly, saying that today he went to Tonya's. I think that's a great way to direct conversation away from the constant "poop butt" talk we get at the table these days, at least for a few minutes!

Once again, no photos. Tomorrow, I promise.

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