Sort of. First, Katrina was unbearable in music class. I still have no idea what her problem was, but at first she was so clingy that she wouldn't even let me clap my hands. She'd grab my hands and put them firmly on her tummy, making it very clear exactly what I was allowed to do. Standing up and dancing, forget it. By the time the instruments came out, she put her hands against the wall, almost looking like she was going to hit her head against it, wouldn't come near me, and only cried and cried. It got disruptive, so we actually left early. What a shame, this was our last Thursday class!
Then, with trepidation, I went to Rancho San Antonio, to do a short 2.5 mile run. I was almost nervous as I carefully stretched first -- would I be able to do this? I was so happy to be out in the sunshine and the trees, with a slight bite in the air. But physically, I felt listless and flabby and out of shape. And very paranoid -- each footfall made me wonder what I was doing to my ankles. Would I pay dearly for this later? It was such a far cry from the ecstatic, energy-filled, powerful runs I'd been doing just a few months before. It makes me realize what great condition I was in...and what poor condition I'm in now. (The good news is that my ankles aren't any worse than the usual buzzing I feel after any workout.)
And then I didn't really enjoy my time at home alone, either. Turns out, knowing I'm only going to be at work for a few hours makes work a lot more tolerable -- fun, even! Logistically it makes sense to skip a short workday anyway, because of all the driving, but I missed the contrast. And didn't get far enough on our taxes for missing work to have been worth it.
Skating with Julian was fun though. I attempted to wean him off the snowsuit and started him in jeans first. Nope, he wanted the snowsuit, which meant peeling everything off and starting all over again. Blah! But he has so much fun in his class, and he's really great to be around when it's just me and him, and he is full of questions and delighted observations and comments. I realized I hadn't laughed or smiled all day until I was with him for 3 minutes and he made me laugh.
I was almost dreading picking up Katrina, but she was in pretty good shape. She ate most of a turkey burger at home, the first protein she's had in days. Her eating has been way, way off since this tummy thing, maybe that's why she was so grumpy in music class today. I couldn't spend much time with her, as I needed to get everyone else fed and get things ready for tomorrow so I could go out for my wine'n'cheese book club Mom's Night Out.
That saved the day though, it's always nice to be with other moms and *talk* about your kids instead of actually *be* with them (if you detect a twinge of guilt there, you're right). I don't get it. I want to work, but I don't. I want to be with my kids, but not too much. I want to run, skate, swim, dance, scrapbook, cook, read, write -- what, am I only happy doing things alone? I'm a mom, a wife, an employee, a homeowner -- this is no time to be channeling my inner hermit! I'm by no means alone among mom friends in trying to balance it all, but most of them seem to be struggling more with the how, not the why.
3/20/08
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