Monday, April 09, 2007

4/9/07 Look who's coming to dinner

For the first time, all five us us sat down to dinner as a family!

The Grand Plan was to introduce yams to Katrina.

Not a yam fan. It didn't go over well.

But then, neither did cereal at first, and look how great she's doing with it now.

Another dinner problem tonight, a great one to have: I didn't make enough spinach. Everyone finished theirs and wanted more. Wow.

Still staggering from a brutal headache today. I have a confession to make about that. Something I really, really don't like, but decided was necessary. Last night, I went to bed ultra-early, but I knew I wouldn't be able to go to sleep right away. My nocturnal nature and the intense pain would keep me awake. So I took an Ambien, a prescription sleep aid, one I resorted to in desperation during pregnancy (prescribed and OK'd by my OB) and used as little of as possible.

Yes folks, it's come to that. A friggin' sleeping pill. I absolutely hate that. I'm the world's best, easiest sleeper left to my own devices, yet here I am popping mother's little helper. But it was effective: I did fall asleep early (11pm is early), slept soundly between Katrina's two wakeups, and woke up still in pain but with new resources to battle the headache all day. I've really gotten slammed hard with this one.

Between a baby who doesn't nap enough and a severe headache, I had little left for nonsense from the boys. Unfortunately, Gabriel picked today to dish it out.

I had to order the boys into the living room so they'd leave her alone for the 5 minutes I needed to make her lunch. Despite my assurances that this wasn't a timeout and they could come back in as soon as I had Katrina set up, Gabriel was incensed. He was outraged that I took him away from Katrina, and wouldn't stay in the living room and hurled insults and threats to me. Finally I put him on timeout, and from there he screamed and demanded to be let out RIGHT NOW and said "Oh YEAH you think you can do THAT?!" and kicked the door. I went back and forth many times, increasing his timeout for each new offense. For a while it was quiet, then when I checked on him, he'd done the one destructive thing he could do there: dump all the sand out of his shoes onto the floor, and it was a substantial pile. He flat-out told me that he did that because I wasn't listening to him. So I told him to get out and go up to his room. Then, more insults: "FINE Mommy, you're a stinky poop! You have to say PLEASE!".

I had absolutely had it. His defiance had gone on too long. So I did something I've never done before. I pulled his pants down and smacked his bare bottom hard, several times. I admit it. I spanked him good. (I have spanked him before, but not bare.)

And for once, it worked. Even his alligator-hide bottom couldn't take it, and he finally, finally broke down and cried. That disrupted the impasse, and while he still had to go to his room, at least he was cooperative. I'm sorry to let you down, Supernanny, but this kid is extraordinarily difficult to derail, and frankly, I'm thrilled that I was able to. No parent wants to spank their kids, so you have to believe that we've been pushed to the limit to resort to it. It's actually pretty remarkable that it worked on him today.

And as long as I'm dishing out the confessionals...this morning, I had time off from all three, a good thing since I had such a bad headache and had to confront another headache: taxes. At least I got Dad's taxes done and filed. But I so enjoyed my few free hours that I felt guilty. I hate to admit it; no Mom feels good about feeling this, but...I don't like the baby life. I love my baby of course, she's funny and charming and full of energy, but the 24/7-ness of it, the constant carrying, the being interrupted at any moment...I was done with that. I had a taste of freedom about when Julian turned 2, and it was very sweet. It's hard to go back. I like life with little boys, not babies, and I'm even a little resentful that I can't enjoy that because I'm so baby-bound. I'm not even sure to whom to direct that resentment -- myself, really. And then I feel bad for not enjoying more the baby time, since I do know from experience how fleeting it is. I know, it's supposed to be the most precious time, an amazing thing, one to relish and enjoy, babies are the light of our lives. I feel an extra layer of guilt because I know so many women, especially those my age, would do anything to have this "problem" of a perfect, healthy, vital, beautiful baby. That's all true...but does anyone talk about the dark side? Is it just me?

Bad Mom Me today.

And the migraine rages on.


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